Latest / The Habit Lab / Friendship Files #2: The Lie of Overwhelm

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Friendship Files #2: The Lie of Overwhelm · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So join me, Jenna Zint, habit coach, teacher, and follower of Jesus as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Habit Lab.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jenna Zint.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is the second episode in the friendship files.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the X-Files, but when we talk about friends, so nothing at all like the X-Files.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, so if you remember your tracking last episode, uh, this comes from like a little chat I was doing with a small group or a talk about things I wish I knew about friendship in my 20s.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um and last week's episode was losing my consumerism approach.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this week's episode is the lie of overwhelm.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the interesting part in our, well, I get that all of you aren't mothers, so that doesn't have to be unique, but I do think motherhood is uniquely like with every kid, with every new season.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you're constantly expanding your capacity.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And whether you're a mom or shifting a new job or you know, growing some most of us in this time, day and age, like Western world, we are growing.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's like this growth mentality, whether you're growing a business or a brand or going after promotion or growing your family or growing, helping out with a ministry or volunteer, you know, like some level of growth.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And in the growth, we can often get overwhelmed.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the the which in and of itself, there's kind of a nature of the learning curve.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like as you grow, it is harder at first when you're on a learning curve when you're tackling something new, and then it gets easier.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: But what I see, what we miss is how often we get stuck in overwhelm.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then that what you're like, why does this, how does what does this have to do with friendship?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Where what it has to do with friendship is overwhelm when we feel chronically overwhelmed, um, obviously stressed, anything in that nature, when we feel overwhelmed, we tend to isolate.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it actually almost like slowly breaks us off from community or connection because what we believe we're in when we're in this like mindset of overwhelmed is I don't have anything to give, or like um, I don't have it's almost like friendship is a what's the word?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like secondary, like it's a bonus versus an essential.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're in overwhelm, you come into like almost like survival mode, I would say.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And in survival, anything that's not essential gets cut.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I watch time and time again that when people get overwhelmed or in their survival mode, friendships or connection gets cut.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then what I what's sad to me then is they get more and and it's not like anyone in particular.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: I did, I did this too with different seasons of growing my business or starting a ministry or a podcast or every new kid, every new pregnancy.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: When you're on the learning curve, we have to start learning how to be able to grow and get stretched and feel the tension of being on the learning curve.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: That is actually real, that's not indicative that you're doing something wrong, but not letting it impact and steal from our connection.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like not, I think the lie of overwhelm is that you don't have time to invest in friendships or connection.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm going after.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's the goal is not to not feel stretched or keep growing.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is while you're doing that, because that's part of the beautiful part of how we're wired, because we can continue to mature and our lives evolve.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's while we're growing, we don't let connection and friendship be an accessory that we keep it essential.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because over the lie of overwhelm is to tell you you don't have a capacity for connection in this season because of whatever you're building or whatever's growing.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But then actually what it does is it isolates you.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: It almost reminds me of like slowly gets us away from connection and a season when you actually probably could use support the most, you're the most isolated.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And but I say you, I mean ubiquitous you.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: It just feels like a cycle.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Watch it in my own life, watch it with Aaron, watch it with clients and friends.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: That when overwhelm happens, usually people get more and more isolated.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes in the mindset, it's not a conscious choice most of the time.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is that I don't have time, I don't have time, and it's like sparse, and less often as you're continuing to feel overwhelm or growing, that connection is, you know, an optional part of life.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then until you're so isolated, so whether it's a pattern of six months or years, it's this when you think you're almost like conserving energy you don't have, you're actually stealing food you need.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's the lie of overwhelm.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: How the seasons of overwhelm slowly get you isolated.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So um I think sometimes in the isolation, it's never like a real choice.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's more of like I don't have the luxury to invest in friendships in this season because I'm working so hard over here.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's almost like isolation is a byproduct that masquerades and you don't have time.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, what I would actually think the real culprit behind this lie of overwhelm is a scarcity mindset.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that would be like a lack mindset.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a lot of times in the overwhelm, it almost, you know, as you simplify and cut things out of your life, it almost promises like safety or this is the path that you get through it, but actually it makes what you're going through harder.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It actually, in that like lack poverty mindset of I don't have time to because I'm so overwhelmed, invest in friendships.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it almost it think it's like it promises you safety, but it actually quietly steals abundance.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes a promise you'll get back more margin, or this won't feel as overwhelming if you cut this out, but actually it steals what you need.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that like the devil?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I always I always feel like reminds me of like whenever I catch some belief I have that I was like, I went after it, not because I was like, you know, trying to sin, but I thought it could get me something that it can't.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, that's like the devil.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's like the snake in the garden that's like, don't you want to be like God, or you don't have time for the, you know, whatever this little twisting, what it actually does, it just distorts it slightly so that we're confused or off.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: So that would be my goal for this podcast episode is to start to notice how in growth overwhelm seasons when we feel like we're in survival, don't let the lie of overwhelm isolate you because that's lack mindset saying you don't have the time, but actually it's stealing and it's actually the essential thing that you need to help buoy you through the season.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like you don't have time to cut out connection and friendship when you're in a gross season or an overwhelming season because it's when you need support the most.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it almost reminds me too of like, I think the difference is it doesn't have to look the same in every season.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's probably where people get into all or nothing mentality.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like there are, like I said, very valid season shifts where some seasons are more overwhelming or you have more on your plate than others.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: The first question I'd ask myself is is this chronic?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: If it is chronic, then you actually need to do some internal looking with the Holy Spirit, not navel gazing, but at one point I remember the Lord being like, You're, you know how this you've been in overwhelm for the last five years.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: That is not a season thing.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's a you have habits of continuing to put yourself in overwhelming situations.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: You need to actually look at that because that's affecting, that is gonna keep popping up.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is not a seasonal thing, that's a Jenna thing.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, that's true.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that for sure in those seasons, I had less friends.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was more isolated.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: The season I could have used friendship the most.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so easy to point the finger and be like, where did my friends go when I needed them the most?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I think a more accurate question is, oh, did I stop feeding and doing the things that like made those friendships flurry because lack was telling me I didn't have time to do it?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish they'd show up for me, but I actually stopped investing as well.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's so easy to point the finger, but looking more like, oh, but not out of shame or contempt, just being like, oh wow, no wonder people aren't here.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: The habits that were making my friendships thrive in a past season I have left or neglected, that's where the shift is.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that sometimes like I feel like the mindset, the perspective we can get is my friends abandoned me in my time of need.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I would bet nine times out of ten, you have stopped some level of investment, friendship habits that helped that relationship thrive while you're in your season of need.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: So less about pointing the finger and more of like, oh, did you notice the shift?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why there's less fruit is because so it's not this performance.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, sometimes I think it's easier for people to be like, so I have to be the same in my friendship and give everything in every season so that my friends stick around.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, that would be a twisted version of what I'm saying.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I would say, I don't think I've fully articulated it, but you could what you have to give could look different in different seasons.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you had a capacity to host a play day at your house every Friday before you had a baby.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then you had baby number two.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: The live overwhelm that would maybe lead to isolation is I can't do anything now.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying also I'm not advocating for a one size fits all, what your recovery time should be, what your capacity should be.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely not saying that.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: You get to manage you.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: But this idea that I have nothing because it can't look like what it used to is I think where most of us accidentally starve connection when we're in gross seasons.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So my idea would be like, okay, what could I do?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not getting so black or white.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe I can't host anymore.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's very reasonable.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And this season with a new baby hosting a playdate at your house would feel like more than you have to give.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: I agree.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: What could I do though?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, could I meet once a month at a park for an hour?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I bet I could do that.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's significantly less impact on me and my world.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it would match the fact that I have a lower capacity, but it's not nothing.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I again, the lie of overwhelm is you have nothing to give.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's where isolation happens.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think again, noticing I have nothing left to give.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes a motherhood says this, like to anyone else.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, ministry, how much we're giving in ministry could say that to someone else.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It could make us think those thoughts work full plates.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: All of us can get tricked into believing I have nothing left to give.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say maybe it looks different in different seasons.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, maybe it is a fuller season, but then I bet there's something creative that could match your capacity while not isolating.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, please, in those seasons, that is when you need the regular nourishment the most.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do not, maybe it doesn't look the same, but don't not don't quit feeding those things.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like those are gonna be what gets you through.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think even the I have nothing to give often actually reveals like a fear of lack.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I give this, it's almost like I'll be bankrupt.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that would be like, okay, maybe that is too much to give.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: But the idea that I have nothing to give, that absolute, that is the lie that leads to isolation that I'm trying to go after.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's not the same, no problem.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: But don't go to the other extreme where you think you have nothing left to give, you know?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, oh, lax says hoard, last hoard everything for you because the season shift and it doesn't look the same.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, totally, totally.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, can we sit with that fear and be like, hey, I see that we do need to make edits, but I'm not going to swing to the other extreme and say there's nothing to give.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually scarcity.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I'm gonna say, What could I give?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I notice how if I have nothing to give, it's like self-protection trying to, you know, trying to keep me safe, or scarcity mindset, or but the the reality is that like I said, rarely do you actually have nothing.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Usually, more often, what is true is like I need to make an edit.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: So when nothing, nothing comes, I'm like, oh, that's usually like an absolute for me is a sign that I'm not using my prefrontal cortex in my brain.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of my what do they call it?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: People call it your caveman brain, your amygdala is flaring, your lizard brain, whatever you're saying.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever I have an absolute, so like I have nothing, I'm like, oh, okay, I actually am triggered right now.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: What when I use an absolute like nothing, that's usually indicative to me that there's fear.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And usually the fear is trying is like a strategy to keep me safe or protected, but realizing fear never makes the best calls.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like fear, wisdom makes good calls.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Fear says I have nothing to give.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom may say I need to adjust, but I always I think of like the parable of the widow with the two coins.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I could always have two coins.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, like fear, you don't get to tell me I have nothing.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: What is true in wisdom for what I do have to give?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the interesting thing is when we get into um seasons of overwhelm, even with friendships, it actually makes you subtly more self-focused.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And what starts as honestly, like a true shift of needing to shift things, I've noticed how if I stay there and I'm not connected with other people, my stressors and my problems and what I'm growing or face or feel overwhelmed with.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: So whether it's a new business or a new baby or whatever, I it's almost like it gets larger and blown out of proportion with how big it is, the more isolated I am.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the reasons I think that friendship, investing in friendships and seasons that are overwhelmed is actually essential because it keeps you a little more grounded with how big your problems are versus getting scaled out of proportion when you're not in touch with other people's lives.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm not saying is like ignoring your pain or spiritually bypassing, but there's something about community that rightfully puts in perspective what you're walking through compared to like, oh, this is a humanity thing.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a Zen thing, in a way that I actually find hope.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's kind of part of the live overwhelm strategy where it's that self-protect scarcity mindset, is that it isolates you and then it actually it almost reminds me of like, you know, the wolf um tries to get the one sheep away from the herd because they know they're more susceptible and easier to pick off.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's what overwhelm does.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: It isolates us from the herd and it because it's then easier to pick us off and kind of when we're isolated, we don't have the protection of the group that we actually could benefit the most when we need it, you know?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: When life gets busy, we often we can shrink our own world to what feels manageable.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And often that's just me and my family.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it doesn't sound bad, you know, like if it was so, I don't know, if it was just me, forget my family, like I can only take care of me, we'd probably be like, yeah, that's that's not quite right.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: But the just me and my family, there's a bit of holiness in that mindset that we don't notice the scarcity as plainly because it's like we're still investing in someone else, just not outside of our family.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I totally agree.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: While it is absolutely holy to pour yourself out in your home, it's also dangerous to make it the only place where love is flowing out of you to other people.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: By dangerous, I mean it's just not biblical to have it be the only place.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm not saying is your kids get the short end of the stick stick, or that your kids are secondary callings, like being a mother.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is, I I love that we have gone after that in the church, in the modern mind motherhood mindset that is out there now.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I think where the difference is is when we get too small and it's the lie of overwhelm is it's just me and my family.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's when we we're we're no longer obedient to the loving the neighbor as yourself.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: I think for a while I noticed I I'll never forget the Holy Spirit was like, I was like, oh, you're not really like, where are you flowing love?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like a season of overwhelm, probably after, I think it's probably after Wesley's when I felt the most overwhelmed.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what do you mean?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am giving love every day to everybody else except me.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And while that was true, Holy Spirit was like, totally, but outside of your house, where are you?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, no, like this is all I have.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: All I have is for my house.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like these people might not get fed if they don't get a hundred percent of me.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just this awareness of like, oh, actually, in that's still scarcity.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: What it doesn't mean I'm gonna go bankrupt my family, you know, like metaphorically, I'm not gonna give if I have a hundred dollars worth of time, I'm not gonna go say, like, oops, it's just me and my family.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize that overwhelm had got my world really small and said it was holy, but actually I've lost the love your neighbor part.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm gonna go find my neighbor and now I go give 90 bucks to my neighbor and keep 10 for my family.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Again, that's too black or white or all or nothing mentality.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's just this small edit of, oh, I didn't realize that in the line, like in partnering with Overwhelm and that scarcity mindset, the only people that were getting my flow of love is me and my family.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, where am I still investing in friendship, even in this tension of a growth season?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Jesus did not limit the love your neighbor to proximity or convenience.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: But the beautiful part, the part that feels hopeful to me when I'm like, but how?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we truly think we don't have anything else to give, like it will bankrupt us.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: That will be our demise.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: If I give that, I won't be eating.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I'm giving away all the food I have for myself.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: I remember like you have to that I remember the Lord being like, You there's something about my kingdom that you're not getting.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're placing, you're imagining that when you give a little bit, like the two widows' coins, that you're you have the economy or principles of the world versus the kingdom, because it runs on a different economy.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: In my economy, the servant gets promoted, the sewer gets filled, and the givers get replenished.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And again, not just to your family.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, okay, there's gotta be room for friendship and me showing up in friendship and investing in my relationships, even when I'm in a season overwhelm.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Not just because I should, but because there's a blessing and a benefit for me.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's been the big light bulb for me in my own personal walk is any of these, oh, I'm not quite doing that spiritual discipline, no longer being motivated by like, um, bummer, I'm missing it, but more like anything the Lord had set out for me to do, it's because I get blessed while I'm doing it.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not just about me serving him.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know that I will get be better off.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of his rules come with a benefit or a help to me.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: So in this idea of sewing when you don't feel like you have much, it's not so that I don't have anything afterwards.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: I will be better off.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, and some of it I had to do it with belief.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, Lord, I don't think that feels true.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: This feels counterintuitive to give these two coins when I'm in a season overwhelm.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: But what I watch, like that one scripture, uh, I wrote it down, Proverbs 11, 25, is it says that those who refresh others will then themselves be refreshed.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I have heard this just in the terms of just me and my family, but again, stretching your borders in seasons overwhelm to actually include family and friendship or friendship as well.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Being like, okay, Lord, even if it's only two coins, maybe it doesn't look like refresh like I've had in past seasons.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: No problem, no judgment.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not gonna let overwhelm slowly isolate me to a season of being independent and by myself and an orphan when I actually need to be in a family the most.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, sometimes the habit of overwhelm is actually just a rhythm that's gone stale.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by this is I realize I remember one point the Lord called me out after Wesley was a certain amount, and he was like, You still have habits of overwhelm and survival, but you're not in survival anymore.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you've never actually weeded out the um outgrown habits.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I meant by stale.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: So some of you maybe your season has shifted, you're not actually in the height of overwhelm and you actually have a little more to give.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: But because you perpetually are thinking, for me, it was a thought pattern of like, I'm overwhelmed, I don't have anything to give.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I wasn't making plans, I wasn't having people over, I wasn't meeting people places, I don't know, wasn't saying yes to Bible studies or whatever it could look like that would be investments into connection and friendship because I had this stale mindset of I have nothing else.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I actually have a little more in this season.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And again, don't overshoot it if you realize, like, oh, I actually have a bit more than I realize because there was a shift about a month or two ago, but I have my old habits of overwhelm where I was living on the bare bones, you know.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, don't overshoot it to go back to dramatic.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, what else?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's 10% more?
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm 10% less overwhelmed and have 10% more capacity.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like to shift some of my rhythms to reflect that 10% increase in margin?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Seasons shift, but unless we're intentional, our habits don't match automatically.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: We have to actually purposefully go back and notice what's stale.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's easy to stay in overwhelm or survival mode long after God has moved us into a new season of a fresh season.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we keep saying I can't, and that's where it becomes what really is true is I haven't noticed what's been restored or what's new, or I have a different margin or have more margin.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the interesting part, even too, is when you feel like you need rest in a season because you're overwhelmed and I don't have the capacity or energy to be with people.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's not all or nothing.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're not saying go out and have a two-hour coffee with someone.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: It could be a text, it could be a voice memo, it could be you have permission to edit when you are in seasons with uh growth that you have less margin.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: 100%, please edit.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: But don't let overwhelm lie to you and get you isolated that says you have nothing to give and that you need to be like you therefore like isolated when you need it the most.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes the difference is too, we think people will just, you know, we need rest from people, but actually biblically, there's such a emphasis on being renewed, having some rhythms of rest with people.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, there are times to be alone, but I think we can overshoot it and go too alone and then be isolated.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that is my hope that you can think of small acts of keeping love flowing even outside of your family, whether it's a voice memo or a quick phone call to listen when they're in distress, or for you to, you know, ask them to listen for you.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it doesn't have to be like it looked like when you had seasons with more margin, but please do not let the lack mindset that comes with overwhelm or survival say you have nothing to give and then slowly isolate you in a season that you actually could use community and support the most.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is episode two of the friendship files, the lie of overwhelm and how they affect our friendships in those seasons.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I hope this was helpful.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, episode file friendship file threes will be out next week.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Just kidding, I forgot to leave you with one more note that I often that I forgot.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um these are a few reflection questions to ask yourself that I was like, I notice, or just ponder with the Holy Spirit.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, the goal is not to be heap shame or condemnation.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just to partner with the Holy Spirit to be like, are there some adjustments I could use?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are there some small edits like 10, 15% not dramatic overhauls?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is not meant to be like I'm failing at friendship.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's just I I kind of uh think of them, these kind of questions when I'm pondering with the Holy Spirit.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like it's like ingredients I put in the crock pot, and we're like, in two weeks or three weeks this will be flavored like this.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: But we're just gonna think and marinade, see where we go.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um so low stakes question, but first question to ask yourself where have you believed the lie that I have nothing to give?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Second one, what's a small or realistic act of giving, time, encouragement, prayer that would feel possible for me to invest in a friendship this week?
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Three, have my any of my habits stayed in survival mode even though my season has shifted?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, who outside my home might God be inviting me to sew into friendship, connection-wise, even in small, small ways.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, how might I trust that God Himself will refill whatever I give?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or where do I need to start digging into the mindset or belief?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: What's hindering me believing that I will be refreshed as I pour out?
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, thank you for the add-on.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great week.