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Donald Drumpf Theatre 312: I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie Is The Closing Message · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Previously on the Donald Trump Theater radio show.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: President Trump explained his reasoning,
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: saying he does not want to do anything to drive Russia away from
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: the bargaining table.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're not helping Russia.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're helping Ukraine in their logic.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: That makes me feel a lot better.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the only thing that could obviously shake my confidence is if at
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: the same time you announce this very strange deal where we give billions of dollars
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: to Russia,
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: there were other, let's call them coincidental blows to the Ukraine war effort.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Ukraine saying access to Elon Musk's Starlink system has suddenly been restricted,
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: limiting Ukraine's ability to fend off Russian attacks.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: The Starlink was blocked, of course, by the SpaceX and, of course, by the United States.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: I sent them, of course, connect and ask what's going on, maybe technical problems.
• 0:50
  [music]
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: We are controlling transmission, if we wish to make
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: it louder.
• 1:05
  [music]
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_02: We will bring up the body.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: We can change the focus to a soft blur.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: You've just crossed over into... How am I turning to
• 1:35
  [music]
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: go now that I've gone too far?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: For your consideration,
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: a nation held hostage by the fragile ego of a man-baby president you were trapped
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: with in the twilight zone.
• 1:57
  [music]
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: disgrace, so be high.
• 2:26
  [music]
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm studying
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: his body.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: I've never studied the body of a man before.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I looked
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: at his ass.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then I looked at his legs.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, his ass
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: is like...
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a pile of muscle.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, higher!
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Higher!
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right in Donald Trump's face.
• 3:14
  Are we not the Superman?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: Haring pure Superman?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he is the Superman.
• 3:19
  Super-duper Superman.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: Is this Nazi land so good?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: Would you leave it if you could?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this Nazi land is good.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: We would leave it if we could.
• 3:27
  We bring the world new order.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump's world new order.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: If we want a
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: foreign race, we love Donald Trump's face.
• 3:38
  [music]
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: Then I looked at his legs, and I said, man, his feet are big.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Then I looked at his shoulders, and I tapped him on the shoulder, and it actually hurt my hand.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: He's like a piece of steel.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: And he said, this guy's a monster.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Be higher, higher, riding.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: Space not to love.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Donald Trump.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: He's the greatest race of it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: the president has zoomed through the first five stages of grief.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone straight to number six.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: F*** that guy.
• 4:22
  [music]
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: beautiful ass before, Nicki Minaj.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's hard to miss.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's stand-up.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's hard to miss.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Be higher, higher, right in
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: Donald Jones's face, not too long.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: Donald Jones is a great disgrace, so be
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: higher, higher,
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: right in Donald Jones's face.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: Breaking news.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Melinda Miller filling in for Clifford Baines,
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: who's attending a nude-based jumping retreat.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: This week,
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: United States Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced an ambitious plan to,
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: quote, kill everyone by 2028.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: But is this a realistic goal?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: This is just another empty promise trying to drum up Republican support before the midterms.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: Voters can see right through this.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: Vote for me and everyone everywhere will die.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds great.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: But look around.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Take a look.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: Still a lot of people alive.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: I disagree.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't bet.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: That against Hagseth on this one.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: I think he can actually do it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: He has full administrative support and he's already killed a lot of people.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: All he needs to do is keep ramping it up.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: Two years is a long time.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Two weeks is a long time.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: We're just not there yet.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: We're not hitting the benchmarks.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: We're talking about everybody.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_03: Well, he might not get everyone, but he'll Get pretty damn close.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: I just think Hexeth would be better served,
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: promising something more achievable,
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: like, we're gonna kill all the women, all the bald men with glasses.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: Sounds great.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: But how?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: How are they gonna do that?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_03: That's the whole point.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, voters are fed these big, catchy slogans.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: Meanwhile, there's no concrete plan.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, how are they gonna do the killings?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: Poison.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: Bombs.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: What is it?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: World War I?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm actually glad we don't know the plan,
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: because if we knew the plan, it would make it harder to kill us.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: Smart.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: Sneak attack.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, now recent polls show that a strong majority
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: of Republicans wish everyone else was dead except for themselves.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: But there is a growing percentage of voters who say they wish everyone was dead,
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: including themselves.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Is Hegseth tapping into a popular idea here?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, everybody wants someone to die, whether it's someone else or themselves.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: But the question is, is it possible?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: And if it was, wouldn't it have already happened by now?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, Trump ran on killing everyone in 2016.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: And then in 2024, he comes out and says this is also his main priority on day one.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: Day one.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: Day one.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: Do you remember that?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: It never happened.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm alive.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_03: You're alive.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone's alive.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: I agree with Theresa.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm alive.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I know a lot of other people who are also alive.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_03: And that is because there have been too many distractions.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: Republicans need to stop focusing on the culture war and start focusing
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: on actually killing everyone, themselves included.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I think they can actually get it done.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: No, COVID was their best chance and they couldn't even get it done then.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, it is a pipe dream.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_03: And when Democrats say kill some of them, sometimes you just, you eat it up.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: That is nothing I'd like to see more than the government killing you, you, you, you.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: And of course myself.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: But every day I look across that desk and I see that Duncan
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: is still alive.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_03: Another Trump failure.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's another day that the Trump administration has filled up.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's frustrating.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: A string of failures.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know,
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: if they had appointed somebody with a bit more experience,
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: we might not even be having this conversation, right?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, this desk might be empty.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_03: We might all already be dead.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: That is an interesting point.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Before he was defense secretary,
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Hegsteth killed a lot of people by accident, but only a small handful.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: 80 bitty doesn't count.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: 80 bitty doesn't count.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't agree with that.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: If he were to, say, kill half the world's population by 2028, would that satisfy our blood loss?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Half doesn't count.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Trump said everyone.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: He said everyone.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: He said everyone.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe start with Duncan and his family as sort of a pilot program, for example.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that won't work.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_03: My family's all dead.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Voters are smart.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: They'll see through that.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, we are moving the goalposts.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: And besides, even if they did succeed, how would we even know we'll all be dead?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: True.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: But first,
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: the midterm elections that will determine if Americans care in any way About
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: the reckless shitshow of an administration that we've all been subjected
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: to lo these past almost two years.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_03: Midterm elections will decide whether Republicans retain control of Congress or
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: whether it was stolen by a caravan of woke dog eating transgender immigrants.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: You must get out and vote.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_03: Every vote counts, assuming the Trump administration allows the states to count the votes.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: We learned that the Department of Justice is going to send a thousand staffers
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: to observe poll workers as they count the votes.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: And to counter that,
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Democratic advocacy groups are planning to send thousands of their own volunteers
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: to watch the watchers watch the people counting the votes.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: But usually this is when candidates try to cement their closing messages.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: Something simple and hopeful that leaves voters with a sense of optimism
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: and motivates them to get to the polls.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: In Ohio, they're running an ad exploiting the childhood trauma of a gubernatorial candidate.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_03: In Michigan, they're calling the Democratic Senate candidate a jihadist.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: They're using an anti-trans slur against the Democratic Senate candidate in South Carolina.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: And in Texas, they're making gross homophobic jokes like this.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: Now, before we get started, I love you too, sir.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: In a totally platonic way.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: To be clear, I'm the vice president, not James Tallarico.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_03: Hold on, I gotta tell all my friends at the fifth grade lunch table about that one.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: They're gonna make it so funny.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, Derek, Kevin, you gotta hear this joke from J.D.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: Vance.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: What do you mean that's not cool?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: What do you mean you're allies and you believe in kindness?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, man, fifth grade's really changed.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: This is how desperate and gross they are.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: They're stooping to gutter bigotry and homophobia.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: Drumpf has even been trashing a bunch of countries for no apparent reason.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, oh, sorry, I know the reason.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: Racism.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: I said, why do we always have to take people from house countries?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: Libya, Yemen, Haiti, Somalia.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Remember what I called them?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: House countries.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: We do remember that.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: It was in 2018, and you actually called them whole countries, not house countries.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: Ironically, house would be a great secret code name for your new ballroom.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_03: Here's an update on Operation house.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's going to come in late and over budget,
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: and I was just told that if a bird lands on it,
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: the whole thing is coming down like a house of cards.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_03: Also, I have to point out, eight years ago, Trump denied making the whole country's comment.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: He's now gleefully bragging about,
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: which is yet more proof that if you take his word on anything,
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: you'll always end up humiliated.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: He's like a guy who pleads not guilty to drunk driving,
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: gets off scot-free,
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: and then says to the judge,
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: do you know where I can get a beer helmet that won't fall off when I'm driving?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: One of the things Democrats are likely to do if they regain control of the House and
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: or Senate is investigate the Department of Justice handling of
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: the Drumpf Epstein file.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: So if they had the majority in Congress,
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_03: Democrats would be able to issue subpoenas with or without the help of Republicans.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: So at the very least, we'll get to see Drumpf try to spell the word subpoena, which will be fun.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there's a B in that.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody knows.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: What are you expecting the president to say?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And what are some of the issues that you are looking to this election cycle?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm hoping to see some relief about the war,
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: some inflation come down,
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: interest rates come down,
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: just some sustainability when I'm shopping,
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: getting gas in my truck, things like that.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's just absurd pricing right now.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm just hoping to see some relief in the economy.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on, I think in the script it said trans.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: I think it said trans.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what that guy was.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Cut away!
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: We got ourselves a reader!
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Voters are, for some reason, fixated on the economy, cost of living, the war in Iran.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And Donald Drumpf is actually back out there on the campaign trail
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: to make his closing arguments.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I imagine the president will be laser-focused on the issues that matter most.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: I looked at his ass, and I've never done that with a man before.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: A man's ass, his ass, the ass, his ass was like a big piece of muscle.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: By the way, I looked at one hell of a beautiful ass before, Nicki Minaj.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's hard to miss.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's stand up, Nicki.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's hard to miss.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_03: I like big butts and I cannot lie.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: How the is this real?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Stand up, Nicki, twirl around.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Give us a look at that.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about inflation.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: My God.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Boom.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Aye.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Get up here.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let me toss that salad.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: I like big butts and I cannot lie.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm here to keep a jihadist Muslim Brotherhood member from becoming a United States Senator.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, shit.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, he's playing Scary Muslim from 2016.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, shit.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Scary Muslim.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:09
  Woo.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Woo.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love the hits.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Do Sharia law.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: Abdul Mohammed Al-Sayed wants our country to go to Sharia law.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Melinda Miller,
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: filling in for Clifford Baines,
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: who's absolutely crushing a video game he really can't pause.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: With grocery prices on the rise,
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: more Americans are being forced to cut back on essential food items.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: But is it enough?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_03: Should food cost more?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: No question.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: Food can cost more, so it should cost more.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: That's simple economics.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I actually completely agree with you, Duncan.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know,
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: if food costs more,
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: people work harder to earn money because they need more money to buy the food.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: And food keeps you alive.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's like medicine.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it should cost more than medicine.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: So far, the Republican closing argument is nice asses and Islamophobia.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys in any way going to address Chad's gas prices for
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: his truck?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: The United States oil and gas business is making hundreds of billions of dollars.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: Why would you say that at a...
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Why the f*** would your closing message for the midterms be,
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're hurting, but these guys are killing it.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: We're making hundreds and hundreds of billions, trillions of dollars.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: But my people said, please don't mention that, sir, because people are paying a little higher.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: I could just see the fake headlines.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: President Trump's talking about all the money they're making
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: while people are suffering at the pump.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: That'll be the headline.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is what you say.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: That would be accurately summarizing your quote.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: The closing argument for the Republicans appears to be, I like big bucks and I cannot lie.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And why can't you just be happy for big oil?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: So you clearly don't seem to be able to run on a positive record.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: What else you got?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Drumpf.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Keeps making promises that only come true if
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: the Republicans win the midterms.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: If you elect a Republican House and a Republican Senate on November 3rd,
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: you'll get $5,000 and if you lose, you get nothing.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: If the Republicans win the Department of War, we'll be investing $100 million.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: But you have to win, Andy.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: Otherwise, forget it.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: We're also fighting for our great veterans and taking care of those veterans
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: who brought claims related to water contamination at Camp Lejeune.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: If we win the House and the Senate,
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: I am directing the Department of Justice to settle all remaining legitimate claims
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: as soon as possible.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Even Donald Trump wouldn't have the balls to do a quid pro quo.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: On sick veterans saying, if we don't win, there's no money, right?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if we don't win, there's no money.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: Do you think Trump's promises are legitimate?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, he's the president.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: He would not lie.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: They're legitimate promises.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_03: He's not going to do any of that stuff.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: Do you think we'll finally get that health care bill?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, there is evil.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then there is evil that can only be described as cartoonish.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: A kind of tie a helpless made into a railroad track Looney Tunes villainy.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: See there's a reason why Donald Trump
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: and anyone representing his Republican Congress are distracting you with asses
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: and evil commercials and bullshit.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because Republicans running for Congress can't defend Trump's reckless record
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: or their refusal to do anything to check his worst impulses.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know when Trump ran in 2024?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember what his message was?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Kamala's for they, them.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: President Trump is for you.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, right.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: He was for you.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: But Trump never really told you who you was, did he?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because my guess is,
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: given the state of our economy,
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: you might have foolishly thought that you meant you, the people.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: But after two years in office, it's clear who you turned out to be.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: You was actually them.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Billionaires like Elon Musk, they've done great.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: He was recently promoted to trillionaire.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And others have done well.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, are any of these people you?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Cause they're killing it.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, sorry, Kim, not you anymore.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Mean coins,
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Pentagon contracts,
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: documentaries,
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Middle East oil money, and by the way, Trump's family aren't the only yous.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: The Trump administration has treated inanimate objects more lavishly than
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: the you he swore to represent.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out the you isn't it.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, obviously, there were plenty of views that he was never gonna be for.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you were a Muslim named Mohammed.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm sorry, unless this is you.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he has lots of nuclear deals and weapons.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: The GOB has made it clear with their desperate closing message that
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: the party is politically and intellectually barren.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: They have nothing left but bigotry and fear-mongering.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: They're not talking about how to fix the economy, the war, corruption, or high gas prices.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: So this midterms, when you go to the polls, And I beg of you, go to the polls.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, all the yous Donald Trump turned out to be for.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if it turns out that you are not one of them,
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: well, he probably has a very different closing message for you.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: I like big butts and I cannot lie.
• 20:19
  [music]
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for the songs for this week's episode from Golden Earring,
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: Spike Jones, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Tom Petty, and Led Zeppelin.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: And thanks for the clips and excerpts from John Oliver,
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: The Onion News Network, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, J.D.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: Vance, and David Pakman,
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: Roy Wood Jr.,
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Amber Ruffin, and Michael Ian Black from Have I Got News For You, and others.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: Tune in next week for episode number 313 of the Donald Drumpf Theater radio show
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: if we're still allowed on the air.
• 21:00
  [music]
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, Donald Jessica's not the only Republican hearing things go bump in the polls.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: All over D.C.,
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: desperate old goblins are practically raising the dead to keep their asses
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: in office.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Gather round, folks, and let me swing ya a little ghost story.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: There are ghostly
• 25:19
  [music]
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: hell, but he's alive and well, it's mid-track.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hold the hearse, folks, he's filibustering the Grim Reaper.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: That rotting tort is getting thin,
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: that rigor mortis setting in, still
• 27:20
  [music]
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: truer, no one is bluer than you.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: Trick or treat, Pete.