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What Happens When You Fall In Love With A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what really happens when you fall in love with a narcissist?
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  Like what goes through your mind?
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  Who are you actually falling in love with?
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  And it's the narcissist follow falling in love with you as
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  well. That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:18
  Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Cope.
• 0:38
  So boom, welcome, what's going on folks?
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  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:41
  So we're doing vlog style today. I'm sitting in my car.
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  I was like, I haven't done a video in the car in a while,
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  Let's get it. Let's pop a video in the car and
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  see how things go, y'all, Because I had a thought.
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  I had a Live Today and somebody was just like, yeah man, when I
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  fell in love with a narcissist, this is what happened.
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  And I was just like, you know what?
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  That's the same phenomenon that a lot of people experience when
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  they fall in love with the narcissist.
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  Now, what phenomenon am I referring to?
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  It's the phenomenon of drum roll, please.
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  Falling in love with yourself. And I know this sounds
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  narcissistic on the surface, right?
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  When I say you fell in love with yourself, that sounds like you
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  fell in love with your like, it sound like you're looking in the
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  mirror like Narcissus, like Narcissus, the very first
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  narcissist who drowned looking at his own reflection, right?
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  No, but it's not what I'm talking about when I say you
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  fell in love with yourself is the fact that in the beginning,
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  when you were first meeting a narcissist, a lot of the time
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  what happens is they mirror you. They are mirroring you.
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  They are taking on your likes and dislikes, the things that
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  you want, the things that you like, the things that you crave.
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  Somehow, some way, shape or form, they crave the exact same
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  things. Isn't that weird?
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  Isn't it strange how how it works?
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  Isn't it strange how that works when narcissistic people, toxic
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  people do this type of stuff right here?
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  Isn't it? Isn't it very peculiar, right,
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  how they like the same exact things that you like They have
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  the same type of they they they fought the same interest that
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  you have. Isn't that very peculiar right
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  now let me play devil's advocate, right?
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  Could they have the could y'all have things in common?
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  Yes, but to have too many things in common, that should make the
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  red flags start to fly, right? The red flags should absolutely
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  be flying. If you have too many things in
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  common or or or if they're talking, if you were talking 1st
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  and they're responding to you, if they're responding to the
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  things that you like and this the things that you like and not
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  the things that you like, that's a difference that shows you that
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  they are mirroring you. So you have to be very careful
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  like this. So when you are falling in love
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  with a narcissist, you're, you are really genuinely falling in
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  love with yourself, right? So I know, and I know this
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  sounds crazy as hell, because a lot of times what ends up
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  happening in toxic relationships is the narcissist or toxic
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  person or whatever strips you of yourself worth and your value.
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  They clown you, they pick on you, they nitpick, they
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  traumatize you, they abuse you, right?
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  They belittle you, they invalidate you, they lie to you,
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  they do all these type of stuff, they all these type of things to
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  you when in fact they copied you from the beginning.
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  Now not every single narcissist is going to be a mirror right?
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  But a lot of us are. I'm a narcissist.
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  Like I said this y'all probably hear me say this in a in a few
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  more videos before they're like my personality.
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  My personality as you see it right now is an accumulation of
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  all the personality characteristics or the traits
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  that I have seen and admired in other people that I've been
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  jealous of that I liked. And I wanted to make those a
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  part of who I am. I wanted to make their
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  personality characteristics a part of who I actually am.
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  So what I'm happening is I took on that personality.
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  I became like them, right? I mirrored them.
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  I mirrored my friends, I mirrored my family members, I
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  mirrored my partners and Demner took on their identity because I
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  lacked my own. Doesn't that make sense to you?
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  Right? Doesn't it?
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  But I also say this. It's not just in intimate
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  relationships when narcissists mirror you, right?
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  They can mirror you as a friend. They can mirror you as your
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  your, your sibling, your cousin, your Co worker, right?
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  You're you're yo. And this is gonna sound really
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  crazy. Your enemies can mirror you as
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  well. I know that sounds crazy as
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  hell, but imagine somebody hating you so damn much.
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  Then they started to act like you.
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  They hate you because they, you know what's that movie?
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  The The Interview with Seth Rogen and damn, I forgot his
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  name. James Franco, when he was like,
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  they hate us 'cause they ain't us.
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  They hate you because they ain't you.
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  So they take on your personality characteristics and your
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  personality traits and try to become you because they don't
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  like you or they're jealous of you, they right?
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  They might really like you or might really like your
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  personality, right? Might really like your traits
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  and characteristics, right? But they don't want you to know
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  it. They don't want you to feel
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  good. They don't want to, they don't
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  want to hype your self esteem up and things like that.
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  So they try to take it away from you.
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  Doesn't it make sense to you of how that flows right there?
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  That flow is crazy, isn't it? Because sometimes even your
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  enemies can mirror you, right? So narcissistic people are going
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  to mirror you when they fall in love with you or, or, or when
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  they fall in loathe with you, when they don't like you, when
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  they can't stand, when they pretend they can't stand your
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  ass, they're still going to mirror you right there.
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  So love is different for narcissistic people.
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  I know, I know, I know a lot of people going to say that as
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  well. Y'all, you get to the beginning.
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  You like. Well, Lee, the premise of your
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  video is flawed already because narcissists can never love you.
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  Narcissists never love. They never care about anybody.
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  I understand that dynamic. I understand thinking that as
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  well, right? I don't know who this is.
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  I understand thinking that as well and feeling that and trying
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  to vibe with that. But narcissists, a lot of
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  narcissists do have the ability to love you on a certain level
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  to in a certain extent, but it might not be up to the quality
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  of love that you need, right? It might not be up to the
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  quality of love that you are craving or that you want and
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  whatnot. So you have to watch out for
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  that too, because there are a lot of narcissistic people that
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  fall into the category whatever abuse, they abuse the hell out
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  of you, right? So going forward, when that
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  narcissistic person is talking trash to you or they're trying
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  to belittle you or they're trying to hurt your feelings,
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  always remember that they mirrored you from the beginning.
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  They if they hate you so much right now, why didn't they just
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  leave you alone in the beginning, right?
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  If they, it's especially what ends up happening with
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  narcissists. Like when you fall in love with
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  them. Like not only do you fall in
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  love with yourself, they hate this stuff that they, they hate
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  this stuff in the beginning that they like, right?
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  My words got jumbled up. The same things that they like
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  in the beginning, they turn around and hate later on, which
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  happens to so many people, right?
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  Which happens to narcissist, which happens.
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  Like they might admire your willingness to put yourself out
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  there, your willingness to talk to anybody, your friendliness,
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  right? But then later on in the
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  relationship, you're a whore. You talk too damn much, you're
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  too friendly for the same characteristics, so it's kind of
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  crazy how it happens y'all? Another thing, not only do you
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  fall in love with yourself when you fall in love with a
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  narcissist. Once a narcissist feels like
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  they have you hooked, a lot of time they all start to pull the
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  love away. Like your undying love for them
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  can actually trigger the devaluation phase, as crazy as
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  that sounds. Your undying love with you,
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  right? That your undying love for them
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  can actually trigger them to treat you worse?
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  I know that's crazy. I know that sounds foolish.
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  I know that sounds ignorant as hell, but that's really
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  realistically the mindset. Like once they feel like they
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  have you hooked, they feel like they can pull the love away and
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  it becomes a game for the, IT becomes a game.
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  Push, pull back, forth, up, down, left, right in that game.
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  A lot of time can get you addicted to this person.
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  You imagine being addicted to this person because they're
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  playing a game with you, they're getting inside of your mind,
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  they're messing with you and things like that, right?
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  That's crazy as hell. It really is.
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  That's the mind that that really is what goes on.
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  That's how I feel like as you grow, as you heal, as you are
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  moving forward, understand that you when you fell in love with a
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  narcissist, you probably fell in love with the the their
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  representative, right? This is not who they really are
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  in the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist,
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  they show you who they can be. Narcissists show you who they
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  can be who they again, y'all who they can be, not who they
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  actually are. So that's one thing you got to
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  talk about that you got to think about as well.
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  They show you who they can be now, who they are.
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  So when you fall in love with a narcissist, you're actually
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  falling in love with the person who they show you they could be.
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  You're falling in love with their potential, which is why so
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  many people try to go back to the beginning.
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  Like when y'all breaking up, when you start cheating on you
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  or they're yelling at you, just start being abusive towards you.
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  So many people try to go back to the beginning.
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  They want to go back to the beginning.
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  They want to go back to the very first person they met.
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  They want to go back to the representative.
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  You see, you want to go back to the person you thought you were,
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  the person you thought you were meeting, the person you thought
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  you were going to be with. You want to go back to this
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  person, which makes sense because they showed you who they
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  could be and you fell in love with who they could be, not who
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  they actually are. Because when, like I said, when
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  you fall in love with it, let me put my narcissist's hat on real
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  quick, y'all. I ain't gonna hold y'all too
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  much longer. When I put my hat up, I put my
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  narcissist's hat on, right? And I try to dig deep into my
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  subconscious mind. What I think is like when you
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  fall in love with me doing the stuff that I don't actually want
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  to do. You fall in love with me doing
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  the stuff that I really don't care for.
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  I'm pretending like the stuff that I'm pretending about.
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  You fall in love with this. I don't think you'll like the
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  real me. So This is why I feel like I
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  need to pretend. So if you fall in love with the
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  fake me, there's no way that you can love the real me.
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  So when the real me pops up, it's the relationship can get
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  crazy. Yeah.
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  Narcissist. You gotta take my narcissist's
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  hat off, y'all? When I the hat, the narcissist's
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  hat don't fit, don't fit as good as it used to be, right?
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  It doesn't fit as good as it used to.
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  It's still it's still snuggly. It just don't fit as good as it
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  used to. So it's just like when they
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  fall, when you fall in love with the narcissist, sometimes they
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  can feel less than. I know this sounds crazy, but
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  when I'm thinking about it, the way my mind thinks, the way my
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  mind is working right now, I'm just feeling this.
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  This is how I'm feeling right now, right?
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  This is the mentality. This is how I work.
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  This is how everything works. I feel like as long as you keep
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  moving forward and understand that you felt like, of course,
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  of course you fell in love with an illusion, you fell in love
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  with the representative, right? And sometimes, let me, let me
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  pick devil, the devil's advocate again.
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  Sometimes you can actually fall in love with bits and pieces of
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  who they really are because not No2 narcissists are the same.
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  Not every single narcissist is 100% pretending upfront.
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  There are some narcissistic people who are trying to put
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  their best foot forward sometimes and they but they
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  still end up lying to being manipulative.
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  They go into it with a mindset of just like I'm going to be the
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  best version of myself for you and whatnot.
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  And then they still and whatnot and they still end up lying to
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  being manipulative and cheating and doing all the other kind of
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  craziness. And that happens too y'all.
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  So the next time as you moving forward, if you're still, a lot
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  of y'all are still in relationships with narcissistic
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  people, right? And a lot of y'all have healed
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  from it or going through it or trying to heal, then I get that,
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  right? So just understand, when you
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  fell in love with a narcissist, a lot of times you end up
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  falling in love 100% with yourself.
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  That means that you have good qualities.
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  That means that you're worth mirroring.
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  That means that you are worth something, so don't let them
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  convince you otherwise. Are you not worth you?
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  Worthless. I'm so worthless.
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  Why you act like me, why you take on my personal active
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  characteristics? Why you take on the things that
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  I like to do? Why?
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  Why you pick up my hobbies? Is that I'm so worthless?
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  That's question you have questions that need answer
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  anyway. Y'all, my son is headed to the
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  car. Y'all get ready to get ready to
• 12:27
  head home if you haven't. If you don't know, my next in
• 12:31
  person workshops are April the 5th 2025 and April the 12th,
• 12:36
  2025 in Saint Louis on the 5th and Durham, NC on the 12th so
• 12:41
  you can register for that at mentalillness.net/events.
• 12:45
  Check that out Mental illness.net/events.
• 12:49
  Thank y'all for tuning in. And as always y'all turn those
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  notifications on and I'm out. Peace.
• 12:55
  Before you go, make sure that you hit that subscribe button if
• 12:57
  you haven't already y'all. Also you can find my coaching,
• 13:02
  my courses, my one on ones, everything is available at my
• 13:04
  website, mentalillness.net, kids book, self love journal.
• 13:08
  Also check out joining the channel memberships as well.
• 13:10
  Y'all thank you so much for being here.
• 13:12
  I'm super grateful I'm out. Peace.