Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / From Mormon Faith to Intentional Living: Questioning Religion, LGBTQ Beliefs, and Reclaiming Your Agency to Create the Life You Want
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:01) Hello, hello. It's another beautiful morning at Bear Lake. My baby decided to wake up at 5 30 this morning and did not go back to sleep. So we are early risers and needed to get out of the house because he was making all sorts of racket and there were still a lot of sleeping people in the house. So we finally went to the grocery store, got those hash browns that I forgot about. and listen to my previous walk and talk about my experience of being up here with family. It's kind of our reunion each year. You should go back and listen to that if you have had moments of struggle getting together with family for reunion or... big events in general. It's helpful. So go back and listen to that one. But today I've been thinking about what has propelled me on my journey of becoming, intentional becoming, and intentionally creating the life of my dreams. And I'm going to take you back to, when was it? Probably 20... 19 and I was, let's see what happened. What happened first? Okay. So I became a stay at home mom, quit my teaching job after my first baby and stayed at home. So I was trying to figure out my new identity. One is a mother, two away from education. I had formerly been an elementary education teacher for seven years, loved it. My passion was actually really hard for me to step away, but I knew it was the next thing I wanted to do for myself and for my family. And amidst this as well, I really becoming curious about the LGBTQ plus community. in the world and within my religion as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I just did not understand much about these individuals and how God saw them. And thankfully, I was willing to open up to people I felt safe around and ask them their opinions and perspectives. And I was guided to some amazing people that have shared their journeys of understanding this as well and their identities. So some great resources that I found actually were some influencers, specifically Ben Shalati was really helpful. He was my first kind of contact into that world. I followed his Instagram and read his book and And then I learned about Charlie Bird and I read his book. And then I was guided to, is it Listen, Learn, and Love? I forget the order of the words. But by Osler. I forget his, Osler, maybe. But Listen, Learn, and Love? Awesome podcast, great book. And others. But those were the three big things that stood out to me. and helped me a lot because I had never talked to someone who is gay or bi and maybe I had but I didn't have a conversation with them about their experience and their ⁓ life and that's not true. I worked with Judy but again I never had a conversation with her about her and her partner or anything like that. I didn't even know how at the time. I didn't even know what I thought or believed. I just knew that it was undesirable, really. And the rainbow was a bad thing. Like the rainbow flag. I remember seeing a rainbow flag in someone's window and asking my mom as a kid, like, what is that about? Like what is that flag for? And I don't remember her response, but I just remember like, realizing it wasn't a good thing. It wasn't something I wanted to be a part of. And this was very young because I remember seeing like rainbows on shirts and backpacks and stuff and being like, ⁓ I'm not supposed to want to wear those things or have those things. And that was a big deal. And through this process of better understanding ⁓ individuals who love differently than I do, ⁓ and experience the world differently than I do and praying about it and journaling about it and really genuinely wanting to understand and I just have concluded that I believe there is no wrong way to love and In fact, I could spend an entire lifetime just focusing on those commandments that God asked us love God, others, and I believe the unspoken one is yourself. And I don't know why we have to put so many rules on what that should look like or how that should be done correctly. why we think God has made so many rules on how to do that. I don't know that he has. I think we have done that. interestingly enough, my amazing, wonderful brother, Cregan, came out as gay. years after I had started trying to better understand this topic. And I was so grateful that I had taken the time to do that because when he came out I was already in a place of love and acceptance of him. I had done the work. I had decided what I wanted to think and believe about love and homosexuality and I was so grateful for that. So when he came out, just was, I had someone intimately in my life that I could ask questions about and, or ask questions to. And so I would write my questions down and I'd just say, Hey, I have some genuine questions. Do you have time that we can maybe talk about them? And we would. And I believe he was. has always been open and honest with me. We've always had a really strong relationship and I've always loved my brothers and looked out for them. And we've looked out for each other. And this was just the next chapter of his becoming and our becoming as a family and growing and evolving. And that's what this life is truly all about. And I realized when he came out and my youngest brother, Ryan, he's my first interview episode. It's an awesome one. should go listen to as well. But when he was on reconstructing and deconstructing his faith, what he wanted to be, believe and his identity, because so much of his identity was wrapped up in our religion. When he stepped away and disassociated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Craig and came out and also took some space between ⁓ our religion and trying to figure out who he wanted to be. I just was overwhelmed by the conclusion of... My brothers are so brave. to take the time and space and energy to figure out who they want to be and what they want to believe and how they want to live this life. Well, who do I want to be? What do I want to believe? How do I want to live my life? And at the time I wasn't having any major, I wasn't. in a faith crisis or an identity crisis or even truly grappling with those things. But once I started really looking at my life, I just wanted to be more intentional in what I was thinking and choosing to believe. Did it actually? serve me and my family? Is it actually what I wanted to believe and how I wanted to show up in the world? And so all these questions just kind of started popping up each day and I started thinking a lot. I think all the time about why I do things and why I say the things I say and just truly intentionally trying to create the life that I want and live within the vibe and the energy. that I desire because I am learning that we truly have more control over our life and our circumstances than we think. And I feel like I have taken hold of my agency in the way that God truly designed me to in the beginning. I really love in the Latter-day Saint doctrine theology that before we came to this earth, there was a battle and I don't know how much of this is real or not, but I like the idea. So the idea is there's this battle and before that God presented a plan and to all of us and we got to choose whether we wanted to come down to earth or not. there was Satan presented a plan and said, you know, I'll go down to earth and everyone will know what to do. They'll follow me and ⁓ it'll be great. Like I'll just tell them what to do and there will be no problems. And then Christ stood up and said, I'll go down and prepare a way for them, but they get to choose how to live their life and I will make it possible so that they can come back. And I guess there was, Like we had to choose and they say that there was a battle. I don't really know what that entails. And a third of God's children chose not to come or cast out, I believe the story goes. And then the rest of us ended up coming to earth. And it was all over this right to choose. And I have thought a lot about that, because within religion, it's like, yeah, you get to choose, but you want to choose these things. You want to choose this way of living. And if you don't choose this way of living, then you're not doing it right. You're not gonna earn heaven if you don't actually choose this one right way of doing life. And that always seemed so limiting. Not always. I mean, this is very recent for me. But now it seems very limiting to be like, yeah, you have the right to choose, but you're supposed to choose this. ⁓ when I think everything really will work out no matter what you choose. I do believe there are choices that obviously create more of the outcome that we want, but I don't think God intended us to be fear mongered into it. It was more like a, if you wanna find as much peace and joy, here's some ways that it might be easier to find that. And with religion, as I've tried to figure out if it's something I want to be a part of, what is the purpose of religion? Is there a purpose? I think that there is. I do think the concept of community and looking out for each other is sound. I like coming together and sharing perspective and working toward a common cause. So I do think that the concept of religion is sound and is beautiful and wonderful. Is it essential? Right now, I don't think so. ⁓ But I do think it is one of those opportunities, can be opportunities, that people, mean, so many people have been inspired to start their own communities, their own churches. they're a new religion. And as I'm doing this religious studies course that David Butler established, which I'm so grateful for because I've wanted to better understand other people that worship and exercise their faith by practice within religion. And it was like, do I have to get a theology degree? am I going to do an online like college thing to better understand these? Because I can't just travel the world and take years off to be a monk or something for a while or practice meditation for months. mean, I could. I believe I generally could if I really wanted to, but I don't. Like, I want to raise my kids and I just want to better understand people in a small way. And I do dream of traveling and being submerged in cultures and really better understanding all of God's children if I can. and let's change that, better understand God's children as I continue this life. And I'm not in a rush, but it will happen. But this course is awesome and beautiful and I have learned so far about Hinduism and Buddhism and I just am more and more convinced that God loves all of us and did not make one right way of being human. did not make one right way of being a child of God or communing with Him. It seems so limiting to me that there would just be one right way. And as a parent now, and I know I could be wrong about all of this, but this is my life and how I'm making sense of it. And as I pray and try to better understand my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother and get glimpses of them, I do believe that they are showing themselves to me. And this is what I am getting through my own revelation and my own ⁓ process of trying to understand and create connection with them and what I want to believe. And as I have become a parent myself and my three children are so vastly different. even though they all came from me and my husband, which is an amazing concept, right? They are individual humans with individual needs and desires. And to, I parent them differently. And maybe we have the same rules, but how they abide by them looks a little different. And I am realizing maybe God is the same way. He's not some dictator, he's not some being up in the sky that we are trying to earn love from or earn a place at the table next to. It's always there in the way that... My love, ⁓ gosh, my love for my children is always there. They don't have to earn it from me. I always love them even when they're not. doing what I want them to do, or following the rules, or being quiet, you I think God is the same way. In fact, I think God is like the optimal parental figures. ⁓ And I really love that. I think that they're bigger. I think they're better than we imagine and that we have chosen to believe throughout time. I find it so interesting that humanity has chosen to see God in so many different lights and in so many different ways of being all throughout time from Greek mythology to Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Christianity. I'm learning that there's so many more out there that I wasn't even aware of, but we all just have chosen to believe to see God in different ways and yet there's so many commonalities and God allows us to. ⁓ I find that fascinating that we, as we choose how we want to see God, He, they allow us to see them in that way. We're not struck down. I'm just killed on the spot if we get it wrong. Agency, it's a beautiful thing. The right to choose, the power to choose, power to create. and I am figuring out how to. truly take hold of that agency and create the life of my dreams, even within my circumstances. But I think the more of us that intentionally are creating the life that we want, it empowers those around us and elevates that vibe and that energy within the world so that others can create. Because guess what? We're actually all interconnected. We're all dependent on each other in creating our lives. and I am on your team. If I can help in any way, that's what I'm here for, to create my life and help you create yours. choosing compassion and love as often as possible is way more powerful and exciting and fun than the opposite. So there you go. There's my... story and I'm learning a lot about agency and love and power and taking actual control of our lives but co-creating with the universe, your source, wherever you draw in from that power and the power of each other. It's good thing. So make it a great day. I am cheering you on my friend.