Latest / Nightmare Success In and Out / 10yrs in prison for selling marijuana? Stephanie Shepard

Transcript

10yrs in prison for selling marijuana? Stephanie Shepard · Nightmare Success In and Out

0:00
Yep. What happens when he works here?
0:02
Becomes your reality. Hi.
0:04
I'm Brian Cassidy. Welcome to the nightmare
0:06
success. And Now podcast but we explore a
0:09
how to overcome your fears and Nightmares is set yourself free.
0:13
We're going to be exploring this topic with guys that was in
0:15
Leavenworth with and others who survived their own nightmare.
0:20
These stories can be inspiring. Sometimes sad, there's some
0:24
humor but hopefully you can come away with a nugget of something
0:27
that will help you knock down some of the prisons.
0:29
You Built up in your own mind. Welcome back, nine more success
0:37
in and out listeners. We are here.
0:41
And I want to say, I am really excited to get into this
0:44
interview because Seth Ferrante. He gave me, Stephanie Shepherds
0:51
name and if anybody listen to cess episode, it's if you
0:56
haven't had a chance yet, it's a fantastic Journey that he went
1:00
on and he's doing great things now.
1:02
But we were together one day. And since you've got to talk to
1:07
Stephanie Shepherd and when we got Stephanie on the phone, she
1:12
was busy at doing what she does. And she just has such an
1:17
exciting and interesting story, and it's such a current topic.
1:22
Because Stephanie received a 10-year sentence for conspiracy
1:28
to distribute cannabis and she was a First-time nonviolent
1:33
offender to parent Suburban household thought going to
1:38
prison could never happen. Could never happen to her.
1:41
And Stephanie says it took her about five years into her senses
1:45
and realize that, you know, this actually happened, this is no
1:49
big. You know, there was no, somebody
1:51
made a big mistake that she's really imprisoned and no one was
1:55
coming out to save her and you know she wasn't special for this
2:01
you know, the there were a whole bunch.
2:02
Other people women, and their, whose lives have been turned
2:06
upside down by a car serration. And Stephanie, she did nine
2:11
years of a 10-year sentence, which is unbelievable in the
2:14
world that we think about now, with, with marijuana and
2:17
cannabis, she she got out and she found a a program.
2:23
It's called the last prisoner project and she's using her
2:28
experience that she went through to help people that are in her
2:31
position. To try to get them out and as
2:35
all of you, if you followed the news lately, Biden, President,
2:38
Biden released. Some people in the federal
2:43
system a couple of weeks ago and you know it's it's for these
2:48
Advocates that are doing the good work to get these people
2:53
back into our society where as we know so many states that were
2:58
in, there's a billion-dollar industry going on and it's all
3:01
legal now with Honor so Stephanie, welcome in.
3:05
I am so just thrilled you're here and made the made time for
3:09
it and I can't wait to jump under your story.
3:13
Thank you, thank you for having me.
3:17
I'm really excited to be here and your intro with perfect,
3:21
except for just President Biden's.
3:26
Pardon didn't release any one. That's a big difference, that's
3:32
a very big difference, but what you said is what a lot of people
3:37
heard. Yeah, when that announcement was
3:39
made. And so I definitely One always
3:45
clarify that no one was federally incarcerated for
3:49
simple possession. Right?
3:51
So no one was released. These pardons were simply at
3:55
forgiveness if you will of the crime but nobody walked out of
4:00
prison that day. No, no no one's in prison.
4:05
So Stephanie because I reading a little bit about your story, can
4:11
you tell us a little bit about growing up as a kid?
4:13
Sounds like you were, you know, Mom, Dad.
4:16
Can you tell us how that all little Stephanie was growing up?
4:21
Yeah, I'm the youngest of seven, so it may be.
4:26
Yeah. So I really thought anything was
4:32
going to derail me in life. This always felt protected by my
4:39
parents and, you know, my older siblings and so I was kind of
4:44
that wild child. So it was no big surprise.
4:48
Probably to my family that if any seven of us would go to
4:53
prison, it would be me. Which I never worked in Italy.
4:59
No, no, no. Unfortunately, though, I say
5:02
isn't 41, I did go to prison, right?
5:05
And so let's talk a little bit about like with your world as a
5:10
kid growing up with a big family.
5:13
What was your high school and school?
5:16
Like were you did you have a group of good friends and where
5:19
you run in with a crowd that you liked and what was all that like
5:23
that world? Very typical high school
5:27
experience. The only thing is I always
5:31
couldn't wait to get out. I always, I was always raring to
5:36
go into the world so cannabis was not a part of my childhood
5:42
growing up with the exception of my brothers who kept like the
5:46
cigar box under their beds. And I'd always see little papers
5:50
and little seeds. That, that was the secret.
5:54
It That's something that my parents were a part of my
5:58
parents were older. My dad was born in 1919, so that
6:04
wasn't something that was a part of our family growing up.
6:10
In fact, I didn't even consume till I was 28 years old.
6:13
Wow. Wow.
6:16
Well, what is, what was your life like so you got out of high
6:19
school, where did you step into after that?
6:24
Bounced around to a couple of colleges decided that wasn't for
6:28
me. Did a couple of cents worked for
6:32
the NBA for a little bit, sold real estate in New York, which
6:38
is what I was doing when this all came about.
6:43
Yeah, so I did lose my real estate license because of the
6:48
pending felony. So, after that, Just went to
6:53
prison. Yeah, so let's let's talk about
6:56
how how did that happen? How did that happen to Stephanie
7:02
Shepherd? Who I mean seeming?
7:07
Like the baby, the family, pretty well-adjusted, Suburban
7:11
life and walk us into that. Nightmare that you entered
7:18
pretty basic. Have an ex-boyfriend Who had
7:22
gotten arrested for cannabis was in prison, for four was in jail
7:27
for six months. When I got a call from the
7:29
lawyer and his lawyer said, hey, you know, can you come down and
7:33
talk to me? Well, being the ex-girlfriend
7:35
knowing he had another girlfriend.
7:38
I was a little curious, a little nosy, you know, curiosity killed
7:41
the cat, but I did go down to find out what was going on and
7:46
he said, hey, you know, he has a bad heart, he's had a pacemaker,
7:50
put in, he's not doing well. And County.
7:54
If I can get him out on medical bonds, will you give him a place
7:58
to stay until his sentencing? Let him get healthy.
8:02
So, you know, get real doctor care, and I agree.
8:06
So, I went into that courtroom. Six months later, they weren't
8:10
thinking about me, they knew about me, but they were not
8:13
thinking about Never had been questioned or anything.
8:18
I walked in that courtroom and answered the judges questions
8:21
and we said I find this young lady responsible and credible
8:25
and I'm going to recommend he be released into her, custody an
8:28
hour later. I'm getting a text from the
8:31
lawyer saying they're going to fight it.
8:33
They say you're involved. Mmm.
8:36
Wow, the day I was getting dressed to go pick him up.
8:41
I got a buzz at my buzzer, I was living in Williamsburg Brooklyn
8:45
at the time, I got a buzz at my buzzer and it was a DEA agent
8:50
and an ice agent and they said we're looking for.
8:52
Stephanie Shepherd, we have a warrant for her arrest and at
8:55
that point, I didn't Buzz them up at arrested was on pretrial
9:01
for a year. We got to stop it, we tried
9:04
Stephanie, we got, I got to know what was going through your
9:06
mind. I mean, because you've just had
9:08
a judge, say this, this You standing before me is
9:13
responsible. I'm going to release this person
9:16
into your care and the next thing that happens is they're
9:20
buzzing up to say. They've got a warrant for your
9:22
arrest. What do you thinking?
9:25
What's going through your mind? Still not believing that it's
9:31
going to happen. I think I'm going to have some
9:35
issues. I'm going to have to answer some
9:37
questions. I never really believed that me.
9:43
Would be getting into any serious trouble behind, can of
9:47
it, the most, I thought, you know, what can happen to find,
9:52
maybe some type of probation? I don't know.
9:54
I've never had anything like this in my life before I just
9:58
sell my real estate and allegedly apparently, so we but
10:04
I just wasn't believing it, I wasn't believing it and as I was
10:10
on pretrial for that year and I lost my real estate license.
10:16
And so now I'm in New York, which is very expensive.
10:19
I don't have any income. It was, it was tough.
10:23
I'm weekly drug testing randomly.
10:30
So once I actually got sentenced to that 10 years and he said,
10:36
you know, 120 months and I didn't even know what that was.
10:41
Like, it didn't even like, I don't normally talk in mine so I
10:45
don't have any kids. So I don't know the month.
10:49
Situations. And I my attorney.
10:54
I was like, what is that? You need to said 10 years.
10:57
Well, what what what were when he said that, what what do you
11:02
what's your body and mind? How is it reacting?
11:06
unfortunately, my sister who had been through this with me the
11:10
entire time because I chose to not situation with my parents.
11:19
I thought that's how confident I was.
11:21
I was like, we'll talk about it after.
11:24
So my two elderly parents I didn't want to know I was in
11:28
this trouble. So all my brothers and sisters
11:30
knew but it was kind of that sibling.
11:33
Secret sister came to the courtroom that day.
11:38
She flew from California. And when they announced the
11:45
amount of time, when the dead said 120 months, I just remember
11:50
my sister's for reaming just screaming.
11:56
And I just turned to her and I wanted her to feel better.
12:02
So I smiled It's okay, it's going to be okay.
12:07
Well we'll work it out. It's fine, calm down, and I'm
12:12
smiling. And they take me back behind the
12:17
doors and that's when I scream. What a day.
12:23
I mean, this was the day. It's just, it's just so much.
12:27
You know, I what I think about that, I mean, it brings like the
12:32
hair stands up on my arms when you're telling that because I
12:36
think I made out inaudible just all the breath left met when
12:39
they said five years, you know. Because in ten years is double
12:45
that and it's a it's a decade, you know, it's not a few months.
12:51
You get back into society, it is life-changing.
12:56
And for you at, what will you 41?
13:00
You said War. And what happened?
13:05
Next because you were taken from that courtroom.
13:09
It takes a while to once your sentence to be, put in to where
13:16
you're going. So did you spend that time?
13:18
There was There was a month between.
13:25
My actual arrest when I was remanded from the courtroom when
13:30
I was found guilty and my sentencing.
13:33
So there was like, actually three months and then after
13:37
that, you go to a holding facility for a month before
13:42
you're actually sent to the prison that you're assigned to.
13:48
So MDC, Brooklyn MCC did those before I got to dance.
13:55
Very, how was that for your world of adjustment?
14:01
It was rough. It was I remember just being
14:05
led, there's a tunnel that goes from the courtroom directly to
14:10
the jail and there's a smell that walking through that
14:16
tunnel. Anytime I smell something
14:18
similar to that. It takes me back to that tunnel.
14:23
It's kind of a usually. When I'm at a gas station, it's
14:27
kind of an exhaust fumes. I just, it's 6 in my brain
14:34
walking through there and still having that mentality of this
14:38
has got to be a mistake. This is not happening
14:41
immediately. I should have changed my
14:44
mindset, but my mindset was still on the street.
14:49
So I almost had like a Karen asked way about me, you know, I
14:53
want to speak to your supervisor.
14:55
Are you throwing my stuff like? Yeah.
15:01
I didn't even realize that this is serious and once I got
15:08
upstairs and cried, it was in my bed.
15:12
I got woke up at 5 in the morning by the, by the
15:15
supervisor of the floor. And she said, the people
15:20
downstairs told me you were rude.
15:24
And I it's 5:00 in the morning. I am don't even know where I am
15:29
at this point and I'm getting this lecture about my attitude
15:33
to to the people downstairs. So that was really just the
15:38
beginning of lesson after lesson after lesson, getting me to that
15:43
five point five year mark, where I really realized I'm here and
15:49
this is my reality. This is your world.
15:52
Yeah. so Stephanie, when you finally get to think he's you
15:58
first go to Danbury, When you walk in there, which can you
16:04
walk us through your pockets inside their your first day?
16:08
How you were accepted in and what you kind of dealt with how
16:12
you got into the prison world, because it's the unknown, you
16:15
know, you're in jail. Now, you're going to something.
16:18
And I think the difference with that is that when you enter into
16:21
the prison world, you know that this isn't me going to be here
16:25
for a day or two. This is me setting up my new
16:29
life and I think that is a mindset adjustment too.
16:33
Is that, you know, you know, whether it's 3510 that this is
16:39
going to be where I remember the night before I voluntarily
16:44
surrendered and we drove and the sun was going down.
16:48
And I saw the guys walk in the fence and I can see inside the
16:51
prison like guys, like around the bunk beds and stuff and I
16:54
was thinking, I didn't say anything to Julie my wife, but I
16:57
was thinking, oh my God. Auro night that's going to be me
17:02
in there. That's my world.
17:04
My world changes from out here looking in wondering what
17:07
they're doing to actually being in that world.
17:11
It was such a strange thought process because I didn't know
17:15
that world at all like I was only viewing it from the
17:18
outside. So then when you enter into it,
17:21
how did it feel for you entering because you almost feel like you
17:24
get prison eyes when they process you?
17:28
The whole process is very long, very long drawn-out, lot of
17:32
waiting, a lot of uncomfortable situations.
17:37
So by the time I got to Danbury, it was night, it was probably
17:41
like 11 at night. Everyone was in bed, compound
17:45
closed, dark. Mark, and they led me to my room
17:50
after I got a virus out of R&D and they sent me to my room and,
17:56
you know, anytime anybody new comes, it's exciting.
17:59
Like people want to see who the new people are and everybody
18:04
woke up out of their beds. It's like a room with about 12.
18:08
People sleeping in bunk beds and the first two people who started
18:12
asking me questions. Looks like two gentlemen.
18:17
And I just started crying. I said, I thought this was a
18:21
women's prison. I was so green and what I was
18:28
about to experience in my life. So That first night was tough.
18:35
I think I went to the shoe like my first week, you know, getting
18:41
into it with some lady but but each experience, Really taught
18:50
me something. And I can definitely say, I came
18:53
out much more humble, much more humble than I went in and that
19:00
can only be a quest. More empathetic.
19:07
Yes, because I never thought this would be me when you get in
19:13
and you are stripped of everything, your nice clothes,
19:17
or your makeup or whatever. And you get in and you get
19:21
stripped of all that, then you have to start dealing with just
19:24
the real simple. You?
19:26
Yes. And that's a teaching thing.
19:29
That's, that's something you can learn by.
19:33
And as much as I laugh about my, my sense, as a mentor and rdap
19:40
the residential drug abuse program.
19:49
There. Whether I want to to say I did
19:54
or not, did I feel like I needed a drug program because I consume
19:58
cannabis prior to my car 37. No.
20:02
But did I take what I could get from the experience and use it
20:08
today? Sure, I do.
20:10
Yeah. And I think, you know the the
20:11
program is all about rational thinking you handle situations,
20:15
how do you deal with something when it's in front of you.
20:17
So there's some, there's some things in there that really I
20:21
think you can use. I think it's interesting how you
20:23
say about the, the things that Itachi humbling yourself.
20:28
I don't know that you can humble anybody more than taking them,
20:33
and taking your freedom and, and being in a society that does not
20:38
have freedom. And your told, you know, when
20:42
you can go, what you can do, how you can do it.
20:45
And then you have to create a world in that.
20:47
And it is so humbling. And I think the other thing that
20:49
you brought up Definitely about being empathetic.
20:52
There's there's something about you know, when you are in and
20:59
then you get out, you don't react to people the same way,
21:02
you know, you really try to understand who that person is.
21:06
You don't take somebody who has a book by it's cover.
21:09
You really want to understand what that person is and who that
21:13
person is and not assume. Because there's so many people
21:16
you mean prison. You know people ask me like
21:18
what's the biggest surprise and And for me, it was that I met a
21:24
lot of good people that I lived with and I didn't expect that.
21:29
That was maybe one of the bigger surprises to me, was that people
21:33
were right when I got in helped me and I didn't expect that.
21:36
I thought from what I'd seen on Netflix and everything else,
21:39
that was not going to survive the night, but it wasn't like
21:42
that at all. Getting in there Stephanie and
21:48
getting a part of it. Did you?
21:51
Did you have anybody that, you know, getting it into the world
21:55
of did that? You have people that kind of
21:57
taught you the prison rules and life and or did you get a good
22:03
prison job? Like how did that all work for
22:05
you while you were in because you were there for and you said
22:08
you went to five different prisons.
22:09
I don't know how long you were damn Berry, but how did you get
22:12
into the world? And make your routine.
22:18
Well, for the most part, your routine is set for you.
22:21
Breakfast is at a certain time, laundry is at a certain time, so
22:28
it's pretty much set for you. One thing I was not willing to
22:31
do, was working the kitchen. I like to cook that.
22:35
I did not want to work in a kitchen.
22:37
So, like my first week there, I got offered a job in education.
22:46
The teacher Tommy matney online or something and said, you know,
22:52
do you want to work in education?
22:53
So I got ESL for the majority of my time.
22:57
It was a decent as far as prison paying jobs, go maybe 80 a month
23:04
that was a big deal but I pain. Yeah, that's how I pain but my
23:11
thing was not trying to Get the highest paying job because they
23:16
have what's called unicore there and they tapped out as the
23:19
highest paying job. Well that's also you working in
23:26
a factory like setting. Yeah.
23:29
Billing contracts for outside people write for Penny.
23:34
Yes, and I refuse to do that. And so I took a job that I felt
23:40
good about. That said, my soul, which was
23:44
teaching people English. It was all different kinds of
23:49
people. People would say, oh, you speak
23:50
Spanish and I'm like, well, it's not I'm not teaching a Spanish
23:54
class, I'm teaching English and I had all different Aunt types
23:59
of people in there from all parts of the world who are just
24:03
as eager to learn English. And for certain people, it was
24:07
required like people from Puerto Rico.
24:11
It was a required thing, so I enjoy doing that.
24:16
And then my last year, I worked in wreck, just for fun.
24:20
I think, I think what you're hitting on though is that you
24:23
don't, my big fear was losing, what made me me in prison, and I
24:28
think, The world that you got into, you found something that
24:32
filled you up that you also were giving back.
24:35
I mean you're helping people and you weren't you know, we're
24:40
doing something mindless in a factory situation like you know
24:43
core but it felt more like you and I think you know that's a
24:48
good strategy in, any situation is not to lose yourself in a
24:54
situation. Try as much as you can to get as
24:57
much as you can. And not to lose yourself and
25:00
sounds like to me that that was kind of a connection or Escape
25:03
for you to keep being you. Exactly going into obviously,
25:08
education is the nicest building.
25:10
It was the only building that had air conditioning.
25:13
So I was automatically and it got very hot there in the
25:16
summer. We talked about that Stephanie
25:20
real quick cuz that's funny to me because, you know,
25:24
Leavenworth didn't have air conditioning either and did you
25:27
know that it didn't have air conditioning for you?
25:28
What? I didn't know anything about
25:31
prison before I went. I always thought I didn't know
25:35
anybody in prison. I was person is present.
25:39
I didn't know anyone in prison really.
25:41
Yeah, I just think it's funny on the, on the air conditioning
25:45
thing because people say how in the world, did you do that
25:49
without air conditioning? And it's funny because you, you
25:53
adapt to that to, you know, we kind of figured out because he
25:57
got in Kansas. Why do you find that funny?
26:00
Because you, we haven't even gotten to when I got to Phoenix
26:04
prison camp Phoenix. Yes, that's hot.
26:07
Looks like 120 in the summer. All night long, no air
26:12
conditioning there and we had no air conditioning.
26:14
Thank God, I worked in wreck. We had an air-conditioned.
26:17
Yes, there you are. Got to figure it out, I just
26:20
spent all my time in the wreck office.
26:23
They had a funny thing that they did, our stranger odd.
26:26
I guess it should be. Is that because it got hot Is
26:30
they, the, the inmates had figured out that you open the
26:34
windows at night. Let the cool area and you close
26:37
the windows in the day because you don't want it to be a
26:40
furnace to heat the place up and it kind of worked.
26:44
I mean, there were like six or seven days where it was so hot
26:47
and I can't imagine Arizona. I mean, that to me is like that.
26:51
That's hot, like, the hottest night of all the noise.
26:54
But, but you made it, you made that.
26:57
So that's, I did, I did so, This.
27:01
I was just saying being able to go into an office and sit at a
27:07
desk, you know, those are all Those are all things that
27:13
connected me to my outside life. Yes, was it was that almost hit?
27:18
That was a chair to have a cushion.
27:20
Was a good because most people listen.
27:22
I said it was education. So it was, you know, kind of
27:26
like the Crown Jewel of the compound with the library and,
27:31
you know, everyone had offices. It was the closest thing going
27:36
into. Yes, yes.
27:38
Yeah. Because, you know, the, the
27:40
other part of the prison is you Out of plastic chair, locker and
27:43
a bunk bed and that is your world.
27:46
And if you can find something that feels a little bit more
27:51
home-like comfortable, that's a big deal.
27:54
I had a job working at the Food Warehouse where we kind of had
27:57
our own thing up there and it was it was a good Escape for the
28:02
day and then you come back to prison and that was really
28:08
relate to what you're saying on that.
28:11
Not only just that kind of Escape, but everywhere else on
28:15
the compound you're surrounded by people.
28:19
There's very few places that you have access to where you can be
28:24
alone, but working in a classroom that was my classroom.
28:30
Yeah. So I could go in there anytime I
28:33
wanted. To prepare lessons or just sit
28:37
at my desk or read, but that being alone.
28:41
Yeah. And that time having that I,
28:45
that was the most important thing about the job, just having
28:48
that time and that place to go to be alone.
28:52
Yeah. And I think that's something
28:54
that when you think about prison you it's the loneliest place
28:59
that you can be with a lot of people you know isn't that
29:02
strange around people all the time?
29:03
But you It's also somewhat lonely because you're you're in
29:08
an environment that is I mean not not.
29:12
I'm trying to think of the word for that but it's a weird
29:15
dynamic for the mine. I know Stephanie by is talking
29:20
before we get on that. You ended up being transferred
29:25
to different places. Can you come to describe to
29:27
that? Because that's one of the, like,
29:28
the prison nightmares is being having to transfer yourself into
29:32
other places when you Our prisoner.
29:37
Right. Praying, you have to usually go
29:42
through a transfer center which is an Oklahoma that the transfer
29:48
center is much nicer than the alternative and sometimes to
29:52
fulfill a contract. They have with the county,
29:56
they'll send people there. So as you land, you can either
30:01
go inside the, you know, building that still up to
30:04
Federal standards or you get a black X on your hand, which
30:08
means you go to County. So I did that several times.
30:13
The first time I was in shock, I thought I was not going to make
30:17
it the second and third time, I went through there.
30:20
I at least knew what to expect, but I was prepared transferring
30:27
is I traveled commercially alone while I was filling in custody.
30:39
I went from I went from Waseca Minnesota to Phoenix Arizona.
30:49
I went from Phoenix, Arizona to Victorville.
30:54
Victorville to Phoenix. I went to my father's funeral
30:58
alone, right? All this while in custody and
31:03
the first time I had actually been alone.
31:07
In six years, I was transferring prisons.
31:10
I was going on a flight, I had no i.d. except for my prison ID
31:15
and note from the warden with Mike, my mug shot on it
31:19
explaining who I was and just for a little extra insurance if
31:23
they Any problems I've got on Grace with.
31:27
I've got a mesh bag. I'm feeling horrible at this
31:30
airport, absolutely horrible. I'm feeling so out of place.
31:35
Everyone's on their cell phones and dressed.
31:38
Nice. And here I am.
31:40
Just so, I walk up to where I did my ID, I hand her my prison
31:46
ID. She looks at it, she goes.
31:50
Okay, no problem. I'm going to use Supervisor over
31:53
here. You're so then the supervisor
31:55
come I have to get extra pat down and I'm just feeling like I
32:01
want to get back to my captors. If that makes any sense.
32:04
I want to get back to where I feel normal.
32:08
Yeah. And how long have you been in
32:09
prison? A free world.
32:10
I was when you were traveling like this.
32:13
Yeah, that's a long time. Yeah.
32:15
Did you throw you out into an airport after you know, six
32:19
years of being and captivity? And yeah, yeah, no.
32:23
I I totally get that. That's so weird.
32:28
That's a weird thing and that that's what your mind was
32:31
thinking is, I'm so out of it here, I feel so more normalized
32:37
in the other environment, but you've been in that environment
32:40
for 6 years. And once I got back, I felt
32:45
better because oh, everybody's an ugly gray, sweat.
32:48
Everybody's got, you know, a mesh bag.
32:52
Nobody's on a cell phone. Yeah.
32:55
So I didn't feel out of place, but once I got, and I thought to
32:58
myself, is that what it's going to feel like when I get out?
33:02
Yeah, how long will it feel like that for me once I actually get
33:07
out? Somebody said on one of the
33:09
podcasts that being in prison is like being in black and white.
33:13
Getting out is like Life coming back and color because it's just
33:18
the the way your mind is and how you're surviving that world.
33:22
But The place that you. So you went through our dep, I
33:28
know that you've had an event in your life, where your dad had
33:31
gotten sick and they allowed you are gave you approval to leave,
33:38
but your I don't believe that you made that and time if I'm
33:42
not mistaken, I did not. Yeah, I did not, I was in
33:47
Victorville prison camp at the time, we're furloughs were
33:50
allowed, so when my dad did get sick and it looked like he was
33:54
not Going to make it, I requested to be able to go see
33:59
him in the hospital. He was in Sacramento, I was in
34:02
Victorville, it's an hour fight, and they told me, well if you go
34:07
see him in the hospital you're not going to be able to go to
34:09
the funeral and I said I don't want to go to a funeral.
34:13
I want to go see my father alive and it took them a week to come
34:18
to the conclusion that I could go and that morning is the
34:21
morning that he passed away. So I did end up Traveling alone,
34:26
once again with a large expense to my family to get a
34:31
last-minute ticket. Turn around ticket but I went
34:40
for my family. Yeah.
34:42
Just to support them because my father was gone by that point.
34:47
So yeah, I didn't I didn't really care about that and I did
34:53
I went to the funeral and I turned right.
34:55
Around went right back to the airport.
34:57
Got picked up by another inmate at LAX.
35:03
We drove through hit in and out on the way home on the way back
35:07
it's did that. What and first as far as
35:12
attending that service where you able to dress a normal clothes
35:15
and and and my sister had clothes ready for me.
35:20
Yeah, my sister had clothes ready for me at her house.
35:23
So we were able to go to her house.
35:25
Stop change, go to the funeral, turn around and head back to the
35:30
airport. I had to be back by 11:00.
35:33
That night was there, any talk along the time that you were in
35:37
that things were going to change and people are going to get out
35:40
because of the kind of charge you had or age you decided that
35:44
that wasn't going to happen for you.
35:47
There wasn't really a lot of talk about it.
35:51
There were there would be talked about different things that were
35:54
getting people out like when Obama did a bunch of clemency
35:58
but that was her crack. There was never any talk about
36:04
cannabis specifically. So once I started to see what
36:09
the industry was turning into outside, while I sat inside with
36:14
other people doing the same thing, but There's people on TV
36:18
talking about how the industry is booming, and it's legalizing
36:21
state after state but I didn't know of anything like the last
36:25
prisoner project because they were just getting started.
36:28
So I didn't I felt like I'm just going to do this time.
36:34
I never thought there was going to be helped for me.
36:37
The great thing about what we do.
36:39
Now at Last Resort project is letting people know.
36:42
They don't have to feel like that there are people outside
36:46
here. Working for their freedom and
36:51
that's about a feel better than what I experienced.
36:54
Absolutely. I'd much rather know, somebody's
36:57
coming for me on a desert island and not you know, when I say
37:00
there's an old quote, this is don't ever take somebody's hope
37:03
away because that might be all they have.
37:05
And let's let's talk about because of the amount of time
37:10
that you were in. You started getting close to the
37:12
door and a lot of prisoners get kind of weirded out and I you
37:16
know, I've solved. In my world, there were people
37:18
that would then catch another charge because they were scared
37:21
to get out that they'd gotten. So used to the ugly prison
37:25
world, that was their comfort and then Freedom was scary, how
37:31
did you start to feel once? You knew I'm only six months
37:34
away or eight months away. What was going on in your world
37:38
in your thinking like what's what am I get?
37:41
A what's that world get to be for me when I get what was what
37:44
was going through your mind? The entire time of my
37:48
incarceration. I thought, oh, I don't know why
37:51
these people are acting weird about going home.
37:53
I can't wait to go home. I have a great life at home, but
37:57
the closer it got to that time after learning all that I had
38:01
over that time. I got scared because I'm a
38:05
different person. Now, I don't have the same
38:07
rights outside so I started to get nervous.
38:11
Even though I know what I'm capable of, I still felt You
38:16
down, you know, my self-esteem has taken a beating being in
38:19
prison and being talked to a certain way and treated a
38:24
certain way and I was scared getting out.
38:30
I didn't know how I was going to fill and when I got out the
38:33
pandemic hit soon after right, let's talk about the day you go
38:37
because they had to be they had to be a graded just feeling.
38:40
Let's I always say it's like Christmas as a little kid, the
38:43
times it by a million. What was that day?
38:46
Like, for you. Stephanie.
38:47
Finally, and made it to the door.
38:49
You sign all these papers. You have no idea what those
38:51
papers are. You just know that you want to
38:53
leave and you walk out. What do you walk out to?
38:57
Well, prior to that, I spent my last month and County do tell.
39:08
My Bunkie and I and something happened.
39:12
And then I basically I got accused of bullying.
39:18
My snoring bunky and the sis person, he actually snores and
39:27
took a very, very offensively. So I he sent me to County and
39:31
all I wanted to know because I knew at this point, I could do
39:34
time anywhere, I don't care. Am I still going home on
39:37
February 6th? Yeah, that's all I want to know
39:40
because I did rdap possible that that time could have been taken
39:44
away. The program could have been
39:46
taken away. It's very scary because there,
39:48
Carrying time period of the, you could be put back on Eric's,
39:52
yes, a whole year. So I was very scared, but once I
39:56
found out that they were not going to take my program and
40:01
that I would come back the night before I left.
40:04
So I came back from County the night before I left and I do not
40:08
care. One bit about doing that time
40:10
County, as long as I knew, I was walking out those doors on
40:14
February 6, which I did. My sister has sent me clothes,
40:19
first time wearing real clothes and in many years, That's a
40:26
great feeling. It was exciting.
40:28
And then they took me to a bunch of, of the three of us.
40:32
Getting out another inmate drove us to the bus station.
40:38
Then, you know, then it's up to you.
40:40
They put this weird thing is, if you have money on your account,
40:44
they give you a card with your money on the account but you
40:47
can't activate the card without a phone.
40:51
But you have to have a phone to activate the card but you need
40:54
the money off the card to get the phone.
40:57
So I'm standing and Walmart, trying to figure out who can I
41:00
ask to use their phone? Who's going to let some chick
41:04
wandering around the Walmart parking lot?
41:06
Use their phone and I saw a brother and I explained to him
41:11
my situation he said he had family who had just got now, he
41:15
knows what it's like, he helped me get my card activated.
41:19
I was able to get a phone, talk to my parents.
41:23
Get to the halfway house, stayed at the halfway house for a month
41:27
and then came home on home confinement.
41:30
Well, wow, it's a lot. It is.
41:34
It's a lot. I could go on and on, and on and
41:38
so many layers to the experience.
41:42
Which is why it's so important for me to fight for those people
41:46
and end this experience in this nightmare for them.
41:50
Give them back home, too. Their families will talk about
41:54
Stephanie because it's not easy to get back out into society.
41:57
I mean, it's, you know, we were just talking about this before
41:59
you came on so many people go back, you know, the fight is to,
42:03
to be doing something that keeps you engaged and going forward.
42:11
Let what How did you get back into the world?
42:17
Just working with the last prisoner project.
42:24
T' working with the last prisoner project and getting to
42:28
know the constituents families and knowing that I'm doing
42:33
something on a daily basis to further the possibility of them
42:40
coming home sooner. The Kevin Allen who are doing
42:43
life, the Parker Coleman's murdering 60 years for the same
42:48
thing that I could go several different places within a
42:50
two-mile radius and purchase and consume and People not be
42:55
worried about getting arrested. Can you explain a little bit
42:59
about, you know, I know you came to the last prisoner project,
43:01
you got, you got started it and then you became part of it
43:05
full-time. Can you just kind of explain how
43:09
the last prisoner project works? Because I wasn't aware of it
43:12
until Seth start talking to me about it.
43:14
Then we met just all the different things that you guys
43:17
are doing. Okay, really quickly.
43:22
Last prisoner project, we work for the release.
43:25
We work for policy change, we work for re-entry Services,
43:29
ultimately expungement, anything just to help those who have been
43:36
negatively impacted, we give out re-entry grants to those who
43:41
have been recently released for cannabis charges.
43:45
We match them up with pro bono attorney.
43:49
To help with compassionate release and clemency filing.
43:54
We just tried to look at what the needs are and Well, those
44:00
needs, you know what's the first thing?
44:03
People need money when they get out?
44:04
Right, everybody doesn't have support.
44:06
So we do a lot of Partnerships. We work with a lot of different
44:10
brands or dispensaries people in the industry people out of the
44:14
industry. Honestly, regular people who
44:17
understand that privilege to be able to walk into a beautiful,
44:21
dispensary and consume. So all of these people help us
44:27
do the work that we do. So through donations and
44:31
partnership, we're able to do a lot of really good work.
44:36
It's great and I mean, being able to use your experience and
44:40
affect people's lives, hopefully, you know, affect it,
44:44
in a way that can be something that you weren't able to have.
44:48
When you were going through everything that you went
44:51
through, but to be able to use all that experience that you
44:53
gained. And, you know, I have always
44:55
said that it's so important to have people like you at the It's
45:00
great. It's great to have people who
45:01
are Advocates and they think this is unfair, but I think it's
45:04
even more important to have people who've actually lived.
45:07
It experienced it felt it. And when they're at the table, I
45:11
think more can get done because of the passion of what, you
45:16
know, the experience of what, you know, and how, how that can
45:19
really truly affect people. And I think there's nothing to
45:23
replace that. And I'm not saying that the
45:24
other Advocates are not effective and shouldn't be at
45:27
the table. But having somebody at the Table
45:30
that has that World experience of really living it is.
45:36
It's a difference-maker, I think.
45:37
And I hope, you know, from what you're doing.
45:41
Stephanie that there's more people that become part of.
45:44
I think the other thing that's interesting is that you can't
45:47
get into the Cannabis world, you know, doesn't matter of
45:50
California or Colorado, or all 50 states decided to make it
45:55
legal. It's a federal law that it's
45:58
illegal and we're Once you're a federal convicted felon, you
46:03
have that to deal with. So and you also have a, you also
46:06
have the issues of like, you know, you're in a situation
46:11
where in California getting your license back as a real estate
46:17
agent, you're a convicted felon. Now there's a lot of real estate
46:20
agents that are smoking marijuana and going in the in
46:24
the state is selling marijuana but you deal with a whole
46:28
different brand. And of being branded as an
46:31
ex-felon. So you have to take extra steps
46:33
if you even want to get back into that market because it's a
46:36
case-by-case basis. So you you just don't walk in
46:39
and get licensed. Again you have to carry that
46:40
with you and that's yeah that's something that I find as a
46:46
common theme of people who make it is that they know that
46:51
they've got a gridded up a little extra because they're
46:54
going to be asked those questions you even talked about
46:57
when you got your, your job. At the coffee shop that you, you
47:02
had to fight for that. You know, they weren't, they
47:04
weren't just going to give it to you, you.
47:06
I'm sure you looked very I mean, I'm sure you interviewed.
47:09
Well, I mean you interview well podcast but that doesn't mean
47:12
they're going to just give you a job.
47:13
You had to fight for that. So everything you do, when you
47:16
get out, getting out is wonderful.
47:19
It's a fantastic thing but staying out is you have to fight
47:23
for it. And and I think where you're at
47:25
right now is so Incredibly cool that you're in this place, last
47:31
prisoner project and you know everything about it and you've
47:35
lived it and you can you can take people's experience and
47:39
give them hope that they've got something to look forward to and
47:40
maybe a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
47:43
I I think You know, did you ever have I meant to ask you this,
47:50
did you ever have like a rock bottom moment for yourself?
47:53
Because I know it had to be a little bit weird for you getting
47:55
out of prison and then it going into covid.
47:58
Like current code was a lockdown for this world and you can't get
48:03
it out, right, but I was used to being locked in a small space.
48:09
You know, this was me locked up in my bedroom.
48:14
Yeah. With a TV and comfortable bed,
48:19
and a kitchen within steps away. If I want to make whatever I
48:23
want to eat, so it felt like the best version of the life I had
48:27
already been. Bang.
48:29
So we'll have to go into like a part.
48:31
Two sounds that's good though. I mean it's a really good way of
48:37
putting that because everybody got into a lockdown the first
48:39
time in our whole history of our world.
48:41
Everybody in the world got locked down to couldn't do what
48:44
they want to do, couldn't be where they wanted to be in, you
48:47
walked out of prison and kind of fell into 2020 and things were
48:52
different but like you said, it wasn't as bad as where you were
48:55
in prison. So Stephanie, you know, looking
49:00
go ahead have to do it. We're gonna have to do part two
49:03
because I have to go. Well, you do?
49:06
Well do. Let's just one question after
49:10
everything that you've been through.
49:12
What do you think? Is your biggest takeaway?
49:19
After everything that I've been through the biggest takeaway
49:22
would have to be that it's not over, it's not over until these
49:27
people who are sitting where I was sitting just three short
49:30
years ago. Yeah our home and moving on with
49:34
my life, the way I'm trying to do today so it's not over well
49:37
when I love it Stephanie, thanks so much.
49:41
I'm going to finish up here and give everybody the information,
49:45
thanks for being my guest so much appreciated your soul.
49:49
Welcome, thank you for having me.
49:51
Thank you for everybody out there, looking for a book.
49:57
I wrote One nightmare success in and out.
49:59
You can get it at Barnes and Noble.
50:01
You can get it at Amazon. If you want to, I'd love it.
50:06
If you could leave me a review on Apple, just go up to the top
50:12
there. And you scroll down to the
50:14
bottom of the page, where you see the reviews, click on, write
50:16
a review. I love that.
50:17
It really helps the show. If you want to send me a message
50:20
or find out anything going on with Brett Cassidy, go to Brent
50:23
kasa.com, leave me a message. Appreciate everybody being here,
50:29
Stephanie. Thank you so much as I used to
50:32
say when I was typing. My e-mails back in prison, stay
50:35
strong and I'll do the same nightmare in and out.
50:38
Thanks, folks.