Transcript

Act 2 · The Rehearsal

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Act too of the rehearsal by George Villiers. This is a LibriVox recording.
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All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer,
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please visit LibriVox dot org. Act two, Scene one bays Johnson and
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Smith. Now, sir, because I'll do nothing here that ever was done
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before, spits a very notable design for a play. Indeed, instead of
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beginning with a scene that discovers something of the plot, I begin this with
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a whisper that's very new. Come take your seats, Begin, sirs.
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Enter gentleman usher and physician, Sir, by your habit, I should guess
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you to be the gentleman usher of this sumptuous place, And I, by
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your gate and fashion, I should almost suspect ye rule the health of both
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our noble kings under the notion of physician. You hit my function right,
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and you mine? Then let's embrace. Come then come pray, sir,
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who are those two so very civil persons? Why, sir, the gentleman
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usher and physicians of the two kings of Brentford. But how comes it to
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pass then that they know one another? No better? Pooh, that's for
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the better. Carrying on of the intrigue very well, sir, to conclude,
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before he begins, No, sir, you must know they had been
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talking of this are pretty wild without with the tiring room. Why I sir,
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he's so dull. Come speak again, sir, to conclude. The
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place you fill has more than amply exacted the talent of a wary pilot.
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And all these threatening storms, which like impregnant clouds do hover o'er our heads,
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when they once are grasped by the eye of reason, melt into fruitful
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showers of pleasing on the people. Pray mark. That allegory is not that
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good. Yes, that grasping of a storm with the eye is admirable.
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But yet some rumors great are stirring. And if Lorenzo should prove false,
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as none but the great gods can tell, you would then perhaps find that
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whispers now they whisper alone, do you say no, attended with the noble
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whispers who hingry Yes? And at the head of whispers, pray mark,
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then, sir, most until in time appear. These are the reasons that
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induce them to it. First, now to other whispers. Secondly, Daves,
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he's at it still. Thirdly, and lastly, both he and they
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just here they both whisper, excellent whispering. Now, gentlemen, pray tell
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me true and without flattery. Is not this a very odd beginning of a
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play in troth? I think it is, sir. But why two kings
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of the same place? Why? Because it's new? And that's it?
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I aim at. I despise your Johnson and Beaumont that borrowed all their bit
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from nature. I am for fetching it purely out of my own fancy.
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I but what think you of sir John's syckling? Sir? Bye yead,
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I am a better poet than he. Well, sir, but pray,
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why all this whispering? Why, sir? Besides that it is new,
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as I told you before, because they are supposed to be politicians, and
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matters of state ought not to be divulged. But then, sir, why
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sir? If you'll but respite your curiosity to the end of the fifth act,
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you'll find it a piece of patience, not ill recompensed, goes to
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the door. How dost thou like this? Frank? Is it not just
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as I told thee what I did? Never before this sea anything in nature?
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And all that, as mister Bay says so foolish that I could give
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some guess at what moves the fat to do it. But this, I
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confess, does go beyond my reach. Why tis all like mister Wintershall has
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informed me of this play before. And I'll tell THEE, Frank, thou
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shalt not see one scene here that either properly ought to come in or is
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like anything thou canst imagine has ever been the practice of the world. And
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then when he comes to what he calls good language, it is, as
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I told THEE, very fantastical, most abominably dull, and not one word
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to the purpose. It does surprise me, I'm sure very much, aye,
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but it won't do so long By that time thou hast seen a play
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or two that I'll show THEE, thou wilt be pretty well acquainted with this
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new kind of foppery. Scene two and to the two kings hand in hand.
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These are the two Kings of Brentford. Take notice of their style.
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Twas never yet upon the stage. But if you like it, I could
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make a shift, perhaps to show you a whole play written all just so.
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Did you observe the whisper brother King I did and heard besides and grave
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birds sing that they intend sweetheart to play us pranks. This now is familiar
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because they are both persons of the same quality. Stith, this would make
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a man's spew if that design appears. I'll lug em by the ears until
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I make em crack, And so will I. I sac you must begin
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monfoy, sweet sir, pardone moy, mark that I make them both speak
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French to show their breeding. Oh, it is extraordinary fine, then spite
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of fate, will thus combine it stand and like true brothers walk still hand
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in hand, exent kings. This is a very majestic scene. Indeed,
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I tis a crust, a lasting crust for your rogue critics, he gad.
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I would fain see the proudest of them all, but dare to nibble
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it this? He gad. If they do this, shall rub their gums
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for him. I promise you it was I. You must know writ the
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play I told you of in this very style, And shall I tell you
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a very good jest? He gad. The players would not act it.
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Ha ha, that sempossible, he gad. They would not, Sir,
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They refuse to degad the silly rogues. Ay that was rude. Rude.
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Gad. They are the rudest uncivilized persons and all that in the whole world.
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Gad, there's no living with them. I have written, mister Johnson,
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I do verily believe a whole cartload of things, every whit as good
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as this, And yet I vowed a gad. These insolent rascals have turned
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them all back upon my hands again. Strange fellows, indeed, But pray,
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mister Bays, how came these two kings to know of this whisper?
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For as I remember, they were not prisoned at it? No, But
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that's the actor's fault and not mine. For the king, should a pox
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take him, have popped both their heads in at that door, just as
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the other went off. Then indeed were a dune it done it? I
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ah he gad, these fellows are able to spoil the best things in Christendom.
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I tell you, mister Johnson, I vowed a gad. I have
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been so highly disobliged by the preemptoriousness of these fellows that I am resolved hereafter
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to bend all my thoughts for the service of the nursery and mump your proud
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players, ye gad. Scene three enter prince prettyman, how strange a captive?
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Am I grown? Or late? Shall I accuse my love or blame
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my fate? My love? I cannot? That is too divine and against
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fates? What mortal does repine? And to chloris? But here she comes,
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sure tis some blazing comet? Is it not lies down blazing comet?
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Mark that ye gad very fine? But I am so surprised with sleep I
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cannot speak the rest sleeps? Does not that now surprise you? To fall
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asleep? Just in the nick His spirits exhale with the heat of his passion
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and all that, and swap falls asleep? As you see now here she
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must make a simile. Where's the necessity of their? Mister bays because she's
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surprised. That's a general rule. You must ever make a simile when you
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are surprised. Tis the new way of writing has some tall pine which we
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on etna find to have stood the rage of many a boisterous wind feeling without
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that flames within due play which would consume his root and sap away. He
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spreads his worsted arms unto the sky, silently grieves all pale repines and eyes
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so shrouded up your bright eye disappears, break forth, bright scorching sun,
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and dry my tears. Exit. I'm afraid, sir, this scene has
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made you sad, for I must confess. When I read it, I
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wept myself now truly, sir, my spirits are almost exhiled too, and
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I'm likely to fall asleep. Prince Prettyman starts up and says it is resolved.
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Exit, mister base. May one be so bold as to ask you
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a question now? And you not be angry? Oh lord, sir,
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you may ask me what you please. I've out agad you do me a
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great deal of honor. You do not know me. If you say that,
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sir, then pray, sir, what is it that this prince here
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has resolved in his sleep? Why? I must confess that question is well
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enough asked for one that is not acquainted with this new way of writing.
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But you must know, sir, that to outdo all my fellow writers,
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whereas they keep their intriguing oh secret till the very last scene before the dance.
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I now, sir, do you mark me? Ah begin the play
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and end it without ever opening the plot at all? I do so that's
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the very plain truth on it. Ha ha ha I do, he can'd
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if they cannot find it out themselves, e let em alone. For bays,
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I warrant you, but here now is a scene of business. Pray
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observe it, for I dare say you'll think it no unwise discourse. This
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nor ill argued to tell you true. Tis a debate I overheard once betwixt
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two grand sober governing persons. Scene four. Enter gentlemen, asher and physician.
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Come, sir, Let's take the matter of fact and lay our hands
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together, right, lay our heads together. I love to be merry sometimes,
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but when a natty point comes, I lay my head close to it,
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with a pipe of tobacco in my mouth, and then I hew it
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away A faith I do just so he gat always. The grand question is
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whether they heard a whisper, which I divide thus into when they heard what
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they heard, and whether the heard don't know? Most admirably divided, I
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swear as to the one you say, just now, so that he is
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answered. Then for what why? What answers itself? For what could they
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hear but what we talked of? So then, naturally and of necessity,
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we come to the last question, be the lisit whether the heard don't know.
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This is a very wise say, mister Bays. Yes, you have
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it right. They are both politicians. I read this scene for a pattern
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to show the world how men should talk of business. You have done it
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exceedingly well. Indeed, yes, I think this will do well. If
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they hurt us, whisper, they'll turn us out, and nobody else will
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take us. Nobody else will take us, not for politicians. I dare
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answer for it. Let's still no more ourselves in vain bemoan. We are
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not safe until we them unthrown. Tis right, And since occasion of since
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debonair, I've seiz on this, and you shall take that hair. They
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draw their swords and sit down in the two great chairs upon the stage.
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There's now an odd surprise. The whole States turned quite topsy turvy, without
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any pother or stir in the whole world. You gad a very silent change
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of government, truly as ever I heard of. It is so, and
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yet you shall see me bring them in again by and by in as odd
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a way every jot. The usurpers march out, flourishing their swords. Enter
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Shirley, Hey ho, hey ho, what a change is here? Hey
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day, hey day. I know not what to do nor what to say.
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Exit, But pray, sir, how came they to depose the king
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so easily? Why? Sir? You must know they long had a design
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to do it before, but never could put it in practice till now.
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And to tell you true, that's one reason why I made him whisper so
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at first. Now very well, now I'm fully satisfied. And then to
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show you, sir, it was not done so very easily neither. In
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this next scene you shall see some fighting. Noah, So then you make
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the struggle to be after the business is done. Aye, No, I'll
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conceive you that is very natural. Scene five enter, four men at one
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door, and four at another, with their swords drawn. Stand Who goes
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there? A friend? What? Friend? A friend? To the house?
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Fall on? They all kill one another. Music strikes days to the
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music, hold hold it ceaseth now here is an odd surprise. All these
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dead men you shall see rise up presently at a certain note that I have
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made in funt flat and fall a dancing. Do you hear, dead men?
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Remember your note in e fount flat to the music play on now?
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Now now the music play his note, and the dead men rise but cannot
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get in order. Oh Lord, oh Lord, out out out ah,
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did ever men spoil the good thing? So no figure, no ear,
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no time, no thing. You dance worse than the angels, and Harry
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the eighth what a fat spirits in the tempest to get Why, sir,
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tis impossible to do anything in time to this tune? Oh Lord Lord impossible?
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Why gentlemen, if there be any faith in a person that's a Christian,
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I sit up two whole nights in composing this air and adapting it for
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the business. For if you observe, there are two several designs in this
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tune. It begins swift and ends slow. You talk of time and time
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you shall see me, do it? Look you now here? I am
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dead, lies down flat on his face, no mark my note, enough
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out flat, strike up music now. As he rises up hastily, he
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tumbles and falls down again. Oh I got the dookes. I have broken
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my nose by my troth, mister bays, this is a very unfortunate note
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of yours in a fall flat, a plague of the damn the stage with
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your nails and your tenter hooks, that a man cannot come to teach you
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to act, but he must break his nose in his face and the devil
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and all pray, sir, can you help me to a wet piece of
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brown paper? No, indeed, sir, I don't usually carry any about
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me. Sir, I'll go get you some within presently, Go go,
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then I'll follow you. Pray, dance out to dance, and I'll be
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with you in a moment. Remember you four that you dance like horsemen exit
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bas They dance the dance but can make nothing of it. The devil,
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let's try to snow more, play my dance that mister Bays found fault with
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dance and excient. What can this fool be doing all this while about his
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nose? Prithee, let's go see ecout end of Act two