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The Worst Things People Say To Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what is the worst thing that you can say to a survivor of
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  narcissistic or toxic abuse? What's the worst thing that you
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  can the the worst words that can leave your lips, that can hurt
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  or destroy or set back or trigger a survivor of toxic
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  narcissistic abuse or survivor of a narcissistic relationship.
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself.
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  Here to give you the POV inside the mind of a narcissist and
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  let's hop right into it. Y'all like seriously?
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  So there is like survivors of domestic violence or
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  narcissistic abuse, any type of relationship, any type of toxic
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  relationship have a lot to go through.
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  They have a lot to deal with. They have a lot to process,
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  right? So one of the last things that
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  they need is people in their lives that don't understand what
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  they're going through and that say some of the worst word, they
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  utter some of the worst words imaginable, right?
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  So in this video, I'm going to go over a list of words that you
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  could set your person back, could set help set you back or
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  whatever. Could it hurt your feelings?
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  And this is like these words or these phrases right here are not
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  in any particular order, y'all. It's just in the in the order I
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  wrote them in. There's no order of severity
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  because everybody's relationship is going to be different.
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  Everybody's healing process is going to be different.
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  So the first thing I got written down here is just leave.
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  You should just leave. That's what people tell you,
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  right? When you're a survivor of a
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  toxic narcissistic relationship or whatever the case may be,
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  right? Telling somebody telling you to
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  just leave is could be extremely detrimental to your life, right?
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  Extremely detrimental to your healing.
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  And just leaving could also put you in danger if you have the
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  wrong type of person that you're dealing with, right?
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  You have a dangerous narcissistic person that you're
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  dealing with. Somebody telling you to just
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  leave doesn't help you all help you at all.
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  You know what I mean? Somebody tell it like just leave
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  like it's easy. People who tell you to just
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  leave or don't understand what you've been through or don't
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  care, they're just trying to give you the simplest.
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  They're trying to give you the simplest exit.
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  They're trying to find the exit route, the simplest exit route
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  for you. Not trying to put any, any type
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  of work to help you, anything like that.
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  Just the simplest exit route. Just leave.
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  Why don't you just leave? Get out, Just leave the
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  relationship. Don't that, don't that, don't
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  that sound like the narcissist, right?
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  Don't the narcissist say that too sometimes?
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  Don't the abusive person in your life, don't they say that
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  sometimes as well? You should just leave.
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  If you're not happy here, why don't you just leave, right?
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  Why don't you just get out? You should just get out.
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  You should just leave. That's how that's that's how
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  they work. They'll just tell you to just
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  leave. It's they think it's just as
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  simple as that. You're not happy.
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  Leave. That's the simplest way.
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  That's the simplest way I could put it.
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  If you're not happy in this relationship, get out.
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  Get out. I know a lot of people have
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  experienced that as well. When somebody tell you if you're
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  not happy, just get out of the relationship.
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  So that doesn't help anybody. Survivors thrive with disorder.
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  Telling them somebody telling you to just leave doesn't help,
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  right? All right, Next thing I have
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  written now right here is get over it.
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  Just get over it. Get over it.
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  Like sound like Scorpio from Mortal Kombat on it.
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  Get over it, right? But that helps nobody out either
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  somebody telling you to just to get over what you've been
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  through, like it's that easy to release the damage or or the
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  trauma of emotional abuse or toxic abuse or narcissistic
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  abuse or physical abuse. Just get over it.
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  It's all it's in the past, right?
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  Who does that sound like? Sometimes these phrases right
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  here could trigger you because they sound like you're
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  narcissistic ex right, they sound like your narcissistic
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  partner. They sound just like I'm like
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  damn like just get over it. Just leave like are you are you
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  my daddy? You know what I'm saying It just
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  it sounds like them, so it could be extremely.
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  It could be particularly triggering to you to hear this
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  type of stuff now, couldn't it yes.
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  Somebody telling you to just leave or just get over it does
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  not help you all in the slightest so that right there
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  doesn't help get over it. The next thing that I have
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  written down right here y'all is you.
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  Hell no, get over it. You should forgive them.
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  You should forgive Damn. Well, Lee, forgiveness is in the
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  Bible. Yeah, a lot of things are in the
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  Bible, right? But that doesn't mean it applies
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  to your relationship necessarily.
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  Because somebody telling you you should forgive them invalid not
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  only invalidates what you've been through, it just trying to
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  it just blows it trying to blow it away.
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  You should forgive them. There's a lot of times you hear
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  this in relationships where you have a narcissistic parent,
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  right? You should forgive your mom.
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  You should forgive your dad. You only get one dad.
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  You only get one mom. Yeah.
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  And the one I got is abusive. OK, What the hell?
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  The one I got is neglectful. The one I got is a psychopath.
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  What the hell are you talking about?
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  I should just forgive them? No, I don't think, I don't think
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  forgiveness is necessary. But if you feel, if you feel the
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  need to forgive, don't reconcile.
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  Forgiveness and reconciliation often get mixed up.
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  They are not the same thing. Just because you forgive someone
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  doesn't mean you have to allow them back into your life.
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  Sometimes forgiveness can be the gateway to helping you heal,
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  right? Forgiveness can be the gateway
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  to helping you release yourself and helping you just move
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  forward, right? But for reconciliation, I
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  forgive my mom for doing this, but I'm not reconciling where
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  I'm not breaking no contact. Do you see what I'm saying?
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  There's there's a whole different thing right there.
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  So somebody telling you that you should forgive them does not
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  help you out in the slightest, does not help you out at all.
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  How does they help you get? How does they help you at all?
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  Somebody telling you you you should just review a dude.
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  No, that's somebody who's not like that's somebody that is not
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  well like in they're trying to help you out the most right?
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  That might be trying to help you out, but that person might just
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  be tired of hearing you talk about the old relationship,
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  tired of hearing you talk about your ex or your, you know,
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  whatever the case may be. That happens.
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  That really does happen to a lot of people.
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  So moving on. The next thing I got written
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  down here and this might set some people off right here.
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  Just take it, take it with a grain of salt.
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  Just find someone else. You should just find somebody
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  else. You know the quickest way, the
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  best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, get
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  behind someone else, hop on top of someone else.
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  No, yo, you know how many people I stood up my one on ones over
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  Zoom, right? Do you know how many people I've
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  spoken to that have said like Lee, I tried to, I tried to move
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  on quickly and I found a worse person.
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  Like my narcissist, my previous narcissistic toxic ex was just
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  emotionally abusive, right? I'm not saying just this is what
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  they said. This is what they said.
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  They were just emotionally abusive.
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  Now my new my new acts, they're physically mostly abusive.
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  They threaten to underlie me, they try to kick, they're trying
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  to get me locked up. They're doing everything.
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  No, y'all, take your time. This doesn't help you right
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  here. Somebody telling you just that
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  doesn't help you at all. Just move on.
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  Just heal. Just this, just that it helps no
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  one at all, right? Am I right?
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  Yeah. This is what happens.
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  This is what goes on. So this is the, the space that
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  so many people fall into. Most narcissistic people are
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  hoping that you're, they like to catch vulnerable people.
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  So when you're trying to move on for your previous relationship,
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  a lot of times you're going to be in a state of vulnerability.
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  And when you're vulnerable, guess what happens?
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  That narcissistic ex, that narcissistic partner swoops in
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  and tries to ruin your damn life.
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  That's what I'm saying. Somebody else, somebody new, the
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  new narcissist gets you while you're vulnerable from the old
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  narcissist. And then it's harder to leave
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  the new narcissist because you're Trump on to the ex and
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  you're Trump on to the new person.
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  Slow down, somebody telling you to go sleep with somebody else
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  or just move on fast. That's not good advice.
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  All of these things right here, everything that I say right
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  here, I'm I'm gonna say this today.
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  Never mind, I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna come back to I'm gonna
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  come back to well intended bad advice because a lot of people
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  give it and a lot of people out there receiving it.
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  There's two more I have written down.
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  If I miss anything, if y'all can think of some something that
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  somebody said to you that didn't help you and at all make sure
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  you just drop it in the comment section.
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  I'm Oh yeah, we open the groan. We open the growth.
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  We're open the groan. The next thing right here.
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  It can't be that bad. You stayed 20 years.
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  You had four kids with them. You, you, you renewed your vows
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  last year. It can't be that bad because you
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  didn't leave, right? They'll tell you this stuff.
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  They'll tell you that your relationship or that the abuse
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  that you've experienced can't be that bad.
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  They'll tell you that straight up.
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  They'll tell you it can't be that bad because you stayed
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  through it. Not that you survived it, that
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  you stayed through it. So they'll try to look, they try
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  to use your presence in the relationship to invalidate what
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  you've been through. Well, you stayed through it, so
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  it couldn't have been that bad. Well, you you having another kid
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  with them, so it couldn't be that bad.
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  Why would you have another kid with somebody who's abusing you?
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  Why would you get her pregnant again if you said she was a
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  horrible mom the first time and so it couldn't have been that
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  bad? You might be over exaggerated,
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  you might be making things up, you might be in the wrong here.
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  You see what I'm saying? Tell somebody it can't be that
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  bad. Can be one of the worst things
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  that can happen. Seriously.
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  And last but not least, whoo whoo, drum roll please.
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  What did you do? I know a lot of y'all there have
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  heard that. What did you do?
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  It you know both of you, both you both did think both of y'all
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  were in the wrong. What did you do to make this
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  person abuse you? What did you do to make this
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  person put their hands on you? What did you do?
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  What role did you play? It couldn't have all.
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  It couldn't all have been them, right?
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  It couldn't be all on them. What did you do?
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  I refuse to believe that anybody would be treating you this way
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  if you didn't play a role in it. So what did you do?
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  There are so many people out there that are experiencing this
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  right here, this phenomenon about what they did or getting
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  accused of doing something that they that they didn't do.
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  What did you do is one of the statements that can keep
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  somebody bound in a toxic relationship for, for, for for a
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  long time, for longer than what they should be, right?
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  Because if somebody tells you, what did you do, you start
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  thinking you're like, well, well, I'm not perfect.
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  I used to, you'll start saying things like this.
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  Well, I'm not perfect either. I, I made mistakes too.
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  I did this, I did that. You'll start trying to find ways
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  to blame yourself in order to justify you.
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  See what I'm saying? That's why all of this, all of
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  these things that you've heard today can make you start to
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  question your role in the relationship.
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  This is why none of these things, somebody tell me this
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  stuff doesn't help you out, doesn't help you at all in your
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  healing journey. It could help you separate
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  yourself from the person who said it, right?
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  Could help you get away from that person for a little while
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  or to minimize their role in your life because they're not
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  helping you. They're actually, you know,
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  they're actually exasperating what you went through.
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  What not right? So it's just like whatever
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  happens in this situation, it's like, what did you do helps no
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  one. Like none of this stuff helps
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  anybody. All this stuff can help get help
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  keep you stuck, stuck in the mud of a toxic narcissistic
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  relationship stuck, muddling through and trying to wonder how
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  you got here or try to wonder what comes next.
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  Stuck here, not moving forward, not healing, not doing any of
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  this type of stuff right here. Stuck.
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  So you want to be around people to help you get unstuck because
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  all of the all of this stuff that I went through today can
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  also be phrased under the category well, well intended bad
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  advice. So not all of them.
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  Some of them can't write well intended bad advice is the term
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  I heard in the book Out out of the Fog by Dana Mone star.
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  She talks about how some people in your life are trying to give
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  you advice to help you heal and is well intended, but it's just
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  bad advice. You should just forgive them is
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  well intended, but it's bad advice, right?
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  Go find somebody else, find somebody better to there's a
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  there's 1000. There's plenty of fishing to
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  see. It's well intended, but it it's
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  absolutely could be bad advice in in that space that you're in
• 12:00
  right now. Anyway, y'all thing y'all made
• 12:03
  to the end of my video, y'all? My new series is releasing
• 12:06
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• 12:08
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• 12:12
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  Instagram and Facebook, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube and
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• 12:22
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• 12:27
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• 12:30
  You don't want to miss this. It's going to be a very good
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  series. If you want your story to be in
• 12:35
  this same form, e-mail me at mentalillness85@gmail.com.
• 12:40
  If you want to book a call or take one of my courses, check
• 12:43
  them out at mentalillness.net. Y'all.
• 12:45
  Anyway, y'all hit the subscribe button if you haven't.
• 12:47
  And it's always y'all. It's always misses out.
• 12:51
  Peace.