Latest / Mom Wars / Call the Midwife

Transcript

Call the Midwife · Mom Wars

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: From the front lines of the mom Wars.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Here's Bethany Mandel and Kara Kennedy.
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to another episode of your favorite podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: I am your co host, Bethany Mandel. It's very easy
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: to tell us apart. I am a frequent writer for
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: The Washington Examiner and The New York Post and a
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: mom of six who I homeschool them to varying degrees
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: of success. And I am joined by my beautiful co host.
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: Aura Kennedy. I am a mom of one and twenty
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: three weeks pregnant today, which I feel like is dragging
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: on now. I mean pregnant my entire life. This is
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: the problem with finding out four weeks pregnant. I think
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: I was when I found out that. It just feels
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: like in my friends, when did you find out that
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: you were pregnant with each one?
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Most immediately. I don't understand people who are surprised by it.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: I extremely don't understand the people who were like I
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: had back pain and then I went to the hospital
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: and found out I was in labor. I don't understand
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: those people.
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: I have a cousin who supposedly found out five months
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: and we'll just think that she just didn't want to
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: tell my mom. She was twenty one.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Fair. My mom used to work as a social worker
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: in group homes for people with severe mental disabilities. Yeah,
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: she had a client who was like, essentially the client
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: was raped because you can't give consent when you have
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: the mind of a five year old, right, And my
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: mom almost actually lost her job because that happened to her.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: She went to the hospital with back pain and found
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: out she was pregnant. But like that was some of
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: severe mental disabilities, so I can see it on that front. Yeah,
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: but my mom almost lost her job because she didn't
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: know that this woman that was in her care was
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: pregnant and she was on like a lot of medication
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: the entire pregnancy and did not turn out great.
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: Ooh yeah happened.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: I mean they just like the grandparents, I guess of
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: the baby took the baby, but the number, like the
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: amount of drugs and medication that this woman was on
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: and the fact that it was the whole time, like
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: I'm sure the baby did not turn out okay, right
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: yeah yeah, And my mom was like, should I have
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: been tracking her period? I didn't know that. I was
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: my job, but I was as a social worker. I
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: don't know.
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: I mean, was this woman big?
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: Okay, she was, Okay, I didn't.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: I mean I remember very vividly that like the day
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: that had happened, and my mom came home and told
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: me like, oh my god, my client had a baby today.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm sorry what. And I remember
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: seeing her at my mom's job a couple weeks prior,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: and I had no idea that she was Yeah. Yeah,
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: I mean she wasn't showing, but she was big. She
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: was a big, big lady.
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: So they say peopil center is like in front of
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: the baby, stops you from having a bump.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean she was. She's big, right, she was big.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: She was also severely mentally what's I was supposed to say, disabled,
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: whatever the word is, that's what she was. And she
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: had the mind of a five year old and she
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: just didn't I didn't know. And I mean she was
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: raped and they found out it was like a cleaning
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: guy or something at her group at the other group home.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: So it wasn't my mom's fault in that regard. Terrible. Wow,
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: this really really jumped off on a really positive note.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Sorry everyone, everyone.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: Goes straight into another worst note as well, did you
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: see the who is? How did you say this one's name? Ala? Ala?
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: I don't know? Do you you know that you know
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: the girl I'm talking about? I don't what the like
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: internet prostitute?
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: No, I always won an internet prostitute.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: What? How do you know? She's like the most famous
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: girl on Twitter? All of tweets get pushed to me.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: No, so the Twitter gives you the algorithm. Twitter gives
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: you what you want.
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: Well, but everybody knows this gill no.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: No. The other day Twitter knew to provide me. The
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: algorithm is amazing. People taking screenshots of my tweets and
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: making fun of me. I was like, elon, how do
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: you know that this person is sub tweeting me right
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: now with a screenshot? And then I was like, how
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: do I turn off this algorithm? Because I don't want
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: to see people taking screenshots of my tweet and dunking
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: on me.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: Well, tweet was it? That's so mean?
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: So it was dumb. It was so you know the
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: Heritage Foundation crack up, in which Kevin.
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what yeah, what is what is being going on?
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: So they there's like an anti Semitism task force that
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: was housed at the Heritage Foundation and me being a
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: positive Polly. That's what I'm known for being positive. Everyone
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: was replying all on the list serve like one hundred
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: emails angry and resigning, and I was like, maybe we
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: should think of something positive, Maybe we should try to
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: be positive. So what if we do like Shabbat dinners
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: for junior staffers and interns because there's like a graper
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: problem in Washington and we can like I'll have dinner
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: together and maybe like maybe they'll stop hating the Jews
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: because they'll have like they'll have some chicken soup and
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: mats the balls. And so they put that in the
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: recommendations of like the things that we could do post
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Kevin deciding that he loves supper. And then during the
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: all staff meeting, a staff member stood up and was like,
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, am I gonna have to go to a
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: shbot dinner because I am not interested in that and
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: it is against my religion to go to Shabbat dinner.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: And then I I fessed up. I was like, Okay,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: that was my idea.
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: You don't have to come, Yeah you want to don't
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: flashy itsell? Yeah?
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: So I so people, so a lot of grapers were
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: taking screenshots of that tweet of me saying like, Hi,
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: that was my idea. You don't have to come. I
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: just thought it would be nice to break bread. Yeah, yeah,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: literally break bread. That's what we do. We break the bread.
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: What what is the latest with that? Where is it?
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: Where's it got off? After the whole Twitter storm? So
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: Kevin Roberts, I said about five Kevin Roberts apology.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Video exactly, That's what I was about to say. He's
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: posted two or three hostage videos. It's not going great
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: for him, and he like he's had things canceled, like
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: there was like a Fedsock thing that got canceled, there
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: was an Oxford Union thing that got canceled, there was
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: another event. So I think that he thinks, and I
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: think it's a correct assumption that he should just ride
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: out the storm. Eventually people will will, you know, lose interest.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: But it does not appear to be happening yet. So
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: but I support his strategy.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: I'm always surprised that more people don't do that though.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: I'm kind of pro writing out the storm. A lot
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: of things that people react to. I just think all
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: you had to do is nothing. Yes, that's correct, maybe
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: that's not going to be the case his time, but
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: I did think that with Prince Andrew. Weirdly enough, I
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: was like, why are we straighten his tiles? But well really, yeah.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: No, I mean every the problem is for him, a
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: new thing came out so much and Will and Charles
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: were like, we're done here. They hated him, they were
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: so over it.
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't think he's a good person.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: I want to think that he should have any concessions,
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: but I do think it's weird. And I tweeted this
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: at the time, that like he hasn't been charged with
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: a crime. Yeah, you know.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess it's just I think Charles just kind
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: of like it was just one headline too many and
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: it just pushed him up.
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, and I get it, but it's weird to
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: me that he was never charged with a crime. It
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: feels wrong.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: So can I ask you, since you are like my
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: royal correspondent to my heart, what's going with Charles? Like
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: is he okay?
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: I've heard I've heard conflicts in things, and I try
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: not to listen anymore, to be honest, because I was
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: so burnt out by the royal stuff because there was
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: just NonStop drama. But I've heard from some people that
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: he's like very very ill and on the edge, and
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: then other people are like, no, he's fine, he'll be fine,
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: but like he's obviously like living with an illness. Now,
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: I don't think anybody's trying to say that, like he's
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: not sick, you know, but there's been there's sick, and
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: then there's sick. And I think that whatever he has
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: is like livera ball.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Interesting. So I hear that you're nesting.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: So it started properly today.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: Really twenty three weeks.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and my wallpaper guy is coming tomorrow. My husband
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: is furious. It's like, car, we made like half a
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: decision today for one thing, and you've already booked somebody
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: in to come at one pm tomorrow And I'm like, yep, did.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: You actually book it several days ago?
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: And then no, I booked it like at seven pm
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: tonight when I was out on the couch, when I
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: had just picked the wallpaper that I wanted. And it's
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: funny because so I can't remember when I started nesting
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: last time, but to be fair to me, last time,
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: the house was in a dangerous like state. We had
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: no heat, no nothing. So it was actually very like
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: traumatic and stressful for me last time because in the
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: back of my head, I was like, how am I
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: going to bring a baby into this? But now we
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: live in a very safe and warm house because we
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: had a big renovation and I'm still finding stuff to
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: do as early as twenty three weeks, so we'll see
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: how it goes. And the funny thing have to the
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: nest and last time was I kind of hated everything
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: and had a household of stuff that I didn't like
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: and have since got rid of.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when I brought my second home, I only went
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: to the hospital for a day, like I leave the
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: hospital as soon as humanly possible and often against medical advice.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: And then I ended up having homeberst for this reason
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: because I was like, no, I don't want anyone to
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: hold me hostage anymore. We came home and this is
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: not a joke. A squirrel had eaten through our power
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: line in the like, oh my god, fifteen hours we
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: were out of the house and we had no power
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: and no heat.
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: That's horrific.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: It was unpleasant. It was very unpleasant. We figured out
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: that like one room still had power somehow, and I
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: put We seth figured out how to put a how
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: to put an extension cord through the whole house so
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: that we could put a space heater in the bedroom.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: And I was Twitter harassing our power company, and then
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: I made the whole internet join in, and so the
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: whole internet was bullying my power company. And they showed
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: up that night at like seven pm. It was way
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: after they were supposed to be working. And the tech
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: shows up and he's like, are you the lady from Twitter?
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: And I was like, and I opened the door holding
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: my son, my newborn, who's less than maybe he was
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: a day old at that point, and he was like,
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: oh wow, the baby thing was real. And I was like, yeah,
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: I came home early from the hospital to find I
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: had no power and no heat. That's the whole Twitter
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: harassment campaign.
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: And he was like, yeah, I was pretty annoyed because
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I had to come here after my shift, but okay,
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: fair and yeah, and it was very quick, so I
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: had power back in like forty five minutes and then
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: we had heat again.
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: So last time. So when Daphne was born, there was
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: a period where we had no heat apart from the fire,
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: and then like two mini splits, but the mini splits
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: were completely insufficient for the size of the room that
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: we needed to heat in the house, and we had
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: about two feet of snow outside the snow cap coming
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: and we had no generator. We now have a generator,
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: thank god, because we lose power all the time. And
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: amongst all of that, I was in my head. I
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: was like, Oh, it's fine because we can just leave.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: We can just go to a hotel if any if
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: anything happens and we get snow don and we lose power,
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: we can just leave. And then we tried to leave
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: one day and the truck that we had we didn't
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: realize when Nick bought it with two wheel drive, and
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: we actually couldn't leave. And then I went into crisis mode.
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: It was absolutely terrible. So now we have a four
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: wheel drive truck and I generated it, so nothing bad
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: can happen.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: Yeahs touch what we So when my first was born,
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: so I lived in a not great place in New Jersey.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: It was I had nicknamed it at the time Mogadishu.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: But I decided to stop calling it Mogadishu because someone
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: on Twitter DMed me and said, I am from Mogadishu,
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: and I resent the comparison, and I was like, yeah,
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: that's fair. Yeah, So I stopped calling it Mogadishu because
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I thought that was insulting to Mogadishu.
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: That's hilarious. But what is Mogadishu.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's just a hellish town in Somalia, Okay, But
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: my town in New Jersey was worse. And so when
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: my oldest was born, when she was little, like three
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: two three months old, a transfer, an underground substation transformer
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: exploded and they couldn't give us reliable power, and so
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: we would just the power just cut out. And it
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: was January and it was a winter where we had
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: polar vortexes, and Seth and I were sharing a car
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: and I wasn't a good driver yet, so I would
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: usually let him take it and park it at the
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: park it at the train station, and so I would
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: have no car. And then all of a sudden, the
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: power just started going out all the time, and you
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: never knew is it for five minutes or five hours
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: or perhaps several days, because they were trying to repair
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: the substation and did not communicate with us what was happening,
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: what the timeline was, and nothing. The power would just
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: randomly shut off in the middle of Lune. And this
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: happened for weeks, and I was postpartum with my first baby.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: And I think that everything goes hey wire most after
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: that first baby, Like I was leaking so much more,
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: I was so much more emotional, Like I was a
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: mess after my first in a way that I never
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: was again. But I think also I was driven crazy
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: by this situation, and I darnley almost lost my mind.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: And I was home with a little baby and it
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: was negative degrees outside and I would just lose power,
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: and I was like, I don't know how long this
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: will take.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: How many kids did you have in New Jersey?
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: We had our third in New Jersey and then we
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: moved when so I told Seth he had a very
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: difficult job at the New York Post, who was the
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: op ed editor, and he had a very difficult job.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: And I said, I would like to have a fourth,
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: but I will not have it until you get a
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: new job, because I can't have a fourth baby like this.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: And he got a new job running the Examiner magazine,
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: and I got pregnant that month, and so I found
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: out I was pregnant the day after we moved in
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: to our house in DC, and Seth was like starting
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: a new mag magazine and starting a new job and
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: like all of these things. And I was like, I
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: have to find someone to do this now, and I knew.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: So my third was born famously, very famously, in Seth's
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: car halfway to the hospital. And so my midwife from
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: that pregnancy told me, if you have another baby, you
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: seem like the kind of person who will you can't.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: You can't have another hospital birth like this. Again, it
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: cannot be like spontaneous labor. So you either have to
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: get an induction or you have to have a home birth,
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: like you can't just go into labor and drive to
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: the hospital like a normal human. So I looked for
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: a home birth midwife at that point.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: And you found did you have the same one with
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: the last three?
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: No? So I'll tell the story now that I'm done
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: having babies. I used a practice with my fourth, who
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: was my first home birth, and I am beyond certain
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: that she looked me up or found out who I
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: was halfway through the pregnancy, because she turned ice cold.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: I started refusing. So it was a midwife and then
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: she had part time assistant midwives and she started refusing
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: to see me, and then during my I think it
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: was I think it was my last appointment before I
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: had her, she made like a really snide comment. At
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: so we had like group visits where like everyone who
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: is due the same month would go in together and
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: we would It was excruciating because it was me and
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: a bunch of first time moms who were really really neurotic. Yeah,
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: and it drove me nuts. I hated these group meetings.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: She made like a really snide comment about how I
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: was heartless during one of the and it was like
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: out of nowhere, it was like this really weird.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: It's so weird.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: It was a really weird side swipe. And so at
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: that point I was like, oh, yeah, she does know
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: who I am because she's she was super hippy dippy,
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: like you know, to comb a part.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: I feel like you can get on that vibe. Though,
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: I feel like in all of the ways that like, firstly,
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: I don't think you controversial, but in the ways that
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: you are, I would think that it would align with
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: like a crunchy, hippy ish no.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Because I'm Republican, therefore evil.
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: But Republicans and Maha, like it.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Was pre Maha.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: Okay, this is this.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, this child is six now. So this was
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: six years ago, right. So I was due July first,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: and that midwife who I disliked, so everyone had like
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: an on call month, and so she had two assistant
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: two assistant midwives who I loved, and then it was
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: her and so she was going out of the country
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: in June, and then she was the on call midwife
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: in July. I was due July first, and I always
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: have my babies late, and I was hell bent on
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: having my baby in June. And so I was swimming
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: laps every single day, like walking miles, like trying to
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: push myself into labor. And I my water broke in
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: the pool and I didn't know because I was in
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: a pool. And so I got home and I was like,
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: what is going on? And I called one of the
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: assistant midwives and part time midwife, and she came over.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: She was the one on call, and she checked me
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: and was like and they're able to do like a
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: pH test of the fluid and she was like, no,
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: this isn't your water. I'm not sure what's going on,
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: but you're fine. It's not your water. And she left
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: and I called her back like an hour later, I'm like, no,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: I really think this is my I'm having like cramping
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: and then like a gush sort of like I really
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: think this is my water. And so we were talking
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: and she's like, well, what were you doing beforehand? And
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: I said I was in the pool and she said, oh,
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: the chlorine throws off the pH. Did you take a
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: shower before I came over? And I said no, and
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: she was like, Okay, take a shower and I will
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: come back over and I will test the pH again.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: So she came back, she tested the pH and it
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: was my water. My water basically broke and I wasn't
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: really ready to go into the labor yet and so
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: that was my hardest labor. It was really awful. But
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: I got the assistant midwife and not the witch, so
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: hung on what date was this, like June twenty second,
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: I guess it was, Yeah, she was a week early.
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: Oh that's really yeah.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: And she was like when she came out, like she
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: was covered in vernix, Like it was clear like I
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: had I had prematurely broken my water. Zero regrets, because
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: it would have been a terrible experience to, you know,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: have someone there who hated me for my fifth and
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: my six babies. The assistant midwife who had been doing
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: most of my care for my fourth, she she did
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: a spin off and she started her own practice and
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: she had technically signed and do not compete. And I
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: was like, well, she doesn't want me, and I don't
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: want her. I'd have at the side of the road
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: before I went back to that lady. And she was like, yeah,
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: no's she's not going to fight me on this one.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: I'll take you as a patient. And so she delivered
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: my fifth and my sixth, and I loved her and
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: it was funny. After my fifth was born, it was
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: summer and she went to the pool after the birth
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: and somebody came up to her and said, you were
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Bethany Mandel's midwife. I saw you on Instagram. And she
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: was like, what do you know Bethany? And she was
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: like And the woman who came up to my midwife
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: was like, no, I just follow her on Instagram and
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: I saw she had her baby today. And so my
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: midwife after the birth had looked me up and she
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: was so sweet. She's like, I didn't know you were
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: a person, and I was like, yeah, I didn't. I don't.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: I don't tell people after the last time.
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, that's amaze in but.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: She was so sweet and she was like, if you
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: have another baby, and I at that time was like, no,
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not having another baby. She's like, if you have
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: another baby, I would love to be your midwife again.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: And I swore up and down I was done after
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: my fifth and then I called through six months later,
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: nine months later, and I.
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: Was like, all right, so it turns out I'm pregnant again.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: She was like, she was not. She was less surprised
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: than I was.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: That's amazing.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And so she was amazing.
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: So what would have happened if you would have given
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: birth with a midwife that you didn't want? Because I
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: hear of people doing this. I like, I know somebody
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: who had a dula who she hated and basically had
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: to send out the room for like the whole time
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: and felt like very uncomfortable whenever the dula was around.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: So I heard a horror story from someone who had
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: a bad experience with my midwife. I don't know why.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: And she was mean to this person in labor, like
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: yelling at her. But the one that you like, no,
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: the one I don't like. Oh, Okay, the one I like,
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: I love. Yeah, I just referred a friend to her actually,
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: and she had a wonderful birth. If anyone in the
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Washington DC area in Maryland needs a midwife in Montgomery County,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I have a RECOMMD get to you, and I have
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: one that you should not do. I have a counter
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: recommendation and a recommendation. But yeah, no, I was afraid
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: that she would be mean, and that's a very vulnerable
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: time and you don't want someone who hates you in
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: that moment. It is all hands on deck.
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: I so I switched my Midwiffree Center at thirty two weeks.
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: I think it was just because Bill mc morris, who
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: also has six kids, told me to go to the
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: place that his wife had just given birth, because he
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: was like, I'm kind of an expert in this now,
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: and she's given birth six times and this was by
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: far the best one. So I was like, I mean,
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: who am I I even had six kids. I'm just
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: going to do what he says. So I literally switched
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: like that day. And it was a really stressful rush
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: to try and meet all the midwives because obviously from
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: the beginning, like they want to build a relationship with you,
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: and there's like six or seven of them, and they
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: all need to meet you over the time that you're
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: pregnant so you feel comfortable given birth with me. And
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: then I would say the kind of meanest one or
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: not mean, but like Sterne was the one that I
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: loved the most, and I don't know what it was,
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: but after my appointment with her, I was just kind
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: of like, I hope she's the one because you kind
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: of do want to Pisia had to hello all day
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: or you want to be like.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: You want to feel supported and I feel supported.
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: But you kind of want to be told what to
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: do and by somebody who you respect.
• 24:36
  Speaker 6: You know, Yeah, Hello, I'm James Landwax and I'm at
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: the diner. You know, classic American diner chrome long boomerang
• 24:54
  Speaker 6: pattern for mich Account's little jukeboxes. We love these and
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: you can join me here every Saturday when we talk
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: about what ever happens to spring into my mind at
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: the moment. There's no predicting where it will go, except
• 25:04
  Speaker 6: that it'll be done in about thirty minutes.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Join me, won't you? Every Saturday from the Ricochet Audio.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Network Ricochet, Join the Conversation.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: I, so I use midwives with the hospital bursts too,
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: and so my first my first one, I also switched.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: I switched at thirty seven weeks, Oh my god. And
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: it was funny because I was taking these very hippie
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: classes as you are, and let's talk about that next.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: I was taking hippie dippy Bradley classes, which I loved,
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: and I decided that I wanted to have a natural birth,
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: not because I love pain. Funny. Actually, though, I had
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: a stress dream last night that I had to get
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: an epidural and I woke up having a panic attack
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: and I couldn't go back to sleep. Oh my god,
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: I am more scared of an epidural than anything else
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: So funny.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So I decided that I wanted to have a
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: natural birth, and so I was taking these Bridlay classes
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: and there was a sample like fifteen questions of you know,
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: you're supposed to ask your provider to to get test
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: the waters if they're supportive of you having a natural birth.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: And I asked my provider and zero out of fifteen
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: every single question was not the answer I wanted, and
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: I decided. I decided to switch. And one of the
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: questions was what will you do if my water breaks
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: and I don't immediately go into labor, And then that
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: ended up happening to me, and I'm so glad that
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: I switched because the answer was like immediate C section,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: and so I'm very glad that I switched. But it
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: was funny because I had I called the practice my
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: first practice, and I asked them to send my paperwork
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: to my new practice, and I thought that that was
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: understood that I was leaving that practice, and apparently that
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: memo never went through. And so when I was supposed
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: to be forty two weeks, I got a call from
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: the doctor and she was like, Hi, we haven't seen
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: you in over a month.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: I was like, why are you just calling me now?
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's insane.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: I've seen you in five weeks and you're just calling me.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: And I'd had the baby two weeks prior, and so
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: she can hear the baby in the background, and it
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: was so awkward.
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: I wash my god.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: It feels a lot like a relationship, honestly, like finding
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: the right person, wanting them to be there, whatever, and
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: then this awkward call two weeks after I've given birth
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: and she's like, oh, I hear that you had your
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: baby and I was like yeah, and she asked me
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: why I switched, and I told her. I was like,
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: I don't think you would have been supportive of the
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: birth that I wanted. And she asked me how it went.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: She's like, oh, yeah, I definitely would have sectioned you.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: And I was like, see, that's why that's.
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: Fine, babe. So they said I I heard these horror
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: stories before I gave birth, and it really like riled
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: me up, and I went in old guns plays and
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: like ready to defend myself and advocate for myself. I
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: remember saying all of this to my midwife and Habbie
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: and I yeah, great wife.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I left. I left an OBI practice, yeah, and
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: the OBI practice also. It was at NYU and I
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: think I've told this story in the podcast before. I
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: don't remember, but she gave me when I and I
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: should have left at this moment, but I was so
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: young and I didn't know it's my first baby. She
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: gave me a sheet of like basically the schedule of
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: like what you do for the whole pregnancy, and there
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: was really invasive tests on this list, and I knew
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: enough to be like, why would I get that and
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: she was like, oh, I don't remember, but it was
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: like a lot of tests and it might have been
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: amneo even like it was like really intense. And she
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: was like, so, our average patient is in their forties,
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: and so this is what we recommend for them. And
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: I asked. I was like, do you have anyone in
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: your in their twenties? And she's like no, and I
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: don't remember the last time I had a patient in
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: their twenties. Oh my gosh, that is crazy. She said
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: the average age of their patient was forty two, and
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: I was, yes, it was like Manhattan, where like it
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: was all these like IVF moms who wanted like a
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: very invasive situation in part because of their age, part
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: because it took a lot of invasiveness for them to
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: get pregnant. And so yeah, there, you know, that was
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: what they did. I should have left when that when
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: that when I got that paper and it was like, amno,
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: However many weeks I should have been like, this is
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: not for me. Yeah, that's I didn't realize I wanted
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: to have an actual birth until very late in the game.
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: Well was it that made you rate eye?
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: I was laying I remember it so vividly. I was
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: laying in bed looking at my like my pregnancy app
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: and they had videos and whatever of like, you know,
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: different things to expect and whatever. And I was laying
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: in bed one night, probably around twenty weeks maybe a
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: little later, and I was watching one of the videos
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: and it was like, this is an epidural. And when
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: I was a kid, my mom I was raised by
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: a single mom, and so I remember my mom had
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: a spinal tap done and I was in the room
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: for it, and it was one of the most traumatic
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: moments of my life. And so I watched this epidural
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: video and had a total panic attack and I came
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: out of our bedroom and I was hysterically crying, and
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: I was like, I cannot get an epidural. And it
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: was funny because when my stepfather came to visit the
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: first time after she was born. I don't remember how
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: it came up, but like it came up in that
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: first conversation with my stepfather that I had not had
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: an epidural, and he immediately was like, oh, it was
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: that spinal tap with your mom. And I was like, yes,
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: it was, Yes, it was. I'm still afraid of that.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: And also when I was living in Cambodia. I was
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: a teacher and one of my students got very very sick,
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: very very quickly, and it ended up being I think
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: the momps, but they were afraid it was meningitis, and
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: so he needed a spinal tab and he was an orphan,
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: and I was the one that brought him to the hospital,
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: and so I had to be in this children's hospital
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: in rural Cambodia holding down my eleven year old student
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: as he got a spinal tab. And it's it was
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: not a pity. It was not a good situation. It
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: was one of the hardest, awfullest moments of my life.
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: And no one was answer. They hit, I can't, Oh
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: my god, Yes, well that's not all that. I don't
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: think mine hit.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: Oh. An epidural doesn't hurt nearly as much as a spine.
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: Oh okay, it's differently, okay, yeah.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: So I was I was a teacher in rural Cambodia,
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: just as backst and we were in school on a
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: Saturday watching a movie and he developed a nasty, horrible
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: fever while we were watching the movie. And there was
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: no one else at the school because I had like
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: opened my classroom special for this movie, and no one
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: was answering their phone. I didn't have my principal's number,
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: I didn't have I didn't have anyone's number. And my
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: one colleague that I did have her cell phone number,
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: she wasn't answering. And so I had to make like
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: a game day situation, like I think I need to
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: bring up to the hospital. And then I brought him.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: And I didn't know how to get in touch with
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: the orphanage. I didn't know how to and so I
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: was the one that was giving consent for stuff. It
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: was awful, and it took a really long time to
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: figure out how to get in touch with people in authority.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: And I had to just sit in a room with
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: him with like sixty other people in other beds, and
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: you have to like barter for sheets and water and food,
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: and like ladies come around with stuff and you have
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: to like give them money. And so I like have
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: this like eleven year old orphan boy that I'm like
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: weirdly suddenly responsible for in rural Cambodia. I'm trying to
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to figure out, like how do I get
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: him sheets, how do I get him water? How do
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: I can. I'm allowed to give him water? What was
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: going on? I don't know. I don't speak Cambodian, I
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: don't speak Kimer and so it was quite the cultural
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: experience that day.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: That's enough to put you off an apple dual, I understand.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, anyway, that was a really weird, random story that
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: I haven't thought about many years. AH is trauma. So
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: your hipping birth hip, your hippie birthing classes, how are
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: they going.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: Hip no birth in?
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: Did you do this last time?
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: And it was recommended last time to my husband by
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: a dad who, like Nank, is very science minded and
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: not hippie did at all. So when Nick was recommended
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: this by his friend, he was like, oh, we should
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: probably listen to him. And it took a lot to
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: convince me, actually, because I was like, why we wasting
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: our time with this because it's like pretty intense. It's
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: like a twelve week course. So was that and I
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: was like, don't we have enough to do? But I
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: loved it. I actually really enjoyed it. And I don't
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: know how much of a difference it made to my birth.
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: I mean it so the class is with my dula,
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: so I would have had her anyway, whether I did
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: the class or not. So I just decided to do
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: both because I got to see her moll then. And
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: I don't know what I would have done without my dula.
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: I don't think I opened my heart enough to I'm
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: just very British and I get very embarrassed abou stuff.
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: So when I was like doing all these mantras and
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: like doing these kind of yeah, I'm not hippy enough
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: for it, but I've done it since. So I actually
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: did it. A couple of months ago. I was getting
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: electronicis on my vagina.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Drink Brian drink.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: Everybody drank. So electronicis is like a much more painful
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: version of hair removal.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: And it's like the joke is, every time we save
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: vagina on this show, our editor has to take a shot.
• 35:33
  Speaker 4: How many times have we said it?
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: Like for just one this time, but I guess twice
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: because I just said it just now.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's so. Yeah. So I had electronicists, which
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: is like a very painful and permanent version of hair
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: removal on my vagina, and I hypno birthed out, so
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: I radibly painful, and after like two hours one day,
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I should do that breathing technique
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: that my dula told me. And I started doing it
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: and I was like, wow, the pain actually has gone.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: So I have done it now, So Bradley is not
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: as hippie dippy, but it's like, you know, pain management whatever.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: And I did it at the dentist once because this
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: is a running theme. I don't like shots, and so
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: I decided at a dentist appointment that and like in
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: in consultation with the dentist, I didn't unilaterally make this decision,
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: but I decided it would be more painful to get
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: novacane than it would to just power through because it
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: wasn't close to the nerve. It was like a very
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: surface filling whatever. And so I decided not to get
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: novacane while I was getting this filling done. And so
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: I was doing this Bradley breathing method through through the
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: dental appointment and the dentist was like, I'm sorry, what
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: are you doing exactly like breathing and breathing and he's
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: like and then then I said, you know, I've had
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: six babies. This is what he and then he thought
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: when he when I told him that I had had
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: six babies without an epidural. He thought I was impervious
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: to pain, and I think that. Then things took a
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: turn and he was, wait.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: So what is Bradley. I've never heard of this.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: So it's it's a hippie dippy twelve week very intense.
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: It's like birth education.
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: And because it's probably hypno birth and just under a
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: different name, let me go.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: No, No, it's very different. Hypno birthing is like much more
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: like mind over matter, you know, meditation thinking. One thing
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: that really really really frustrates me about women is that
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: they go into birth blind and they trust their providers.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: And one thing that really really really makes me mad
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: about our medical system is that that is not a
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: good idea because your provider is not your friend. They're
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: a person that wants to get home and wants to
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: make money, and your interests do not align with their interests,
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: and you should protect yourself accordingly. That was why I
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: switched my practice, and I'm very glad I did. Yeah,
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: my Bridleay class was like very helpful in educating me
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: about all the different stages of labor. One of the
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: funniest things that I remember very vividly is that they
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: told you that in transition you thought you were going
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: to die. And it's true, you do think you're going
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: to die in transition. And I didn't think about it
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: at the moment. But Seth was there for all of
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: the classes and so he knew. And so when I
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: hit transition with my first and my second, I said
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: goodbye to him, like very lovingly. I just slow danced
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: with him and told him how much I loved him
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: and how much I loved our lives and how I
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: appreciated him. And both midwives were like, we've never heard
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: a woman talking like this in the middle of labor.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: And Seth leaned over and he's like, she thinks she's dying.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: I was like, I do because I am. And then
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: the midwife were like, oh, okay, we're going to get
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: some gloves on. We just thought this was a moment.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: We didn't realize that this was a goodbye.
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: It's so cute. Oh my god.
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: And then my daughter was present for my sixth birth.
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I didn't tell you this.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: No, she was my doula. My nine year old was
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: my duel. Wait what yeah, Oh my god, I can't
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: believe I've never told you this. How was that it
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: was amazing. It was so wonderful. We didn't plan for
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: We did plan for her to be there, but she
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: was way more present than we planned on because the
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: night before the birth, her and the younger sister had
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: broken her arm and so Seth I couldn't leave her,
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: and so my oldest daughter was present for every moment
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: of my birth. And I had prepared her and talked
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: to her beforehand, and I had told her that there's
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: going to hit a point where I'm going to think
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: I'm dying, and I just want you to know that
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: I'm not. But having her there was actually great because
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: I had like a logical part of my brain that
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: stuck around for the first time, and it told me, like,
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: don't scare her, Yeah, don't talk that you're gonna die,
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: don't talk about seeing your parents again, like don't be dark.
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: Just power through it. Don't freak her out. And so
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: that was actually probably my best birth because I was
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: able to keep my wits about me. I wasn't able
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: to like let go the same way, and I think
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: that was good because I didn't go to the dark
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: place because I didn't want to go to the dark
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: place in front of her.
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: That's interesting. Nick was just saying a couple of weeks ago,
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: he was like, oh, what if the baby stays this
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: when you give birth? I was like, I'm not giving
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: birth in front of was seventeen month old. No star
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: her for life. That is way too young.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I don't think it would scar her for life.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: But I had a hard time with every previous birth
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: going into labor with my children present, because it would
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: just I would stop the second I heard a kid
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: or whatever. I needed them like out in order to
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: you know, it just it. I mean, we're mammals, and
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: so you have to like really let go. Yeah, you
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: have a baby. And every single prior birth, hearing or
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: seeing my other children completely put a stop to my labor.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: But that time I really needed my oldest and she's
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: she's my bestie. We went to Chicago.
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: Also just very grown up. But it's not like I
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: can imagine her not being a hindrance at all.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: No, she was amazing. She was I remember I was.
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: I was sitting on the toilet and my water broke
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: sitting on the toilet, and I have this wonderful picture
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: of her holding my hand and I was like.
• 41:36
  Speaker 5: My water hasn't even broken. It's never gonna break. I'm
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: not even I'm not even close. And she was talking
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: me through it and giving me a pep talk. She's like, Mom,
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: I really think you're really close because you sound really upset.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: And then as she's saying that my water broke and
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, I can feel the head.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: So again when I was in there, But it's funny
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: because I'm very British and very people pleasey, and like,
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: I don't want to annoy anybody. I want to make
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: sure that everybody's having fun, So I was focused on,
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: like everybody else in the room.
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: I'm telling jokes the whole time.
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I just want everyone to and like, even
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: having a duodler, it was like kind of another person
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: to look after, which was nice for me because I
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: wanted to. I'd be like, Nick, have you had enough? Nicatine,
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: why didn't you go out Firs Day? What am I doing?
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: Hey, folks, James Lilex, you're reminding you this is November.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Of course you knew that already, right, And you're a
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: little bit relieved because we've got some time before Thanksgiving
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: and Thanksgiving itself, it's just one day there's no big
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: no songs, there's no gift giving all the rest of it.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: It's just eating its pie. It's football, it's great, it's fun.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Hey.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: But December is right around the corner, and that means
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: gift giving season, and that means you give somebody something
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: that they like, something they're going to enjoy. Is go
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: to enhance their life. Not a sweater, not a sucks,
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: not a gift getting out of a subscription to after
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: shave or hot sas. Get them Ricochet. The gift of
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Ricochet will enable them to enter a community that will
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: speak to whatever they want to speak to and provide
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: them with a new set of friends at a fresh
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: place to go on the internet. So this November, do
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: the smart thing, well, you know, get Ricochet yourself, but
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: then think about getting it for a friend. Am I
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: gonna bug you about that next month? I am.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: I don't remember which kid, but I realized like I needed.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: I'm like a cat, I need like no one around me.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: I can't because if I have people around, I'm trying
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: to perform instead of trying, instead of letting myself lose
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: it enough to let the labor go. If that makes sense.
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it does make sense, but it's kind of
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: terrifying me now that I have to birth for a
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: second time. Oh my god.
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: But but having her there was amazing. It was so great.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: I'll send you pictures after this, not for distribution to
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: our audience, but it was really special and we still
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: talk about it, and it worked out like really weirdly nicely.
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: It was the night before the so in Judaism, the
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: death anniversary is called yart site, and and I love
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: that in Judaism that's like a real thing, whereas my
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: mother's I'm sorry it was the twenty. It was the night.
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: It was the day before my mother's twenty at the
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: art site, and so having my daughter there felt like
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: this full circle, beautiful moment. I know. It was amazing.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: It was really really amazing. And it's funny now because
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: like whenever I fill out his birth date, I'm like,
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: is it twenty seven or twenty eight? Because both of
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: those numbers are symbolic to me, but I don't remember which.
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, that's so cute.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was really special and it was nice too,
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: because so yard sites are like they're difficult for everyone,
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: but in Judaism they're actually like marked in a significant way,
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: whereas I think the rest of the world it's like
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: a weird thing to say death anniversary, but it's a
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: real thing. It's very painful. And so I was always
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: very scared about the twentieth yard site because it feels
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: like such this big, monumental, scary number. I've almost been
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: down for twenty years. And I was very distracted that day.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: I had to get a cast on one kid. I
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: had a one day old.
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, that's not your life. It was awful, stressful,
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: I go, but it was great. Feel overwhelmed. I just
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: think about you and I'm like, grow up.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: No, I legit. Almost had a breakdown after that birth
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: the do you remember that woke video that came out
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: after my book came out. Yeah, so I like I
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: stumbled on camera and I just like froze. It was
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: it was a panic attack. I had a panic attack
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: on camera. And it was when my book was coming out,
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: which was when I was maybe three months postpartum, no,
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: not even it was two months postpartum and my daughter
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: had broken her arm and I had a newborn and
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: the broken armed daughter stopped sleeping because of the arm,
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: and so I had not slept, oh my god, so long,
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: and I had a newborn, and my book came out,
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: and I'm traveling all around and I'm doing all these
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: media appearances. And that was my most difficult postpartum besides
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: my first. And it was because it was like the
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: anxiety just it was like a sour dough starter. It
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: just fed on itself and it multiplied. And that was
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: not easy.
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: Do you regret working so much for that postpossum.
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: I had no choice. I couldn't set my book date release.
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: It was not optimal. But also my daughter breaking her
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: arm the night before the birth was optimal.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: And yeah, so like when I was in labor, no
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: one was in the room with me except my nine
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: year old, and no one wanted to tell me what
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: was going on. But I could hear her crying in
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: another room, and eventually I was like, and so my
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: midwife was helping her more than she was helping me,
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: because I'm a cat and I wanted to be alone.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: And my midwife is a nurse, she's a certified nurse,
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: and so she was, you know, trying to assess what
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: the situation was with my daughter. And eventually I was
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: like y'all have to tell me what's going on. Everyone,
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: And Seth came in and he was like, so, I'm
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: pretty sure her arm is broken in two spots.
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: I was like, and your body is just like closing up.
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: And at that point I'm in like really really active labor.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: I was like, well, okay, I guess I'll call the
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: pediatrician whenever this is over. I don't know when that
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: will be. And it turned out it was pretty fast
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: after that, and I called my pediatrician an hour after
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: the birth and I was like, so, I just had
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: a baby an hour ago. Weirdly, that's not why I'm calling.
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this is why I think. I don't know. After
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: the first baby's birth, it was so special and I
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: was in this bubble and like I didn't really know
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: when was day all night, and everything just felt kind
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: of felt like a fever dream. But then when the
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: second kid, you just kind of have to get on
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: with it.
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: Don't like it's sad, very it's sad.
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it is sad. I feel sad. I feel sad
• 48:30
  Speaker 4: about it.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was. I mean I remember after my third
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: was born, and that was the car baby. We were
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: at a music class, so he was born on a Friday,
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: and we were at music class Tuesday, and I'm still
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: wearing a diaper, and the music class teacher was like,
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: I have never had a baby that's small at a
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: music class before. And I was like, well, here we are.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: I had to get out of the house because the
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: children were walloping on each other. Yeah, and we have
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: this music class, so here we are. And Seth did
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: most of the music class because I was still wearing
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: a diaper.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 49:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, fun stuff, but yeah, I know it's it's It
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: is sad because you don't ever get that newborn bubble
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: ever again.
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: What about with two No? Yeah, because yeah, because I
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: have to like run around after it. Crazy.
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: Yes, I remember the first breakfast I made for myself
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: after my third was born in a car. I made
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: myself this like fancy breakfast with eggs and toast and
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: orange juice. And I was like, look at me, I'm
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: still human. I can still make myself breakfast. And my
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: kids ate the whole thing. My kids came in and
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: just stole it. And I was so proud of myself
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: for making breakfast after I had a baby in a
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: car like two days prior, and I took a picture
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: of it. I posted it on Instagram and it was gone.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: My kids ate the whole thing and I cried. I
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: was like when I gave birth.
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: Nick was like, oh, you should stay in bed for
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: thirty days, like don't move, and I was like, that's
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: really sweet. But after seven days, I was like, I
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: need to get out of the house before I yeah,
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: jumped out of the window.
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: I think that's why I actually, I think that's why
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: I had such a hard time postpartum with my first,
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: because I stayed in too much. I realized that I
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: needed to get out very quickly to keep my sanity.
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: Well. Also like, if you didn't tay or have certain
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: other issues, then you're kind of fine.
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: I felt funny, Yeah, it's fine. I did. I did,
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: like bleed, probably way too much for too long. Sorry
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: Brian and all of our Malen listeners. I don't think
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: we have many. And I think that was in part
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: because I was doing too much. I remember, I think
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: it was after my fifth was born. Yeah, it was
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: after my fifth. I went to Costco two days later.
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: Thirty six hours later, I was at Costco and people
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: commented on my Instagram and they were like, you know,
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: you could instacart, and I was like, I can't instacart
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: my way out of the house. And that's what I
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: wanted to do right now, was get out there.
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I remember I stopped at a local restaurant,
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: and I've had this situation happen in a number of
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: times where I don't know someone but they know me
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: because they know of me.
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 51:27
  Speaker 3: So I stopped into the restaurant to pick up lunch
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: on my way back from Costco, and the guy almost
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: fell out of his chair because he knew that I
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: had just had a baby a day and a half prior,
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: and he was like, I wouldn't I wouldn't let my
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: wife go get lunch. And I was like, well, thankfully
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: my husband is not a misogynist like you, and he
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: is someone who used to comment me on Twitter as
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: a progressive all the time, and I was like, this
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: doesn't seem very progressive to talk about letting your wife
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: do things.
• 51:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, looks insane. But although I don't think Nick would
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: let me go to Walmart two days after.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: I mean it was that it was that or I
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: go crazy. And Seth was kind of like at that point,
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: by five, he was like, you know what I need
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: to do, and you need to get out of the house, and.
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: I, yeah, you know what you need to do at
• 52:13
  Speaker 4: that point. Yeah. Yeah. But I did go to Walmart
• 52:16
  Speaker 4: a couple of weeks ago and watched a guy sneeze
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: into a fridge like ten times in a row and
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: didn't close the fridge and just didn't stop. And I
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: haven't stopped thinking about it since. So gross?
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: Was it onto food? Like yeah, like grapes?
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: No, it was milk, but like still gross.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I guess it's gross, but like it's
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: a passage so gross.
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: He opened the fridge, started sneezing and didn't think to
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: like close, Oh my god. So I literally stop thinking
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: about it. So gross, and I don't do that.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: I don't. I think it's I mean, okay, and on
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: that note, or are we going to record next week? Yeah? Okay,
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: because we didn't even get to this, but you're leaving
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: the country, Yeah all right, we'll talk about it.
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, let's talk about it next week because I don't
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: want to annoy anyone, you know, Yes, So.
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: Let's do that. So we'll talk next week. We have
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: to do it Tuesday because I'm leaving the country on Wednesday.
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, so let's make.
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: A NAEs hashtag boss Bitches.
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: All right, ladies and that one gentleman who's paid to
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: listen to this podcast until next week, Saddle.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: Up Ricochet join the conversation.