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#1943 How And Why We Self-Sabotage - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: A good a team. I hope you well, welcome to
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Speaker 1: the You project. It's me So for a long time
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Speaker 1: I've been working with people trying to help them become
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Speaker 1: the best version of themselves, as you know, addressing all
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Speaker 1: the physiological stuff and psychological stuff and emotional stuff and
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Speaker 1: practical stuff and career stuff and personal stuff and the
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Speaker 1: scene and the unseen and the physical and all of that.
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Speaker 1: And I've really, I guess, had a real broad cross
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Speaker 1: section of people and experiences and interactions and encounters and
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Speaker 1: revelations around understanding how we If I'm a bit clunky
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Speaker 1: right now, I apologize I haven't scripted this, but how
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Speaker 1: we essentially, how we get in our own way, how
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Speaker 1: we how we shoot ourselves in the foot, how we
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Speaker 1: self sabotage? And while there are I reckon, I could
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Speaker 1: come up with one hundred ways if I sat down
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Speaker 1: and wrote a list. I just in the last four
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Speaker 1: or five minutes jotted down ten ways that just dawn
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Speaker 1: on me very quickly, that we get in our own
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Speaker 1: way that and some of these might be relevant to use,
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Speaker 1: some might not. But I think that one of the
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Speaker 1: things that we need to do to learn to grow,
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Speaker 1: to evolve all those things, I say, to become the
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Speaker 1: best version of ourselves, to explore our potential, to produce
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Speaker 1: the kind of outcomes that we want to produce, to
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Speaker 1: create the change we want to create, and more importantly,
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Speaker 1: keep that change sustained, so keep the wheels turning, keep
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Speaker 1: building on the momentum. Is that sometimes we need to
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Speaker 1: do an audit or an inventory on how we are
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Speaker 1: the problem, because sometimes the problem on play at Craig
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Speaker 1: is Craig. Sometimes what's getting in my way is me.
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Speaker 1: And while of course there are a lot of variables
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Speaker 1: in the transformational kind of journey or on the transformational journey,
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Speaker 1: and of course there will be real world things that
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Speaker 1: stop you or hinder you, or affect you or get
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Speaker 1: in your way to some extent, there will always be
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Speaker 1: a you element. There will always be a component of
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Speaker 1: the journey that is either inhibited or accelerated because of
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Speaker 1: you or in spite of you. And so this is
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Speaker 1: a real exercise in self awareness, self reflection, self awareness,
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Speaker 1: and eventually hopefully self regulation and self actualization. Self actualization
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Speaker 1: me being I've recognized the thing that I do, I've
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Speaker 1: acknowledged it, I've owned it, I understand it, and now
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Speaker 1: I'm regulating or self managing, and I'm doing different and
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Speaker 1: now I'm becoming different, self actualization, real change. I'm not
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Speaker 1: going to dwell on all of these, but I'm going
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Speaker 1: to go through them quite quickly, so in no particular
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Speaker 1: order of importance. At the top of my self sabotaging
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Speaker 1: habits for this list, number one is procrastination and avoidance.
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Speaker 1: Procrastination avoidance. We often know what we should do, but
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Speaker 1: we often don't do what we know. And the reason
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Speaker 1: that we procrastinate or avoid or pretend or ignore or
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Speaker 1: tread water or whatever metaphor you want to choose. The
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Speaker 1: reason that we do, or one of the reasons that
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Speaker 1: we do, is because the thing that we need to do,
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Speaker 1: the thing that we're ignoring, the thing that we're avoiding
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Speaker 1: scares us. It scares us, and we don't like being scared.
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Speaker 1: Or it's hard, and we don't like doing hardshit it's uncomfortable,
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Speaker 1: or doing this thing requires me to step into a
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Speaker 1: level of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, and I don't like uncertainty
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Speaker 1: and I don't like unfamiliarity. So I'm not going to
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Speaker 1: do it today. I'll do it soon. I'll do it soon,
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Speaker 1: but I'm not going to do it today. And this
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Speaker 1: is the underlying subtext or story for many people, is
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Speaker 1: that the thing that they know that they should do
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Speaker 1: that they're not currently doing. The story is yes, Craig,
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Speaker 1: but I'm gonna do it soon, which is really one.
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Speaker 1: It's bullshit, and it's too it's us giving ourselves a
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Speaker 1: get out of jail card. Yep, yep. Now it's not
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Speaker 1: a good time. It's too cold, it's too hot, my
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Speaker 1: ankle saw, the kids are on school holidays. It's not
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Speaker 1: a good time. And now it's two thousand and thirty, right,
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Speaker 1: And the thing that I've been avoiding and procrastinating about
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Speaker 1: the issue is now ten times bigger because I haven't
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Speaker 1: done anything, and so now I've backed myself into a corner.
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Speaker 1: So the answer is, of course, the answer is not
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Speaker 1: comfortable or convenient or quick or painless or easy. The
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Speaker 1: answer is addressed the thing that you should address. And
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Speaker 1: I know we want a magic pill, and I know
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Speaker 1: we want something a bit smarter. Is that it? That's it?
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Speaker 1: That's it, or at least start the wheels turning, take
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Speaker 1: a step, have a conversation, open the door, press the button,
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Speaker 1: do something which is a small or tiny step for
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Speaker 1: you leaning into or starting on the path of the
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Speaker 1: change that you need to make or the thing that
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Speaker 1: you need to address. Right, So, the simple answer, but
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Speaker 1: not comfortable answer, is stop avoiding it, stop fucking around,
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Speaker 1: stop waiting for the mythical, mystical, magical right time. Number
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Speaker 1: two on my list is imposter syndrome. Now I can't
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Speaker 1: say to you, just turn that off with just that
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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, just turn that off. The self loathing, the
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Speaker 1: self doubt, all of those internal kind of who do
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Speaker 1: you think you are? You're not good enough, You're not
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Speaker 1: smart enough, You're not pretty enough, handsome enough, qualified enough,
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Speaker 1: tall enough, whatever enough, likable enough, lovable enough, all of
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Speaker 1: that kind of I'm not enough dialogue. It's probably not
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Speaker 1: going to go away quickly for most of us. Right
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Speaker 1: But is it possible that I feel perhaps that I'm
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Speaker 1: not good enough, but nonetheless I take a chance, Nonetheless
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Speaker 1: I try. Is it possible that I think, look, I
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Speaker 1: don't think I could do a PhD, or I'm not
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Speaker 1: sure that I could do a PhD. There's self doubt,
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Speaker 1: there's fear, there's anxiety, there's potential embarrassment, there's all of
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Speaker 1: this internal kind of combination of fear based emotions and
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Speaker 1: ideas and thoughts. But nonetheless, can I start the journey
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Speaker 1: while still feeling those things? So I don't think the
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Speaker 1: answer to self doubt or imposter syndrome is to flick
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Speaker 1: a switch and it turns off tomorrow. I think the answer,
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Speaker 1: or I think part of the answer and the challenge,
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Speaker 1: and perhaps the smartest strategy is to feel what you feel,
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Speaker 1: acknowledge the feeling, but realize that the feeling ain't necessarily
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Speaker 1: the fact I'm not good enough. Many times in my life,
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Speaker 1: and I'm sure you at times have had self doubt,
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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, self loathing, and then you've done some thing
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Speaker 1: and you surprised yourself. You went, oh fuck, I did it.
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Speaker 1: Or I'm not that dumb or I'm not that restricted.
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Speaker 1: I actually have If I try, and if I persist,
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Speaker 1: and if I'm brave and if I'm courageous and I
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Speaker 1: take a step and I take a chance, and I
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Speaker 1: make a hard decision and I do a hard thing,
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Speaker 1: guess what, I can actually achieve some pretty cool shit.
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Speaker 1: So the antidote, if you will, not the thing that'll
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Speaker 1: unplug the imposter syndrome overnight. But the antidote is to
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Speaker 1: over time turn down the volume on it by being brave,
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Speaker 1: by doing things that are a challenge for you, that
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Speaker 1: will not only by the way, when we say I'm
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Speaker 1: going to try anyway, and then we start to make progress,
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Speaker 1: we start to get some results. Well, one, the volume
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Speaker 1: on the imposter syndrome and the self doubt and self
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Speaker 1: loathing and all that shit go down. That happens, but
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Speaker 1: also we start to build competence and confidence and understand
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Speaker 1: in our own capacity. Number three on my self sabotage
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Speaker 1: habits list is chronic people pleasing. Oh boy, I could
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Speaker 1: do a whole show on this. I'm not gonna I'm
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Speaker 1: just gonna say that it's nice to be nice, but
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Speaker 1: it's not nice to be an emotional doormat. Some of
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Speaker 1: you have written read my writing on this, some of
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Speaker 1: you have heard me talking about this. You can be
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Speaker 1: You can be a kind person, you can be a
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Speaker 1: compassionate person. You can be a person that what people
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Speaker 1: want to be around, and also be a little bit
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Speaker 1: fucking terrifying because you won't let people dick you around,
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Speaker 1: letting people fuck you around, letting people manipulate you, or
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Speaker 1: control you, or influence you in a way that you
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Speaker 1: don't want to be influenced, or to even coerce you.
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Speaker 1: That's not kindness. That's not you being kind, that's not
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Speaker 1: you being gracious. That's you being scared. And that's you
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Speaker 1: allowing people to do something to you that you shouldn't.
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Speaker 1: Now easier said than done, And this can apply to
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Speaker 1: a range of situations, and there are a million variables
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Speaker 1: around this, but what we know is the bottom line
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Speaker 1: is in broad terms, that being a people pleaser is
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Speaker 1: one a silly idea because you're not going to please
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Speaker 1: everyone no matter what you do. You know that no
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Speaker 1: matter what you do, how hard you try, how much
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Speaker 1: you are the gracious you know, mother, father, brother, sister, friend, employee, employee, whatever,
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Speaker 1: you're not going to keep people happy. And two, it's
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Speaker 1: fucking exhausting. It's exhausting. So you are not built to
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Speaker 1: be a people pleaser. You are built to be a
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Speaker 1: person who can live their values. Hopefully they're kind of
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Speaker 1: honorable values, but live your valuables. Be gracious and kind
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Speaker 1: and thoughtful, but also be willing to say no, hey nah,
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Speaker 1: And when people go why not? You don't need to
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Speaker 1: explain No, not interested. Thanks the end and the moment
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Speaker 1: that you are telling someone know and they are trying
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Speaker 1: to coerce or manipulate you to change that answer to
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Speaker 1: a yes, that's where you need to dig deep, that's
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Speaker 1: where you need to go well fucking definitely no, Because
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Speaker 1: if people are not respecting what you want in terms
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Speaker 1: of your own reality, in your own life, and your
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Speaker 1: own choices and your own behaviors, then they're not friends.
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Speaker 1: For a start, they don't care about you. They're all
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Speaker 1: about themselves, and they're all about what they can get
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Speaker 1: from you, not what they can do for you. My
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Speaker 1: next one is number four is not using our potential,
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Speaker 1: not using our innate ability or talent, not optimizing or
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Speaker 1: at least trying to optimize what we've been given to
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Speaker 1: work with. What we have, our genetics, our brain are talent,
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Speaker 1: the skills that we have, you know, the natural capacity
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Speaker 1: that we were born with to do stuff. So I
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Speaker 1: know that I am you know, I don't think I'm
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Speaker 1: particularly gifted at anything. I think I'm naturally a reasonably
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Speaker 1: good communicator. So I think I am obligated if I
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Speaker 1: want to serve people, if I want to be a
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Speaker 1: good friend and mentor and teacher and podcaster and educator
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Speaker 1: and all of these things that it's in my interest
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Speaker 1: to lean into my potential to optimize that natural ability
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Speaker 1: that I was born with, but also with other things.
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Speaker 1: You know, what is the potential or what is the
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Speaker 1: capacity or what is the possibility of my brain, of
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Speaker 1: my intellect, of my body, of my capacity to create
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Speaker 1: a healthy paradigm for me to live in? But I'm
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Speaker 1: building a reality. I'm building an operating system which is
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Speaker 1: somewhere close to optimal for me, for me, not for
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Speaker 1: anyone else, for me, so that I am doing based
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Speaker 1: on who I want to be and how I want
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Speaker 1: to be, and my values and my beliefs and my
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Speaker 1: ideology and my philosophy. I am building an existence around
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Speaker 1: those things and optimizing and being grateful for what I
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Speaker 1: have to work with. I say this because I meet
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Speaker 1: way too many people who are pretty smart, pretty gifted,
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Speaker 1: pretty talented, got pretty good genetics, got pretty good resources,
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Speaker 1: pretty good opportunities. They're pretty good communicators. They've got a
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Speaker 1: lot to work with, and they're not really working with it.
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Speaker 1: They're working against it because their default setting is set
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Speaker 1: to comfort or instant gratification or convenience, or not being fearful,
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Speaker 1: not leaning into the uncertainty, not leaning into the thing
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Speaker 1: that scares them, the right thing, but the scary thing.
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Speaker 1: We need to step up, not down. And you know,
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Speaker 1: here's the thing we're all going to I know I
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Speaker 1: say this a lot, but it's true. We're all going
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Speaker 1: to wake up in a minute, and it's going to
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Speaker 1: be twenty thirty, it's going to be five years down
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Speaker 1: the track. And some people sadly listening to this right now,
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Speaker 1: Some people right now listening to this will still be
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Speaker 1: wasting their potential. They'll still be talking about things they're
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Speaker 1: not going to do. They'll talk about doing them, but
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Speaker 1: they're not going to do them. They'll still talk about
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Speaker 1: the things they want to do be create and change
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Speaker 1: and do nothing or next to nothing. There will also
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Speaker 1: be people listening right now, and I hope you're one
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Speaker 1: of them that goes, fuck it. I don't want to
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Speaker 1: be that, I don't want to do that. I'm a
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Speaker 1: bit scared, I'm a bit uncomfortable, I'm a bit un certain.
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Speaker 1: All of that's okay. I'm going to embrace that and
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Speaker 1: I'm going to take all of that on and I
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Speaker 1: want to see what I can do, even me at
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Speaker 1: sixty one, I'm fucking fascinated with my potential. Not because
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Speaker 1: I think I'm special. I know I'm not special, But
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Speaker 1: I'm fascinated with, well, what what can a sixty one
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Speaker 1: year old with average genetics and a bit of education
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Speaker 1: and a good attitude, who makes good decisions, who creates
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Speaker 1: good habits, who lives a certain lifestyle, who has a
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Speaker 1: certain focus, who chooses a certain path. What can that
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Speaker 1: guy do? Like? What can I do? And that ain't
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Speaker 1: about ego. That's about for me, that's about curiosity. That's
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Speaker 1: about I want to wake up when I'm sixty five
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Speaker 1: and go, fuck, I think I'm as good as when
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Speaker 1: I'm sixty or fifty, or maybe I'm a little bit better,
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Speaker 1: or maybe this particular area of my life I've actually
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Speaker 1: improved and grown and evolved, and I'm sixty five, and
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Speaker 1: at sixty five, I'm the best version of me regarding
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Speaker 1: this particular composing of my life. I'm the best version
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Speaker 1: of me that I've ever been. Maybe I'm a better
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Speaker 1: communicator or listener or teacher or coach or mentor, or
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Speaker 1: maybe I'm better at self regulating or whatever it is.
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Speaker 1: Or maybe I can do more chins than when I
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Speaker 1: was thirty. Who the fuck knows. But if you're not
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Speaker 1: consciously optimizing your potential and your talent and your natural ability,
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Speaker 1: you're wasting it. Number five, Oh wow, time's flying. Number
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Speaker 1: five will not surprise anyone, especially coming from me. The
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Speaker 1: next way that we self sabotage is we do dumb
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Speaker 1: shit to our body. We consciously do dumb shit in
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Speaker 1: that we choose it. We put things in our body,
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Speaker 1: a range of things, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, crap.
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Speaker 1: Let's just put it all under the banner of crap.
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Speaker 1: We do dumb things to our body. We undersleep, we
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Speaker 1: undernourish while overfeeding. There's a thought undernourishing while overfeeding. Our
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Speaker 1: incidental activity is minimal because we spend our life sitting
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Speaker 1: in chairs, some of us. And so this one amazing,
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Speaker 1: beautiful gift that we have called the human body. You've
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Speaker 1: got one, I've got one. You can't get a new one.
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Speaker 1: I can't get a new one. And when do most
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Speaker 1: people think about stop doing the dumb shit? Or when
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Speaker 1: do they think about stopping the dumb shit? I should say,
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Speaker 1: when do they think about that? Seriously? Well, usually when
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Speaker 1: they're terrified, usually when something bad has happened, or they've
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Speaker 1: been given some bad news, or they've been backed into
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Speaker 1: a physiological or medical corner. And now if they don't
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Speaker 1: change their operating system, if they don't stop doing the
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Speaker 1: dumb shit to their body, they're fucked. If I get
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Speaker 1: too scientific at any stage, let me know and I'll
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Speaker 1: simplify it, right, But this is what we do. I
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Speaker 1: don't need to go on any further, but you know,
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Speaker 1: you know the things that you do to your body
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Speaker 1: that are bad for your body. Our challenge with this
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Speaker 1: is to be able to delay gratification. Yes, I know,
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Speaker 1: the peta, the donut, the ice cream, the whatever. By
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Speaker 1: the way, I'm not saying never have any of that.
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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that. I'm saying everything comes at a cost.
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Speaker 1: Putting crap food, low nutritional value food, too much food,
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Speaker 1: putting cigarettes, putting drugs, putting excessive booze in your body,
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Speaker 1: under resting your body, undersleeping your body, overstressing your body
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Speaker 1: in a bad way. All of these things have significant consequences.
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Speaker 1: And when we do this dumb shit to our body,
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Speaker 1: we are literally, not metaphorically or figuratively, we are literally
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Speaker 1: decreasing our lifespan. We are decreasing our health span. We
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Speaker 1: are decreasing our own energy and health and the effectiveness
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Speaker 1: of our immune system and our brain function and our
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Speaker 1: cellular health every day by choosing to do the thing
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Speaker 1: that is not good for or optimal for our body.
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Speaker 1: Don't wait for an invitation, don't wait for some kind
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Speaker 1: of sign. Don't wait for the angels to appear on
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Speaker 1: the window to give you some kind of revelation, cosmic
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Speaker 1: or divine intervention, like if you need one, this is it.
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Speaker 1: This is it. Number six confirmation bias. Here's a thing
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Speaker 1: we do. We only pay attention to the eye and
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Speaker 1: the stories and the beliefs that reflect us. We cherry
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Speaker 1: pick the evidence that proves that we're right. And I
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Speaker 1: like being right. We like being right because being right
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Speaker 1: makes us feel good about us. Being right makes us
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Speaker 1: feel self righteous about our decisions and our choices and
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Speaker 1: our operating system and our lifestyle. And we know that
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Speaker 1: we are right, and so therefore everyone else in the
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Speaker 1: world who doesn't agree with us, everyone who isn't in
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Speaker 1: our little echo chamber of confirmation bias, everyone who doesn't
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Speaker 1: live in our little thought cult or theological cult or
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Speaker 1: behavioral cult, or exercise cult or eating cult or whatever
20:50
Speaker 1: the fucking cult is. There are a million of political
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Speaker 1: cult I could go on. All the people that don't
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Speaker 1: live in our echo chamber or our cult. They the
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Speaker 1: enemy and they're wrong. And so we go through life
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Speaker 1: because we don't want to be wrong. We don't want
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Speaker 1: to be embarrassed. We don't want to have to undo
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Speaker 1: anything or unlearn anything, because that's real hard and we
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Speaker 1: like easy. That's real uncomfortable, and we like comfortable. So
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Speaker 1: it's much easier to tell ourselves the story that we
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Speaker 1: are not wrong. I am not wrong. I know I'm
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Speaker 1: not wrong, because when I say that I know that
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Speaker 1: I am right about this particular issue, then I'm also
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Speaker 1: saying everyone in the world who doesn't agree with Craig
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Speaker 1: Harper on this issue is wrong. Wow, that's fucking arrogant. Also,
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Speaker 1: and in other breaking news, also, I have been wrong
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Speaker 1: about so many things in my life. How arrogant would
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Speaker 1: I be to now think, at sixty one, having gotten
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Speaker 1: a million things wrong and been you know, embarrassed and
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Speaker 1: totally inept and totally incore with many things that I
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Speaker 1: would now think at sixty one. I absolutely know I
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Speaker 1: am absolutely right, and any piece of information or any message,
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Speaker 1: or any story or anything that comes across my path
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Speaker 1: of awareness that doesn't align with me, I don't listen
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Speaker 1: to it. I don't pay attention to it. I don't
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Speaker 1: respect it. Well. That one, that's a stupid way to live.
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Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean that, of course you're wrong all
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Speaker 1: the time about everything. Of course, it doesn't mean that.
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Speaker 1: It just means that we are wrong often, and opening
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Speaker 1: ourselves to other people's thoughts and ideas is not weakness.
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Speaker 1: It's humility, it's objectivity. You might you might say, look,
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Speaker 1: this is what I think, I think ABC, Craig thinks
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Speaker 1: d EF. I'm pretty sure ABC is right. Craig's pretty
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Speaker 1: sure about DF. I'm just going to park ABC for
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Speaker 1: a moments. I still think that, I still believe that,
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Speaker 1: but I'm going to open the door, and I'm going
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Speaker 1: to try to open the door without bias, and I'm
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Speaker 1: going to try to listen. I'm going to try to
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Speaker 1: be curious, not condemning, so I might consider something else. Now,
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Speaker 1: you might do all of that, a real exercise in
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Speaker 1: hopefully objectivity and self awareness and curiosity, and you might
23:22
Speaker 1: come back having considered my story or my philosophy or
23:25
Speaker 1: my ideology, and you might circle back to your version
23:29
Speaker 1: of what is which is ABC, and you might go,
23:31
Speaker 1: I consider DF, but I don't think so. I really
23:35
Speaker 1: did consider it, though, and I would go good for you.
23:38
Speaker 1: And by the way, you being in the ABC paradigm
23:42
Speaker 1: and me being in the dof paradigm. That doesn't mean
23:45
Speaker 1: that we've got to be opposition. That doesn't mean we've
23:48
Speaker 1: got to go to war. In fact, we could probably
23:50
Speaker 1: have for most things different ideas and different beliefs and
23:55
Speaker 1: still probably be pretty fucking good friends. There's a crazy
23:59
Speaker 1: idea we probably don't have to hate each other. Amazing.
24:04
Speaker 1: I've got four to go. I better be quick because
24:06
Speaker 1: I've got to go to the gym in ten minutes. Bucket,
24:08
Speaker 1: you fuck. Number seven is waiting for the right time.
24:12
Speaker 1: Some of us have been waiting for the right time,
24:15
Speaker 1: the mystical, mythical, magical right time, the right time. It's
24:18
Speaker 1: not the right time. It's a timing issue. I don't
24:22
Speaker 1: have data on this, but I've had thousands of conversations
24:26
Speaker 1: with thousands of people about this. My guess, your honor,
24:29
Speaker 1: this is my guess. This is my observation. This is
24:31
Speaker 1: my experience, this is my anecdotal evidence. My thinking is
24:37
Speaker 1: that it's a time issue for about ninety percent of us.
24:43
Speaker 1: Is not true. But we like to say it's not
24:46
Speaker 1: about me, it's about time, because then if it's about time,
24:50
Speaker 1: it's not my fault, because there's twenty four hours in
24:54
Speaker 1: a day. I just want to do it. It's not
24:57
Speaker 1: about me. I have the motivation and I have the will,
25:00
Speaker 1: and I recognize that I need to do it, but
25:03
Speaker 1: right now I just can't because I don't have the time. Now,
25:07
Speaker 1: sometimes that's true, but when you see the person five
25:11
Speaker 1: years down the track and they're still telling you the
25:13
Speaker 1: same story about the same thing that they should change,
25:16
Speaker 1: and five years later they still don't have the time,
25:20
Speaker 1: then probably it's not a time issue. Number eight is
25:25
Speaker 1: waiting for an opportunity to present itself. It's so funny
25:33
Speaker 1: how many people say to me something like I never
25:37
Speaker 1: get an opportunity, Like somebody is going to bang on
25:41
Speaker 1: their door and go that ah on a silver tray
25:43
Speaker 1: with a ribbon on it. Good ay, Dave, here it
25:46
Speaker 1: is your opportunity. You welcome, and then you get the
25:50
Speaker 1: opportunity and you do all the right things and you
25:53
Speaker 1: turn the opportunity into a raging success and bibbity bobby boo,
25:59
Speaker 1: thank goodness. Or here's another idea. What if we create opportunities.
26:07
Speaker 1: What if instead of waiting for someone to ask me,
26:11
Speaker 1: for example, to start a podcast, what if I started
26:15
Speaker 1: a podcast with no invitation and what if it failed?
26:18
Speaker 1: Which it did the first one, and what if the
26:20
Speaker 1: second one failed that also did, and the third one
26:23
Speaker 1: that also did, and then the fourth one, which is
26:25
Speaker 1: the one you're listening to now, the You Project, Well,
26:28
Speaker 1: that also failed for six hundred episodes. In that I
26:31
Speaker 1: was commercially losing go and going backwards. Eventually, eventually it
26:37
Speaker 1: kind of worked. We built some momentum, we got a
26:39
Speaker 1: few sponsors, we made a few bucks, and here we
26:42
Speaker 1: are now. And how did we get here? Not because
26:45
Speaker 1: somebody from Nova contacted me and said, harps, we think
26:49
Speaker 1: you're great. We want to give you an opportunity to
26:53
Speaker 1: do a podcast. No, and I never say things like
26:57
Speaker 1: this about myself, but the truth is I work like
26:59
Speaker 1: a mother fuck. I took the risk, I paid the money,
27:02
Speaker 1: I got uncomfortable, I fucked up a thousand times, and
27:04
Speaker 1: it grew. There was no opportunity on a silver platter.
27:10
Speaker 1: But I created an opportunity and I built on the
27:13
Speaker 1: opportunity and it became a thing. And you can create
27:17
Speaker 1: your own opportunities. And I've spent because here's the funny
27:21
Speaker 1: thing for me, because I've never been recognized. Nobody's ever gone, hey,
27:26
Speaker 1: you're a fucking superstar. We want to give you an
27:28
Speaker 1: opportunity that's literally never happened to me ever. In my life.
27:33
Speaker 1: My life has been about thinking, this is where I am,
27:35
Speaker 1: that's where I want to be. How do I get there?
27:39
Speaker 1: Do I sit on the couch and wait for the
27:41
Speaker 1: knock on the door? Or do I ask questions? Do
27:44
Speaker 1: I do research? Do I talk to people? Do I
27:47
Speaker 1: gain knowledge? Then do I start the wheels turning? Do
27:50
Speaker 1: I make it? Of course, this is literally just the
27:52
Speaker 1: process of creating an opportunity. We create the opportunity, we
28:00
Speaker 1: create the process, we create the outcome. If somebody does
28:04
Speaker 1: happen to come to the metaphoric front door, great, and
28:09
Speaker 1: I'm all for it. Like I'm I'm super happy for
28:12
Speaker 1: people who do get presented with opportunities, but they are
28:17
Speaker 1: in the minority, the majority of us. For the majority
28:22
Speaker 1: of our time, we'll need to create these opportunities ourselves.
28:27
Speaker 1: My second last one is in terms of how we
28:30
Speaker 1: get in our own way. This is a bit deep.
28:34
Speaker 1: Is we allow ourselves to be a character in someone
28:37
Speaker 1: else's story. And by that, I mean we don't really
28:44
Speaker 1: choose our path. We let other people choose it for us.
28:48
Speaker 1: We become what is expected of us. We become who
28:53
Speaker 1: they think we should be. It's almost like they choose
28:57
Speaker 1: our path and purpose and belief and value use and
29:01
Speaker 1: job and academic path and all of these things. And
29:04
Speaker 1: then we wake up and we're twenty five or thirty
29:07
Speaker 1: or sometimes fifty, and we realize I've basically been doing
29:12
Speaker 1: a version of what people tell me to do or
29:16
Speaker 1: want me to do, or expect me to do forever.
29:21
Speaker 1: And here I am, and I've done all of these things.
29:24
Speaker 1: And now I'm thirty or forty or fifty or sixty,
29:27
Speaker 1: And honestly, I don't love my situation. I don't love it.
29:33
Speaker 1: I don't love my job. I in fact, I don't
29:36
Speaker 1: like this Actually wasn't my choice. This is where I
29:40
Speaker 1: am and how I am and who I am, and
29:42
Speaker 1: my current situation is really just a byproduct of a
29:47
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff that for much of it I didn't choose.
29:52
Speaker 1: So this aligns with old blend these in this aligns
29:56
Speaker 1: with number ten, which is not living in tensionally right,
30:01
Speaker 1: And so by that I mean we are some of
30:06
Speaker 1: us are living almost as like I said, a character
30:09
Speaker 1: in someone else's story. We're living reactively and defensively. Not
30:15
Speaker 1: so much are we consciously and intentionally and proactively creating
30:21
Speaker 1: our own path and journey based on what we want,
30:26
Speaker 1: who we want to be, what we know, what our
30:30
Speaker 1: values are, what we determine success to be. Now, this
30:37
Speaker 1: is not selfish, this is self aware. You don't have
30:43
Speaker 1: to become what people want. In fact, when you are
30:47
Speaker 1: becoming what people want you to be, you're moving away
30:52
Speaker 1: from your core nature. You're moving away from who you
30:57
Speaker 1: are at your core. And if people need you to
31:04
Speaker 1: be a certain way to fit into their paradigm, that's
31:08
Speaker 1: not love. That's not kindness kindness. That's manipulation and control.
31:14
Speaker 1: And there are a lot of people in the world
31:17
Speaker 1: who love to manage and control and coerce and manipulate people,
31:24
Speaker 1: even people they in inverted Comma's love because it suits them.
31:32
Speaker 1: And the moment that the person you or me go hey,
31:36
Speaker 1: that's cool, I know that you really love that and
31:38
Speaker 1: want that. I don't love that. I don't want that.
31:41
Speaker 1: What I want is this and the moment that you
31:45
Speaker 1: get clarity about who you are and who you want
31:48
Speaker 1: to be, and your path and your values and your
31:50
Speaker 1: purpose and your meaning and your direction and you really
31:55
Speaker 1: know that. And then if they protest, if they try
31:58
Speaker 1: to get in the way, that's alarm bell time. So
32:03
Speaker 1: in a loving way, fuck them. You don't need to
32:06
Speaker 1: control them, you don't need to tell them how to live.
32:10
Speaker 1: You can let them be them. You can still love
32:12
Speaker 1: them and care about them. But the moment that they're
32:16
Speaker 1: trying to write your story is the moment that you
32:19
Speaker 1: should step away, if not literally metaphorically. All right, kids,
32:25
Speaker 1: I think that was all right. Listen to me pumping
32:28
Speaker 1: up my own tires. I love this stuff. How good
32:30
Speaker 1: is this stuff? Anyway? Have a good day. If you
32:35
Speaker 1: think this was of interest to maybe or of value
32:39
Speaker 1: to someone else, you know, do me a favor and
32:42
Speaker 1: maybe them a favor and share it with them if
32:44
Speaker 1: you would see you next time.