Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Lisa Bilyeu - Co-Founder of Quest Nutrition and Impact Theory | Radical Confidence

Transcript

Lisa Bilyeu - Co-Founder of Quest Nutrition and Impact Theory | Radical Confidence · Success Story with Scott Clary

0:00
So we just live in purgative the mundane where someone asks you how's life. You just say, I'm fine. It's okay
0:08
Those are massive indicators that you're not actually living in utter fulfillment
0:15
The purgatory of the mundane is where I'm sure if you look at stats and you found a way to study it like an
0:20
Exceptional amount of the population lives there and they don't know what they want to do. They don't have a big
0:25
Company they want to start. They're just like shit
0:27
I don't think you need a goal to recognize you're in the purgative mundane and think about how you're going to get yourself out
0:32
A goal to me is in service of your mission. That makes a lot of sense. I love that and so every time that I'm
0:40
Hushing myself out of my comfort zone. You better believe that imposter syndrome comes flooding back
0:46
I just did the speaking gig like last week and again
0:48
I was like I want God. Who do I think I am getting on state and this is you know 10 years into my career?
0:54
I had their proof that actually betting on ourselves and building a company was going to work
1:00
I believed in myself that I can keep getting back up
1:04
So I want anyone starting a new business right now. Just it's your success isn't guaranteed
1:10
Nothing is but except for actually the struggle. You've got to get back up. That's the key
1:17
Welcome to success story. I'm your host Scotch Larry. The success story podcast is part of the HubSpot podcast network
1:25
HubSpot has been a huge supporter of the show since day one and I chose to partner with HubSpot because they support entrepreneurs at the end of the day
1:31
I'm an entrepreneur a lot of people that listen to this show or entrepreneurs and it's hard and HubSpot creates solutions
1:37
For entrepreneurs, so it's not as difficult one of the number one problems that all entrepreneurs have is keeping
1:44
Customers happy. It's one thing to acquire customers keeping them happy boosting customer satisfaction is a whole other
1:51
Can of worms. It's not easy, but there is an all-new service hub from HubSpot and it makes it infinitely easier to scale customer support and
1:59
Increase customer retention. Remember the cheapest customer to acquire is a customer you already have by bringing
2:05
Service and support together in one powerful platform
2:08
You can deliver the best experiences for your customers and your team
2:11
You free up time for your reps focus on complex issues because HubSpot has an AI-powered help desk
2:18
You proactively drive retention with customer health scores to keep your business ahead
2:23
Stopping churn and it's track and give your entire go-to-market team the data they need to operate as one
2:30
Unified powerful front also you can easily support
2:33
Strengthen and grow your customer base. What's the point of acquiring customers if they all just leave the secrets out
2:40
HubSpot service hub is a game changer all so you can better connect with the customers and keep them happy visit HubSpot.com
2:47
Slash service to do more for your customers today
2:50
Liza, thank you for coming on. I really appreciate you. I appreciate your time. I appreciate
3:05
The you know the work you've done with Quest. I appreciate the podcast that you put out and the audience you built with
3:12
Impact and women of impact and I think that when I look at your story and
3:18
I guess this story is really what led you to write the book radical confidence because really it was you looking at your past lessons and
3:26
Understanding how to unpack those lessons and sort of teach those to the world. That's really what you embody right now
3:31
So I'm listening to your story. I listened to a couple podcasts. I read the book and I noticed something very interesting so
3:39
You had radical confidence and you didn't really you didn't really let anyone else
3:47
Change your path or or or push you off your path when you were young you wanted to
3:53
You know pursue film and then you went to the US and you that's where you met Tom and you see and then even like when
4:00
You were thinking about okay, should I be marrying Tom? I know you had some pushback from your father and
4:05
You had this radical confidence to sort of keep pushing forward keep pushing forward keep pushing forward
4:12
But then there's a point in your life. There's like a pivot
4:16
Where all of a sudden it's like eight years go by and you've realized that you've lost a lot of that radical confidence
4:23
That you originally had and that really resonated with me because it's not like
4:30
you
4:31
Never had confidence
4:33
You almost fell into something once you achieve the milestone that you set out to achieve and then all of a sudden
4:40
life pivoted and
4:42
Bam eight years later
4:44
How did that happen? Oh?
4:46
Wow, what a great start to a question. Oh great start. So I
4:51
Think so many of us end up you do one little thing
4:55
You do another little thing you make a decision one day
4:58
Well, it's just a Wednesday on an average, you know in the random February
5:03
My husband asks me to take care of something. Yeah, I may as well do it and then over time
5:09
That one little thing turns into another thing turns into another thing and
5:14
Just being a female being brought up as Greek orthodox
5:18
There was so much expectation and beliefs that were kind of embedded in me as I was growing up
5:24
So even though I didn't want to be a stay-hung what a wife which is nothing wrong with that like literally nothing wrong with that
5:31
Except that wasn't my dream
5:32
The question is how the hell did I end up getting stuck there?
5:36
Well growing up my dad told me that my future was going to be a great Greek wife
5:40
And I was the point of marriage was to get married settle down and have kids
5:45
I get told that over and over and over again as I'm growing up
5:49
So the subliminal message messages you end up giving start to shape your belief system
5:54
So as I get married as I even have all these big movie dreams we end up going up
5:59
You know maybe we need to earn our own money so we can actually make our own movies
6:03
So that actually became the start of it right you have a purpose you have a vision and then one day turns into the next
6:09
And so that goal and that plan was just for a year
6:12
The word entrepreneurship didn't really exist back then because I'm talking about this is like 2002
6:17
So it's just like just for a year. I'm just gonna stay at home
6:20
I'm gonna support Tom
6:21
We're gonna go and try and make he's gonna try and make as much money as possible and then we're gonna live out our dreams
6:27
So that one year turns into another year turns into the third year
6:32
And what happens is is that I'm using gratitude every step of the way
6:36
I'm so grateful to be married to a man that loves me as much as he does
6:40
I'm so grateful to be living in America which was my dream as a kid. I'm so grateful right and fill in the blank
6:47
Then over time you start to sacrifice for the greater good the greater good to the family the greater good to the kids
6:53
The greater good to the husband because your belief system carries you to be that good Greek girl at least for me that good
7:00
Greek girl
7:01
So as time starts to go by I'm now becoming more and more insecure because I don't know where my life is going
7:08
So what happens is I start to clutch on to any validation I can get that makes me feel good about myself and that
7:16
validation actually came from my dad saying that I was a great Greek wife came for my husband saying I was an amazing
7:23
Greek wife and so now what happened was I was slowly slowly tying my validation
7:28
To an identity
7:31
Now the identity of being that good Greek wife wasn't something
7:36
Wasn't what I wanted but imagine now I don't want to let go of it because the only place that I can actually feel good about
7:42
Myself is through the people that are telling me that I'm doing a great job
7:46
So over time as we go from year three to year four to year five to you six
7:52
I keep saying to myself. I'm gonna make a change when when I have the confidence when my husband is happy
7:58
when I have the money
8:00
So all of these little things that were happening to my mind were happening to my self-esteem were happening to my
8:06
Unfidence starts to really mold itself into being the person that when I get into seven years later
8:12
I don't feel like I can ever say anything about the fact that I'm unhappy because that gratitude piece that I said that I was doing
8:20
Earlier now turns into toxic gratitude that voice in my head
8:24
The cinema god I'm so grateful to have a husband that loves me now every time that whisper comes in saying
8:29
I see you and happy
8:30
That gratitude starts knocking that voice that
8:34
Knocks that voice down and starts to argue with her and says well hang on a minute. How ungrateful are you?
8:40
You say you're unhappy, but you have a husband that loves you. You have a roof over your head
8:45
You you know like in the blank. So now I have the guilt
8:49
I have the shame of who do I think I am speaking up saying that I'm unhappy when I have all these other things that other people don't have and
8:56
Then again, I had tied my validation so much to my identity that I didn't want to change it
9:02
So what I say is I ended up being in what I call pergatory of the mundane
9:08
My life was just mundane enough. I didn't hit rock bottom and it didn't so rock bottom catapult people sometimes into action
9:15
Right because you're like well, I've got nothing else away guns. Yeah, yeah
9:19
I didn't have that and so how many of us listening right now don't have that wake-up moment
9:25
So we just live in
9:27
Purgatory of the mundane where someone asks you how's life. You just say I'm fine. It's okay
9:34
Those are massive indicators that you're not loving your life and that you're not actually living in utter fulfillment
9:40
And so that can be like just the sign because sometimes people don't realize they're living in pergatory of the mundane and I didn't realize that
9:48
until
9:50
My husband has a crazy idea to start a protein bar company and that code that like catapulted be into the stratosphere
9:56
But those eight years when I look back of how do we get start?
10:00
It just to encompass everything. It's your belief system
10:04
It's then you make in sacrifices that don't align with who you want to be and what you want in life
10:09
Then it becomes I
10:11
Where you're getting your validation form and then tying that to an identity that actually doesn't serve you
10:16
So you put all of those together. That is exactly how I ended up being stuck for years
10:21
Do you think that when you start to work with people and to get them out of this this purgatory of the mundane?
10:28
Do you think that they have to have a goal in mind and why I say that is because
10:33
The reason why you didn't end up in the in the purgatory of the mundane when you started your career your life
10:39
You were very ambitious because you had a very specific goal and
10:45
I'm not saying that you would you need that to just be ambitious. Maybe you just want to push back against your parents and just go conquer the world
10:53
But I think a goal probably helps to a degree when you start to move yourself out of the purgatory of the mundane
10:59
Was it
11:01
West was it the protein bar that was like the wake-up call like now I have a goal now I have a purpose and I want to work towards this or
11:08
Can you sort of remove yourself from this even if you don't have a defined path because I think
11:15
The purgatory of the mundane is where I'm sure if you look at stats and you found a way to study it like an
11:21
Exceptional amount of the population lives there and they don't know what they want to do. They don't have a big
11:26
Company they want to start. They're just like shit. Well, I don't have a goal. Where do I start?
11:31
Yeah, so that's very interesting because I don't think you need a goal to recognize you're in the pagotid mundane and think about
11:38
How you're going to get yourself out a goal to me is in service of your mission
11:43
Now if you don't know what your mission is because you start been stuck in pagotid the mundane
11:48
First of all the very first step is owning and admitting that you're stuck
11:53
With utter grace because that's where some people look that is even a dent to your ego because you don't want to look back
11:58
As I'm a god I've wasted eight years so in order to suit your emotions right now you actually just blank
12:04
And I know that I wasn't a waste but for me to really jolt me out of it
12:07
I had to be very honest. I said yes
12:09
I did spend eight years not living the life I want number one acknowledge that with compaction but acknowledge it
12:16
So I think that really becomes the first step then the second step is to your point people may not know what where to go
12:22
That's where I go. You need to give yourself space and time to be curious
12:27
Because you don't know what necessarily your mission may be and you won't know until you try a bunch of things
12:33
So for me, I didn't realize that my mission was to help people until
12:38
West started and so my husband comes home. He's chasing money, right?
12:41
We've been which we thought it was only going to be a year it turns into eight years
12:45
He's profoundly unhappy. I'm profoundly unhappy
12:48
So I pulled him a sign as it I don't care about money all I can care about is happiness
12:53
And so what would you do every day to make yourself happy and that became the idea of
12:59
Starting a protein bar company with his business partners now when they said they wanted to start it
13:04
They were actually exiting another company and so I said oh help the good Greek wife
13:09
What do you need and so in that oh help? What do you need? I
13:14
Started to face my insecurities and my inadequacies every single day because the company grew at
13:21
57,000 percent so just to give you an idea that goes from zero to a billion dollars in five years
13:28
It's a lot so in that crazy growth because our house was up for collateral
13:34
I had a choice every time I hit a brick wall the old Lisa that felt extremely insecure and just wanted a stroke
13:41
Her ego would back off. I don't want to take on this challenge because I don't want it to make me feel bad
13:46
But when your house is up for collateral, it's a real freaking wake-up call
13:50
So every time I didn't know what I was doing every time that insecurity came up
13:54
Who do you think you are Lisa the imposter syndrome you stay at home wife for eight years
13:59
You have no idea what you're doing. I just gave myself a choice you can figure it out or you can lose your house
14:05
And so every time I face that I chose to figure it out in that process of figuring it out
14:12
It allowed me to build my skill sets
14:14
Building my skill sets allowed me to build my competence and as a result
14:18
It allowed me to feel comfortable about building a business
14:22
So I didn't know what I was getting into until it started to evolve
14:28
As I was thrust into it
14:30
There were little markers along the way that started to really draw my heartstrings
14:35
And so this is where I talk about the mission right
14:37
I happen to have stumbled on multiple things that allowed me to realize oh my god
14:42
I love being able to build a skill set that actually serves people
14:46
That became my recipe to fulfillment
14:49
So I realized that though as I was doing it and it came at the end
14:54
So now these little moments I just paid attention
14:58
So the little moments were I grew up with a mom that was borderline anorexic
15:03
And I saw her starve herself for the sake of beauty
15:07
And when we're building quest we get this letter and the woman says
15:13
Thank you so much for allowing me I'm anorexic
15:16
I've been in hospital. I was 55 pounds. It was something crazy
15:20
She was on her freaking deathbed and she was like in her thirties
15:24
And she's like
15:25
Thank you for introducing quest bars because you'd made me allow me to be okay with calories again
15:31
It well
15:33
Now I wouldn't have known that that would pull up my heartstrings until it happened
15:38
What allowed that to happen was I experimented with different things
15:42
So once that hit me I was like oh my god
15:46
So are you saying the harder I work the better I build my skill sets
15:51
The more I can help the anorexic community
15:54
Yes
15:55
Wow all right, let me take that on board
15:58
Then my mom actually became she went from borderline anorexic to morbidly obese in my later years
16:04
So now as quest is getting harder and harder and I'm facing my inadequacies every single day
16:10
I start to realize the thing that was propelling me forward
16:13
Was fighting for my mom was every morning
16:16
I was going to wake up and say if how can I make quest work because if I can maybe I can help my mom
16:23
It was mother Teresa that said not everybody will fight for the masses
16:26
But everybody will fight for the one
16:28
So who is that one person that you were waking up for every day and I realized that became part of my mission
16:35
So now coming back to your question
16:37
Over time these little things that started making me realized that I feel great
16:42
About the fact that I could be better today and help one more person. I could help my mom
16:48
So that then became part of my mission
16:51
So then I started to build out my mission statement
16:54
Because just like anything you can get distracted in a million different ways
16:59
So how do I make sure that every time I show up every time I wake up everything that I do all of my energy is always being pointed at a North
17:07
Star that's like what I call my mission my north star
17:10
So my north star became the thing that I really cared about
17:14
So it's the what the how and the who
17:19
Those are the three key things that I think make up a mission
17:23
So I became and I wrote out my mission statement that was eventually over years and years and years and years
17:28
Right because I started to evolve and my mission started to evolve that now I can say it very succinctly
17:33
It's create content that impacts young girls so they don't have to feel insecure like I did
17:40
Very fricking succinct the what is creating content the who is helping young women
17:46
And the why because I had to overcome insecurity and I don't ever want them to
17:51
Now I've got my mission statement my goal then becomes in service of my mission statement
17:58
So the mission so the goals are what how much and by when
18:04
As are you keep setting goals then you keep making a new goal then you set it again
18:09
But every single time you set a goal it is always in service of that mission
18:14
So that's why now going all the way back to your question. I don't think you need a goal
18:19
I actually think that becomes the last piece of the puzzle and
18:24
Working through your new style what propels you forward then having a goal that serves all of that
18:29
Then becomes the blueprint to how I think you keep moving forward in life and never get stuck again
18:36
I absolutely love this um, I need to understand one more thing as well from from your backstory because
18:43
When I listened to the relationship with your father
18:47
It seemed well it didn't seem it was very apparent at a certain point in your life
18:53
a lot of
18:54
The stress or the inability to make confident decisions stems from
18:59
His lens at what your life should be. I don't I think you used a different word could have been a frame or whatnot
19:05
But it's really the other individuals frame of reference. That's the point. So
19:10
All these other individuals in your life have different frames of reference for what your life should be
19:15
And it sounds like what you just described with the mission is you slowly move
19:21
Your attention from another individual's frame of reference to your own mission
19:25
And that's what enabled you to actually be confident
19:29
How did you make that migration?
19:32
Oh, yes
19:36
I'm curious I find it fascinating because I see this migration because your focus is no longer on what someone else thinks
19:42
It's on now what you think and care about and believe it, but that's also not easy
19:47
Yeah, exactly. So these here's what I did as my dad has a frame of reference
19:52
I just took it as fact that that's what I should believe in as I got older and I started to listen to myself
19:59
I started to listen to my heart the voice in my head all of these things are
20:05
Messages that as a woman growing up in a Greek orthodox
20:09
Family, I didn't ever allow myself to do and so one of the big things was I surrounded myself with people that would push my thinking
20:16
And my husband was the very first person so on our first date and this wasn't deliberate right kind of stumbled into everything
20:23
But on our first date he was a curious man and so in in discussion he would ask me so what do you believe in God?
20:32
And I just wasn't known to ever ask to me that and the truth was my answer was because my dad told me to
20:38
So here I am 21 years old and I've never even considered why I believe in God
20:44
And that was I think the very first thing that was like
20:47
I felt so embarrassed staying that answer out loud and I was like wow
20:52
I'm embarrassed in saying that out loud why because it's not like it's my own thought
20:56
I haven't even contemplated it
20:58
So what else in my life have I just taken this fact and not actually thought through myself
21:04
So by the time we got to the moment where my husband asks my dad for his blessing to marry me
21:10
And my dad says no in that moment I had to pause
21:15
And I had to ask why
21:17
Instead of just judging my dad I can't believe there he doesn't believe in my mouth just ask my dad why
21:23
So what I did is still just taken it for fact I became curious
21:27
And so in hearing his reason he said well you come from different cultures
21:32
There's no way you being with orthodox and him being you know mixed blooded American that it'll ever work
21:38
He doesn't get us right he doesn't have um he's not earning enough money in order to support you
21:44
So he starts laying out all these reasons why my dad doesn't think it can work
21:50
In that moment I said this is his truth
21:54
This is his frame of reference based on where he came from
21:58
So in the game it's sort of judging because I think it's easier to go
22:01
He's crazy he doesn't get it no no
22:03
Let me actually just understand why he's saying that
22:07
Instead of dismissing him because I'm the cut side like I love learning and being a
22:11
I've got a thirst for knowledge so that it can help me cultivate my own mindset
22:16
So asking questions with my dad why do you believe this?
22:19
Well, he came from a tiny village in the mountains of Cyprus
22:23
contraception didn't exist
22:26
And so women didn't get an education because they would get married for pregnant immediately
22:31
So they wouldn't give women the education when there was only five kids
22:35
Let's say that they could choose from the village
22:37
So my dad's frame of reference is
22:38
Well, you're a woman
22:39
You're going to end up getting married having kids so why you know
22:44
Oh, sorry, you're going to get married
22:45
Which means that you need someone that can provide for you because he's old school
22:49
Women don't go to work men provide
22:52
So he looks at Tom he sees that he's not earning much money
22:55
And so he's like he's not going to be able to provide for you
22:58
Next thing that you're not going to be able to make the marriage work
23:00
Why does he believe it believe that
23:02
He's never once in anyone in my family ever married outside my culture
23:07
So for his perspective
23:09
He just sees there's no way can work because his frame of reference is he's never seen it possible
23:15
Now taking all of that for his truth
23:19
How do I take that and use that in my life
23:22
All right, actually there's some lessons here
23:24
Number one maybe is going to be hard with our cultures
23:28
So let me preempt it
23:29
Let me actually come up with a gang plan where me and Tom can talk through
23:33
How this actually could be truth and what are we going to do to combat it
23:38
So as you can see in me taking the perspectives of somebody else
23:44
Not now taking it blindly open up those blinders being open and receptive to asking questions
23:50
Why allowed me to start to concretize my own beliefs and my own thinking
23:56
That was true to me
23:58
Not true to my dad my mom my husband and everyone else
24:02
Once I started to do that
24:04
It becomes like my favorite move one of my favorite movies is like karate kid wax on wax off
24:09
Why I then start to practice the skill set of listening to myself
24:16
And over time as I started to do that
24:19
Why could I said earlier with any type of skill set
24:22
If you start to practice and get really good
24:25
You become competent enough to get to become confident
24:29
So over time I then became confident in my decision making
24:34
And to trust my own gut and my own mindset
24:37
Instead of blindly letting someone else lead me
24:41
That makes a lot of sense
24:42
I love that I love that you bridge that gap
24:45
And and thank you because I think that's probably the biggest issue that people have
24:48
That is like the massive shift
24:50
And it's not I want to highlight that it is not like a one and done thing
24:55
Because I think we always oscillate between other people's frame of reference
25:00
What do they think about this thing or that thing that impacts me
25:04
And okay, no I should trust myself
25:07
And this is actually one of the main points that you make
25:09
Always betting on yourself
25:11
And sort of moving towards your north star or your mission
25:15
But it's never it's never like a one and done
25:17
And I think that also creeps up on people too
25:19
I think actually a lot of good life advice people take for
25:24
If I just figure this out once
25:26
I'm good
25:27
And then life creeps up on them again
25:29
And then they realize they sort of slip into these old routines
25:32
I'm sure that happens to you all the time
25:33
And you always have to keep sort of
25:35
Even the person who wrote the book on
25:37
A uneratical god but you have to keep reframing
25:41
What's important and what's not
25:42
Because we're human at the end of the day
25:45
Yeah, a thousand percent and that's exactly why I wrote the book
25:48
Also in like steps and lessons
25:50
Because as you grow as you change as you evolve
25:55
New problems and issues are going to arise
25:57
They're just going to look a little different
26:00
And so the imposter syndrome that I talk about in the book
26:03
Is something that I feel in any new arena that I enter
26:07
And so every time that I'm
26:09
Hushing myself out of my comfort zone
26:12
You better believe that imposter syndrome comes
26:14
Flooding back. I just did the speaking geek like last week
26:17
And again, I was like, oh my god, who do I think I am getting on stage
26:20
And this is you know 10 years into my career
26:23
So I just give myself the grace to know
26:26
It is exactly like you said it's never one and done
26:29
And the perfect analogy that I love because I love
26:31
Like I'm such a visual visual person
26:34
That I just use the gym
26:35
All right, Lisa. Well, you've got maybe a little bicep now
26:38
But if you don't go to the gym
26:40
If you take two years off
26:42
If you don't eat well
26:43
What's going to happen to your muscles
26:45
They're absolutely going to atrophy
26:47
Why do we not think that's going to be the same with our mindset
26:51
Of course it will
26:52
If you don't keep practicing your confidence
26:55
If you don't keep practicing your skillsets
26:58
If you think, oh, I've got this now
27:00
Over time it will atrophy
27:02
And so the key though is to give yourself the grace
27:06
That you may find yourself in the same same somewhat situation
27:10
Five years from now
27:11
I don't beat myself up if I fail at business
27:14
Which I do with the time
27:15
It's not like I then go back and go well
27:17
Lisa you should never keep going in business
27:20
It was you know it was a one hit wonder
27:22
No, I've got this is amazing
27:23
What can I learn from this so that I can add it to my toolbox of confidence
27:28
So that the next time I don't feel confident
27:30
I can use the tool
27:32
And so the book really does like one of my
27:35
I actually wanted to write this as the last chapter
27:37
And I ended up not but like the last one
27:39
I just wanted like
27:40
The title to be rinse and repeat
27:43
And that was going to be the chapter perfect
27:45
Exactly because that's how you have to apply it every single day
27:48
Every single day
27:50
Now okay so
27:52
Speak a lot about betting on yourself
27:55
Betting on yourself definitely becomes easier
27:57
After you've sort of recorded some significant wins
28:00
So let's let's approach this concept from somebody
28:03
Who's betting on themself for the first time
28:06
Ways you're said than done
28:07
So contacts would be somebody starting their first business
28:12
How do you have the courage to bet on yourself
28:14
And you've never proven that you could
28:15
Do anything like what you're trying to do
28:19
So I had said that to my husband
28:22
That we bet on ourselves not I bet on him
28:25
When we were taking a new challenge
28:26
So he was chasing money we wanted to start quest
28:29
We were putting our house up for for collateral
28:32
And I said I bet on us
28:34
And the thing there is I'd go proof
28:36
I had zero proof
28:38
That actually betting on ourselves
28:40
And building the company was going to work
28:42
But what I did have is I believed on in myself
28:46
That I can keep getting back up
28:48
So I want anyone starting a new business right now
28:51
Just your success isn't guaranteed
28:55
Nothing is
28:56
But except for actually the struggle
28:59
So if you know the struggle is guaranteed
29:02
As I build my business
29:03
Are you moving towards something that's meaningful to you
29:06
That's where the mission comes in
29:07
And then know
29:09
That even if you don't succeed
29:11
How are you going to move forward
29:13
And you get back up
29:14
How do you get back up
29:16
And how do you learn from those mistakes
29:18
Because if you start today
29:20
It may take you 10 years
29:22
It may take you 20 years
29:25
To be what you consider successful
29:28
So knowing that
29:30
How do you keep moving forward
29:32
You've got to get back up
29:33
That's the key
29:34
So I actually have a chapter in my book
29:36
Called when the beep hits the fan
29:39
Where goggles
29:40
I'm not sure if I can swear on this podcast
29:42
So I did the new care if you want
29:44
So it's when the shit hits the fan
29:47
Where goggles
29:48
The reason why I wrote that chapter
29:49
Is we so focus on what failure means
29:53
We think it means something about us
29:55
We think it means that we're incompetent
29:56
But actually in my understanding
29:59
And my interpretation
30:00
Because I just felt like failure held me back
30:03
How do I see failure as the best
30:05
And that can happen to me
30:07
So when the shit hits the fan
30:08
Stop worrying about the shit hit in the fan
30:10
Because it will
30:11
What are you going to do when it happens
30:15
How do you get back up
30:17
And so the perfect story that I love to give
30:20
Is the one that hit me so hard
30:21
Because as you're building a company
30:23
You're going to find these issues
30:24
So we're building quests
30:26
It's very early days
30:27
We just have about enough money
30:29
To hire a couple of people to run our production
30:32
So we were manufacturing ourselves
30:34
So for the longest time
30:35
That it was us manufacturing our own product
30:37
We're in like literally rolling pins
30:39
And we've got knives
30:40
And we're like, you know, hand feeding
30:42
The little wrapper bar with the little putt pedal
30:45
So then we get enough money to hire a couple of people
30:48
So we're in the offices
30:49
I'm packaging all the bars
30:50
I'm shipping them
30:51
My husband's dealing with marketing
30:53
And the guy comes in
30:55
And he's manufacturing
30:57
And he just looks definitely why
30:58
And he's like, I'm so sorry
31:00
I'm so sorry
31:00
He thinks he's about to get fired
31:02
And we're like, what happened
31:03
He's like, I've messed up a batch of bars
31:05
Now in that moment
31:06
When you're building a company
31:09
Every little penny matters
31:11
And so the batch of bars was like $5,000
31:14
Which in that moment
31:15
I was like, am I about to lose my house
31:17
Because of this batch of bars
31:19
And I really not have any experience
31:21
Not understanding the failure
31:23
Actually can help you propel you forward
31:25
I go into absolute panic mode
31:27
And I start like really panicking
31:30
And my husband's just like, look
31:31
Before we just panic
31:33
Let's go and see what we've got
31:34
So we walk into the production facility
31:37
And the guy starts breaking down look
31:38
I was going to make a peanut butter protein bars
31:41
And then I was going to do the mixed berry bars
31:44
And what happened was
31:45
I'm making the peanut butter
31:47
I put the peanut butter in
31:49
The peanut butter protein
31:50
I put in the sweetener
31:52
And I accidentally grabbed the
31:55
The flavoring from the mixed berry bar
31:58
And put it in with the peanut butter
32:00
And we're going to come like, oh my god
32:01
This is terrible
32:02
Some of my husband's like, let's just try it
32:05
So we're all like holding our breath
32:06
So we're holding our nose
32:08
Like drawing this like weird concoction
32:10
And then someone's like, ah
32:13
He's like, he'd be in jail
32:16
So in that moment
32:19
We go
32:21
How can this be the best thing that's ever happened
32:23
Instead of thinking of it as a mass of failure
32:26
That our company's about to break
32:28
How can we use this
32:30
To propel us forward
32:32
So we ended up
32:33
Rapping them in like plain rappers
32:37
We do a blast out on Facebook
32:39
Because at the time we're talking about like
32:40
This is like 2012
32:42
Facebook was like on major marketing tool
32:44
We do a blast out on Facebook
32:46
And we're like, new bar prototype
32:49
Exclusive only 200 boxes available
32:54
People lost their minds
32:56
The bars sold out like that
32:59
And so we were like, wow
33:00
That was kind of an interesting
33:02
Strat marketing strategy
33:04
That we didn't actually mean to do
33:06
Then people get the bars
33:07
And everybody's raving about them
33:10
They're like, this is the best
33:12
Freaking bar I've ever tasted
33:15
So now you've got people talking about
33:17
How amazing the bar is
33:19
The knock on effect of the people
33:20
That didn't get the bar
33:21
Now have major phomo about it
33:23
And they're like, wait, wait, wait
33:25
Hang on a minute, there was a
33:26
There's a PB&J bar out there
33:27
How did I never try it?
33:28
I want to try it
33:30
So within like two weeks
33:32
We designed new rappers
33:34
We get it out on the market
33:35
And we've lost new protein bar available
33:38
PB&J
33:39
And that bar became on number one
33:42
Top selling bar at the time
33:44
And that is how you take out of failures
33:47
A disaster in your company
33:49
As you're trying to move towards success
33:51
And use those failures
33:53
To propel you forward
33:55
So that you can eventually
33:56
Hopefully reach the point of success
33:59
I just want to take a second
34:00
And thank the sponsor of today's episode
34:02
HubSpot
34:02
Now HubSpot has an incredible podcast
34:04
Network, the HubSpot podcast network
34:06
My show success story is part of it
34:08
But if you love great podcasts
34:10
You have to listen
34:12
To imperfect action
34:13
Hosted by Steph Taylor
34:14
She cuts to the chase
34:15
She dishes out actionable strategies
34:18
On online marketing
34:19
Content creation
34:21
Social media and more
34:22
Steph is your marketing obsessed friend
34:25
She's been in the trenches for years
34:27
She shares what works
34:28
And what doesn't
34:29
So you skip that costly trial and error
34:32
If you crave friendly
34:33
Educational content that gets results
34:36
Imperfect action is your new
34:38
Favorite podcast
34:39
Check out
34:40
Imperfect action
34:41
Wherever you get your podcasts
34:43
But there's such an important lesson there
34:46
So just from a psychological perspective
34:49
That entire event could have sidelined
34:52
An entrepreneur
34:53
That wasn't in the right mindset
34:55
That you could have sabotaged yourself
34:57
You could have thought this company's over
34:59
You could have
35:00
And when you're in such a negative mindset
35:02
You're not creative
35:04
And you can't think of options
35:05
And I really do believe it in the moment
35:08
Most problems
35:10
Are really not going to change the course of our life
35:12
To the point where it's
35:14
You can't come back from it right
35:16
So
35:17
I think it's just
35:17
That's a little bit of experience
35:19
It's a little bit of
35:21
It's a little bit of being around the right people
35:23
That sort of help you appreciate
35:24
Whether or not the
35:25
That situation is as serious as it is
35:27
Because even the poor guy that made the mistake
35:30
Look at his reaction versus yours right
35:33
Two totally different reactions
35:35
And his reaction would have not been the creative site
35:38
Probably gone on Facebook tried to market it
35:40
And saved a couple hundreds of thousands
35:42
If not
35:42
Whatever
35:43
I don't even know
35:44
Probably a couple thousand bucks in inventory
35:46
So
35:47
It is important
35:48
When you're going to build something
35:49
I think also
35:51
Just to understand that that shit will happen
35:54
It's not like a maybe
35:55
It's like it will
35:57
So expect it
35:58
And understand this is entrepreneurship
35:59
And you're going to have to deal with it
36:02
Exactly
36:03
Yeah
36:03
That's actually why I love having
36:06
These conversations about like these shit
36:07
Hit the fan moments with people that
36:09
You know
36:10
Built these massive businesses
36:11
Because
36:12
Entrepreneurship is not easy
36:14
It's not as sexy as a lot of people think it is
36:16
And I wish people would just
36:18
Hear more of these stories before they go into it
36:20
So when this stuff does happen
36:22
They don't
36:23
You know
36:24
Get massively depressed
36:25
Get stressed out
36:26
Make bad decisions
36:27
All the stuff that
36:28
Can come with entrepreneurship
36:29
If you don't have that
36:30
Really great support group around you
36:33
Yeah
36:34
Part of that also is now
36:35
My evolution of changing my identity
36:37
That I've spoken about before
36:39
Now I just adopt the identity of the learner
36:42
And person that can adapt
36:44
So now imagine
36:45
I've got that identity
36:46
I don't
36:46
It's not like I have an identity of
36:48
Being the president of impact theory
36:50
I am the
36:51
My identity is
36:52
I can adapt and learn
36:54
With everything that I do
36:55
So now you can put me in any environment
36:57
In any situation
36:59
In any type of mess
37:00
Or crap that's happened in your business
37:02
And as the adapter
37:04
And the learner
37:05
I just go in
37:06
Going cool
37:07
How can I adapt to this situation
37:08
How can I learn from this
37:10
And that's helped me just
37:12
Keep going
37:15
With women of impact
37:16
You interview tons of incredible
37:18
Successful women, entrepreneurs
37:20
Just individuals
37:22
So
37:23
When you
37:24
Re-launch
37:25
Radical confidence
37:26
You wrote a chapter
37:27
And it was
37:29
It's leave the loser
37:30
Choose yourself
37:31
So I'm super curious
37:34
Obviously something prompted this
37:37
You speak to a lot of women entrepreneurs
37:39
When you look back
37:40
At the story most people know about you
37:43
It's like well
37:44
She actually had a really
37:45
Great relationship
37:46
And she met Tom when she was really young
37:47
And
37:48
You know
37:49
Where is this relationship advice coming from
37:51
So maybe just walk me through
37:54
From the people that you spoke
37:55
Into the women entrepreneurs
37:57
Maybe your own personal experience
37:59
Where did this chapter come from
38:00
Why was it so important enough
38:02
That you
38:03
Re-put out a new version of the book
38:05
Just because of it
38:06
Yeah
38:07
In meaning just incredible women
38:09
Women that I admire
38:10
I think is just
38:11
Crazy confident
38:13
Every single woman that I talk to
38:15
If they've been in a bad relationship
38:17
That's the biggest thing
38:17
That has then to their confidence
38:19
So you can have an amazing company
38:22
Successful let's say by all standards
38:24
People admire you
38:26
If you have a toxic relationship
38:28
If you're with somebody that is constantly
38:31
Putting down your dreams
38:32
Your ambitions
38:33
Your visions
38:34
It starts to erode the person
38:36
That you want to be
38:37
And just like if you have that like water
38:39
That drips on a rock
38:41
At first it's just slow
38:42
You don't think it's a big deal
38:43
It's not like you think you're going to drown
38:44
Where you're just like
38:44
It's a little trip
38:45
What is the harm of a little drip
38:48
Over time
38:49
You drip on someone
38:50
Enough
38:51
That rock actually starts to change its shape
38:54
So now imagine
38:55
You're a female
38:56
And you're trying to build a business
38:58
You're working
38:58
You're really crashing at your mindset
39:00
You're trying to get your mindset into a confident space
39:02
And every single time you do that
39:04
You go home to someone that's belittling you
39:06
Someone that's purposely trying to manipulate
39:09
Purpose trying to put you down
39:12
A healthy relationship
39:13
Can be the like the wind beneath your wings
39:16
But an unhealthy relationship
39:18
Can actually be a weight
39:19
Around your ankle that pulls you into the deep dark ocean
39:24
And so that is what I realized
39:25
In here I am
39:27
Really trying to empower women
39:28
Really trying to help people on their path
39:30
To the confidence
39:31
And I didn't really acknowledge
39:33
The fact that I was in a tremendous toxic relationship
39:36
Before I met Tom
39:37
And the truth was if I didn't get out of that
39:40
I wouldn't have built a billion dollar company
39:42
I wouldn't have built my show
39:43
Women of impact
39:44
I wouldn't have had the confidence to get in front of the camera
39:46
And I definitely wouldn't have ridden my butt
39:48
And so I actually thought it was
39:50
I was doing a disservice to people
39:51
By not addressing the power of a healthy relationship
39:56
And the power of a toxic relationship
39:58
And so I break down exactly what had happened
40:02
How he eroded my confidence
40:04
How I recognized that actually this was now a toxic dynamic
40:09
What my participation was in that toxic dynamic
40:12
So that I never do it again
40:15
And then once I got out of that relationship
40:17
The work I did on myself
40:19
For an entire year before I met Tom
40:22
Is exactly what allowed me
40:25
To then have a relationship with my husband
40:27
Have one of these, you know, for 21 years
40:30
Marriage
40:31
And be able to build multiple businesses with him
40:34
And still have an extremely healthy relationship
40:37
And when you're talking about business specifically
40:41
The most successful entrepreneurs I've noticed
40:44
Are the people that have the most stable home lives
40:46
Because you now have the security
40:48
To know that if my husband went out
40:50
And he tried his hand at business
40:52
And he failed
40:53
I would still for a can love him
40:54
And vice versa
40:56
If I went out and I failed
40:57
Time and time and time again
41:00
Do I come home to somebody
41:01
That's like it's all right, baby
41:03
You've got this
41:04
Keep going
41:05
I believe in you
41:06
Or do you come home to someone that's like
41:07
I told you it will work
41:09
See
41:11
That type of toxicity
41:13
Will literally hold you back
41:15
From any success that you may dream about
41:18
Because you don't believe it's possible
41:19
Because they have eroded your confidence
41:22
In every way
41:23
So there's three things in this in this book
41:25
That you discussed that massively impact women
41:28
And I think that these are
41:30
These are ideas and concepts
41:32
And I don't want to say always problems
41:35
But they're just very top of mindful women
41:36
So you mentioned the one
41:38
Toxic relationships
41:39
The second you highlighted
41:41
When you referred to as Tom's wife
41:45
By some of the influencers
41:46
That were I guess working with quest
41:48
And then the third
41:49
Was the decision whether or not to have kids
41:53
So I would say that
41:55
Toxic relationship
41:57
Being referred to somebody
41:58
As somebody's wife
41:59
Maybe it's a little bit of imposter syndrome
42:01
And really your accomplishments
42:02
Like just are not being recognized
42:04
And then figuring out what to do with family planning
42:06
These are like massive
42:08
Scyidal pressures
42:10
So your own experience
42:12
Some of the incredible women entrepreneurs
42:14
Founders CEOs you speak to
42:16
Maybe just some advice
42:17
Some strategies on
42:20
On how to in these three specific circumstances
42:26
Deal with it
42:27
Work through it
42:28
Not let it sidetrack your career
42:30
Not let it suck the happiness and life out of you
42:32
Because
42:33
I mean you speak to the best of the best
42:35
You probably hear this a lot
42:37
And these issues have come up in different ways
42:39
With different people
42:40
Yeah the
42:42
The imposter syndrome thing
42:44
Was really strong for me
42:45
And I still suffered from it
42:47
And that's the one thing
42:48
It's still surprising to me
42:49
Even though I have the imposter syndrome
42:51
The other
42:51
Amazing successor women have imposter syndrome
42:54
It's always like becoming universal
42:56
So now again
42:57
I don't be myself up over
42:58
I give myself the grace
43:00
But how do I handle it
43:01
Do I allow
43:03
Imposter syndrome to hold to me bad
43:05
Or does it actually encourage me to move forward
43:07
So there's a couple of things that I'll do
43:09
Number one is I'm always the learner
43:12
So if I'm walking to a room
43:13
Where I feel like I'm an imposter
43:15
I don't deserve to be here
43:16
Because there's so many amazing women
43:18
Instead of saying you're an imposter
43:19
Say oh this is the room where you get to learn Lisa
43:23
And I understanding and thinking that I get to learn
43:26
Allows me to reduce my insecurities
43:29
Walk in there with more of like a north star if you will
43:33
And then it doesn't make me feel insecure
43:35
To talk to these people
43:36
That I don't think I have the right quote and quote to talk to
43:40
Because I'm like oh I'm the learner
43:41
They can teach me something
43:42
Oh my god
43:43
You know
43:44
I haven't you don't you don't say it
43:45
You reframe it
43:47
No exactly
43:49
Perfect way of saying it
43:50
I do not fight it
43:51
Um
43:52
Now when I have that voice in my head
43:54
That is telling me that I'm no good
43:55
That I don't deserve it
43:57
One of the things I do there
43:59
Is I start to listen to her
44:00
Why is she saying that
44:03
So why do you think that
44:04
I'm going to be terrible in front of the camera
44:07
You know who do you think you are
44:08
You're not Oprah Winfrey
44:09
You're not this person
44:10
Okay, why do you think I'm going to be bad at it
44:12
Like just ask the question
44:14
And my inner critic starts telling me
44:17
A lot of laundry list
44:18
Of why they think I'm going to be terrible
44:20
About getting in front of the camera
44:21
Well Lisa, your bullied is a kid
44:23
So now you're just giving someone else an opportunity to bully you
44:26
You don't know um
44:27
What you're going to say
44:29
You don't know your talking points
44:30
If it's me doing an interview
44:31
You don't know how to start an interview
44:33
Me Lisa
44:33
Okay, so I start writing down
44:35
Everything that this critic in my head is telling me
44:38
And then what I say is
44:39
How do I learn from this
44:42
So if she says to me
44:43
Lisa, you're terrible in front of the camera
44:45
Go cool
44:46
How do I get good
44:48
And that now propels me forward
44:50
How do I get good
44:52
I keep practicing
44:53
So now the negative, the critic
44:55
Has actually now become my coach
44:59
And so that negative voice
45:00
I think held so many of us women back
45:03
I've just reframed the idea
45:05
I listened to her now instead of trying to block her out
45:07
And I use it to propel me forward
45:09
Time and time again
45:11
And it just got to the point where
45:13
Too many times I thought I was an imposter
45:16
And it ended up being an amazing thing
45:18
That I thought I was an imposter
45:19
So let me give you an example
45:22
Someone do you know who Maria Manoonos is
45:24
Yeah
45:25
Okay, so Maria Manoonos is amazing
45:27
I admired her when I was growing up
45:30
I'm quick orthodox, she's weak
45:32
She got to be on the red carpet
45:33
She lives in America
45:34
So that just growing up I was like
45:35
I want Maria Manoonos's job
45:38
And over time as I start to build my own show
45:42
I hear that she's now on the circuit
45:44
And she's doing her own podcast
45:46
And she's doing interviews
45:47
So part of me is like
45:48
Oh my god
45:49
This is my chance to ask Maria
45:52
And then I was like
45:53
At least who do you think you are
45:55
reaching out to Maria
45:56
She's so busy
45:57
Right like
45:57
Or that imposter like
45:58
You can't ask her
45:59
You're gonna get a no
46:00
And so that imposter syndrome led me into predicting
46:03
What the outcome was going to be
46:05
The fact that I predicted
46:06
She would say no will stop her me from asking
46:09
But now going into the critic
46:11
The coach
46:12
I thought
46:13
Okay, Lisa
46:14
You don't want to ask her
46:15
Because you're worried about a no
46:17
But how do you propel that forward
46:19
If she says no
46:20
What are you gonna learn from it
46:21
And so that's exactly what I did
46:23
I reached out
46:24
And she said no
46:25
Scott
46:27
So in the moment
46:28
As she says no
46:30
I go
46:30
Well how can I learn from this
46:33
Okay
46:33
Step number one
46:35
Is don't make excuses
46:36
For the reason she said no
46:38
Just to suit your ego
46:40
And what that meant was
46:41
It was very easy
46:43
For me to slip into
46:44
She doesn't know what she's missing
46:46
Right number one
46:47
Or well
46:48
I don't really want her on any way
46:49
This resonates so much with me
46:52
Don't they're really
46:53
Of course
46:54
Of course
46:55
I mean when you
46:55
When you build anything like this
46:57
You're always
46:58
You're always trying to get
47:00
To the next level of guest
47:01
Right
47:01
You're trying to get to the next level of person
47:03
Or even when you're building a business
47:05
You're like
47:05
How do I get in touch with the CEO of that company
47:07
Why aren't they responding to my emails
47:08
Like it's just a very
47:10
It's very real
47:11
When you're when you're ambitious
47:12
And you're building
47:13
And you're constantly trying to sort of like
47:15
Get to the next thing
47:16
And the next level
47:16
The next person
47:17
The next
47:18
You know
47:19
Slightly more famous guest
47:20
Yeah
47:21
Yeah of course
47:22
This is what's in my life
47:24
So you know exactly what I'm reading
47:26
So the ice you're reaching out
47:28
Was already nerve-wracking
47:30
And then you reach out
47:31
And you get a no
47:32
So that kind of
47:34
Emotion soothing moment
47:36
Where you're like
47:36
Well it's
47:37
They don't know what they're missing
47:38
blah blah blah
47:39
I get why we do that
47:41
But it doesn't propel you forward
47:43
I'm so so go oriented
47:45
That I go
47:45
Does this save me yes or no
47:47
Does this move me towards my goal
47:48
Or away from my goal
47:49
If it moves me towards
47:50
Keep doing it
47:51
If it moves me away
47:52
Stop it
47:52
So I realized
47:53
And me dismissing
47:55
This feedback
47:57
Is not moving me towards my goal
47:59
So I said
47:59
Okay Lisa
48:00
Remove all the excuses
48:01
Let me actually process it
48:02
Do I think
48:03
If Oprah Winfrey reached out
48:05
To Maria Manoonos
48:07
Because also the other thing
48:08
Sorry to just say
48:09
Is we let oh it's not about me
48:11
Maybe it's about you
48:14
And I needed to take off those
48:15
Blinders so I could learn the lesson
48:18
So I basically said
48:19
If Oprah Winfrey reached out to her
48:22
Do I think she would have said yes
48:25
Really sure she would have found a time
48:27
So for me to say it's not about me
48:29
Is actually false
48:30
It absolutely is about me
48:32
Why maybe I'm not good enough yet
48:34
Maybe I'm not big enough yet
48:35
Maybe I don't have enough followers
48:37
Been in the blank
48:37
But the truth is it is about me
48:40
And instead of taking that to heart
48:42
Instead of me
48:43
Going off and licking my wounds
48:44
And saying I can't believe it
48:45
It's like cool
48:47
Word
48:47
I love this
48:48
Now what I'm going to do
48:49
I'm going to spend the next year
48:51
Refining my skill set
48:53
So I can get so damn good
48:55
Maria can't ignore me
48:59
And so I went away
49:00
And I kept waxing on
49:02
And waxing off
49:03
Keep being better today
49:04
Than you were yesterday
49:06
In cremental steps
49:07
And so it got to the point
49:09
Where a year later
49:11
She actually then asked me
49:12
And my husband to go on her show
49:15
And so now I'm on her show
49:16
I'm like cool
49:17
Lisa you've been practicing
49:18
For the last year
49:19
You're going to be so damn good
49:21
That when you're on her show
49:22
She's going to want to come on yours
49:24
And so now when people say
49:26
La
49:26
Think it was Oprah that said
49:27
Actually luck is when
49:28
Opportunity meets preparation
49:30
I had spent that last year
49:32
Preparing
49:34
So when the opportunity arose
49:36
I go on her podcast with my husband
49:38
I smash it out of the park
49:40
Then we reach out to her
49:42
And we ask if she can come on my podcast
49:44
And she said yes
49:46
Funny how that works right?
49:48
Absolutely
49:49
Here's the plot twist though
49:50
Scott
49:51
When I was hanging out with her
49:52
So we end up like meeting
49:54
We got to be friends
49:55
And so one night she's at my house
49:57
And I'm like all right
49:57
She probably doesn't know
49:59
Or remember that she said no to me
50:00
I'm just going to tell her
50:02
So I'm just like
50:03
Do you know that actually you said no to me
50:05
Like a couple of years before
50:06
Or a year before that I finally made
50:08
She's like no
50:10
No I didn't
50:11
Lisa's like I'm telling you
50:12
You said no
50:13
So she's like
50:13
Where was it
50:14
So we start going through the day
50:16
Of when it was
50:18
And it turned out
50:19
That it was the same month
50:20
So I reach out to ask her to come on my podcast
50:22
It was the same month
50:24
She just found out
50:25
Her mom had a stage 4
50:28
Terminal brain panzer
50:30
And a week before that
50:32
She had to put
50:33
She found herself
50:35
Had to brain tumor
50:37
So she turned around to her team
50:39
And said
50:39
If anyone reaches out
50:41
I'm not doing any press
50:42
I'm just going to focus on my health
50:44
So here I am
50:46
Reach now that month
50:49
Now the reason why I love that story
50:51
Is being the ending so much
50:53
Is what if I didn't use that
50:54
No to propel me forward
50:57
Yeah
50:57
I made up a story in my head
50:59
About me not being good enough
51:01
Which still propelled me forward
51:04
But what if I'd listen to that
51:06
What if I listen to omari
51:07
Doesn't think I'm any good
51:08
So I shouldn't try
51:10
I've made up an entire story in my head
51:13
So how many times do we make up a story in our head
51:15
Of why we get a no
51:16
Or why we failed
51:19
And it doesn't actually help
51:21
So that became almost just like the final staple
51:24
In my confidence tool belt
51:26
Or someone says no
51:27
Don't make it about me
51:29
Use it to propel me forward
51:31
In any way I possibly can
51:33
And just reframe
51:35
Retail myself a different story
51:36
That is going to keep me moving forward
51:38
But I don't actually know the truth
51:40
I love this
51:41
Thank you
51:42
Thank you
51:42
That's amazing
51:45
I know that
51:46
I know that
51:48
We covered a lot about the book
51:50
We covered a lot about
51:51
You know really
51:52
Just everything that you've put in
51:54
Since the first
51:55
This is the first version of it
51:57
The last thing I just really wanted to pull out
51:59
Which I think is very important
52:01
Because it's something that you
52:03
Struggled with
52:04
Thought about
52:05
Ruminated on
52:06
I just mentioned it
52:07
It was the fact that
52:08
You chose not to have children
52:10
And this is something that I think
52:12
Just massively
52:13
Impacts women
52:15
And their career trajectory
52:16
And their ability
52:17
To build something from scratch
52:19
Should I have kids
52:20
Should I not
52:21
How much time I'm going to have to take off
52:22
Whatever it is
52:23
I think we should end with that
52:25
Lesson or that thought
52:26
Because I think that would probably be
52:28
The one thing that
52:30
As a woman listening to this
52:32
It's almost a universal
52:35
societal pressure
52:36
That they have to deal with at some point
52:38
Whether or not they have kids or they don't
52:40
Yeah
52:41
I didn't even question
52:42
Whether I thought I was going to have kids or not
52:43
Because going back to
52:44
Why I thought I believed in God
52:46
It was the same thing
52:47
Like I was told I was going to get married
52:48
And have kids
52:49
And so I just assumed
52:50
It never dawned on me
52:51
I could actually question it
52:53
And so in building quests
52:54
And being thrust into this
52:56
Crazy fast start up
52:58
I started to finally feel good about myself
53:01
I started to build my own confidence
53:03
Day after day after day
53:05
And that's when I started to get in
53:06
To with what I wanted
53:07
And that's where I started to ask questions
53:09
Everything about my life and my assumptions
53:11
And so
53:11
Kids became a big staple in that
53:14
And so asking myself
53:15
Anonymous
53:15
You said that you want four kids
53:17
Do you actually want children
53:19
Like actually allow yourself to ask the question
53:22
And I didn't have to tell anybody else
53:24
This was just my internal dialogue
53:25
That I needed to work through first of all
53:27
And so the question was
53:29
Is I actually really wanted kids
53:31
But I also really wanted to be an entrepreneur
53:34
And I loved business
53:35
So I
53:37
Realistically just took off all my blinds
53:39
And says what does life look like
53:41
In multiple options
53:43
With my multiple options I have ahead of me
53:45
Number one
53:46
I can quit
53:47
Quest and I can go and get pregnant
53:49
And be a stay at home wife
53:51
What does an average Wednesday look like
53:54
In my life if I was to do that
53:55
And the reason why I say an average Wednesday
53:57
Is I think so many of us can get
53:59
Up in an idea
54:00
An idea of
54:01
I want to be an entrepreneur
54:03
Because oh my god
54:04
The idea of being able to
54:05
Build my own world
54:07
And then help people
54:08
And help my family
54:09
And give my mom
54:10
The house she's always dreamed about
54:12
You can get
54:13
Alled up in that vision
54:15
Of what the end goal will look like
54:17
But the truth is
54:18
That isn't what life is like
54:20
Every single day
54:21
Every single day you're in the mess
54:24
So I like to paint a pictures
54:26
On an average Wednesday
54:28
So what does an average Wednesday look like
54:30
If I leave quest
54:31
And I'm a full-time stay at home wife
54:34
What does my life look like
54:35
If I decide to do both
54:37
Because the reality is
54:39
Someone incredible that I admire so much
54:41
Is Sarah Blakely
54:42
She was able to do both
54:43
She actually has four children
54:45
She's married to a crazy entrepreneur
54:47
And she has around billion dollar business
54:49
So I look at her and go
54:50
I know it's possible
54:52
But do I want to
54:54
Is that an alignment
54:56
With how I want to live my life
54:58
On an average Wednesday
55:00
And the truth is no
55:01
My personality is I have to go
55:03
All in
55:04
I want to freaking rush it
55:05
In anything that I set my mind to
55:07
And so for me
55:08
Zero judgment is
55:09
I didn't want to juggle into both
55:12
Then there was the other bucket of
55:13
I could decide not to have children
55:16
And go all in on business
55:18
Okay what does that look like
55:19
What does an average Wednesday look like there
55:21
Once I just looked at all of my buckets
55:24
I just decided
55:25
The one without kids is the one that fed
55:27
My vision of what I want in life
55:29
And how I love to live my life
55:31
Every single day
55:32
But that doesn't mean I didn't have to mourn
55:35
The idea of being a mother
55:36
I did
55:37
And that was the last important piece
55:39
Is I didn't want to pretend
55:41
No no no I freaking love it in business
55:43
And screw kids
55:44
That wasn't true
55:45
The truth was
55:47
Is that I wanted children
55:48
But I just wanted to be in business more
55:51
So I had to grieve
55:53
The mother
55:54
I thought I was going to be
55:56
And that men
55:57
Haven't to grieve the idea
55:58
That I won't be pregnant
55:59
And she'll baby
56:00
Growing inside me
56:01
That was something I was really excited about
56:03
I also had to grieve the idea
56:05
That I wasn't going to have a little time running about
56:07
Which I love the idea of it
56:09
Have a little girl
56:10
That I could empower
56:11
All of these things
56:13
I had to grieve
56:15
And then I had to process
56:17
What if I change my mind
56:19
Again what I'm doing here
56:21
I'm breaking it down for you
56:22
I'm just taking off those blinders
56:24
And I'm saying all of these are possibilities
56:26
And realities
56:28
So how do I make sure
56:30
I continuously move towards my goals
56:32
The thing that falls me up
56:34
On my path to a mission
56:35
Without judging myself
56:37
And without regret
56:40
And so
56:40
How I then
56:42
No, no, no, I was going to say
56:43
I say you give yourself agency
56:45
To constantly evolve
56:47
No one has to be stuck
56:49
With the version of themselves
56:51
Even they were last week
56:52
I think it's so powerful
56:53
Outside the context of
56:55
Having children, motherhood, whatever
56:57
Amazing
56:59
And like anything you do in life
57:01
There's going to be a trade-off
57:03
So in fact
57:04
My husband asked me yesterday
57:06
On his show
57:07
Blatantly the first question is
57:08
What do you think most women should do
57:10
And I was like
57:11
I don't think women should do anything
57:13
But the truth is
57:15
Biology make sure that we procreate
57:18
So I think fundamentally
57:19
Most women
57:21
Won't feel complete unless they have children
57:23
Now I'm saying that as a woman
57:25
That decides not to have children
57:27
But I don't hush away my biology
57:30
I accept it
57:31
And so I accept the fact
57:33
That I'm going to form moments of
57:34
Broodiness where I want a child
57:36
I'm going to accept the fact
57:38
That they're going to be moments
57:40
Maybe when I get older
57:41
That I'm going to regret not having children
57:43
If that's true
57:44
What am I going to do about it?
57:46
I won't beat myself up
57:47
For having made that choice
57:49
Because I've done it with my blinders off
57:51
I know what that looks
57:52
Makes my future look like
57:54
And the truth is
57:55
Is that over time I've realized
57:57
What I really love
57:58
Is the feeling of nurturing
58:01
And I don't need to have my own children
58:02
In order to nurture
58:04
And so that's where it became
58:05
I have other options
58:07
But I never want to regret
58:09
Giving my life over
58:11
To something that doesn't
58:13
Actually fulfill me up
58:14
In the now
58:16
And so that is why I ended up deciding
58:18
Not to have children
58:19
I spoke to my husband
58:20
We had a very lengthy
58:22
lengthy conversation about it
58:24
But no matter what you decide
58:25
Whether you decide to have kids
58:27
And be in business
58:28
Whether you decide to not have kids
58:30
Whether you decide to be the stay at her wife
58:32
And you actually don't want the business
58:34
You know
58:34
There's a trade-off at everything
58:37
There's a trade-off of your own a relationship
58:39
And your married to an entrepreneur
58:40
And the trade-off is
58:42
Is that I
58:43
Personally, I love
58:44
The fact that Tom's ambitious
58:46
I find it attractive
58:47
And I find it a turn on
58:49
But I don't love
58:50
That I don't get to see him
58:51
Monday to Friday
58:51
Except for business
58:53
But that's the trade-off
58:54
Of being married to someone
58:55
That's an entrepreneur that's ambitious
58:57
I recognize the trade-off
58:58
I do it with my eyes wide open
59:00
And then I move
59:02
I love it
59:03
Okay
59:04
Where do you want people to go
59:06
Connect with you
59:07
I mean, book is everywhere
59:09
You get books, Amazon
59:10
I'm sure
59:11
Any story you can go buy books
59:14
What's a social?
59:14
What's a website?
59:15
I mean, impact theory
59:16
Impact theory for women
59:17
Or women of impact
59:19
On YouTube
59:21
Anything else
59:21
We'll drop it on the show notes
59:23
But let me know
59:23
Yeah, Lisa Billy on Instagram
59:26
I am very much
59:28
In my IG stories
59:29
I show literally on a day to day
59:32
The things that I struggle with
59:33
I've got massive health issues
59:36
Problems in my marriage
59:37
Problems in my business
59:38
I just give like a real life account of it
59:40
Because I never want someone to think
59:42
That problems go away
59:45
And I'm just a realist
59:46
And it's like I think the truth is more empowering
59:48
To tell people what
59:50
Actually, you know
59:51
No BS, this is what it takes
59:53
So my IG story is at least a billion
59:55
And then I, yeah
59:56
My podcast women of impact is on YouTube
59:58
And if you're listening to audio
1:00:00
That's where I pour my heart and soul into it
1:00:01
Because I feel like
1:00:03
It's a place where women can really express
1:00:05
Their vulnerabilities
1:00:07
And I just empower them though
1:00:09
To keep going
1:00:10
And so I try to
1:00:12
I liken it to like
1:00:13
I like to light a fire under someone's ass
1:00:15
And so that's really what my show is