Latest / Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor / AAC - Fear of Commitment - How can I overcome fear of commitment? Q1 (Lisa)
Transcript
- 0:01SPEAKER_00: A fear of commitment is quite common but it doesn't mean that you are broken or incapable of love.
- 0:08SPEAKER_00: It's the fear about what commitment represents a loss of freedom, fear of being hurt, repeating past mistakes, or not trusting your own choices.
- 0:20SPEAKER_00: Try to take the time to work through what's beneath the fear rather than forcing yourself to commit.
- 0:27SPEAKER_00: Start by getting specific about what your fears are.
- 0:31SPEAKER_00: For some people it's anxiety about being trapped, for others it's the fear of abandonment or perfectionism.
- 0:40SPEAKER_00: Identify your patterns.
- 0:43SPEAKER_00: Do you feel yourself pulling away when things get serious?
- 0:47SPEAKER_00: Lose interest once someone likes you back?
- 0:50SPEAKER_00: Overanalyse small flaws?
- 0:54SPEAKER_00: These behaviours are protective strategies that kept you safe previously, but now they're limiting you.
- 1:02SPEAKER_00: Try reframing commitment by seeing it as a series of choices that you're making that can be reassessed over time rather than viewing it as a permanent prison.
- 1:13SPEAKER_00: Seeing it as flexible instead of final can lower the stakes enough to engage with it.
- 1:21SPEAKER_00: Practical exposure like staying present when things start to feel too real instead of pulling away immediately.
- 1:31SPEAKER_00: Communicate honestly even when it feels risky.
- 1:35SPEAKER_00: Let them know you over time instead of keeping distance and try to build trust in yourself because commitment fear can be self-doubt.
- 1:49SPEAKER_00: If the fear feels strong or rooted in the past, experiences like difficult relationships growing up or painful breakups, talking through it with a therapist might help you to untangle the deeper patterns instead of just managing the symptoms.