Latest / Heaven & Healing Podcast / LIVING IN REBELLION | Generational Curse, Infidelity, Child Loss w/Raven Thomas Hartwell

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LIVING IN REBELLION | Generational Curse, Infidelity, Child Loss w/Raven Thomas Hartwell · Heaven & Healing Podcast

• 0:00
  I was
• 0:00
  >> [music]
• 0:00
  >> legitimately walking in rebellion. That
• 0:03
  opened a door to experiencing the same
• 0:05
  generational curse of my family. A lot
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  [music] of the other women in my family
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  had stillborns, but a lot of them
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  weren't walking with the Lord. That's
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  what was revealed [music]
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  to me. I had come from a really long
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  background of rejection. My mother told
• 0:20
  me when I was conceived, I didn't want
• 0:22
  you. Like, dang, I'm not wanted.
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  >> Someone can look at you and be like, how
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  can her husband overcome infidelity? How
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  can they overcome the loss of a child?
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  How can she sit there and smile about
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  the will of God? Do you have women that
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  come to you with that? They're mad at
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  God. They don't know how to overcome
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  that barrier.
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  >> As [music] someone who struggled with
• 0:40
  rejection, that is a really hard thing
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  to accept. [music] God himself, that was
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  the first time when Jesus was on the
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  cross, he actually forsook his son. God
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  understands that pain. There was a
• 0:51
  person there, who were friends, that
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  [music] led into what it shouldn't have.
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  He wanted to work it out. But while I
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  was still [music] in this relationship
• 1:00
  with this person, he was going to
• 1:01
  church. He was praying for me. I had
• 1:03
  nothing to do with church. Every time I
• 1:04
  looked in the mirror, I hated myself. I
• 1:06
  would see my wrong. That's who I was.
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  I'm a daughter of God. I couldn't accept
• 1:10
  that.
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  >> The devil has nothing new to hold
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  against you. [music] He always has to
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  revert back to your grave.
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  >> The devil is trying to convince you who
• 1:18
  he is to you. When we lost our son,
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  [music] everything changed.
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  >> Hello. Welcome to Heaven and Healing.
• 1:27
  >> [laughter]
• 1:28
  >> Thank you for having me.
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  >> All the way from Atlanta, I think. So,
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  um I know a lot of people have actually
• 1:35
  seen us together. We were on Taylor's
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  channel before together. That video blew
• 1:40
  up. We talked all about witchcraft
• 1:42
  within the church, which is obviously a
• 1:44
  huge problem. But for those that don't
• 1:47
  know you, would you just mind sharing a
• 1:49
  bit where you came from, who you are,
• 1:50
  and how you got to know the Lord?
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  >> Yeah, so I am Raven Thomas Hartwell. I
• 1:56
  come from Las Vegas, Nevada, born and
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  raised. A lot of people believe I'm from
• 2:00
  somewhere else, but
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  Las Vegas, Nevada, is exactly where I'm
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  from. Um love my city and praying and
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  contending for revival in the name of
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  Jesus. And also
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  um my husband and I moved from Vegas to
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  North Atlanta um in about
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  gosh
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  2015 is exactly when we went to Atlanta.
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  And um
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  even when we were talking we were
• 2:29
  obviously talking earlier about how we
• 2:30
  got there. That actually happened after
• 2:34
  my
• 2:35
  uh infidelity. So, once we after I had
• 2:37
  cheated on my husband
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  um at the beginning of our marriage um
• 2:42
  we began to recover after that and the
• 2:46
  Lord led us out. Literally, we had felt
• 2:49
  led to leave and I had got pregnant with
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  my son um
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  around the during the time of our
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  recovery and the Lord had had placed us
• 2:59
  there.
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  >> Wow.
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> So, were you
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  Now, that's like a really hard launch,
• 3:05
  you know, infidelity at the beginning of
• 3:06
  your marriage. Um this was something
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  about your testimony that stood out to
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  me because I don't hear
• 3:15
  people talk about it a lot. And I know
• 3:17
  that it's a lot more common than we
• 3:19
  actually think. But to see the
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  restoration, the reconciliation, and
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  furthermore, the way that you and your
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  husband have both been able to help
• 3:28
  other people
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  you know, come to the light through the
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  darkness that you both walked through
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  together through that valley. It's been
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  such a blessing. So, I wonder if you're
• 3:38
  comfortable, if you're willing to share
• 3:39
  a little more about that. And you know,
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  what's also interesting, of course we
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  never want to
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  you know, put off our sin and blame it
• 3:47
  on the devil all the time. But what I
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  find is interesting is that you said
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  this happened in Vegas. and when you
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  think about like the principalities over
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  particular regions it's like the
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  principality of lust and perversion.
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  >> Yeah, they call it Sin City.
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  >> Right, over that region. Like that's
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  just interesting to me. So, anyway,
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  again, it's not to blame the devil on
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  their own sin, but it's just an
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  interesting correlation there cuz, you
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  know, obviously we're accountable to
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  what we do, but to say we can't be
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  influenced would just be silly.
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  >> Yeah.
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  Yeah, I know. Um, so just to give a
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  little bit about that. So, we had we
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  first got married.
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  Everything was fine. We ended up, you
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  know, my husband was actually in
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  college. So, I was the only one working
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  at the time.
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  And we also had come up against a lot of
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  warfare within his family.
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  >> Mhm.
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  >> Um, you know, not really approving of
• 4:35
  the marriage. Later on finding out that
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  it wasn't necessarily me that they were
• 4:39
  upset with or him. It's just that they
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  just didn't believe in the time, but I
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  took that as rejection. Now,
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  >> Okay.
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  >> I didn't I'm not saying that to justify
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  anything of what I've done. That was
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  purely me, completely and totally
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  selfish. I take ownership of that. But,
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  um, I had come from a really long
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  background of rejection. Like I'm not
• 5:00
  even kidding. Like from the very time of
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  my
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  my mother told me like when I was um,
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  conceived or when she had conceived me,
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  she was like,
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  "I didn't want you. Like I didn't want a
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  daughter. I wanted a son." I had always
• 5:12
  took that as
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  like, "Dang, I'm not wanted." So, and
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  I'm a girl of only brothers. I don't
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  have any sisters. So,
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  to know that my brothers were kind of
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  favorited, that I took that as like a
• 5:27
  as rejection. Yeah. But anyway, I say
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  that to say the rejection of my
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  husband's family
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  really just kind of
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  it was a night we were arguing and it
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  just it was like a flip of
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  I'm going to do what I want to do.
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  And
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  any when I went back, I remember
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  distinctly going back from California to
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  Vegas to go back to work.
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  There was a person there that, you know,
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  we were friends, and then that led into
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  what it shouldn't have, and so
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  yeah, that's a little bit about how that
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  happened. But
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  the Lord is kind. He's faithful, and
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  he's good, and he It was only the grace
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  of God to allow, you know, my husband to
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  even believe because during that time,
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  while yes, I had admitted, I had told
• 6:18
  him that I had cheated. It wasn't
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  something that he had to find out or
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  anything. And I don't say that to make
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  to boast in myself, but I say that to
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  say um I immediately told him like,
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  "Hey, I cheated on you." And um
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  he wanted to work it out, but while I
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  was still in this relationship with this
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  person, so it was technically an affair.
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  Um he was going to church. He was
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  praying for me.
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  >> Wow.
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  >> I had nothing to do with church, and I
• 6:44
  had I I was a
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  um not a pastor's kid, but a minister's
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  child. So, my my father was
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  a He's a preacher.
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  >> Oh, wow.
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  >> And yeah, he would go around preaching,
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  and
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  >> So, did you turn away from the Lord at a
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  young age, or was it like teenager
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  years?
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  >> I would Listen, I don't know
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  >> I don't know if it was me turning away
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  from it. I think I just didn't
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  understand.
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  >> Okay. That's fair.
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  >> I didn't understand what it meant to
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  live holy, and
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  know Jesus. I didn't understand that.
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  >> Girl, that is something like and I you
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  know, you you have a platform, too. As
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  somebody who has a responsibility to
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  what the Lord has given me through
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  Heaven and Healing, and just ministry.
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  To be someone who sits here in front of
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  a camera, or to goes out and cast out
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  demons, and preaches the gospel, and
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  tells people you got to repent.
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  And then to somehow just totally miss it
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  with my own child that I can't like I
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  can't
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  I don't want to say that's my biggest
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  fear because I know it won't happen
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  because I'm so vigilant of it, but just
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  for that to happen is is just
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  Man, it's so sad.
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  >> And I didn't have that example either,
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  you know, cuz I I would see my dad, you
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  know, preaching and I love my I love my
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  father. But there were things, you know,
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  that I saw that you know, it was
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  you know, you tend to the church, but
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  then different person, I'm sorry, you're
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  a different person at home. And so
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> That too I could say probably, you know,
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  played a part, but it also is the very
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  reason why I am the way that I am today
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  because I've seen it and I I know
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  I I know the dis
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  the I know what it can do and how
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  disheartening it is to the Lord.
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> To claim to be a Christian and then
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  you're living a double life.
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  >> Amen. Yeah. No Hannah Montana here.
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  >> [laughter]
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  >> So your your husband, so he was when
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  this incident happened in your marriage,
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  how how long were you married at that
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  point?
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  >> Oh man, not even a year.
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  So
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  it was months after we had got married.
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  >> And you and he was he was walking with
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  the Lord at that point, but you kind of
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  like didn't really believe it.
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  >> what's crazy is is
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  when we first got together before
• 9:13
  marriage, we were reading the Bible. I
• 9:15
  was actually the strongest.
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  >> Okay, I see.
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  >> Yeah. I was actually one that cuz I had
• 9:20
  just got out of a relationship with the
• 9:22
  guy like
• 9:25
  long story with that, but I had just got
• 9:26
  out of a relationship with him and then
• 9:28
  here comes my husband and and then we're
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  praying, we're
• 9:32
  we're learning the things of God. We're
• 9:33
  not going to church, but we're we're
• 9:34
  doing our own thing amongst each other
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  >> Mhm.
• 9:37
  >> during that time of dating
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  and then
• 9:40
  we get married and then I fall.
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  >> Mhm.
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  >> And then he ends up
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  walking it out as Christ
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  does for us.
• 9:49
  >> Yeah.
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  >> Yeah, really leading by example.
• 9:52
  >> Yes.
• 9:52
  >> As the head of the house.
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  >> Exactly.
• 9:54
  >> Praise God.
• 9:55
  >> Yeah.
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  >> So, what did
• 9:57
  because I'm sure obviously it's been
• 10:00
  over 10 years at this point. So, I know
• 10:02
  that you've talked to him about it, but
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  what
• 10:04
  did he
• 10:07
  What was his thought process or what was
• 10:09
  his
• 10:10
  kind of prayer life like in this time?
• 10:12
  Like did God tell him to stay? Like what
• 10:15
  was that like for him?
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  >> I know that he felt I know I remember
• 10:19
  him saying distinctively, you know that
• 10:22
  he himself could have
• 10:25
  been in that same position.
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  >> Mhm.
• 10:26
  >> So
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  yes, he thought about leaving
• 10:30
  but it was it was only the Lord to lead
• 10:32
  him into pretty much just like how Jesus
• 10:35
  says, "Forgive as you yourself have been
• 10:37
  forgiven." So
• 10:39
  he decided
• 10:41
  to That That's pretty much what it was
• 10:43
  like. I don't really know like his the
• 10:45
  exact phrase. I've never really asked
• 10:46
  him. I should ask him, but yeah, that's
• 10:49
  That's pretty much what I've gotten from
• 10:50
  him.
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  >> And how did you
• 10:52
  recover from that as a couple?
• 10:55
  >> Mhm. So, we left and um
• 10:58
  >> Left it Left Vegas, you mean?
• 10:59
  >> Yeah, we left Vegas and I have family.
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  My aunt and my uncle, they were kind of
• 11:05
  like pastors in our time, but they
• 11:06
  weren't a part of a church.
• 11:08
  And um
• 11:10
  we were living with them and my my
• 11:13
  brother is actually there, too.
• 11:16
  And our family would always come
• 11:17
  together
• 11:19
  and have
• 11:20
  kind of like little like church, like
• 11:23
  prayer
• 11:24
  and everything and it was really like uh
• 11:27
  you know, my mom played a big part in
• 11:30
  leading us to that forgiveness and
• 11:33
  you know, my aunt played a huge part in
• 11:35
  in leading to that forgiveness and also
• 11:38
  um and recovery and reconciliation.
• 11:41
  >> And and then you had
• 11:43
  your son like shortly after that.
• 11:45
  >> Yep. Yep, had our son.
• 11:47
  And
• 11:49
  I will say
• 11:52
  while
• 11:54
  things weren't completely reconciled or
• 11:57
  not
• 11:58
  I don't want to say that word. While
• 12:00
  things weren't completely like solid or
• 12:02
  we weren't completely like although I
• 12:04
  wasn't doing the sin, there was a lot of
• 12:06
  heart
• 12:07
  um matter that the Lord had to work on
• 12:11
  with both of us during that time.
• 12:14
  >> And that didn't come until
• 12:17
  2020 after we lost our son.
• 12:20
  >> Wow.
• 12:20
  >> So
• 12:23
  when we lost our son
• 12:25
  it was like everything changed.
• 12:27
  >> Mhm.
• 12:28
  >> It was like we were
• 12:31
  any arguments, meaningless fights or
• 12:35
  because of the gaps that were never
• 12:36
  really
• 12:39
  like mended. It was like
• 12:41
  >> Like it's almost like I don't mean to
• 12:42
  put words in your mouth, but would you
• 12:44
  say that it's fair to surmise that you
• 12:47
  maybe in a way like spiritually bypassed
• 12:51
  that season?
• 12:52
  >> Yeah, it was like
• 12:53
  >> like really going in and dealing with
• 12:55
  the wound.
• 12:56
  >> like a launch.
• 12:58
  >> Okay.
• 12:59
  >> Go. This none none nothing else matters,
• 13:02
  surrender your life. That's it. Like do
• 13:04
  you understand what I'm saying?
• 13:05
  >> Yeah.
• 13:07
  >> It was after that where things just
• 13:09
  shifted in our marriage completely. In
• 13:12
  our our lives, our minds, our hearts,
• 13:14
  everything.
• 13:15
  >> That's so much to go through. I I mean I
• 13:17
  can't imagine I
• 13:19
  that's probably the worst thing that a
• 13:21
  human being
• 13:23
  >> Yeah.
• 13:23
  >> could probably endure, I'd say. What
• 13:26
  what if you don't mind sharing a little
• 13:28
  bit about that? What was
• 13:30
  What was that like? How did you How did
• 13:33
  you cling to the Lord in that time and
• 13:36
  How How did that end up really restoring
• 13:39
  you and your husband?
• 13:40
  >> So, I'll say
• 13:45
  I think that
• 13:46
  tragedy, unfortunately, has a really
• 13:50
  interesting way of
• 13:54
  bringing
• 13:56
  about an understanding that you need to
• 13:58
  have.
• 13:59
  And
• 14:01
  it was almost like this
• 14:04
  this mending
• 14:06
  that happened after losing something so
• 14:08
  precious and someone so precious
• 14:11
  that
• 14:13
  I don't even remember I just know that
• 14:15
  the Lord, after all of that
• 14:17
  the Lord began to work on my heart.
• 14:20
  I remember reading Isaiah 54 the Lord
• 14:23
  giving me that promise.
• 14:25
  And it was like everything just
• 14:27
  everything changed in my mind. The
• 14:29
  attitudes, the rebellious attitudes, the
• 14:31
  bitterness, the unforgiveness,
• 14:33
  everything everything shifted.
• 14:37
  And I'm not saying that in a sense to
• 14:38
  say like
• 14:42
  like some cliche type thing, but it
• 14:45
  really is the truth. It It's just
• 14:48
  that death brought about a revival that
• 14:52
  only the Lord could have done in the
• 14:54
  both of us and in both of our hearts and
• 14:58
  yeah.
• 14:58
  Yeah. So, while although we were wreck
• 15:01
  we have we had reconciled cuz I'm not
• 15:02
  trying to say that like things were
• 15:04
  completely and totally like
• 15:07
  um like bad or anything. It was just
• 15:11
  this is what what really solidified a
• 15:18
  move forward.
• 15:19
  >> Mhm.
• 15:21
  >> Move on.
• 15:22
  >> Yeah.
• 15:23
  >> Like
• 15:24
  And and and I will say even during that
• 15:26
  time our testimony had actually ended up
• 15:29
  going viral. It was like everything like
• 15:31
  the Lord was and I'm not saying that
• 15:33
  like virality is a thing to be like
• 15:35
  you're accepted by God or anything like
• 15:37
  that. No, I'm saying that during that
• 15:39
  time it was like
• 15:42
  our yes after that
• 15:46
  God just blew on everything else. Does
• 15:48
  that make sense? Like
• 15:49
  >> Yeah.
• 15:50
  >> He began to use the videos. We also got
• 15:52
  persecution during that.
• 15:54
  I think that was the time my my entire
• 15:56
  account went viral. Everything went
• 15:58
  viral concerning us. Our from our
• 16:00
  testimony to the infidel from our
• 16:02
  testimony of infidelity
• 16:04
  to losing our son to
• 16:07
  everything.
• 16:08
  I pray I'm not rambling. I hope it makes
• 16:09
  sense.
• 16:09
  >> totally fine. I think it's like God kind
• 16:11
  of just showing you like I'm not done
• 16:13
  here. This isn't This isn't where your
• 16:15
  story ends. Kind of thing cuz he's going
• 16:18
  to keep using it.
• 16:19
  >> Yeah.
• 16:19
  >> I relate to a lot of actually what
• 16:21
  you're sharing in different ways because
• 16:24
  Mike and I so we've known each other
• 16:26
  since we were 15. So that's a long time.
• 16:28
  And by the way, I don't even like how
• 16:29
  old are you because you're talking about
• 16:31
  like being married 15. I'm like, "Girl,
• 16:32
  you look 25. What?"
• 16:34
  >> I If I tell you then I'd have to reveal
• 16:36
  my age.
• 16:38
  >> You don't have to tell me. I'm just like
• 16:40
  I can't I can't with the timelines. I'm
• 16:42
  like
• 16:42
  >> [laughter]
• 16:43
  >> Um so we met when we were 15 and just
• 16:46
  like so much trauma and turmoil has to
• 16:49
  be expected in the world. Neither of us
• 16:51
  found Jesus until 2021 2022. So that
• 16:53
  wasn't even on the radar. But when my
• 16:55
  grandma died in 2014, we were broken up
• 16:57
  in that season and her death it was like
• 17:00
  it didn't it nothing else mattered. Like
• 17:02
  and obviously it's not even to the
• 17:03
  extent of losing a child that you've
• 17:05
  conceived together, but it was like that
• 17:08
  whole thing that happened between us, it
• 17:10
  just became completely irrelevant and we
• 17:12
  just wanted to move forward because you
• 17:14
  you you start to understand like what
• 17:15
  really matters and you don't take things
• 17:18
  for granted that are so easy to take for
• 17:20
  granted before a massive loss. And then,
• 17:24
  you know, furthermore, I unfortunately,
• 17:28
  because I was in the world,
• 17:30
  that could only sustain me for so long
• 17:33
  that
• 17:35
  newfound gratitude, appreciation for
• 17:36
  him, for life, for everything.
• 17:38
  Um I was still void of the spirit of
• 17:40
  God, so ultimately my flesh took back
• 17:42
  over.
• 17:43
  >> Yeah.
• 17:43
  >> And I was unfaithful to him in a lot of
• 17:46
  different capacities.
• 17:49
  To the point where I would justify
• 17:50
  everything because I'm like, well, I'm
• 17:51
  not really crossing a line, but like an
• 17:53
  emotional affair,
• 17:55
  an affair where it's teasing, whatever,
• 17:57
  like that's still
• 17:58
  >> Yeah.
• 17:58
  >> it's still unfaithfulness.
• 18:00
  >> Yeah.
• 18:00
  >> And so
• 18:01
  we [clears throat] overcame that and you
• 18:04
  know,
• 18:06
  he was so quick to forgive even before
• 18:09
  he knew Jesus and it's like
• 18:12
  I was always so amazed at how
• 18:16
  I would recognize in hindsight how he
• 18:17
  loved me like Christ did before he even
• 18:19
  knew who Christ was. Just like the quick
• 18:22
  to forgive and
• 18:24
  and you know, sometimes to a fault
• 18:25
  because he did allow himself to be a
• 18:27
  doormat in a lot of ways and you know,
• 18:29
  we were trauma bonded, we were
• 18:30
  codependent, but
• 18:32
  God used all of it ultimately and I
• 18:34
  think a lot of people
• 18:37
  would would as a matter of fact, I don't
• 18:39
  think I know a lot of people judged him
• 18:42
  for the way he was willing to
• 18:44
  >> Yeah.
• 18:45
  >> overcome all of that, you know, like
• 18:46
  he's not a real man, he's weak, he's
• 18:48
  this, he's that. But now look at us.
• 18:51
  Like we are so strong, we are so steady,
• 18:53
  we have a family, we're both serving the
• 18:55
  Lord together.
• 18:56
  >> Yeah.
• 18:56
  >> And so did your husband have to deal
• 18:57
  with a lot of that, too?
• 18:58
  >> Yeah, just kind of
• 18:59
  >> Especially after everything went viral.
• 19:01
  Like when I tell you it went viral
• 19:03
  during the
• 19:05
  right after we lost our son, it that's
• 19:07
  what he was getting. You're a beta,
• 19:09
  you're a this, you're a that. Like,
• 19:12
  people were really persecuting
• 19:15
  us during that time, but the Lord was
• 19:17
  faithful. He was shielding us really and
• 19:19
  teaching us through all of that. But,
• 19:21
  yes, he definitely got all of that. All
• 19:25
  of it. Even to this day, they
• 19:27
  >> Yeah, I'm sure. But, you have to be like
• 19:29
  It's funny because you have to
• 19:30
  ironically know really who you are
• 19:34
  as a man who is strong and has integrity
• 19:39
  and is totally just clung to the hem of
• 19:42
  his garment to know that none of that is
• 19:47
  is relevant even in the slightest bit.
• 19:50
  Because God uses the foolish things that
• 19:52
  confound the wise, right? And so, like
• 19:54
  it seems totally foolish that like a man
• 19:56
  would be willing to
• 19:58
  overcome infidelity with the woman that
• 20:00
  he loves and forgive her and reconcile
• 20:02
  with her and build a life and a family
• 20:03
  and a ministry with her.
• 20:05
  And yet, God
• 20:07
  uses it and smiles upon it and it
• 20:10
  pleases him.
• 20:11
  >> Yes.
• 20:12
  >> And I I just love that about y'all's
• 20:14
  story
• 20:15
  and um
• 20:16
  what you guys have gone through since
• 20:18
  then.
• 20:20
  I mean, like I said, that is something I
• 20:22
  cannot imagine and that is nothing that
• 20:26
  I don't believe that's, you know,
• 20:27
  necessarily God's I I like to say
• 20:32
  obviously
• 20:33
  God's plan is always going off without a
• 20:35
  hitch and nothing surprises him, but I
• 20:37
  think that there's a difference between
• 20:39
  like walking walking out God's plan
• 20:43
  versus his will and I don't think like
• 20:45
  the death of a child would be his will.
• 20:47
  >> Oh, no.
• 20:48
  >> But, he would use it for his plan. Does
• 20:49
  that make sense?
• 20:50
  >> Yeah, no. I I think that and I I always
• 20:53
  like even
• 20:55
  after that would tell women like
• 20:57
  look at me like I was crazy cuz I just
• 20:59
  felt so encouraged by the Lord. Like,
• 21:01
  God didn't do this. Like, God didn't do
• 21:03
  this.
• 21:04
  And that's why I I like when I read
• 21:05
  Isaiah 54, it was like the Lord was like
• 21:08
  showing me like I didn't do this to you.
• 21:12
  Uh, you know,
• 21:14
  and that he was going to
• 21:17
  he was going to do more much more
• 21:19
  through me
• 21:21
  after this after what I had went
• 21:23
  through, but I just say this say I had I
• 21:25
  was telling women that like God doesn't
• 21:27
  take babies.
• 21:29
  >> Yeah.
• 21:29
  >> Um, I think that too. I was also I
• 21:32
  mentioned I mentioned before, but I was
• 21:35
  dealing with a generational thing too. I
• 21:38
  was cuz I was walking in rebellion by
• 21:40
  way of my heart. So,
• 21:43
  that's why I say like things weren't
• 21:44
  solidified, but
• 21:46
  the attitude of my heart at that time
• 21:49
  especially during that time of my
• 21:50
  pregnancy, I just I was rebellious to
• 21:54
  God like to my
• 21:58
  my family.
• 22:00
  I I didn't forgive during that time.
• 22:03
  And you know,
• 22:05
  I had been forgiven already by my
• 22:07
  husband. So,
• 22:09
  >> Wow.
• 22:09
  >> I say that to say I was walking I was
• 22:12
  legitimately walking in
• 22:14
  rebellion.
• 22:16
  And um,
• 22:17
  I'm not saying that
• 22:19
  I think that
• 22:20
  that opened the door
• 22:22
  to experiencing the same generational
• 22:25
  curse of my family.
• 22:27
  So, a lot of the other women of my
• 22:29
  family
• 22:30
  had stillborns, but a lot of them were
• 22:32
  also
• 22:34
  they weren't
• 22:35
  you know, walking with the Lord
• 22:38
  >> Wow.
• 22:38
  >> like they should have. So,
• 22:41
  not saying that that would happen to
• 22:42
  anybody else in the name of Jesus we
• 22:44
  declare, but I mean
• 22:46
  I am that that's what happened for me.
• 22:49
  That's what was revealed to me.
• 22:51
  >> Right. What did that healing process
• 22:54
  look like in terms of like deliverance,
• 22:56
  sanctification, just all the things?
• 22:59
  >> So, I actually joined the core group
• 23:02
  after that. And um I I really felt led
• 23:06
  that the Lord was like showing me I
• 23:08
  needed to be a part of a community. I
• 23:10
  needed deliverance
• 23:12
  from that rejection.
• 23:14
  >> Yeah, I was going to circle back to the
• 23:15
  rejection.
• 23:16
  >> I had got deliverance
• 23:19
  from rejection and then
• 23:21
  I was in service in in that ministry and
• 23:25
  just really learning the
• 23:26
  and got filled with the Holy Ghost as
• 23:29
  well.
• 23:30
  So
• 23:31
  um
• 23:33
  and just
• 23:34
  then I begin to understand woah.
• 23:37
  This is who I am. I have like this love
• 23:39
  for Christ. Love for the word. I'm
• 23:42
  reading his word. I pray like I begin
• 23:45
  praying like
• 23:47
  you know, like how my family was trying
• 23:49
  to teach me at that time, but I wasn't
• 23:51
  really learning, but I then begin to
• 23:53
  understand this love for prayer, the
• 23:55
  love for the word of God. So yeah, it
• 23:58
  was that's pretty much kind of like how
• 23:59
  that process went for me.
• 24:02
  Briefly.
• 24:03
  >> How did you So cuz I think I think
• 24:05
  rejection and like self-rejection
• 24:07
  >> Yeah.
• 24:07
  >> that spirit, that curse, it will
• 24:11
  completely blind you from your identity
• 24:15
  and then it will put you in situations
• 24:16
  where you
• 24:18
  cause like self-sabotage as evidenced in
• 24:22
  your own testimony.
• 24:24
  >> Yeah.
• 24:24
  >> Um and then that can even manifest
• 24:26
  through our relationship with God.
• 24:29
  Because then we do walk in rebellion,
• 24:31
  even like
• 24:33
  not even necessarily in overt ways, but
• 24:36
  like this this covert way where it it
• 24:38
  kind of manifests as just kind of an
• 24:40
  unbelief. Almost like, I don't believe
• 24:44
  that I am who you say I am.
• 24:46
  >> Yeah.
• 24:46
  >> So I'm going to walk around in my sinner
• 24:48
  identity instead of like my born again
• 24:50
  righteousness identity because I'm
• 24:51
  clothed in him
• 24:54
  sort of thing. And so um how have you
• 24:56
  been able to kind of help other women
• 24:59
  get to that place from seeing themselves
• 25:04
  as God sees them, totally clean and
• 25:07
  spotless and pure, despite what they
• 25:09
  have done?
• 25:11
  >> Uh by understanding that that same
• 25:15
  shame, guilt, pain is
• 25:18
  is exactly what Jesus bore and took on
• 25:22
  for us.
• 25:24
  So, I really had to
• 25:27
  see
• 25:28
  Christ
• 25:29
  >> Mhm.
• 25:30
  >> and what he did. And then not only that,
• 25:32
  the Lord used the story of Hosea
• 25:35
  to really like shift my understanding.
• 25:38
  Like, "Hey, and and not only that, the
• 25:41
  adulterous woman in the New Testament."
• 25:43
  He's like, "You know, your story is
• 25:45
  here. And so, it's not that you're
• 25:48
  unforgivable or you're not seen. I
• 25:51
  already knew,
• 25:53
  but this is who I'm making you to be in
• 25:55
  Jesus. This is who you are in Christ."
• 25:58
  So, just really like
• 26:01
  understanding you are not what you've
• 26:05
  done.
• 26:06
  Um unless that's where you want to be.
• 26:09
  Like, if you if you make the choice to
• 26:12
  stay there,
• 26:14
  and although
• 26:15
  yeah, it cuz I would fight like
• 26:19
  it would be hard for me to think about
• 26:21
  being like knowing that I'm a daughter
• 26:24
  of God. Hearing that, I couldn't accept
• 26:26
  that.
• 26:28
  And I would see
• 26:29
  my shame I would see my wrong. That's
• 26:31
  who I was. Every time I looked in the
• 26:32
  mirror, hated myself.
• 26:35
  Didn't care to look like
• 26:38
  didn't care
• 26:40
  about what people saw me
• 26:43
  as.
• 26:45
  And then not only that, I would have
• 26:46
  family say things like, you know,
• 26:48
  bring up the past and stuff like that.
• 26:50
  So, I began to wear that, but it it it's
• 26:53
  only an understanding and again, the
• 26:56
  reading of the word and learning the
• 26:58
  voice of my father
• 27:01
  during that time
• 27:04
  that really helped me to really know and
• 27:06
  believe and to this day continue to walk
• 27:10
  free of anything that the enemy tries to
• 27:13
  put on me.
• 27:13
  >> Yeah.
• 27:14
  >> And anything that the enemy tries to
• 27:15
  whisper. Cuz even to this day, I mean,
• 27:17
  I'm not saying I'm not completely
• 27:19
  perfect. I have to fight those thoughts.
• 27:22
  I still fight like, you know, pushing
• 27:24
  back. No, I am the beloved of God. God
• 27:28
  does love me. Like and I'm not saying
• 27:30
  this like I'm I dwell in those thoughts
• 27:32
  or anything. I'm saying like this is
• 27:34
  just the Christian walk.
• 27:36
  Um
• 27:38
  constantly renewing my mind and that's
• 27:40
  what I push on other other women.
• 27:42
  Constantly get into the word of God and
• 27:47
  and understand his love for you.
• 27:51
  Cuz only the Holy Spirit can reveal that
• 27:52
  to you.
• 27:53
  >> Yeah.
• 27:53
  >> He's the one that reveals all truth.
• 27:55
  >> Amen. I was going to ask you about that
• 27:58
  like about the past like in terms of
• 28:01
  what the warfare looks like if cuz you
• 28:03
  you can tell when you've been delivered
• 28:04
  from something because
• 28:06
  it's no longer something that's
• 28:08
  internalized and without a lack of
• 28:11
  ability to crucify, but when those
• 28:13
  voices are like outside like looking for
• 28:15
  an open door, you're just like, no. And
• 28:18
  it's not that it's necessarily easy to
• 28:21
  make it go away, but it is promised that
• 28:24
  when we resist and resist and resist and
• 28:26
  submit, it will go eventually.
• 28:29
  >> Um so
• 28:31
  I always say that the devil has like
• 28:33
  nothing new to hold against you.
• 28:36
  So he always has to quite literally has
• 28:39
  to revert back to your grave. Like, hey,
• 28:41
  look what you did. You remember this?
• 28:42
  Like this is
• 28:44
  this is who you were and this is
• 28:45
  probably who you're always going to be,
• 28:47
  kind of thing.
• 28:48
  >> Oh, yeah.
• 28:48
  >> So, what does that what does that
• 28:50
  process look like for you? Do you still
• 28:51
  Do you still have to combat
• 28:53
  >> Yep.
• 28:54
  >> him lying and saying like you're just
• 28:56
  you're just filthy or cheater? Yeah.
• 28:58
  >> [snorts]
• 28:58
  >> Well, but you know what? It's not No
• 28:59
  longer it's not the cheater. So, this is
• 29:01
  why I say
• 29:03
  when you were saying that um
• 29:05
  that it doesn't get it it'll eventually
• 29:07
  go away. Now, yeah, they will you'll
• 29:10
  become stronger
• 29:12
  the more you consistently
• 29:14
  combat with the word of God and
• 29:16
  consistently renew your mind on that
• 29:18
  thing, but the enemy will always come
• 29:20
  with another thing
• 29:22
  >> Yeah.
• 29:22
  >> that you're like, "Dang, I didn't even
• 29:24
  know that that was there." Or like
• 29:28
  something crazy. Um
• 29:31
  so
• 29:32
  I just say that the question again, say
• 29:35
  that one more time so I can make sure I
• 29:36
  don't ramble on.
• 29:36
  >> No, you're totally good. It's just um
• 29:39
  what does that warfare look like and how
• 29:40
  do you combat it?
• 29:42
  >> Yes, okay. So, the word.
• 29:44
  >> That's it.
• 29:45
  >> The word.
• 29:45
  >> isn't it?
• 29:46
  >> Uh yeah, and I know [laughter] I know it
• 29:48
  sounds so cliché, but I'm telling you it
• 29:51
  really is. But I think too, I
• 29:54
  I had found a love for it. That's how it
• 29:57
  it just um
• 29:59
  that's what happened on that day.
• 30:01
  >> Yeah.
• 30:01
  >> After I lost my son. I It was like
• 30:04
  the word came alive.
• 30:07
  And that was the only thing that changed
• 30:09
  my mind.
• 30:10
  And
• 30:13
  it was like everything else just didn't
• 30:15
  matter. So,
• 30:18
  yeah, I say that to say the word of God
• 30:22
  submitting yourself to prayer
• 30:24
  as well because it was then where I
• 30:26
  think that it's in that place where you
• 30:28
  learn the voice of the Lord.
• 30:30
  It's like you were saying, you know, it
• 30:31
  doesn't mean that you know, you're still
• 30:33
  going to get those outside voices, but
• 30:35
  Jesus says, "My sheep know my voice and
• 30:37
  the strangers they
• 30:39
  they they run from her. They don't
• 30:40
  follow.
• 30:42
  So,
• 30:43
  yeah, intimacy with the Lord in prayer
• 30:46
  and learning his voice
• 30:49
  in prayer as well as the word of God
• 30:54
  and just being led by him.
• 30:57
  Yeah, you need community. You need
• 30:58
  people that will
• 31:00
  pour into you.
• 31:01
  And uh
• 31:03
  and and he will a lot of times use those
• 31:05
  people to say exactly what he's saying
• 31:06
  to you. Like a lot of a lot of times.
• 31:10
  You it will be a lot of confirmation and
• 31:12
  and
• 31:13
  and or edification, I'll say that.
• 31:16
  >> Yeah.
• 31:17
  So, what do you tell women cuz I can
• 31:20
  only imagine that you get this at least
• 31:22
  from time to time that
• 31:25
  when someone goes through what you went
• 31:26
  through, I would say probably the
• 31:28
  knee-jerk reaction isn't well, I'm like
• 31:31
  in love with the word of God like never
• 31:33
  before. I would say it's probably more
• 31:35
  common of like
• 31:38
  why?
• 31:39
  Where were you? Why did you do this to
• 31:41
  me? Do you even love me? So, do you have
• 31:44
  women that like come to you with that?
• 31:45
  Like like they feel like they
• 31:47
  they're mad at God
• 31:49
  and they don't know how to like overcome
• 31:51
  that barrier that they feel like
• 31:56
  how you know, cuz getting over something
• 31:57
  like I just can't. I can't imagine.
• 32:00
  >> So, trying to think back to when I
• 32:02
  actually had that cuz I'm no longer I
• 32:04
  mean, I've ministered in that space, but
• 32:06
  the Lord's kind of moved me forward um
• 32:09
  from that area.
• 32:12
  But,
• 32:13
  when I did get that,
• 32:17
  it's it was a lot of just pouring into
• 32:20
  them
• 32:22
  the understanding of the love that God
• 32:25
  has. So,
• 32:26
  I'll say
• 32:27
  >> [snorts]
• 32:28
  >> I would get a lot of women who would say
• 32:30
  things like um
• 32:31
  they were upset at the fact that
• 32:34
  they had to lose their child.
• 32:36
  >> Mhm.
• 32:36
  >> And
• 32:39
  it was a lot of helping them to
• 32:40
  understand like, "Hey, you know, God
• 32:43
  himself that was the first time where
• 32:45
  when Jesus is on the cross, that was the
• 32:47
  first time where he actually forsook his
• 32:49
  son."
• 32:50
  You know, and Jesus
• 32:52
  that was the first time Jesus ever
• 32:56
  didn't have, you know, or his father
• 32:57
  forsook him.
• 32:59
  And so God understands that pain. He
• 33:02
  understands what you're going through
• 33:05
  and he's not the one that did it to you.
• 33:07
  He is good. He is perfect. He is true.
• 33:11
  So, I think just
• 33:13
  understanding
• 33:15
  who he is and not who the devil is
• 33:17
  trying to convince you who he is to you.
• 33:20
  Like, that's that's a major That's what
• 33:23
  a major portion of the the that ministry
• 33:26
  is like.
• 33:28
  Um or what I was ministering to at the
• 33:31
  time when I did have like my little
• 33:32
  group cuz I had a group of women that I
• 33:34
  would pour into. I used to go We used to
• 33:36
  go on Clubhouse. All kinds of All kinds
• 33:38
  of stuff. Yeah.
• 33:40
  >> [laughter]
• 33:40
  >> Did um I actually really like that you
• 33:42
  said that. I want to go back to that for
• 33:43
  a second.
• 33:43
  >> Okay.
• 33:44
  >> That the devil Wait.
• 33:47
  God is who he is, not who the devil is
• 33:49
  trying to convince you God is. I don't
• 33:50
  think anybody's exempt from that like
• 33:52
  regardless of
• 33:54
  their circumstance or their tragedy. He
• 33:56
  wants to do that to everybody just like
• 33:57
  just completely distort how you view God
• 34:00
  and your relationship to God and how you
• 34:03
  how you see yourself
• 34:05
  based on whatever distortion you think
• 34:08
  God sees you so that the the
• 34:09
  relationship is all messed up.
• 34:11
  >> Yeah.
• 34:12
  >> Um I just that's really key and I I want
• 34:14
  people to catch that.
• 34:16
  >> Yeah.
• 34:16
  >> Because of what you mentioned earlier
• 34:19
  that Jesus says, "My sheep know my
• 34:21
  voice." And so we just like have to know
• 34:22
  what his voice sounds like. And if
• 34:24
  anything sounds contrarian to that
• 34:26
  voice, then it is the enemy. Or it's our
• 34:28
  trauma or whatever it is, but
• 34:31
  you just got to get to a place where you
• 34:35
  are willing
• 34:37
  despite what you feel, despite what you
• 34:40
  see, despite what you're walking
• 34:41
  through, where you are just willing to
• 34:44
  say I
• 34:45
  I don't care.
• 34:48
  I'm going to listen
• 34:50
  to what this says, to what the word
• 34:52
  says, to what His voice is telling me is
• 34:54
  true,
• 34:56
  even if I can't feel it, because that's
• 34:57
  like how you truly learn to renew your
• 35:01
  mind and store His word in your heart.
• 35:05
  And it will it will change anything
• 35:07
  about anything, any situation you're
• 35:09
  going through. Infidelity, loss, like
• 35:11
  name it, addiction, anything.
• 35:14
  It will, but there has to be
• 35:17
  an active participation.
• 35:19
  >> Diligence in seeking Him.
• 35:21
  >> Yeah.
• 35:22
  >> Cuz I feel like it is so easy.
• 35:24
  Um matter of fact, I know it's easy to
• 35:26
  just roll over and be like,
• 35:29
  "Well,
• 35:30
  you know, the Lord give, the Lord taketh
• 35:32
  away," you know, kind of thing.
• 35:33
  >> Yeah.
• 35:34
  >> It's like when it it they compare
• 35:35
  everything to Job. It's like, "Well,
• 35:36
  when you read Job,
• 35:38
  >> Oh God.
• 35:38
  >> you recognize that actually he's saying
• 35:41
  a lot of wrong stuff. Like, you know
• 35:43
  what I mean? He he's
• 35:44
  >> I'm glad somebody said it, cuz I think a
• 35:46
  lot of people are like
• 35:48
  I'm like, "I read Job and I'm like,
• 35:50
  uh-uh, thank God for Jesus."
• 35:52
  >> So like, look what look what God did to
• 35:54
  Job. I'm like, "Did you read it where it
• 35:55
  says he says to Satan, 'I'll do whatever
• 35:58
  you want to him, just don't kill him.'"
• 35:59
  >> Oh God.
• 36:00
  >> Yeah. Man, I mean, I think it's hard
• 36:03
  because people don't want to hear that
• 36:05
  something is required of you. Not that
• 36:06
  anything's required of your salvation,
• 36:08
  but
• 36:09
  there is
• 36:11
  there is a an aspect of your own
• 36:14
  responsibility in the relationship to be
• 36:17
  a good steward of your own
• 36:22
  your own temple, like your body, which
• 36:24
  is
• 36:25
  your flesh and your soul, like your
• 36:27
  mind, your will, and emotions. You have
• 36:29
  to be a good steward of that.
• 36:31
  And the only way to do it is to submit
• 36:33
  unto his spirit.
• 36:35
  >> Yeah.
• 36:35
  >> So that you can actually transform, and
• 36:37
  it's
• 36:39
  We don't want to do that. We don't want
• 36:40
  to do that work. Like we don't we
• 36:42
  We don't want to We don't want to fight
• 36:44
  the war against ourselves. We don't want
• 36:46
  to fight the war against our devil. We
• 36:47
  just want to sit and kind of wait for
• 36:50
  like to be raptured and go into the
• 36:52
  clouds one day. You know what I mean?
• 36:53
  >> yeah. I get exactly what you're saying.
• 36:56
  And but I think that it like you were
• 36:58
  just talking about, the diligence in
• 37:00
  seeking him. Like there's so many I was
• 37:03
  just reading today about the Lord in
• 37:05
  Amos chapter 5. He was saying, "Seek me
• 37:07
  and live."
• 37:08
  Like and then not only that, and in
• 37:10
  Jeremiah he says, "Seek me with your
• 37:12
  whole heart."
• 37:13
  Like the Lord's so easily found.
• 37:17
  >> Truly.
• 37:18
  >> And um if we're just diligent about it
• 37:21
  about
• 37:23
  finding him, like or just seeking him,
• 37:28
  he'll reveal himself in in a way that
• 37:31
  nobody, nothing can
• 37:33
  do for you. And
• 37:35
  speak to you like nobody
• 37:37
  >> Yeah.
• 37:37
  >> speak to you.
• 37:38
  >> Yeah. I can't tell you how many times
• 37:40
  I've
• 37:41
  even more than I want to admit recently
• 37:43
  even, like like I'm having a bad day.
• 37:46
  I'm experiencing all this warfare. And I
• 37:47
  will just I don't know what the Lord how
• 37:49
  the Lord talks to you, but he's like,
• 37:50
  "When's the last time you read my read
• 37:51
  my word?" I'm like, "Oh, it can't be
• 37:54
  that." He's like,
• 37:55
  >> Yes.
• 37:56
  >> Like come spend time with me and
• 37:58
  everything will be fine."
• 37:59
  >> Yeah.
• 38:00
  >> Like it is it is that simple. It's not
• 38:03
  always easy, but it is simple cuz the
• 38:05
  devil will do what
• 38:07
  whatever to convince you to stay out of
• 38:09
  this because it is literally life and it
• 38:12
  is a sword.
• 38:13
  >> Yeah.
• 38:13
  >> And it is our only It is our sustenance.
• 38:16
  >> Yeah.
• 38:16
  >> And then just getting in your prayer
• 38:17
  closet and like talking to him. Like get
• 38:19
  off your phone, stop scrolling. Just go
• 38:21
  go be with him, Go talk to him.
• 38:23
  >> Like someone can look at you and be
• 38:25
  like, "How can she overcome those How
• 38:27
  can
• 38:28
  her [gasps] her and her husband overcome
• 38:29
  infidelity? How can they overcome the
• 38:31
  loss of a child? How can she sit there
• 38:34
  and smile about the will of God?" It's
• 38:36
  like, "Because I know him, right?" I
• 38:38
  mean, it's that simple.
• 38:39
  >> Yeah. And I believe that he loves me.
• 38:42
  I do. I think that's that's a lot of
• 38:44
  what's missing.
• 38:45
  >> A lot of what is just what you said is
• 38:47
  missing
• 38:49
  is just the belief that God genuinely
• 38:51
  loves you.
• 38:54
  And as someone who struggled with
• 38:56
  rejection,
• 38:57
  >> Mhm.
• 38:57
  >> that is a really hard thing to accept.
• 39:00
  Like, but it's like, "How much more
• 39:02
  evidence do you need?" He sent his one
• 39:04
  and only begotten son, but then that's
• 39:06
  why I say
• 39:07
  my a lot of what I would do is like
• 39:09
  minister to women and tell them, "You
• 39:11
  have to go in in-depth and learn about
• 39:15
  Jesus. Learn about what he went through
• 39:18
  for you on the cross."
• 39:20
  >> Yeah. >> Like,
• 39:21
  learn
• 39:23
  the heart of God towards the oppressed,
• 39:27
  those that are vulnerable,
• 39:30
  the broken-hearted. Learn the his heart
• 39:35
  for you and for people.
• 39:37
  >> Yeah.
• 39:38
  So, I want to hear a little bit about
• 39:40
  from that space cuz you said the Lord's
• 39:42
  kind of shifted you and from what I see
• 39:44
  you post online, I see that you just
• 39:45
  have a
• 39:46
  I mean, your heart for women hasn't gone
• 39:48
  anywhere. You're still like heavily
• 39:49
  ministering to women, but you talk a lot
• 39:52
  about You talk about unforgiveness. You
• 39:54
  talk a lot about gossip. You talk about
• 39:56
  emotional manipulation and all these
• 39:57
  sorts of things. And so, just hearing
• 39:59
  you speak, I'm recognizing the pattern,
• 40:02
  obviously, that, you know, you know
• 40:04
  where you've come from and you know that
• 40:06
  these are the things that hardened your
• 40:07
  heart for years
• 40:09
  >> Mhm.
• 40:09
  >> and kept you in a space of rebellion
• 40:13
  where you weren't bearing good fruit and
• 40:16
  you didn't experience the love of Christ
• 40:19
  the way you do now that you have put all
• 40:21
  those things off. So, can you just tell
• 40:23
  me a little bit about that? Like what
• 40:24
  the Lord has led you into and
• 40:27
  what your heart is for revival,
• 40:28
  especially for women right now?
• 40:30
  >> I've learned I'm learning
• 40:33
  just so
• 40:34
  much of his heart towards, especially in
• 40:37
  this time. And not only that, like I
• 40:38
  said, when we were I was speaking about
• 40:40
  Jesus, like
• 40:43
  I am still a student of like
• 40:45
  >> Yeah, amen. Learning
• 40:47
  about Christ. Like I I don't feel like
• 40:49
  we should ever be at a place where we're
• 40:51
  like, "Oh, I know it." Like this
• 40:52
  overconfidence.
• 40:54
  Like yeah, I know it. No, I need to know
• 40:57
  um
• 40:58
  his love. And so,
• 41:01
  the area where he's kind of shifted me
• 41:04
  is uh just standing up for a lot of uh
• 41:10
  like the oppressed. Yeah.
• 41:12
  And
• 41:15
  standing against unrighteousness.
• 41:18
  Yeah. Speaking against all wickedness,
• 41:20
  not just unforgiveness or gossip or
• 41:22
  anything like that, but but
• 41:28
  learning what was on what was on his
• 41:30
  heart then is on his heart now. And it's
• 41:33
  why he sent his son that all could be
• 41:35
  forgiven. Repent, forgive, so on and so
• 41:38
  forth. Like or he repent, he will
• 41:41
  forgive and and yeah. But
• 41:45
  that's kind of like I hope I'm making
• 41:47
  sense. That's exactly where the Lord's
• 41:48
  led me. Yeah. And I like it a lot. Um
• 41:51
  you know, talking about like persecution
• 41:53
  and stuff. Oh, yeah. Cuz I'm sure
• 41:55
  I mean, this won't be out for a while,
• 41:56
  but like I'm sure you saw what happened
• 41:58
  this past weekend and
• 42:00
  like we have brothers and sisters being
• 42:01
  literally slaughtered um across the
• 42:04
  world.
• 42:05
  And then we go online and like we
• 42:07
  complain about our bad day and you know,
• 42:08
  like we got a nasty comment
• 42:11
  on TikTok and we're like, I'm being
• 42:13
  persecuted right now.
• 42:14
  It's like, no.
• 42:16
  You're really not. You're you're really
• 42:18
  not.
• 42:19
  Um and it's [clears throat] so just
• 42:22
  like westernized I mean, it's kind of
• 42:24
  like shifting gears, but that's okay.
• 42:25
  Like westernized Christianity has just
• 42:27
  like been so
• 42:29
  it's just made us like so comfortable
• 42:31
  and so complacent.
• 42:34
  And matter of fact, has made it easier
• 42:36
  for us to get into a place where our
• 42:38
  hearts are hard because
• 42:40
  we think like our our bad day is like
• 42:43
  the end all be all of of the struggles
• 42:45
  in life. You know what I mean? And
• 42:48
  >> Yeah.
• 42:49
  >> So,
• 42:50
  what
• 42:51
  what fruit have you seen from
• 42:54
  kind of shifting gears and talking about
• 42:55
  this stuff more?
• 42:57
  >> People repenting.
• 42:59
  >> Yeah.
• 42:59
  >> Yeah. I don't want to shift gears like
• 43:01
  too too too much, but like the incident
• 43:04
  that took place with the joke.
• 43:06
  Uh discrimination, racism, all these
• 43:08
  things. And um
• 43:10
  some people
• 43:12
  you know, they forget, you know, that
• 43:13
  even God himself has boundaries. Like
• 43:18
  there's nothing wrong with having
• 43:19
  liberty in Christ and
• 43:22
  you know, there's so much freedom.
• 43:24
  But
• 43:25
  even God himself has a
• 43:27
  a line where he's like, hey, I don't
• 43:30
  like coarse jokes. I don't like negative
• 43:34
  filthy speech. I don't like you know,
• 43:38
  when
• 43:39
  people are being oppressed and we're not
• 43:41
  speaking out against or praying for them
• 43:44
  or just going out and ministering the
• 43:46
  gospel like we should or
• 43:48
  feeding the poor all of these things,
• 43:50
  you know. Um
• 43:52
  So, yeah. Just to kind of give that cuz
• 43:54
  I don't want to go too too far in like
• 43:56
  the political area if that's not what
• 43:58
  this is about. But I I do. Yeah, that's
• 44:00
  kind of
• 44:01
  >> Girl, but that's good.
• 44:02
  >> [laughter]
• 44:04
  >> Man, cleaning up our mouths though, it's
• 44:07
  like
• 44:07
  >> Yeah. Oh, man.
• 44:09
  >> What a What a uh
• 44:13
  That That's a hard one for a lot of
• 44:15
  people, especially on the internet,
• 44:16
  because
• 44:17
  >> Yes.
• 44:17
  >> it's so easy to just like get on this
• 44:19
  thing and just like
• 44:20
  and yell off like what every I I can't
• 44:23
  even tell you how many times I I want to
• 44:25
  clap back at people.
• 44:26
  >> Yeah.
• 44:27
  >> And the Lord's like, "Delete that,
• 44:28
  please." Like, just please delete that.
• 44:31
  You do not need to be talking that way.
• 44:33
  Like, we are not We are not going there.
• 44:37
  I think we overlook that a lot. Just the
• 44:39
  way we speak because
• 44:42
  See, it's it's actually not off, because
• 44:44
  out of the abundance of the heart, the
• 44:46
  mouth speaks. So, when we are able to
• 44:48
  indulge in
• 44:52
  You know, I'm not saying the Lord
• 44:53
  doesn't have a sense of humor, but it
• 44:54
  can get to a point where it is like so
• 44:56
  crude and
• 44:58
  wicked that that actually reveals
• 45:00
  something in your heart that still is
• 45:03
  not fully surrendered and needs to be
• 45:05
  dealt with.
• 45:06
  >> Yeah.
• 45:07
  >> What does this What do you think like
• 45:08
  the process of kind of allowing him to
• 45:10
  purify you from literally the inside out
• 45:13
  looks like?
• 45:15
  >> So, what he'll do is he'll literally
• 45:17
  test me before
• 45:19
  like I've noticed this. Now, I'm not
• 45:21
  trying to
• 45:22
  say I I know what he's doing like what
• 45:24
  he does cuz a lot of times when you
• 45:26
  think you know something, he changes it
• 45:28
  and it's like
• 45:28
  >> Yeah, you can say that again.
• 45:30
  >> [laughter]
• 45:32
  >> But, um he Yeah, he really will a lot of
• 45:36
  times he's begin to test me
• 45:39
  um
• 45:41
  before even speaking a thing.
• 45:45
  And
• 45:47
  and I learn from that.
• 45:49
  >> Mhm.
• 45:50
  >> Especially if I failed it through and
• 45:52
  then I I learn from repentance
• 45:55
  and understanding his heart against it
• 45:58
  like
• 45:59
  Oh, man, like even just listening to
• 46:02
  gossip.
• 46:04
  I didn't realize how
• 46:07
  the Lord hates like he
• 46:10
  hates that. So much so like in Psalm
• 46:13
  101, he says
• 46:15
  um
• 46:16
  I will turn away
• 46:18
  those who like gossip, those who are
• 46:21
  slandering or
• 46:23
  Forgive me if you go read it. It's in
• 46:24
  Psalm 101. But, he talks about this and
• 46:27
  I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't even
• 46:29
  understand." He was just a person there.
• 46:36
  I believe David, he was there and he's
• 46:38
  saying, "I'm going to I will turn them
• 46:40
  away that are secretly talking about
• 46:44
  others."
• 46:45
  And I'm like, "Oh man, like
• 46:47
  God really hates
• 46:50
  this so deeply."
• 46:52
  And I had to learn from that by
• 46:56
  him convicting me and a lot of times
• 46:59
  it's not like some harsh thing, but
• 47:02
  a lot of times he'll
• 47:03
  almost like
• 47:05
  like in prayer, I'll I'll be sitting
• 47:08
  there. I'm like, waiting for him and
• 47:10
  he's like waiting for me.
• 47:12
  Like, does that make I pray I'm not
• 47:13
  rambling.
• 47:14
  >> No, you're making perfect sense, trust
• 47:16
  me. You're a mystery to me, dude. You
• 47:17
  don't even know what that's like, for
• 47:19
  real.
• 47:20
  >> "Oh God, I'm very aware of myself.
• 47:22
  Please understand I'm like
• 47:25
  Okay, just let me say what you want me
• 47:27
  to say, but
• 47:29
  >> I think I've actually noticed that, too.
• 47:31
  Um, you know, I will get
• 47:34
  I will get tested on things that
• 47:37
  maybe not like you're saying kind of
• 47:38
  before you speak them. I feel like it
• 47:40
  happens to me after I speak it cuz I I
• 47:42
  do have like a
• 47:44
  quick to speak issue.
• 47:45
  >> That's happened to
• 47:46
  >> where I feel really convicted on
• 47:48
  something and I'm like, "This is so
• 47:49
  great. I have to share this. This is a
• 47:50
  great revelation." Like, X Y Z, share it
• 47:53
  and then and then I get tested in that
• 47:55
  area. Like, "You really believe it? Do
• 47:56
  you believe it? Are you going to Are you
• 47:58
  going to Are you going to hold to it in
• 48:00
  your own walk with me?
• 48:02
  And like, I fail.
• 48:03
  >> Mhm.
• 48:04
  >> And And that leads me like you just said
• 48:05
  that leads me to repentance and then
• 48:07
  ultimately it does He use I mean, he
• 48:09
  uses everything.
• 48:11
  >> Everything.
• 48:11
  >> When we truly have like a contrite heart
• 48:13
  before him.
• 48:15
  And I think that's like that's the key
• 48:16
  is like that
• 48:18
  you know, it's always the kind of thing
• 48:19
  it's like I don't have any pride in the
• 48:21
  second like you say that.
• 48:22
  >> There you go.
• 48:24
  >> Exactly.
• 48:25
  You just have to You have to be willing
• 48:27
  to always acknowledge that you're
• 48:28
  probably dealing with a pride issue in
• 48:30
  some form or another. So that he can
• 48:32
  actually deal with it.
• 48:34
  >> Yeah.
• 48:34
  >> Because he's not he's not He's literally
• 48:36
  Isn't it interesting the Bible says he
• 48:38
  literally will not
• 48:40
  He will resist you. Like, he will put
• 48:42
  you off if you're proud.
• 48:43
  >> Yep, he'll oppose you.
• 48:44
  >> So I think a lot of
• 48:47
  the warfare we we would we would come to
• 48:50
  in general and no matter what situation
• 48:52
  we're in, it it can come back to our own
• 48:55
  pride because we're being kind of too
• 48:57
  good to just go there with him.
• 48:59
  And he's resisting.
• 49:01
  >> Yep.
• 49:02
  >> I mean, like even your marriage, right?
• 49:05
  If you had both approached that from a
• 49:07
  posture of pride, he would have actually
• 49:10
  resist the reconciliation and the
• 49:12
  transformation
• 49:13
  that he want was interested in
• 49:15
  facilitating through the both of you.
• 49:17
  >> And that's good because actually that's
• 49:19
  exactly what was happening before we
• 49:21
  lost our son. So that
• 49:24
  >> Wow.
• 49:24
  >> had but
• 49:27
  and the pride in our hearts of
• 49:29
  you know, my husband was hurt, I was
• 49:31
  hurt, but
• 49:34
  bringing up nasty remarks, you know,
• 49:37
  to each other during that time where
• 49:40
  you're supposed to be forgiving each
• 49:41
  other and moving on. We talk about this
• 49:44
  in our book.
• 49:45
  Which I literally don't have I literally
• 49:48
  don't have any word press copies, but
• 49:50
  um
• 49:51
  yeah, we we we used to do things like
• 49:53
  that and God was not pleased with it.
• 49:56
  He's like, "If you're going to forgive,
• 49:58
  forgive all the way.
• 50:00
  >> Yeah.
• 50:00
  >> Forget about it.
• 50:02
  >> Yeah.
• 50:02
  >> Like,
• 50:04
  we weren't doing that. We weren't
• 50:06
  allowing
• 50:07
  um we we weren't laying down the issues
• 50:10
  of our heart or the hurts.
• 50:14
  And
• 50:16
  picking up our cross.
• 50:18
  >> So, what does that what does that look
• 50:19
  like for you guys now? Like, do you have
• 50:21
  like a
• 50:22
  a process? I know some couples will do
• 50:24
  like and we don't do this. I've wanted
• 50:26
  to, but we're just not good at the
• 50:28
  follow-through. I'm like, "We should sit
• 50:30
  down once a week and just like talk
• 50:31
  about what you know, our feels." So, you
• 50:33
  know, I know some couples like have that
• 50:34
  kind of process. So, what is
• 50:36
  What does your process look like in if
• 50:39
  one of you's bothered, if XYZ, like,
• 50:41
  "Hey, this is coming up from the pa- I
• 50:42
  just want to talk." Like, what is what
• 50:44
  How do you guys
• 50:45
  kind of approach those things now?
• 50:47
  >> So, now we just we're in a different
• 50:50
  place. So, we can just talk.
• 50:52
  >> Yeah, we just talk about
• 50:55
  anything. Now, nothing, glory be to God,
• 50:59
  from the infidelity ever comes up.
• 51:02
  Um,
• 51:03
  but
• 51:06
  our process of communication is just
• 51:08
  shifted.
• 51:10
  Um, and
• 51:12
  I can say like, let's say there's
• 51:14
  something I don't agree with.
• 51:17
  Before I where I would
• 51:19
  rebuke publicly, it's privately. Like,
• 51:22
  we have to
• 51:23
  >> Right.
• 51:23
  >> come together, sit down, talk, admit
• 51:27
  like, "Hey, what is it that you're
• 51:29
  hearing that I'm saying?" I would love
• 51:30
  to hear that. Like, cuz you know, some
• 51:32
  people hear differently, especially
• 51:33
  when, you know, you're offended, you
• 51:36
  hear differently.
• 51:37
  >> true.
• 51:37
  >> Um,
• 51:39
  give each other space, time.
• 51:43
  That that's a thing. But, we usually are
• 51:45
  always like, "Hey, if there's something
• 51:47
  that we don't agree with, let's make
• 51:49
  sure we handle it before we go to bed."
• 51:51
  Like
• 51:52
  >> Don't let the sun set on your anger.
• 51:53
  >> Oh god, yeah.
• 51:54
  >> It's so real cuz then you get into a
• 51:55
  cycle.
• 51:56
  >> Oh god, and I'm a dreamer.
• 51:58
  And I feel like it will open the door to
• 52:01
  the enemy.
• 52:02
  >> [laughter]
• 52:02
  >> Like,
• 52:03
  uh-uh.
• 52:04
  We got to handle this.
• 52:05
  >> Amen.
• 52:06
  Yeah, that's such an important verse. We
• 52:08
  just like it's so easy to overlook.
• 52:09
  >> Yeah.
• 52:10
  >> What have you learned about what it
• 52:12
  means to be a biblical wife and like how
• 52:16
  have you seen the fruit of that
• 52:18
  just manifest not even in your own
• 52:20
  marriage, but in your like your own
• 52:22
  your own femininity, like your own peace
• 52:24
  kind of thing?
• 52:26
  >> Submission.
• 52:27
  Trusting the covering of my husband.
• 52:30
  >> Yeah. And I'm proud I not proud like
• 52:32
  pride, but I am happy about it.
• 52:35
  I love that man.
• 52:38
  I want him to lead our family.
• 52:39
  >> Mhm.
• 52:40
  >> Um
• 52:42
  And that's a lot of our testimony.
• 52:44
  That's why I like Anyway, let me just
• 52:45
  not
• 52:47
  Submit. Submit to your husband. Submit
• 52:49
  to my husband. Um love him.
• 52:52
  I love being a mom. I love being a wife.
• 52:54
  I love that that
• 52:56
  I don't have to make
• 52:58
  the decisions for my family. I I I can
• 53:01
  pray for him. I pray for my husband.
• 53:03
  Um taking on that role. I'm a teacher.
• 53:06
  Teach my kids.
• 53:07
  >> Mhm.
• 53:08
  >> I nurture.
• 53:10
  Um
• 53:12
  Yeah, that's
• 53:15
  And and and I get to I get to love the
• 53:17
  Lord
• 53:18
  in all of it.
• 53:19
  >> Right.
• 53:20
  >> Like you get to see Jesus in all
• 53:24
  all of it. Literally all of it. Loving
• 53:26
  your husband.
• 53:27
  >> Mhm.
• 53:28
  >> Loving your children.
• 53:29
  Teaching them in home school like I cuz
• 53:31
  we home school our kids. Our home school
• 53:33
  we we home school. And um
• 53:36
  yeah.
• 53:38
  Just
• 53:40
  and allowing the Lord to fill in the
• 53:41
  gaps.
• 53:42
  >> Mhm. I can't fill anything.
• 53:44
  >> And you um you have two boys, right? And
• 53:49
  they they were already here before you
• 53:52
  lost the third. Is that am I
• 53:53
  understanding that? So, how has that
• 53:55
  changed you as a mom?
• 53:59
  >> I you can ask my husband. I love those
• 54:02
  kids with I feel like crying. I love
• 54:05
  them with
• 54:06
  not in an idolatrous way, but I think
• 54:09
  that that you know
• 54:12
  I look at children differently now.
• 54:14
  Um so, I look at
• 54:19
  the little things, the little habits
• 54:20
  that they have like, you know, the
• 54:22
  whining, the crying doesn't really
• 54:24
  like bother us as much. Like it's
• 54:27
  different. It's uh
• 54:31
  just valuing their life.
• 54:33
  And um
• 54:36
  That's it That's That's the way I feel
• 54:38
  like it it's changed me. I have a
• 54:40
  different perspective. You just see them
• 54:43
  as really vulnerable.
• 54:46
  Um
• 54:47
  and their protector.
• 54:49
  Um
• 54:52
  And that you're like their everything
• 54:53
  right now.
• 54:55
  So, why
• 54:57
  It's no And I'm not saying, you know,
• 55:00
  in an idolatrous way. I'm just saying,
• 55:02
  you know, you are that.
• 55:06
  Like an
• 55:09
  not an image of God, but you're just
• 55:11
  this You are You're something huge to
• 55:13
  them.
• 55:15
  And my Yeah.
• 55:18
  Changes your attitude towards them.
• 55:20
  >> Yeah.
• 55:21
  >> That's It's changed my attitude towards
• 55:24
  >> And so, I assume you have more patience,
• 55:27
  more goodness, all the fruits of the
• 55:29
  spirit.
• 55:30
  >> My kids get away with
• 55:32
  >> [laughter]
• 55:33
  >> almost anything.
• 55:35
  Bad. But, you know what? It's okay. Um I
• 55:38
  still dis like, you know, we we we
• 55:41
  teach, they learn. Discipline is a thing
• 55:45
  um for us.
• 55:46
  Uh but, for me, I love to talk to them.
• 55:50
  I love to explain to them. I love to
• 55:52
  teach them through the word.
• 55:55
  Um
• 55:57
  I liked I like to show them where
• 56:00
  certain mistakes are in the Bible. And I
• 56:03
  like that. And then
• 56:05
  you know, we'll we'll do we'll we'll
• 56:07
  just learn. I just yeah.
• 56:09
  >> Are they like at an age where they can
• 56:11
  kind of comprehend that stuff right now?
• 56:13
  >> Oh, yeah. So,
• 56:14
  my my oldest, he definitely is he's 10.
• 56:19
  And then my youngest is 7.
• 56:22
  So, I do believe that they they get it.
• 56:24
  They understand. Especially oh, they'll
• 56:26
  remind me quickly.
• 56:28
  Yeah.
• 56:30
  They'll remind me quickly of everything
• 56:31
  I taught them.
• 56:32
  >> That's that's good. I think that we we
• 56:35
  underestimate like
• 56:37
  the propensity that a child can actually
• 56:39
  be in tune with the spirit.
• 56:41
  >> Oh, yeah.
• 56:42
  >> But, I mean, God Jesus like uses the
• 56:45
  imagery of children over and over and
• 56:48
  over again. I think probably as a way to
• 56:51
  reveal to us just
• 56:54
  how true that is. Like, they they kind
• 56:56
  of get this better than you actually.
• 56:58
  >> No, they really do. They are they are
• 57:00
  such sponges.
• 57:03
  Like,
• 57:06
  And then not only that, it kind of it
• 57:08
  has also changed the way I am. Like, my
• 57:12
  demeanor, my my the looks that I give.
• 57:16
  They're watching everything. Like,
• 57:19
  everything.
• 57:20
  >> Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I I
• 57:23
  get really like emo when we talk about
• 57:25
  like children and stuff. Yeah, cuz well,
• 57:27
  you know, my my little girl, she's 2 and
• 57:30
  we have our first boy on the way, so
• 57:32
  >> Oh.
• 57:33
  >> I just
• 57:35
  >> I didn't know it was a boy. I just knew
• 57:36
  you were pregnant, but
• 57:38
  >> Yeah, it's a boy. It's a boy.
• 57:40
  >> That's amazing. That's amazing.
• 57:43
  >> I was telling my last interview that
• 57:44
  there's
• 57:46
  like the pregnancy's going well. I'm
• 57:48
  healthy, the baby's healthy,
• 57:49
  everything's great, you know.
• 57:51
  >> Yep.
• 57:51
  >> Very very mild physical symptoms,
• 57:54
  whatever's there I can I can deal with
• 57:55
  it. I'm I'm healthy. I exercise, I eat
• 57:57
  well, so you know, I steward what I need
• 57:59
  to.
• 58:01
  But I remember from my first pregnancy
• 58:02
  the warfare is absolutely like it's
• 58:06
  preposterous.
• 58:07
  >> Yeah.
• 58:07
  >> It's insane.
• 58:08
  >> Yeah.
• 58:09
  >> Cuz the devil will capitalize on like
• 58:11
  the hormonal shifts.
• 58:13
  And just the vulnerability of
• 58:17
  carrying a seed.
• 58:19
  You know, he hates he hates the seed.
• 58:21
  >> Hates.
• 58:22
  >> So.
• 58:23
  Yeah, it's certainly a lot. Um, okay.
• 58:26
  Well, there's like so many things I
• 58:27
  could say. Anyway, that's like a whole
• 58:29
  other subject.
• 58:30
  >> [laughter]
• 58:30
  >> No, I think it flows perfectly.
• 58:33
  >> it's been on my heart talking about just
• 58:35
  this pregnancy in general. And not just
• 58:38
  pregnancy like physically what we carry
• 58:41
  as women, but just like things that the
• 58:43
  Lord takes us through
• 58:45
  when we're like pregnant with something.
• 58:48
  Or when someone else is pregnant with a
• 58:51
  dream that they're going to birth and
• 58:53
  you're barren. And you know, the Lord
• 58:56
  like will bring you up alongside those
• 58:58
  people.
• 58:59
  Because he wants to he wants you to be
• 59:02
  encouraging to them in whatever it is
• 59:04
  that he's birthing in them and not
• 59:06
  question where you're at. And so there's
• 59:08
  so many things like that that have been
• 59:10
  going through my mind as it relates to
• 59:12
  pregnancy. 40 weeks, 40 days, the
• 59:14
  trials, the testings, like so many
• 59:16
  things. I'm like he's doing something
• 59:18
  with all that that I'm sure will come
• 59:19
  out of me before this baby does.
• 59:21
  >> Yeah. [laughter]
• 59:22
  >> But um
• 59:24
  let me ask you this like kind of to
• 59:25
  close out. what
• 59:27
  um
• 59:28
  what would you say to women that maybe
• 59:31
  are struggling with
• 59:34
  shame from their past because like you,
• 59:37
  I have I've I've overcome the shame from
• 59:39
  my past. I wear it on my sleeve what
• 59:41
  I've done, what I've been through
• 59:42
  because like we overcome the devil by
• 59:44
  the word of our testimony and I am not
• 59:46
  that woman anymore. Praise the Lord.
• 59:49
  Um but I don't I don't hold it against
• 59:51
  myself what I did.
• 59:53
  >> Yes.
• 59:54
  >> And I know you don't either. So, what do
• 59:56
  you say to women who are still in a
• 59:58
  place where whether it's a mistake they
• 59:59
  made yesterday, last week, or 10 years
• 1:00:02
  ago that they feel like they cannot
• 1:00:04
  overcome this shame and this
• 1:00:06
  condemnation that they experience?
• 1:00:08
  >> Understand the power of the blood.
• 1:00:11
  >> Mhm.
• 1:00:11
  >> Uh the Bible says that he is faithful
• 1:00:15
  and just to cleanse us of all
• 1:00:17
  unrighteousness. Like that is the power
• 1:00:20
  of the blood of the Lord Jesus.
• 1:00:23
  Um and I didn't understand that.
• 1:00:25
  So, cleansing you from all the wrong
• 1:00:28
  that you've ever done.
• 1:00:32
  So much so now and then understand that
• 1:00:35
  if your heart is condemning you, God is
• 1:00:37
  God is greater than your heart. So,
• 1:00:39
  >> Wow.
• 1:00:40
  >> you can move forward confident in
• 1:00:43
  confident in the love that God has for
• 1:00:46
  you.
• 1:00:47
  Um and that's something that I remind
• 1:00:49
  myself every day. Every day. Every
• 1:00:52
  single day. Uh you know, cuz like I get
• 1:00:55
  to I'm not some
• 1:00:57
  achieved person. It really is
• 1:01:00
  the mercy and grace of God as to why he
• 1:01:02
  even
• 1:01:03
  allows
• 1:01:05
  us to do the things that we do and speak
• 1:01:08
  into places that we get to speak into.
• 1:01:12
  I don't deserve anything.
• 1:01:14
  >> Mhm.
• 1:01:15
  >> But he he gives it and so
• 1:01:18
  I just thank him for his blood and I
• 1:01:21
  understand.
• 1:01:24
  Right now,
• 1:01:25
  where I'm at, I understand
• 1:01:27
  um
• 1:01:30
  the power of his blood.
• 1:01:32
  And so, I think that that's something
• 1:01:34
  that every woman, person watching should
• 1:01:38
  understand.
• 1:01:39
  >> Yeah. I'll carry that I'll carry that
• 1:01:41
  with me, too. That That's a great
• 1:01:45
  that your heart might condemn you, but
• 1:01:46
  he's greater than your heart.
• 1:01:48
  >> Yep. Yeah, that's so good.
• 1:01:49
  >> First John. Oh gosh, I stay in that
• 1:01:51
  book.
• 1:01:53
  That one
• 1:01:54
  First John. I love John cuz he really
• 1:01:58
  like he just he affirms the love of God
• 1:02:01
  >> Yeah.
• 1:02:01
  >> for us. Like that's all I see in John.
• 1:02:05
  >> All all of John it's just the love of
• 1:02:07
  God. And so, I think
• 1:02:08
  >> is that he actually even he refers We
• 1:02:10
  always you know like we joke about it in
• 1:02:11
  the church how he like calls himself
• 1:02:13
  like the one Jesus loved.
• 1:02:15
  >> Mhm.
• 1:02:15
  >> Cuz it's like funny. It's like and then
• 1:02:17
  and then the one Jesus loved. But like
• 1:02:19
  we should be talking about ourselves
• 1:02:20
  like that. We really should.
• 1:02:23
  >> Yep.
• 1:02:24
  >> Yeah, that's really good.
• 1:02:25
  >> That is so good.
• 1:02:26
  >> Thank you, John.
• 1:02:27
  >> You love the word of God. Yes. Yes.
• 1:02:30
  >> [laughter]
• 1:02:31
  >> Uh where um where can people find you?
• 1:02:33
  And I know you don't have your book, but
• 1:02:35
  that's okay. What is it called? Because
• 1:02:37
  you wrote it with your husband, right? I
• 1:02:38
  just think that's awesome.
• 1:02:39
  >> Yeah, so uh Instagram, TikTok.
• 1:02:43
  Um you can find me on YouTube. I'm
• 1:02:44
  really sporadic. The Lord's working with
• 1:02:46
  me in in making longer form YouTube
• 1:02:48
  videos. Um Raven Hartwell, Raven Thomas
• 1:02:51
  Hartwell
• 1:02:53
  um on Instagram and Raven Hartwell
• 1:02:57
  TikTok.
• 1:02:58
  And I believe Raven Thomas Hartwell on
• 1:03:00
  YouTube. And um
• 1:03:02
  my book you can find it on Amazon,
• 1:03:05
  Barnes and Noble online.
• 1:03:08
  IngramSpark. I think if you just Google
• 1:03:11
  it, you probably will you can find it.
• 1:03:13
  And it's called We Overcame.
• 1:03:15
  Uh by Raven and Keith Hartwell.
• 1:03:16
  >> It's such a good name.
• 1:03:17
  >> Yeah,
• 1:03:18
  the Lord's so cool. Like
• 1:03:21
  He's so cool. We overcame him by the
• 1:03:23
  blood of the lamb and the word of our
• 1:03:24
  testimony.
• 1:03:26
  >> Yeah.
• 1:03:26
  >> I could ask you a thousand questions
• 1:03:27
  about writing a book with your spouse,
• 1:03:29
  but I'll save that for another time.
• 1:03:30
  >> You can. I love Listen, I love I We just
• 1:03:34
  We enjoyed it. It was nobody but the
• 1:03:35
  Lord.
• 1:03:36
  >> Yeah.
• 1:03:36
  >> Nobody.
• 1:03:38
  Yeah.
• 1:03:38
  >> That's amazing. Thank you for sharing
• 1:03:40
  your story. Thank you for just pouring
• 1:03:42
  into us today.
• 1:03:43
  >> Thank you for having me.
• 1:03:44
  >> that we could do this.
• 1:03:45
  >> Yeah.
• 1:03:46
  >> I'm so happy.
• 1:03:47
  >> I'm happy about it, too. I'm waiting for
• 1:03:49
  another panel. We need to do another
• 1:03:50
  panel.
• 1:03:51
  >> Amen. Let's prophesy that. Yeah, the
• 1:03:53
  panels are fun.
• 1:03:55
  That was good.
• 1:03:55
  >> That's fun.
• 1:03:56
  >> We'll link that video down below, as
• 1:03:57
  well, if you haven't seen it. It was a
• 1:03:58
  really great conversation with the four
• 1:04:00
  of us.
• 1:04:01
  Um, well, thank you so much. I love you.
• 1:04:03
  You're a blessing. And
• 1:04:06
  let us know in the comments down below
• 1:04:07
  what you thought of this video. Thank
• 1:04:09
  you guys for watching.