Latest / Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk / Farron Dozier Show -What is it to be Vulnerable for men

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Farron Dozier Show -What is it to be Vulnerable for men · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

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  The station where our veterans voices are heard.
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  Ah, there it is. You're tuned into the Fondos
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  Show on NB Radio dot US. French pop edition and live tour
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  sports. Catch me here Wednesday at 4:00
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  PM Pacific Time only on NB Radio dot US.
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  Something I got a good thing. It might work.
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  All right. Good evening.
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  Welcome to the Fondos Show on KCAA Radio 106.5 FM 1050 AM,
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  also streaming from the KCAA radio.com website and NBR Radio
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  dot US. We got to bless the show.
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  Before we get started, let's go. When it was in my mother's womb,
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  I had called me on my life to do something in the glory of God
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  and marry it like a wife, commit myself to His word and never be
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  LED astray. And when it's all over, when He
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  comes, I'll be glad to see that day in the morning time.
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  Hey, Mister man, how you doing? I'm good, man.
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  I'm good. Hey, did you see the game last
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  night? I was your game, but did you see
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  the shot? I lost money from that.
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  Oh man, that shot was. Old man, but it was good, yeah.
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  What's the name? You really want to know.
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  I do. Exhaustion.
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  Muscle spasm. Asthmatic.
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  Issues unexpected sickle cell trait typing.
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  Damn, are you serious? When I was young I found out I
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  had sickle cell trait. My mom's told me but I didn't
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  have no knowledge of it. But when I got older I had a
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  child. The doctor told me my daughter
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  had sickle cell trait. You know, the fact that both
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  parents have sickle cell trait, there's a 50% chance the child
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  may have the trait and 25% chance the child may have the
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  disease. And that's what's the count, Do
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  you know that 2.5 million people in the United States have sickle
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  cell trait? 300 million people globally.
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  I didn't find out I had sickle cell trait until I was in the
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  Army 10 years. Next thing you know, I had a
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  sickle cell trait, exertion site, April cell.
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  I thought that was a. Black gene or something?
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  Nah man, the black community is number 21 out of 36,000 babies
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  are being born with sickle cell disease.
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  It could be Caucasian, Mediterranean, European.
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  You gotta wear your bloodline man.
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  There is an inherited gene in our community that has been
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  forgotten. The name is sickle cell trait.
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  WDCONSCT, also known as What's the Count, is out to bring
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  awareness, education and prevention to people all over
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  the globe. Want more information?
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  Call us now at 323-215-5384 or visit WWW dot WDCON sct.org.
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  Do you remember studying sickle cell in biology class?
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  What's the count on? Sickle Cell Trait Prevention is
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  here to bring you awareness, education and prevention
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  conversations around the risk factors of this inherited gene.
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  Visit WDCON sct.org. Opinions expressed in this
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  program are those of the speakers and do not necessarily
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  reflect the views or positions of any entities they represent.
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  Find us on the web at MB Radio dot US.
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  Good evening. Welcome to the Fondos Show on
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  KCA. All right, good evening.
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  Welcome to the Fondos Show on KCAA Radio One O 6.5 FM 1050 AM,
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  also streaming from the KCAA radio.com website and NBR Radio
• 4:49
  dot US. We got to bless the show before
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  we get started. Let's go.
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  When it was in my mother's womb, I had a calling on the light to
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  do something in the glory of God and marry it like wife, commit
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  myself to His word and never be LED astray.
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  And when it's all over, when He comes, I'll be glad to see that
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  day in the morning. Time. 6.5 FM Timpathy M and
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  streaming at KC radio.com website to say something no
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  listener behind again, thank you for tuning in.
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  If you are driving in your you got to get out, type in
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  kcaradio.com, click listen live or watch live because we're
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  streaming live from the website in studio tonight.
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  on your phone, go download the app and you catch all the other
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  podcasts here Monday through Sunday.
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  However you language it, Monday through Monday, you can find
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  something to listen to or watch a night long.
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  Make sure you catch me on Wednesdays.
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  So that's tomorrow on the front door.
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  They show on the military broadcast radio network.
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  That's right, NB radio. I have a conversation tomorrow.
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  That's where I have most of my military talk shows
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  conversations, but we still mix them up into variety show.
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  So either way, you can find me here or there on Wednesdays at
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  4:00 PM Pacific Time. Let's see take care of some
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  community business. I'm still I don't know what's
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  happening, but the the the schedule has not been approved
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  yet. I got the dates.
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  We just wait for a couple more teams to get situated.
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  But you IE dogs will be in season this coming 20262027
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  season 4 home games, six of those.
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  So it's 1010 home games, 10 away games, 6 of going to be in
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  Lynnwood in the tournament style back-to-back Saturday, Sundays
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  and we got 4 actual home games. Right now we're working on the
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  Norton gym. But if you out there, whatever
• 6:56
  city in San Bernardino you want to, you want to host us as as a
• 6:59
  team in your gym. We are open to play anywhere in
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  the Inland Empire from San Marino County to Riverside
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  County, wherever we could play in the IE.
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  But right now we're working on the Norton gym to play there our
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  four home games. I have a lot going on tonight.
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  So we just going to go through the the sequence of the show
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  shots out. The coach LG, he will be calling
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  in. He's got practice with his
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  youth, so he's going to call in shortly.
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  But part of the ABA, the IE dogs, our conversation, we can
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  we take care of a few things. So personally is for the love of
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  dogs. My dog Daisy had to put her down
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  after 14 years. So I don't have the heart for
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  another pet. So I'm going to contribute my
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  time and bringing awareness and conversations to those animals,
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  those dogs that need foster care for the cats and the dogs.
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  There's a lot of stuff going on, spay and neuter, a lot of things
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  going on, especially in this county around the dogs and cats.
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  So we're going to use that conversation for dogs and cats
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  for the ABA. Of course, my sickle cell trade
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  and hydration campaign personal to me as well.
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  What else? Mental toughness, course,
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  Personal to me as well, Mental health, youth suicide, veteran
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  suicide, all those conversations, mental toughness.
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  But then there's space, right? It's not just what we care about
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  as an organization is what do you care about as a community?
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  Can you close that? Can you close that door?
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  Yeah. So we want to share our platform
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  with you is what I'm trying to say, right?
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  We care about what you care about.
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  So if you care about whatever, lupus, if it's a chronic
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  illness, if it's a cause. Jesse's here to share just some
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  of his experiences being around that community and those
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  children and adults. And so we're we're actually
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  adopting a part of that conversation around the foster
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  care children. And I say that for you to those
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  are listening for the relatedness, right?
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  You may have not been in a foster care program or foster
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  care system, but you may know someone you don't even really
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  know unless you they tell you because they don't walk around
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  with a badge, right. So, but my conversation to that
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  is how can I relate to that? So to be honest, if you look in
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  your life and you tell the truth, you know, to yourself
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  about how you grew up in your family, we hear conversations in
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  the world. You know, the blood is thicker
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  than water. A lot of people are not even
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  connect to their own families that they go, they got play
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  cousins and they got all these, you know, things that they talk
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  about. But what is that coming from?
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  It's, it's, it's coming from the space of disconnection.
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  It's coming from a space of a broken sense of belonging.
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  People, languages sometimes is on I'm the black sheet of the
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  family. Like you hear people talk about
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  how they describe their experience of their own
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  families, right. So Can you imagine if that's how
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  you feel about your own family? Low key, silently with suffering
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  silence. Can you imagine what it is to be
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  in a, in a foster care system where you have is, it boggles my
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  mind, 'cause you have, they have no family that they can go to,
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  right? And thank God that there are
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  people who in this program that want, that are willing to accept
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  the child that's not their own, right?
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  So you have all that different dynamics.
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  So why we're taking care of this conversation?
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  Because if we tell the truth, there's a lot of healing that we
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  needs to go on in all of us. And some people that are not
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  even connected to their own family that you are you, you,
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  you find close friends more than you find relationship with your
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  own personal family. So that experience might be
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  different in the foster care system, but it all boils down
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  back to what it is to be human and the sense of belonging.
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  And clearly, I would imagine that the child that's in foster
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  care, that their sense of belonging is fractured.
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  All right. And.
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  And. And so Jesse is here, man.
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  How you doing today, bro? Yeah.
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  I'm doing good. I'm doing good, man.
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  Thanks for having me. Yeah, yeah.
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  Appreciate you for hanging out for a little bit, man to, to, to
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  kind of give the, the listeners a sense of this conversation
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  that we're bringing to the table for some people might be a new
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  discussion. Some people might, of course,
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  we've heard about the foster care system, the programs, but
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  never really sat down and listened to someone.
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  So I know you have a, some experience in this world.
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  So when you hear that term, even foster care, like, what's what
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  comes to mind for you when you hear that term?
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  Yeah, I think exactly that just to to foster it, right.
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  So what does foster even mean? The way that I like to try to
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  explain it, a lot of the individuals that are trying to
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  just learn the system, it's just being empathetic and then just
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  trauma informed. I think a lot of times
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  individuals bypass that and they label children that are troubled
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  or they'll have higher behaviors compared to, you know, a kiddo
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  that was raised with their mom and dad.
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  And you know, they just kind of see them and they're already
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  just labeled as bad kids, bad kids, bad kids.
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  And you know, there's something called the labeling theory and
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  within that, you know, when somebody's labeled something, 9
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  times out of 10 they embrace that label and nine times out of
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  10, it's a negative label, you know what I mean?
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  So a lot of times these individuals are carry this this
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  label where they carry and they have a chip on the shoulder, you
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  know what I mean? So they go by life and then.
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  But yeah, no so. And I get that that now I'll
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  secure, I think that's a human, but that's a human being
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  experience. I think most of us deal with
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  some label growing up. Disconnection disengaged.
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  Yeah, for sure. As you kind of mentioned, you
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  know, you could grow up within your own home but still feel
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  disconnected within the individuals that you're residing
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  with. And then even then too, like
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  everyone deals with trauma differently.
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  You know what I mean? You could you could grow up with
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  your siblings and be in the same home.
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  You could you could be in a car accident with your, with your
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  spouse or whomever and each of you are going to deal with that
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  car accident differently. You know what I mean?
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  So matter being in the system, you know, you can't just there's
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  not just one way to fix and help it kiddo.
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  There's numerous of ways, you know what I mean?
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  So that's why, you know, just being part of numerous of
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  different programs and getting a lot of assistance within the
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  community has been beneficial to help, you know, help these
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  troubled youth. Yeah.
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  And again, so us, us as an organization, as eco athletics,
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  because we we get contracts and we go into the school districts,
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  create our own programs for leadership, social, emotional,
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  emotional intelligence and sports conditioning.
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  So with the ABA basketball team, that's one of our platforms that
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  we express those conversations within.
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  And so like I said, partner with the Bloomington Chambers,
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  getting these business involved, getting the community involved.
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  Our plan is to just have those children come to a game for
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  free. So businesses, we're going to
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  give it all. We're not, we're not charging,
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  we're going to give everything away.
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  Find some resources to invite to that table and some fun things
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  as well, right? So they can have an opportunity
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  to. Because I, I believe first of
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  all, you got to create this connection, right?
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  There's a lot of trust, confidence level issues that
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  you're dealing with with the children.
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  If you want, can you touch on that?
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  Yeah, I think I had a great opportunity two weeks ago with
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  the shout out to the CFSIOP team because they took about 30 youth
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  bowling. Oh, no way.
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  Yes, bowling at the was it the strike X off of Arrowhead and
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  the porn show? Yeah, So and and some of the
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  youth were 20, some of the youth were 18, some of the youth were
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  16 years old and it was their first time bowling, you know
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  what I mean? So it's just like giving them
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  that opportunity to live like a normal life, you know what I
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  mean? And just engaging those like
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  what we take for granted opportunities of just to all
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  like, 'cause I could go and pick up my kids right now and be
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  like, we're going to go bowling and they're going to think
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  nothing of it. Like, yeah, you know what I
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  mean? But like other kiddos there,
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  they were there and they were just so, just so you could just
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  see the euphoria, you know, you know what I mean?
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  And just like, man, 'cause they were, they just, they didn't
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  even know how to RIP the ball, you know what I mean?
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  So man, I look like an All Star over there and I, I'm trash at
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  bowling, you know what I mean? But like, just being able to
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  take them out and, and given that opportunity from the CFSIOP
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  team was amazing. It was an amazing opportunity.
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  I forgot what your question. Was yeah, but it's, it's, it's
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  that whole thing right there, right?
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  It's it's being able to connect and build that confidence,
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  right? Build that trust with that
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  youth, you know, because like you said, being in that program,
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  I hate to point to the program because I believe it's a human
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  being experience that we all experience.
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  Some of that disconnected the sense of belonging, wanted to be
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  accepted. And but then being in the
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  program like that, where you, I can't even imagine, bro, like
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  that's, that's a different world for me.
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  Yeah, yeah, I see. I see a lot of it where like a
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  lot of you, they just struggle with like some of those soft
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  skills and just being able to engage with one another, you
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  know what I mean? A lot of them just completely
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  disengaged where like though they're in in the community.
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  That's cool, that's good and we're we're getting them out,
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  but I don't they just don't even know how to interact.
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  They don't even know how to converse, you know what I mean?
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  So like. And that's what we want to step
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  in. We want to step in that space so
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  that we can read our bring our conversations to the table and
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  allow that natural, organic dialogue to transpire.
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  And I think giving them the opportunity to attend some of
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  the ABA games is just going to give them new life and then just
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  show them a new experience of life because a lot of them get
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  stuck in the world of Foster because like a lot of them too,
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  unfortunately, I mean, gratefully so.
• 17:45
  But they're they're man, they're it's just every day of the week.
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  There's it's somebody, whether they're ISFC, they're getting a
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  ISFC and home support counselor, they're getting a wrap around
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  team, they're getting a BATBS, whatever the whatever services
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  that they're getting. It's like every day.
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  Because it's part of the program.
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  Because it's part of the program because of behaviors and then
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  what not those you know the behaviors are there and it is
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  trauma informed and and you know it's best practice, but they're
• 18:09
  not able to engage in. Just be.
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  Just be a. Child, you know what I mean like
• 18:13
  how often, you know, like I was telling my Mandy, when was the
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  last time you just went and rode your bike, you know what I mean?
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  Just like little things like that and it's like man, they're
• 18:20
  not really able to do so just 'cause they're just so confined
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  based off of the system, which understand like of course, thank
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  you. You know what I mean?
• 18:27
  Thank you because like we need that we need we need those you
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  know I used to be Atbs coach. I used to be in rap around.
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  I used to you know what I mean? I used to do all that, but just
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  being able to provide them that opportunity to just be a normal
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  kid, you know what I mean? Like that it's one of the most
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  beautiful things to see just in life.
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  Like when I just see a kid be a kid, especially the kid that
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  that we know if I'm if I'm going to do a a in home check or in
• 18:49
  home, you know, in home visits or whatever the case is like
• 18:52
  just seeing the kid be a kid. Before I let you go, one of the
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  biggest things for for me is that transition at that age
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  where they going to leave that foster care house 18 years old,
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  whatever that is. Where do, where do they go from
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  there? Do they, most people think
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  they're just going to be put out on the street, but there are
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  programs available, right, that can help that child transition
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  into a transitional home or can you share that real quick a
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  little bit about that? Yeah, yeah, for sure.
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  Yeah. So six months prior, 17 1/2,
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  well, technically, you know, let me backtrack.
• 19:24
  So once they turn 16 years old, we can start introducing it to a
• 19:28
  program that's called ILS. So independent life skills.
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  Once we start teaching them the independent life skills, they
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  are in our IOP Independent Living program.
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  So then from there we'll start applying to numerous of
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  different programs out there, which is called THP transitional
• 19:44
  housing program and that'll get them housed from 18 till 21, the
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  same thing we have to keep them in extended foster care, EFC and
• 19:53
  ensure that they're in compliance, so.
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  With all same classes, same checks.
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  Yeah, with that is a lot of just life skills and just, you know,
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  applying for jobs. What is applying?
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  What is opening a bank account looks like?
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  What if you know what I mean? Just doing those things, taking
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  them out in the community. Just, you know, being.
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  An adult. So that that's just, that's a
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  lot of our day-to-day. That's the day of day.
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  Yeah. Jesse's life.
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  I I hope y'all out here listening ABA, our basketball
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  program, the IE dogs ABA on Instagram.
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  That's that's where we're taking care of this season.
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  And it may not just be for this season.
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  This might be just one of the programs programs we adopt.
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  Because for me, that is something that I had to do as an
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  adult, 40 years old, to go back and heal my relationship with my
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  parents, you know, and just my own.
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  All the stories that I made-up, all the labels, you know, all
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  that stuff that we do it as, as, as people, I hope we're not.
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  Those are people in that foster care system.
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  Those are those children are going to be men and women,
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  adults and they're going to grow up, right?
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  So how can we help that conversation?
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  So I'm looking forward to it, man.
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  I appreciate you for coming to hang out with me today.
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  I have you come back and get some more details when we're
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  when we can get to that next part of that level.
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  All right, this is the front dose show.
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  Jesse was here. Thank you, man.
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  Shouts out to Fernie Angel at the BCC.
• 21:00
  Check out the Bloomington Chambers of Commerce.
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  I'm the director of community connection.
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  So if you want to hook up with us, I'm over there too.
• 21:07
  This is the front dose show. KC Radio One O 6.5 FM 1050 M
• 21:11
  Charlotte Southwest account. What's the name?
• 21:47
  You really want to know. Exhaustion, Muscle spasm.
• 21:55
  Asthmatic issues. Uninfected.
• 21:57
  Sickle cell tray Kitan. Are.
• 22:00
  You serious? When I was young I found out I
• 22:02
  had sickle cell tray. My mom's told me but I didn't
• 22:05
  have no knowledge of it. But when I got older, I had a
• 22:07
  child. The doctor told me my daughter
• 22:09
  had sickle cell tray. Do you know the fact that both
• 22:12
  parents have sickle cell trait? There's a 50% chance the child
• 22:15
  may have the trait and 25% chance the child may have the
• 22:18
  disease. And that's what's the count.
• 22:20
  Do you know that 225,000,000 people in the United States have
• 22:22
  sickle cell trait? 300 million people globally.
• 22:25
  I didn't find out I had sickle cell trait until I was in the
• 22:27
  Army 10 years. Next thing you know I had a
• 22:29
  sickle cell trait exertion site. I thought that was a black Gen.
• 22:34
  or something. Nah man, the black community is
• 22:36
  number 21 out of 36,000 babies are being born with sickle cell
• 22:39
  disease. You could be Caucasian,
• 22:41
  Mediterranean, European, you don't know the bloodline man.
• 22:47
  There is an inherited gene in our community that has been
• 22:49
  forgotten. The name is sickle cell trait.
• 22:52
  WDCONSCT, also known as What's The Count, is out to bring
• 22:57
  awareness, education and prevention to people all over
• 23:00
  the globe. Want more information?
• 23:02
  Call us now at 323-215-5384 or visit www.wdconsct.org. 5:00 FM,
• 23:23
  10:50 AM and streaming at kcawid.com.
• 23:26
  I need y'all to shift over a little bit so my man could be in
• 23:29
  the screen Center, center, center ourself.
• 23:35
  Yeah, there you go see. Look at yourself in the way
• 23:36
  there you go there we go All right, listen on the radio.
• 23:40
  Yes, we are on camera in the station.
• 23:42
  Go to the website click. Listen live.
• 23:43
  Watch live. So if you watched RU one, we had
• 23:49
  a pretty decent conversation that night.
• 23:51
  I think it led to a lot of just a lot of relationship.
• 23:55
  I mean we were all strangers here.
• 23:56
  I don't I don't I didn't know these gentlemen.
• 23:58
  And so, you know, we left that episode like, you know, wanted
• 24:02
  to have another dialogue. So here we are.
• 24:06
  Adam, where are you? Part 2 pastor here couple
• 24:12
  weekends a couple of Tuesdays ago.
• 24:14
  And I asked him sitting next to me, what is it?
• 24:16
  You know, when you hear that conversation, What is it being
• 24:18
  mailman? And his answer was right in
• 24:21
  alignment with with, with what I've been listening for from the
• 24:25
  last since March, since we started this shout out to Mr.
• 24:28
  Walker, who was in surgery. We were praying for you, bro.
• 24:31
  We, we holding it down for you, Mr. Walker.
• 24:33
  So get well and shouts out to Charlie and Angelica.
• 24:39
  But yeah, Pastor Lou was like, viable.
• 24:43
  That's what it is to be a male. So in this Part 2 episode, we
• 24:49
  going straight there. We, we don't have a lot of time.
• 24:52
  We don't I, I want, I, I got some direct questions I want to
• 24:55
  ask and I'm, I hope that you gentlemen are opening up enough
• 24:59
  to just share where you are with these with these questions, But
• 25:05
  do me a favor, reintroduce yourself and then we'll get
• 25:07
  started. Reno Valley Scholar.
• 25:16
  All. Right.
• 25:19
  Cool. Yeah, Joshua Mug, Same thing.
• 25:22
  Moreno Valley Scholar, also owner, operator of Move it
• 25:26
  already moving company. You can check that out on
• 25:28
  Facebook, Instagram, Google, all of the above.
• 25:32
  Shout out to my boy for Ron you. Know.
• 25:34
  Mr. Randy and We're Here Finish the Race Foundation.
• 25:38
  All right gentlemen, so we got a good school right to it.
• 25:41
  No holds back bars. Pastor Lou brought up the
• 25:45
  perfect for me with the perfect answer to what is being mailman,
• 25:50
  He said. Being vulnerable.
• 25:52
  What's your response to being vulnerable as a mailman?
• 25:57
  I definitely understand that because especially as a black
• 26:00
  man, you're constantly under attack.
• 26:02
  You're constantly living in the state of vulnerability,
• 26:06
  especially. Hold on.
• 26:08
  I don't want you to. I want you to say make it
• 26:09
  personal. Oh.
• 26:10
  Make it. Yeah, not as a we not we don't
• 26:12
  generalize conversations. OK.
• 26:13
  For you, what is it to be vulnerable as a mailman?
• 26:17
  What does that look like? Is that difficult?
• 26:18
  Is it cool? Is it?
• 26:23
  It's not cool. From my personal experience,
• 26:26
  it's not cool even when people tell me it's cool.
• 26:29
  Vulnerability has always been weaponized against me.
• 26:31
  People use my vulnerability as a tactic or as a ploy to attack
• 26:36
  me, my character, or just who I am as a person.
• 26:40
  Appreciate you. Thank you, Mr. Mr. Vulnerable
• 26:42
  into the mic you gotta come to. The mic, I don't.
• 26:44
  I don't like that word. OK, give me some what?
• 26:46
  Give me some feedback I. Like being vulnerable.
• 26:50
  I'm trying to figure out the you're.
• 26:51
  Not ready? OK, I'm going to let you
• 26:53
  marinate on it. You can steal people's answers
• 26:56
  too. You know, for me just being
• 27:01
  married and I have to be vulnerable because I got kids
• 27:04
  looking up to me. So when I, when I got it, when I
• 27:08
  in that, in that moment of vulnerability, I learned like
• 27:11
  what type of dad I am, what type of man I am.
• 27:13
  So it's not easy to be vulnerable, but I accept it
• 27:17
  because it's, I've been growing from that stage.
• 27:19
  I, I, I used to be vulnerable. I, I'll turn up in a minute, but
• 27:23
  I can't do that with my kids, you know what I'm saying?
• 27:25
  And once they see that I can't control my emotions or I can't
• 27:31
  be, you know, go down to their level and, and see what they
• 27:34
  need, then I'm not going to grow.
• 27:38
  So so. I'm going to be straight up I'm
• 27:41
  with all y'all. I gave up being vulnerable at 14
• 27:44
  and that was because of a junior high school breakup with this
• 27:47
  girl. And now as a 14 year old, I'm, I
• 27:50
  don't even, I don't even know what vulnerable meant.
• 27:52
  I, I don't even know where my mind, how my mind even landed on
• 27:54
  that. But all I know the pain and the
• 27:57
  emotion that I felt when I found out that she was going to leave
• 28:01
  me for some other dude. And I went back to her and asked
• 28:04
  her to give me one more chance like Biggie.
• 28:06
  And she was like, no, you're not the guy from me.
• 28:09
  My mind landed on I'm not going to be vulnerable.
• 28:11
  And I have to defend myself in relationships.
• 28:13
  Now I'm 14 years old. You know when I figured that
• 28:16
  out, a glimpse of it at 40. So Can you imagine how my
• 28:20
  relationships turned out at 4, from 14 to 42, failed marriages,
• 28:25
  broken relationships, not vulnerable.
• 28:28
  I hate, I hated that word. I didn't even use that word
• 28:32
  because of of the experience that came with it in that
• 28:35
  survival state of a young teenage child.
• 28:38
  Yeah, and I and I feel some people take your own ability as
• 28:41
  a weakness. Some people prey on that.
• 28:44
  Some people feel he never been through that.
• 28:45
  So I'll go put him through that. He open to that, not knowing
• 28:50
  about that, you know what I'm saying?
• 28:51
  So I feel like the we're the same way with you as far as with
• 28:54
  the. Relationships.
• 28:56
  Relationships and so forth. Seeing others being my
• 29:00
  partner's, being vulnerable and seeing what happened them from
• 29:03
  being vulnerable. I'm like, Oh no.
• 29:05
  But, but, but at the same time, you know what I'm saying?
• 29:09
  We grew up in the in the in the hood.
• 29:11
  So we couldn't be vulnerable on that level because it was
• 29:14
  predators out there, you know what I'm saying?
• 29:16
  You know what I'm saying? So the difference I see in the
• 29:19
  vulnerable of being a man, vulnerable with your family and
• 29:23
  with your kids is different. You know what I'm saying?
• 29:25
  I'm vulnerable to the kids before it's outside of that.
• 29:29
  I'm hoping one doctor be vulnerable to the wife.
• 29:31
  That's probably about the only thing I'd probably be vulnerable
• 29:33
  to is the wife, you know what I'm saying?
• 29:34
  Other than that, you know. So, so for me that one of the
• 29:38
  keywords of, of, of being vulnerable, it's, it's being
• 29:43
  able to be OK with the wilderness to despite of the
• 29:48
  rejection and disappointment. See a lot of times we think that
• 29:52
  we can avoid being disappointed, but you can't.
• 29:55
  It's going to happen, right. So as a man, and so as I asked
• 29:59
  the question since March, what is it to be a male man?
• 30:03
  Every 99% of the people have said protector and provider.
• 30:08
  And my this conversation is about the ingredients of what is
• 30:11
  being the old man, right? If we're the foundation of the
• 30:13
  family, not the roof, but the foundation and the foundation of
• 30:17
  your house is made-up of all kind of ingredients, barbed
• 30:20
  wire, asphalt, right, all concrete.
• 30:23
  So for us as men, we have to be able to look at our foundation
• 30:29
  of our emotional state. So if I'm a provider as a man,
• 30:33
  but I'm upset providing what is that?
• 30:35
  What is my partner's experience going to be on me?
• 30:38
  She's going to experience the frustration I'm providing, but
• 30:41
  I'm frustrated. I'm I'm I'm protecting, but I'm
• 30:44
  angry. So for me, the activity of what
• 30:48
  is being male is the protector and the provider and whatever
• 30:51
  that means, because I that could be mean that can be something
• 30:54
  different than all four of us. What is be protecting and
• 30:56
  provider, but across the board, what is our ingredients, right?
• 31:01
  And and if I can be vulnerable as an ingredients, there also
• 31:07
  has to be a way that I have to be to be being vulnerable.
• 31:11
  And I have to get some skills, some knowledge to understand
• 31:13
  that. Hey, you know what I live from 2
• 31:15
  years old, avoiding being disappointed in my mom, two
• 31:20
  years old. That's how far I can go back and
• 31:21
  remember that. So a lot of it happens into our
• 31:25
  experiences of our families, of our mom and dad or uncle or
• 31:29
  whatever that is. What can you look and see where
• 31:32
  your vulnerability got corrupted or got fractured?
• 31:36
  Is there a spot? Definitely, I can agree with you
• 31:41
  when it comes down to my mother, my father, and then more
• 31:46
  recently even like my daughter's where the vulnerability got
• 31:50
  corrupted just because the way women have used my children as
• 31:56
  weapons against me in terms of things that, you know, they were
• 32:00
  able to manipulate my kids into saying, you know, certain things
• 32:05
  or even when it comes down to betrayal, you know, and I felt
• 32:09
  that from my children, which is something like I said, when it
• 32:12
  comes down to being vulnerable, I feel like I've experienced it
• 32:16
  being weaponized against me and you know, all across the board
• 32:19
  from any and every way from family, friendships to even
• 32:23
  children. So, you know, vulnerability is
• 32:26
  something that I definitely struggle with just 'cause I know
• 32:29
  how that moment can be used against you and flipped against
• 32:34
  you to do harm to you, right? So, and, and so a lot of people
• 32:39
  that I hear in conversations, they use the word, I want to be,
• 32:42
  I want you to be transparent, right?
• 32:45
  So I, I, I look at the word and, and a lot of, a lot, a lot of
• 32:49
  times, you know, out of the mouth comes the issues of life.
• 32:53
  So for if a person tells me that they're looking for somebody to
• 32:56
  be transparent and to be vulnerable, that's because they
• 32:58
  are broken in that space. So I want you to show me your
• 33:01
  transparency first, then I'll show you mine, right.
• 33:05
  But but. But at the same time, my wife,
• 33:08
  she always use that word be transparent with kids, like,
• 33:11
  because I'm like, OK, this is what I say and this is how I
• 33:16
  want to go. But you said it before, that's
• 33:19
  not a relationship. Yeah.
• 33:20
  You're not building a relationship.
• 33:22
  You know, I'm saying the transparency is building a
• 33:24
  relationship, showing them, OK, I want you to do it this way,
• 33:27
  but This is why I want you to do it this way.
• 33:29
  Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So I think I learned that word
• 33:32
  and I like to use it now because.
• 33:33
  Transparent. Transparent.
• 33:35
  Be transparent, yeah. You know, and that's what I'm
• 33:37
  saying when I, when I, when I told myself I'm not going to be
• 33:39
  vulnerable at 14, I, I, you couldn't pay me to be
• 33:42
  vulnerable. I, and I didn't know that at the
• 33:45
  time, but I, that's what I live from.
• 33:47
  And then as I, as I discovered that word at 40 and, and the
• 33:50
  trauma that came with it is like I got to find another word that
• 33:53
  gives me my power back because I'm not vulnerable.
• 33:56
  And I had to start to examine myself and figure out what word
• 33:59
  am I going to use that gives me that same experience that I can
• 34:03
  be open and honest but not use the word vulnerable.
• 34:08
  You'll see vulnerable, I think it came with, it comes with that
• 34:11
  type of energy. It's like, oh, if you'd be
• 34:13
  vulnerable, then you this and that.
• 34:15
  That's I think that's what the culture put.
• 34:17
  Come on, I need some feedback, bro.
• 34:20
  Where, where do you, where do you remember that vulnerability
• 34:23
  being a fracture? And you like, you know what?
• 34:25
  I don't like that I'm not. And others from watching others.
• 34:30
  Sometimes you can learn a lot from watching other people being
• 34:35
  vulnerable and letting their guard down and loving and and
• 34:40
  just seeing how you know some people don't want to be loved.
• 34:43
  You be vulnerable and and and love someone that's it's like
• 34:48
  you didn't you didn't put your all into it and let that guard
• 34:52
  down and it's like you did that for nothing.
• 34:55
  So from seeing that it's just like damn *** didn't doing
• 34:58
  everything right, let his guard down to be vulnerable.
• 35:03
  For sure. And shit what it add up to?
• 35:05
  Yeah, and, and and it goes back, you know, for me again, you
• 35:09
  know, we talked, we talked about Adam.
• 35:10
  So we going back to the, to the fall.
• 35:12
  If you look at Adam for, for my interpretation, it's shame,
• 35:19
  embarrassment, disappointment and A-OF blame, right?
• 35:23
  That's that. Those were the first strongholds
• 35:25
  for for me. When I look at that and I read
• 35:26
  that and I apply that to my life.
• 35:28
  I lived a lot of my life avoiding those same things,
• 35:32
  disappointment, shame and embarrassment.
• 35:35
  And then we blame other people we see and our language
• 35:39
  fractures us because whatever you saw that go through that
• 35:41
  person's life that was labeled as vulnerable.
• 35:45
  We don't even know if that was or not right?
• 35:47
  So our language is also are trapped because how we describe
• 35:52
  an episode that we see on TV and get 4 different perspectives.
• 35:56
  And for me, it might be vulnerable for you, it might be
• 35:58
  something else him and and so even we got to understand how
• 36:01
  our brain operates and sometimes how we language stuff and
• 36:04
  describe it may not be the best word to describe that episode.
• 36:09
  And that becomes and as as a mind of a child, you got to look
• 36:13
  at that a child's perception is open.
• 36:17
  But I feel like when it comes down to, you know, we're talking
• 36:21
  about vulnerability, I feel like the biggest thing is that is
• 36:25
  knowing who, how, when and where you can even be vulnerable
• 36:31
  'cause you can't be vulnerable with everybody.
• 36:34
  You can't be vulnerable in every space, you know?
• 36:37
  Because those things can bring harm not only on just your life,
• 36:41
  but the people who you care about 'cause if you're
• 36:43
  vulnerable, coming from a place of hurt, talking about someone
• 36:47
  who's hurt you, you don't know how that's going to get back to
• 36:49
  that person from, you know, that moment of vulnerability.
• 36:54
  And like I said, it's just you have to also have some
• 36:57
  discernment in whether or not you're in the space to be
• 37:01
  vulnerable. So, so the issue is I'm going to
• 37:04
  take it to the I'm going to put off another layer that's
• 37:06
  vulnerable. You, you can't, I can't show you
• 37:09
  my vulnerability. That's what I'm I'm, I'm, I'm
• 37:12
  vulnerable. I was right to say it's a
• 37:13
  description. How somebody.
• 37:15
  How somebody going to know that you vulnerable?
• 37:17
  Exactly. I could be vulnerable right now
• 37:19
  just because, just like how we was just talking about our dads.
• 37:22
  Our dad show passes like. I don't, I don't know he's
• 37:25
  vulnerable. He don't know I'm because I'm
• 37:27
  I'm seeing a strong man. So I'm not going to take the
• 37:30
  word vulnerable and be like, OK, he's vulnerable.
• 37:32
  I'm like, OK, he's he's, he's being real with me right now.
• 37:36
  I don't know he's vulnerable though.
• 37:37
  You know what? I'm saying and and that's the
• 37:40
  that's the other layer of that conversation is it's a
• 37:42
  descriptive yes, it's we use it at to describe life.
• 37:46
  But what is behind that vulnerability is the fear of
• 37:49
  being. I think somebody said something
• 37:52
  again, shame, embarrassed, disappointment, slander, judged.
• 37:56
  Like there's a lot of emotional stuff that comes with that.
• 38:00
  Not being vulnerable because of an experience that I felt that I
• 38:04
  made-up, that maybe it wasn't because I asked the other person
• 38:09
  questions to find out what that was.
• 38:12
  I just walk away with that. I'm not going to be vulnerable
• 38:14
  like I did. With the girl, but OK, but see,
• 38:16
  but even within, did you think that you was being vulnerable?
• 38:19
  I was 14 when she was assuming you just being yourself.
• 38:21
  I was 14. That wasn't that wasn't.
• 38:23
  You know, you had no idea, no idea.
• 38:25
  You didn't know you were being. You went all in with no, with
• 38:28
  with no with no. You know what I'm saying?
• 38:30
  Right. But but that's what I'm saying.
• 38:32
  We make these decisions and these, these perceptions early.
• 38:36
  Yeah. Earl.
• 38:38
  I just told you if I was 2, how was how would I know to even
• 38:42
  make that up at 2 years old, at 14, I'm I'm a teenager, bro.
• 38:45
  But our mind, we have to understand.
• 38:47
  That's why I'm pointing at our ingredients is our personality,
• 38:50
  your character, your behavior, your body language that shows up
• 38:53
  more. That's the first thing people
• 38:56
  see. And if as a male man, we talk
• 38:59
  about having babies and wives and girlfriends and we haven't
• 39:03
  even discovered that for our own self, but we're, we're looking
• 39:06
  for that from her to give it to us.
• 39:07
  But I'm not going to give you mine because I know what that
• 39:09
  feels like. So you show me yours first.
• 39:12
  I think when it comes down to because going back to just the
• 39:17
  word vulnerability, I don't think we call it that.
• 39:20
  I think it's more so we say we being real.
• 39:22
  I'm keeping it 100 with you right now.
• 39:24
  You know what I mean? I'm I'm being real with you.
• 39:26
  Right now. So, you know, even when it comes
• 39:29
  down to all right, we may not be able to identify it or we may
• 39:35
  not identify it with the word vulnerability.
• 39:37
  But in the expression of you telling someone, you
• 39:40
  communicating to them like, hey, even the word transparent, like
• 39:45
  a the, the way that the word vulnerability, because some
• 39:48
  people don't even know how to use vulnerability to the to the
• 39:52
  capability of it's coming from an emotional place of being
• 39:55
  vulnerable in terms of my emotions, you know, so.
• 39:58
  I I need to my guys here. You're quiet bro.
• 40:00
  Try to get up. Don't forget time there bro.
• 40:14
  Waiting on me. We put in the Band-Aid.
• 40:15
  Stuff tonight, Yeah, let me, let me.
• 40:19
  Ask you a question. If if you had to think of three
• 40:21
  things that you wanted to thank your mother for, what would you
• 40:24
  thank your mom for right now? For being 11A conditional level,
• 40:31
  being there always when I when I need her so supportive and
• 40:35
  whatever I'll do, right or wrong, she will support me.
• 40:37
  You know what I'm saying? She'll holla at me later.
• 40:38
  But we just started to talk about the support and everything
• 40:41
  I do just being a mother, definition of a mother.
• 40:44
  Is there three things that you can you can thank your father
• 40:46
  for? Oh man, for being a hustler,
• 40:49
  being very supportive, my pops go get her.
• 40:56
  He ain't for the lay down for nothing.
• 40:57
  He went through a whole lot of he just just just being just a
• 41:01
  man's man. So let me ask you this question
• 41:04
  from you to your mother. What would you ask your mother
• 41:07
  to forgive you for for how you treated her?
• 41:12
  Forgive me for her, God, that's why I forgive me for her, but
• 41:19
  she's forgive me for anything. So you had that conversation
• 41:23
  with her? Oh, yeah, Yeah.
• 41:25
  What was one of the things that you had to go back and say?
• 41:27
  You know what, Mom? I'm actually to forgive me for
• 41:28
  my behavior around AB and. Stress, I put it through a lot
• 41:32
  of a lot of stress, a lot of stress.
• 41:33
  She worries. She didn't worry many nights cry
• 41:35
  many nights. Pray me nice for me.
• 41:37
  So I forgive her for that just being just send it through all
• 41:42
  the stress. Now can you, can you see how
• 41:45
  some of that portrays out to you, to your, to your peoples?
• 41:51
  Far as. Far as the stuff that you feel
• 41:54
  like because I'm looking for that vulnerability right are you
• 41:57
  and you don't like that word so how do you express your
• 41:59
  vulnerability to to the people that you care about your.
• 42:03
  Loved ones, they know I love them.
• 42:04
  I could be vulnerable to them, My family, those that's
• 42:09
  vulnerable to me, I should say. Yeah.
• 42:10
  And then how do you cut it? How do you cut it off?
• 42:15
  It's just like you can't trust everyone.
• 42:17
  Yeah. So it goes back to trust.
• 42:19
  So I like that. I like that.
• 42:20
  So I can I can relate to. That so he identifies the
• 42:22
  vulnerability with the. Trust.
• 42:23
  Yeah, I I appreciate that. Thank you.
• 42:26
  Thank you. Is my call.
• 42:28
  Is my coach calling yet? No, not yet.
• 42:30
  OK, I got I got a segment for the coach.
• 42:32
  So again, for you, my guy, is there something that when you
• 42:36
  look at your mom's that you want to look and say, hey mom,
• 42:38
  forgive me for my behavior around AB and C?
• 42:44
  Yeah, no, just like what he said, stress, not being
• 42:52
  vulnerable and just excluding, excluding her from a lot of
• 43:00
  things that having were taking place in my life and her having
• 43:06
  to find out things the way that she did and just yeah, not
• 43:10
  hearing stuff from me. I I had to forgive my mom for I
• 43:14
  feel like my mom abandoned me. I feel like she didn't listen to
• 43:17
  me and I felt like she didn't love me and I had to go back.
• 43:21
  But that was 40, 56 now. But that was those key things
• 43:25
  that I had to look back and was like, man, my mom did everything
• 43:28
  she could with what she had. And I still acted like this
• 43:32
  because of the mind of a child. And those fears and that and a
• 43:36
  lot of stuff that, again, those stories that I made-up were not
• 43:39
  even the truth. They were my truth.
• 43:40
  But it wasn't the truth. You got something for your
• 43:42
  mom's? You know what?
• 43:44
  Honestly, I've always been vulnerable with my mom.
• 43:47
  She I've always. What did you have to ask her for
• 43:50
  to for you to forgive from? Nothing, because I always I was,
• 43:56
  I was the son. I, I didn't, I didn't hide.
• 43:59
  I didn't. It's not that I did hide
• 44:01
  anything from her, but she can see that I tried to do my best
• 44:05
  so I never. But you treated her I'm.
• 44:07
  Saying I treated, I treated her like the I, I, I just both of my
• 44:11
  parents, I with regardless of how they acted, I never took my
• 44:16
  personal, you know, whatever I felt on them because she was a
• 44:21
  single mom, she had to see deal with the best she could do.
• 44:23
  This is This is why I love this guy because you get, you get 4
• 44:26
  different versions, right? See, we all got different
• 44:29
  experience and not everybody has an issue with their mom and dad,
• 44:32
  which is cool. But at the same time, sometimes
• 44:35
  we need to hear that, you know what, I can have a relation with
• 44:38
  my mom and dad. I can communicate, I can go to
• 44:40
  them for forgiveness because it frees you up.
• 44:44
  But a lot of those stories, we carry those stories man.
• 44:47
  And then as men, it's becomes a part of our ingredients.
• 44:51
  I'm loving, I'm kind, but I'm angry, I'm pissed off, I'm
• 44:55
  frustrated. I'm not vulnerable.
• 44:57
  Then who knows what she's going to get depending on when the
• 45:01
  pressure happens, when the pressure comes on.
• 45:04
  And so I'm saying for the, for this episode, I'm saying that
• 45:08
  it's not about what we do as males only.
• 45:10
  It's who we be. We're human beings, not human
• 45:13
  doings. So I can be a protector and a
• 45:16
  provider, but I could be a person who's upset and
• 45:19
  frustrated as a provider and causing harm to my family and
• 45:23
  not even realizing, well, I'm doing best I can and and I'm not
• 45:26
  getting no acknowledgement from my family.
• 45:28
  But who, who thinks their foundation when they go home at
• 45:30
  night? Oh, thank you foundation for
• 45:31
  holding up the the house. Nobody thinks the foundation,
• 45:35
  but that's the part of that house.
• 45:37
  If that bad boy is cracked, they can tear your house down from a
• 45:39
  crack foundation. So if we're the foundation and
• 45:42
  we're cracked, we've got to go inside and figure out what are
• 45:45
  those cracks and if vulnerable, not being vulnerable is 11 is
• 45:49
  enough. Yeah, what about asking Dad what
• 45:55
  to forgive him for? Oh yeah, that's, that's that,
• 45:57
  you know, that's see, that's, that's yeah, I'm with you with,
• 46:01
  with pops. You know what I'm saying?
• 46:03
  I can. I never got to ask pops like
• 46:08
  why? Because it was like I we cream
• 46:11
  up. It was like don't ask no
• 46:12
  questions. So it's like you sit in the car.
• 46:15
  If you see something, you know what I'm saying?
• 46:16
  You going to keep it? You know, I seen him, you know,
• 46:18
  not to, you know, put put that on my pocket, but you know, he
• 46:22
  come give me. I'm you know, I'm happy to see
• 46:24
  pots like I was telling you, I'm happy to see you got a woman in
• 46:27
  the car. I'm not.
• 46:28
  I ain't going to call me bro. Say nothing to him.
• 46:32
  I'm hot, though. I didn't see you in three
• 46:34
  months, You know what I'm saying?
• 46:36
  You came up saying you got the thing in the I got to get to the
• 46:40
  two people. We go see the book.
• 46:43
  I'm tripping. You know what I'm?
• 46:45
  Saying that's, that's disappointed.
• 46:46
  Yeah, I was, I was disappointed, you know what I'm saying?
• 46:48
  But I, I never, I, I never said in it because I just, I kept my
• 46:51
  mouth closed. That was just like, OK, I took
• 46:54
  my, I took my, I took my stuff out on the streets.
• 46:56
  Like, OK, I'm I'm outside with it like like I'm like you I'm
• 47:01
  I'm be cool with them all, cool with pasta.
• 47:03
  Oh, but the homies going to get it.
• 47:04
  Yeah, let me, let me, let me take.
• 47:07
  I appreciate y'all again from from what I'm listening and what
• 47:10
  I'm hearing that the the not being vulnerable definitely can
• 47:14
  come from trust disappointment. I I think those are enough
• 47:19
  ingredient 1 is enough. And and when I learn from
• 47:22
  myself, even around trust and confidence that the Bible, when
• 47:26
  I go to the word, it says put your trust in the Lord and have
• 47:30
  confidence in man. And that gave me the freedom
• 47:33
  from my spiritual context to look at my soul and be like,
• 47:37
  well, in my my mind, willing emotions can't comprehend being
• 47:40
  vulnerable because of the survival state of mind and all
• 47:43
  the stuff that we carry from those emotional fractures.
• 47:46
  But I'm if I put my spirit to lead my life now.
• 47:50
  So I'm letting the spirit stuff context lead.
• 47:54
  And so if the word says have confidence in man, then I got to
• 47:57
  go measure my confidence, but in measure my confidence in myself,
• 48:01
  I'm not vulnerable to myself 100%.
• 48:05
  I'm not 100% confidence. So if I give up trust in my in
• 48:09
  my soul for trying to understand what trust is and I say, OK, let
• 48:12
  me go to confidence in my mind, then if I tell the truth, I'm
• 48:15
  not 100% confidence. I'm about 8% confidence in
• 48:18
  myself. So what is that 20% that I don't
• 48:21
  have the confidence that might be what I'm putting in front of
• 48:24
  y'all that you better not speak to that 20%, right?
• 48:27
  So cuz I'm gonna fight you if you point that out of my lack of
• 48:30
  confidence, right? Right.
• 48:32
  It's a problem. So I'm saying maybe we have to
• 48:36
  measure ourselves instead of saying I'm not vulnerable.
• 48:39
  And maybe you're not vulnerable 100%, maybe you're vulnerable
• 48:41
  with 20%, whatever that at least you could stand on a piece of
• 48:44
  vulnerability that you could say, OK, I'm, I'm vulnerable
• 48:47
  this much. But then you got to do the work
• 48:49
  to find out why you're not vulnerable in that other 50%.
• 48:54
  And it's not on the woman, it's on you.
• 48:57
  And maybe she points those vulnerabilities out to you
• 49:00
  because that's what she needs. And, and we can talk about what
• 49:03
  the woman needs as well, because they have to heal too, right?
• 49:06
  So everybody's trying to heal. We're we're marrying, we're
• 49:08
  dating everybody's history. You're not dating a person.
• 49:12
  I'm dating all that stuff that you went through from birth to
• 49:15
  whatever age. So if that's 50 years of history
• 49:17
  over here and 50 years of history over there, that's 100
• 49:19
  years of history combined that we trying to figure out and sort
• 49:22
  through. Let let me ask you this, like
• 49:23
  you say, like when you was younger, you walking by yourself
• 49:28
  down the street, are you vulnerable?
• 49:31
  Are you being, are you being, are you, are you being
• 49:33
  vulnerable? Are you not being vulnerable?
• 49:36
  I don't even know if that even. I don't even know how to answer
• 49:39
  that because I'm walking down the street.
• 49:41
  But your senses is saying that you got to protect yourself,
• 49:44
  right? I guess it depends on and, and
• 49:47
  you got to it depends. It depends.
• 49:49
  It depends on where we grew up. If I say you grew up in LA, I
• 49:52
  grew up in LA and up in LA on one side and the Crips on one
• 49:54
  side. I got it.
• 49:56
  I got to be, I got to pay attention.
• 49:57
  I'm not saying I'm not vulnerable but but but but
• 50:00
  because of those stories. I'm aware you can't.
• 50:02
  You can't show vulnerability. There, but I don't know.
• 50:04
  Again, it's a description. It's a description, but what I'm
• 50:08
  going to do, I'm going to play APSA.
• 50:09
  I like the young lady to come up here.
• 50:11
  I'm going to give her my seat for a few minutes and let her
• 50:14
  say what she heard. This is the front Dozer show on
• 50:16
  KC rated one O 6.5 FM 10 for the M Charlotte Southwest account.
• 50:25
  Hey, I'm talking to 1st class for Ron Dozier.
• 50:28
  I'm here at the military base and I have the sickle cell
• 50:31
  trade. Now why I got involved is I
• 50:33
  experienced what they call sickle cell trade desertion and
• 50:36
  I was doing the Army physical fitness test, the two mile run
• 50:39
  and when I got done I collapsed. A lot of soldiers and athletes
• 50:43
  have been dying on football fields and running track and the
• 50:46
  family members have no idea how to have the sickle cell trait
• 50:49
  gene or that is the trigger. So my purpose is to mobilize the
• 50:52
  community so we can find out what's in your genes.
• 50:55
  How would life be if we could prevent another child from being
• 50:58
  born with sickle cell trait or disease and if the child was
• 51:01
  born with the trade of the disease that the family members
• 51:03
  would have the education, awareness and resources in every
• 51:07
  city that they lived in? So tune into our webinar series
• 51:09
  and find out what's the count. Welcome back to KCAA Radio.
• 51:28
  We're here with on the For Rondo's Year show.
• 51:30
  We talk about male vulnerability.
• 51:32
  Got our special guests here, Joshua, we got Coppo, Johnny
• 51:37
  here. We got a young lady on here, her
• 51:39
  name was Carly. She introduce herself to the
• 51:42
  audience. Hi, everybody.
• 51:45
  It's nice to be back. Well, not on this podcast, but
• 51:48
  I've done a few sessions in here before.
• 51:51
  My name is Carly Kalanich. I do.
• 51:54
  I have a colorful past. I'll just say, say it like that.
• 52:00
  Part of what I do here in San Bernardino is I recently
• 52:05
  resigned as the director of re entry services of the largest
• 52:10
  funded re entry program in the IE.
• 52:14
  I'm getting ready to take over another organization here soon.
• 52:17
  I was a teacher for 15 years. I've been in the streets a
• 52:20
  little bit, you know, so I kind of have a diverse background,
• 52:26
  but I heard some interesting things tonight and I want to ask
• 52:29
  you gentlemen a question. OK, Why vulnerability?
• 52:35
  Do you think vulnerability, is that really the issue?
• 52:37
  Because vulnerability means you're open to harm, Right,
• 52:41
  Right. OK.
• 52:43
  And is it vulnerability that we really need to be working on or
• 52:49
  is it just that we need to learn how to articulate and
• 52:52
  communicate emotion? Because I think what what we've
• 52:58
  missed is we don't want to be open to harm.
• 53:00
  And I agree with some of what you guys have said, like, you
• 53:05
  know, saying that you need to know who, what, where.
• 53:09
  I'm not just going to be open to anybody, right?
• 53:11
  I'm not just going to be subjected to, to harm.
• 53:14
  I'm not subjecting myself. And a lot of that comes from
• 53:16
  trial and error experience and being observant, like John said,
• 53:21
  right? Watching who you're who you're
• 53:22
  around. So why do we want to be
• 53:25
  vulnerable if we can't be vulnerable?
• 53:28
  You haven't even shown me that I can be vulnerable.
• 53:32
  I think what happens a lot of times is the mask that we wear
• 53:37
  and us not being able to face face our own shadow, our own
• 53:41
  dragon, right? And when we when we can't face
• 53:45
  our own shadow, our own dragon, we can't articulate any of that
• 53:49
  to anybody else. We have to sit with ourselves.
• 53:52
  So why vulnerability? I'm, what I'm going to say is
• 53:56
  that vulnerability is the fine line of who you are, who you
• 54:02
  want to be. Just like I said with, with me,
• 54:05
  with my kids, with my wife, I have to be vulnerable because if
• 54:09
  I, if I'm not, I'm going to be this ego.
• 54:11
  It's going to be ego there. There's no, there's no room to
• 54:15
  challenge ego. I'm not going to hear my son.
• 54:17
  I'm not going to hear my wife. I'm not going to hear my
• 54:19
  daughters. It allows you to be in a
• 54:23
  position where you're not in control.
• 54:26
  So that's vulnerable for me, like I, I don't want to be in
• 54:29
  control if I have other people around me, But when I'm outside
• 54:32
  of my comfort zone, I want to be in control.
• 54:35
  What you what you got, John? Come.
• 54:36
  On I must say I want to be vulnerable.
• 54:39
  I don't want to be vulnerable to the wrong person.
• 54:41
  I'm the wrong people in the wrong.
• 54:43
  You know what I'm saying? Situations I want to be
• 54:45
  vulnerable. Able to identify what it is that
• 55:00
  you're even feeling to understand if you can't even put
• 55:04
  yourself in a predicament to be vulnerable, can you put yourself
• 55:07
  in the space to be vulnerable with somebody?
• 55:09
  And is this the right person? And that takes a level of
• 55:11
  emotional awareness, emotional intelligence that a lot of the
• 55:15
  times people just don't have. It's not something that you get
• 55:19
  trained on. It's not something that's just
• 55:21
  taught. It's something that at some
• 55:23
  point in your life you have to realize, hey, like she said, I'm
• 55:28
  dealing with a dragon or I got to face this person in the
• 55:30
  mirror and nobody else can do that except me.
• 55:34
  So. So what I want to ask is how?
• 55:39
  Carly, I want to ask you this question.
• 55:41
  How is it that you in a relationship, do you want a man
• 55:46
  to be vulnerable or not? Define vulnerability, because my
• 55:51
  definition of vulnerability is being open to harm, right?
• 55:56
  So I mean, if we define what vulnerability is like, if I, I
• 56:02
  don't want somebody to be open to harm and see me that I'm
• 56:06
  going to be harm, harmful to them, because that's where the
• 56:10
  fear comes in. Now I, I think that I want
• 56:13
  somebody who can communicate and articulate what they need,
• 56:17
  exactly what they need from me and exactly what I need from
• 56:21
  them. OK, because vulnerability has
• 56:25
  like I say, it's fear based, it's fear based, it's open to
• 56:30
  harm. So if you are thinking already
• 56:33
  in your head, if I'm vulnerable, which means you're going to harm
• 56:36
  me, there's, there's grounds for, you know, not it, you're
• 56:42
  really not being vulnerable. You know what, I like how you
• 56:44
  point that out because that's a level of anxiety too, because
• 56:47
  I'm living in the future of not being vulnerable.
• 56:49
  My, my, my current state of mind is, is ageist.
• 56:53
  So, so I'm uncomfortable already because that is what I'm worried
• 56:56
  about not being or not experiencing.
• 56:59
  So you already living into that future.
• 57:01
  So I appreciate how you articulate that.
• 57:02
  That's the whole point. As man, we have to 1st self
• 57:06
  examine ourselves first and if you have a wife or a woman, you
• 57:10
  got to communicate that because it means something different to
• 57:12
  everybody else. I never thought about how she
• 57:15
  described being vulnerable. So but for us as the men, we've
• 57:19
  have to figure out what our ingredients is for ourselves
• 57:22
  first. That's why not trying to get a
• 57:24
  girlfriend and having bathed out of wear like like all like all
• 57:27
  that stuff is not right around good or bad, but we put
• 57:30
  ourselves in the predicaments and situations where we haven't
• 57:32
  developed ourselves to the capacity where I can articulate
• 57:36
  my because the woman men don't need us to bring home the bacon
• 57:39
  and the and the eggs and all that they want us.
• 57:41
  Now we have to learn how to talk.
• 57:42
  We have to learn how to communicate.
• 57:44
  We have to learn how to be emotional intelligence because
• 57:46
  my grandfather didn't have to do that when when he was in the
• 57:49
  house. So now as men, because they're
• 57:52
  independent, they're doing what they do and they got what they
• 57:54
  need. How do we, what do I now?
• 57:57
  I got to, now I got to learn how to listen.
• 57:59
  I got to learn how to express my emotions.
• 58:02
  And that's what they want from us and that's what we want from
• 58:04
  them. So as males and females, we have
• 58:07
  to figure out, as she said, you got to do your work first.
• 58:10
  And if you're not willing to do that work your first, then
• 58:13
  you're going to be subject to the unforeseen consequences and
• 58:16
  unforeseen expectations that people put on you because you
• 58:19
  can't even articulate how you feel toward yourself.
• 58:23
  To further answer your question though as well, I can wrap it up
• 58:28
  in one minute to further to further answer your question
• 58:30
  though, like what? What do you expect to be
• 58:32
  vulnerable? You know, do we want men to be
• 58:35
  vulnerable? Yes, yes we do.
• 58:37
  But the right type of vulnerability, a lot of what
• 58:39
  what we have, we see as vulnerability as women from men
• 58:44
  is just toxicity, OK? Just we become a dumping ground,
• 58:50
  OK. And so then we did you, you
• 58:53
  can't even deal with it. Then you give it to us like
• 58:56
  we're just supposed to whip something up in the kitchen.
• 58:59
  OK, Like, come on, you know, it's it's there.
• 59:02
  You know, it's, it's really hard on our end, you know, and we and
• 59:05
  we can, we can, we'll make. We'll we'll build a whole.
• 59:08
  Mansion out of it sometimes, right and it does I absolutely
• 59:13
  right. But that comes back to what Josh
• 59:15
  said. You know nobody trains us to do
• 59:18
  this OK more is caught than top. If you pay attention, you know a
• 59:23
  woman knows we we when we pay attention we pay attention to
• 59:26
  our man. We know when he's going through
• 59:28
  something. Thank you for hanging out with
• 59:29
  us tonight. I, I get 3 until we until we get
• 59:34
  some solutions or some more openness over here.
• 59:38
  I might, we might have to bring this back one more time because
• 59:41
  thank you gentlemen, for being and honest and sharing your
• 59:44
  experience. Oh my God, Oh my, is that my
• 59:46
  caller? Oh my goodness.
• 59:49
  I got time for you, coach. I got to get out of here.
• 59:51
  I'll catch you on the IG live or something.
• 59:53
  This is the 5:00 FM, 10:50 AM shot us on.
• 59:57
  What's the count? KCAAA.
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