Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / When Your Plans Fail: A Better Approach for Christian Moms

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When Your Plans Fail: A Better Approach for Christian Moms · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

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Writing things down is the equivalent of having a drink of water.
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Write things down.
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If you feel crazy in your head, just start writing things down and see what happens.
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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Christian homemaking podcast, Simply Convivial.
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I'm Misty Winkler, homemaker, homeschool mom, grandma, and author of the book Home
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is for Hospitality: Why Your Home and Homemaking Matter Convivial means living
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life together with joy, and that's the kind of home atmosphere that we want to
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create as Christian wives and mothers.
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We can do that when we repent, rejoice, repeat.
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So join me for this quick attitude pep talk
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that will help you learn to love what must be done.
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Grab a basket of laundry to fold and let's dig in
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so as we plan, as we make our plans, as we try to get stuff done in the summer,
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we want to, um, keep our attitude about that plan solid and cheerful.
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We don't want to be so focused on getting our project done that we are rude and
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overbearing to the people in our house.
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And we have to recognize that mothering and homemaking, just
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not even the homemaking projects.
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You know, I'm not talking about sourdough and sewing and canning.
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I'm talking about cleaning the toilets and sweeping the floors.
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Like, maintenance of the home takes a lot of time, and it's stuff that
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we usually don't count on our plan.
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So for these weekly resets, um, I have the a, a free resource for
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you, um, the weekly dashboard.
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So when we are making plans, the whole point is figuring out what we
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should be spending our time doing.
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You know, what are we counting?
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And often when we make our plans and we write things down, they
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are wishful thinking plans.
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We are not thinking about, um, what really needs to be done.
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We are thinking about what we would like to get done if no one ever interrupted us,
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if no one had bloody noses, spilled milk, or, you know, was hungry between meals.
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Then we would get so much done.
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But the fact is that managing that home with the constant caretaking
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is our job, and there might be seasons where we have to actually
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acknowledge that on our written plan.
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But too often, our default is like, "Well, since my wishful thinking
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plans can't happen, then I'm just gonna give up planning entirely.
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Like, why bother writing things down if the things that I want to
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get done aren't gonna get done?"
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Right?
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This is sometimes the way we think, and those are not the two options.
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We can give ourselves a focus with a written plan so that we are less
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distractable, and, I mean, distractions are a huge problem right now.
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We need tactics to overcome distraction, and a written plan is a key part.
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But not just any written plan, not an overcomplicated plan.
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You don't need a planner with stickers and color coding and all the things.
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You need a daily card with your top three.
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You need very basic daily habits for yourself and for the home.
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And then you need to give yourself options for things you
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will work on if you have time.
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We call that a running list.
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Often the mistake we make with planning is that,
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We think that if I just fill in the blanks of the planner that I
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purchased, then I have a good plan.
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Like, my job isn't really making the plan so much as filling in the blanks,
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as if the planner that I purchased is my worksheet, and if I get the
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answers right on the worksheet, then it's g- the plan's gonna work.
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But that's not what a planner page is at all.
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That kind of just good student, good employee mentality and mode
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of operating does not work at home.
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And adding in worksheets to your day isn't gonna make it work, and it's
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not the worksheet that's the problem.
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But then we spend our time browsing Amazon or Etsy or, you know, making our
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own planner pages because we think if I just have the right blanks on the page
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and then I fill them in, then something magic will happen, and I'll be happy
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with myself at the end of the day.
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But it's not about the planner page, although I do think
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a planner page is helpful.
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But your planner page could be just a spiral notebook.
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I have several friends who their planner is just a spiral notebook,
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and they write things down.
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They make notes to self.
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It's their collection of lists, and they've got their notebook,
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and they've got their calendar.
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And the- that's how they run their life, and that is completely adequate.
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Because you don't need to fill in blanks to have a complete plan.
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You need to make notes to self for what notes you need to see to help your
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week progress and to remind yourself of what needs to happen on different
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days or what needs to happen this week.
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You know, remind yourself of what you're procrastinating on so that
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you can stop procrastinating, not be distracted, and recognize that the
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little things that we are doing count
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just because, you know, you didn't get to X, Y, Z that you really wanted
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to, just because the pantry is not as organized as you would like, because,
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you know, something spilled in there and it had to wait for tomorrow.
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That is life.
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And we can roll with that and not let everything not, every little thing
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not going our way count against us and become evidence to our internal
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story that we are not good at this, that we are failing, that we should
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just stop trying because it's never going to be what we want it to be.
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That is a false story, a lie in your head that is taking you out of the
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game, and it's imperative, it's vital that we tell ourselves the truth about
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our life, that we tell ourselves the truth about our work and our abilities.
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And we are able to do the work that God has called us to do.
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It might make us tired, and it might not.
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It likely will not turn out the way we wanted it to turn out.
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But that's okay
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You know, there's, um, reminds me of Proverbs 19:21.
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There are many proverbs that speak to planning.
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One of my favorites is, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is
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the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
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Your plans are not as important as God's, and whatever is happening is
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the life that God is sending you.
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And so you can take it.
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You can accept it.
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You can work with it.
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And I know many are the plans in my mind, for sure.
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I am never short of plans.
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But just because I have a plan doesn't mean that that's what's going to happen
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And no matter what I plan, I need to be able to accept the providence of
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God day by day and accept that as the new plan and realign and reassess.
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You're always making these judgment calls about using your time and energy.
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It is an economics decision, right?
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There are scarce resources that have multiple applications.
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And so living, living life, especially in home, in a home with, you know,
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you're managing many lives in your home, many different responsibilities.
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And so there are more uses for the scarce resources, whether that's
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time, money, energy, attention.
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There are more uses than resources.
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And we think that that means that we have to do something, like we just don't
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have enough resources, and so we should, um, do things to either increase our
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resources or reduce the options, right, the ways that those resources could be
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used so that they can come out equal.
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And, and we're trying to get to the point where they come out equal so that we
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don't have to make those judgment calls, when actually getting good at making
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the judgment calls is the whole point.
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That is growth in wisdom.
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That's what we're supposed to be learning.
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And so it's like we're trying to take away the whole point of the lesson.
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The real key to ma- making plans that help us is to make a plan that
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acknowledges our limits, that we will have more options, more things we could
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do, good things we could do with our time and attention and our energy.
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But for right now, we are going to focus on, we are going to choose these things.
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And unless God comes and disrupts that, this is what we're doing.
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We acknowledge God might disrupt that for us, and then that will be fine.
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But what we don't want is to just be all, "Woe is me.
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I can't do everything that I want to do, so I'm going to do nothing."
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And like when we, when we just put it that way, that sounds ridiculous.
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But if we're honest, we all have been there.
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Where it's like, I don't wanna make a choice.
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Making a choice is too hard.
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I don't know if it's the right choice, and so I'm gonna make
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no choice at all and do nothing.
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And like that is the dep- that is the story of the servant who
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buried his talent in the ground.
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He's like, "I'm not gonna go risk and put myself out there.
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I'm just gonna keep it safe."
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That is not an option.
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That is disobedience.
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So we need to put ourselves out there.
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This is what I wanna work on.
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And it's in practicing making those judgment calls that we get better at it.
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You might choose the, you know, not the best thing.
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You're trying to choose between different good things, and maybe you
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bit off more than you could chew.
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Maybe your goal was outsized for the time that you had.
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You're learning.
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And so it's not something that you have to say, "Well, you know, I'm bad at this.
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I did, it didn't work the first week, and so I'm bad at this.
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I'm not gonna do it anymore."
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And it's like, that's like what every, you know, second or third
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grader says on the first spelling or math test that they bomb.
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"Must be bad at it.
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Can't, can't get any farther.
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Let's just quit."
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And you wouldn't let your child do that, and you should not let yourself do that.
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You have to actually practice and try and figure out and grow in wisdom
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and discernment in deciding what you should be doing And seeing how it went.
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You want your plan, your daily card, and your dashboard, and your calendar to
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reflect your real work, your real job.
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You expand your capacity by going all in on the base responsibilities,
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and you work out from there.
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So then you have the daily card, that's â¦ There's a spot on the
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dashboard for that, and you'll see that there is, um, there's a, a running list
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on the side, a column of just blanks.
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These are, like, put â¦ Give yourselves options.
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What could you do this week in the margins?
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What needs to be done?
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Like, put some time into identifying 10 to 15-minute tasks that would
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make a difference, things you could do, things that you should do,
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things you've been procrastinating, and just keep that running list.
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So a running list, I like to think of as options.
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Because in the moment when the st- you know, whatever is done,
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too often the tempting thing is to say, "Well, I don't know what to do
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next, so I'll just open my phone.
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So I'll just, you know, do nothing."
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When we have a lot more we should be doing, but we haven't identified
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what it is, and we think, "Well, when I have time, I'll figure it out."
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But figuring it out or remembering is a whole separate deal.
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And when you have that time in the afternoon, you wanna just be able to
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do it without having to spend that filtering, thinking, identifying time.
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So during your weekly review, you will give yourself some options for work
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that needs to be done in bite-size baby step pieces, and then you have
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a go-to spot when there's time.
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And maybe you'll have a week where there isn't, and maybe you'll have a
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week where everything was canceled, and suddenly you have a free day,
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and you can knock out a whole bunch.
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But you'll get more done because you have identified it.
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You know what you're working on.
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You have options to focus on.
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Writing things down so that you aren't keeping things in your head
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frees your head to focus and think and really be engaged with the
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people and the work in front of you.
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And then you have a place to go.
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Or if something pops into your head and you're like, "Oh, wait,
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I totally forgot to do this.
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I need to go do this," you write it down.
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You have a place to write it down where you know you'll see it And we, I think,
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would have a lot, um, clearer mental space as mothers if we would just write things
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down instead of keeping them in our head.
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If you suffer from mental spiraling, and I'm not sure there are any of us
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that don't do that sometimes, writing things down is one of the basic things.
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Just like if you're, if you have headaches, like before you
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go to the doctor, you should try drinking water, right?
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You might just be dehydrated.
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You- we don't need to go jump all the way to the end of like, "I must have
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a medical condition that needs drugs."
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Like, well, how much water have you had?
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Writing things down is the equivalent of having a drink of water.
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Write things down.
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If you feel crazy in your head, just start writing things down and see what happens.
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You write it down, then you can think about it, you can pray about it, you can
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talk about it, instead of just letting it all fill up your brain space and stall
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you out you're making notes to yourself, you're learning along the way, and you are
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working toward increasing your capacity and enjoying the life that God is sending
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you day by day, by being engaged in it, by using the life that God is sending
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you to grow in wisdom and discernment
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You can end the day satisfied.
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You can enjoy.
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You can learn to love what must be done.
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You can enjoy your life at home, including the dishes and
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the meals and the everything.
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Speaker 2: You can get that free weekly dashboard I was mentioning by going to
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simplyconvivial dot com slash dashboard.
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That's simplyconvivial dot com slash dashboard to grab your
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copy of the weekly dashboard
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You'll also get a reminder to join me next time I go live