Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 72: how to alchemize creative envy

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72: how to alchemize creative envy · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  Hello, my darling. I love my angel. I do not have much time and I have to share this with you
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  I woke up with this idea and I was like I just need to I just need to do it and please be
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  aware that I'm new to the whiteboard so there may be some mistakes some errors and we're just
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  gonna celebrate that every single time it happens we're gonna be like absolutely fuck yes go on okay
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  so this idea if you are noticing a gap between your desired reality and your current reality
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  which I mean isn't that all of us we all have desires dreams wishes that are unfulfilled
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  and I also love to focus on dreams and desires that are not purely rooted in the self
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  but really have a collectivist bend to it so if you have a dreamful community if you have a dream
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  for creativity and creative expression but you want that expression to actually support
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  other people not just enrich or fulfill yourself that is what we are talking about here we're not
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  really talking about purely selfish egoic desires so the willingness gap because you are so
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  soulful and so divine and so powerful I want to ask you this question do you see people
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  living your dream reality they're expressing themselves they're taking up space they're making
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  moves creatively visibility wise in ways that you feel so cool to do but you struggle to embody
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  I call this the willingness gap because there is a gap between your desired reality and not your
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  current reality okay but what your current reality would ask of you in order to embody that
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  desired reality that is the gap so let's just draw that okay it's time to demonstrate my okay
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  great so we have where you are now which is your current reality okay let's just
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  we're just gonna do what we can oh let me move my hand okay so we have the current reality
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  is it a block is that how one would visually represent it I'm not so sure and then oh my gosh
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  the pen broke okay then we have the desired reality oh my gosh no it's all good it's all good okay we
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  have the desired reality let's make red more the color of passion rather than the color of danger
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  just pretend okay it's all things so we have the current reality and the desired reality now of
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  course there's a gap between these things but that's fine that's okay but what we want to talk about
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  is the gap between what the current reality asks us to be to do in order to embody the desired
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  reality and become it okay to align ourselves to it and you might think this is purely a gap in
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  doing right I need to do more I need to post no I need to create more I need to share more I need to
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  be reaching out to more people sending more emails applying to more grants that's actually only one
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  piece of the divine puzzle this came to me as a matrix okay so we have doing and then we also have
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  being this is the classic Yin and Yang phenomenon of feminine and masculine but then what do we also
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  have we have giving and we also have receiving okay okay so my darling my love my angel when you see
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  someone who you envy in some way please let's first of all thank them they are your guide they are
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  your teacher they are here to help you integrate the part of you that desires more of what they're
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  embodying and also heal the part of you that does not feel worthy unless they have it oh my goodness
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  what did she say what did she say listen to that again the purpose of anyone you envy or you
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  compare yourself to or you wish you were more like they are here to do two things number one as
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  a guiding light to walk you closer towards the integrity of your desire okay they're taking up
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  space in a way you desire and you envy them you're like oh should be me that envy is like okay I
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  need to integrate and walk towards this desire but over here with spiritual beings we always want to
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  go deeper they're also here ironically paradoxically mystically to help you heal the part of you that
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  feels they simply will not be good enough unless they get that thing unless they get the followers
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  unless they get the relationship whatever it is so it's a beautiful paradox they walk you closer
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  towards the desire and also they shine a light from the part of you that needs to heal so that
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  you're not so attached to the desire that you don't feel worthy of all the beautiful things of
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  this universe without it and you know that's a secret for another video so we have this matrix
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  and these pins are letting me down because something is happening with them and that's all right
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  but essentially if you see someone embodying your desired reality you ask yourself these four
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  questions what are they willing to do that I'm not willing to do if you ask yourself this of
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  every person you envy okay and I'm talking about creative envy visibility envy project envy
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  relationship envy I'm not so much talking about beauty standards white supremacy sexism
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  ableism it's all connected but I'm not really talking about like lifestyle envy or the surface of
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  envy I'm talking about those kind of soul envies like I envy that they're on their souls mission
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  I envy that they're in the spaces I want to be in I envy that they're creating the things that I
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  want to create I envy the way that they're you know receiving the visibility the validation that
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  I crave having okay those types of envies so what are they willing to do that I am not willing to
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  do babes just this question alone if you ask yourself that with your fullness of heart and self
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  you will optimize every single form of envy into more alignment with your vision or into more
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  honesty about what you need to release as a desire because so often we want the end result but we
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  don't want the process oh my word it's so true isn't it so let's say you see someone is this
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  below okay it's fine you see someone and they've written the book okay so they have the book
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  launch and then there is their process or you envy this this is the shining light but do you envy
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  the process they followed to write the book if the answer is a little like I envy the fact that
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  they learned so much that they sat with resistance that they created something meaningful that they
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  got to do all that research that they got to interview all those people excellent oh my word
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  beautiful let's then this is your journey this is your path but what does the ego do oh they wrote
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  a book I want to write a book do you actually want to write a book or do you want to have written a
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  book hmm if you put it that way they're willing to do something I'm not willing to do beautiful
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  I can release a desire it's a surface desire it's not a so deep desire when you see someone
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  and they're interviewing someone every week on their podcast and you actually admire the
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  process of them doing that you're not envying just the fact that they won an award for podcasting
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  what even is that you envy the fact that they get to spend their time reading you can hear mine
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  reading books by people they admire and then interviewing them oh so you envy the process oh
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  oh ding ding ding okay that's a so deep desire so you envy the process oh you envy that okay
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  beautiful great excellent so you're going to integrate that so then you ask yourself what are they
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  willing to do that I'm not willing to do and let's just stay here for a second because for the fear
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  being seen for example and for creative fears the fear of starting the fear of launching something
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  so often the same things that our work is asking us to do we're actually unwilling to do so I'll
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  give you an example for myself I love my podcast is also on if you are here you are in it so
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  welcome and please stick around you can leave it but it will never leave you unless you wanted to
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  respectfully and consensually with boundaries and love and light so I like love my podcast
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  and at the same time I found there are edges that I'm not I don't seem to be willing to cross for
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  it so there are people who have on the external side more successful podcasts but when I think
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  about it there are things they're willing to do that I'm sometimes not willing to do for example
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  putting clips all over TikTok that's something that I've felt a little bit blocked by so I
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  haven't been willing to do that and an even deeper example because I have done that a few times
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  is some people will take the most scandalous part of the podcast it wasn't even about that they're
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  willing to take the most viral clip of their episode even if it puts them in a bad light
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  and post it because they know that's going to gain more people into their world and into their
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  podcast oh ding ding ding there's something they're willing to do that I'm not willing to do
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  so I ask myself this with anyone I ever envy what are they willing to do that I'm not willing to do
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  okay you have received that message but now there's another question because everything we do
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  flows from who we are so then you ask yourself oh what are they willing to be that I'm not willing to
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  oh okay willingness gap they're willing to be patient there willing to be devoted
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  they're willing to be persistent they're willing to be committed they're willing to be disciplined
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  they're willing to be self forgiving this is a missing piece of creativity in order for you to
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  create your life's work you need to forgive yourself for all that you weren't able to create
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  in order to be a devoted creator you need to be able to forgive yourself for all the ways that
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  your vision did not come to life exactly the way you were hoping because there's that gap and
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  there's a lot of artists that speak about this my best friend told me Zadie Smith has spoken
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  about this and then also Elizabeth Gilbert so this is this idea of self forgiveness as a key aspect
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  of the creative life okay so who are they willing to be that I'm not willing to be I think patience
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  is a very good example a lot of us we have dreams and then we're like oh yes I'd love to write
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  the book they wrote are you willing to be patient are you willing to be the kind of person who
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  can sit with discomfort over yours people who write books some of them it takes them years
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  are you willing to be brave are you willing to be self forgiving are you willing to be devoted
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  and disciplined are you willing to be uncomfortable now that's a big question you should write that
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  down because that question are you willing to be uncomfortable for this dream that's one of the
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  biggest willingness oh my word what is going on I'm obsessed I love this moment right here right
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  now okay so that's a big willingness gap they're willing to be uncomfortable anyone you see my love
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  that you admire a speaker a dancer a visual artist an activist that you admire a writer a poet a
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  video maker a screenplay writer just keep going in your own consciousness they are willing to be
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  uncomfortable they are willing to be uncomfortable oh my word what just happened something has just
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  shifted that's very profound I hope you can feel it they are willing to be uncomfortable if that's
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  all you get from this that there's a willingness gap and they're willingness to be uncomfortable
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  on my word you'll be you'll be you'll be divine you'll be pressured I mean no you are divine you'll
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  be you'll be good to go go freely I love you come back though okay if it speaks to your heart
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  and so okay so that's a gap in their being now let's talk about the giving and receiving gap but
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  they flow together all of these doing and being flowed together giving and receiving it's like
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  they're in and young it's a circle right it's a wholeness it's a oneness it's a spectrum it's a
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  it's a like tut tut tut tut tut I give to receive and I receive to you know what I mean you
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  understand what I'm saying so what are they willing to give that I'm not willing to give you
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  know what's so funny my darling's my love my angels is we are taught to envy what people's
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  oh I got it oh my word okay something that I think is so interesting my life's oh my word and
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  please oh my gosh we are taught to envy what people receive but not necessarily what they give
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  we are taught to envy what people receive and not necessarily what they are taught to give so we
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  fixate on being in the end of the desire of receiving what we want to receive but we actually
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  don't fixate on the giving this is why I believe deeply in manifestation and my approach to
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  manifestation is very rooted in creativity the creative process and surrendering to the process
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  itself who do you think will be more successful a writer who's fixated on receiving accolades
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  receiving applause receiving gratitude receiving appreciation receiving approval or writer who's focused
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  on editing writing giving their wisdom giving their value giving their meaning giving their stories
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  giving their creative process you know what I mean giving giving giving giving okay so if we want
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  to receive something we have to ask ourselves what am I willing to give and because I believe in
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  soulful creation it's like can I give from the deepest part of me because only then will I receive
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  all that is an alignment with that if I share my light from the most rooted place we only
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  arise rooted soulful visibility guide all about the fear of being seen getting such beautiful
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  feedback on it it's yours below for free if you would like it so if we can focus on what am I
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  willing to give there is something that the person that you envy is willing to give that you
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  are not willing to give perhaps hey think about it what are they willing to give maybe you're afraid
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  people will copy you I don't I don't want to I don't want to give my ideas people my copy me so
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  then you don't give as much but then you don't receive as much so if you're afraid of giving
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  if you have a giving block you necessarily have a receiving block okay clear into it but now what's
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  also funny is many of us don't realize we have a gap in our willingness to receive you might think
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  that's completely ridiculous I do not have that if you were to give me all that I wanted if it were
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  to walk into the door right now I'd have open arms and open heart and then I ask you okay if
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  insert your desire landed in your heart right now lean landed in your lap right now the dream
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  experience the dream visibility the dream money the dream relationship it landed in your lap
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  right now would you fully be able to receive it and you might say absolutely but then I try to give
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  you a compliment and then we see what happens next babes we have receiving gaps we have receiving
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  blocks when we as like soulful sensitive beings we may give the compliment from the deepest part of
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  our heart but are we willing to receive it can we sit in the feeling of someone loving on us
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  and not feel the need immediately to give we can be givers but can we receive and if you are blocked
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  from receiving pleasure in any domain of your life receiving love receiving compliments you will
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  have a block to receiving your dream and your desire it's all connected so practice receiving
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  even just the words I've been saying them thank you I receive that
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  someone compliments you thank you I really receive that thank you so much I truly receive that
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  now I have this block sometimes when people send me thoughtful messages I lowkey can't read them
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  they're like I love your work thank you so much and I love these messages and at the same time
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  there is a nervous system block there where I'm like it's scary oh oh oh ding ding ding I have a
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  receiving block I have a gap in my willingness to receive so I need to work on that do some
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  somatic practices release the blocks to receiving because everything we want in this life is going to
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  be accessed through a feeling in our bodies so you might think oh my word I want to be more seen
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  what's being more seen it's a feeling in your body when we have more abundance it's the feeling of
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  feeling secure feeling safe but what if you can't feel that feeling within you can I give you an
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  example of my word gap in the willingness to receive I started a coaching container and it is
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  from my own heart and imagination soul aligned it's called soulful visibility accelerator it's a 12
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  week program and it kicked off yesterday and I love the people that I get to work with it was
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  beautiful but can I tell you how nervous I was yesterday I was a Rick a Rick a Rick and you
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  know what it's so funny because I've been trying to rewire my sense of ease right I want to receive
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  ease but because I worked in the corporate world and I was so stressed and I never felt good enough
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  when I had meetings that I had to present for I would get like debilitated actually I shouldn't
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  use that word I would get extremely nervous like I couldn't sleep properly I would always feel like
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  I wasn't doing good enough and it was a very high pressure environment then yesterday even though
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  I was my own space in the sense that I created it and no one had any sort of extreme expectations of
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  me I created this whole story that people were going to judge me and I could not receive the
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  easefulness of the space so I made it this whole stressful day of I'm not going to be good enough
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  they're going to be disappointed they're going to want to refund this whole and it went beautifully
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  but I couldn't receive the energy of ease it was not in my body to hold I couldn't receive it being
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  easy I wanted it to feel effortless I wanted it to flow it did not why because I have the programming
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  in my body and all of us from childhood from early experiences we have blocks on all of these
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  levels but our block to receiving could be that we don't think it's safe to receive that oh if
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  I feel like it's easy I won't do well so I have to make it hard because that's how I perform
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  and that's how I do well at this that's a receiving block you can actually receive effortlessly
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  you actually my intuition alone is enough I was over preparing I have felt like I'm just not
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  going to do a good enough job receiving block could not receive ease wanted to walk through
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  the portal of my existence into my heart I could not receive it so that's just an example of a
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  receiving gap okay my drawings my loves my angels so which of these four do you feel most cold
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  to really embody at this time is it doing what are they willing to do that I'm not is it giving
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  what are they willing to give that I'm not is it being what are they willing to be that I'm not
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  or is it receiving what are they willing to receive that I'm not oh my word black woman support
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  oh my word and just anyone who relates to this but I my oh my gosh I have the tingles receiving
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  support I have a receiving block to support can I just tell you how deep it is it's a very profound
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  block I'll just do it myself knowing can do it quite like me internalizing hyperindependence because
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  you've witnessed so many black women in your family who have not been supported oh my goodness
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  so you can't receive support because so many of us have not been supported so we've been taught
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  to distrust support because oh my word who oh my word okay so that just had to be expressed
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  and I think the whole video was for that to be said because I have an extreme block to receive
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  support I need support in my business I'm at that point I've been at that point I need more
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  support I have some support but I need more support but I have a receiving block to support I cannot
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  fully receive support and I'm working on it babes but I'm just giving you an example this is the
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  kind of work that we get to do so my darlings my loves my angels ask yourself these four questions
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  what's coming up for you please comment below this was so fun so juicy and I'm really feeling quite
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  excited about the whiteboard and you may not be able to see things perfectly but we're going to
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  grow together that's the gift that's the beauty that's a joy I sent a newsletter last week out to
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  my people please get on the newsletter again you just go you know get the three things and you'll
• 19:42
  be on the newsletter and it was all about the fact that you get to do it imperfectly you get to
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  do imperfectly you get to give imperfectly actually my loves my angels that's a huge one of
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  the willing to do gap some people are willing to be witnessed in their imperfection or my word
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  did the earth just stop some people are willing to be witnessed in their imperfection some people
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  are willing to be imperfect some people are willing to receive also receiving can be receiving feedback
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  receiving criticism because that criticism or that constructive criticism is also going to fortify
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  what you're creating so sometimes we have blocks in terms of that I also have that block
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  so we have these blocks and what is I just saying oh imperfection some people are willing to
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  receive imperfectly you know we may have a receiving block when we refuse for someone to be
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  anything less than perfect we're projecting perfectionism onto them that's going to block
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  your receiving so we can have a block of receiving love receiving support receiving guidance help
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  okay and then we can also have a block in these other ways and giving imperfectly being
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  imperfectly receiving imperfectly doing imperfectly we need to be willing are you willing how could
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  you be a little bit more willing okay my darling my loves my angels I love you so much I'm sending
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  you so much love thank you for stepping into the soul salon you are so sibling what does that mean
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  babes it means we are resonating on the same frequency it means we found each other for a reason for
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  a reason and it means that we are those people in the room who are always seeking to go deeper
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  and someday it's going to happen just putting it out there we will be in the room I claim it we will
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  okay perfect I was thinking of like a soul salon talent showcase how fun would that be
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  this is literally one of those things you say and then happens in like two three years actually
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  no shifts can happen quickly so we'll see but I think that would be so amazing can you imagine
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  the soul salon in person and people sharing their gifts spoken poetry singing dancing performance
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  speaking interviewing oh my word all the others paintings on the walls of your art with little
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  barcodes of how we can follow you and support you oh my word a visionary we love it we love a
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  vision in the soul salon love you so much my darling have a beautiful beautiful week just so you
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  know this I step through the portal of resistance to make this I've been wanting to do this for a
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  while but I felt like it's above me I can't do it and did I not love it oh my word resistance
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  is insistence on the dream dreaming through you the collectivist dreaming through you we cannot
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  wait to receive you cannot wait to hold you we cannot wait to find you so please make yourself
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  findable so we can find you and I'm just sending you all the love in the world I'm sending you all
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  the love in the world I'll see you I honor you and I thank you I love you bye my darling my love my
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  soul sibling thank you for stepping into the soul salon if you are still hearing or watching this
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  we are soul siblings we are resonating on the same frequency and so something you may struggle
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  with that I struggle with is the fear of being seen you know that visibility is involved in you
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  living your creative purpose and being in your power serving the collective through your gifts
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  through your magic through your medicine in order to do that you know you need to be more seen
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  than you are allowing yourself to be right now I have a gift just for you heart made for us on
• 23:10
  this frequency and it is a free ebook called the soulful visibility guide that is soulful visibility
• 23:17
  like we don't just want to be seen we want to be felt we want to be heard we want to move and be
• 23:23
  moved so I do have a free gift for you and all you need to do is go to my website ianderstud.com
• 23:30
  and there you will be able to input your email address and receive this directly to your inbox
• 23:35
  this is such a juicy and delicious guide and I change the free offering every few months so
• 23:42
  you know get it while you can all the links are in the show notes so thank you so much I love you
• 23:47
  and I will see you on the next sole session okay I love you bye