Latest / Let's Get Naked / Taking Ownership of Your Path with Casey Morgan and Keith Westendorf

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Taking Ownership of Your Path with Casey Morgan and Keith Westendorf · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Let's Get Naked podcast, where we dive deep into vulnerability.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_03: In this space, we'll explore what triggers us, uncover the patterns holding us back, and discover how to take charge of our own growth.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: If you're ready to dig in, be vulnerable, and face the tough stuff, then buckle up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's time to get naked.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: Let's kill something right out of the gate.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: The idea that life just happens to you and you're stuck reacting to whatever it throws your way.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no, that's not truth.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: That's a cop-out with a victim costume on.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because here's the reality: nobody wants to own.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: You are the narrator of your life, not your past, not your trauma, not the people who screwed you over.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: You.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: And if your story sounds like nothing ever works out for me, people always do me wrong.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: I just have bad luck.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Congratulations.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: You're not describing your life, you're scripting it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: Let's be real for a second.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: Staying in victimhood is comfortable as hell.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: No responsibility, no accountability, no need to change a damn thing.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because if it's always them, you never have to look at you.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: But here's the problem: you don't get power and victimhood at the same time.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: You have to pick a lane.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I get it, shit happens.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Hard shit, unfair shit, stuff that will knock you on your ass and make you question everything.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: But what happens next?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's where the line gets drawn.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: You can either turn it into proof that life is against you, or turn it into fuel that changes you.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: Same situation with a different lens.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: And that's the part people don't want to hear.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's not what happened, it's what you choose to make it mean.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: That you were holding the paintbrush.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: So if your entire canvas is dark, heavy, and hopeless, at some point you've got to ask yourself, why the hell do I keep choosing that color?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because flipping the lens that requires something most people avoid like the plague, ownership.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: It means saying, Yeah, that sucked, and I'm not staying there.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they did that, and I get to decide what happens next.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I've been negative as hell, and I can change it.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: This isn't about toxic positivity, we're not slapping glitter on pain and pretending it didn't hurt.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: This is about refusing to stay stuck in it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: There's a difference because the second you shift from why is this happening to me, to what am I going to do with this?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: Everything changes.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: That's the moment you wake up.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: And today's conversation, this isn't theory.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: I've got two people sitting with me who have lived on both sides of this.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: They know what it feels like to sit in the negative, to wear the victim label, to see everything through that lens.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: And they also know what happens when you decide I'm done telling that story.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: So if you've been walking around thinking life is happening to you, I'm gonna challenge you right now to pick up the damn paintbrush because nobody is coming to rewrite your story.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's your job.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: Let's get naked.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Today I'm stripping it all off with extraordinarily important people in my life, Casey and Keith, who I also call Tony, for those listening in case you're wondering what the hell's going on.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: So welcome to the show, you guys.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: So um, we were talking a little bit before we started recording about the topic and what we're gonna get into today.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: I just thought that this was a really powerful conversation to have with both of both of them, because I think both of them are in a place where um their eyes have been opened in the last couple of years to just the whole victim mentality and the lens that you look through when you're looking through that negative uh life is happening to you, and you don't have any control over that, you don't have the power.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: And so um I would love for each of you maybe to just give me a little bit of a um background and kind of what that brings up for you, where you feel like you've gotten with that, and and maybe just say a little bit about where you are in your personal journeys with that, and then we can kind of get into it from there.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: So do either of you want to start, you're both looking at me with these dough eyes.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, I excuse me, I have been living that my whole life of not having control of things, not and and living the mentality because that's how we were raised, of living in people are doing things to you and never what's your part.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that changed for me probably about 15 years ago, and it was a very minor change, but I was I it was when I first first started therapy, and my therapist was awesome, and he brought that holy hell of a question that we were talking about something, and he said, What's your part in that?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: My your instinct, your immediate instinct is to be like, What the hell are you talking about?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: There's no, I don't have a part in that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: These are terrible fucking people.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, and it's not it, that's not it at all.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: It is what have you allowed to have help to happen to you yourself, and that kind of stayed stagnant for a number of years because I got busy with traveling and surgeries and work and again kind of letting work, letting life happen to me.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: But in the past few years, I've gotten back into therapy, and a life-altering moment for me was a really horrible relationship that I was in last year and the year a few months for the few months of the year prior, and just being miserable in that entire time.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And but at the same time feeling very connected at home, at peace, because of all the other things that were going along with it.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it was also mortifying the things that I was allowing to happen.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So when I broke it up, I didn't go and say, oh, well, that person was just a terrible person, and this.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, I immediately looked because I'd already had that process started.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I immediately looked at myself and started saying, What did I allow?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I have, I think I might have mentioned this on another episode.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I have a laundry list of shit that I let that I let happen.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And and it all starts with me, because if it if I had been in a different place or if I had more love, self-respect, all the things, it would be, well, that would have never happened to start with.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not what we're trained, that's not how we're what we're taught, that's not anything.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And we carry that shit into adulthood.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then just a majority of people just accept that this is how life is, this is how humans are, and they don't look any deeper in it and just say, well, my life sucks.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it's and it's wild because for those listening that don't know, Tony is my brother.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_03: He's my baby brother.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: And watching him go through that stuff was really difficult from the sidelines because you're not going to go in in somebody else's life and be like, hey, wake up.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's just not how it works.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but knowing that, you're the one that's allowing that.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: You have do have control over that.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that was a really savagely important relationship for your growth because that seed was planted 15 years ago.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: And yes, maybe life got in the way, but you knew that seed was there.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: Because when someone tells you that, when someone does ask you, what's your part, I think initially when that happens, you get very defensive because it's like, what are you talking about?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: For me, AA was a big part of that and just the therapy that happened when I quit drinking of uh what's my part in it?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, what are you talking about?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, you have a part in everything, right?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: Good news, bad news.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: Because at first, when you see that and it's like, fuck you, is where my mind goes to.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: But then also when you take ownership of that and say, okay, if you had had better boundaries, if you did love yourself more, if you did have like all of these different things, that would have never happened to you.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: So it's not just happening to you.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_03: Those choices that you've made are what bring that relationship in.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: But then also looking at that from a standpoint of that's happening for you and for your growth, because you probably have had the most growth surrounding that relationship, then I can look at in 10 years for you and see, right?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like, what a beautiful thing to have happened.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: Was that terrible and you know, painful and all of the things?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: Lucky, right?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: Like I look at that and say, lucky to you.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I come from that place as well now in my personal journey where when messed up things are happening to me, I'm grateful.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: I'm grateful for the pain.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm grateful for the hard things because that's how I, that's how I grow, you know, and they continue to get harder and harder, but you're you're aware that they're happening, and then you can take control over what's going on and then make different choices and understand like you do deserve better.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: You should love yourself.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like all of the conditioning and the programming that you're talking about, you're right.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: I I grew up in the same household.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: I was handed the exact same shit.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um good news, bad news, but you you have control over whether you decide you want to carry that stuff forward or not.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: And we have all of these tools to be able to really heal from from our childhoods or from our trauma or from whatever happened, and then take that forward.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so for me, that's a that's a beacon of hope for other people to say, hey, maybe look in the mirror.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, it stings at first, but when you are able to say, you're right, I did call that in, and here's why.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we are literally writing our own story.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: When I say in the intro, you're holding your own paintbrush, I truly believe that to my core.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: I believe that what we put in our minds, I believe that what we allow by lack of boundaries or whatever it is, I believe that we're writing our own story.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: And so when you realize that, you also realize, I'm the one holding the paintbrush or I'm the one holding the pen.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: I can write this differently for myself.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I've watched as you've grown in front of my eyes, I couldn't be happier for you, right?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I stay on the outside for the most part unless I feel like, oh my God, I got to step in real quick.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: I'm terrible at that because I used to be like all in everyone's lane all the time.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_03: I try not to do that.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: But I just want what's best for everybody and I and I just want to share the stuff that I have.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why I thought it's so powerful to have you guys come on as guests and just share.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: Here's what my experience has been, because there are those people that are listening, which I think is the majority of people out there that just think life is happening to them.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they have that negative victim mentality lens that they look through, uh, and there's no power in victimhood.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, would you would you agree with that as far as just what you've taken and what your eyes have been open to, that it's like, oh my God, wow, this is powerful.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because and and we might touch on this a little more detailed later, but as part of this and as part of healing, without even really making a whole lot of effort, things just start popping into my brain because now you see the pattern.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I look at it with my my relationship prior to this most recent one.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: It was long distance, so it felt different, and there was a little bit of a language barrier and all that, but overall, same shit was still there, and then it just starts happening.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And y'all be driving to one work and be like, oh, that guy Mike that I saw, and I remember like I was actively trying to push myself on him, and no, he didn't want to have anything to do with me, or just letting people giving people rides and not asking for any gas money or whatever, and then being resentful about it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just letting this happen.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not in control of anything, I'm not making agreements with people, and then I'm pissed at them.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: And when you recognize that pattern, to me, that's everything, right?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: When you catch the pattern, that's the biggest step.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: Realizing that it's even there.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like I get so jacked up energetically when I talk about patterns because it's like, that's the shit that you can change.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's the stuff that you can say, oh, you don't like that?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you don't want to be dating, you know, a narcissist, for example, but you just keep calling in narcissistic partners.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, it's you, boss.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_03: Notice the common denominator in that situation.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: Does that hurt at first?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then the power comes in where you go, okay, I get it.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: Where does that come from?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: And how am I going to change so that that isn't a pattern I continue to repeat because I don't want to, right?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like I don't want to have these things where um it's negative or it makes me feel bad, or I do these things and then get resentful after.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: I built a whole mountain of resentment in my life because of the exact same things.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: I did everything for everyone with no expectation of what the exchange was going to be.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't have to be monetarily, but you understand that it can't just be I'm going to give, give, give, give, give.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: I found myself completely empty, completely empty, full of resentment, full of screw everybody else, you know, mentality.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm the one, I'm the one who is allowing that.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the one who's not only allowing that, but scripting that for myself and calling that in because of those patterns.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: So being able to recognize the patterns and do the work to change, you know, it's really powerful stuff.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: Casey, why don't you tell me kind of what where you feel like you are in that in that journey of just kind of the victimhood mentality and the negativity and waking up from that?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I would say for me, it's more of a recent realization.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um getting married really young and being married for a while.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_04: I just I was like in this bubble of this is just my life and this is what we do.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_04: We have kids, we got married, we got a house, blah, blah, blah.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_04: And then that didn't work out.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_04: And uh that was a that was difficult, obviously.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_04: So going through that, I made some decisions that for a long time I felt like were the other person's fault.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_04: I got into a relationship with somebody who had nothing to offer me, but I was lonely and I allowed shit to happen, and I kept, I gave and gave and gave and gave and gave.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I used to say I wasn't expecting anything, and I like you were just saying, and I I wasn't, but I was.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_04: I wanted him to love me, I wanted him to you know show affection, and I never got those things, and I just kept on giving until I was not me.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_04: I wasn't anybody, I was a shell of a person, and and then I still continued to let it happen.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_04: And so now, especially, you know, seeing or working with Keith every day, we chat about all the things we're going through, and it really does help me to realize my patterns because I'm not quite in therapy yet, although I know I need to be.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_04: So he's kind of my therapist at the moment, but um you don't realize the patterns until you kind of wake up one day and it was like, I'm just letting this person run the show.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I why would he change?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and you're a willing participant in that, which is the biggest thing that slaps you in the face because it's like you do have to own your part and acknowledge that you are literally scripting that for yourself.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: It's just a different person that you put into that position.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: And again, conditioning, programming, stuff from when you're younger, we just think that that's normal and we just roll into that.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: That's the reason why they call it generational patterns and all of these things, but it's like I'm a disruptor.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: I call bullshit on stuff because I I see how powerful that is and how amazing your life can be when you say, My bad, that was all that's on me, right?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: Doesn't matter that somebody else handed it to me.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the one who continues to hold it.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the one who continues to carry it.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: You can set it down at any time.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when people look at it and it's like, you make it seem so easy, I'm like, I get it, right?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: It it should be because the work is hard, but is it any harder than the bullshit that you were going through?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: I maintain that it isn't, right?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_03: I say it's hard, right?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: Pick your hard.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: For me, I would rather be growing where I'm working through those things where I don't feel like I need somebody else to complete me, like in your situation, Casey, right?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: Still trying to process that.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: And that's okay, right?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it's such a beautiful thing that you and Tony have a relationship where you can talk about those kinds of things.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I look at what we have going on at work, and I think it's just like this petri dish of healing that's happening.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I've never been more proud of anything that I've been involved in ever, because that's where it's at, right?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: Look at the impact that that has, not only on your life and your life, but other people that are around that see that and go, okay, what's different?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when I was really in the thick of my healing and people were noticing how much lighter I was, how much freer I was living, like all of those things.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: I had people that are like, what are you doing?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: I want in.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: Because I will maintain that I'm reverse aging, right?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: I have energy for days.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: I have things that are just like, you know, I never would have thought even possible that are happening in my life because I was willing to go, that one's me, that one's me, that one's me, that one's me.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Because if you blame somebody else and say, like, oh, it's just happening to you, that victim mentality is really, it's it's a limiting position.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, oh, this is stuck in.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: It is, right?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's easy to live in that every single day.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: But when you say, what are my choices that allow that to be?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: And doing nothing is a choice, right?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: Allowing someone to be in your life and doing nothing to get them out is a choice.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it's really hard.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when you talk about somebody, uh, you're wanting somebody to love you and to show you affection, it's like we were never taught that we have everything that we need in our own four walls.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I truly believe that, right?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_03: I truly believe that we have what we need.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that you have to figure out who you are and make you happy before you can have a partner that's worth worth having, right?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: Because if not, you're trying to convince someone else in whatever ways you're doing that to give you what you feel like you need, which then just continues to fuel the fire of you not being enough, you feeling inadequate, right?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: Because they're never gonna do that, as you wouldn't for somebody else.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like when you talk it through, it makes perfect sense.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_04: It really does.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_04: It was like so obvious.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_04: Once you say it out loud, it's like, oh my God, like, why would he be any better than what I am right now?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: I suck now.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: But isn't that such a beautiful thing?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's like if I don't, if I don't demand better, if I don't feel like I need better, why would he?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: I had that same situation with Cameron when it was like, I felt like I was doing everything.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_03: This is, you know, however many years ago.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I'm doing all the things, right?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm carrying the cognitive load for the house, I'm doing all of the things at the house, I'm doing all this, that, and whatever.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I looked at it and I'm like, why would it be any different?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'm doing all of the things.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_03: If someone came to me and said, Ann, go ahead, sit down, we're gonna take everything from here.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: Am I gonna be like, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: Of course I'm gonna let them.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: How lovely is that?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: How am I gonna then have resentment towards somebody else for that component of it?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and that was the whole thing when I when I was talking to Cameron about it.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, Who asked you to do all of those things?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: And he was coming from a, you know, like he's a trusted source at my table of life that I he can be honest with me.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: Does it still sting?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: It felt like I got gut punched when he said that to me, but for a good reason, because then I started going, who did ask me to?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: Why am I carrying all of this stuff?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: Why am I the one that feels responsible to do that?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: But I watched our mother do the whole martyr thing and just give, give, give, give, give, give, give until she was completely empty, right?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: And not put her priorities into play, not keep her needs, not any of that stuff.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so that just keeps on rolling, where it's like you just keep doing for other people with no expectation of any exchange, right?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then just build that resentment.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like resentment's a killer.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: Like to me, I look at the resentment component of it for my healing.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's nasty shit.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: That's nasty shit, and it gets on everything.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's like if you feel like slime poured over your life, right?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: Put your put your life in a container and it's rocks or whatever.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: That resentment is just slime, it's on everything.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: And then everything is conditional, everything doesn't feel good.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like, but you've just architected that.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: Is that even a word?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: I say that.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not architected?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, excellent.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: I know, thank you.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: It just sounds weird.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, should I be saying something else?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but but you know, you're the architect of that.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: You you called all of that stuff in.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: You did that to yourself.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: Because if you don't speak up and say, speak your truth, say, no, I'm not doing that, or yes, I can, but here are the conditions to what that, you know, what that makes sense for me, then you get what you get.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and to and for two parts to build on that, when we're can when we're architecting that.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, thank you.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: It one thing that I I don't know if it's necessarily true for you.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know we're very similar, is when we're architecting that, um, I'm architecting this life where nobody leaves.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And of course they leave.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: I understand that in the heart in my heart of hearts, but when you're looking at friendships and relationships and family and all of those things, you we're doing everything we can to hold on to somebody who we shouldn't be trying to hold on to because we have this fear or this belief that every we have to do everything that we can do to within our power to have people stay.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Do you think that stems from a fear of abandonment?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I say that only because I that's something that I have been has been coming up in my life and patterns recently, where I really last night while I was journaling, I was like, wonderful.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's I'm like, I think that's where all of these things that keep coming up are rooted in.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I I started doing a little bit of a deep dive on the Googles, right?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: We have that worldwide web that we can just figure things out on.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, and it's good for it's good for other things, not just uh, you know, social media or whatever.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like you can actually use that device for growth and for figuring things out.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: But as I was putting that in there, like, what are the symptoms of fear of abandonment?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: How is that like deep rooted stuff?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: And it was coming back as everything that I had going on was from that.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know specifically where that comes from.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it doesn't tie back to like, oh, at this Time I had somebody leave me at a fire station doorstop or whatever, right?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: But you don't also don't have to know whatever that is.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: You can see that's deep-rooted from what it wherever it stems from.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: And also then say, okay, I don't want to have that.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: I've made this commitment where I will not live in fear.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: And so whenever I find anything that's rooted in fear, I have to figure out what it is and get it out.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I've done enough on my own journey where I don't even need to go see a therapist anymore because I have enough tools.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and I'm not saying that I wouldn't if I felt like I needed to, but I have enough tools now where I feel like, okay, I'm going to deep dive into this and I'm going to get this figured out because I have a brain that understands it works for me, not against me, which is also a really big step in the direction of healing.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I don't want to live in fear of these things.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to be, you know, this fear of abandonment where you feel like you have to have people that don't leave.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, people are meant to come and go in your life as a season, right?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like they always have.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: And they always have, right?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's like there's no, you're always going to be here, you're always going to be here.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_03: This is life.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but if you're if you're operating out of fear, anything rooted in fear, you're not living your best life.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and that's such a big that actually is continues to be a slightly painful for me because I haven't really explored it too much.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're looking at that from a perspective of, yeah, I've had people leave my life.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have cut people out very unsystematically.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I call myself the original ghoster because I didn't have the tools or the capacity to tell people, hey, I don't like who you are as a person.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I'm not maintaining this.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: We were coworkers, so I had to maintain it.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: We were doing all these things.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of all that, I'd be like, instead of saying, hey, I don't like you as a person, kindly fuck the fuck, fuck right up.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I would just block them, I would get rid of them and whatever.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this was before that there was a word for that.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's becoming like it's becoming a little painful because then you look at, I think, in in the ways of people who you really want to be in your life, it becomes once you start working on yourself more, it becomes a process to realize, like, yeah, even people in my current life may or may not be there.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: It might be an aunt or an uncle, it might be a uh family or friends or whatever, loved ones in some way, shape, or form.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're looking at that, that sucks too, because that's part of you having boundaries.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's part of you not just letting things happen.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: It part of it is understanding and processing and grieving that sometimes you have to make that decision.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And not in a not in a shitty way, right?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like cutting, like sometimes sometimes people just need to be cut off.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I always had that idea of like, well, I need to explain.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, you don't need to explain shit.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: If people don't know what they've done to you, which almost always they do know what they've done to you, then that's on them to discover.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't want to discover that, that's fine.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what you need, and that's to not be with those people.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: But that's part of not feeling like we have to be, oh yeah, everybody has to be in our life when we have to hold on to all of these people and we have to do no.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: And everyone has to like me and like all of this stuff.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, if it's not aligned, it's not aligned and it's literally that easy.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't have to be a nasty gross thing in the same way that you, you know, invented ghosting.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: I invented like, I'll sit down and break up with you.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, people look at me and they're like, oh, you guys aren't, you know, weren't friends anymore.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, no, no, we just sat down and had a conversation.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like it doesn't align for me.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: I don't feel good about myself when we're done spending time together.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_03: This isn't whatever.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm very open and honest about having those conversations.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: I have because it's like I I want to respect the friendship for whatever time went into that.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: But um, but also I'm not going to keep someone in my life that is not healthy for me because I realize how important that is, how important your energy is, how important it is when you have people that are sucking on you that don't have any business doing that.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Casey, when you talk about being in this relationship for years, it's like that could have gone on for the rest of your life.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I watch as people do that, and then they wonder why they're miserable.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, you guys, we gotta start taking care of ourselves.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_03: Let's be real.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: Life doesn't come with a manual, but it does come with chaos.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_03: I wrote this book because I got tired of drowning and everyone else's noise and needed a way to fix my own shit.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_03: This isn't some sugar-coated self-help nonsense.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's rich, it's honest, and it's packed with tools that actually work in the middle of real life.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_03: If you're ready to stop playing small, take back your energy, and get unapologetically you again.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_03: This book is your playbook.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_03: You can pick up your copy of the Life Pack Playbook on Amazon or on our podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I thought I was by putting up, I thought I was putting up boundaries by speaking my mind and trying to communicate, but it never got, it never went anywhere.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: It was the constant conversation over and over, and nothing ever changed.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_04: But then I still allowed for it to continue.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: But literally begging for bare minimum.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: If that crumbs, right?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: I look at that I look on, I look at that from the standpoint of, and and Keith, you mentioned something earlier about just like a worthiness component of it, maybe.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_03: I I struggled with that too early on.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: Of why have I spent years, decades even feeding off of crumbs from other people, of either validation or whatever?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_03: Again, I maintain that I think everything that you need is within these four walls.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_03: I know that I'm enough.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_03: I got to a place where up until a couple of years ago, I couldn't even say I am enough without my voice shaking, without feeling like a fraud.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and it's like, are you crazy?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I look at the things that I've done in the course of my life.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_03: Of course I'm enough.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_03: Why, how as a grown-ass woman in her 40s am I struggling with saying that?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_03: But I do think that that programming and that conditioning for whatever your brand is that you were dealt is so savagely strong that it is really hard to break that.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um, which is, I think, also why it's really important that we talk about this stuff.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's important why we have like that we have these conversations, not only on the podcast, but also just in your life, right?
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: When people are listening to the podcast, I want that to be something that sparks uh your curiosity for yourself.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: Listen to it, you know, with friends or or or you know, when you hear something that that triggers something in you, write that down and talk with other people about what does that bring up for you when I say this or that or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like life is an open book test.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_03: Act accordingly on it, you know.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like when you guys talk about things and you're not able to be in therapy right now, and you are able to be in therapy, how lovely is that to be able to share.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_03: Here's some of the things that worked for me.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_03: You have to be able to have people that um you don't get defensive with, that you know that Tony is coming from the best possible place, that he, you know, that he wants the best.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_03: It is, it's coming from love.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: He only wants the best from you.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: Does that mean stuff doesn't sting?
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_03: Of course not.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_03: It does.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_03: Thank God that you love him enough where you can say, okay, that's that stings.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going, what am I gonna go do?
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna go chew on that, I'm gonna let that sink in.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna circle back with him, you know, ask additional questions, come from a place of curiosity instead of judgment.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_03: I just think when you do those kind of basic uh fundamentals of working on yourself, you're really able to go far in figuring out who you are, what you want to carry forward, where is that talking to me in my body?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um, we've spent so long not listening to our guts and to our body when it's telling us something is wrong.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because you can look at that relationship that you're referring to, Casey, and go, your body is screaming, make it stop.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I know that you're doing the same thing, right?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, we can look at that and say, And what did we do?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_03: We stuffed it down.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_03: We stuffed it down and numbed on top of it, stuffed it down and numbed on top of it.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_03: Your body's going, hey, hey, hey, hey, something's not right here.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_03: And you go, shh, stuffed it down.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'd lie to myself.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: You'd lie to yourself because you're trying to keep the other person comfortable or whatever, whatever it is, right?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_03: There's a there's a variety of reasons why we would do that.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: But when I look back now and go, God, I didn't honor my body for so long.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_03: And now I do because I do these mini, you know, these things that are like deposits into really letting myself know.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_03: I want, I want to segue into something, Tony, where you've done this whole thing, you've helped me immensely with not apologizing to other people.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to say this, yes, because this and anything else that this brings up for you guys, because as you're making those deposits in yourself, right?
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_03: So yes, great, recognize the pattern, super important.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_03: Understand, am I living in this victimhood mentality?
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, what can I do about it?
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_03: Just recognizing things, but then making deposits into so that your body can trust yourself.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_03: And so I used to do a thing where I apologized all the time, or maybe you want to jump in here, Tony, and kind of describe what what you we work together on for that.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_03: Because it was powerful.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot, it's really common.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I I notice it in so many places, and I don't say it to other people that I don't know because I'm this big white guy, and sometimes that can be really threatening, even if the with the nicest, softest voice.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I tend not to do it with strangers, but as a society, we tend to say sorry for anything and everything.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, but I look at it uh in a way where you're doing it so often that you're basically apologizing for your existence.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're like, oh, well, um, I had to come in late, sorry.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Did anybody say anything to you about it?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, was there a need to apologize for it?
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where it kind of I don't know what flipped the script for me or when, because it has been so many years at this point.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Where, oh, I'm uh I gotta go to the bathroom, sorry.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I need a drink, take a drink, sorry.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I need to go run and do this thing really quick, sorry.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: Stop.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because for me, it it really landed in first and foremost the more you apologize for things that aren't don't need an apology, the less your apology actually means when it matters.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when because the likelihood that you'll need to apologize is maybe for something is maybe once a month, depending on what you do and how busy you are in your active circle and your family and friends and all that.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the other part of that is it, I think it continues to show you and your body that you aren't you're not okay with just being there.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're not, you have to, you you're not okay with your presence.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have to apologize for every little thing, but it's everywhere.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I say excuse me because I just need to, and I say, excuse me, I just need to pass by and whatever.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: I just say excuse me.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I find it more often in in women than men, they will say a sorry.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what do you what are you sorry for?
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're for me, that's an apology for your existence.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm not looking for that.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, please come on through.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, thank you.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: Excuse me as well.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's literally all.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And or people will say, Oh, sorry, in lieu of excuse me.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry for what?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, because then it it's just lost at this point, and it reaffirms to you and your mind that I'm taking up space and I'm sorry for it.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_03: It when we started working on this years ago, you started really hammering that home for me.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I cannot be, I could not be more grateful to you for that.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, again, it's hard to take that kind of stuff from people that are not in your trusted circle.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's hard enough to take it from people that are in your trusted circle.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_03: So you're definitely not going to take it from people that are outside.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so it's important for you to be able to say, stop apologizing.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: What are you sorry for?
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: Tony would do that to me all the time when I would say that.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_03: And he'd be like, What are you apologizing for?
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_03: Stop apologizing.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: And he would catch me on it all the time to the point where then I would start catching it and then also helping other people because I agree with you.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_03: I think that that gets down to um just to your existence of things.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_03: Use, you know, use excuse me when that's appropriate.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_03: Language matters.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we were at a ball game recently where people that were walking through, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, why?
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_03: I don't have an expectation that just because I sit on the end that you never get up, excuse me, works in that situation a thousand percent.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I hadn't thought about that until you just said it as far as just that all the way down to your existence.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it does.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_03: Words matter, language matters.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_03: Don't don't put that in, you know, that you're sorry.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: And like you said, then it takes away from when you're at your actual apologizing what that the weight of that, it's really important.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_03: What does that bring up for you, Casey, when we talk about that?
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_03: Do you struggle with that as well?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_04: I say sorry all the time, but he like for you, he calls me out all the time.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, which is great, right?
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_04: And it does I never take offense to it.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_04: And it's sometimes I catch myself and he doesn't call me out and we'll have a conversation.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_04: I say, wait, I'm not sorry.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_04: And then I continue on.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it's helped a lot.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes I still say it in public, I notice, but I'm I'm aware of it now.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_03: I remember years and years ago, Casey and I have worked together for 20 years.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_03: Casey's been in my life for a long, long time.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_03: And she would, if she made a mistake or something didn't work out exactly as she wanted, she would say, she would say, Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: And it really messed with her like in a bad way.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so I said, please don't do that to me anymore.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_03: I said, say, say too bad, so sad, right?
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_03: Like when something didn't go well or you fuck something up, just and then she so she would start signing off on emails of like, this didn't go the way I wanted it to, or I fucked this up or whatever.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_03: And then it would be TBSS too bad, so sad.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's like there's no apology.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_03: Mistakes happen.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's something different if you're, you know, had intent or there was something that happened or whatever.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't need an apology.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_03: Casey runs my whole entire life.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_03: Do I have expectations that things aren't gonna like that everything's always gonna work out?
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: No, but should she carry the weight of, you know, I put that on myself.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_03: She you did, and then she carried that around and I could feel that, I could tell that.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, okay, that, you know, whatever cleaners didn't come, whatever the fuck it was, it doesn't even matter.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's like there's no apology that's necessary.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: Too bad, so sad.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_03: That didn't go well, right?
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah, but it does.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_03: I think that made a huge difference of just being able to really understand.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to carry that, but we do that to ourselves, and then we wonder why our bodies are sick, right?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_03: Because I'll maintain as you look around at people who are just not in great health.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_03: I absolutely believe that that has to do with what we do to ourselves and what we do to ourselves, right?
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's the key phrase in that, what we do to ourselves.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_03: Because I was doing things to myself that as I after I started recognizing, I go, why am I doing that?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: But but if you don't have people that you can talk with about things, if you don't have people where you can recognize and go, get curious, people that make you curious about the things that you have going on in your life, right?
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_03: Like he does that for me.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_03: He does.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that really powerful?
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's huge.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like if I didn't have him, I would still be on this journey, I think, but but I would be way far behind.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I think I I described this the other day, and I really like this analogy, but kind of your personal, your self-exploration journey is kind of like you know, a sweater and there's a yarn, this string that's at the bottom, right?
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_03: And you just start pulling it.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_03: You have to get curious enough to start pulling it and be willing to see what's going to come out.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: And a lot of people don't do that because they're afraid.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: But the problem is they'll stay, excuse me, in these uh mediocre, you know, this mediocre hamster wheel, or even not even mediocre, less than mediocre hamster wheel, because they're afraid of whatever they're going to find on their self-exploration journey.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I would love each of you to kind of talk to a little bit about that.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um, he's just part of your self-exploration journey, which is awesome, right?
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm part of yours.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_03: You're both part of mine.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, but what does that bring up for you as far as like, are you afraid to go to the next step?
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: Are you are you afraid to continue to uncover things?
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_03: Because now you're however many steps into your journey.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_03: I would look at both of you and say, it's impressive to watch in front of my eyes because I watch as you guys are both having aha moments, and vice versa.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like when I'm having aha moments, I'm at your table of life and I can share, like, oh my God, this is the thing that I just learned.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_03: And we're all meant to kind of share that with one another.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_03: But do you feel like you're still scared to kind of be taking the steps on that or pulling the yarn?
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_04: Or I don't know if scared's the right word, but I I like comfort, and I I think that's what holds me back.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_04: And I sometimes don't even realize it.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_04: It's just like, well, this is this is just what it is.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_04: I'm comfortable here, but I don't know, I don't think it's scared.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_04: It's just a little bit of more forcing myself.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and I think also like just reframing that comfort to know that comfort is bad.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like to me, comfort is bad.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_03: If if if, you know, Cameron and I have said for a long, long time, comfort is a four-letter word.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think that there's anything good that comes from comfort, right?
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't mean like I'm comfortable sitting here.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_03: I mean like in life, if you're just going through the motions and not pushing yourself and not learning and not growing, to me, that's a dangerous place to be.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know who put out the PSA years and years ago that like you get to middle school and then you just stop growing.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_03: But that's literally what I feel like has happened because you can look at 40-year-olds, 50-year-olds, 30-year-olds, all of that.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_03: We've all been stunted emotionally at middle school.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_03: And no one has elevated past that point.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_03: Very few people, I will say, a small percentage of the population are actually human adults.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_03: Most people are human children in different aged bodies, right?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_03: Once you hear that, once you know that, once you see that in your workplace, in your family, in your other things, you can't unsee that, right?
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I look at people and I'm like, you know, we had a contractor at the house.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_03: He's a fucking 40-year-old toddler.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, stop it, stop it.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_03: You're embarrassing yourself.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but I forget as I continue to grow it with in my emotional intelligence that 90% of the people are still at that place.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, hey guys, come up here.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's a so much more fun, right?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_03: You can navigate an incredible life.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_03: Just keep coming on on whatever your journey is.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it's different for everybody.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, that that whole middle school EQ.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_03: Once I saw that, I thought about that.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, think about like like chew on that and think about it.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I think about it all the time.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_03: I can't unsee it.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_04: I can't unsee it.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I always felt like I I always feel like I'm the immature one.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_04: And I know I'm like silly and goofy and whatever.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_04: But I always thought, oh, I'm just like, I'm not a serious person, but I I just don't think I ever grew up.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Most people are just better at hiding it.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_03: All it is.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's it's just a mess.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but look at it.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, so you have people that work their work their job, not happy about what it is that they do for work, generally speaking, right?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: Um, they triage with going out and getting blasted on the weekends, cause their own suffering because so-and-so is fucking somebody else's wife because he feels empty and this makes him feel good and like that.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_03: Literally just causing all of your own suffering, all of the emotional bullshit that these women are, not supporting one another.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my God, can you believe Sheila wore that fucking outfit?
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_03: Can you believe she'd fucking forgot that I don't love the color yellow and that triggered me?
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like all of this stuff.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, are you guys serious right now?
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's how you want to spend one of your gifts.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_03: Because to me, this life is a gift, right?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_03: We've been given a gift.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_03: You want to spend one of your days in that way?
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_03: What an odd choice.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: And again, no judgment.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_03: I spent lots of days in that.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_03: I spent way too many days in that situation.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_03: But now that I see it, now that I understand it, it's like I will put everything I have behind trying to share the knowledge with other people because I feel like the journey that I've been on, I feel like I've discovered the cheat codes.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's like this life is a game.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I found the cheat codes, and I just want to share it because it's like the more that you guys go on this journey that you're both on, isn't it like, okay, okay, this is easier.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, this is easier.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, sure, it's hard to navigate the things, but also so is staying stuck.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_03: So you get to choose your hard.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I will maintain that the one that we're on is way more fun.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_04: Then it feels really good.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my God, it feels great.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, do you feel lighter as you continue to do the work?
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_03: Say maybe say more about that a little bit.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we're trying to sell to the people that are listening.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_03: We're selling nothing, by the way.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_03: We're selling like freedom.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like we want people to drink the Kool-Aid.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: I do want people to drink the Kool-Aid because I do think that the more healed that we are, the more that you share that with other people in the same way that you two share it with one another.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's exactly what it is.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_03: You pass that down to your kids, you pass that to other people.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like, think about the stuff that you've been able to share with our parents as an example, or other people that you come into contact with stuff.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's just that planting that seed, that's all it is.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: You're planting seeds with other people so that they understand it can be different and then a resource when it's there.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_03: My method used to be let me club you over the head with a fucking hammer because I'm a little bit aggressive in my excitement for us need that.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_03: Some of us need that.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad that I got enough of you where I'm like, okay, I can take a breath for a second and then let you guys go plant seeds.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but that's literally what I feel like is, you know, that's the work that's there.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_03: But what do you, what do you feel like as far as being lighter?
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_03: I guess that was my question.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_03: Is what does the lighter feel like for you and and the motivation for you to do the the work?
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_04: I think the lighter for me, um, I don't know how to say it.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's like I'm finding myself.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_04: So that alone is like, oh, that's who I am.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_04: And that just feels instead of like carrying all this bullshit on top of like that wasn't me.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_04: And so yeah, I think it's just helping to find myself.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_03: Do you feel like you're coming back to yourself?
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, I felt like I don't think I ever had myself.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, so I think because of the trauma of so young, right?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's where that starts when you have trauma so young.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_03: You maybe you were came out of the box this certain way, right?
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_03: I think for me, I have qualities and characteristics that are Anne, right?
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_03: That have been and since I can look at pictures of when I was a baby.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's Anne.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_03: But then life happens, right?
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_03: You have all this gunk that comes on top, trauma, other things, conditioning, programming, all of this stuff.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, when I'm doing the work, what it feels like for me specifically is just like almost peeling back layers where I'm like, she is in there, right?
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_03: That and that lives carefree, that you know, is takes care of the just all of the things that is me, I feel like I'm figuring that out.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: Out because when I see that, when I pull some trauma back or I pull some bullshit back, do some work, whatever, and I feel lighter, I get a glimpse of that, and it feels like I'm coming home.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm coming home to myself as just getting that gunk off, you know.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_03: And that's I think where the lighter feels come in for me.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_03: What does that bring up for you, Tony?
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: I do feel lighter.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I am now to the point where I I'm not necessarily like afraid of doing continuing the path and doing the work.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it does get a little overwhelming and a little frustrating at times because I don't know about you, but for me, the more I look at my life and who I am and how I am, and the and working on myself, the more it's just like it seems to be 10 things added and one thing removed, which is fine because that's a whole part of the process.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: But it does get incredibly overwhelming of because it's not a majority of what we're dealing with, especially when it comes to mental health, is not just do this.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, yes, sometimes it is just that simple of like just do this differently, just do this differently, and that's fine.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: But a majority of it is needing some guidance, needing the tools, needing all of the and to do a lot of difficult work, maybe not a lot, but doing difficult work.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's getting better and worse all the time because yep, I I have been in a cleaning mode this week.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't been in a cleaning mode in years.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's weird.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's like I've been really doing really well this week.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't it fun though?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_04: Like my laundry, it's all put away.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_04: Can you believe it?
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you guys are killing me because I'm looking at my what's going on in my life, and I'm like, oh my god.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the that's the hard part, is you look at stuff like that, and yeah, it does suck.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it should be that easy.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: Where it's not like, hey, we finally put our laundry away after two weeks.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: It should be that easy, yeah.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: But mentally, like it's so much more complicated.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many layers behind that of why you do the things you do and and where that shows up and why it shows up and all those things.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: But it's worth it and it's it feels lighter and heavier at the same time.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, lighter in that you're not carrying around, you're not carrying around the way you've been for however long.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: Lighter in the sense that you recognize patterns, that you recognize things that you need to work on, that you recognize, oh, I can just stop doing this.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: But heavier, like light, I guess I would explain it lighter in the shoulders, heavier in the soul.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because it literally like you you get rid of some of that stuff.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: You start.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like that this week of like, oh, I actually have been cleaning.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: And before, it's oh, I don't have time to clean.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do anything.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: I go to work.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: I do therapy once a week, I do some Spanish groups once a week, every other week.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have a life, I don't do anything.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I have conditioned myself for so many years to oh, you just go home and go to work.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe I stop at the grocery store on the way home to get out a little bit.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, why?
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: You think about that, and now it's just an automatic thing.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yesterday we had our coffee date at work, and I went and did a couple of errands.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: Normally I would be trying to talk myself out of it.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I still find myself talking out myself out of it, but more for oh, I'm gonna be in that area tomorrow.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not, I don't really want to do that.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't really want to do no, it's no, I'm just planning ahead.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not trying to get out of doing it.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it does that also feeds into feeling lighter because then this pending item, I had to return at Home Depot that has been sitting there for two weeks now.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: I got it done yesterday.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to get something else done for work, I got it done yesterday because it's mentally clearing also all of these things that take up space in your brain and weigh you down.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: So as you get lighter, that helps, and then that changes one more thing.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_00: That changes one more thing for the positive, but it's gonna show up and other things.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm looking at myself in all of the different aspects, and it's like this, this sucks.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: But reminding myself to give myself grace because I'm not, I'm still not meditating every day, I'm still not writing my journal every day, I'm still not stretching every day, I'm still not exercising every day, I'm still not cooking.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: There, there's a mountain of shit that you can say, I'm not yet there, or you can say, I'm not there yet, and I don't have a defined timeline as when that's gonna happen.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm still gonna paso a paso in Spanish, step by step.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_00: You just go and you do one thing.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's one thing a week, one thing a month, yeah, one thing a year, like just be trying to do something.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_03: As you can, right?
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_03: One step after another.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's really, really savagely important.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_03: I think also, you know, you you're at this place when you say lighter in the shoulders, heavier in the soul.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: I love that because I feel like you're starting to get in tune with emotions that have been something that you've pushed down and numbed on top of for so long.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because I think we didn't really get handed the knowledge how important the emotions are, right?
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_03: So when we talk about emotional intelligence, it's a superpower for me now.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_03: It is literally a superpower.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I spent a lot, a lot of years, decades in eighth grade mode for certain as it relates to that.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's the reason why I can see it so clearly.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, but when you're doing that, when you're, you know, figuring out your tools and leveling up and feeling the emotions, you work through those things.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_03: So when you say I got 10 more, right?
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_03: I got rid of one and I got 10 more, it's only because those came into your awareness, not because those weren't there before.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_03: So it's not like you have 10 new problems.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's I realize 10 new problems.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_03: But the good news is as you're working through that, as you're working through that with your therapist, as you're working through that just in talking with other people that are also on their own journeys, you're able to develop tools where you can handle those things more easily.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_03: And now I'm so far down the path where I swear to God, it's I'm a I'm a fucking ninja.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh, I get stuff that comes up either because it was a memory or something that made me feel a certain type of way that I'm like, hmm, that doesn't feel that feels gross, right?
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's where work is.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_03: When something feels sticky, when something triggers you.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if you're going about your day and something jumps out at you, there's work there.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to drop what you're doing and do that, but know that there's work there.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_03: But now I have the tools where I'm like, okay, let's dive into that.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go, let's go deep dive in that.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: And so the things that I do where I find my stillness and my quiet, whether it's being yoga or journaling or going and sitting at a park without my phone, those are the kind of things that you're really able to figure out and and use the tools that you've gotten from talking with people or from therapy or go on the internet and look up stuff, right?
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_03: I I talk to a lot of people where it's like they're coming from a place of excuses where they're like, I can't afford a therapist.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_03: Have you guys heard of that thing called the World Wide Web?
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: Instagram, right?
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_03: But in my exactly, have you have you heard of work?
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_03: Have you heard of YouTube?
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, you don't have the money to do the bigger things.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_03: There's no excuses, right?
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_03: And when you come from that place of, there's no excuses.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_03: If I want better for myself, I will make that happen in whatever way that looks like.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I was talking with Brittany this morning over breakfast, and and we were talking about just where she is in life.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_03: She's in a very similar place where she's waking up from this victimhood as well.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I watch as her aha moments are happening and she's taking control of her own life.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I've just never been more proud of all of you guys.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_03: But um, you know, being able to do that, find the resources that are that are available to you in whatever your budget is.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_03: And if your budget is free, okay, you've got the internet.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_03: Look up things and say, okay, where do I even start?
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_03: I found myself in this, in this negative victimhood place.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_03: How do I do a gratitude journal where I just put a note in my phone that says great things keep happening to me?
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then stop looking at the things.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you were doing this whole list of, I haven't done this yet, I haven't done this yet, I haven't done this yet.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_03: We can start a list right now of things that we haven't done or that I'm not good at or whatever, and I'll never run out of things for that list.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_03: Or you can flip the script and say, I'm going to look at the positive things.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to show myself grace.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to write things in a gratitude journal where I'm grateful for whatever it has.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe all it is today is that I have my breath.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe my coffee was the right temperature, right?
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I, whatever those things are, right?
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever those things are, find things in your life to be grateful for because when you do that, those things come more readily.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_03: You're looking for those things, those things happen.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know how they say, like, you'll find what you're looking for, whatever it is.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_03: So if you want to come from this negative victimhood mentality, you're writing your own script, folks.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm telling you that, I've seen it a thousand times.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_03: You're writing your own script.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_03: And nobody else can tell you, right?
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_03: Until you were ready, Casey, until you were ready, Tony, to say, I am tired of this.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_03: It's still going to be the same thing.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_03: You're going to have the exact same day that you had yesterday because that's the day that you feel like you deserve.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_03: Someone said recently, like, have the day you deserve.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, that's a great place.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, because that's what you're calling in, right?
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_03: To me, I wake up and I'm like, I'm going to make this day my bitch.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to make this day my bitch.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm going to come from a positive place.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_03: And does that mean bad stuff doesn't happen to me?
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_03: No, of course not.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_03: This is life.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_03: Life is going to life, all of us, right?
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_03: How am I going to handle that?
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_03: How am I going to show up for myself?
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_03: How am I going to show up for my tribe in those moments?
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, it just inspires me to want to do better because I know that we're in community with one another.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to be able to share with you guys.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_03: I want you to be the one that's coming to me saying, stop apologizing, right?
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_03: I tell anybody that's at my table of life, come on in.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_03: You don't need a permission slip to tell me if you see something that's out of line for me.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it is, maybe it's not.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_03: I will receive that because I come from a place now where I listen to understand instead of listen to defend.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I think if you can come from that mentality, it opens up all sorts of stuff.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_03: So many people come from this place of we don't even listen to people anymore.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_03: We don't hear them.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's why we're in this state of state of society that we are.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody listens to understand anymore.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_03: They just listen to defend.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_03: Your opinion is different than mine.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not even going to hear what you're saying.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm making my argument in my head as you're talking.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_03: What are we doing?
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_03: Like, don't we realize that's garbage?
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_03: Well, to answer, to answer your question.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh no, we do not.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because that also plays into, for me, it also plays into finding the people who love and respect you enough to not only listen, but to also give you that feedback.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_00: Which also plays into finding letting go of people and processing that out because that's a big deal.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not very common.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't know what we're doing.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know that it's happening.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know that we can't listen to each other.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, we've got the generational generations of shit that we're just handed down to each generation, and everybody just accepts it for this is what life is until the eyes get opened.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_03: And and then the shame, too.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think that prevents people from wanting to talk with other people about the stuff they have going on is that they feel ashamed about the way that they feel.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_03: But that's the stuff that inspires me to do this at full volume.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, I was talking with Cameron last night.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, sometimes I wonder what the fuck I've done because you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, you know, and my commitment to say all the things, whatever that is, the messy, the everything, it's out there now, right?
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_03: And from uh for me being the private person that I have been my entire life to now, it's like, oh, hey, you want to look at the inside of my asshole?
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_03: Go ahead, check out my YouTube channel.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's fucking terrible.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_03: And also I feel that strongly about it that I will take myself out of my comfort zone every single day and live in complete constant discomfort because I know that it has an impact of other people that see.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_03: What would you say is like a first step or something that you can tell people of just how do you wake up?
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like I know it's different for everybody, but it's like I I can't shake people.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_03: I've tried, right?
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_03: I've tried, and obviously that tactic doesn't work because I can't waste any more Skittles on any individual person.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_03: I see, I look at people in my life right now, and I have people that I have to walk away from because I can't put any more energy into them individually, because the work that I'm doing collectively is so savagely important.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_03: I know that, I feel that.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_03: I have people that come up to me randomly and say, like, I needed to hear whatever it was.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_03: So I have to stay right in what I'm doing.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_03: How do you shake people awake or how do you say something that's like, it's so much better on this side?
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know how else to say it.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's so much better on this side.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_03: If you're in that victim negative excuses mentality, it's so much better on this side.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_03: I listen to people that make excuses about their shitty lives, and I'm like, you realize my way is better, right?
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's not any more effort, same hard, right?
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_03: Different, different for sure, but not any more effort.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_03: Why wouldn't you want your life to be amazing?
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_03: The thing you're arguing for is so that you can have a shittier life?
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, are you serious?
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_03: Do you hear yourself right now?
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe you guys don't have any tips.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it's just get a copy of my book and beat it over their heads.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what else to do.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_04: I think for me, it was just I was, you know, tired of the same bullshit.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_04: I got to a point where it was like, something has got to be better than this.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_04: Anything is better than this.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um and eventually I I started noticing that when I would feel a certain way, I would start thinking about why do I feel that way?
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't happen all the time, but it was just a really slow process for me to kind of get to that point.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think my recommendation would be as much as I'm not into social media for what social media has become, social media has been part of my salvation and things have shown up, primarily Instagram.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you look at my Instagram, I it's it's not, I don't post anything, I don't care.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want it for that.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need the world to know where I am at all times.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, or what you had for lunch.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: But some of the tools and resources that I and some of the people that I have found on there and followed have been life altering.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_00: And not so, not so profoundly that I was like, oh, this one person said something this time and it changed my entire world.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_00: Little by little.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: Again, step by step.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was, hey, do you what about your your uh nervous system?
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh shit, that might be a problem.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you're like, what are you talking about?
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: What is a nervous system?
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like that's that I can feel because I can feel when my nervous system is even more dysregulated than normal.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: Then you talk about your emotions.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_00: I still am not like super processing the emotions yet.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know I will get there at some point, but there's a mountain of shit to process.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: So my biggest recommendation would be just I guess do an evaluation of is this a life that I would want to be?
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is this the the me that I would want to be?
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because in therapy, we're trying to go back.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_00: When you're talking about like maybe she's kind of stuck there, you kind of remember since childhood that you are who you are.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to go back to I don't know when, but we're just kind of going backwards and seeing like when was I the happiest?
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because I haven't been the happiest for many, many years.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy and I'm I do things that are happy and whatever, but not really happy.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say to anybody who's trying to make any changes and doesn't really realize that maybe they don't have the right tools or they can't afford therapy or whatever, do like you said, and just say, what does this mean?
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what does why do I feel like this all the time?
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_00: And but also using resources available on Instagram.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_00: I send shit to Casey all the time.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: And she sends stuff to me, but it's literally like because again, she and I are very much twinning in that space.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_00: Of I was with uh a really pretty terrible guy for six months, and we like thankfully a mine was six months, but that six months was awful.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_00: That was like the worst part of my life that I've ever had.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and she broke up with her ex a month before I broke up with mine, which is now over a year ago.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_00: So crazy.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, though, I didn't think that I was gonna the pain sucked.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_00: The pain, and that's when I that I came to the realization like some people are not meant to be here forever, and you don't get to choose that, or you do get to choose that, you should get to choose that.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when all these resources I just would be stuck on Instagram and then and this person came up, and this person, why do I have this attachment?
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then you start doing that inventory of like, oh, there's things that they showed you that you never knew you had.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then you're like, Oh, why do I have that anxious attachment?
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I trauma bond with this person?
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I doing that?
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then floodgates open.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that the get curious part is probably the biggest thing of why why are we doing this way?
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about things of like we just want somebody to love and whatever.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the immediate reaction is like, yeah, but we have that within our four walls.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't diminish the fact that it would be lovely to have somebody in our lives to share with.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's still a valid human need.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, of course.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and not necessarily negating everything about that, but yeah, a lot of people just this is the way life is.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you're wondering if this is the best it's gonna be, start looking for resources.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_03: And again, I'm gonna I'm gonna shamelessly plug my book.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_03: Get a copy of my book, get a copy of my book with a friend, read it, talk about the stuff that comes up for you.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_03: Have that, those conversations, conversations so you can get curious about it.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_03: If you don't love it, send it back to me.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_03: I'll buy it back from you.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_03: What do you have to lose?
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_03: All right, that's our time for today.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you guys so much for coming and being willing to get vulnerable.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if something hit, stirred, or lit a fire under you and you've got thoughts, questions, or a story you're ready to share, slide into our DMs or email us at ladies at let's get naked podcast.com.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_03: If you believe in those conversations, help us keep them rolling.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_03: Follow, share, rate, review, do all the things.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_03: Catch you next time.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_03: That's a wrap.