Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Grace in the Chaos | a conversation with Kara-Kae James

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Grace in the Chaos | a conversation with Kara-Kae James · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: It means so much to have you choose to take this conversation along with you today.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before I introduce this week's guest, I wanted to remind all you moms out there that summer is here.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: But before you panic about the no-schedule long days sibling fighting boredom, constant eating, and the messy house, I'm here to help you have the summer you have always wanted with your kids.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I am not exaggerating when I say a Simply Summer is completely possible for you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: First, you can download my 50 Free Borne Buster ideas, which are perfect for those with kids 12 and under.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And they're all screen free.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: We need more of those, right?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well then you can get my Simply Summer Quick Start, which gives you a colorful printable to put into action immediately.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's what I use for our first two weeks of summer.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, the Simply Summer Course has gotten a makeover.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have even more colorful resources which will take you step by step to create the schedule you desire, foster sibling unity, eliminate boredom, and keep a cleaner home, all while giving you more time to get things done.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: It is possible.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can have your best summer this year.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, I put all the details in the show notes.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm sharing my conversation with Kara Kay James.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: She's passionate about seeing women's lives change and impacted through the gospel.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: She is the founder and executive director of Thrive Moms, a ministry dedicated to seeing moms step out of the survival mode and into the thriving, abundant life that God calls them to.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: In Kara Kay's new book, Mom Up, she shares four themes that impacts how she follows Jesus and parents her kids.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Intentional motherhood, genuine community, refreshing rest, and embracing the chaos.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be chatting about all of that today with a good dose of Anneagram sprinkled in.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: We've all been there.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, we have.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: So what's your go-to vibes?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Usually chocolate.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I have like my top shelf of my freezer.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Is um, it's usually like I always pick the good stuff out of their Halloween buckets or their Easter, you know, like Easter Easter baskets.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so that, and I pick all the good stuff out before they like get into it and I freeze that.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Or at the Christmas time.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Literally last night I found some Reese's Christmas trees that were in the freezer.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: That is awesome.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And mom's stash up at the top of the freezer.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's my stash because they can't reach it or see it, and they don't even really know it's there.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I like put like I usually put frozen vegetables or something on top of it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, very smart.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: So they're like, they just don't even go there.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Totally deflected.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I wouldn't even think.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So for you, what's kind of the story?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you wrote this book, um, Mom Up, came out the beginning of January.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: For you, what was your aha moment with motherhood that really created the shift in your heart and your mind?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I guess the right word is what birthed the message of your book?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And really your ministry, because you have a ministry called It's called Bride Moms.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I had three kids under three.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: We had within three years.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Three and three and a half years.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I get you.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it was so hard.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so after my third was born, I went through a really tough season of postpartum anxiety and depression.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it just about broke me.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I was questioning, am I made out for this?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And what am I doing?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is somebody else could definitely be a better mom to these kids.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, I was just devastated that I had these three beautiful, perfect babies in front of me, and I hated what I was doing.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had wanted to be a mom for so long, and then I was miserable.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I thought, gosh, there's got to be more to this.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's got to be more to life and to motherhood than just getting by each and every day.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that was exactly what I was doing.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And unfortunately, that's what people were telling me that I needed to do.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: They were telling me that I just had to survive every day.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: They were telling me, this is what motherhood is.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: You just get by, you get by each day, you get by each year until they're old enough, and then you can kind of get back to your life.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, oh gosh, well, this is not going to be fun.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is not what I anticipated it to be.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was in that season that I really started questioning, okay, there's got to be more, and I want more out of this.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I met a a friend in that season who was also really struggling, and we both started asking some questions of, you know, we don't feel like God's word tells us you're supposed to survive motherhood.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Just get through it, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Get through it.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And and we, you know, as we were reading the scriptures, we felt like God was saying, my word is for you too, as moms.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And and so that was where Thrive Moms was birthed, and that was where, you know, this passion for being more than just, you know, a surviving mom came from.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and that doesn't mean that I'm a fabulous mom and that every day is easy.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like literally this morning, I was like dragging my seven-year-old out the door to school.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I was in tears and she was in tears, and that is still life because we have such hard days, and I really battle with my kids on different things, and that doesn't mean that you know, life is easy for me because I am doing this.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: It just means that I wake up every day and say, okay, I'm gonna choose to walk in abundant life because I feel like that's what God offers for me too as a mom.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think that abundant life is for my pastor and my husband and you know, other people.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's for me too, right here in the trenches of motherhood.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so that was where all of this came from.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt like, you know, I couldn't be the only one struggling.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: And and as I started talking to other moms, it was like, oh man, I'm not the only one struggling.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody is.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanted to um, I and I felt like, you know, I wasn't really in a place that I could really teach moms, like, here's how to, you know, get through each day as a mom.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so this isn't a book or a ministry that teaches you how to be a better mom.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is just a journey of I'm in the trenches with you, and I'm gonna come alongside you and say, let's take God's word with us and let's together link arms and say, we're gonna be the best moms we can be.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's not about like how to be a good mom.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to tell you how to do that because most days I don't feel like I am that, but it's about linking arms, right?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Linking arms and doing it with community.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: How do you how do you help, especially when you're leading a community of people, when when everyone's having a bad day and everyone's kind of sharing the horror stories, how do you help move the conversation to, yeah, this is really hard and this is really difficult, but to move the conversation or move the community to a place where they feel like they're thriving instead of surviving.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think like especially with like online community, um, we always try to, because we have community groups and things online, and we always try to encourage our leaders that this is not a place to just complain and try not to let your your women just get to a place where it's just complaining about how hard everything is, and always remind like get to a place where you can just remember the good things.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I do this of when I've had an especially hard day, I sit down and I'll even make a list like what were some really good things that happened today, you know, just little things just to remind me of such a big discipline.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Really great, and what was helpful in my day, and just a couple things that stood out, you know, just if it was how my son rolled around on the floor and giggled for no reason, or that my daughter hugged me and told me that she loved me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, if those were the only two things that stood out to me in this awful day, those are the things that I want to remember more than, you know, the fact that everybody was yelling at me and everybody was fighting it with me.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing went right, and you know, so it's like if we can just remember those few little good things, and I think we I think we're in a good place.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's great.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you you said that you had three kids in three years, and mine was just I got a six-month reprieve in there, so mine was like three and three and a half.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but the same thing went through my mind because I had I'd actually there was a suit quite a long season in my life where I said, Oh, I never wanted kids.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: But by the time it was time to get, you know, to have kids, that was something I really did want, and something I was very excited for.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I think one of the the biggest surprises was even the entry into motherhood, like getting pregnant.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I would love being pregnant, but I did not.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: How about you?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, what was your discovery in that?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: I did not like being pregnant at all.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what it was awful.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think is the hardest thing with that?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just that whole thing of like you finally arrive to this desired point, and then it's not exactly what you thought it would be.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I because I our first pregnancy was a surprise, and we were thrilled, but I got pregnant and then I was very, very, very sick until I was 32 weeks pregnant.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was not what I expected at all.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I had a lot of things go wrong, and and so I thought, oh, this is supposed to be wonderful, and it I'm supposed to just glow and all those things, and I didn't experience any of those things.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, I just I think the expectation, right?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and this is not to say those who are listening who've never been pregnant, you might love being pregnant.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I hear people that are like, Oh, I miss being pregnant, it was wonderful.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well you're crazy, but some people love it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but I think really the it's the expectation that gets us into trouble, right?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, right, and this is where I'm constantly unpacking the idea of anticipation versus expectation, because it was the expectation that would be a certain way, not only pregnancy, but then motherhood that really tripped me up and caught me in the vicious cycle of wait a minute, this is not what I expected.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think that's where the enemy sometimes comes in and uses those thoughts and twists it of like, yeah, it's not what you expected.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: It must be something wrong with you.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think that, and I talk about this a little bit in my book, that I was I have this ideal in my head, like I wanted to be a mom.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: I just was so prepared and thought I was so ready to be a mom.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then I actually became a mom and realized I was not prepared at all.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's no essence.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like I just did not understand what that meant and how like how I was actually about to impact the life of another human being and what that meant.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that absolutely shook me that I was had such this huge responsibility to raise and you know put all of this training into this little person.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that was life-altering for me of oh, okay, so I don't just feed them a bottle and then they're good to go.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like I actually have to it's a nurturing, right?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like the nurturing process, the growing process that you cannot possibly begin to see the fruit of most of it for a long time.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just a constant tending and pouring into and planting and and all of that, and nurturing along the way, and you know, and and then hopefully at 18 you get to start.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there are sweet moments along the way.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: The oh for sure.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: The smiles, the I love you's, the conversations, the thank yous along the way that are really sweet rewards.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it it gets the the mindset shift in particular when we're looking at it and realizing, oh yeah, this is the anticipation is the opportunity to bring about life and then to nurture it with God's help.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of help along the way.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of help.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: What are some of your go-to practices for just the soul care aspect?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because as moms, I believe that's one of the first things to go, even when we're pregnant.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you carrying that baby for nine months for 40 weeks, it really drains the life out of you.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's easy to maybe even put task in preparing for the baby and the classes and the reading and all that different stuff, where you even begin to lose some of yourself along the way because you're so focused on preparing for baby.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: What does your community talk about for soul care that's been really helpful?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Their aha moments.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: What are some of the ways that they figure out how to, you know, capture that time again?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like for you?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: We we do a lot of um, we do a lot of Bible study, a lot of um, we provide a lot of devotional studies and things for our community because we were really intentional about pushing our women back to God's word as kind of a guiding point for them.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because it's so easy for us to get so wrapped up in the you know everyday, mundane of life, and we forget to just the most important thing of just finding time with God.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And this it's so hard for me sometimes, especially because that's literally what I do for a living is I write Bible studies and I write books, and because I'm constantly in my Bible, and then by the end of the day, I mean, this week, for example, I spent hours and hours this week writing a Bible study, and so I've spent so much time in God's word, but how much time of that was for and for the project, right?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: For an interview, for the project, but not for my own, you know, care soul.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, and I think we just have to remember, and whether that's just the little things of, and I learned this early on in motherhood that our quiet times don't have to necessarily be quiet.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's not about like sitting with a warm cup of coffee and our open Bibles, and it just doesn't have to look like that.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um and it it can look so different for each one of us that um whether your kids are running circles around you and screaming and yelling, the truth is gonna be the exact same.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no matter what the noise looks like and the chaos looks like, um, or the setting looks like.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we forget that as we become moms, it's like, well, I didn't get my quiet time today because there was no quiet and I was too tired.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it doesn't have to look like that.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that's really important for us to remember that we can still take care of ourselves right in the midst of everything being crazy and busy.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the great thing now is we have so much great technology because we can jump in the car.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: I spend a lot of time in my car driving everybody to swim practice and soccer practice and here and there.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I can literally listen to the Bible or a podcast or something that will encourage me or remind me of God's word in my ears while I'm, you know, doing your thing, you know, while I'm while I'm in the car or whatever.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can put worship music on in the car and it can help, you know, so much of those crazy chaotic moments.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's good.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's just about finding those little um meaningful minutes for us, um, those the fringe hours, some would call it, of just those little those spaces in between and making the most of it.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: For you as well, as you're continuing to mom, you're writing about motherhood, you're helping a community of moms.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: How do you balance some of this stuff?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I I always kind of like, you know, that there is a myth about balance and it's about being fully present.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: How do you practice being fully present with your kids when it's time for them?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you ful you know, practice being fully present with the work and the ministry when it's time for that?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my kids all go to school.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh nice that's the best thing for them.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's the best for me.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, some people homeschool and that's great for them, but um, my kids all go to school, and I have, you know, um my older three kids are all in public school.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: My son is uh my youngest is he's three, almost three, he's in preschool, but he goes um a few times a week to go preschool.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, you know, so just having every day that my kids are at school and I'm able to sit and work while they're at school is the best thing for me.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm able to have my focus work time, and and then that way when they walk in the door from school, I can sit and focus on them.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm not always great about like turning my work off when they come home because um, like yesterday, my daughter was they were working on a they had a spelling bee at school, and she wanted me to work on her letter her words with her, and I was like, I literally was so close to being done with a project, and I was like, I need five more minutes.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Can you give mommy five more minutes?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Will you go outside and play?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Give me a few more minutes.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not always the best at balancing, but I try to just turn off my work when they come home from school, and just being able to do that helps us, helps me find more balance.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And and I have I have four kids, and so um it's not always easy to find good balance with each one of them because they all have different needs and different they're so different.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: All four kids are completely different, and I try to be really intentional about spending one-on-one time with them and whatever needs they have and meeting those needs and um being able to focus on them individually helps a ton um with being able to relate with them and grow with them.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what kind of what kind of practical way do you carry that out?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like for you to make sure there's space for for them on a regular basis?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um a lot of that is just running errands with them.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so I will take one of them and I'll go run an errand that I need to do and then let them choose something that they want to like, you know, if they want to go get a slushy or whatever, um, you know, something fun that they want to do little or whatever.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like my oldest always wants to go to Claire's and for hearings or something, you know.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: She saved up a little bit of money.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: She always wants to go shop for jewelry or you know, something like that.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so they usually my girl, because I have three girls and a boy, my girls usually want to go walk around Target, and which is great for me.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, definitely fine.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I am great with that, and so you know, they want to do things like that, which I think that I've kind of just put that on them because it's usually what we've always done.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, in the case of what you do.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: We've just kind of made it our little dates, and um, and it's become just it's great because I'm able to focus one-on-one with them, and I can still get something done that I need to do, you know, whether it's like one night a week that when my husband's home from work and he can be home with everybody else, and then I can take one person if it's just for an hour, yeah, you know, and it's a great time to just really focus on that specific person.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And well, I'm amazed when you can separate them from the herd.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: How you can suddenly like the some of the truth and the honest conversation rises to the surface, and and they know, you know, things that they aren't gonna share with everyone else they can share with you, whether it's frustration and siblings or the boy at school, or you know, the teacher, you know, all the different stuff that's kind of they're they're thinking about, they just are waiting for that moment to share.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I know a lot of our moms are listening to this, you know, in the carpool line as they're driving kids around, maybe they're doing laundry and cleaning the house.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I I always really like to leave our friends here in the community with just kind of the the thing, the theme that they could do simply and interject into their day moving forward as they they want, they hear some of this and they're like, Yeah, that's right.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to just survive, I don't want to just like count the minutes and get through it.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thrive as a model.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say would be a great simple step and a simple plan into doing that practically?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: I think just finding something that works for you, finding something little to start with, whether it's just if there's figure out something that you're surviving in.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're just you're getting by with, you know, the way you're interacting with your kids.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like we were talking about.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's just saying, hey, we're gonna go have some fun.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna go get some ice cream tonight before bed.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody put your pajamas on.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's you know, and let's go get some ice cream.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's like because I'm a um, I'm kind of the not fun parent.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or task oriented, right?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: You get things done.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: I am.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so my husband's typically the more fun parent.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so I sometimes like have to intentionally say, okay, I'm gonna be fun today.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna work, let's all go do something.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and that helps me put myself in a good mindset.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And even if everything has been like out of control, not in a good place with the kids, it helps me get into a good perspective, a good mindset, and just reset everything.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because when everything is chaotic and crazy, we as the parent kind of just get frustrated and angry and we get annoyed because most of the time kids, kids are just being kids.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: And they don't even realize that they're doing anything wrong.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that they're annoying the heck out of you.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: They don't realize they are just being annoying.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like we just have to reset.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'll say, everybody in the car, let's just go get ice cream, let's go whatever, you know, and let's go get out of here and go for a drive or whatever, and listen to music, fun music in the car, something just to kind of reset our our frustrations and just do something to kind of get us back on the same page to where we can all get along.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: And and to remember motherhood could be fun again, right?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Just that in my shakeup, and to remember a lot of that, just having fun can help us thrive.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And um a part of the book I talk about embracing chaos, and so much of our thriving comes with that, just embracing the chaos.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't mean just like you have to be okay with like, oh, letting everything be a mess.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I am a very like type A, I want everything clean, and so I struggle with the messes, but sometimes it's just about like um being able to have more fun and finding joy in every moment and understanding that you're the adults in the room and that they are the children, and that children may not always do things, you know, the way you want them to, and that's okay.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: But you stepping up and saying, Okay, I'm the parent, I'm not going to like be this evil dictator here.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to I'm gonna have some fun and I'm going to let children be children when you know the family here, right?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not just an organization.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's exactly so.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta know.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do you know anything about the Enneagram?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: I do, yeah.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, so do you know your Enneagram number?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: I am.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: Have you figured it out from talking to me?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm kind of curious.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm torn between two numbers.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm thinking but a one or a three.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: I am a one, yeah.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: I happen to be an Enneagram coach, so it's something that we talk about here often simply wholeheartedly.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I think I think motherhood and understanding the Enneagram is so powerful.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is because you're able to articulate all those things, those places where you can get stuck and know yourself, not to shame, yeah, but to go, that is the way that God made me.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's so I can run my house and do the things the Lord has called me to with such like great success, really, um, because of who you are and how God wired you, but then to know the shadow side and go, okay, but if I'm gonna err here, I have to fight for finding my way to fight, finding my way to embracing the chaos and all those things like that.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and my husband's a seven, so I learned all that from him.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: What a great fit.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: So we have good balance at home.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I bet.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's so great.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord gave you him to help, like you said, remind like, hey, you know, we're gonna have fun here.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so good.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Have you have you even dared type your kids or talk to them about it?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: You may have figured out by now that we love to talk about the Enneagram around here.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because I believe it's one of the best ways to help you understand your creative purpose.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: The insights of the Enneagram give a clear-cut path to your best wholehearted life.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're new to the Enneagram, I have several simple ways to become more knowledgeable and closer to better understanding your type.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: First, I created an Enneagram quick start guide and an Enneagram summary of all nine types, which gives you a rundown of my favorite resources and the step-by-step discovery process.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's my free gift to you and easy to download.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you decide you're interested in learning more about your dominant type, or perhaps you'd like to introduce this helpful resource to your family or business, I am a certified Aneagram coach, and I have a few limited spaces for one-on-one coaching, group teaching, or my five-session special.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Combining the inside of the Aneagram and the truth of the gospel, together we can discover your type and the best path of growth for wholehearted living.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's move past the messy middle, get free from the shame-based ending, and reboot your story by better understanding your season to uncover the fruit of your best life.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not everyone is right for this type of coaching, but if you would like to find out if you'd be a good fit, you can get a free 30-minute consult.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just get your name on the wait list and I'll be in touch.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: The links are in the show notes, and you can find out more at simply wholehearted.com.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know what my oldest is because she's my clone.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: It is so fun to have a clone for sure.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: I I uh know that, like I really strongly encourage parents to not type their kids.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think by a certain age they can start having conversations, and a lot of different different things are gonna rise to the surface that you go, oh, they're probably this or this.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, but it is help mothering when I realize so I have a um I'm a three, and my oldest is a seven, and then my middle is an eight, and I'm fairly certain my youngest is a three.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: So man, I'll tell you what, it is a party all the time of like high energy intensity.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: There is no like my husband's a nine, so bless his heart.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: He gets overpowered by us all.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it is um, it has been just so fun to then nurture them accordingly, right?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we talked about that nurturing side of them and having that insight for me has just been like, oh, I know it, I know this is purposeful.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like it'll speak to the message their heart longs to hear.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: When I can intentionally um focus our time in a way that will will meet that heart's desire.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: We love the power of the any grame around here.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's so great.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for your time.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love your book.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel like I'm reading my journal or some of the things I've written.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, someone else gets it.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the one in the three That was my goal.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the one in the three can think a lot alike in some of us and approach it and some of the things that are startling with motherhood for some of us personality types.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you articulated it really well.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think so many moms are thinking of lady, for sure.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: So are you mamas ready to put her practical ideas into place?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: As you go on with your day to tackle the Lagos and Laundry, I hope you will find God in the simple joys.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and follow Cara Kay on Instagram or download a free audio chapter to her book, Mama, on her website.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, you can get her full book on Amazon today.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Also, our 100th episode is this week.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we'd sure love your help celebrating.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: So join us on the socials for special giveaways and announcements.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, we want you to invite others to join us as we step into a summer in the Aneagram.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be traveling through all nine types and a few overviews as we dive into this insightful personality tool.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: We will have some of our favorite guests back on the podcast, sharing their personal experience as their unique Anneagram type, and of course their new books, conferences, and so much more.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's continue to invite others to join us as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simple, full hearted life.