Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #634 Diagnosis Dialogue

Transcript

#634 Diagnosis Dialogue · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 2: Now, there's one path. Go to school, get good grades,
0:13
Speaker 2: get it in university, get a successful, high paying job,
0:16
Speaker 2: have a big mortgage, woman a fancy suburb, drive a
0:18
Speaker 2: nice car. And we've got to reject that it's unhealthy
0:22
Speaker 2: at every level for ninety percent of the population.
0:25
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
0:29
Speaker 1: and dad.
0:29
Speaker 2: I want to say something that's very important right before. No,
0:33
Speaker 2: it's not actually that important. I'm making it sound like
0:35
Speaker 2: it's a major announcement. It's not. But if you listen
0:37
Speaker 2: to yesterday's interview with Paul Dylan about kids going to
0:39
Speaker 2: school is especially in Bali, and heard the conversation that
0:41
Speaker 2: I had with him about how we have a daughter
0:43
Speaker 2: who's thinking back going to Bali because she's only got
0:45
Speaker 2: one exam to go and she can't wait for school
0:46
Speaker 2: to be over so she can celebrate two things.
0:49
Speaker 3: First of all, you kind of made it sound like
0:52
Speaker 3: she was heating over their tip partie.
0:54
Speaker 2: No, I reckon, Paul made it sound like she was
0:56
Speaker 2: heading over there to party.
0:57
Speaker 3: I did nearly die when I heard the interview the
1:01
Speaker 3: reality is she was going over with a friend, yes,
1:04
Speaker 3: and the family a handful of friends. But the family
1:06
Speaker 3: was going through.
1:06
Speaker 2: The family holiday for schoolies. Yeah so, but but Barley's
1:09
Speaker 2: off the agenda. Anyway, that didn't work out, and we've
1:13
Speaker 2: discovered in the last twenty four hours that she's going
1:15
Speaker 2: to stay local and do something really small and really
1:17
Speaker 2: away from all of the drama and all the hype.
1:19
Speaker 2: And I'm breathing so much easier, she's I'm glad.
1:22
Speaker 3: You're breathing so much easier, because I'm still not. So
1:24
Speaker 3: it's still a big deal to let your eighteen year
1:27
Speaker 3: old just walk out the door and disappear for a week.
1:30
Speaker 2: Yeah. We've done it a couple of times already though,
1:32
Speaker 2: And she's a great kid, and her intentions and her
1:36
Speaker 2: friends are both excellent. So if you have an older child,
1:40
Speaker 2: maybe one finishing year twelve, who's thinking about school is,
1:43
Speaker 2: you've got to listen to yesterday's interview with Paul Dylan. Anyway, Kylie,
1:46
Speaker 2: Today we're answering the question that we were supposed to
1:48
Speaker 2: answer yesterday, but for a range of reasons, we had
1:51
Speaker 2: to talk to Paul yesterday. So let me read this
1:54
Speaker 2: question to you from one of our Happy Families listeners who, oh,
1:57
Speaker 2: you know what I need to say this. I just
2:00
Speaker 2: our stats yesterday with our podcast people. We're closing in
2:03
Speaker 2: on we have people. We have we have podcast people,
2:06
Speaker 2: people who look after things. Two things, two things. First
2:09
Speaker 2: of all, we've been nominated and been pushed through as
2:12
Speaker 2: a finalist for Best Parenting Podcast in Australia with the
2:17
Speaker 2: upcoming Australian Podcast Awards which are just a couple of
2:21
Speaker 2: weeks away now. So we're in the mix with five
2:23
Speaker 2: other top Aussie podcasts. Who are they a competition? We've
2:28
Speaker 2: got our mate and his dad podcast star Power right there. Yeah,
2:35
Speaker 2: we're up against Usher. Our friend Maggie Dent and her
2:38
Speaker 2: ABC Parental as Anything podcast is another one of our competitors.
2:43
Speaker 2: There is a podcast that's out there called My Bilingual Family,
2:47
Speaker 2: which is a podcast that I haven't listened to. I
2:49
Speaker 2: don't know what it's like, but it's about parents are
2:51
Speaker 2: speaking one language and kids are speaking another. Sometimes I
2:54
Speaker 2: think they could be any family, but yeah, we're talking
2:57
Speaker 2: specifically about families where people have got English as a
3:01
Speaker 2: second language as the adults, the parents in the family,
3:04
Speaker 2: but the kids of growing up here in Australia with
3:06
Speaker 2: English as their main language. There's a podcast called No
3:09
Speaker 2: Need for Prince Charming. I have no idea what that
3:11
Speaker 2: one's about. And the Tired Mummy Podcast. I think the
3:14
Speaker 2: title says everything when it comes to the Bear parenting podcast,
3:18
Speaker 2: the Tired Mummy podcast. So they're are there are competitors.
3:20
Speaker 2: I wish them all very well. I think the fact
3:22
Speaker 2: that we've got that many great parenting podcasts around who
3:25
Speaker 2: have made it to the finals, not to mention all
3:26
Speaker 2: the ones that didn't, pretty cool stuff. So the Australian
3:29
Speaker 2: Podcast Awards coming up soon where a finalist hopefully will
3:31
Speaker 2: be a winner one day. Maybe.
3:33
Speaker 3: I think it's just pretty cool that we're sounding the
3:35
Speaker 3: same line ass to be honest.
3:36
Speaker 2: Right well, whether we get whether we make the what
3:41
Speaker 2: are you saying? You just want to be an Ash's line?
3:42
Speaker 2: Is that what you're saying? Chisel Joy, that's fabulous hair.
3:47
Speaker 2: His hair is just always perfect, that gravelly voice for.
3:51
Speaker 3: This stay at home mum. I think it's pretty cool.
3:52
Speaker 2: Okay, Kylie, let's talk about today's podcast. But what I
3:56
Speaker 2: was going to say is three million. We're closing in
3:58
Speaker 2: on three million downloads for the year.
4:01
Speaker 3: That's crazy because only a couple of months ago you
4:03
Speaker 3: told me that we'd hit the two million.
4:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep, it's absolutely skyrocketing. So to everyone who's listening,
4:09
Speaker 2: thank you for making us as popular as we are.
4:13
Speaker 2: I guess in that there's that many downloads, but also
4:15
Speaker 2: that we're a finalist. We just so appreciate that you
4:18
Speaker 2: listen and get something out of the podcast, and that
4:21
Speaker 2: it makes you family happier. It's great. I want to
4:23
Speaker 2: talk about our question for today because it's a really,
4:27
Speaker 2: I think, really important question that's come through from somebody
4:29
Speaker 2: who's dealing with the child with a whole lot of needs.
4:31
Speaker 2: But even if your kids don't have needs, my sense
4:34
Speaker 2: is you'll really relate to aspects of this question. So
4:37
Speaker 2: this comes from Mandy, who asks, I've been listening to
4:41
Speaker 2: your podcast for a while now. I tend to binge
4:43
Speaker 2: listen when I get time on my own in the car.
4:45
Speaker 2: My daughter has many challenges with ADHD and autism and
4:50
Speaker 2: now to add to the collection of labels, dyslexia. She's
4:54
Speaker 2: only eight years old and really a happy child. I've
4:58
Speaker 2: had to challenge my own thinking lately of what a happy,
5:01
Speaker 2: fulfilled life is. I've always thought as long as she
5:04
Speaker 2: can read and write, she'll be fine. But I'm now
5:06
Speaker 2: stuck as this may not happen for her. She may
5:08
Speaker 2: not read and write efficiently, and what does that mean
5:11
Speaker 2: for her? This latest diagnosis is new and what I'm
5:14
Speaker 2: finding difficult to accept, maybe because I yet to educate
5:18
Speaker 2: myself about it. My question is when a child has
5:22
Speaker 2: so many challenges, how do I explain these to her?
5:26
Speaker 2: We've spoken about her ADHD because she's medicated, and for
5:30
Speaker 2: her to understand and take the meds, I needed to
5:32
Speaker 2: explain how they help her, what's in it for her.
5:36
Speaker 2: I'm yet to talk about autism or the dyslexia with her.
5:39
Speaker 2: My worst fear is that she thinks she's stupid. How
5:44
Speaker 2: do you talk about a diagnosis with a child when
5:47
Speaker 2: do you know that they're ready to understand? Some really
5:51
Speaker 2: important questions there, Kylie and I'm excited to spend the
5:53
Speaker 2: rest of this podcast answering Mandy's questions.
5:56
Speaker 3: When we arrived back in Brisbane nearly six years ago,
6:00
Speaker 3: I made friends with a lady and she loves reading,
6:04
Speaker 3: and so we got talking about all the different kinds
6:06
Speaker 3: of books that she was reading and I shared some
6:08
Speaker 3: of the ones I was reading. And it wasn't actually
6:10
Speaker 3: until our friendship grew that I came to understand that
6:14
Speaker 3: I came to know that she actually has dyslexia. I
6:18
Speaker 3: would never have known that based on the conversations we
6:22
Speaker 3: were having and the kinds of books that she'd been reading.
6:25
Speaker 3: As our friendship continued to grow, I learned that her
6:29
Speaker 3: son had dyslexia. She pulled him out of mainstream school
6:33
Speaker 3: and was able to spend a couple of years with
6:35
Speaker 3: him at home. He was extremely behind, and just recently
6:40
Speaker 3: after COVID he was able to go back into mainstream
6:43
Speaker 3: and is doing exceptionally well. And as I listened to
6:46
Speaker 3: Mandy's questions, and there's so heartfelt, this deep desire for
6:53
Speaker 3: her child to live a fulfilling life, what I see
6:59
Speaker 3: is so often it's our own fears that stop us
7:03
Speaker 3: from seeing outside the box and seeing that there actually
7:06
Speaker 3: is potential for that. Just in a completely different way.
7:10
Speaker 3: We have this, you know, kind of this mindset that
7:13
Speaker 3: there's one road to success, there's one way to do things.
7:16
Speaker 3: But there are plenty of people that have got any
7:19
Speaker 3: one of those labels or all of them and are
7:22
Speaker 3: able to live fulfilling lives. So today, hopefully we can
7:26
Speaker 3: give Mandy some hope.
7:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
7:28
Speaker 3: So I guess Mandy's main question is how do I
7:32
Speaker 3: explain this to my child.
7:34
Speaker 2: Mandy's done a great job already of talking to her
7:36
Speaker 2: daughter about the need for medication. Yeah, because of the ADHD.
7:40
Speaker 2: I'm always into minds when it comes to talking to
7:43
Speaker 2: children about their additional needs, because what they don't know
7:48
Speaker 2: doesn't hurt them quite often. That is, when they've got
7:50
Speaker 2: the label, it's easy to live into that. It's easy
7:52
Speaker 2: to make it part of the identity that they integrate
7:55
Speaker 2: into themselves. Oh, I can't do this because I have
7:58
Speaker 2: dyslex here, and I'm more tisted and I'm therefore less than.
8:02
Speaker 2: And that's that's the last thing that we want for
8:04
Speaker 2: our kids, because they're not less than, but unfortunately it
8:08
Speaker 2: can it can feel like that for them. Nevertheless, we
8:12
Speaker 2: also know that sometimes being aware of what those additional
8:16
Speaker 2: needs are, being aware of that diagnosis helps children to
8:19
Speaker 2: understand their world differently better and also understand why they
8:24
Speaker 2: are dealing with what's happening in class, for example, or
8:28
Speaker 2: what's happening in a certain context in a different way
8:30
Speaker 2: to those around them. My inclination is to sit down
8:35
Speaker 2: and identify that this is a challenge. We've noticed that
8:39
Speaker 2: reading is hard. When we were talking to the doctor,
8:40
Speaker 2: the doctor said that you have something called dyslexia, and
8:43
Speaker 2: this is what it is. So no gimmicks, no shortcuts,
8:46
Speaker 2: just straight up here's what it is. And then ask
8:49
Speaker 2: your child how that makes them feel. I mean, we've
8:51
Speaker 2: got a we've got a pretty happy eight year old here,
8:53
Speaker 2: so hopefully this little girl is going to say I'm
8:56
Speaker 2: a bit sad but okay. And then as a parent,
8:59
Speaker 2: your job is to build hope. So this is the
9:01
Speaker 2: bit where we say, so we know lots of people
9:03
Speaker 2: who have dyslexia. They can all read, they all function well,
9:07
Speaker 2: they've all got happy lives, they're all making a contribution.
9:10
Speaker 2: And this doesn't have to hold you back. This doesn't
9:11
Speaker 2: have to change anything. It just means that we have
9:14
Speaker 2: to work a little bit harder. This means that you
9:16
Speaker 2: have to be a bit stronger than the other kids.
9:19
Speaker 2: They don't have to do all the hard things that
9:20
Speaker 2: you do. And the focus there is if we put
9:23
Speaker 2: in the effort, if we do the work, if we
9:25
Speaker 2: do the extra tutoring, or where if we spend the
9:28
Speaker 2: extra time with you, You're going to be able to
9:29
Speaker 2: do this. You'll be able to turn into an adult
9:31
Speaker 2: who loves to read, who's able to contribute, who's able
9:34
Speaker 2: to do all these things. So that would be the
9:36
Speaker 2: central focus of where I'd be going. I'm less encouraging
9:40
Speaker 2: of sharing the autism diagnosis too early. I think that
9:43
Speaker 2: she's got enough on her plate with ADHD and dyslexia,
9:47
Speaker 2: and if we can spend the time in the relationship,
9:50
Speaker 2: spend the time developing those other skills and attributes, I
9:55
Speaker 2: think that in time, what's going to happen is Mandy's
9:59
Speaker 2: little girl is go to work things out reasonably well,
10:02
Speaker 2: feel reasonably competent. And that's what we're really looking for here, competence.
10:07
Speaker 2: When a child feels capable, the labels don't matter. When
10:11
Speaker 2: a child feels like they're able to do things, like
10:14
Speaker 2: they have the capacity to do things. It's that basic
10:17
Speaker 2: psychological need of competence and mastery. When the child feels
10:21
Speaker 2: those things, then the labels become irrelevant. I might have ADHD,
10:25
Speaker 2: but I can still do this, this, and this. I
10:27
Speaker 2: might be dyslexic, but I can still read as well
10:30
Speaker 2: as anyone in my grade, because competence begets confidence. So
10:34
Speaker 2: that's where I'd be focusing in terms of having the conversation,
10:37
Speaker 2: a gentle conversation with the emphasis on we can do this,
10:41
Speaker 2: we can work hard, and we can find solutions to
10:45
Speaker 2: make you stronger.
10:49
Speaker 3: So one of the things I loved about my friend
10:51
Speaker 3: and her situation was she didn't actually know she had
10:53
Speaker 3: dyslexia as a young kid. She just couldn't she couldn't
10:55
Speaker 3: work out why she couldn't understand the words on the page.
10:58
Speaker 3: But her mom just read to her all the time,
11:03
Speaker 3: just completely immersed her in words and books until the
11:06
Speaker 3: point that she became so motivated, yeah, to read them herself,
11:12
Speaker 3: that she would stay up plate under the covers with
11:14
Speaker 3: the torch to try and decipher what her mum had
11:18
Speaker 3: read and what the words said on the page.
11:20
Speaker 2: Kylie. The human brain is incredible. We talk about plasticity.
11:24
Speaker 2: There's that book from maybe ten or fifteen years ago
11:27
Speaker 2: now by Norman Deutge called The Brain That Changes Itself,
11:30
Speaker 2: all about plasticity. The brain is incredible. When I hear
11:33
Speaker 2: you tell a story like that about a dyslexic girl
11:37
Speaker 2: with a torch under the covers reading the amount of effort,
11:41
Speaker 2: the amount of work, the challenge of that must be incredible,
11:46
Speaker 2: must be incredible for her, and yet she finds it
11:49
Speaker 2: so fulfilling, so rewarding that she's willing to move that mountain.
11:52
Speaker 2: I just think it's amazing. And we have a daughter
11:56
Speaker 2: who has some additional it. She doesn't have dyslexia, but
11:59
Speaker 2: ties in with the next thing that is really important
12:01
Speaker 2: for Mandy in terms of reading, for example, I really
12:04
Speaker 2: want my children to read great books, excellent literature, books
12:09
Speaker 2: that will change their lives, change their thinking, shape their world.
12:12
Speaker 2: I want them to read the very best stuff that's
12:15
Speaker 2: out there at eight. I don't care what age they are,
12:17
Speaker 2: just want reading great literature. And our daughter wants to
12:20
Speaker 2: read Pokemon and Wings of Fire. And there's part of
12:25
Speaker 2: me who part of me sort of chafes and great
12:29
Speaker 2: against this, and things come on. We've got all these
12:31
Speaker 2: books on our shelves that are so good, and you
12:33
Speaker 2: want to read that, And then I give myself a
12:37
Speaker 2: quick uppercut and get out of the way and say
12:40
Speaker 2: that she is reading. And we're talking about an eight
12:42
Speaker 2: year old with additional needs who's reading what three hundred
12:45
Speaker 2: page books with small print.
12:47
Speaker 3: We had to do a trip to Brisbane the other day.
12:49
Speaker 3: It's an hour and a half's drive, and she asked
12:51
Speaker 3: me specifically to go to the bookstore to get her
12:53
Speaker 3: a book because she didn't want to sit in the
12:55
Speaker 3: car and look out the window for an hour and
12:56
Speaker 3: a half.
12:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we're not going to let us sit on
12:58
Speaker 2: a screen read. And so I guess what I'm really
13:00
Speaker 2: highlighting here. And we've got another friend who's got a
13:02
Speaker 2: child with massive delays in terms of autism and speech
13:06
Speaker 2: and language and all that kind of thing. And he's
13:09
Speaker 2: now in his early twenties, and he writes comics, he
13:11
Speaker 2: writes graphic novels. And I guess that that kind of
13:15
Speaker 2: highlights this is really about expectation setting. What does what
13:20
Speaker 2: does the community, the school, the broader society say is expected?
13:25
Speaker 2: There's one path go to school, get good grades, get
13:27
Speaker 2: it to university, get a successful, high paying job, have
13:30
Speaker 2: a big mortgage, live in a fancy suburb, drive and
13:32
Speaker 2: nized car. And we've got to reject that. It's just
13:36
Speaker 2: it's unhealthy at every level. For ninety percent of the population,
13:40
Speaker 2: it's is it realistic? Is it achievable? Absolutely for a
13:43
Speaker 2: large percentage of people, But is it healthy and in
13:45
Speaker 2: everybody's best interest. No, if you've got a healthy, developing child,
13:49
Speaker 2: you don't want them to get into first or second
13:51
Speaker 2: or third year UNI or finish UNI and say, Okay,
13:53
Speaker 2: I've got a medical degree or I'm a lawyer. But
13:55
Speaker 2: I actually hate it because when I was in school,
13:58
Speaker 2: I really really just want to to I don't know,
14:01
Speaker 2: read Pokemon. You read Pokemon or play bill boats like
14:06
Speaker 2: I love the ocean, or I want to I want
14:08
Speaker 2: to paint. I was going to say I want to
14:10
Speaker 2: I want to art. That's not a word. I want
14:12
Speaker 2: I want.
14:12
Speaker 3: To paint and to be creative or dance.
14:15
Speaker 2: And here we are saying, well, you know what, the
14:17
Speaker 2: creative arts. You're know we're going to make any money
14:19
Speaker 2: in that you need to go and get your special degree.
14:22
Speaker 2: It's just so changing, stepping back from that expectation that
14:26
Speaker 2: society has. That's the first thing. The second one is
14:28
Speaker 2: the expectation that you have. And I feel like your
14:31
Speaker 2: Mandy has done a really nice job here of saying
14:34
Speaker 2: I just wanted to be able to read and write efficiently.
14:37
Speaker 2: That's that's great. But now maybe we're going to say
14:41
Speaker 2: I want her to find joy in her life. I
14:43
Speaker 2: want her to find things that light her up. And
14:45
Speaker 2: what is her expectation. What's your daughter's expectation for herself.
14:48
Speaker 2: I think that's so important.
14:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, the thing that stands out to me when
14:53
Speaker 3: I listen to Mandy's story is just the fact that
14:56
Speaker 3: she's got this really happy eight year old. She's happy,
15:01
Speaker 3: and she's living in her own little world of fulfillment
15:04
Speaker 3: and joy. And now we've got these labels and we've
15:09
Speaker 3: got to try and navigate them. But I look at
15:12
Speaker 3: our eight year old and the challenges that we've had
15:15
Speaker 3: with her, and for the most part, she doesn't know
15:18
Speaker 3: that she's any different to anyone else. Yes, that's right,
15:21
Speaker 3: she's oblivious to it, and there may come a time
15:24
Speaker 3: we will have to have conversations with her about that,
15:27
Speaker 3: But for the most part, she is completely oblivious to
15:32
Speaker 3: the fact that she has extra challenges and that it's
15:35
Speaker 3: harder for her to do things.
15:37
Speaker 2: Such a great point. I'm so grateful that you brought
15:39
Speaker 2: that up. I think what we probably need to focus
15:42
Speaker 2: on in the last maybe minute and a half two
15:44
Speaker 2: minutes of the podcast is just what we can do,
15:46
Speaker 2: what Mandy can do, and what any parent can do
15:48
Speaker 2: when their child is not looking like they are going
15:50
Speaker 2: to follow a traditional path because they have additional needs,
15:53
Speaker 2: or they have interests that lay outside of the standard
15:58
Speaker 2: the standardized path that has been established for the majority
16:01
Speaker 2: of kids. So the first thing that I want to
16:03
Speaker 2: emphasize is we want to consider educational options. Not everyone
16:07
Speaker 2: has the flexibility to homeschool or to provide an alternative
16:10
Speaker 2: form of education, even if it's just extra tutoring, But
16:12
Speaker 2: to the extent that you've got that capacity, I would
16:15
Speaker 2: say a child who has all these additional needs would
16:17
Speaker 2: definitely benefit from some kind of additional or alternative educational
16:22
Speaker 2: option if that's not possible, and I recognize for many
16:26
Speaker 2: people it just isn't practical at all. What you said earlier, Kylie,
16:30
Speaker 2: reading and reading and reading time, and when you're not
16:33
Speaker 2: reading time in the relationship, the more you can be
16:36
Speaker 2: kicking the footy down at the park, or throwing the
16:38
Speaker 2: ball through the hoop, or riding bikes or walking along
16:42
Speaker 2: the beach or the wherever it is that you go
16:45
Speaker 2: for recreation time, that kind of thing is going to
16:48
Speaker 2: make a huge difference.
16:50
Speaker 3: So finding fun ways to actually extend and support their learning,
16:55
Speaker 3: so it doesn't actually feel like they're learning. Is going
16:58
Speaker 3: to be so beneficial without them even recognizing that they've
17:02
Speaker 3: got a death for sit.
17:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the beauty of the whole reading thing.
17:06
Speaker 2: You're just reading because you love to read together. The
17:08
Speaker 2: second thing that I would talk about or suggest is
17:11
Speaker 2: that you actually have conversations together and ask, well, is
17:14
Speaker 2: this actually a problem? You might have ADHD? But is
17:17
Speaker 2: that actually a problem You might have dyslexia? But is
17:19
Speaker 2: that a problem You could do a Google and find
17:22
Speaker 2: a whole lot of people who have been enormous successors
17:26
Speaker 2: who have ADHD. In fact, just while I've been saying
17:28
Speaker 2: that I was typing at the same time, and I've
17:31
Speaker 2: typed in successful people with dyslexia. Let me read the
17:35
Speaker 2: list of successful people with dyslexia. Richard Branson, Tom Cruise,
17:41
Speaker 2: Orlando Bloom, Jennifer Aniston, Leonardo da Vinci, Salamahayek, will Be Goldberg,
17:49
Speaker 2: Stephen Spielberg, Sir Henry Winkler. That was Phonsie Walt Disney,
17:54
Speaker 2: Steve Jobs, Keanu Reeves, Jay Leno, Jamie Oliver, Thomas, Edison,
17:57
Speaker 2: Albert Einstein, Albert einste For goodness sakes, has come up
18:02
Speaker 2: as somebody with dyslexia. Now I don't know how right
18:04
Speaker 2: Google is, but that's what's come up. Kira Knightley, John Lenha,
18:07
Speaker 2: Muhammad Ali, Winston Churchill, Daniel Radcliffe, Noel Gallagher. I mean,
18:11
Speaker 2: the list is enormous, Michael Phelps. It just keeps going
18:14
Speaker 2: and going and going. When you talk to your kids
18:17
Speaker 2: and say, yes, you have these additional needs. But is
18:19
Speaker 2: it a problem? Was it a problem for these people?
18:21
Speaker 2: It probably was, But what they did is they worked
18:24
Speaker 2: really hard, and they probably had some amazing resources, but
18:27
Speaker 2: they've done amazing things. So inspire them with the stories
18:31
Speaker 2: of those people who are just like them. Outside of that,
18:35
Speaker 2: a couple of other things I reckon create some structure.
18:38
Speaker 2: So here's what we're going to do. If we're going
18:41
Speaker 2: to help you, we need to make sure that we're
18:42
Speaker 2: doing these things not in a chore kind of fashion,
18:45
Speaker 2: but rather because we want to be supportive. We're normalizing it,
18:49
Speaker 2: we're finding those role models that I've mentioned. And the
18:51
Speaker 2: last thing is let's just emphasize that there are all
18:54
Speaker 2: kinds of intelligences. One of the things that struck me
18:56
Speaker 2: most when I was way back doing my undergraduate psychology
18:59
Speaker 2: degree was a guy called Howard Gardner who identified that
19:04
Speaker 2: intelligence isn't just a thing. It's not like you're either
19:06
Speaker 2: smart or you're not. Gardner found that he identified multiple intelligences.
19:12
Speaker 2: And there's all sorts of theories around multiple intelligences these days.
19:15
Speaker 2: But Kylie, some kids have got spatial intelligence, some have
19:19
Speaker 2: bodily or kinesthetic intelligence, some kids have musical intelligence, or
19:25
Speaker 2: linguistic intelligence, or naturalistic intelligence, or intrapersonal intelligence, or interpersonal intelligence,
19:31
Speaker 2: or logical and mathematical skills intelligence, and the list goes on.
19:34
Speaker 2: They were just the aid that Gardener came up with.
19:36
Speaker 2: If you do a quick Google and try to find
19:38
Speaker 2: different forms of intelligences, you'll be amazed at what's there.
19:43
Speaker 2: I think we've got to just work so hard to
19:44
Speaker 2: not pigeonholer kids and say, well, you've got additional needs.
19:47
Speaker 2: Therefore you're going to struggle for the rest of your life.
19:50
Speaker 2: Not true, not fair, far too limiting, and Mandy, I
19:54
Speaker 2: hope that we've been able to answer your question helpfully.
19:57
Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulin from
19:59
Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if
20:03
Speaker 2: you'd like more and fol about making your family happier.
20:05
Speaker 2: We would love for you to visit us at happyfamilies
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20:09
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Speaker 2: it to you for free right now. Just jump onto
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Speaker 2: away from timeout as your motors operandi and find better
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Speaker 2: ways to raise a happy family