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The Cost of Being a ‘Good Girl', with Melissa Browne. · The Curve

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0:43
Have you ever heard a guy say, one, I feel uncomfortable with the word wealthy or two, that I am worried that I don't have enough time left to invest.
0:53
A lot of research has actually come out to show that both men and women will outperform the index, but women outperform the men.
1:00
When I was a financial planner, there was not one single heterosexual couple that didn't think it's not worth her going back to work because of Charquez too much of a percentage of her wage.
1:10
At which point I would say, well, that's curious. I thought you were both having the child and it would be a percentage of both of your wages.
1:17
It's genius.
1:18
As soon as a woman owns a dollar more than her partner, her risk of DV goes up like more than 30%.
1:23
Are you joking?
1:24
Things that I would be very careful about is the language of, don't you worry, pretty little head about this, I've got it.
1:30
Are there any other small ones that you can think of?
1:32
I would and I know it's really sad, but I would do a...
1:35
Oh my god.
1:36
Mel, so you're coming to us live live from Sydney as if you're broadcasting in like a journalist for the news.
1:44
One of my favourite cities in the world.
1:47
Yeah, it's gorgeous and I'm in an apartment, I'm looking out at the bridge, like it is a beautiful city.
1:53
Yeah, but can I actually met in Sydney? That's where our friendship blossomed.
1:58
So, Mel, the reason I wanted to get you on today is one of the things that I've absolutely bent my brain trying to think about is the way that we think about, you know, unpaid labour and how mums are not compensated properly.
2:13
I've always thought about this whole thing, but I've had a bug bear with the whole situation, but I haven't really had any solution based insights or thoughts on how we could be doing things better in general.
2:26
So, I'm really excited to be speaking to you today.
2:29
You've worn lots of different hats. You've been an accountant, you've been a financial advisor, author, educator.
2:36
That's obviously quite broad. What is the connecting thread between all of your work?
2:41
I think it's always been wanting to work with women and money.
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So, when I was an accountant, it was helping women build their businesses and create wealth that way.
2:50
When I was a financial advisor, it was, let's, we know that there are gaps with super and business and profitability.
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So, let's make sure we're putting our financial oxage in mask on and building wealth.
3:01
And now as a financial educator, it's the same.
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So, it's rather than me doing it for you, let me show you how to build wealth.
3:09
So, women and money has been the commonality all the way through.
3:13
I've got so much in common over there.
3:16
One of the things that you often talk about is that money is so much more than math,
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which is so ironic that that's what we all think of when we think about math.
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We think about high school, maths and being terrible at algebra and it's just so far from that.
3:31
There's so much emotion, societal, cultural pressures and expectations and like,
3:38
and like, learnt behaviour that come into the way that we all are with money.
3:41
But can you just elaborate on your perspective with this?
3:45
Because I know it's something you speak about quite a lot.
3:47
Yeah, well, it's really interesting because I've been diving into this a lot deeper,
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because I was writing, I've been writing my next book, which comes out next year.
3:56
But the thing that I've really been incredibly interested in is the perspectives we have around
4:04
what we're capable of as women, but also what society thinks we're capable of.
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And I feel like there's this real disconnect around capability and perception.
4:17
So, for example, you mentioned emotion and math.
4:20
And we have this presumption that, you know, if as women, maybe we don't enjoy maths,
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so therefore we're not going to be good as money.
4:27
When one really has got nothing to do with the other, the only commonality is this numbers.
4:32
But a lot of research has actually come out to show that the emotional investors are actually the blocs.
4:39
That women actually behave very unemotionally and in a very balanced way when it comes to investing.
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But the blocs will trade more often.
4:48
They will change their perspective and change their, change how they trade based on what others are saying.
4:55
Because even research come out of the University of Essex that says things that have got nothing to do with finance.
5:02
So if non-financial headlines will make a guy behave emotionally when it comes to investing.
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So I find it really interesting that one of the big things when it comes to women and money is that,
5:16
oh, we're too emotional, when actually the reverse is true.
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And part of the reason I talk about it so much is because we hold all these untruths
5:27
and they absolutely limit us when it comes to being involved in long-term investing decisions and also investing for ourselves.
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You're one of Lime, I'm not good at math or I'm a creative, therefore I won't be good at finances.
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That's a huge one, I think.
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That's a massive one. I think it's selfish to have too much wealth.
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So I'll say that I want to be comfortable or I want to not have that loss of vision.
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I don't want to live in my car. I don't want to be badly off at old age.
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But I don't feel comfortable saying I want to be wealthy. That's a massive one for women.
6:01
Why is that? It's so weird.
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It's really interesting because I had a conversation with a male financial planner this week.
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And I said to him, have you ever heard a guy say, one, I feel uncomfortable with the word wealthy,
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or two, if they're 30, 40, 50, that I am worried that I don't have enough time left to invest.
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It's probably not worth it. And he is not.
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He looked at me like I was a little bit mad.
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And yet there are two things I hear from women all the time.
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In my 40s, I don't think it's worth investing.
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I don't have 10, 20, 30, 40 years.
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Or he's got it all.
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Like there's so many things we hold as women that the blocs simply don't think about.
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Do you find fascinating?
6:46
Yeah, it's so interesting.
6:47
Like how and where have those things come from?
6:50
Well, it's interesting.
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Even the root word money in Italian, in French, I think in Spanish as well, it's masculine.
6:59
Like if you think of our financial system in the Western world,
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it's very patriarchal.
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Even a lot of the words we use.
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So I think it's, is it any wonder that a system set up by the blocs for the blocs
7:14
isn't necessarily going to be inclusive for women.
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And we may have even excluded ourselves from that because of it.
7:23
I mean, there's fidelity research that shows that 93% of men and women
7:28
when asked who was the better investor said men.
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Like this is just something that most of us inherently believe.
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Yet fidelity studies, long-term work, business school studies.
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There's about three or four major long-term studies show that both men and women
7:46
will outperform the index, but women outperform the men.
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So we find it really interesting these beliefs.
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These core beliefs we have are absolutely wrong.
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What are some ways we can reframe those limiting beliefs?
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I feel like it's one thing to pick up on what we're doing wrong.
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And wrong is like whatever is such a subjective word.
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But then where to from that?
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Because we do all sorts of manifestations or refraining about like,
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I am not fat.
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My body is beautiful to like, you know, we do this all the time with all other areas of our life.
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But I've never heard reframed financial mantras.
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What are some ways that we can start speaking to ourselves in a way
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that's positively affirming the fact that we're totally capable?
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So we think even changing the words that we feel comfortable with.
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So we don't have to say we want wealth, but we can say we want choice.
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So I haven't met a single person.
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If I said to them, you know, hey, Sophie, financially, would you like choice?
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Later on, you go, well, of course.
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So it's changing the words we use to make it more comfortable.
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And I think that way it's not manifesting.
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It's just being comfortable with the outcomes that we want.
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But it's also realising, I think women particularly feel like
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we need a lot of money to invest to therefore we self-select out.
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So for example, when it comes to superannuation or retirement funds,
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I don't need to worry about my pool so much because it's a shared pool
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if I'm in a couple when actually we want women to get this idea of
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putting on a financial oxygen mask.
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You know, when you're in the plane, they don't, that's not considered selfish.
9:27
You put your own financial, you put your oxygen mask on
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so that you can then look after others around you.
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When it comes to your finances, we want to have great finances
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so we can have choice so that we can then help those around us
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put on their oxygen mask.
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A beautiful way I've been reframing it for months, for example,
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recently is a lot of months don't believe that kids are going to be able to afford a house.
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Whereas if you knew how to invest, if you could teach your kids how to invest,
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their time, their age is their superpower.
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Like if you invested 250 bucks for 50 years, you would have almost 4 million bucks.
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Like that's life changing money from 250 bucks a month.
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So we think it's realising it doesn't have to be large amounts.
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So the reframe comes both from understanding, oh, okay, so it's creating choice
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and I can help others do it as well.
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But also it's not large amounts, it's not hard.
10:27
I think when we think investing, we think that it has to be complex
10:31
but actually it doesn't really, it doesn't need to be.
10:34
No, yeah, I couldn't agree with you more.
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One of the things that I really wanted to speak to you about was the invisible load
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and all of the unpaid work that women do that's not recognised in the same way
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is no normal quote unquote work.
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How do you define the invisible load?
10:54
And can you also just speak to why you believe that it's such a financial disadvantage to women?
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So it doesn't matter if we've got kits or not and it doesn't matter how progressive we are,
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there are so much stats out around the number of extra hours that women are doing
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compared to men if they're in a heterosexual relationship.
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But even if you're single, that invisible load is often there in that caring load.
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So for example, I've got a girlfriend whose mum's in aged care
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and she's the one looking after the mum, not her brothers, her.
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So you might not have kids, you might feel like yes, we're very equal
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but your siblings might not be equal when it comes to caring for aging parents, for example.
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That's actually a really good point.
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If I think about my stepmom, she has had her mum died recently
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and she's had a really full on for years caring for her as she's gone through.
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Dementure and it's been heartbreaking to watch
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but she has been unbelievable with her mum and you're right,
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she was just the effort and time over and above her brothers
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and it's not to say that they don't love and care for her.
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It's just that the amount she was putting in was just clearly more.
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And that's time then that she can't, she doesn't have then that mental load available
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to think about investing, to think about all these other things
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that perhaps her brothers do.
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And I think two, it's an expectation that we take on
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and I would be curious to see if your stepmom was to have a conversation
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with her brothers to say, hey, I just need you all to take an extra two hours away
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or something.
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But as women, we'll often take that as a no-no.
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This is what's expected of us.
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And I think it falls under that good girl,
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that nice girl, that sadly we are still holding many of this
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and absolutely it sabotages our finances
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because of the invisible load because we don't want to rock the boat in a relationship
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because we don't want to seem like we're selfish
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or we're too grasping, we want too much.
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And I think that nice girl trope really harms us
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and really comes into effect in so many areas of our life, particularly finances.
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So with the finance piece, you mentioned that the time
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has essentially spent thinking and doing other things
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when a partner or sibling has more time to be investing in other ways
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or growing wealth through income or through blah, blah, blah.
13:34
Is that the main way that we would define the sort of financial impacts of that?
13:39
And I love that you spoke about the invisible load being not just something
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within a relationship with kids.
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It's the fact that women very much are in our natural habitat when caring
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and I think that that is inherently good.
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I think that it's beautiful that women care for and go over and above
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for the people that they love.
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But I'd love to dig in more to the way that that means we are not just
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weak to weak month to month but like generationally worse off financially
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because of that.
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It's because we're not putting in the same time and care
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and attention into ourselves.
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And I think it's not to say to your point that we don't want to care for
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but maybe it can be a sharing of the load
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or it might have to be in the same way that I make sure
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that I go to the gym four times a week.
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It might simply be putting a diary appointment in your calendar
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for an hour a week that you do not miss that's just about you doing
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more with your finances.
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So I think it's realizing that the fact that we are caring for
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doesn't mean we also don't care for ourselves.
14:51
Okay, I like that.
14:52
And one of the things that you mention is the fact that couples
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can often view things like and within the invisible load that's obviously
14:59
like washing, cleaning, caring, pickups, all that stuff.
15:03
But that couples often view the child care piece as like
15:07
coming out of her wage.
15:09
Can we just speak to why that is damaging?
15:12
Because when I first was sort of thinking about it,
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I don't understand how and why that's super problematic.
15:17
Yeah, so when I was a financial planner,
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it was two or couples and there was not one single heterosexual couple
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that didn't think this way, which I was stunned.
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And in the end, I was taking notes.
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Like, surely I'm going to get one soon.
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So they would come and they would say, right,
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we either had a child or we're going to have a child
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and the line was almost always,
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it's not worth her going back to work,
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because the child cares too much of a percentage of her wage.
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At which point I would say, well, that's curious.
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I thought you were both having the child
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and it would be a percentage of both of your wages.
15:52
That's genius.
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And they had not considered that.
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And often that had blown both of their minds.
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That they just took it as a percentage of her wage.
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And how it holds you back is one earning capacity
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to the ability to be promoted, et cetera,
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and advance in your job, but also the superannuation
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or a time of money that you're missing out on,
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being contributed for you.
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And again, that's what I, that would be my next thing
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that I would say.
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So please tell me you've thought about not just the missing super,
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but the compounded missing super.
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And it's just too often neglected.
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If you want to stay home, amazing.
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Let that be a choice, not because it's too high percentage of hers.
16:37
Gosh, that's good.
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And for anyone who's not based in Australia,
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super is Kiwi Saver in New Zealand
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and it's pension in the UK.
16:44
Yeah.
16:45
Yeah, it's your retirement saving.
16:46
So I think that's a really interesting next point
16:50
is when it comes then to this idea
16:54
that is something you're really trying to pioneer
16:56
and like encourage lots of couples
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to think about as the idea of super splitting.
17:01
Why is that super impactful?
17:05
And why do you think that that isn't more widely practiced
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or like required?
17:11
You know, like, wouldn't it just be almost something
17:13
that government put in place where it's like,
17:15
oh, you're a maternity leave, perfect.
17:17
Register your partner's name automatically
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or has super gets split into and sent into your account as well.
17:22
So Sophie, we just had elections in Australia.
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If I was PM, this is what I would mandate,
17:28
exactly what you just suggested.
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I do not understand why it is not a thing.
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And too many people say to me in response,
17:37
oh, but if we split up,
17:39
I'll get half of his or her way anyway.
17:42
And in my experience, that is almost never the case
17:46
because you prioritise the home,
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not the super and the home's an asset,
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not an investment.
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We can't eat our house.
17:53
Or what often happens is you go, you know what?
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This is just too hard.
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I'm just going to let that go.
17:58
I just want peace.
18:00
And so you don't actually get the amount that you drew.
18:04
So this just makes it easy.
18:06
So super splitting in Australia is a simple form
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that your partner on their super fund website fills in.
18:13
And then you get up to 85% of their super in that year.
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So you can do this.
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You may only be finding out about this in your child's 10.
18:23
You can still do this now for the next few years.
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But let's say I was on 100k a year salary.
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That's essentially nine grand or in Australia.
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It's 11 grand worth of super per year.
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I'd be missing out on if by stopping working.
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But it's not just, if I didn't work for four years,
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it's not just the 40 grand I'm missing out on.
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It's the compounding nature of that over 30 years
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that I'm missing out on.
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And that compounding nature is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.
18:54
And that's the part that we're missing.
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So it's not going to cost you anything out of your outside money.
19:00
It's just a really simple form.
19:02
I mean, honestly, I'm quite impressed that there's even a form.
19:05
You know, like, I know that sounds dire to have the bar that low.
19:09
But I'm impressed that there's a way you can do it.
19:11
Yeah, really easily.
19:12
One of the things that you mentioned is like this number $143,643.
19:18
What is this figure?
19:19
What does it mean?
19:20
And why is it such a wake up call for so many people?
19:23
When I did some numbers and when, you know,
19:25
if you were honest and average wage
19:27
and you didn't work for five years
19:29
because you had a couple of kids.
19:30
I think it was five to seven years.
19:32
This would be the super that you'd received.
19:35
And then the compounding nature of that,
19:38
with being you don't just miss out on the small amount,
19:40
it would actually add up over time to about $600,000.
19:44
And again, this is the piece that people don't realise.
19:47
And we've got a free super calculator on our website
19:50
where you can jump on and put what your wage was,
19:54
what your super is that you would have missed out on,
19:57
and then it'll work out for you.
19:59
Well, this is the superannuation over your life,
20:02
the compounding amount that you would receive.
20:05
And again, we think our $10,000 in a year or $7,000,
20:09
that's not that much.
20:10
We don't think that actually that could be $600,000.
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By the time we go to retire.
20:16
And it's why women have so much less super than men.
20:19
It's why women over 55 in Australia
20:21
are at most at risk of living in their car
20:24
and being homeless.
20:26
I think it's the same all over the world.
20:28
Like it's differently the same in the UK and New Zealand.
20:30
It's absolutely if you see KED.
20:33
Just think this is a KED.
20:34
I agree.
20:35
I would love to know in your experience.
20:38
If you've come up against many men
20:41
that are against the idea of doing this.
20:44
Yeah, absolutely.
20:45
So it's really interesting,
20:46
because I spoke for NRMA in Australia
20:48
on International Women's Day.
20:50
And I talked about this.
20:51
I said, for Mother's Day,
20:52
I want you to bloke in the room to go home.
20:54
And I want you to super split with her this year.
20:56
This is your Mother's Day prison.
20:58
And the feedback to me was that the guys didn't know about it.
21:02
And we're like, oh, well, of course we will.
21:04
And we're going to take that positive action.
21:07
But sadly, I have a lot of women come to me
21:10
and say, yeah, my partner said that I'll get it anyway
21:14
if we split, which is BS.
21:17
That doesn't happen.
21:18
Or two, the argument that is often used is, yeah,
21:21
but I've got more super.
21:23
So it'll do better in my account.
21:26
That's just such a lie.
21:28
So 7,000 in your account versus 7,000 in your account
21:32
is exactly the same amount.
21:34
It doesn't matter if I've got more or less.
21:36
It compounds the same.
21:38
It's got the same time to compound.
21:40
Interestingly, and I could be wrong with as I wish that was here.
21:43
But I did think the more that you had in an account,
21:47
the more compounding interest you get.
21:49
Yes, you do.
21:50
As in, it does compound more.
21:52
But that's 7,000, for example,
21:55
that you are missing out on.
21:56
That 7,000 doesn't inadvertently grow
22:00
because it's in a larger pot.
22:03
So what you're saying is the amount that if you split it in half,
22:06
the amount that the other amount will be generating
22:08
and compounding interest matches what it would be
22:11
if it was all together.
22:12
Absolutely.
22:13
So it's essentially splitting the compounds.
22:15
So it's like, well, I'm getting half the compounding interest
22:18
and you're getting half.
22:19
It's not that the total is in your list.
22:21
No, that's exactly right.
22:23
Yeah, and it is a misnomer.
22:25
And I love that you went, oh, no, I think that might be right.
22:29
And that's often the woman will go,
22:32
oh, okay, well, you must be right.
22:34
Yeah, let's just leave it.
22:35
Oh, as in, would their partner, they're like,
22:37
oh, yeah, you're right.
22:38
Okay, cool, we'll leave it.
22:39
Yeah, absolutely.
22:40
Do you think that they know that they're wrong?
22:43
I find it really hard to understand if a partner,
22:46
particularly this, we're assuming these people
22:49
that are in love and in relationships
22:50
and you know, all's going well, right?
22:52
We're not talking about in hindsight,
22:54
you know, anyone that's in a financially
22:56
or otherwise abusive relationship.
22:58
So you would assume that the partner,
23:02
and assuming this is heteronormative,
23:04
would be wanting what's best for the partner.
23:07
So I find it, I don't know, I guess the question to me
23:10
is like, do they actually think that maybe men
23:13
are just not financially something most a lot of men
23:15
are maybe not financially literate to the point
23:17
that we assume?
23:18
Yeah.
23:19
Well, I would say two things.
23:20
One is, yes, you, I think you're 100% right,
23:24
that the men are saying it confidently,
23:26
but they're actually wrong.
23:28
So there's something that genuinely believe it.
23:30
And because of their confidence,
23:32
their partner who's like, oh, you're probably
23:34
better at maths than me.
23:35
So therefore, you must know what you're talking about.
23:38
So the majority of couples,
23:40
the women, 90% of women look after the household budget,
23:44
the majority of men look after the long term investing.
23:48
And seven out of 10 men say the reason they do that
23:51
is so that they have control.
23:53
So that if they split, they know exactly what's going on.
23:56
No way.
23:58
Yeah.
23:59
So if you, if that's you,
24:01
and if you, if you love your partner,
24:03
but if you're one of the seven out of 10 that says,
24:05
you know what, I'm a realist, if we split,
24:07
I'd rather that be my count than hers.
24:09
What's your answer going to be?
24:11
Holy shit, really.
24:12
So there's steps that say seven out of 10.
24:14
The reason they do long term,
24:15
like they want to do the long term wealth
24:17
is so they have more control over it.
24:19
Exactly.
24:20
Holy shit.
24:21
And that, that sort of speaks to all of the stuff
24:23
that we talk about at the curb with like for a really long time,
24:26
women have been, you know, like total scrimp and save.
24:29
And it's all about like budgeting
24:31
and it's all about like the dollars
24:33
rather than how you can make that.
24:35
Rather than it investing and building.
24:37
Yeah.
24:38
Oh my, if and God, this is so horrendous.
24:41
Mm-hmm.
24:42
Sure.
24:43
Okay. Right.
24:44
All right.
24:45
So look, what we're taking from this
24:47
is that although your partner may love you very, very much,
24:52
and you may love them very, very much,
24:54
we have got to be honest about divorce rates
24:57
being more than 50% of people
25:00
end in divorce relationships.
25:02
So if that is true,
25:04
why would you not protect yourself early on in a relationship
25:09
or if you haven't done it yet,
25:11
start it now, who cares if you've got a 10-year-old?
25:13
Like there's never a time that it's too late to do this,
25:16
particularly, well, I guess it is if things have gone sour.
25:19
But if you're in a happy relationship, perfect time,
25:21
you would, hey, rather do this, protect yourself,
25:27
should the worst happen.
25:29
I actually heard a really interesting,
25:31
someone talking about prenups in a really interesting way.
25:34
And I just thought, God, that's just so true.
25:37
It's the idea that like you are entering, you know,
25:41
that sort of saying that you said about,
25:44
well, you know, if we split, you'll get half.
25:46
It's like, we'll hold on a second.
25:48
The prenup that you're agreeing to, if you don't have a prenup,
25:51
or you're not actively changing the way that you do it
25:54
or asking for what you want is, you have a prenup
25:56
is just that it's controlled by the government,
25:58
and you haven't set the terms.
25:59
And if policy changes, so does your financial situation.
26:02
So it's like, why not just take things in your own stride,
26:06
deal with it once, have some potentially slightly uncomfortable conversations,
26:11
but know that you're setting yourself up,
26:13
because I think this huge pace for me that's been missing
26:16
with the whole like, how do we deal with this idea of woman
26:20
kind of biologically, if they want children,
26:23
do have to be the ones that are predominantly caring
26:26
or a period, particularly the baby's life, right?
26:29
Like, you know, toddlers find like,
26:31
that's not necessarily needing to be the woman,
26:34
but someone needs to do that.
26:36
The childcare cost should be split evenly across the two of you,
26:39
even if your salary is proportionately less,
26:42
and that's more of your salary, it shouldn't come 100% of yours.
26:45
I love that, and that's such a good way to think about it.
26:48
But it's also just thinking about that time
26:51
that you're taking off work, you're missing out on super,
26:55
which if you understand anything about investing,
26:58
or even if you don't, the one thing you need to know
27:01
is that it's not just the amount that's coming into your account,
27:03
it is a huge amount more than that.
27:06
So don't do yourself an enormous disservice,
27:08
and be a part of the statistic,
27:10
which is us ending up in retirement
27:12
with so much less in our partners.
27:14
Regardless of if your relationship's beautiful
27:16
and lasts the test of time, you know?
27:18
I absolutely agree.
27:20
And if your relationship lasts the test of the time,
27:22
it's fantastic.
27:23
But if it doesn't, at least you've put your financial oxygen mask on,
27:26
and you are looking after your future youth.
27:30
I'm so excited to be talking about BPure.
27:32
This is a brand that I've used for a really long time.
27:35
I used it years ago when I was living in New Zealand.
27:38
And since being home, have been on the bandwagon again.
27:41
I don't know, I'm such a fan of supplement.
27:44
I feel like when life gets busy,
27:46
and you know, you can do your best to eat a well-rounded meal,
27:50
to drink water to do all the things.
27:52
But sometimes I find it quite overwhelming,
27:54
and I know that I am often not hitting the marks,
27:56
so to know that I'm like further bolstering my immune system
28:00
with quality vitamins,
28:02
I just feel like I am absolutely winning at life.
28:05
So the three products that I wanted to share with you today,
28:09
which are a part of the Immune Essentials Pack,
28:12
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28:16
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28:19
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28:21
So you know when you are like busy working hard,
28:24
you know, the absolute worst time to get sick,
28:26
and you're like, throw it's just tickling away,
28:29
and you're thinking, absolutely, if it off,
28:31
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28:33
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28:36
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28:40
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28:44
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28:47
or doesn't get enough sunshine on their face
28:50
and in their body across winter,
28:52
which let's be honest, most of us don't,
28:54
this is an amazing product.
28:55
And then the third is zinc.
28:57
It's so good for all-round health.
28:59
So this supports your gut health, your immunity,
29:02
making sure that your hormones are balanced
29:04
and your mood and energy.
29:06
I'm just like clinging to my zinc restore
29:08
as if my life depended on it.
29:09
But the reason I'm talking to you about these three products
29:12
in particular is that we're doing a partnership with Beepure
29:15
where if you want to get access to the Immune Essentials Pack,
29:18
which is these three products, you can save 20%.
29:22
So the brilliant thing about this
29:24
and why we wanted to do it around the time
29:26
when you're getting ready for winter
29:27
and going into hibernation mode
29:29
is that because you can pay month by month,
29:32
it's like a subscription
29:33
so it gets delivered to your front door.
29:35
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29:38
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29:40
so you can factor it into your budget,
29:42
but you can also be investing in your health.
29:44
So if you would like to find out more,
29:46
you can find out all the details
29:47
and the podcast show notes,
29:48
and the link will take you straight
29:50
to getting 20% off.
29:51
So thank you so much to Beepure.
29:54
What do we think about the idea
29:56
of taking time out of work,
29:58
your partner's working,
29:59
your splitting,
30:00
your super,
30:01
your pension, your Kiwis app,
30:02
whatever you want to call it?
30:03
What about a salary from your partner?
30:05
Are there other ways of compensating?
30:08
You know, I think the thing that stresses me out
30:10
and that I don't really know my way around this
30:12
is the idea of,
30:13
okay, if I take it to a break from work to raise kids,
30:17
how do we swap the mindset of like,
30:20
I'm taking money from my partner
30:22
or this is his money that I'm using,
30:24
or I have to ask for permission to spend,
30:26
like what are some other ways
30:28
that we can be practical and like positive
30:32
and reframe this?
30:33
I absolutely believe
30:35
you need to have money paid to you,
30:37
agreed,
30:38
and that it should be the same for both of you.
30:40
So there's the joint account
30:41
where you have your joint expenses
30:43
and you should be paid an amount each during that time,
30:46
because why should they get more spending money
30:49
than you just because they're doing paid labour
30:52
when your labour is just as important?
30:54
And I definitely don't believe,
30:56
and so that can be a discussion prior
30:58
as to how much you should both get.
31:00
And I definitely don't believe
31:02
that it should be an asked for,
31:03
because that's infantilising.
31:06
You know, it then turns it into a parent-child relationship
31:09
with you and you spouse,
31:10
which is going to affect every part of your relationship.
31:13
So I believe there are discussions pre-children
31:18
to have to go right.
31:19
Let's talk about this,
31:20
about how this is going to work for both of us,
31:22
because you don't want to get into it
31:24
and then realise that,
31:26
really, this is what you think.
31:28
And I guess if you're having those uncomfortable conversations
31:30
and you don't like how it's going,
31:32
then they're trying to do something about that
31:34
as pre-children.
31:35
Do not fertilise an egg.
31:37
What about the idea of women being paid to have a baby?
31:42
Like the idea of us putting our bodies on the line
31:46
in terms of like,
31:47
it's a huge physical impact for us.
31:49
Have you had any discussions with clients
31:51
or thoughts around how that could work?
31:53
Have you seen it at all?
31:55
I mean, I've seen lots of threads on places like Reddit
31:58
with people being like,
31:59
if I'm having a baby,
32:00
I want to be paid for that,
32:02
because this is how much it's taking out
32:04
from my career,
32:05
from my salary,
32:06
from my, you know, super retirement blah blah blah.
32:09
I want to lump some for XYZ.
32:11
Have you seen that?
32:12
Do you encourage it?
32:13
Would love to hear your thoughts on it?
32:14
I've never seen that, interestingly,
32:16
and I've obviously worked with thousands of women,
32:19
but having said that,
32:21
I think it would depend.
32:23
So if you are someone where maybe your partner is earning a lot
32:28
more than you or you're both on really good incomes,
32:31
and you're going to take a really severe deficit too,
32:34
to have that,
32:35
and you both really want one of you to stay home,
32:39
I can understand you saying,
32:41
you know what,
32:43
if I agree to this as a couple,
32:45
then this is one how much I think we should both be paid,
32:49
but also this is the,
32:51
this is going to be the longer-term financial compensation
32:55
that I'm going to want.
32:57
I think, again,
32:58
I think everything is permissible,
32:59
everything's okay,
33:01
as long as you think about it,
33:02
and have those conversations.
33:04
What about the,
33:05
I think what you just said is really interesting,
33:07
if you both want someone to stay home,
33:09
because that's a really important point,
33:11
like what if the partner is wanting,
33:14
sorry for this to be super like heterosexual couples,
33:17
but I feel like it's more of a,
33:19
in my experience,
33:20
it's more of a problem with heterosexual than,
33:22
and heterosexual,
33:23
because they're almost creating their own narrative,
33:26
and they genuinely figuring out,
33:28
this is how we want it to be.
33:30
Yes, they're redefining what this looks like,
33:32
rather than just taking what it's always been.
33:34
But I guess my question would be like,
33:36
have you seen many couples
33:37
where the man wants the woman to stay home?
33:40
She's not super keen on it,
33:42
but is doing it.
33:44
How do you quantify that financially?
33:47
You know, like,
33:48
I think what's interesting is,
33:50
like if two people are like,
33:52
do you know what?
33:53
Neither of us want to get up at work.
33:54
We don't want to be,
33:55
and it's not,
33:56
maybe it's not financial,
33:57
maybe it's just for,
33:58
they love their job,
33:59
or whatever the reason is.
34:00
Then, you know,
34:01
it's obvious and fair,
34:03
in a very clean and, you know,
34:05
split down the middle way,
34:06
right?
34:07
We're neither of them
34:09
having to necessarily sacrifice more than the other,
34:11
blah, blah, blah, blah.
34:12
Yeah.
34:13
But how do you navigate that,
34:15
if one wants to stay home,
34:17
the other doesn't like,
34:18
whether it's that the woman wants to stay home,
34:20
actually,
34:21
and he doesn't want her to,
34:22
or how do you have
34:24
the financial conversations around that?
34:26
So, I guess a couple of different ways.
34:28
So one,
34:29
and I'm thinking of one couple,
34:31
particularly,
34:32
whereas he wanted her to go back to work,
34:34
a minute,
34:35
the kids were at school,
34:36
whereas she really did not want that.
34:39
And so they had,
34:40
they sat down and negotiated,
34:42
where she ended up doing three days a week,
34:45
rather than full time,
34:47
because she said,
34:48
okay, I will go back full time.
34:50
However,
34:51
you therefore will need to do
34:54
these many dinners,
34:55
these many picking kids up
34:57
from this,
34:58
that, the other,
34:59
I will not do the unpaid labour,
35:02
if you want me to go back full time and earn.
35:05
And I think he was surprised
35:07
at what he would have to do,
35:09
and he agreed very readily
35:11
to three days a week,
35:12
as a result.
35:13
So I think it's having those conversations,
35:15
where you layout,
35:16
sure no problem,
35:17
but this is what it will look like.
35:19
And it becomes a negotiation,
35:21
rather than this,
35:22
a dictatorship, hopefully.
35:24
But also, you're like,
35:25
my husband and I have chosen not to have kids,
35:28
but I,
35:29
when we were talking about it initially,
35:31
I said to him,
35:32
if you really want them,
35:34
I'll absolutely have them,
35:36
but I'm not,
35:37
I'm not going to be the one to stay at home,
35:40
I want to work,
35:41
I'm going to be back at work quickly,
35:43
I wouldn't want to slow down.
35:45
So therefore,
35:46
it's going to be about,
35:48
are you happy to stay home?
35:50
Are you happy to have a nanny?
35:51
Like, that's going to be a decision for you.
35:53
So I think it's having all of those conversations,
35:57
and having them as road bust,
36:00
both in that,
36:01
the one that I,
36:02
that I described around,
36:03
well, this is all the unpaid labour.
36:05
So that has to be duped up,
36:07
rather than just being resentful
36:10
and taking it all on.
36:11
God, both of those examples are so helpful for me.
36:14
It's just really getting my brain going
36:16
for different ways of approaching it.
36:18
I love the idea of,
36:19
cool,
36:20
if you don't understand the fact
36:22
that I don't have capacity
36:23
to do all the,
36:24
you know,
36:25
what is required around the house
36:26
and work full time.
36:27
Are there any other instances
36:28
or examples that you can think of
36:30
where negotiation has been done
36:33
or it's been laid out
36:34
in a really obvious way?
36:35
Yeah.
36:36
Well, I've got a girlfriend
36:37
where he wanted the third child.
36:38
She had come back after her first two
36:41
from,
36:42
to quite a high-power job,
36:44
and she did the same thing.
36:46
She said,
36:47
okay,
36:48
I can see you really want it,
36:49
but like,
36:50
I'm not there.
36:51
I'd be really happy with two.
36:53
So if you want a third,
36:54
we're going to have to talk about
36:55
what that looks like.
36:56
And one,
36:57
you're going to have to step up more
36:59
because three,
37:01
two is kind of manageable,
37:03
but three is not going to be
37:05
if this is all on me.
37:07
So they had quite intense negotiations
37:09
in the lead up to that
37:10
where she wasn't ready to commit
37:12
to the third
37:13
until she knew that he would be on board.
37:16
And again,
37:17
it was him taking on more of a load
37:19
because she just couldn't do that.
37:22
That's so interesting.
37:24
I went on a couple of dates with someone
37:27
who we spoke about this.
37:29
And I said,
37:30
I love kids.
37:31
I would love to be a mother.
37:33
I genuinely would really love that one day.
37:36
But I love what I do for work.
37:39
I'm so passionate about it.
37:40
I've worked so hard on my business
37:43
and it's,
37:44
you know,
37:45
whether it's the curve
37:46
or something else,
37:47
I can't imagine myself not contributing
37:50
to something that I care a lot about.
37:53
You know, I just can't imagine that.
37:55
And I said to her,
37:56
you know,
37:57
I'm stuck between feeling like
38:00
I would want to be,
38:01
if I'm going to have kids with somebody,
38:03
I would want to be in a financial position
38:05
where we could afford help,
38:06
where we could afford to outsource things like,
38:08
whether it be some of the cooking
38:10
or cleaning or laundry,
38:12
et cetera, child care.
38:13
Like, I would need to be in a financial position
38:15
where that was like,
38:16
we were both willing
38:18
to put money towards that
38:19
so that we could both do our jobs
38:21
also keep in mind
38:22
this was three days in,
38:23
so you know,
38:24
like,
38:25
you know,
38:26
we weren't having serious chats about it,
38:28
but it was more just really interesting
38:30
to speak to him about it.
38:31
And he was like,
38:32
oh, I totally am on board with that.
38:33
He was like,
38:34
say no more.
38:35
I want to be able to come home
38:38
and have like conversations about what,
38:40
you know,
38:41
what my partner's done,
38:42
that's not necessarily just about,
38:44
you know,
38:45
the kids and what's happened at home,
38:46
which I thought was really interesting,
38:48
but he said to me,
38:49
he'd had this big,
38:51
not argument,
38:52
but contemptious conversation
38:53
with a guy friend of hers
38:55
where the guy friend just could not understand
38:58
how he wouldn't want his partner
39:01
at home with the kids full time.
39:04
And I just,
39:05
it was just really interesting
39:06
because I see so much value
39:09
in being able to put all your time
39:11
and energy into your kids.
39:12
I don't get me wrong.
39:13
I understand the idea of the first three years
39:15
is like,
39:16
the most important for their attachment style,
39:18
like I really understand
39:20
how important that is.
39:21
But I think,
39:22
but I think it's having a conversation.
39:24
I don't think too many people jump into a relationship
39:27
and jump into living together, et cetera.
39:29
And then the next step,
39:31
the next logical step is children,
39:33
but they don't actually talk about,
39:35
well, what would,
39:36
what would all those styles be?
39:37
What would those,
39:38
it was just,
39:39
it was,
39:40
it's just an expectation.
39:41
Oh, of course you'll do this
39:42
and you'll do this,
39:43
rather than having that intentional discussion
39:46
around,
39:47
well, this is what I want early on.
39:49
And I think because I've chosen not to have children,
39:52
it needed to have,
39:53
needed to be an early,
39:55
really early conversation
39:56
with my now husband and I,
39:58
because I didn't want that.
40:00
But interestingly,
40:01
it doesn't,
40:02
I don't think it matters if it's kids
40:03
or for singles.
40:04
There's always a next thing
40:05
that we're talking about.
40:07
Certainly for my husband,
40:08
he's getting to the age where
40:10
a lot of his friends
40:11
are stopping working.
40:12
And we're,
40:13
he had the conversation with me recently
40:15
to say,
40:16
no, I don't want to stop work.
40:18
Anytime soon,
40:19
I love what I do.
40:20
I can't ever see myself
40:21
not working.
40:23
So,
40:24
I hope that's not something
40:25
you want to do.
40:26
I'm like, oh no.
40:27
No, I can't ever imagine myself
40:29
just holidaying full-time
40:31
or just not working.
40:32
So I think whatever stage you're at,
40:34
it's having those financial conversations
40:36
so you know what each other
40:38
are doing and you can plan for that.
40:40
Mmm, I love that.
40:42
Gosh, I never even thought about that.
40:43
Imagine if you're part
40:44
of wanting to go
40:45
and like,
40:46
sail the world
40:47
in a giant cruise ship
40:48
and you just couldn't
40:49
give anything worse
40:50
because you have your job
40:51
you want to do.
40:52
That would be,
40:53
it's interesting
40:54
because that's kind of going on
40:55
with my dad and my stepmom
40:56
at the moment,
40:57
where my dad's a bit older
40:58
and he loves skiing.
40:59
Actually, they both love skiing,
41:00
but my stepmom
41:01
is needing term wanting to work.
41:03
So dad goes
41:04
and does those things by himself,
41:05
which is fine.
41:06
And I think it's really important
41:08
that he does that.
41:09
He's not changing
41:10
what he wants to do
41:11
because of that they make it work.
41:13
But yeah, it is a,
41:14
a timing thing
41:15
with everything
41:16
and making sure you actually
41:17
talk about it.
41:18
So you're on the same page
41:19
and not like all of us
41:20
had a blown away
41:21
when someone
41:22
stops working at 35
41:23
because they've decided
41:24
they've got enough money
41:25
and you're like,
41:26
well,
41:27
I'm pretty sure I need more
41:28
than that.
41:29
Yeah, exactly.
41:30
It's having the financial conversations
41:31
and as couples
41:32
often we don't
41:33
because money's a number one thing
41:34
we fight about.
41:35
We fight about it
41:36
twice a month,
41:37
according to her,
41:38
a lot of the research
41:39
certainly at relationships
41:40
Australia has that.
41:41
So if we're coming to it
41:43
at a point
41:44
where it's awkward
41:45
and we're going to fight
41:46
about it, of course,
41:47
we're avoiding
41:48
these conversations.
41:49
But if we can bring it up
41:50
in a way
41:51
that's not accusatory,
41:52
if it's more
41:53
around curiosity
41:55
or I've heard this
41:56
or what do you think about
41:57
or then it can be
41:59
a more enjoyable conversation
42:01
and just
42:02
becomes something else
42:03
we talk about.
42:04
Yeah.
42:05
No, I think that's
42:06
amazing advice.
42:07
I would really love to
42:09
hear how you view
42:11
or value the idea
42:13
of the invisible load.
42:14
Whether it's
42:15
cooking, cleaning,
42:16
planning, dinner,
42:17
looking after the kids
42:18
because the one thing
42:19
that my brain
42:20
cannot compute
42:21
and something
42:22
that I thought about
42:23
for ages is
42:24
the dollar value
42:25
of outsourcing
42:26
cooking, cleaning,
42:28
dropping stuff off
42:30
might not add up
42:32
anywhere near
42:33
to how people
42:34
view how important that is.
42:36
I mean, like,
42:37
of course,
42:38
you said to your partner,
42:39
cool, you want to outsource
42:40
a chauffeur to pick the kids
42:41
up from school
42:42
and do this and this
42:43
and this, it would add up.
42:44
But I think my
42:45
my hang-up is
42:46
around the idea
42:47
that traditionally those
42:49
types of jobs are
42:50
lower paid.
42:51
And so they're not
42:52
valued
42:53
financially in the same way.
42:55
How can we
42:56
reframe that
42:57
to ourselves
42:58
and like, so that we
42:59
feel like the work
43:00
we're doing is super
43:01
valuable and also how
43:02
can our partners
43:03
or other people
43:04
view this
43:05
in a different way
43:06
that is more valuable than
43:07
what it would be
43:08
if you did outsource
43:09
it.
43:10
Maybe it's adding it all
43:11
up and doing what
43:12
that client of my
43:13
mentioned when
43:14
her partner wanted
43:15
him to
43:16
her to increase
43:17
to full time.
43:18
She said, look,
43:19
this is essentially
43:20
two days a week
43:21
that I'm doing this.
43:23
What would it mean
43:24
for you to find two days?
43:26
And usually the
43:28
partner, especially
43:29
if they're earning
43:30
more,
43:31
just the concept of them
43:33
having to find
43:34
that time,
43:35
like three hours
43:36
a week,
43:37
and then
43:38
the end of work
43:39
every single week.
43:40
What would it mean
43:41
if you had to leave
43:42
your office
43:43
at four o'clock
43:44
and start to do this?
43:45
I think
43:46
equating it
43:47
to someone else
43:48
where they can feel
43:49
the pain, I think,
43:51
is more helpful
43:52
than trying to
43:53
put a dollar
43:54
amount on it.
43:55
Do you think
43:56
also thinking about
43:57
your own
43:58
opportunity cost
43:59
if I'm doing this
44:00
therefore I can't
44:01
be doing that?
44:02
Absolutely.
44:03
So if you
44:04
are someone
44:05
who's working
44:06
around wealth
44:07
creation is I don't
44:08
have time,
44:09
then it's
44:10
well, how can I make
44:11
time?
44:12
And if you understand
44:13
that if I learn to
44:14
invest,
44:15
250 bucks a month
44:16
over 50 years,
44:17
it's 4 million bucks
44:19
invested,
44:20
like that's worth
44:22
spending two hours
44:23
a week
44:24
where I outsource some
44:25
stuff to understand
44:26
how to do that.
44:27
Like that's
44:28
4 million dollar
44:29
investment over 50 years.
44:30
That's worth
44:31
a two hours a week
44:32
paying for someone
44:34
who's working
44:35
around wealth
44:36
creation.
44:37
So that's where you
44:38
can reframe it
44:39
around the
44:40
opportunity cost where
44:41
it's not just the dollars
44:42
earned now.
44:43
This is what I could
44:44
but the thing is
44:46
it's making sure you spend
44:47
the time doing that.
44:49
Because we don't want
44:50
to create that space
44:52
and then sit in front
44:53
of a couch,
44:54
because we're so
44:55
exhausted watching
44:56
housewives.
44:57
I mean, I also want
44:59
to do that,
45:00
but I want to make sure
45:01
that I'm investing
45:02
in that it's
45:04
automated.
45:05
And once we make
45:06
investing more
45:07
complex than it is,
45:08
once we figure out
45:09
how to invest, once we
45:10
automated it,
45:11
once we can quite
45:12
literally set
45:13
and forget it.
45:14
And then get back
45:15
to doing those things
45:17
maybe that we enjoy.
45:19
But it is prioritising
45:20
it, knowing that I'm
45:21
not just looking at
45:22
the hourly rate
45:23
that I'm paying
45:24
someone else,
45:25
I'm looking at the
45:26
long term
45:27
compounding effect.
45:28
How has your own
45:29
beliefs around
45:30
relationships
45:32
evolved over time,
45:33
like from all
45:34
the clients who have
45:35
worked with, like,
45:37
well, yeah, I mean,
45:38
you would have seen
45:39
some incredible
45:40
successes of people
45:41
revolutionising the way
45:42
that they deal
45:43
with money with
45:44
in their relationship
45:45
and you would have probably
45:46
seen the pits of hell
45:47
of like the worst-case
45:48
scenario.
45:49
So, yeah, how
45:50
how have your own
45:52
beliefs evolved?
45:54
And where are they now?
45:55
So I definitely
45:56
don't think there's
45:57
a one-size-fits-all
45:58
two relationships.
46:00
People come
46:01
with their own money
46:02
story.
46:03
People come with their
46:04
baggage around.
46:05
This is how it,
46:06
this is how I've been
46:07
modeled how to do money.
46:08
And these are the
46:09
beliefs that I hold
46:10
as a result.
46:11
So it's really
46:12
difficult to say,
46:13
well, this is just how
46:14
we should do it.
46:15
Because that's
46:16
simply not how life works.
46:18
So what I've come
46:19
to the understanding
46:20
of it's making sure
46:22
that in each
46:23
relationship you feel
46:25
the same
46:26
you are safe
46:28
and that you are both
46:30
involved equally
46:32
and fairly
46:34
with the long term investing.
46:36
Because, for example,
46:38
there are stats around
46:40
where women
46:41
owns a dollar more than
46:43
her male partner, her
46:44
risk of D.V.
46:45
increases by 30%.
46:46
What?
46:47
Okay, so this is honestly
46:49
what I wanted to ask you
46:50
about was like,
46:51
what are some of those stats
46:53
or dynamics?
46:54
And why is it so
46:56
threatening for men
46:57
and uncomfortable?
46:58
And is there a way
47:00
in which like
47:01
that can be reframed
47:02
or re-learned?
47:03
Because I don't think
47:04
that men want to feel
47:06
inferior or
47:07
written by their partner
47:09
anymore.
47:10
But it's so common.
47:11
So common.
47:12
And that's why
47:13
what I encourage women to do
47:15
is to put on their own
47:16
financial oxygen mask
47:17
and invest for themselves.
47:19
Realising that small amounts
47:21
invested regularly can
47:23
compound to a really large
47:25
amount.
47:26
Because I've got women
47:27
that are earning a lot
47:28
of money that their partners
47:29
will not engage financially
47:32
with them because
47:33
they feel so
47:34
emasculated.
47:35
They won't say those words,
47:36
but that is absolutely
47:38
what's going on.
47:39
And either you press
47:40
paulers and hope they're
47:41
going to come around
47:42
or you frighten to bring
47:44
it up or you just have
47:46
to do it for yourself.
47:48
Whether you're earning
47:49
more or higher,
47:50
I'm such a fan of making
47:52
sure you are not just
47:54
looking after the household
47:55
budget.
47:56
You are also looking
47:57
after your long term
47:59
financial health
48:00
and investing regularly.
48:01
Because you can't earn
48:02
you way to wealth.
48:03
You don't want to
48:04
abdicate it to
48:05
someone else.
48:06
So it's doing that
48:07
for yourself.
48:08
What are some
48:09
red flags that we can
48:10
look for in relationships
48:12
for unhealthy dynamics?
48:16
You mentioned
48:17
that statistic
48:18
around DV and how
48:20
common it is.
48:21
What was the number?
48:22
As soon as a woman
48:23
and a doll are more
48:24
than her partner,
48:25
her risk of DV
48:26
goes up by more than 30%.
48:28
That is absolutely
48:30
wild and frightening to me.
48:32
What are some
48:33
of the telltale signs
48:35
early on?
48:36
If a man is feeling
48:37
emasculated or uncomfortable,
48:39
and things are starting
48:41
like they might not be
48:42
domestic violence,
48:43
but they might be
48:45
hitting
48:46
a really unhealthy
48:47
toxic way.
48:48
So it's really hard
48:49
because it's different
48:50
per couple.
48:51
And you might not
48:52
see those red flags
48:53
for a while,
48:54
but things that I
48:55
would be very careful
48:56
about is the language
48:57
of don't you worry
48:58
pretty little head
48:59
about this.
49:00
I've got it.
49:01
I don't need to talk
49:02
about money with you.
49:03
I've got it.
49:04
That might seem
49:05
lovely, but actually
49:06
your partner is not allowing
49:07
you to engage
49:08
in a relationship
49:09
with financially with them.
49:10
And for me,
49:11
that would be a massive red flag.
49:13
Just that they're not
49:15
wanting to engage
49:16
and talk about money.
49:17
Even just healthy discussions
49:20
around wanting to talk
49:21
about money.
49:22
If my partner keeps
49:23
shutting that down,
49:24
that for me
49:25
would be such a red flag.
49:27
But also just wanting
49:29
you to sign things,
49:30
wanting you to do things
49:31
in getting upset
49:33
if you won't,
49:34
or upset with you,
49:35
if you wanted to take
49:37
that to an expert,
49:38
just to run it by someone,
49:39
just that language
49:40
of, but why don't you trust me?
49:42
You should trust me
49:44
and just sign it.
49:45
Massive red flags.
49:47
That is such a good one.
49:49
It's so like,
49:50
it's so easy as well,
49:52
I think, like the whole
49:53
lovers blind thing
49:54
to just like sweet things
49:56
like that under the rug.
49:57
Are there any other small ones
49:58
that you can think of?
49:59
Because I think
50:00
these are all just good for us
50:01
all to have in their back
50:02
about here.
50:03
Well, it's really sad,
50:04
but if I was dating someone
50:05
as well, I do a reverse
50:06
image search on them
50:07
because the number
50:08
of romance scans
50:09
I'm seeing,
50:10
where then the person
50:11
they're dating
50:12
is not the person
50:13
they're actually dating.
50:15
Are you joking?
50:16
Nope.
50:17
Nope.
50:18
So, I would
50:19
and I know it's really
50:20
sad, but I would do a reverse
50:21
image search.
50:22
Oh my God.
50:23
Do you mean like,
50:24
dump their photo in Google
50:25
and just see what comes out?
50:26
Yep.
50:27
Oh my God.
50:28
Yeah, just to see,
50:29
you know, is there anything
50:30
out there where someone
50:31
has said, hey,
50:32
you know,
50:33
this guy has done this?
50:35
Or he's been involved
50:37
in a bankruptcy
50:38
or a liquidation?
50:39
Or, you know,
50:40
if my partner,
50:42
I'm a fan of before you
50:44
move in together
50:45
or open a bank account,
50:46
I want to,
50:47
I think you should be
50:48
sharing.
50:49
This is what I have.
50:50
This is what I owe.
50:51
If your partner didn't
50:52
want to share that
50:53
or disclose that,
50:54
that would be another red flag
50:55
for me.
50:56
Like, there's just so many.
50:57
You're God.
50:58
There's so many, isn't there?
50:59
Just wrapping up like
51:00
with some sort of actionable
51:02
insights for people.
51:03
If there's like one
51:04
mindset shift
51:05
that you would like
51:06
every woman
51:07
who's listening to this
51:08
to take away from this
51:09
conversation, what would
51:10
that be?
51:11
Investing for the long term
51:13
isn't selfish.
51:14
It's actually necessary.
51:16
And that I think
51:17
every woman should be
51:18
investing even
51:20
if it's a small amount
51:22
regularly for
51:24
themselves.
51:25
Like, that would be my
51:27
the number one thing
51:28
I'd want every woman
51:29
to be able to do.
51:30
In their own name,
51:31
ideally.
51:32
Yeah.
51:33
And what would be
51:34
your hope for
51:35
you to get younger
51:36
generations, the kids
51:37
that are starting to
51:38
grow up and move through
51:39
especially like young
51:40
woman?
51:41
How would you like them
51:42
to experience money
51:43
differently to what
51:44
we're still seeing
51:45
today?
51:46
Yeah.
51:47
So I would love them to
51:48
come to money
51:49
with more of a curious
51:50
rather than a fearful
51:52
thing for not
51:53
for realizing that money
51:54
is not selfish.
51:55
It's not emotional.
51:56
It's not good or bad.
51:57
It's simply a tool
51:58
to get you where you want
51:59
to go.
52:00
So, and that's what
52:01
you want to do.
52:03
So, and to think of
52:04
your age as a
52:05
superpower financially,
52:06
you might not think
52:07
it's a superpower in the
52:08
workforce.
52:09
You might not think
52:10
it's a superpower in the
52:11
workforce.
52:12
You might not think it's
52:13
a superpower in other
52:14
places.
52:15
You might think that I'm
52:16
being locked out of the
52:17
housing market and all
52:18
sorts of things.
52:19
But the time that you have
52:21
your age is your superpower.
52:22
And if you can invest
52:23
even small amounts
52:24
for the long term,
52:25
it's life changing.
52:26
The early you start
52:27
the better.
52:28
Amen.
52:29
Amen.
52:30
Okay.
52:31
And how can anyone
52:32
listening who would like
52:33
to work with you
52:34
learn more about your work,
52:36
you know, practical steps
52:38
in terms of how they
52:39
can split retirement
52:40
funds, things like that.
52:41
Where can they find you
52:42
in your work?
52:43
Well, this is Brown.com.au.
52:44
I'm
52:45
and the end of Brown.
52:46
I'm a fancy brown.
52:47
There's lots of
52:48
freebies and resources
52:49
and masterclasses and
52:50
courses.
52:51
Incredible.
52:52
And Mel Brown.com money
52:54
on Instagram as well.
52:55
I give lots of
52:56
tips and tricks there too.
52:57
You know Mel,
52:58
you're Mel B
52:59
when I was doing
53:00
research.
53:01
Mel B
53:02
from the Spice Girls
53:03
came up.
53:04
I'm so happy with that.
53:05
I understand.
53:06
Who am I talking to?
53:07
Yeah.
53:08
This is definitely been
53:09
more educational
53:10
than I imagine that
53:11
chap would have been.
53:12
Thank you so much Mel.
53:14
It was amazing to
53:15
speak to you.
53:16
I feel like there's
53:17
just been so many
53:18
helpful, interesting
53:19
tips there.
53:20
So yeah.
53:21
Thank you so much
53:22
for sharing your time
53:23
and your knowledge so
53:24
generously.
53:25
You're so welcome.
53:26
I love this chap.
53:27
Me too.
53:28
Thank you so much for
53:29
sharing this.
53:30
I'm very pleased to
53:57
we are not financial advisors.
53:59
Our platform exists for educational purposes only
54:01
and it doesn't provide personalized
54:03
investing advice for your individual needs
54:04
and should not be relied upon to make
54:06
an investment or financial decision.
54:08
And always remember to do your own research
54:10
before making any investment or financial decision.
54:13
We're here for any knowledge and support you need,
54:15
but the final call is always yours.
54:17
And thanks for being here.
54:18
You got this.
54:19
Yeah, we know you got this.