Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / But Her Affair Is Worse! | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep476

Transcript

But Her Affair Is Worse! | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep476 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the affair is worse.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Your partner's trauma is a gift.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: The pokey pokey is.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: She saw her touch my feet.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: My narcissistic behaviors.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: My managing sphere narcissism.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you afraid of rejection?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the affair is worse.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Moral Mars Podcast, guys.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you say when you've been hurt by somebody who's cheated on you.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: The affair is worse.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not disputing that the core value and the decision that the core value that was dismissed, or not even ever.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, they would have thought about it when they cheated on you.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll say they've dismissed core value.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that that's not true, but what I am saying is whatever you're comparing it to, in this case, the example is a man talked about in the last episode, his wife having an affair for 10 months.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, in this case, he's like, but the affair is worse than everything I've ever done.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've changed over 10 months.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've been implementing, implementing everything I've learned from your podcast, I've read your book, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But you haven't implemented shit.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're literally right there saying the affair is worse.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: What have you implemented then?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: If your mindset flips so bad when you're hurt, then you haven't learned anything.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: It means your behavior can change and be altered, not by your values, but by somebody else's influence, how they hurt you in this case.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, is it worse?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I all I know we all would say, yeah, fuck, I don't want to imagine my partner with someone else.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: The fact that it's been done, that would destroy it, destroys everybody.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's the worst thing I think anybody can go after.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: But is it worse than this guy's married for 19 years?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I positioned it like, is it worse than two decades of yelling at her?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Of her walking on eggshells with your car?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't it like the chicken and the egg?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't she not have had an affair if you didn't do all that shit?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Ding ding ding.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: How can you say that you're learning?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And this guy referenced extreme ownership.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's a book that I've read, it's one of the first ones I read, and it's one book I tell men to read.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And Yaakko Willink is the author, he's a ex-Navy SEAL.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: He talks about taking extreme ownership.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know how to take responsibility for yourself, read that fucking book.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you something.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: When you read a book, read it until you beat it up and understand it.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Read it so many times that you can like guys who've gone through my course, the good ones, they've gone through it 10 times.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Same with my book, 40 times.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're still missing everything.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is ever complete.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's always more.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we have coaching.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just told him twice, twice on that call.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Dude, read the book again.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't taken extreme ownership.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: He pats himself on the back for taking extreme ownership, which means responsibility, which means everything that happened in my life is my fault.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't want to hurt yourself, you don't have to.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: You say it's my responsibility.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because everything that is going on in your life is either something that you created, you enabled, you allowed, you positioned, influenced, or led.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: When men say, we no longer say you don't know how to lead.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: We say you need to learn to lead because your skills and leadership is leading someone backwards.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: If Catherine gets mad at me and screams at me, and it gets worse and worse and worse, then I enabled that.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I led her backwards.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Which isn't happening, by the way.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not happening.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it's happening in your freaking life.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why when the extreme thing happens, like the affair that they did to you by having an affair, the divorce papers.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Recently I had a guy, this is very common, anyways, but I had a guy say, Um, I just can't believe it.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: She's not the woman I I fell in love with.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: The woman I married, she would never walk away from a marriage.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: She believes in it.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: She's under God with it.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's an oath, a commitment.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even I didn't even know what to think of her.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: You sound like a little pussy.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Of course she said that.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: You fucking said it too, but your actions didn't align with it.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: They had nothing to do with your vows.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you guys think about how none of you and your ownership never took choices, never made choices, took responsibility for what you should say, say in your vows.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't say unless you cheat on me and now you're mad at her for cheating.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't say unless I get screaming angry at her because she won't have sex with me.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that's your fucking fault.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't have the foresight.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's not your fault, you weren't taught.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: But now you do have a fault.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You do have responsibility.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: You do take fault.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you're listening to our podcast.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now you know there's shit that you didn't understand.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now you know there's more.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Go back to last episode where you guys don't want to invest in yourselves.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're the fucking idiot.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one of the things I'm gonna do right now, I should have put this in the last episode.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: We talked to Captain Roger this morning.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: We are contacting, I don't even know how many people, like a hundred thousand people, fifty thousand people, whatever the number is.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're contacting them and just checking in.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: How's it going with your marriage right now?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And the comments that are coming in, more often than not, have already divorced.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: These are the ones that did not get help.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're contacting.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not the ones that we talked to the ones already.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Give them next level, show them next things.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Marriage can have another breakthrough, blah, blah, blah.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: But these are the ones who didn't get help.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And more often than not, it's I actually had my I messaged my guy today.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you need to take a screenshot of that and send them to me.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'll start sharing testimonials with the ones who did get help.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: But see, you're responsible for your choices.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: The affair is not worse, the yelling is not worse, the divorce papers aren't worse, the disrespecting me in front of the kids is not worse.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Pick your poison.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's all bad.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's all bad.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: If someone, let me put it in perspective.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: If someone, their dad abandoned them, then when you walk out of the room in that fight, you hurt them as much as they would if they fucked someone else.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, for how you would feel.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Perspective.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Perspective.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get to decide what hurts ever, ever, ever.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: You need to understand I'm responsible for the person I want to be.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if I don't like something that's happened to me or where my life is at right now, that's my responsibility.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of those messages coming in, best thing I ever did was get divorced.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's not true.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know you're the same fucker on the phone saying I don't want my my kids to repeat the pattern.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were divorced.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want that.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know every single one of us has that thought.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: What we do is we justify it and say, she's crazy.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's crazy.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: He's abusive.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: She's abusive.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: We justify.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: They had the affair.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's not real.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: You excuse yourself because you're a victim.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell today I'm on one of them.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, you're fired up.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Fired up.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think I've been too soft on you guys for a little while.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Try to be more empathetic and understanding.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: We were saving more marriages when you guys were getting cast.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: When you guys I always give you the truth, but you need to hear it more abruptly.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's time for you to make a change.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is worse.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you're going through is not worse than anybody else's pain.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Especially your spouse.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, you're an asshole if you think that.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: You I thought you committed with your vows to love them unconditionally, be there for them.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Always love, cherish, and hold them.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can't you don't like that you hurt them?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Grow up.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: That means you're selfish.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have no business being married.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or learn to be less selfish and go get your fucking spouse.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Anything else, baby?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Nope.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.