Latest / The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell / iAlign #84 - Switching Cafes Will Not Fix Your Focus

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iAlign #84 - Switching Cafes Will Not Fix Your Focus · The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to the IAline podcast with Flint Mitchell, where I provide stories, resources, and tools for ambitious builders who are ready to gain control over procrastination, overthinking, and distraction.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Unconscious wishing can be one of the most dangerous things that you do.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's why I couldn't be satisfied with my current state of being and why I would keep going back to consumptive and misaligned behaviors like scrolling or YouTube, snacking, or just other forms of avoidance.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I do not confront the unconscious voices in my head and in my heart that wish I was in a different place at any given moment of time for any given reason, no matter how attractive that wish is, I will re-enter the negative feedback loops that continue to lead me to misaligned and consumptive behaviors.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is what led me to constantly rotate between different work environments, but never truly establish focus in any of them.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of a time when I was in my office in Pleasanton, California.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was working as a research scientist in the genetic sequencing field.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a quiet office with windows and yellow beige walls with the two other guys that I worked with.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: We actually called it the meat locker because it was full of dudes and there was no fresh air.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: That said, we weren't normally in it because we were usually down in a lab building or doing experiments.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it was 2 p.m.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: on a Wednesday during the summer.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: The skies were clear blue with a perfect, not too hot afternoon.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I was on Surfline looking at the surf in Santa Cruz.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: For those of you who don't know, Surfline is an online feed of video cameras of local surf breaks, so you can check the waves without having to drive there and look yourself.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: They had a color scheme that showed how good the waves were at any given moment in time.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: It went from blue meaning bad to yellow, orange, and then red meaning the best, or maybe it was purple.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Orange was like, yeah, if you can go, you should go.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Red was more like, you should call in sick from work.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: The waves are good.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And for this day that I was recollecting, it was red.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was like go surf.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And on that small six-inch window browser open on my laptop in a stale office, I was watching people just fly across seven or nine foot walls of cold water on a crisp summer day.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt anxious.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Really anxious.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I wished that I was anywhere but in that office.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I even liked my job.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was rad.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: I did cool shit with smart colleagues.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I contributed to some legit patents in a field of research that I'm passionate about.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: But compared to the waves on my screen in that moment, all I wanted to do was be anywhere else.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just sat there, staring at my screen.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I eventually moved to probably Instagram to numb the discomfort, proceeding to do quite literally no work the rest of the day.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I skipped my workout later, I went to a happy hour with my colleagues because at least that made it feel like I was doing something, right?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: In my mind, the beer or two probably helped the anxiousness.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, it did not, it just contributed to the blubber that was around my waist and starting to build up from these kind of moments.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I tried a couple of things in order to make myself feel better in these kind of moments back then.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I would switch my environment every couple hours, right?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I thought if I could just change where I am, then I won't have this feeling of staleness.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It will probably actually help my mind with some new air and new surroundings that will stimulate my focus and my energy.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: This just led me to start switching my environment more often than a couple hours, which actually led me to start being more avoidant of my work.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it wasn't the environment, but then I'm just not focused on the right task.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I would think, this task isn't it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I must feel this way because I'm not doing the right thing right now.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I spent time planning and prioritizing and organizing, trying to make sure what I was doing in that moment was exactly perfectly right.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Which led me to overthink and get overwhelmed by the fact that almost nothing felt exactly right.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I went straight back to avoidance scrolling.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if it wasn't the environment or the prioritization, maybe I just needed to better optimize the environment I'm in and the way that I approach these feelings.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought, if I just set myself up better, I'll be able to lock into my focus.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: No problem.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so I meditated a little more regularly.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I tried quiet or classical music, I turned my phone off, I set up timers, etc.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll give credit where credit is due.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Some of that stuff helped, and it continues to help.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I still implement some of these tools.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: But in that moment I was questioning all these optimizations because sometimes I was just straight back onto Surfline, straight back onto YouTube, onto my phone, avoiding the work that I knew I needed to do and also wanted to do, to be clear, like I wanted to do this work.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I thought, well, if those things aren't right, I just need to remind myself of where I'm headed and why this work is important in my career and my future.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: The possible promotions, the papers, the patents, and the money that I would get in the future or make in the future.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: But that further exacerbated my unease because now all I was doing was spending my time thinking about the future and not being in the present moment, which was exactly my issue in that moment.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Wanting to be somewhere or sometime else.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: To explain, let me fast forward.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have dramatically changed my life.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I run my own business, helping people and building tools and technology in a field that I am passionate about.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am in this beautiful place in Aresera, Portugal right now, spending long 10 to 12 hour workdays building.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: My free time is spent in the ocean, on local trails and local yoga classes and saunas, sitting on the beach in the park, on my couch, reading, inspiring interesting books and meeting cool people.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I just spent the last two months in Chile in South America, also in a small surf town doing basically the same thing, building community in different languages, waking up, feeling free, in good shape, right, with a strong heart and the strength to pursue the physical activities that I love.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel so privileged for all of this.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong, I have had many anxieties and worries and continue to from building my own business.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's still a high-risk venture.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: That is a complete bet on myself with lots of twists and turns as I learn how to grow a business by doing tons of things I have no experience in, let alone am not good at.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But life is good and free and fun.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And something funny happened recently that actually inspired me to write this story, which was when I was in my first week here in Aerosera a couple weeks back, I found myself sitting in this coffee shop looking at Airbnb instead of working.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And before that moment, I had moved between two different other cafes because my home office was feeling a bit stale.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: The first cafe didn't have Wi-Fi, so I moved to the next one, even though for the work I was doing, I didn't actually need Wi-Fi.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Recognize the pattern.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the difference between now, in this moment, and the story I told earlier is that now I understand this pattern.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know it especially well as an adventurous person because I have used Airbnb and travel websites basically compulsively before in order to avoid the current moment, just like I was using Surfline in that previous story, subconsciously living vicariously through those waves streaking across my laptop.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the point.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Even if I was in a beautiful place, like here in Portugal, even if I had freedom and time and was working on something I loved and I was healthy and happy and I was loved and loving and reading and all of it, even if life felt so perfect in so many ways, my mind was falling into the pattern of wishing I was somewhere else.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not in a big, loud, conscious, yelling way, but under the surface, because of small things.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the Wi-Fi wasn't perfect.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was jet lagged from the plane flight, feeling a bit lonely because I was in a new place where I knew no one.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was bloated from the late sleep and the relatively poor nutrition, from the plain meals and the on-the-go food from the travel and the caffeine and maybe a little less water than I would have liked to have stayed hydrated.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was a bit insecure in that moment from not having reached the heights of the success that I want to yet.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Plus many other things.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: There were many emotions and small obstacles that I faced in that moment.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And because I wasn't acknowledging them and accepting that they were true, not necessarily bad, but true under the surface, my mind was leading me to want to be somewhere else.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Even if right where I was was perfect.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is perfect.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not because it actually is, right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: If I was perfectly hydrated and fed and slept and rolling in beds of hundred dollar bills and flying on private jets or whatever, it would theoretically be better.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the point here.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing that where you are right now is the perfect place to be is an internal decision and a mindset and not a result of external factors.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Even on that private jet with that Fortune 500 company with 8% body fat and all that stuff in that hypothetical situation, my back might hurt.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: My friends might be upset with me.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hell, I might not have as good of friends as I wanted to.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: The responsibility of that business might overwhelm me, etc.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: There is no external situation that precludes suffering.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I became aware of myself again in that moment that I was talking about, and I laughed at myself.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was sitting there with a bit of a sunburn after laying in the sun with a cappuccino on the beach.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I had made some new friends the day before, and we went and had food and walked around.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: We laughed as we walked and watched adorable old hunched-over vovos and vovos and grandpas and grandmas in Portuguese.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I still have no idea how to pronounce either of those words or why they're different.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Regardless, they were walking down these thin cobblestone streets with their tan, stretched skin that I'm sure were the product of thousands of past laughs and stories, walking down the same streets they probably walked down for years.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I just explored a new town with massive orange-brown cliffs and small white buildings with orange roofs and bright blue accents.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: There were these massive dark blue-green waves from a recent windstorm.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: The breeze was cold and the sun was warm.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I had a full day of work that I was excited to pursue.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Life was fantastic in that moment, and I was unconsciously anxious, trying to escape it.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that anxiousness that I felt in that moment that led me to an avoidant behavior came from needing to feel like where I was in that moment was perfect.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: If it didn't feel perfect, my subconscious started wishing I was somewhere else.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Even if where I was was perfectly fine and good, or even if it was fantastic, like I just mentioned.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is why we insert ourselves into videos and images on social media and over plan and overthink and over-prioritize and over-optimize, and why we lose our focus and our effectiveness.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because under the surface, we allow discomforts, from massive discomforts to even the most trivial and small ones, to allow us to wish we were somewhere else.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: But the anxiousness wasn't caused by my environment or by the task.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was caused by my internal state in reaction to them.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are no external situations in life of extended contentment and pleasure.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: None of them.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Not for you, not for me, not for the richest men on earth, not for the fittest man on earth, right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not for the most successful person on earth.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need proof, think about this.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: No matter how you, me, or those other three examples are right now in this moment, they and us, we will all die.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: We will all go through tragedy and situations that lead to the end of their and our lives.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And on the way there, we will and they will likely endure tragedy and loss and discomfort.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even if they're sitting in a plushy chair in a villa overlooking the sea, we will always feel some level of discomfort every single day, right?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it is minor.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that discomfort is not always a sign that something is wrong.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Much of the time it is just a part of the human experience.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: If while I am here in Aerisera, I spend the time working, wishing I was out exploring, it may sound rational because I'm in a cool new place.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: But then I am spending that time wishing it was a future moment, in a different moment, in a different place, and I lose the present one.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I have time set aside to explore.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: But if I don't focus on my work during my work hours, I'll have a higher likelihood of spending my free time, my free adventurous time thinking about the work I didn't do.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I am inclined to do that, even if I do spend my focused hours working, because there is always more work to do, to feel uncomfortable about that it didn't get done.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: This wishing sounds rational because it is us wanting not to experience discomfort.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yet it is the cause of the discomfort.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: The reality is that if I choose to stay inside in this apartment and work all six weeks of the time that I'm here in Portugal, even if I saw nothing new here and didn't adventure or explore at all, even if I came home and people were like, Wow, who did you meet?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Where did you go?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: What did you see?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, My clients and my work, the gym, yoga studio in my office, my laptop, my books on the back of my eyelids while I was sleeping.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: They might respond, Wow, what a waste of a trip.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't you want to go explore and do new things?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't that uncomfortable being in such a cool place and not experiencing any of it?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I could say, Yeah, it was a bit uncomfortable sometimes, but that was the way I decided to spend my time, and therefore it was the perfect way to spend my time.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is not the lack of the perfect location or the perfect work or the perfect relationships or adventures or hobbies out of it.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: It is the subconscious wishing that I was somewhere else doing something else or in another time because the experience of some current discomfort leads me to re-enter the negative feedback loops filled with misaligned consumptive behaviors and anxiety.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So now, here in Portugal, I recognize that the root of the issue is wishing.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a bit sore right now.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't surfed as much as I would like, I haven't explored as much as I would like yet, I have not finished quite as much work as I would like while I'm here, or met as many people as I would like to yet.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: So many of these things are causing me minor, medium, or even major levels of discomfort.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: But it is my choice to decide whether where I am right now in this moment is okay or not.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And for now, I have decided that it is.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: There is no more correct place than here and now.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that thought extends to all things.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: When I am cleaning dishes or taking out the trash here in my Airbnb or doing boring administrative work that I wish that I had already delegated.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: If something needs to be done, I do my best to decide that it is the most correct and the most enjoyable thing I could be doing right now.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is it.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: There could be someone wandering around giving out free money.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: There could be a massive local festival.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, there is today, right?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: There could be perfect ways with no one out.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is still the most correct place for me to be.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking to you.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing else compares.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: There is no reason to wish I was somewhere else.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when this moment is over, I can decide what to do next.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: But right now, I am here.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And when I remind myself of that, my mind changes.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: It stops fighting.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: I actually feel my shoulders drop a little bit.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: My mind accepts that this is what we are doing.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: It stops trying to escape and it follows.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where you fight back, right?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not true for things that are not enjoyable or unproductive.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can't just delude yourself into enjoying everything.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: What if I'm in a dead-end job?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: You want me to just accept a life of boredom?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: You still choose what is enjoyable.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you tell yourself something sucks, it will always suck.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So think about the last time you did something boring and after a few minutes you got into it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and then time passes.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then it becomes somewhat enjoyable because the feeling of focus is enjoyable.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then you felt good afterward because it was productive.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: It became enjoyable when you stopped fighting it.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because we can find enjoyment, true enjoyment, legitimate pride and fulfillment in mundane tasks if we allow ourselves to.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoyment is a decision and not an inherent trait of an activity or behavior.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Think through the opposite to prove my point, right?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: You go out with your friends and you do something fun, you're at the bars, you're at an event, you're at a music festival, whatever it is.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Halfway through, you want to go home.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: You think, man, I wish I stayed in so I could get some better sleep tonight.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Wishing again.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: I agree, it is not okay to stay in a misaligned position or life forever.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: The point here is not to be satisfied with a shit situation.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in a position that you want to change, you should work toward changing it.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: But during the moments where you have something to do that you don't exactly want to do.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you fight yourself on those things, that is still a decision.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Every job has its boring parts.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it is your choice whether you accept those parts or resist them.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about long-term delusion.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: It is about removing the fight with your mind's desire to be somewhere else.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the longer that I go down this path, the things I used to avoid became more enjoyable.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because I spend more of my time improving my situation instead of escaping.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Even when improving my situation means doing things I don't love or am not good at or am uncomfortable while doing.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: If I continue to wish I was somewhere else, I will fight my mind and move toward behaviors that numb the feeling.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: If I decide that I am in the right place doing the right thing, I can be present.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can forget about the fact that there was a beautiful sunset that I didn't just watch right behind me.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I give myself a higher probability of feeling fulfilled and content, no matter what discomforts are present.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are in a physical or emotional place, like I was in that stale office, just wishing that I was somewhere else and doing something else, leading myself away from my focus, my peace, my presence, and toward consumptive behaviors like scrolling or snacking and avoiding, I highly recommend you make just one small change.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Take a postcard or a piece of paper or your notes app and just write the following down.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I am in the right place, doing the right thing.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Bring it out and read it a couple times a day.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And see what happens to the present moment when you stop wishing the present moment was gone.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if that grounds you even just a little bit, and you want to learn how to further increase your capacity to move through discomforts so that you spend more time doing the things you want to or intend to without spending so much time hesitating, procrastinating, overthinking, or doubting yourself, reach out.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can help you build more resilient focus so you can spend more of your time efficiently pursuing your goals in a value-aligned, proud way.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed that episode.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've been told your entire life that you're smart and you have potential, but you continue to see yourself not do what you said you would do again and again, and it's made you stop trusting in yourself or that you will ever achieve that potential, I want to help you.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Together, you and I will implement a core value-based system that will help you become decisive and focused.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to feel the relief from the weight on your shoulders because of the decreased noise in your head.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Strength each morning because you trust yourself to turn lost avoidant hours of your life into forward progress.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Peace, when you no longer have to hide how you actually spend your time.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, pride in yourself when you close your eyes every night before you go to sleep.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: If that's of interest to you, click the first link in the show notes, fill out the 30 second application, and grab a time on my calendar.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Spots are obviously limited because of my time and availability, but if they fill up and you're a good fit, I'll make sure you get on the wait list.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to speaking with you.