Latest / I Hate Talking / Parallel Play - Part 1

Transcript

Parallel Play - Part 1 · I Hate Talking

• 0:29
  I Hate Talking: Welcome to episode 64 of I Hate Talking.
• 0:33
  I Hate Talking: Hi everyone.
• 0:33
  I Hate Talking: So I guess we have some different words or phrases that perhaps we can do for this episode.
• 0:40
  I Hate Talking: We have two different choices of double P phrases.
• 0:46
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 0:47
  I Hate Talking: Parallel play.
• 0:49
  I Hate Talking: Or predictive programming or we could do something completely different.
• 0:55
  I Hate Talking: I can't even think of one.
• 0:58
  I Hate Talking: I was trying to think of like passive, whatever, but OK.
• 1:01
  I Hate Talking: -- So I get to choose from those -- two?
• 1:04
  I Hate Talking: I suppose so, or we could do apps because apparently there's a word that we didn't do.
• 1:11
  I Hate Talking: So But I don't know if that's very relevant to some of the things we've been talking about in the past.
• 1:17
  I Hate Talking: I don't know.
• 1:18
  I Hate Talking: Let's do parallel play play.
• 1:21
  I Hate Talking: All right, we'll do parallel play then.
• 1:22
  I Hate Talking: That is, I think maybe one that I have a little bit better opportunity to talk off the top of my head because I do think that predictive programming may take a little bit of additional research -- outside of our normal conversation during the -- podcast.
• 1:38
  I Hate Talking: Are you thinking like AI stuff for predictive programming.
• 1:42
  I Hate Talking: No, that is not what predictive programming means.
• 1:45
  I Hate Talking: OK, well, -- I'll stay tuned for next -- time.
• 1:48
  I Hate Talking: Or the time after that since we don't really have a very well-defined schedule.
• 1:52
  I Hate Talking: Sounds good.
• 1:53
  I Hate Talking: So parallel play.
• 1:54
  I Hate Talking: I think that typically was used when it first came about as the description of child development.
• 2:05
  I Hate Talking: So essentially when a child will play with things in the company of other children and Just do things sort of alongside one another.
• 2:18
  I Hate Talking: So it's, I guess the step before there's sort of the cooperative play where they are maybe exchanging toys or interacting with one another in a way that would be more cooperative rather than just individual in the same place.
• 2:37
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 2:37
  I Hate Talking: And then I think it has also recently become more frequently used in terms of how adults may interact with one another, where they are doing a hobby or could be even quote unquote work.
• 2:54
  I Hate Talking: That is adjacent to one another in the same physical space, but lacks any sort of direct interaction.
• 3:03
  I Hate Talking: So, I hate parawell play.
• 3:07
  I Hate Talking: Do you wanna know why?
• 3:09
  I Hate Talking: I suppose so, because I think I do enjoy it.
• 3:14
  I Hate Talking: I don't enjoy it at all because, and here's my thought process on it.
• 3:18
  I Hate Talking: I understand what you're saying about the children and all the studies and child psychology and such, but as an adult, myself, I don't enjoy quote unquote peril play because If I'm in the room with someone doing something and they're doing a different activity, I'm like, there's this weirdness of like, do I have to talk or like can I put my earbuds in and zone out, and then you say something and then I'm like, oh, wait, what?
• 3:46
  I Hate Talking: So I can't focus on what I'm doing because I'm always waiting to see an interaction from that individual.
• 3:52
  I Hate Talking: If I'm doing something by myself, I'd rather just be alone, so I don't have to look around for interactions with other people.
• 4:01
  I Hate Talking: Or if I'm with other people, I want to be interacting with them, having conversations and back and forth, versus like just waiting to see like, Are we gonna talk?
• 4:12
  I Hate Talking: Are you gonna say something?
• 4:14
  I Hate Talking: And it's always like up in the air, you don't know.
• 4:16
  I Hate Talking: So that's interesting.
• 4:18
  I Hate Talking: So you have to make a conscious effort in order to monitor for bids on interactions?
• 4:26
  I Hate Talking: See, I don't think I have to do that.
• 4:30
  I Hate Talking: Like, I will, perhaps if it's a situation where I need to pay special attention to social cues and a variety of things, I will have a heightened sense of awareness about these things.
• 4:42
  I Hate Talking: But my like default state is to always be aware of my surroundings and aware of what other people are doing, at least in some degree.
• 4:54
  I Hate Talking: Again, there's gonna be various levels of my awareness, but it's always on, at least at the low setting.
• 5:03
  I Hate Talking: But don't you agree that In our relationship, I'll have my earbuds in, maybe I'm doing the dishes, and I put my earbuds in, and I'm uh listening to a story, and then you try to get my attention.
• 5:17
  I Hate Talking: And if I'm listening to my story, then you get like frustrated that, like, I'm not paying attention to you quick enough.
• 5:25
  I Hate Talking: Well, perhaps we've gotten to our big takeaway for the episode very early on in the episode is that when you are interacting with technology, it makes it so you are no longer present in the situation that you are physically dwelling in.
• 5:41
  I Hate Talking: -- You -- mean me or the you as a whole?
• 5:44
  I Hate Talking: Yes, I just am talking about humanity in general, when you are interacting with technology and it consumes the majority of your attention, whether that is audio or visual or both, that then you are no longer quote unquote present.
• 6:02
  I Hate Talking: OK, I can see that.
• 6:04
  I Hate Talking: But also, even for me, it's like books or whatnot.
• 6:06
  I Hate Talking: Like if I sit down to read a book, and then you're like, hey, staffs blah blah blah.
• 6:11
  I Hate Talking: I'm like, huh?
• 6:11
  I Hate Talking: So I have to put down my book and look up at you.
• 6:13
  I Hate Talking: And then we interact, and then I put the book, you know, start reading again.
• 6:19
  I Hate Talking: And also, especially as a mom, uh, the past decade plus, it's hard because the kids constantly coming up to me and then I have to put my book down and look at them, and listen, and then pick up where I left off.
• 6:33
  I Hate Talking: And if I want to read a book, I just wanna be left alone to read a whole chapter without interruption.
• 6:40
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I suppose that's true, and I do have the desire for similar things, especially in what some would describe as a flow state where you're in a very deep, thoughtful process of accomplishing a task or producing something creatively or whatever the case may be, or working on a problem, as it were.
• 7:08
  I Hate Talking: And when you do achieve that sense of flow within your work process or creative process that you would not want interruptions.
• 7:17
  I Hate Talking: So, perhaps I will find parallel play more appropriate for situations where it is not necessarily a flow state thing.
• 7:28
  I Hate Talking: So, for example, one of the things that.
• 7:32
  I Hate Talking: I would categorize as a parallel play candidate would be editing our podcast, but you don't really like to do that together, I guess.
• 7:42
  I Hate Talking: No, well, because if I do it, you redo it anyways.
• 7:47
  I Hate Talking: There's a behind the scenes of how the podcast gets made.
• 7:50
  I Hate Talking: So Adam often does it because I don't have a desire to get my work redone.
• 7:55
  I Hate Talking: And when you want me to sit here and watch you do it, I end up falling asleep because I'm just listening to us talk, and we just spoke, so it's like replaying what I just heard.
• 8:09
  I Hate Talking: And like a rerun of an episode kind of thing.
• 8:13
  I Hate Talking: And um yeah, I think because you know exactly what you're looking for, I don't think my input is valued, and so I just sit there and fall asleep.
• 8:24
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 8:26
  I Hate Talking: I just made a mental note to remove your ah at minute mark 853.
• 8:32
  I Hate Talking: There you go.
• 8:34
  I Hate Talking: Did you make the mental note that I said I, you don't value my input?
• 8:38
  I Hate Talking: I do value your input and on the episodes that I re-edited, I only made one change to 2 episodes and that was it out of all the ones that you edited.
• 8:48
  I Hate Talking: The rest were fine.
• 8:49
  I Hate Talking: Not sure about that.
• 8:51
  I Hate Talking: But OK.
• 8:53
  I Hate Talking: So how would that bring you enjoyment though, if I sit here watching you work?
• 9:00
  I Hate Talking: Well, there still could be the potential for interaction.
• 9:03
  I Hate Talking: So perhaps if there's something that I'm not quite sure if it should stay in or stay out or whatever the case may be, or there's a particular edit that.
• 9:14
  I Hate Talking: Maybe he needs a second listen.
• 9:16
  I Hate Talking: Then you could have some interaction there.
• 9:21
  I Hate Talking: But I think the reason that I enjoy it and probably most people that do enjoy it would cite the reason for enjoying it is that you are experiencing something in the same space, so there is some form of companionship or stability or relationship, even though you're not necessarily doing the exact same thing and working on something.
• 9:48
  I Hate Talking: Together per se.
• 9:51
  I Hate Talking: But that there is, I think companionship would be probably a good word to use.
• 9:58
  I Hate Talking: I'm trying to think back to before I was a stay at home mom.
• 10:01
  I Hate Talking: What I felt about that.
• 10:04
  I Hate Talking: Because I get companionship literally 24 hours a day.
• 10:08
  I Hate Talking: So, if you consider like somebody doing something alongside me, I am not in lack of that.
• 10:15
  I Hate Talking: I'm in lack of using the bathroom for 3 minutes alone or going, yeah, 3 minutes without someone talking to me or someone interacting with me.
• 10:27
  I Hate Talking: So, I don't remember what I felt like before I had all these people constantly buying for my attention.
• 10:35
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 10:37
  I Hate Talking: I suppose that if there's additional seeking for your attention that you may not be apt to.
• 10:44
  I Hate Talking: Entertain that, that you may want to do either something completely alone, right?
• 10:50
  I Hate Talking: Like you said, read your book or listen to an audiobook, or have something that is directly interactive.
• 10:58
  I Hate Talking: Mhm.
• 10:59
  I Hate Talking: So, which would you pick out of those two?
• 11:02
  I Hate Talking: Or it depends on your mood and previous experience of the day.
• 11:06
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean, it definitely depends.
• 11:07
  I Hate Talking: If I only could hypothetically pick one, it would be the direct interaction always, because I do like being around people.
• 11:15
  I Hate Talking: But typically it would be more of a day to day, what my interactions have been like.
• 11:22
  I Hate Talking: But I think going back to it, it's the whole, I'm always waiting, I guess, for someone to interact with me.
• 11:31
  I Hate Talking: If imperil play, so I can't fully enjoy what I'm doing.
• 11:37
  I Hate Talking: Unless I'm completely alone, because I'm waiting for that interaction.
• 11:41
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 11:43
  I Hate Talking: But you also in some form, also seek that type of interaction as.
• 11:52
  I Hate Talking: A valuable thing in your own fulfillment.
• 11:55
  I Hate Talking: True.
• 11:55
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, on a typical day, yeah, definitely.
• 11:58
  I Hate Talking: So, According to some of the research that we are doing live on this episode.
• 12:05
  I Hate Talking: There's some things that describe parallel play in adults, and I'll just read some of these particular things, is that parallel play in adults involves being together in the same spaces while each person focuses on their own independent activity, like reading while a partner watches TV or doing separate hobbies side by side.
• 12:27
  I Hate Talking: So I think that's a pretty.
• 12:29
  I Hate Talking: Concise definition that sort of summarizes how we've been defining the word parallel play as it relates to adults, and then it goes on, this quote unquote alone time can strengthen relationships by combining personal space with shared presence, offering comfort, reducing social pressure and supporting individual interests.
• 12:50
  I Hate Talking: It is especially beneficial for those who find constant social interaction draining and can help foster a sense of connection, autonomy and relaxation.
• 12:58
  I Hate Talking: So what's the benefit from doing that versus being in a different room?
• 13:03
  I Hate Talking: Well, if you're in a different room, then you are no longer in a shared presence.
• 13:09
  I Hate Talking: So, for example, if you're in a different room, you might as well be in a different building or a different state because you're not really being seen or sharing in any type of physical.
• 13:21
  I Hate Talking: Proximity.
• 13:23
  I Hate Talking: Do you think it was paro play when we were long distance and we used to watch TV shows together?
• 13:28
  I Hate Talking: So that's an interesting thing because TV shows.
• 13:32
  I Hate Talking: Maybe fit within this technology thing that we've been talking about where perhaps you're Semi-present.
• 13:41
  I Hate Talking: So even though you are doing the exact same thing, you're still being entertained and you're not necessarily Talking about it, maybe after the fact you would or.
• 13:54
  I Hate Talking: During, but that can also be detrimental to the viewing experience, especially depending on your particular appetite for.
• 14:03
  I Hate Talking: Focusing on the show or.
• 14:07
  I Hate Talking: Whatever you're watching versus.
• 14:10
  I Hate Talking: Quote unquote interrupting the show.
• 14:13
  I Hate Talking: But I think that does.
• 14:16
  I Hate Talking: Sort of fit within parallel play, because again, you're not directly interacting with one another, but you are.
• 14:22
  I Hate Talking: Doing a hobby, and the hobby is just the exact same thing.
• 14:27
  I Hate Talking: So it's sort of in the middle, I think because it's the exact same thing that you're partaking in, but it is still sort of separate because you're not having any opportunity for direct interaction.
• 14:41
  I Hate Talking: So if I had to choose between it being in the parallel play category or not, I probably actually would put it in the parallel play category because of that.
• 14:50
  I Hate Talking: So what about concerts then?
• 14:53
  I Hate Talking: Is that parallel play?
• 14:56
  I Hate Talking: So concerts probably, I guess any form of entertainment, a comedy show, a concert, a movie, watching a TV show at home.
• 15:05
  I Hate Talking: Is going to be again the same hobby or same experience, but if there's not a lot of interaction.
• 15:13
  I Hate Talking: That it probably falls more within the category of parallel play.
• 15:17
  I Hate Talking: But I would say a concert maybe is a little bit more directly interactive than just watching a TV show or a movie because you still could.
• 15:27
  I Hate Talking: Have more opportunities to interact with one another and converse about.
• 15:31
  I Hate Talking: Music or the show or whatever's happening.
• 15:35
  I Hate Talking: So, that's my thought on that.
• 15:39
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 15:39
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, because we go to concerts occasionally.
• 15:43
  I Hate Talking: It's definitely more your theme.
• 15:45
  I Hate Talking: I go because you enjoy it and I like to be with you.
• 15:48
  I Hate Talking: Uh, I, I would never go to one by myself, nor would I necessarily choose to do it.
• 15:53
  I Hate Talking: But I do love comedy shows, but for me, and it's probably just a different personality type.
• 15:59
  I Hate Talking: Because the difference, yes, I can listen to a comedian on YouTube or whatnot on Netflix.
• 16:06
  I Hate Talking: But being there and listening to other people laugh.
• 16:10
  I Hate Talking: Makes me laugh too.
• 16:12
  I Hate Talking: So, it's probably the same if you're a music buff, listening to people, headband or whatever, I would help you do that also.
• 16:20
  I Hate Talking: That's true.
• 16:22
  I Hate Talking: And that's not parallel play, right?
• 16:24
  I Hate Talking: Because you're interacting and changing your environment or changing your reactions based on other people.
• 16:32
  I Hate Talking: I'm laughing cause someone else is laughing.
• 16:34
  I Hate Talking: That's not parallel play, that's um more interactive, right?
• 16:38
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, but it's not a social interaction.
• 16:41
  I Hate Talking: I think that's what the definition of parallel play is getting at is that you can have a shared experience even or separate experiences in the same physical proximity, but there's no quote unquote social interaction that is necessitated.
• 16:57
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 16:58
  I Hate Talking: Because I think that's what's important nuance in the definition that I read earlier, is that people that do enjoy parallel play is because there is reduced social pressure, because perhaps maybe it's a difference between introverts and extroverts from way back when and probably our single digit episodes.
• 17:22
  I Hate Talking: Maybe somebody that's an introvert would find parallel play more beneficial because Again, there's not that quote unquote constant social interaction.
• 17:32
  I Hate Talking: I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what the benefit is of someone else being in that room is.
• 17:38
  I Hate Talking: Because you don't personally experience -- the benefit -- or value.
• 17:42
  I Hate Talking: I don't see any.
• 17:43
  I Hate Talking: I can't feel any kind of benefit at all from it.
• 17:46
  I Hate Talking: So, I empathize with the definition when it says that it combines personal space with shared presence.
• 17:54
  I Hate Talking: So because you are physically there, your companionship and presence is felt, but the social interaction that perhaps I I do enjoy to some extent, but not as my primary source of enjoyment.
• 18:11
  I Hate Talking: is not called upon to be completely social and interactive.
• 18:18
  I Hate Talking: How close do you have to be to have your presence physically felt?
• 18:21
  I Hate Talking: Because like our house is an open concept.
• 18:23
  I Hate Talking: Kitchen, dining room, living room are all together.
• 18:26
  I Hate Talking: If I'm reading at the kitchen table, and you're on the couch in the living room.
• 18:32
  I Hate Talking: Which is what, like 20 ft away, is that perro play?
• 18:38
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I would say so.
• 18:40
  I Hate Talking: What if I'm -- 10 ft more at the kitchen -- cooking?
• 18:45
  I Hate Talking: No, that's getting close to the outside boundary, I believe.
• 18:49
  I Hate Talking: So in your concept, payroll play has to be within 20 ft of each other?
• 18:53
  I Hate Talking: That sounds like a good rule.
• 18:56
  I Hate Talking: OK, see, I don't get, like, for me, the only benefit would be like if we were on the couch together, cuddling, or like I'm relaying on your shoulder or Our legs are touching or something like that, and I see benefit, and yeah, it's both free together.
• 19:14
  I Hate Talking: But if I'm 15 ft away, And we're not interacting.
• 19:18
  I Hate Talking: I might as well be in.
• 19:21
  I Hate Talking: The other room.
• 19:22
  I Hate Talking: For you.
• 19:24
  I Hate Talking: Yes.
• 19:26
  I Hate Talking: True, I guess another takeaway is that yet again, we've uncovered some things that make us different and perhaps those differences are things that make us more strong as a couple because we do have different interests and likes and values and sources of which we derive how we experience the world together.
• 19:50
  I Hate Talking: You don't sound very sure.
• 19:53
  I Hate Talking: Well, I just don't.
• 19:55
  I Hate Talking: I'm not convinced peril play is a good thing.
• 19:59
  I Hate Talking: I even try to like Us the concept of my children.
• 20:06
  I Hate Talking: Three of them like full constant attention, touching, like if we're on the couch, they want me rubbing their back, or rubbing their feet, or talking to them or whatnot.
• 20:19
  I Hate Talking: And then I have one that even from a teeny tiny baby, didn't want that strong constant interaction.
• 20:27
  I Hate Talking: But he also doesn't even want you in the room.
• 20:29
  I Hate Talking: Like, when he wants his alone time, it is obvious that he wants to be alone, his own room, no one else there.
• 20:38
  I Hate Talking: So I think I have a hard time processing parallel play like you're talking about.
• 20:43
  I Hate Talking: It's either you're together and you're interacting, or you're away from each other.
• 20:48
  I Hate Talking: So I get what you're saying, but I don't think, I don't see the benefit in it.
• 20:54
  I Hate Talking: So there are some things that do describe parallel play as a negative thing, though most of what I've been reading indicates that parallel play is a good thing because of reading bias.
• 21:06
  I Hate Talking: No, I'm just asking AI.
• 21:10
  I Hate Talking: AI is not biased at all.
• 21:11
  I Hate Talking: I'll, I'll ask my AI.
• 21:15
  I Hate Talking: You ask your AI while I talk about what my AI said.
• 21:18
  I Hate Talking: So, there are some risks associated with parallel play if it replaces direct interaction.
• 21:26
  I Hate Talking: So if you are using parallel play and just doing your own thing in the same physical space forever and ever, then that will lead to superficiality of a relationship or true isolation because there is the lack of direct interaction and social.
• 21:45
  I Hate Talking: Things that you can discuss and do together.
• 21:48
  I Hate Talking: So that is the warning that my AI gives and I.
• 21:52
  I Hate Talking: Do you agree with that?
• 21:54
  I Hate Talking: And then I think the thing that you mentioned on the distance.
• 22:00
  I Hate Talking: It's not necessarily an exact distance in terms of the number of feet away, but I think it is has something to do with the proximity where you can at least be able to see one another because obviously, if you can't see one another, then the physical presence can't really be felt.
• 22:19
  I Hate Talking: And that I think there also needs to be the opportunity that if there is one person that wants to interact with the other person directly, that It's not like they have to walk over, but that they could do that from their existing location.
• 22:35
  I Hate Talking: So it sounds like so far you haven't found anything bad about parallel play.
• 22:39
  I Hate Talking: No, I did.
• 22:40
  I Hate Talking: I'm just reading this.
• 22:41
  I Hate Talking: So, I know the very first thing that comes up is, yes, cause I googled is per will play good.
• 22:48
  I Hate Talking: And then the very first thing actually that popped up, that was my just generic Google sent, and AI instantly said, whilepa will playing children, playing side by side without direct interaction is a typical development, it can be a sign of autism if it persists.
• 23:05
  I Hate Talking: So my uh AI instantly goes to that and explaining why.
• 23:11
  I Hate Talking: Correct, but that's from the childhood development perspective, not this.
• 23:16
  I Hate Talking: co-opted, co-opted is probably too strong a word, but this reused phrase to describe how adults interact, because I don't think that when an adult uses parallel play to describe the relationship that they're talking exactly about childhood development stages.
• 23:34
  I Hate Talking: So there is a difference there between parallel play, the phrase being used in childhood development versus what we're talking about as adults.
• 23:43
  I Hate Talking: Right.
• 23:43
  I Hate Talking: The next thing that comes up in mind after that is from very wellmind.com.
• 23:49
  I Hate Talking: And it says, is pararoll play hurting or helping your relationship?
• 23:54
  I Hate Talking: So just very quickly, like, what points they give for positives, parallel play can look like reading a different book, lifting weights, doing different chores in the same room.
• 24:05
  I Hate Talking: Being on your respective phones, scrolling together, folding laundry while your partner plays with the child.
• 24:12
  I Hate Talking: And they say there's benefits, it helps practice object permanence, that is trusting that your partner exists and will still be there for you and love you even when you're not together.
• 24:27
  I Hate Talking: So that's their benefits, drawbacks, and they said there's often, you know, too much of a good thing, is their quote.
• 24:34
  I Hate Talking: You might get complacent and no longer engage, or have a schedule interactive activities together.
• 24:42
  I Hate Talking: It's important that the things you do together are things that you both choose, agree to do and enjoy.
• 24:50
  I Hate Talking: Doing things together, just for the sake of doing things together, out of duty and obligation may result in resentment instead of closeness and connection.
• 25:00
  I Hate Talking: So that would be the argument to do payroll play, right?
• 25:04
  I Hate Talking: So that way.
• 25:05
  I Hate Talking: You're not resenting the other person for making you do what they want.
• 25:11
  I Hate Talking: No, I heard two things in there that can make parallel play a bad thing.
• 25:16
  I Hate Talking: And it was one of the things that I already alluded to with the fact that if you exclusively do parallel play, then that is, as your article said, too much of a good thing, where then that becomes complacent and you are no longer actually interacting with one another and having an established relationship.
• 25:35
  I Hate Talking: And then the second thing that it described was The either routine or the duty to do this that.
• 25:46
  I Hate Talking: It should actually be hobbies that when you are doing parallel play that it's something that you both enjoy.
• 25:53
  I Hate Talking: It's not that one person's working and the other person is enjoying their hobby or vice versa.
• 25:58
  I Hate Talking: So, I think that Those are not necessarily in direct opposition to parallel play, but just.
• 26:06
  I Hate Talking: Observations on how parallel play can go wrong.
• 26:10
  I Hate Talking: So you still seem unconvinced.
• 26:14
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean it's just a personality trait.
• 26:19
  I Hate Talking: Y'all can let us know if you feel strongly one way or another.
• 26:23
  I Hate Talking: I still don't see much of a benefit in parallel play.
• 26:27
  I Hate Talking: But you're open to considering it since I see a benefit in it.
• 26:33
  I Hate Talking: -- More -- than what we do already.
• 26:35
  I Hate Talking: What do we do already?
• 26:37
  I Hate Talking: We spend tons of time in the same room.
• 26:41
  I Hate Talking: Like when they were talking about.
• 26:43
  I Hate Talking: You do, in the article I just read, you're doing the laundry and your partner's playing with the kid.
• 26:48
  I Hate Talking: We do that constantly.
• 26:50
  I Hate Talking: True, but I would put that more in the category of duty than.
• 26:54
  I Hate Talking: Pure hobby.
• 26:56
  I Hate Talking: I don't know.
• 26:57
  I Hate Talking: When I do the laundry and I see you playing with the kids, I'm like that's Fine, I wanna play too, but I have work to do.
• 27:03
  I Hate Talking: Right, and that's the point, it's work.
• 27:05
  I Hate Talking: It's not a hobby, so it's not necessarily parallel play, maybe be like parallel work.
• 27:11
  I Hate Talking: Playing with your kid doesn't work.
• 27:13
  I Hate Talking: But even if one party is doing work, it's not parallel play.
• 27:19
  I Hate Talking: Well, that's an example.
• 27:21
  I Hate Talking: Right, that's my point is that I don't think we do a lot of parallel play.
• 27:25
  I Hate Talking: I think we do all the time.
• 27:27
  I Hate Talking: We were both earlier on our phones doing Du lingo.
• 27:30
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, maybe I just categorize too much in life as work because I feel like that's a duty as well.
• 27:37
  I Hate Talking: Mm.
• 27:38
  I Hate Talking: It's enjoyable, but it's a task that needs to get checked off the list.
• 27:43
  I Hate Talking: So perhaps we have not arrived at any particular conclusions in this episode, but, but how would you want us to do parallel play then if you don't think we're doing it well?
• 27:54
  I Hate Talking: I think it needs to be.
• 27:57
  I Hate Talking: Perhaps things that don't take you completely out of.
• 28:02
  I Hate Talking: The Presence of one another In terms of social presence, so there still is the opportunity to.
• 28:12
  I Hate Talking: Have some form of social interaction if one or more of the parties desire that.
• 28:19
  I Hate Talking: So, the example on the technology thing, I think detracts from that availability.
• 28:26
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, but then you can't read a book.
• 28:27
  I Hate Talking: You can read a book, yeah.
• 28:29
  I Hate Talking: Not if one person's wanting to interact, they're like, what are you going to read it out loud to me?
• 28:34
  I Hate Talking: No, but then you pause the book and then you can have a social interaction because you're already in close proximity with one another.
• 28:40
  I Hate Talking: Not parallel play then.
• 28:41
  I Hate Talking: You paused your book, so I didn't get to finish reading my chapter.
• 28:45
  I Hate Talking: All I want to do is read my chapter in peace.
• 28:47
  I Hate Talking: But then you don't actually want to partake in parallel play then.
• 28:50
  I Hate Talking: No, I don't.
• 28:51
  I Hate Talking: Well, then there you go.
• 28:54
  I Hate Talking: Uh, so, Yeah, I don't know.
• 28:59
  I Hate Talking: Maybe it comes down to in our personal lives, we're just over committed.
• 29:05
  I Hate Talking: Because If I have 20 minutes, I might like.
• 29:10
  I Hate Talking: sneak away, tell you like you have the kids for a while, and I can go get this done.
• 29:15
  I Hate Talking: Or go read a little bit or whatever.
• 29:18
  I Hate Talking: And I very much value that time.
• 29:21
  I Hate Talking: And it's really frustrating when it gets interrupted, we do not have spare time.
• 29:27
  I Hate Talking: So I very much value those few minutes that we carve out to do stuff.
• 29:32
  I Hate Talking: So that's probably just on us that we overcommit ourselves.
• 29:36
  I Hate Talking: And don't have enough time.
• 29:39
  I Hate Talking: To sit in the same room doing an activity and stop occasionally and restart.
• 29:45
  I Hate Talking: The activity.
• 29:46
  I Hate Talking: Does that make sense?
• 29:47
  I Hate Talking: That's true, so we don't have enough time to do our own hobbies to begin with.
• 29:52
  I Hate Talking: So if we try to and then it gets interrupted, then it's even more frustrating.
• 29:58
  I Hate Talking: That very well could be.
• 29:59
  I Hate Talking: So again, I don't think we've reached any conclusions, but maybe we will continue this conversation either offline or online.
• 30:08
  I Hate Talking: But if you have any particular things that you have concluded on, do let us know by sending us an email, or text or leaving a comment.
• 30:19
  I Hate Talking: And we would certainly love to hear your perspective on parallel play and the benefits or the reasons not to do that.
• 30:28
  I Hate Talking: Maybe we'll tackle this as a part two or maybe not.
• 30:32
  I Hate Talking: So, from your friends at I hate Talking, until next time, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.