Latest / BECOME Empowered / Living in Victory, Not Defeat: From Pain to Purpose with Holly Sweat Raper
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- Holly Sweat Raper: I woke up at three in the morning and the devil started, right? you're completely alone. Dan was your financial provider. You're gonna have to sell your house, you're gonna lose everything, you're fifty-seven years old, nobody's gonna want you, you haven't been working for the last two years. you've been caretaking, just on and on and on. And Sabine, I was Sweating, I was shaking, I was terrified because Sabine Kvenberg: Today's guest is someone I first knew through the pages of our shared publisher, Morgan James Publishing, and then had the joy of meeting face to face at the Podfest Expo this year. Some people you meet and you just know she is one of us. Holly Sweat Raper is a Psychotherapist, best selling author, national speaker, and the founder and CEO of Created for Success. For more than 20 years, she has guided thousands of people through career transitions and life's hardest seasons. First, as director of workforce and career development, and now as a coach to women over 40, navigating divorce. Widowhood, financial loss, and reinvention. Her new book, Living in Victory, Not Defeat, From Pain to Purpose, Heartbreak to Healing, was born from one of the most painful chapters of her life: It's a story of faith, resilience, and the truth that pain does not get the final word. Holly, welcome to the stage. Holly Sweat Raper: Thank you so much, Sabine. It is such an honor to be here. And again, it was so much fun meeting you last year. And I just love that we can continue this relationship. Sabine Kvenberg: Yes, I can second that. Sometimes when you meet people, you do have that feeling right away. There is something there. And I sure had that when we met. So there is a lot to unpack. And I know you have a lot of wisdom that you can share. So, but first of all, I want to ask you about since we met through Morgan James Publishing. what has being part of the Morgan James author family meant for you? Holly Sweat Raper: Absolutely, what a blessing. I mean, to be a part of a New York House publishing company, I mean that was totally a God thing. Like you, I probably reached out to a lot of different publishers, but when I ended up talking to David Hancock, the founder It was just such a blessing because not only does he have an international distribution, he really cares about the authors and those authors that have something to share to the world. And he helps us develop that message and how to actually market it so we can get it out there, which is so wonderful. Sabine Kvenberg: Your brand says people are created for success, purpose, and impact. When Holly Sweat Raper: Mm-hmm. Sabine Kvenberg: did you first believe that about yourself? Holly Sweat Raper: early on in my twenties, I recognized that we all were created for a purpose. And in fact I had a my first LLC was hope, motivation, success. But it I rebranded myself about five years ago, and it really hit me that we are created for a purpose, each and every one of us. And I recently talked to a research and scientific organization, and you'll appreciate this, because here I am talking to all these scientists and researchers, and I said to them. Each and every one of you knows, because this was not a Christian organization, it's it was a scientific corporation. And I said, each and every one of you knows that anything that is created is created for a purpose. If it's gloves, if it's equipment, if it's test tubes, if it's medication, whatever it is, it was created for a purpose, and so are we. Each and every one of us is created for a purpose, for impact, and for success. And I truly believe success, and I know you believe this too, my friend, just by your book, GUMPTION is that success is not about wealth or material gains. It is about the impact we make, the people that we touch, the legacy that we leave. I've been to the cemetery. You don't take a U-Haul with you. And so it's only the things that you touch that you empower that are have eternal effect that really matter. And that's success. Sabine Kvenberg: It is so true. And as we grow in our lives, we feel and experience that more and more. And at the beginning, we may do the things that we are created for, but not 100%. understand it or realize it. And as you mentioned, my book, I share that as well. And I always followed my intuition and my path and what I love to do because our creator gave us the gifts that then help us to co-create in this world and help others in the process. Holly Sweat Raper: Some Sabine Kvenberg: I truly believe that. But as we grow more mature and wiser, we can fully stand behind it. Do you feel the same thing? Holly Sweat Raper: absolutely. And in fact, I was the director of career services at a university for 11 years. And so, you know, when we're in our teens and our 20s, we have no idea what we want. We have an idea of what we think we want. And so we do those jobs, those internships. but I mean, my average client Sabine when I was doing career consulting was 54. Sabine Kvenberg: Wow. Holly Sweat Raper: 54. So people who have worked their entire life and then all of a sudden they're either find themselves unemployed because their job went overseas or their plant closed down or they got terminated or they just went, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And they want to do something different. And here's the thing, they do know what they want because They know what they enjoy, they know what they're good at, they know what they like, they know what they don't want to do. And when we're young, I wanted to go into counseling. That's huge. That could be drug and alcohol, that could be I worked with schizophrenic and manic depressives, I worked at a prison. I worked in all of these different places and each one of those things helped me to go, yeah, that's not it. Or, I love this. And so even finding out what we don't like gives us insight on what we have a passion for, what we're good at. So it's constantly evolving. And I can say I'm in my 60s. And I am being stretched and learning things that I never thought I would do. And so, in fact, I have said I have evered, every never, I ever said I would never. Because here's Sabine Kvenberg: Mm. Holly Sweat Raper: the thing, I said I would never do technology. I was terrified of it. I'm doing more technology, and so are you, Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah. Holly Sweat Raper: than I ever imagined. I didn't think I would ever do, I'd ever write a book. I used to say I would rather have my face nailed to the floor than to write. Because I was terrified to write. But then Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah. Holly Sweat Raper: when God calls you to do something, he doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called. we just have to step out and go, wait a minute, he knows more than I do. He believes Sabine Kvenberg: Yes. Holly Sweat Raper: in me. And who am I to question how I was created? If he says I can do it, I can do it. Not just like you said, not on my own, but he's inviting me to partner with him to do amazing things on earth. Sabine Kvenberg: Yes, and that is a very powerful fact. I lived my life that way to follow that instinct. And even though I had no idea how to do things, but I figured it out. And it's it was presented to us. And I think that is the most crucial part. A lot of times people don't take Actions because they are afraid they don't know that. But you figure it out and you will get the right resources or people, whatever you need, if you answer the call. And you answered the call Writing a book. I never thought I would write a book, and especially in a in a different language. But I I started out 20 years ago. When I still had my school, a performing arts school, and I started working with aspiring performers who wanted to get in front of agents and casting directors and start a career. And then I realized why are some successful and others not? And it all starts here: your mindset, your attitude, and everything in between. So I started writing a workbook for them. I didn't think about I want to become an author. I started writing a workbook for them. And then Amazon came along and you could actually publish it there and have a real book in your hand so I could give it to them. That that was the only reason. And then people wanted to have more. if you do something because there is a need and a calling, and then I started my wrote my second book, Unlock Your Full Potential. And that was already an indication when I now have the the dots and connect the dots that God gave me that next step already, teaching, becoming a mentor and helping Holly Sweat Raper: That's right. Sabine Kvenberg: others. And so that's led literally led me to all the other books. And this is what you just mentioned. It is a development for you. everything is a journey and you mentioned writing the book. Holly Sweat Raper: just said something that I want to jump in because I thought it Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah, please. Holly Sweat Raper: was too powerful. And one of the things that you said that I really want your listeners to grab a hold of because what you said was gold. And this is it, is people look at problems and they stop. Whereas if you want to be successful in life, problems become opportunities. To create solutions that bring value. And so that is what makes people successful: looking at problems, just like your dancers and your performers, they needed guidance. So you were like, How can I help? Rather than this is the problem, it became an opportunity to create a solution. So that you could tell them the value they had and instruct them in the ways they should go, right? And that's what brings value, but it also started this other thing. Wait a minute, I know how to teach, I know how to inform. And when we're created for impact, our life is too small to think this is just about us. It is making an in difference for others, and that's what you did. Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah, thank you for for pointing that out. and even if you just touch one person in your life that made a difference, you already did what you came here to do. But of course, it can be multiplied through a book as well, and this is where the power comes in. And your book. was born from losing your husband to cancer. And it's a very powerful book. But before we go into the details Take us back to the time that you had to go through this process that then led you through the grieving after losing your husband. Holly Sweat Raper: so Dan and I were married for 25 years. We have boy-girl twins. and they were off to college. And so we were at in a season in our life, Sabine, where it was fun. The kids were gone, we were empty nesting, we were working on our careers, we were traveling, we were dating each other, we were falling into love. And so now you're just like at a a different season. And it was so much fun. It was so much fun. So we were dreaming about the next 40 years. And all of a sudden, my husband was a healthcare power of healthcare attorney. And he got started turning really, really yellow. He had a a very rare disease called Stoffer syndrome. Basically, what that was was that They identified he had cancer in his kidney that was shutting down his liver. Now that's a really big deal because when you have any kind of operation, anesthesia goes through your liver. So there was very few hospitals could even treat this. anyway, so we were floored that he had cancer, but then when we went to find out about exactly what it was, they said he had stage four. kidney cancer and that this was in July and of 2016 and they didn't think he would live till Thanksgiving or Christmas of that year. Just months. Because again, he it had metastasized to his his lungs, his liver to his kidneys. The the tumor was the size of a football Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah. Holly Sweat Raper: on his kidney. So I mean we went from Dancing and having fun and playing to w what is going on? What do you mean he's he's has he's only gonna live for a couple months? So life just hit a a wall, basically. But I will tell you through this whole thing, when you get knocked off your feet. God will meet you there. He Sabine Kvenberg: Mm-hmm. Holly Sweat Raper: is not just the God of the mountain, but he is the God of the valley. And there were times that I would just pray, Lord, I I I don't know that I can make it through 24 hours. And he and I don't know that I can hold on to you. And he said, just be held. And we felt held. We felt peace. God was doing such miraculous things in our life and in our journey. And if you when you read the book, Living and Victory Not to Feet, it really is an incredible story of victory and miracles. I mean, my husband ended up living an extra two years. Sabine Kvenberg: Mm. Holly Sweat Raper: We saw miracle after miracle. We were seeing tumors go down in my hand. We saw just absolutely amazing miracles happening, and God's timing was perfect. But here's the thing: the people that were watching during this journey kept saying, I don't understand how you all have so much. joy, how you have so much peace. And until you go through that, you you I mean, have no doubt, not a doubt in my mind that God is real, He can turn anything negative into positive. And we all have choices. And that's what this whole book is about is how do we navigate when we get hit from one thing after the other, you mentioned earlier mindset. Sabine Kvenberg: Mm-hmm. Holly Sweat Raper: Am I going to be a victim or I'm going to be a victor? Sabine Kvenberg: So what you just said is very powerful because a God doesn't cause it. We cause Holly Sweat Raper: He tells it. Sabine Kvenberg: everything in our lives. Even something we may have not control over, breathing bad air Holly Sweat Raper: Yeah, sure. Sabine Kvenberg: if we are in that situation. But a lot of times we do. What we what we eat and the way we we live. Everything has consequences in life. But when we turn to faith and everyone has a different path to that. And I want to honor that, because at the end, we are living in a world of billions of people. And my belief is we are all from one source. And how everybody sees it is their choice. But oftentimes we forget that and I s hear this often again and again and again and people may have not even followed scripture or or believed in anything, but when they come to those moments in life, all of a sudden they start praying. and I believe that there is just something intrinsic, there is just that that that God spark that light Holly Sweat Raper: Yes. Sabine Kvenberg: within us that is resurrected in that moment, if you want to use this term, that helps us deal with those critical moments. I write about it in my book as child, how I dealt with a situation, a very, very traumatic situation. And started praying and started creating a prayer. I had even no idea because we didn't go to church at that time. those dark, deep, dark moments certainly for many people where their faith are being ignited. I would like to ask you. of course, people can read the book and go deeper, but what is one practical tool from the book? A listener could use this week. Holly Sweat Raper: Well, probably the the biggest takeaway in my book is mindset. It's a mindset shift. It is I we people can't change the way they feel until they identify the thought that is driving the feeling. And in psychology, that's called cognitive behavioral theory. The way you think determines your feelings, your feelings, results, the results, or your actions, the actions, the results. In scripture, it says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So if you say I can, you're right. If you say I can't, you're right. So we how we believe what we think affects how we Handle things. So it's really, really important to identify what is the lie that you are believing and what is the actual truth. So again, I always go by scripture. So let me give you an example. Three months after my husband passed away. I woke up at three in the morning and the devil started, right? you're completely alone. Dan was your financial provider. You're gonna have to sell your house, you're gonna lose everything, you're fifty-seven years old, nobody's gonna want you, you don't have you haven't been working for the last two years. you've been caretaking, just on and on and on. And Sabine, I was Sweating, I was shaking, I was terrified because all of that seemed like they were facts, but they weren't truth. So this is what I mean. That's how I'm thinking. And so I said, Lord, do you hear this? And I heard in my spirit, yes. What did I tell you to do? And I said, Well, Lord, you told me that I have more authority than the devil. To speak to him and he will flee. So I said, Devil on the daughter of the king, you have no authority, leave. But a seed was planted. I couldn't let that take penetration or take root. And I said, But Lord, I don't have any money. What am I going to do? Dan was my financial provider. I am having to sell my house. And he said, What did I say? Truth. You said, I will take care of your needs according to my riches and glory. And I have unlimited resources. And I said, but I f I'm so alone. The kids were gone, the friends stopped calling, even my church stopped calling. I was just and those people who have gone through loss, you get all this attention while it's happening, and Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah. Holly Sweat Raper: then all of a sudden people kind of go away because they don't know what to say. and so I was just like, Lord, I feel alone. He said, What did I say? And I said, You said, You will never leave me or forsake me. And I am not alone. That's the lie that can spiral us down. And then I said, I haven't worked consistently for the last two years. He said, What did I say? And I said, Well, you said, I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope in a future. Now here's the thing who's right? Me believing it, or God, who's eternal. I think he's gonna be right. And I heard clearly in my spirit, I turned the water into wine at the end of the wedding. I've saved the best for last. Wait till you see what I'm about to do. My trust was in him, even though I had no idea what was going to happen. And I thought, okay. And I went to sleep. Sabine Kvenberg: We do have those two voices within us, the limiting beliefs and the truth. The voice, the the ego voice. I loved how Dr. Wayne Dyer talked about the ego voice like edging God out that Holly Sweat Raper: Mm. Sabine Kvenberg: has that that no you can't do this and and it is also from a human perspective and you probably can second that if you on a scientific level that part of the brain is also there to protect us f when we are in danger and so forth without going in too deep into psychology. But sometimes it's there. It's that, you know, hide f fight and flight response that we have in within us as a human being. and our million-year-old brain still has that within us. But we take this now in our a modern life, sometimes so literally, and and then we not go forward with the good life or the positivity or moving on through grief. And that other voice that is much smaller, what I call the small voice, the the the higher voice, the light, the God voice, the higher power, whatever you want to call it, is there to guide us. And we have to be more receptive and open to listen to that voice. And that Holly Sweat Raper: Right. That's right. Sabine Kvenberg: is what you also refer to the mind shift that we have to do. When the limiting beliefs get so loud. how do you suggest for people to renew their minds when limiting beliefs get that loud in that very moment to do something that maybe can kick them right away from that limiting beliefs? to get to that belief of I can. Holly Sweat Raper: Well I truly believe everybody was created for a purpose so much of our limiting belief is things that Other people have told us, or we've told ourselves, I can't, I don't know how, I'm not enough. And my scripture says, You are more than enough. You know, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. from the time you were in your mother's womb, I had plans for you. And so I go, okay, well, what is the desire in me that I want to do? And To take that and recognize what is the belief. But even when I was working with my clients who had lost a job, 54, they were devastated financially when they lose a job. Limiting mindset would be my first book, Secrets of Landing the Job. that's all a paradigm shift. Instead of I'm unemployed. It is, you know, I said that's the number one. You are not allowed to say you're unemployed. Nobody cares what your circumstances. They want to know what you can do for them. What you can do for them. So I teach people to say their 30-second commercial. I have been in healthcare for the last 20 years. I work on this, this, and this. This is what I do. This is what I've done. Because people want to know what you can do and how you can help them. They're only going to hire you because you can make them money or save them money. So the mind shift is instead of this happened to me, this happened for me. I have gifts and skills and ability that are transferable. And it is not just poor me, poor me, but how can I use what I have done and the experience I have? Miles Monroe has an incredible quote. He says, You do not sell your summer clothes in the winter because summer is coming. Sabine Kvenberg: I like that. Holly Sweat Raper: And so everything is a season, Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah. Holly Sweat Raper: even that difficult loss, financial loss, it is just a season, it too will pass. Pain does pass. Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah. Holly Sweat Raper: You learn from it, you grow from it, you get strengthened from it. But if you just keep it to yourself, and instead of going, how can this help others? you'll never Sabine Kvenberg: That's right. Holly Sweat Raper: Grow and be the person you were meant to be. We are not here to do life alone. Sabine Kvenberg: Talking about seasons, so what is next for you? Speaking, coaching, a next book? Holly Sweat Raper: Yes, well, as you know, when we write a book, people go, you just write a book and then everybody buys it. No, there's a lot of social media that goes in, podcasting, teaching. But what has happened with this particular book is so many people are reading it and saying, my goodness, Holly, I'm reading my story in this book. I see myself in this book. And there's so much strength and so much power. And they're going, how did you navigate so many hurdles with so much authority, so much victory? And so I'm actually creating a living and victory toolkit so that and I'm working with some amazing people right now so that anybody Who is walking through a difficult storm can identify what is their limiting belief? What are they thinking? And how do they connect truth with it so that they have power and go, wait a minute, I'm not alone. Wait a minute, I'm not a victim. Wait a minute. I was created for a purpose and be able to identify that so they can move forward with whatever. devastating thing is happening to them without one losing their faith or two losing themselves when tragedy hits. Sabine Kvenberg: So where can our listeners find you and get living in victory and not defeat and maybe also getting your future products that you are creating right now? Holly Sweat Raper: Yes. anybody who googles me, Holly Sweat Raper, what a name, right? Is it's hollysweatraper.com. That is talks about my books and it has all my social media on there. So podcast and Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, all of that. Or they can go to my website created for the number four success.org. And they have they'll have access to again the books, fortunately, you can get those my book as well as yours on where any books are sold. So Sabine Kvenberg: Yeah, and I'll make sure I'll put all the links in the show notes. Wow, that was such a wonderful conversation, Is there one thing that I perhaps haven't asked you yet that you still want to say and leave our listeners with? Holly Sweat Raper: one of the things that's really hit me and this is a motto that I heard several years ago that just really resonated with me. And the motto is the last person you want to see on your deathbed is the person you could have been. so What's stopping you from moving forward? what do people think? Who cares? I don't know that I have the resources. Well, then ask. fear is false evidence appearing real. You know, it I and I did an actual post that was so funny. Sabine, it was fear is peeing your pants. Courage is walking forward with wet pants. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Sabine Kvenberg: I love it. I love it. I love it. All right. All right, everybody. Thank you so much, Holly for being here today. And I wish everybody to just move forward with courage, with gumption, how I call it, right? Because Holly Sweat Raper: Whip comes to. Sabine Kvenberg: we all have greatness within us. Thanks for tuning in today. Until the next time, always remember serve from the heart. Follow your heart, your passion, and live the life you imagined.