Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep55: Nick tells the story of his 2nd worst neighbor; Evelyn survives a carnival ride that shouldn't have even existed.

Transcript

Ep55: Nick tells the story of his 2nd worst neighbor; Evelyn survives a carnival ride that shouldn't have even existed. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's reverse.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is what we call a bad apology.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm full of them.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: So let's start this thing.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to lead us in?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass podcast.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Nick with me.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: As is always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade, the host, too lazy to bring you into this podcast.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna just be doing the line share of the work myself today.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Evelyn, say hello to the people if you deign to.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Hello to the people.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: I deign.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Just the stereotypical lazy Canadian podcast host.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, I'm just phoning it in over here.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so today will be the second installment in our series.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And the theme of today is going to be the second worst neighbor that I ever had.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to take you back to 2008 in Chicago, Illinois, United States of America, where I lived, um, in a four-unit apartment building in a neighborhood called North Center, which no one's really heard of, at the tidy corner of Irving and Western in Chicago.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I had a neighbor who was known.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: He was a little known.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: He wasn't in my building, he was like next to my building, and he was known to have a drinking problem.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: And he was known to be aggressive to the point where one day my next door neighbor posted a letter to everybody else in the building that said, You need to know that our neighbor, whatever his name is, accosted me outside of our building and he was drunk and he pushed me against the wall and threatened to kill me.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I screamed and got away.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: But you should know he's dangerous and he could do this.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it was not a surprise to anybody because we knew this guy got into his cups and was dangerous.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes you could hear him yelling at his kid.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Just a real, real bad presence in the neighborhood.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: And side note to the story with my neighbor, this actually happened.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: So then for the next week after she posts the note, you know, I'm obviously scared because I don't want to run into this guy and get killed.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then one day after I come home from work, it's like a beautiful autumn day, and I am in my apartment with the windows open, and I hear a woman go, No, no, stop.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, stop.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh God, oh God.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I had this horrible flash of like it's happening.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I had this thought that I've had a time or two in my life, and the thought was, This is how I die.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so so heroic of you that that something was happening to someone else, and you were like, This is how I die.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because what I knew I had to do was I had to go down and I had to, I had to intervene.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I opened the door and I ran down the two flights of stairs and I burst out the front door of my apartment building, ready to greet, you know, what would ultimately be my maker.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: And there was like a couple, they looked like they were 19 years old, and they they weren't even from our building.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: They were just like flirting up against the side of the building, and he was like sort of trying to smooch her, and she was like, Oh no, stop.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Now, meanwhile, maybe I maybe I made it this way in my brain because I was so worried about this neighbor.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: When I was in my apartment, she sounded like she was struggling for her life.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: When I saw them out on the side of the building, it was like, oh, stop, oh, stop.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like they were having the time of their lives.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I just looked at them and I just somberly shook my head and went back into my building, right?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: So flash forward maybe a month or so, and I was keeping a weird schedule, which I often did, and it was a weekend, and I fell asleep in my room with the light on.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I woke up in the middle of the night to screaming, like yelling argument, right?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized that it was like my my window looked out over a backyard where this neighbor, his apartment, also let out onto.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he was yelling and just yelling, yelling, yelling.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought maybe he was having an argument with somebody.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I realized that he was not.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: He was having an argument with himself.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: He was he was like drunk enough to be in psychosis and he was just yelling at the heavens or ghosts or himself or whatever it was, but just rage yelling.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then I realized that I didn't want him to zero in on my apartment and recognize I was there, but I wanted my light to go off.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 4:00
  unknown: Mm-hmm.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I, without allowing myself to be seen through the window that was next to my bed, I scooched over and I hit the light and I turned the light off and the yelling stopped.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, okay, that's a concern.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I waited about 15 seconds in the silence, and then I crept over to my window to look out.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: And my neighbor is standing in his backyard, staring silently at my window.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh God, he saw me.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh God, oh god, oh god.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then I thought, oh God, he's gonna come kill me.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what the fuck am I gonna do?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, well, I have maybe I'm safe in my apartment.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't know.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then I thought, well, you know, I never go out the back door.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: And like all apartment buildings in Chicago, it had like a back door with like backstairs and stuff.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why they're all built this way, but it did.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, I haven't used that door in years.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I always go out the front door.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: What if it's unlocked?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: And what if he's gonna come up here now?
• 4:50
  unknown: Yeah.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And he's gonna get me.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I have to get to the back door and make sure it's locked, right?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Except there's a whole kitchen between my bedroom and the back door, and that kitchen has a window that faces out into the same backyard where the guy is, and he's staring into my apartment.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: So what the fuck am I gonna do, right?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, obviously, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get on the floor and I'm gonna belly crawl all the way across the kitchen through the utility area to the door to check and make sure it's locked, which of course it fucking was.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, of course it is.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I am back down on my belly, and then the yelling resumes.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh, this is really bad.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is really bad.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I need to call the police.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just need to call the police.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I get my phone to call the police, and then I hear the gunshot.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Cool.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh fuck, oh fuck.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: I hit the I hit the deck again.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm belly crawling across the living room so I can be on the other side in case he's firing into windows, which I don't know where he's going with this thing.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: But like, I just I'm on the totally other side of the apartment and I call the emergency, and then 10 minutes later, I was like, I think he has a gun.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm hearing gunshots, he's yelling, he's drunk.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Ten minutes later, there's police lights and ambulance lights, and I don't think about it again, and I don't hear from him again.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And that scared the shit out of me.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: So flash forward another month or two, and we are in a tornado warning, which is a uh thing that doesn't happen often.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't happen ever in Los Angeles, it happens one time in three years in Chicago for me.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: And the sirens went off, and I my wife and I, my she was my girlfriend at the time.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend and I went down with my cats.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: We got them in the carriers, and we went down into the basement where the laundry machines were to wait out the tornado alarm.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And there was one other of our neighbors there, and she was this very nice woman who lived right beneath me, but who I never talked to.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so she and my what my girlfriend and I started having this conversation with her, and we were just shooting the shit and talking about it, and I I told her the story.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Oh, you know that wasn't a gunshot, right?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, What was it?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, he was lighting firecrackers off, and he he blasted off a few of his fingers.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it was actually fortunate that I called emergency because apparently when that thing went off, he blew off a couple of his fingers and required emergency medical attention.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And that, Evelyn, is the second worst neighbor that I've ever had in my life.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: So my question for you, Evelyn, is here it comes.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Here it comes unless it was the car accident that we already talked about in an early episode, what is the closest you felt like you were coming to dying?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, just keeping it light.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Keeping it light.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you can keep it light.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's funny.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're like, oh my God.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: I just, I don't know, man.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, between this fifth and sixth cosmo at the at the fucking Dave Matthews concert.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, I would be totally sober if I was at a Dave Matthews concert.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I would like to soak all that in.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because the music is sober.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Would you are you being funny?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, I like Dave Matthews man.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just want I just want you to sit in that disappointment for a sec.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's so much more than disappointment.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Layers.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I honest to God, I don't think in light of this recent news that you would understand the feelings I would try to describe to you.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm learning.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm learning about your depth and that it is not where I thought it that it was.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, interesting.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: But that's okay.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you haven't dug deeply enough to find like the Yeah, maybe I really need to get under the table and dream.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that was really funny.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: That was really good.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was really funny.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you should.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you should.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm sorry that you don't appreciate timelessness.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Timeless.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Ladies and gentlemen, Evelyn just referred to Dave Matthews band as timeless.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to remember that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Later when we have our who's the best host contest and you're sending in your votes, I want you to, I want you to ask yourself, am I voting for the person who gives insightful questions and occasional occasional blue jokes that open my mind?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Or am I going with the person who listens to ants marching and goes, This is beyond, this is beyond just one decade of human experience.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is something that speaks to all humans throughout time.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I just want, like, I am not even interested in interjecting at any point here.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just want you to keep doing what you're doing.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just just let it rip.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: I I yeah.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean just like Dave Matthews does with their bus septic tanks over the rivers in Chicago.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know that story, right?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't drink the water.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh I don't oh God, that's excellent.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: How are you capable of being that funny?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then also capable of the horrors that you've committed earlier in this podcast.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I have range.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have I have range.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Said no member of Dave Matthews band.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's I don't know, man.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Dude can belt.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Dude can belt.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Dude can belt something.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god!
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: What is the question?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, what was the question?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: He really is, he really is the Celine Dion of like patchouli soaked two-chord acoustic guitar garbage.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we're we're really getting into something deep.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, I really like personally I had a goal in my mind that I wasn't gonna be like a hater on this podcast, that I wasn't gonna be one of these guys that shit talk to other people.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: But every now and again we stumble into something that is so painful for me that you can't have to respond from the depths of my own trauma.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I could tell that's where that's coming from.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: I could tell.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: So Evelyn, what's the closest you ever thought you were to dying?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: That was funny.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, other than this conversation where I wished death, just so I could get out of it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um wow.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Also, P.S.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I won't put this in here.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm really I'm really nauseous right now.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm kind of like, no, no, no, it's not your fault.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just want to tell you.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, if I'm not like it's not something I did no, no, I'm really just like, okay.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Why wouldn't you put that in?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: People want to know that this podcast was delivered from the edge.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: From the edge.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: That I'm trying to try not to be yarn.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's nothing you, it's more like I'm trying to like keep just keeping my focus here.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here's a story about a time I almost died.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or I thought I was going to die.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let's put it that way.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was visiting a friend of mine one summer in university in Prince Edward Island.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we decided, I mean, we saw a bunch of things, we were touring around, seeing all like the red sand and the you know, beautiful things that Prince Edward Island has to offer, the the beaches, the Anne of Green Gables museum.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: An important museum if ever there was one.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe not to you over there in Pasadena.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Anna Green Gables is kind of a big deal over here.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Wasn't she like that?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Wasn't she like the third premiere of Ontario or something?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she was.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: She was, she was.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: We just had a book leading the lead a book series leading the province, which is probably still better than Doug Ford would be doing.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hey! Oh, snap! Suck it forward.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Suck it forward, you weasel.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to Prince Edward Island.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'd never been there before, and it was beautiful.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: It was wonderful.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And there was like a fair, like a little, a little town fair that was going on.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend said this was something really fun for her to do.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: She enjoyed doing this, you know, whenever she was at home.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because remember, we this is a friend I had met in university in Ontario.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: So she had moved from PEI to Ontario.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, I went to visit her and she was taking me around to all the fun things that she knew.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: And this this little fair was one of them.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what you would call it, because it wasn't a carnival.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: If only there was a yeah, if only there was a word to adequately describe the nuances of Canadian Island fairs.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: I do where you cheat death.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's driving through Toronto rush hours, probably what another name for it.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we went to this fair and there was this one ride.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to picture, okay, so you sat in it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Two people at a time would sit in this ride.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it looked like I'm trying to describe the shape of it.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: So picture like an old film reel.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was about wide enough for one person, but it was like a big loop.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you'd kind of sit on either side of this, right?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it was pretty archaic, pretty rustic.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: You would like to sit kind of like it was all metal on a wooden bench.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: And there was kind of a bar that you put your feet on, and then there was a like a bar up here to hold on to, okay.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Up near the ceiling.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: The top of this cylinder.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then across your waist was a large hemp rope.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: That was it.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you don't want to see hemp rope as a an ingredient in your ride.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's not trustworthy.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's not known for its ability to withstand incredible velocity, is what I'm here to tell you.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I had this rope around my waist, and it'd be like you and I facing each other, sitting across from each other, and we're just going around like that.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like so we are still upright.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then comes a time when the person operating the ride just decides to jack it up.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're going faster, then you're spinning.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a good story for me to tell when I'm nauseous, by the way.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love this.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is like so it started going faster.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then it's spinning every which way.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start going upside down.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like he's pivoting that thing, and you're just I don't like that it's up to anyone's judgment.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: These things should be fully there's some carnian, whatever state he's in.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, calling the shots here as opposed to like 15 scientists work together for five years to make sure that people who weighed as little as three pounds or as much as 750 pounds could like could like fully withstand the yeah, that's crazy.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so this thing just started going.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and the other thing is we were the only one on this ride.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like there were a few of these pods, I guess is what I'll call them.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: We were the only ones.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so, which is weird, well, it was like midday, like, I mean, this isn't we're not talking about it.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it sounds like everybody else in Prince Edward Island has a sense not to not to get on the hemp ride on the on the film reel hemp on the metal cage on the hamster wheel is what we probably should have called it.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I remember at one point during this ride, first of all, thinking it wasn't terrible, and the the rope I really want to emphasize was across my lower abdomen.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like this wasn't like, you know, across the chest or across right in the middle.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: This was lower abdominal, load-bearing hemp rope.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: So this ride, this ride's going, and I think the person operating it saw it that we were the only ones on there as a sign to a let the ride go longer and b go a little crazy.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this story also has scream screaming in it.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of screaming because at one point, very early on in the ride, my main strap, not the hemp rope, but the main strap broke.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And and my friend, she was fine, but I'm like, I'm screaming to her because this thing's also loud, right?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds like we're in like some kind of combine or you know, brain elevator.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Always the louder, the safer.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you want your your eyes to be clicking and clacking as much as possible, right?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, that's right.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And this thing starts picking up speed, and I'm like, oh, and so my feet were pushing into this bar at the bottom that we had the foot rest, and I was holding onto this bar at the top and pushing myself into the wall as much as I could.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought I was gonna be fine.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Then this thing starts just spinning and whirling, and I'm upside down, and I'm like, I don't know what's happening.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm screaming, I am screaming, it's broken.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let us off.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I am just screaming, and I kept screaming to my friend, this is broke.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm mine's mine broke.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: My seatbelt broke.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it got to the point where I couldn't scream any farther.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think this ride went on for 47 minutes.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know anything for sure.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: That would be incredible.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: That would be the mind fuck of a lifetime.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: If he just let it go for three quarters of an hour, it just he goes and has a lunch break, smoking a smoking a dart behind the candy corn.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I wasn't puking, but this rope, I remember thinking, I am not gonna be able to have children because of what this rope is doing.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I remember literally having the thought of if this doesn't sever me in half, I'm going to wish it did.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Got it.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm barren, and I'm barren as a result.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, so this rope, like eventually this ends, and I'm sure my hair, I had long hair at this point.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can't, it must have looked, I was this in the premieres.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: This was uh, whoa, no, this is like post-permies.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: But the it was everywhere.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that was the other part of this.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I had one of those claw clips in the back of my hair, and so it was tied back, and because I was flailing all over, my head hit the back of the thing and my claw clip broke.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: So my hair's everywhere.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's these two sharp pieces of plastic just bouncing around this thing.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm bracing myself with core strength that I don't have and have never had.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: And this rope is not giving up.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: It is the strongest member of this story.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: I want to tell you.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, PEI hemp rope.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I need to tell you that not only did I have trouble walking after I left this because I was so dizzy, but also I had been in like pure panic this whole time.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's important to know that for I would say a good couple weeks after, I was black and purple from the navel to the grundle.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like that rope.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: From the navel to the grundle.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Were you fucking straddling it?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like what are we Well, no, it's all in the front.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wouldn't.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: The rope didn't.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: The grundle is hardly in the front.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Look, in this ride, everything was everywhere.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just letting you know where the bruising proceeds.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know if Canadian grundle was in a different place.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: You were like, yeah, it's the it's the thing, uh, it's that little divot right above your lip under your nose.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh yeah, y'all do it differently than we do.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we have different grundles than American.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you know an American versus a Canadian, you lift the tail and you check the grundle.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you do.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: But this was, this was, I'm sure it's not the only time where I thought I was gonna die.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't truly know if I thought I was going to die in this ride, but I remember thinking I am not going to be well after this.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the bruising, like the bruising was so wild, but the ultimate chaos that was going on inside this cage.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend, like her side of it was fine.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Mine, I was fighting for my life for for at least 94 minutes, you know, happening here.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was, it was intense.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that guy was hearing us scream and thinking they're having the time of their lives.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna keep going.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna crank this up to 11.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: And he did, but I was in so much pain.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm surprised I didn't birth my own organs after that.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because like you could have could have been a real injury, though.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was in I know, like that's the that's the real part of this, is like because all of my body weight times whatever physics would tell me this is multiplied by was being thrown against this rope.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not like it was a thick, like I'm not talking one of those massive, like, like a ship, like a cable on a ship.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking like although maybe it should have been.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it should have been, because then at least it would have actually done me in.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: This was like something you'd buy at like the hardware store on the corner and just just tie it, just tie a nice little sailor's knot into the loop that actually held up quite nicely.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't remember, I don't remember what happened when he opened the cage.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if he if I said, Oh, it's broken or the thing broke.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I must have said something, but I'm sure my friend left looking like she had had like the time of her life, and I looked like like I had just been to the the brink of the afterlife.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that Carney's name, Jason Flanagan, Jason Flanagan, and then we got married, and then that was the 45-minute hell ride that preliminary the 15-year joy ride.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: So message for all you single gals out there.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't write off them.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you haven't tried meeting somebody that's cartable, don't write off them carnies.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: So my last question for you is do you think that this is what the author of Anne of Green Gables imagined?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: Do I think that like if they revived the series that Anne would have this experience?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think that if Lucy Maud Montgomery came back to life and decided to pick up in 2026 with a with an updated version of Anne, Diana, Gilbert, Marilla, Matthew, and all the hijinks, and Rachel Lynn, we can't forget her, the town gossip.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to think that this ride would be involved.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I would like to see Anne try and remain positive and hopeful for the future.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: When her red hair was flying all over that cage and getting caught in the gears of the princess.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Edward Island Gravitron ride.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Just try.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think that she would be surprised to find out that they used the same components to build carney rides during the 90s that they did during the time that Anna Green Gables was young?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, we have fixed ours with hemp robes as well.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: How interesting.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: That nothing has changed.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, nothing's changed.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is gonna stand the test of time.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: I actually think this probably was from the time, the days of your.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: The days of your the days of your internal bleeding is what this the days of your daughter didn't make it, Mrs.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: King.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: The days of your never having children.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: The days of your hemp is of superior quality, because not only did it hold me in kind of in place, but it almost sawed a full-grown woman in half.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's powerful.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just like the books of Anne Maud Montgomery.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Lucy Maud Montgomery.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Lucy Maud Montgomery.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you at least remembering Maud Montgomery.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's the idea.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: I only got it from you 10 seconds ago.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was impressed that you knew the author.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's a Canadian rite of passage if you're a teenage girl to read those in the 90s.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there I'm missing.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: I did live through the 90s, but I've neither been a girl nor a Canadian.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: So my rites of passage were much, much more pugilistic in nature.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe next time.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I know you were probably buried in the Hardy Boys, but I think that like Oh yeah, I was buried in the Hardy Boys.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, Evelyn, I had friends.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I can't wait to get home and check in with the Hardy Boys.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God my dad kept these for the last 50 years because they're evergreen.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, look, this guy.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Look at they're typing memos to each other.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Holy smokes.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I I hope they solve another mystery with a with a magnifying glass that they bought at a Woolworths.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely captivating fucking period piece, the Hardy Boys.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Evergreen.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing's aged badly in those books.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: When the Hardy Boys take their human slave to investigate the Eisenhower mystery.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh here.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Powerful.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: You go over that cliff and see what danger is over there.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Report back to us and we'll journal about it.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that that is a good place for us to conclude this episode before Evelyn becomes physically ill.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um in addition to feeling better now.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's good.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: You got it out.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, thank you so much for joining us on the Reverse Jack S podcast.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: We appreciate you.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: No, you're fine.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: You you kind of have to be here.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of have to be here.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: But to the listeners, the voluntary attendance of this podcast, we love you, we cherish you.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: Please tell your friends about this podcast and have a wonderful week.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: And please don't be afraid to say no to carnival rides if they seem dangerous, because they can be dangerous.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if someone's blowing up firecrackers, just wait it out.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: It might not be worth calling the cops over.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let it work itself out.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's the key to that.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: I should have just done that.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, he would have had to use his stumps to mash the numbers on his own phone to get the police to come.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, until next time, I'm Nick.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: With me as always, the Zembling Canadian Blade.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see you next time on the Reverse Jackass Podcast.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Some neighbors are besties.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Stuck together through geography.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: One of us has nukes, and the other has tokes.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's American and Canadian diplomacy.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's reverse.