Latest / 4-Freedom Podcast / 88. Freedom In Parenting Part 3 w/ Sean Perron - How to Help Hurting Children

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88. Freedom In Parenting Part 3 w/ Sean Perron - How to Help Hurting Children · 4-Freedom Podcast

0:04
Welcome to the for Freedom podcast.
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This podcast exist to bring the freedom of the gospel for
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everyday, Christians with everyday issue.
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Now, here are your hosts John hollifield and James sacred.
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Welcome back to the for Freedom podcast.
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We are back with the six-month discussing parenting and how we
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can be good parents, how we can be biblical parents and how we
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can parent in the right? Correct way.
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And so John, we have enjoyed the last couple of weeks talking
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together and I hope you've been doing well and we are very
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excited and privileged to have spent on parole on with us again
1:14
and able to. He was a former guess where we
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talked about dating? And we went through a couple of
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his books and today we're going to have him on discussing.
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What it is, the best course of action.
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When we come in contact with a hurting child, or a child, has
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been broken or broken hearted or even just have tragedy in their
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life and and how we can best help them.
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And so Sean's going to come on, he's got several stories and
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some case studies that he's went through some different
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situations where he's going to give us some insight on some
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practical are a has where he's been able to use some practical
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biblical sources, and some scripture to be able to help out
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in that area. So Sean, welcome to the show.
1:56
Welcome to us today. So glad to have you on today.
2:00
Oh yeah, I'm very glad to be here.
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And this topic is incredibly important.
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It's it's incredibly important because Jesus thinks it's
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important. So Jesus says, let the little
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children come to him and children are human beings, made
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it. God's image who are
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unfortunately, born, sinful and born, not only simple, but born
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into a world that is full of suffering and a lot of people
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can be scared, even nervous to talk to kids about their
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problems. But Jesus doesn't think we
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should be. And the, the problems that kids
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face are actually fundamentally the same problems that adults
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face they face sadness. They face anger.
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They face anxiety and they just face it according to their age
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and their perception. And the good news is the Bible
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has answers for all of those things.
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So I think the topic is incredibly important time that
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were discussing. Yeah.
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And and you know, talking about the subject of parenting, a lot
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of times what we people think of a lot of the hurt, the kids go
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through it comes with from the from the parents, you know, I
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think of even your your Shepherd there, your pastor there, I mean
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his testimony of abuse. It came at the hands of his It
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you know, sometimes parents can struggle because sometimes that
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hurt even even in the teenage years can come outside of your
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control or your your ability to protect your children and and
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you know, I think a lot of parents could can desire to
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have, you know, what to do in this type of situation or fill
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out a loss. Or, you know, this may be good
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topic to for parents, to hear of, you know, just being on
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guard. Checking yourself making sure
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that you're, you know, being aware of your old and not, you
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know, leaning towards maybe sinful behaviors with your with
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your kids. But we are grateful that Sean's
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going to talk about the has he had a case that caused him to
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dig deep into these this subject and what the scriptures teach so
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shy? Want you to sort of open up tell
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us a little bit about sort of where you came face-to-face with
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some some of this. Yeah.
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So this is many years back. I was actually not on staff at
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First Baptist. That's where I'm currently on
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staff and and I was volunteering to serve in our counseling
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ministry here, I was certified by a CBC and love counseling and
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this wonderful family in our church came and they asked for
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some help and I'll share some details that are you won't be
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able to identify who this family is.
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But the It was a little boy, the boy was about eight years old
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and he was having night terrors panic attacks.
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Very overwhelmed, overwhelmed, lots of questions, and those all
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stem from when the previous year, he Was in a car wreck and
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he was in a car wreck and his, his older sister died and the
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car wreck wasn't just any car wreck.
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The car wreck took place because he was actually being kidnapped.
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He was being kidnapped by another member of the family.
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And the family member was fleeing from the police
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actually. Ali and wrecked into a telephone
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pole. Ruhlman vehicle several times
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and the, the boy survived. And, but his sister did not, and
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he was angry at his parents, parents are now no longer Living
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together angry. At this family member who was
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trying to take him away, angry that his sister died and they
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wanted help and want to know what to do and that immediately
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thrust me into a situation where like okay this is this is very
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intense and we started out talking about a lot of things
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and one of the most important things you can do.
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When you're initially having these conversations and whether
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you're a parent or whether you're a counselor is you got to
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ask a lot of questions, you have to be slow to speak.
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Quick to hear the person who states their case, first seems,
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right until another one comes along and examines it.
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And double Council me, call this Gathering data, which is just
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kind of a formal way of saying, you need to ask every question,
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you can thing from every angle so that your rightly understand
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the situation. And so this, you know, You can
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say, okay, when did the panic attacks start?
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Why do you think you're having them?
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What do you think about God? What do you think about the
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Bible? Who are you most angry at?
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What? What do you enjoy doing in life?
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What gives you hope. So, you can ask a variety of
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questions and they should be. You can ask fun questions with
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kids you know like what's your favorite color?
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Which favorite food? I mean you're talking to a kid,
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right? So they have those things so
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they They love certain things, they don't like certain things.
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Do they like to read? Like, to draw the like, to sing.
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What's a normal day? Look like, when are they the
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saddest? What are their thoughts?
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Leading up to the sadness. One question that I asked, that
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was really important is, hey, you're coming to talk to me.
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I'm your I'm, you know, I'm a church member at the time, I
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wasn't even, they didn't know me former formulae.
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And so why do you think you're here?
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Do you want to talk to me? Do you?
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What do you Dear the most, what do you upset about the most all
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of those conversations. There's so many more, there's
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different ways to ask those questions.
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You can say, you can, like, leave a blank.
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And you can say, I'm, I'm going to say this phrase and you fill
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in the blank or you write on the board.
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God is to me blank. My mom wants me to be blank.
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My dad wants me to be blank. I would be happy if blank and
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then once they tell you that then that gives you a stepping
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stone to work to be able to bring the script.
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Has to bear on their life and a profound way.
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So that's how I would start the case.
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And, and, and you have to start with Gathering the data lest you
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speak where you don't know that, the don't know how to care for
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them. Well, that's great.
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And so in this situation when you began talking through, what,
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what? What scripture did you
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immediately come to mind or where that may have been just a
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first meeting the second third meeting, you begin discussing
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through. What was some helps that you
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began to share with this child as they begin to come to you and
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ask questions and work through this situation here?
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Yeah, so one of the first things we did was we looked at some 121
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and some 121 talks about how when, when we're in trouble, we
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lift our eyes to the hills and our help comes from the Lord,
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the maker of heaven and Earth. And so, what I did was I happen
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to set. I do this with all my counseling
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cases is I call it the heart man or the heart girl depend on the
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gender of the child. I'm talking to and I draw a
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stick figure with a giant heart. I mean, A massive oversized
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heart on it and I talked about how in Mark 7.
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Jesus says out of the abundance of our heart, the mouth speaks.
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And so I draw a little arrow coming out of the mouth and it
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comes from the heart actually and I draw an arrow coming from
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the hand that comes from the heart.
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And we talked about what whatever is going on in our
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heart is going to come out of our mouths, going to come out in
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our actions, going to come out. Our mind is going to come out in
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our feet and In our hearts are filled with love, we will
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demonstrate love and when our hearts are filled with anger, we
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will demonstrate anger. And when our hearts are filled
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with peace, we will demonstrate peace and we talked about that
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heart. And I said, okay, so what your
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heart, what's going on your heart right now?
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Like what's taking place inside? Like, what do you feel like,
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what do you think? And that included anxiety and
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Brokenness sadness? Is what you would expect,
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obviously, okay. So when you're sad, where are
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your eyes going? Where are you looking?
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And so, I draw the eyes and this child, this little guy, he loved
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to draw. So this was a very exciting for
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him. He, he was definitely into other
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kids who don't like drawing. They might not be interested in
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trying this out, but when your saddest is, when your eyes now,
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draw the line eyeballs, your eyes are focused on you.
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They're focused on what's Happening inside.
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And you cry more, you get sad more you, you feel you feel all
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of this loss, but when your eyes are lifted up to the hills and
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then above him, I drew these little mountains.
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So someone 2100 these Hills and it's when you look up then you
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still feel sad, but you have hope you have, you know, that
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something is going to come over those Hills.
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It's going to bring you peace and and the A person that is
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coming over. Those Hills is Jesus.
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And some 121 in particular, is helpful because it talks about
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how the Lord will not let your foot slip.
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He, whose Slumbers he got, doesn't sleep, you Slumber, but
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God doesn't, and he keeps you in peace, and that was incredibly
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helpful for this child because he's struggling with sleeping,
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he's struggling with panic. And so at night, he's able to go
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lay down in bed and instead of having all his thoughts turned
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inward, All these thoughts, turn on himself and think, oh my
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goodness, what's going to happen to me?
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And tomorrow when I wake up and I going to get in a car and am I
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going to die again? Is someone going to someone
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going to kidnap me tomorrow night?
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So I'm going to kidnap me tonight.
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And the obvious answer is no because there were safety.
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That was, we always counsel safety and those precautions
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were all put in place, but he's able to sit there in his bed and
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think I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to sleep, but God never goes to
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sleep. Eep.
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I'm I'm going to fall asleep but God's watching me and God has
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put people in my life that care for me and another Psalm that's
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helpful, is Psalm 23. The Lord is my shepherd, that's
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a memorable song that everyone will eventually memorize
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probably if they're a Christian, but bring that to Bear of while
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you're asleep. There's a Shepherd who's looking
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out for you and he'll make you lie down in Green Pastures.
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He leads me beside Still Waters and he's prepared a table before
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me in the presence of your enemies.
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And your Cup runs over and surely goodness, and mercy will
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follow you all the days of your life and dwell in the house of
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the Lord forever. So Psalm 121 it was very
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important. Some 23 is another place.
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You can go another song that we discussed with some 46.
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We talked about how even though the Earth gives way and the
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mountains move into the heart of the sea and its Waters Roar and
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foam. That's a sudden, tragic,
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horrible situations? It's apocalyptic even but you
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can, you can Communicate that to a child and say even when that
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happens, there's there's a sure rock that you can stand on and
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that rock is Jesus. And So eventually, after if
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you're moving through those psalms I've shared the gospel
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with this little guy, there's a few different ways I can share
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the gospel with kids that I enjoy doing and they wound up.
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Trusting in Jesus there panic attacks, wound up, subsiding and
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eventually going away and And their fears were able to turn to
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the Lord set of away from the Lord and it might end up being a
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wonderful, wonderful story and but it's slow work, but it's
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possible and really wonderful. How God's word is a lamp unto
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our feet even in the midst of the darkest nights.
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Yeah. Now that I'm glad you said that
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at the end, it is slow work, working with with it and I think
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that some would say a word that some could use to categorize as
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You know, the kid, the, the little boys, you know, went
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through trauma and anytime you're working with somebody
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with trauma, it is it's slow work.
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And and I thought I just our Tuesday night, we do kids church
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on Tuesday nights and we just were going through this song by
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city of light yet. Not I but Christ or me loves
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that and we're teaching them the second verse and we use Psalm 23
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and talked about like, all right, whenever you're scared,
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what is True that you can go to that's comforting and talked
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about Jesus being the shepherd as as it says, in the second
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verse of the song. But, yeah, that that was great.
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And that is, that is is not just a good truth for kids.
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It's a good truth for all of us. Amen.
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But you know Sean whenever you're talking to I found this
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in Ministry with with parents to and with just a lot of people
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that they may be good listeners when they have somebody, or
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maybe a family member. Or let's just say like like a
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child. That is going through, something
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they come to you, and that they're listening, they're
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hearing it. But is so overwhelming to them,
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because they don't know where to sort of take all of this
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information, they may have listened to it.
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But it's like how. And I've even I've been seeing
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this, even with some counselors even myself, when starting off
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as like, you hear heavy stuff, and it's like, how do you sort
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through all of that? 22 really didn't go to a Psalm
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121 era, Psalm 23 or some 46. And it is like, how do you get
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from from dealing with all this stuff?
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It just seems like it's so overwhelming then, and I think
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that like your understanding of what Utah here was like breaking
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it into categories, being able to sort of sift through that is
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helpful. So what would be some help for
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somebody? That's didn't on the listening
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side? Yeah, yeah.
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Okay. So Great question.
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It's you're not the first person to ask the question.
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There's a reason for that because it's a good question.
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So Jesus is talking to his disciples before his death and I
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think I believe this is John 15 or 16 and he says there are many
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things I have to tell you but you cannot bear them.
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All right now, and that's actually really instructive.
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Obviously, I mean, it's the lure of having her saying that and
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what he's saying is there's there's time.
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Is when I know everything you need to hear and I know
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everything that I could tell you, but that's not wise for me
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to do so because it will overwhelm you and counselors can
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feel that way counselors can actually are and doing too much
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too soon. And so I would say a few things
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first and I counsel parents I I mean with a wonderful family
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right now in a similar situation and my advice is let's do one
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thing at a time. Time.
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So let's let's pick one truth, One Promise, one goal and let's
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focus on that and as soon as we obtain that then we will we will
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have seen progress and will be able to then move on to other
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elements. But let's pick one and let's try
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to pick the thing. That's going to have the biggest
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bang for the buck and I think this is a Biblical principle.
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So I mentioned John 16. Paul, the Apostle says, we are
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changed into the likeness of Christ from one degree of Glory,
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to another, just one degree. And so what I'm looking for my
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counsel he's is I'm not I love the light switch moments where
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the light comes on, it's a massive change.
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There's Revival that breaks out in their life.
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I love that and their stories like that.
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And that happens, obviously, the happens in the Bible but also
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there's a lot of times usually where it's one degree of Glory
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to another. And so, how I describe it for an
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analogy would be like this. This when I meet with a child
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and their family, i-i'm we have a foundation.
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We were building. We're you know we had a plot of
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land and we're building the house and my goal in that one
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session with that family is to put down one brick and put
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cement around. It just one brick and then
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during the week they're going to put down another brick.
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And then I come back and I'm going to put down a brick and
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the next week they might get two bricks and eventually time goes
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by And we realized, you know what, we got a structure here.
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Like we got, we got a house for building but that's, that's slow
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work. And it's paperwork, but it's,
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it's one brick at a time. So I would start at it.
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So if the question is, where should you start a few key areas
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to start the heart? You can talk about the heart,
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regardless of the scenario, regardless of the tragedy, the
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heart is important and you can grieve in the Bible, says
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Rejoice with those who rejoice and Weep with those who weep you
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can grieve without hurting heart.
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You can understand where they're coming from.
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You can see where their motives are and where they need to grow.
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So, the heart is one area, that's always relevant to talk
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about. The gospel, is always relevant
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to talk about. So, Jesus experienced great
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suffering in the garden, Jesus experienced, great suffering the
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cross Jesus, experienced the scorn, and wrath, and shame, and
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sin of the world. And so the gospel is crucial.
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And then another area that Always focus on is the biblical
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method of change, so putting off and putting on.
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So what is one thought you can put off?
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And what is one thought, you can put on a Biblical truth?
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What is one habit that you can put off with simple and Unholy?
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And what is one thought? That is righteous that you can
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put on and when you can't only do you have to get there for all
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of them. So you need the heart and the
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gospel you put put off, put on. Do you have to attack all of
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them at some point and get to all of them?
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Yeah, but how you get there in the slowness of it varies from
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case to case. Yeah.
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And I think that, you know, Comfort is something that I
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think that a lot of people think that they need to go to the
21:16
counselor, they need to go parents may say, we need to go
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to you because of it. And I know their hearts desires
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is for their child to be fixed and better and well, all right
21:27
away. But you know, remembering that
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what you said before, it's a slow process and not under
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estimating the role of comfort. Yes.
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Anna. Out of that because sometimes,
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there's not something to say it's just holding them, it's
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being there with them. Yeah.
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When did job's counselor, stop being good counselors.
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Yeah, someone someone said there's a reason why the Book of
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Job is really long. There's a long book.
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And there's a reason for that is because a lot of times when
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there's an immense tragedy, you need to wait before you say,
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Something like you really do, and that's there's wisdom in
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that you don't, you don't want to be unhelpful, but you got to,
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you got to provide comfort. And I think that wisdom is such,
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a key word is such a key word, because there's a vast
22:22
difference from knowing what to say to knowing when to say it
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and I think the word well-timed. Yes.
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And I see that so much in, in, in, in Believers they're growing
22:34
and they're, they're they're getting knowledge, they're
22:37
getting like something there, maybe.
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Listening to a podcast or listening to a sermon they're
22:40
like, oh I got this answer for this but wisdom.
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Oh man, wisdom is just Sookie. Yeah, that's right.
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And, and wisdom comes down to love.
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So how would you want to be treated?
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So if you just if you just had a tragedy, how would you want to
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be loved? Would you just want someone to
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come in and be like, hey, stop crying?
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Well, no, of course not, that's actually simple.
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That's actually that's harsh. You want to be treated that way
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but the same time you wouldn't want someone.
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One two, you know, only say, oh, I'm so sorry.
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Oh, I'm so sorry, it's really hard.
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Like, at some point You're Gonna Want Someone said, hey, can you
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give me some hope? Like can you tell me the things
23:17
are going to be different and it's doing to others, as you
23:21
would have them do to you, that can be tricky and requires
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wisdom and if you're if you're seeking to love you will you
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will do. Well, if that's if that's what
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you're shooting for. How can I, how would I feel
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loved in this situation and maybe Maybe that won't get you
23:39
right all the time, but at least get you started going somewhere,
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actually. You need that love and
23:43
knowledge. Go hand-in-hand, but start with,
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how would I want to be comforted?
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How would I want to be treated? And then how can I, how can I
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serve them by by doing that now so good.
23:57
So, one of the, just, for a moment out, I've used this
24:01
method that you gave several times, but let's say you've got
24:05
apparently comes in, they're somewhat new.
24:08
Jeans are not spiritually, mature.
24:09
Maybe they're raised in church. Are like they're just not as
24:12
familiar with scripture. And you say, okay, I want you
24:14
to, you know, you need to be studying scripture, you need to
24:16
be reading your Bible. And they say well I'm not
24:20
familiar with scripture enough to you know really even be
24:23
effective in helping my child out enough.
24:26
You gave these four things to do when it comes to Bible reading.
24:32
And I want you to talk about this for a moment because as my
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wife she's a Drama teacher loves drama loves.
24:38
Bush did plays our whole life. I got into it a little bit in
24:42
college, but we have begin to do a little bit of this, even when
24:46
we read through a little Pilgrim's Progress and some
24:50
things where my kids were even acting out some of these things
24:54
and and roll playing a little bit scripture.
24:57
And so how can this be an effective tool for a parent who
25:00
comes in? And says, I've got a kid that's
25:02
hurting and they just need to interact with scripture more.
25:06
Yeah. So is this?
25:08
So I'll tell you four things, I've recommended maybe it's a
25:11
different for things than you've heard me speak on before.
25:14
It's a, if I give a different for then, maybe you can tell me,
25:17
which ones I covered. So you're right.
25:22
This is, this is a thing. Parents can feel overwhelmed is
25:24
actually a great opportunity. So whenever I counsel could I
25:26
never counsel kids alone, I always counsel with someone else
25:29
and I always counsel in conjunction with the family and
25:35
it's actually a great opportunity because they really
25:37
the parents realized, Our kids are hurting and they realize,
25:40
you know what I need, I need to be in the Bible myself but I
25:45
haven't been doing that and how can I do that?
25:47
And so what I would say, would be read to rehearse retell and
25:52
then read to. So those are the four things I
25:54
typically recommend, and here's what I mean by that.
25:56
So take a simple passage. So let's take the case study of
26:02
a little boy, one of the assignments that I asked that
26:06
the family to do was to look at this.
26:08
William Joseph. So if you think about Joseph,
26:11
it's a narrative story. It's got a lots of twists and
26:14
turns it's exciting. It's not boring.
26:17
And also it's filled with tragedy.
26:18
So there's tons of tragedy. There's time to stock bring and
26:22
I would have a few different kids Bibles, I'd recommend and I
26:26
said, okay, pick this kids Bible and buy it.
26:30
And then here's this. Here's there's three sections on
26:32
Joseph. So each night pick a different
26:34
one. And what I want you to do is the
26:36
first time I want you to read it to them.
26:38
So you just read it to them, tell it in a dramatic way,
26:41
that's great. Then I during the day or maybe
26:44
the next night I want you to rehearse it.
26:46
So summarize it it don't just read it but like hey buddy,
26:52
remember this? And when this happened when
26:53
Joseph was thrown in the pit and here's what happened, rehearse
26:56
it and then have them summarize it to.
27:00
So not just not just you summarize it, but have them try
27:03
to summarize it and then retell the story so then not just
27:07
summarize it, but Bible closed, have them retell it and some of
27:12
the most fascinating moments where they tell you what they
27:16
actually heard. He can come out during that time
27:18
where they read, tell you the story, and sometimes I get it
27:20
right, sometimes they won't. Sometimes would be a mixed bag
27:22
but their engagement and then if the kids old enough have them
27:27
read the story to you. So you read it first, you
27:31
rehearse at summarize. It have them re-- teller, you
27:33
retell it and then have them at the kids, old enough to read it
27:36
back to you and that's simple. It doesn't take long with these
27:40
kids Bibles or even with the small passage of scripture.
27:43
You're talking 15 minutes max, five minutes, typically of this
27:48
kind of thing. And if you do that every day,
27:51
every night or even five times a night or five times a week, if
27:55
you do that, I'm telling you kids are sharp, they will get
27:58
it. And you will grow as a parent in
28:00
a way that you're meditating on the law of the Lord day and
28:03
night, you're just doing it with your family.
28:05
So I don't know if there's an exact for things that you heard
28:07
me say. But Those are for, I'd
28:09
recommend. I hope that's helpful, man.
28:11
This is awesome. Those are the four that I use
28:14
even in my own parenting, right. Now, one of the things that
28:17
lately that my wife, she's just been overwhelmed in the sense of
28:23
how much our kids watch and observe what we do and just in
28:28
parenting. And she decided that as she's
28:31
read through the Bible this year, she did something she's
28:33
never done before. She's journaling the entire
28:35
Bible. So she went out and bought a
28:37
Sketchbook. Let's go.
28:38
Ran. She's got a page a full-page
28:40
spread of Genesis and so she's drawing creation, Exodus job,
28:45
she's doing chronologically. And so my daughter went and
28:49
she's 78 years old now, and she went in her room and got just
28:54
the other day on her own weight and got a notebook that she had
28:57
and took Mom, Sketchbook and began copying what she had
29:02
written down. It was, he had done in her own
29:04
and so now she's reading it and writing stuff down just Mom was
29:09
and my wife together. She said she is picking up on
29:12
things that I wish I would have picked up on eight years old
29:16
because she see me do it and she seeing me live through this and
29:20
it goes back. This whole thing of retailing
29:22
rehearsing rereading. And so we have been trying to
29:27
intentionally do that in our parenting.
29:29
But when a when a parent does come and they are not
29:33
spiritually, mature in the area of knowing scripture, this can
29:36
be a daunting task. Well, Did I start, what do I do?
29:39
How am I gonna do? I just started in Genesis and
29:42
start talking about how things bad happen and then we get the,
29:45
you know, Leviticus and I don't even know what's going on.
29:48
So these are great areas. Like I said, in the life of
29:52
Joseph going through, I think you've mentioned in some other
29:55
areas going. You know, picking good stories
29:57
Jesus in the garden or their sorrow, Jesus going, enter,
30:00
trials, with Lazarus been able to go through different areas
30:04
and act out those things rehearsal them and use them in a
30:07
way. To where we as parents can
30:10
really ultimately help our children when they go through
30:13
these different situations. That's great.
30:15
Yeah, that I found that. So, if you pick up a Bible,
30:21
excuse me. So sorry.
30:26
If you pick up a Bible like the beginners gospel Bible by Jared
30:31
Kennedy and that Bible, it's for toddler.
30:36
So the a deranged is like, 84 4. To 8 is probably the same or
30:43
Kevin Young's the biggest story Bible.
30:45
The just came out great book. It's for its for 8 and up.
30:49
Pretty much. You pick a story like that and
30:53
they've already done a lot of the work of highlighting.
30:56
He Bible passengers, they give you the overarching view of the
31:00
whole story of scripture and you pick one of those and you read
31:06
it and then you can go, okay, there's a reason they pick this.
31:11
This is a, this is a key highlighting story.
31:14
Maybe I can go personally and read that story in the actual
31:18
text of scripture and you can go and you can read like, okay,
31:22
here's the text and then you may not go back to your child.
31:26
And read in full Genesis, you know, 35 through 50.
31:32
But you can see like, oh, there's a verse that says when
31:35
Joseph encounters, his brothers and forgiveness.
31:38
And it says what God meant for evil, or what Satan meant for
31:41
evil, God meant for good. Well, that's a verse.
31:43
I want them to memorize. Like that's a that's a powerful
31:46
verse and like and the case study that was one of the that
31:51
was one of the highlights and were able to say okay.
31:56
There's bitterness towards the family or this incident
31:59
happening happening. Well, once we talked to tragedy,
32:02
once we talked through comfort and suffering, we're going to
32:05
have to get to forgiveness. And Joseph has a key verse and
32:09
there that we can memorize and meditate on and that comes from
32:12
the original text that the Bible story.
32:14
And the kids Bible story may not have picked up on exactly but
32:17
the parent can go and then on their own as a guided way of
32:20
study, they can read that for themselves come back and then
32:23
bring that to the child and it It can be instructive to the
32:27
parents as they think through, okay, here are your someone else
32:32
has already done. The hard work for me of
32:33
identifying, some key Bible verses now I can just go and
32:36
read them in the text and in be helped by themselves.
32:41
That's great. You want anything before we give
32:44
a couple wrapping wrap up statements.
32:46
Last shown more question and about homework.
32:49
Just what parents can do for homework.
32:51
John anything before that? No, I was.
32:54
Well, if that was your last one, I was going to do the resources.
32:57
Do you want to save that for the very end or you want to go ahead
33:00
and yeah? So let's do that very end.
33:02
So Sean what are some, some homework, what homework areas
33:05
would you give kids the parents and in their parenting life,
33:09
where were some homework Areas that you would give in a
33:12
situation like this, let's say a kids coming with anxiety or my
33:15
care. Mitch up in those things.
33:17
Well what would you do to help in those areas for the we coming
33:21
ahead? Yeah, so I love this question.
33:24
I actually love the homework and the research questions.
33:26
I'm pretty passionate about both of them and so I would say a few
33:29
things. When I'm thinking about talking
33:32
to a child. So as a pastor, as a counselor,
33:36
you're never just talking to the child.
33:37
Okay. So you can't just think
33:40
child-only. You have to think parents as
33:44
well. So here are three categories
33:47
that I give for homework assignments?
33:49
That I think every person should should think about as they're
33:53
talking to children. So, the first is the kid
33:54
himself. Okay, the kid himself,
33:58
obviously, the kid needs to be doing something, then the
34:00
Parents need to be doing something.
34:02
And when I, when I mean by parent as I mean, something to
34:05
help them grow. So I'm, I'm actually.
34:09
So technically it's a secret that I whenever I have a kid
34:13
counseling case. Come, I really don't have just
34:15
one counting case actually have two or three in the parents, so
34:18
I'm actually counseling them through the process.
34:21
So, kid parent and then parenting parenting.
34:25
And what I mean by that is a homework assignment that helps
34:28
them become a better parent. So, The reason why I have those
34:31
distinctions is because there's a Biblical principle that is
34:36
very strong, that the issues that the child is dealing with
34:41
are often not disconnected from the issues.
34:43
The parents are dealing with. So, a lot of times, not, not
34:47
every time, but a lot of times if a kid is angry is because
34:50
someone's angry in the home. I'm not saying that they're not
34:52
morally responsible to try out. The child is morally
34:54
responsible, but they're learning that behavior from
34:57
somewhere and there's an exhibit.
34:58
So it's oftentimes when I'm counting the kid, On anger, one
35:01
of the parents needs also help counseling on anger to or
35:04
anxiety often times if the child's anxious.
35:08
Well, that's because maybe the mom or the dad or the
35:11
grandmother is anxious. And so I'm identifying issues
35:14
with the parent with the kid and then parenting helping them
35:16
grow. So let me give you some examples
35:17
so it could be. Let's take Let's take the case
35:25
study. We've been dealing with, with
35:26
the little guy, one of the assignments that I gave him was,
35:30
okay. So I would like for you to
35:35
memorize Psalm 23, verses 1 and 2, so something obtainable
35:42
something. Easy.
35:43
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want, he makes me
35:44
lie down in Green Pastures, so their job is to memorize that
35:48
parents. We have to help with that.
35:49
So I'm particularly depend on the age and then I would like
35:52
for you You to come back and draw for me by the time.
35:59
Next time we meet draw, a shepherd, so it's pretty simple.
36:02
You can draw a shepherd, I had one once we girl, she loved to
36:08
dance, she loved dance and ballet and music.
36:10
And so I said, hey, I want you to listen to this song by
36:15
shilin, and I want you to come up with your own dance for it,
36:19
and show it to your family. And then you can sing.
36:23
For me, when you come back the next time she loved that, that
36:27
was a huge hip, but that takes data Gathering to know that,
36:30
hey, she likes she likes to do that.
36:32
Kind of thing is, if I assign that to the boy, he would look
36:34
at me. Like I have ten heads and he
36:36
wouldn't care at all and rightly so, and he's like, what are you
36:38
doing here? Strange.
36:39
But it meant a lot to this family.
36:42
So find something they like whether it's coloring drawing.
36:45
I've had people that say like I got kids who are very sharp
36:49
readers and they're like Arie and so I'm like, okay here's
36:51
homework assignment. Pilgrim's Progress, little
36:55
problems. Progress is a great book.
36:56
I would, so I'm bleeding over and resources.
36:59
What I want to do is you read all the time, your voracious
37:01
reader. Why don't you read through?
37:04
And I want you to tell me every instance of sadness in the, in
37:09
the Pilgrims Progress. So they come back and they're
37:11
like why he was sad when he was in the syllabus pain that he was
37:14
sad when this event happened, when he was struck by a polygon
37:20
and that way, they're on their own.
37:23
The truth of the Bible in mining the truth of God's care and
37:28
they're taking their ships, that's the kid.
37:30
But yeah, it has to be obtainable.
37:32
I just it can be overwhelming for the parent.
37:37
So I love to assign either devotionals or passages of
37:43
scripture that Target those specific area that they're
37:45
dealing with. So for instance I've had one
37:50
family, I was talking with and anxiety was a big deal.
37:53
The little girl was going to panic attacks and and the mom
37:57
was anxious to. And so I said, look, here is,
38:00
you could recommend a helpful book by Paul tillich's.
38:05
He is a 31-day devotional on anxiety, and here's what I want,
38:08
you do. As a parent, I want you to pick
38:10
that book up. It's a page a day, you can do a
38:13
page thing, read a page, a day, but here's what you do.
38:15
I want you to highlight in there, one sentence that you're
38:19
going to share with your daughter on the way to school.
38:22
So just one And that's that you're going to highlight.
38:25
So they would highlight it, they have one sentence, they needed
38:28
to write a note card and I just have the book with them.
38:30
They get the car and they would say, you know what, I was
38:32
reading last night, Sally, I was reading about how the Bible
38:35
says, be anxious for nothing, but with everything with prayer
38:38
and supplication, we need to pray about some stuff that let's
38:41
pray and so the super simple super attainable, very easy.
38:47
Or if it's anger, I would assign.
38:48
Ed Walsh has really helpful book.
38:49
A small book about a big problem. 15.
38:53
Short one page of ocean was on anger, incredibly convicting,
38:56
very wonderful and you can, you can highlight one thing from
38:59
that and share with him and then parenting.
39:02
This one is where the rubber meets the road and super
39:04
important. So I want to know, like, how
39:05
much time are they spending with their kid?
39:07
How much time? Like, what is disciplined look
39:09
like? What does it not look like?
39:11
Where are they, where do they perceive?
39:14
They need to grow in parenting, where does their kid continue to
39:17
grow and parenting and then I would sign a sign, whether it's
39:22
a podcast on parenting. Or I love Ted trips, shepherding
39:27
a child's heart. His sequel book and struck in a
39:31
child's. Heart is also just as good as a
39:35
shepherd and child's heart. And so I'll sign something like
39:37
that and say, hey, read this chapter between now and the next
39:39
time we meet, and I want you to tell me your honest, thoughts
39:42
about it, how it relates to your parenting and that always has
39:45
that always, if they do the homework, if they do their
39:48
homework, if it can really produce fruitful conversations,
39:52
That's really great. Love it.
39:54
Well, what are the things that we know?
39:57
One of the things that I do that we do at the end is always with
40:01
our guest is like and with the subject we've been covering his
40:05
ass for like maybe one two or three resources that we can
40:10
point somebody towards. Now I've already wrote down and
40:13
we like to eat. We're going to include these in
40:15
the show notes, but I've already wrote down The Greatest Story by
40:18
Kevin DeYoung, The Beginner's gospel Bible Jerry Kennedy.
40:21
The shepherding, a child's heart by Ted trip and instructing his
40:24
child's heart by Ted Trail and so we're going to put those in
40:27
the show notes. But Sean do you have any anyone
40:30
that you're like? This is a must?
40:32
Yes I do. I got a few.
40:34
I'll try to be self-contained here.
40:37
I absolutely love and cannot recommend more, highly, cccs
40:44
books. It's a series called good news
40:46
for little hearts and it's a story about these Forest
40:49
creatures these Forest. Olds and I can remember how many
40:53
they have now. I think they have like 9 in the
40:55
series now, but I'll give you a couple of titles.
40:58
So Jax is tailed Twitches is by David Palace & Buster's ears
41:05
trip him up as another one by Ed Welch.
41:08
Zoe's hiding place is another one by David and the amp Allison
41:13
and let me tell you why, I like those books.
41:16
They're very engaging, they're not boring, they're beautifully
41:18
written, they target one. Ocular theme and they show how a
41:24
particular Bible passage just shines a light on that
41:27
particular area and they instruct the parents as you read
41:32
the story to the children. So I've had so many so many
41:36
parents tell me, you know what I needed that book, maybe even
41:39
more than my kid did and it teaches them to parent as they
41:43
read it. So it doesn't require them
41:44
reading another book. So I recommended Shepherd and
41:46
child's, heart and stroke and child's heart.
41:48
That requires extra stuff on the parent.
41:50
This book you read with your Child and you're getting
41:52
instructed as you read it and then in the back, it comes with
41:55
these perforated edges, for Bible passages that they can
41:58
memorize. I have read the whole series.
42:02
I love all of them in the series but probably Jax's tail twitches
42:07
and Zoe's hiding place are probably the top.
42:11
Yes Jack's tail. The one about anger.
42:13
Yes. Yes, we had.
42:15
We got that one with, with our son.
42:17
That was it was great. It was great.
42:19
And it has the part where the parents sin and the Book and
42:22
they get angry and they have to ask forgiveness.
42:24
So it's it's really good Gus loses.
42:27
His grip is one on basically longing, lust and coveting
42:35
things you don't you shouldn't shouldn't want and that one's a
42:38
good one as well. So that would be the one series
42:40
I'd recommend probably above them all.
42:42
Awesome. Absolutely, great.
42:44
Love it. Thank you so much.
42:47
Shawn. Thank you for your time.
42:49
Thank you for your ministry and His is not just does counseling
42:54
here yet with with some of these situations he's also wrote
42:57
co-wrote, three books that James highlighted in the last
43:01
interview that we have shot had with Sean letters to a romantic
43:05
on dating engagement and the first five years of marriage by
43:09
paying our publishing. And so we recommend those two,
43:13
they're they're all fantastic but we thank you for your
43:15
ministry and all that you're continuing to do their First
43:19
Baptist. Well that's very kind.
43:20
I love you guys. Guys, I'm thankful to be a part
43:22
of it. Thanks for having this
43:23
conversation. I think it is honoring to the
43:26
Lord, and I pray, it helps many, many kids to grow in their
43:29
great, great love of God, that knowing that God loves them so
43:33
much, that he died for them. So I'm thankful for you guys.
43:35
I sharing that good news. Absolutely James.
43:39
Well, thanks so much stone for coming.
43:41
And until next time to God, be the glory.
43:48
That healing and the tears. Fall down my face.
43:52
When I found my begin, Thanks for listening to the for
44:16
Freedom podcast. If you enjoyed the content of
44:18
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