Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Why I Love Watching Couples Fight | LeClerc Andre | Stand Up Comedy 🤣🤣😁

Transcript

Why I Love Watching Couples Fight | LeClerc Andre | Stand Up Comedy 🤣🤣😁 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: My apologies to your short kings out there.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: I see y'all.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Any short kings in the house?
• 0:06
  unknown: Woo! Woo! Woo!
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's more than that, you know.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: I can see your feet kicking.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are you doing right now?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was almost late for the show, man.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: I saw a fight outside.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Are you guys like me?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I see a couple get into a fight, I just have to sit and watch.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: All I heard the girl say was, you know, I just think it's funny.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, wait a minute.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'll miss my bus for this.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I tied my shoes for 30 minutes.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: I was invested.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Anytime a woman says, I just think it's funny, it's never followed by a good joke.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: She's about to say the meanest shit you've ever heard, my boy.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: She's about to dig deep.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: I love seeing fights in public.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think the best place to watch a fight is on an airplane.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love seeing a fight in the sky.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I fly spirit.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I do know.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my spirit people, I see y'all, man.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: People talk trash like it's not the best airline.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, oh, they don't even have TVs.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Why do we need TVs?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: We got alcohol and poor people.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: What more do you need?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Are you not entertained?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's like Jerry Springer with wings.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's the best way.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I board a spare flight, I get hyped.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, Jerry, Jerry.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Start kicking strollers.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Get this baby the hell out of here.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: He ain't ready.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I saw the impossible.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: I saw a lady get kicked off a spare flight.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: How ratchet do you have to be to get kicked off a spear flight?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the flight attendant was like, Tootaloo bitch, is what she said.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: This is a professional.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Tootaloo bitch.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Can we start with Tootaloo?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: Magical white word.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Tootaloo.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I can't say that all willy-nilly.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I could barely say willy-nilly, man.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Tootaloo is crazy.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: I can't walk around Harlem like, all right, Touloo fam.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'll see you Thursday.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, ta-ta now.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm finna skedaddle.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm about to scram, my boy.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think they can scram.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: My favorite word that you guys have is you guys have shenanigans.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, shenanigans?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Come on now.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: We got misdemeanors.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the same I learned at the precinct.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, these aren't synonyms.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, alright, two point.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: It feels good to be here with you guys, man.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: I got I got married for the first time, so I'm just happy to be out there.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: I love my first wife, man.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: She's nah, she really is the best for now, man.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I love her so much.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: She hates that I call her my first wife, you know.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't do it to be disrespectful.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm just trying to keep her motivated.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, come on, first wife, what are we doing, huh?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Nah, she's great, man.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: She she used to be my girlfriend, you know.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: We're traditional like that.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: She's my man.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: She was a great girlfriend, man.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: The best girlfriend.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: I miss my girlfriend, man.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I want that old thing back, you know.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend was the sh- she used to wake me up in the middle of the night for sex.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's who I proposed to.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's who I gave the ring to.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Last night my wife woke me up.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I got excited.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it was for sex.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what's up, baby?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: What you trying to do?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, nothing, you know, I just think it's funny.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Let me sleep, woman.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: I like to imagine a moment before she woke me up, you know?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: But she was just watching me sleep peacefully.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Just getting angrier and everything.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what you got dreams, nigga?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Not anymore.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Nah, but she's great, man.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're new parents, my wife and I.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm happy, man.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a new dad.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: We had to talk before we had kids.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the the talk.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, hey, we're not gonna hit our kids, right?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta have it, you gotta check in, you know.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, why not?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, okay.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: My bad.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't know I married a monster.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: You look so nice.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was a real debate.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: We had a real long conversation about it, but eventually she conceded.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Alright, alright, I'm not gonna hit him in front of you.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't work either.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: But now our kids are here and I'm excited.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: I love being a dad, you know.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be a good dad, you know.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have good parents when I was a kid.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you guys heard, but my mom, uh, she named me LeClerc.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck her.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: LeClerc, I swear that's my Leclerc is my real name.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I got a brother named Tommy.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is this is some bullshit.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: LeClerc, I have to mention that because people will ask me after the show, like, LeClerc, is that a stage name?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: How'd you come up?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Why would I pick Leclerc?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a good name.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like it.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: My my daughter's two years old, she's an angel.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: My son is five weeks old.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, brand new, still got the stickers, you know.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: He's fresh, you know.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to stop cursing.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be a good dad.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the other day I was changing his diaper, I don't know how he did it, but he managed to pee into my ear.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: He's it like turned, he's like a piss bender.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as it hit my canal, every curse word I've ever heard ran through my mind.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was cursing in different languages up here, you know, but what I settled on was, ah, you got me.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, ooh, that was a good one.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: That was good.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: That was good.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get you back.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna get him back.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: I just walked it off like a good dad, you know.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: My uh, the hardest curse word for me to stop using is the N-word.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's so hard.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how y'all did it.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Cold turkey, too.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's impressive.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: You guys really got organized with that one.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Was it an email chain?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: How'd you do it?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like to whom it may concern.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thursday's the last day, you know.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Tell y'all, but you guys did it, man.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Most of you, you know.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: There's always one white dude who doesn't laugh at a joke.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I think he still dabbles, you know, on the weekends, you know.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm trying to cut back.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard, man.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing everything I can.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm on the patch, chewing niggerette.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: You ever just doesn't work.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: I want to set a good example because things are getting weird.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I got an argument with a dude the other day just for calling him white.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: He got upset.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, What makes you think I'm white?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't know, Hunter.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Listen.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to finish this lacrosse game, man.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we arguing?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Just get this IPA afterwards and chill.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta talk about race, man.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: It brings us together.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I could be white for a day, I'm not greedy.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just 24.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I could walk a mile in your boat shoes, I would use my white powers to find out if police officers are ticklish.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know, really risk it all.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I got one white life to live, you know.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a goochie goochie goo, like hit him in the armpits, you know.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm not finding out, but it'd be cool.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, it's a cool cop, you know.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are you doing, man?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just be out here assaulting officers.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, assault, really?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: These are shenanigans, my boy.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, you better scram.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, don't do that.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I live in New York, so I have to be very cautious with my kids, you know.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I took my daughter to the playground the other day.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as we got out there, a man approached us.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, hey, how old is your girl?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, hey man, where's your kid?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just be a loose man at the playground.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Hell nah, it's BYOB, you gotta bring your own baby.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just peruse.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: This ain't a car dealership.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: What are you looking for?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me, what year is this one?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: 2022?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: In black?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I've always wanted a black one.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: They look so fast.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Get away from her.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to play favorites.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's a that's a thing I don't want to I don't want to have a favorite child, you know.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: But it's hard, you know?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: My son is definitely not my favorite.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: He's not, man.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's nothing personal.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not holding a grudge because he peed in my ear, you know.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I've just he's five weeks.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Who is this kid?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, he doesn't even know yet.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: But my daughter, oh, I'm such a girl dad.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: I am, man.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: LaClerca, she's got me wrapped around her little finger, man.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: This girl's an angel.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: I remember when the name first came to me.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: I saw her, I was like, oh, Leclerc.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'll show you guys pictures after the show if you want to see.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's the thing I do as a dad.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I show people pictures of my kids and other parents, they show me pictures of their kids, you know, and I'm always like, nah, I'm okay.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care about anything.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: My biggest fear is that one day she's gonna grow up and I'm not gonna be her favorite, you know.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: The other day I was putting her to bed, and she goes, first time she's ever done this.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Daddy, daddy, I want mommy to put me to bed.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I was devastated, man.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Devastated.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just had to hold her.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, hey, mommy's busy right now, but you should know, you know.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: She wanted to hit you.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she's just like that's not your homie.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your homie, all right?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: You guys are great.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: I got a skedaddle.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Tulu.