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I don't think you love the narcissist anymore! · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about how you no longer love the
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  narcissist if you new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  I don't think you love them anymore.
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  I don't, you know, I know a lot of people.
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  You. I talk to a lot of people.
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  Y'all, let's be realistic. I've talked to thousands of
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  people over the last 3-4 years that have been in toxic
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  relationships with dealing with narcissistic people.
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  And one of the most common things that people say is that
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  it's hard to get over them when you still love them.
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  And I ask, what do you love about them?
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  So what do you love about this person?
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  What you know, What do you what? What do you what do you love
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  about them right now? I know what you loved about
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  them, but what do you love about them right now?
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  Especially when you're talking to me, especially when you're
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  trying to heal from this person. What do you love about them
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  right now? Literally think about it.
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  Think about it in this space right here.
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  Answer the question right now. What do you love about them
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  right now, in this moment? Not what you used to love.
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  Not what you. Not the person you met.
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  Not what they. Not their representative.
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  Not who they sent to meet you. Not who they pretended to be.
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  Not what they've done for you in the past, Right now, in this
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  moment, because you have to update your relationship.
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  Resume the job. Let Let Lookout.
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  Yeah, they might no longer be qualified to be with you
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  anymore. They might not.
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  You might have outgrown them. You might have had love for
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  them, the previous version of them, that you fell in love with
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  somebody who they pretended to be.
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  But right now, in this exact moment, what do you love about
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  them? You might have some lust for
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  them. They might be physically
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  attractive. You might still be tingling
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  that. But you might still be tingling
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  down low when you think about them, not what you miss about
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  them. What do you love?
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  What do you love about them right now?
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  Because love shouldn't hurt. Y'all.
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  Love is not pain. I know people, people try to
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  convince you that love is pain. Love is suffering.
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  You have to go through hard times to be in love.
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  Yeah, hard times like both of Y'all lost your jobs.
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  Hard times like like you know, a car accident or something like
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  that. Hard times like one of Y'all is
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  sick and both of y'all are sick. Hard times like surviving the
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  pandemic together, Hard times like that.
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  Not hard times like cheating. Physical emotional abuse, verbal
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  abuse. That's not the hard time that
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  people were talking about. Those are forced times.
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  Those are forced difficulties. Those are not hard times that
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  you can that those are not controllables you may you cannot
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  make those are controllables. The non controllables are the
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  hard times. Like you can't control a
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  pandemic. You can't control getting sick.
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  You can't control getting hurt. You can't control getting older.
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  You can't control disagreeing on certain things.
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  You can't control, You know different religions and things
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  like that. You can't control something that
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  might be something you can control.
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  There's certain things so much you cannot control.
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  What you can't control is how you treat each other.
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  They troll. They troll.
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  They chose to. They chose to cheat on you.
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  They chose to treat you badly. Those are not hard times.
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  Those are fourth time. Those are difficulties.
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  Those are those are those. Those have been those times have
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  been introduced into this relationship right now.
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  Forced introduction. Like you didn't choose the hard
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  time. Like yeah, I can't wait to get
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  it. Imagine this right here.
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  I can't wait to get into a relationship with this person so
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  they can beat on me and cheat on me.
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  I can't wait to get into relationship with this person
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  that so they can smear campaign me.
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  What have you heard? Have you ever heard that right
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  there? That sounds crazy as hell.
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  I cannot wait to fall in love with this person is going to
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  pretend to be somebody else for years, leave me on, have a
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  family with them, and then they leave me for somebody else.
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  I can't wait for that to happen. If somebody can show you a a
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  crystal ball like hey, before you get into this relationship,
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  just know that two years from now you're going to find out who
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  they really are. Would you still go with that
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  person? Would you still want to be with
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  that person? You know?
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  Would you still want to be with that person two year?
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  If they show you a crystal ball 2 years from now, you're going
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  to find out who they really are, how they've been lying to you
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  and cheating, how they really are, how they've been treating
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  you behind the scenes. What they really think about you
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  2 years from now, Not right now. Two years from now though.
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  Do you do you think that that would work out?
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  How would that work out for you? Do you think that you would
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  still go into that relationship dynamic?
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  So I know who you fell in love with.
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  I know what you fell in love with, but right now I don't
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  think you love them anymore. That's that's the trauma bond
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  Talking trauma bonds. Look, trauma bonds or or is love
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  adjacent. It looks like love.
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  It can feel like love sometimes but it's abuse.
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  It's cognitive dissonance. It's toxicity.
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  It's lying and cheating. It's highs and lows.
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  It's highs and it's high is pretty decent highs and some the
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  depths of hell lows. That's why I don't think you
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  love them anymore. You say it, but do are you
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  really love? When are you really in love with
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  this person or you trauma bonded to this person because you've
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  been through so much? There's another question you got
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  to ask yourself right there too. Have you?
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  Did you go through it together? Have you been through a lot with
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  this person or did they put you through a lot?
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  Were you put through a lot? Was your love tested on a
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  consistent basis? You know, Were you?
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  Were you tested consistently over and over again?
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  Have you been put through a lot? Because there's a big difference
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  there. Y'all.
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  There's a big difference in being put through something and
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  being like I said, and being surviving through something.
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  Being going through something together goes back to the
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  beginning of the video that's about going through.
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  When y'all get sick, when y'all have you had to miss work for a
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  little bit? When I have to step up, you have
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  to step up financially. You have to step up emotionally,
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  You have to step up physically. That's going through things
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  together, being put through something together, being put
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  through something is being cheated on and lied to them.
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  Having a baby by somebody else in in marriage when you married
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  to them. So do you still love this person
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  being put through something is you trying to deal with it,
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  trying to figure out how to rationalize being abused and or
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  put they put their hands around your throat.
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  So again, I have to ask you the question, what do you love about
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  this person right now? If they were to like say right,
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  I know what I know what you fell in love with.
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  I know the resume when they first applied for the position
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  of your partner. As of your partner, I know what
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  resume they turned in. But now that it have them
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  update, have them update their resume or you update it for them
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  with their new qualifications, with the real qualifications.
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  The original, the original resume had four years of
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  college, two years of Master's degree, and then whatever it
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  takes to get your doctorate. Now you update your resume.
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  It just says, you know, it's just like did not finish high
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  school. They've been lying to you.
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  Now that this is just the educational thing, y'all child.
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  I mean, I don't know. Everybody's situation is
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  different. This is not me trying to pick on
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  people who did finish high school.
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  This is just an analogy or metaphor, y'all.
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  But that's where it goes right there.
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  That's where it goes. They're no longer qualified for
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  the job. When you find out the real them,
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  update their resume and see if you really still love this
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  person or do you love who you think they are?
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  Do you love who they represent? Do you love what they're saying
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  and what they're doing? What do you love about this
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  person right now? Because I personally do not
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  think you love you love this person anymore.
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  Because if you're if you're struggling to answer this
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  question, if you're struggling to answer this question, think
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  about it. There's a there's a reason
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  you're struggling to answer the question.
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  There's a reason it took you a while if you did come over to
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  answer. There's a reason you didn't have
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  something sitting on the tip of your tongue to say when I said
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  they want to ask the question. There's a reason because I don't
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  think you love them anymore. And it's OK.
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  It's OK. It's OK to not love them
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  anymore. They sometimes some people don't
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  deserve your love anymore. They got love under false
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  pretences. You know what I mean?
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  They they it's like they bought your love under false pretences.
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  With a, with a, with a, like with a.
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  They bought your love with somebody else's credit card.
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  Identity theft. You see, they bought your love
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  with somebody else's credit card.
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  They've just been swiping. I'm not talking about actual
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  buying stuff. Some of them might actually buy
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  stuff, but they're swiping the identity of somebody else.
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  They're swiping the things that their ex might have wanted, and
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  they're giving them to you. They're swiping the things they
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  promised to somebody else, and then now they're giving them to
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  you. They're swiping somebody else's
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  car. False pretences is what I just
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  said. It's under false pretences.
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  It's not who they really are. It's not who they what they
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  really want to do. It's not what what they really
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  want to be. This is the space a lot of
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  people fall into right here. So I do not truly do not right
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  now. In my mind, in my heart of
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  hearts, I don't think you love me anymore.
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  Y'all. Like I said again, I said it's
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  OK, it's OK. It hurts.
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  It sucks. Sometimes when I say that out
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  loud and people realize it and they come to that realization,
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  you might you might actually cry.
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  And it's cool to cry, it's cool to cry.
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  It's cool to come to that realization that this person
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  isn't who you thought they were. This is this person.
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  This person isn't who they pretended to be for so long.
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  That's why I don't think you love them anymore.
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  You're trum about it to them. They put you through a whole
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  bunch. You stayed through it, y'all
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  they kept. They manipulated you into
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  staying with them and now you trum about it to them.
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  You stuck because you trumble on to them.
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  Now they feel like you feel like they're driving you crazy.
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  You don't know what's real or what's fake.
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  You have hope that they can change and go back to the old
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  person that they were when you first met them.
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  The old person doesn't exist. Y'all.
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  They're not real. They said their representative
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  to meet you. Parts of it they could have.
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  Parts of it was actually them. But a lot of the stuff that they
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  were doing wasn't intentional. You see, that's why I'm saying,
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  like you, I don't believe you love them anymore.
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  And again, once you come to the terms of that, it's OK And I'm
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  not telling you you can't. You have to absolutely leave
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  this person right now. I'm just saying, if you don't
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  love them, what are you doing? These are questions you have to
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  ask yourself. If you don't love them, what are
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  you doing? What do you love about them
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  right now? Update their resume.
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  I know who you met. I know who.
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  Who who introduced who you were introduced to.
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  Right now, that the mask is off, that the red flags have flown,
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  all the red flags have been released.
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  Who do you? What do you love about them
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  right now? In this moment, it's important
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  that you answer that question. It's absolutely important.
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  It's imperative that you answer that question with some
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  truthful, some truthful honesty. You don't have to write it in
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  the comment section. You can say it to yourself.
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  Write it down. In real life, What do I love
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  about this person? What did I look?
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  You can put, you can put it in two different categories.
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  What did I love about them and what do I love about them now?
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  Because a lot of times people don't have anything to say.
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  You don't have much to say. It takes you a long time to
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  think of what you, what you actually love about this person
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  right now. And if if what you have to say,
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  I love how they treat everybody else.
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  Woof. That's rough.
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  I really love how to treat everybody else.
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  What about you? What about you?
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  I really love how they they they are there for everyone else.
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  What about you? You you see?
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  What about you? There's a situation in the
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  categories that a lot of people fall into.
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  Y'all and like, say I don't think you love them anymore.
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  I think your trauma about it to him and it's timely.
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  Release yourself again. I tell you to leave.
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  It's time to release yourself. To read.
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  To start re loving yourself. Giving yourself everything that
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  you've been giving them. Promise making promises to
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  yourself and keeping these promises to yourself.
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  Setting goals for yourself and keeping these goals for
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  yourself. It's time.
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  It is absolutely time. If you made it this far, put the
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  little heart symbol with the bandage on.
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  I think you can type. If you got an iPhone, you type
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  in the word healing. It puts the heart with the
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  bandage on there. Put it.
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  Drop it in the comment section. I appreciate every single one of
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  Y'all happy healing. Make sure you like and subscribe
• 12:08
  to this channel and mental illness is up Peace.
• 12:11
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness rock star and I appreciate you for
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  being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:20
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:22
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 12:26
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 12:28
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
• 12:30
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 12:31
  video. Peace.