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This is Not a Fling : Why Your Financial Advisor Should Know Your Family for Generations · The Happiness in Retirement® Hour

0:00
Welcome to the Happiness in Retirement podcast, where
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we help you turn your retirement dreams into reality. Each
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week, we'll dive into smart financial strategies, lifestyle
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tips, and expert insights to help you build a fulfilling and
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already enjoying retirement, this is your go-to place
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for inspiration and practical advice. So sit
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back, relax, and let's make your golden years the
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best years. Del
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Sette Capital Management, LLC. Del Sette is
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a registered investment advisor. Advisory services are only
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offered to clients or prospective clients where Del Sette and its
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representatives are properly licensed or exempt from licensure. For
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additional information, please visit our website at www.happinessinretirement.com.
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Hello, and welcome to this episode of the Happiness in
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Retirement podcast, because the road to retirement
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should be an adventure, not a survival strategy.
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Thank you for joining me today. I'm your host, Bill Del-Sette. Let's get
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right into it. You know, there are some relationships in life
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that are temporary. You may drive the same car for five or
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six years. You may live in a house for a decade and then move.
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You may have a favorite restaurant, a favorite vacation spot,
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maybe even a favorite routine, but it can come and go over
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time. I believe, humbly, that your relationship with
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a financial advisor should be different. It's not a
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fling, and here's why. When you choose the right
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financial advisor, you're potentially choosing someone who will
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walk beside you and your family for decades. And
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ideally, that relationship doesn't end with you. You
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see, it can continue with your spouse, it continues with
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your children, and maybe someday it even continues with
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your grandchildren. It should be multi-generational. You
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see, it should be about understanding a family. How do
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you put a price tag on being known? So think
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about what happens when you've worked with someone for 20 or 30 years.
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Your advisor doesn't simply know how much money you have. They
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know the story behind the money. They remember when you were
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building your career and wondering whether you could afford to buy your first home.
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They remember when your children were young and college seemed
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a long way away. I have many stories about the
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kids of our current clients at Del Sette Capital, and
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for many years I actually had a coloring on my
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refrigerator made with crayons of my car.
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parked in their driveway, and those kids today are now
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adults. They remember when you were trying to decide whether to
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start a business, sell a business, retire, or work a little
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longer. They remember the market downturns when you were nervous. They
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remember the opportunities you were excited about. And then remember
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the mistakes you made, and hopefully they helped you avoid a
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few mistakes as well. You see, over time,
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an advisor learns something that no financial statement can
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completely capture. They learn you. They
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understand your relationship with money. the psychology of
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money that you may have. They understand what makes you
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nervous. They understand what gives you confidence. And they certainly know
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your goals and dreams and desires. They understand the difference between
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what you say is important and what your decisions reveal is
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actually important to you. And that knowledge, friends, is
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enormously valuable. And just like money, it
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can compound. You see, we talk a lot in
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financial planning about compound interest. Money earns money,
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and that money earns more money. And over decades, something that started
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relatively small can become very significant. And
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I think relationships work the same way. You see, every
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conversation adds another layer. Every decision
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adds another piece of information. Every market cycle
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adds perspective, every major life transition adds
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history to the file. And eventually, your advisor
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doesn't have to start from scratch every time you walk into the
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office. They understand the context, how important is
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that, the context of your life. They know why certain decisions
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were made or not made. They know what matters to you, your
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relationship with your children and grandchildren. They
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understand the trade-offs you've made along the way. And
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that, friends, is very different from meeting someone for the first time
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and handing them a stack of statements. Now, consider
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that your financial life is like a movie, okay? When
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a new advisor first meets a family, they're seeing a snapshot in
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time. They're seeing the picture. Here's the portfolio. Here's the
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tax return. Here's the estate plan, here's the insurance,
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here's the house, here's the business, here's the retirement account. But
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those documents certainly don't tell the story of your
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life. A long-term advisor has watched the
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movie. They understand how you got here. And often, how
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you got here is essential to understanding where you should go next. Maybe
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you grew up in a family where money was always tight. That may
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explain why having a large amount of cash makes you feel safe. Maybe
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you watched your parents struggle financially in retirement. That
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may explain why running out of money is one of your greatest fears. Maybe
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you started a business from scratch and took enormous risks to build
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your wealth. That may affect the way you think about investing. These
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are not numbers, they are experiences. They're
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emotions, they're values. And good financial planning
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needs to understand your experiences, your
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emotions, and your values. The relationship should
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evolve with your life. So, think of it this way.
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The financial planning you need at 35 shouldn't look exactly like
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the planning you need at 55. and the plenty you need at 75 should
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be different again. Early in life, much of the focus may
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be on building. You're earning money, you're saving, you're investing, protecting
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your income, buying insurance to protect that income, raising
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children, funding college, maybe buying a home, starting
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a business. You're building your financial foundation. Then
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something begins to change. Now think about this. The
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focus starts moving from accumulating money to creating
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financial independence. You begin asking different questions.
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When can I stop working? How much money is enough? What kind
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of lifestyle can I afford? What would retirement actually look
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like for me? Eventually you cross another line. Now
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you're no longer simply accumulating money. You're using the money
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you've spent decades building and once again the questions change. How
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much can I spend? Where should the money come from? How should
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I invest now? When should I claim social security? Should
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I convert money to a Roth IRA? How should I manage taxes?
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How do I protect my spouse? That's a big one. How do I prepare
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for possible long-term care expenses? And what
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do I want to give my children? What experiences do I want while
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I'm still healthy enough to enjoy them? And ultimately, what
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do I want all of this money to accomplish? You see, a
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long-term financial advisor has the opportunity to help
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you navigate every one of these transitions because
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retirement is not the finish line. And one
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of the biggest misconceptions about financial planning is that retirement
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is the destination. We spend 30 or 40 years preparing for
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retirement as though we're approaching some financial finish line. But
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retirement could last another 25, 30, or maybe even 40 years
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with all the medical advances these days. So retirement isn't
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really the finish line, it's transition. And in
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many ways, it's where some of the most interesting financial planning begins.
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During your working year, success is often relatively
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easy to measure. Did we save enough? Did the portfolio grow?
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Did our income increase? Did our net worth increase? Retirement?
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is totally different. Now we're trying to convert financial success into
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life success. The questions become less about accumulation and
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more about meaning. What do I want my days to look like? Where
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do I want to live? Who do I want to spend time with? What do
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I want to experience? What am I still curious about?
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Boy, that's a great question. What gives my life purpose
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ultimately? And how can my money help me do more of those
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things? A financial advisor who has known you for many years is in a position
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to help you answer those questions, especially those of us
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that are registered life planners, but that's the topic of a
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different podcast. Then the family answers the
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picture. At some point something else happens. Your financial plan
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stops being only about you. Your children grow
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up, they begin careers, they get married. They buy homes.
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They have children of their own. Maybe they're starting businesses. Maybe
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they're trying to figure out how much house they can afford. Maybe
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they're deciding how much to contribute to a 401k. Maybe
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they're wondering whether they should buy life insurance. And maybe
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they're beginning to inherit some of the financial responsibility that
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you've carried for decades and help them to understand. And
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suddenly, Financial planning is now multi-generational.
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This is where an advisor can become far more than the person managing
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mom and dad's investment portfolio. You see, they
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can become a financial resource for the family.
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Your children shouldn't meet your financial advisor at your
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funeral. and I've always thought this is one of the most important ideas
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in multi-generational financial planning. They shouldn't meet
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your financial advisor only after you're gone. Now, think
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about the situation here, right? Mom or dad passes away,
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the family is grieving, there are investments, retirement accounts,
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insurance, real estate, estate planning documents, maybe
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trusts, maybe business interests, maybe tax
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issues, and in the middle of all that, someone hands the
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children the business card of a person they've never met. Now
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compare that with a family where the next generation already
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knows the advisor and his or her team. They've met,
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they've sat in meetings, they know where to call, they
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know who understands the plan, the advisor understands the
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family dynamics and the family relationship. So important, folks,
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they understand the estate plan, Maybe they helped in the creation
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of it, working with your attorney. They understand why certain decisions
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were made. They understand what mom and dad wanted the money to
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accomplish. That's a completely different experience. Maybe they've
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had more than one family meeting at their office to
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discuss these issues. Generational planning should
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begin before the wealth transfers. People
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often think estate planning is something that happens at death, but
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the best generational planning happens while everyone is still sitting
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around the table. It involves conversations, it involves education,
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it involves preparing people, it's not just
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numbers. Because eventually your children may inherit not just money,
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but responsibility and the values that
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you have instilled in them. And those aren't the same thing. Someone
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can inherit a million dollars and have absolutely no idea what to
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do with it. Someone can inherit a business and have no idea why
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it was structured the way it was. Someone can inherit a trust and
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not understand their parents' intentions. A
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financial advisory relationship can help prepare the
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next generation before that transition occurs.
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You see, money comes with a story. Every family with wealth
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has one. Maybe the wealth came from a business or it came from
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decades of saving and hard work. Maybe someone worked two jobs
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and the generation before them worked three. Maybe grandparents immigrated
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with very little. Maybe a family lived below its means for
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40 years. Maybe someone took enormous entrepreneurial risk.
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And maybe and probably. There were
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failures along the way. And eventually future generations may
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see only the result. They see the investment accounts, they
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see the house, they see the business, they see the inheritance, but
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they may not understand what went into creating it. And I
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think one of the most valuable things a multi-generational financial
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planning relationship can preserve is that the story
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behind the money, because the story contains Values,
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the things that matter to you. Hard work, discipline, patience,
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risk-taking, generosity, education, family, independence.
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Those values may ultimately be far more important than
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the account balances. You see, Wealth without context
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is just money. Imagine you're sitting on a plane about
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to take off and the stewardess gets up in front of everyone and
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starts talking about how to use the oxygen and
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what to do in the event of a crash. Now, do you really listen? Probably
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not. If you're like most people, you're just gonna go on and maybe look
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at your phone or do whatever it is you're doing. But instead,
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imagine that the pilot comes on the
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loudspeaker when you're in the air and says, folks, I
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think we're going to crash. Listen to how to use the
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safety equipment on the plane. I think you're going to listen. Same
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conversation, different context. You see, Wealth needs
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to have context. Otherwise, it's just money. It's just money.
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If you give the next generation money without context, you're just
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transferring assets. But if you transfer money along with the values
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that matter to you, and you transfer knowledge and preparation,
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you're transferring something much bigger. You are transferring stewardship.
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You're saying, this is what our family built. This is how we
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built it. This is what we believed was important and
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this is what we hope this money would make possible for you.
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Maybe to help us educate grandchildren, maybe to allow someone
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to start a business that provides security, maybe it supports a
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charity, maybe it creates experiences for the family, and maybe
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it simply gives future generations the freedom to make choices. that
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previous generations could not make. Money can
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do wonderful things, but somebody has to help a family think intentionally
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about what that money is for, and your advisor can
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become the family's financial historian. Interesting
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concept. There's another role a long-term financial advisor can
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play, and I think this role is significantly underestimated.
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Families forget things, people die, memories fade. Children
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may not know why mom and dad made certain decisions. But
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an advisor who's been involved for decades may and probably will
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remember. What was the trust created for? Why
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was that insurance policy purchased? Why did dad keep
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that piece of property? Why was one child given part of the business while
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another received different assets? Why was a certain charity
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important to mom and dad? That knowledge can provide valuable
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continuity and the advisor isn't replacing the
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family, they're helping preserve the financial context. surrounding
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the family decisions. So important to pass on those family
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values. Now, here's the thing. The advisory firm has
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a responsibility too. If we're asking families to
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think generationally, financial advisory firms need
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to think generationally too. Because guess what, folks? Advisors
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get older. I know, hard to believe. Advisors get older
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too. Advisors retire. And someday, the
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person who originally built the relationship may not be the person sitting
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across the table. Hard to believe, I know. So an advisory firm
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that wants to serve families for generations better be building something
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bigger than any one individual. It needs a team. It
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needs systems, and it needs a succession. It
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needs younger advisors who understand the firm's philosophy and
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the family it serves, and it needs to believe in that philosophy,
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and it needs to care as much as the original founding advisor. It
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needs institutional memory, because the goal shouldn't
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simply be for one advisor to have a 30-year relationship with a client. The
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goal should be for a family to have a 50, 60, or
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even a 100-year relationship with an advisory organization
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capable of serving generation after generation.
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You see, it goes from client relationship to family relationship both
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ways. That changes the way we should think about financial advice, doesn't
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it? And instead of asking who manages my investment account, The
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better question is, who understands my family's financial life? Who
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understands my family dynamics? Who understands my family values?
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Who understands where we've been? Where we're trying to
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go? And who understands our children? Who understands the
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decisions we've already made and why they were made? And
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who will still be there when the next generation needs help? That,
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my friends, is a very different relationship. You
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see, this is not a fling. It's so important when
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you choose a financial advisor to think like this. When
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you think about financial advice this way, the relationship begins to
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look very different. It's not about constantly shopping around for
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the hottest investment idea. In fact, if you start shopping
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around for an advisor every time his or her financial strategy
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underperforms or doesn't perform well, then you're
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gonna be in for a heap of trouble, in my opinion. It's
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not about jumping from strategy to strategy. When
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you work with an advisor, you're buying into their philosophy
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and approach. And it's certainly not about chasing whoever had
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the best performance last year. A great advisory relationship
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is built over the course of years. Conversation by
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conversation, decision by decision. Can't tell
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you how many kitchen tables I've sat around late at night in
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my career, driving home in snowstorms, driving around
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in my beat up old car when I first got my start to meet with people.
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Market cycle by market cycle. So important, life
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transition by life transition, and eventually the relationship
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contains something incredibly valuable, a history. And
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a history creates understanding, and it can create trust.
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And trust makes better conversations possible. You
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see, the real goal, in my humble opinion, is not
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simply to accumulate the biggest possible pile of money.
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Of course not, right? The goal is to use the money to build a
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life you love and to use that money for happiness
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and retirement, whatever that may mean for you. And if there's money
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left over to thoughtfully pass that opportunity to the people and causes you
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care about. An advisor can connect those two things, your
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financial resources and your family's values. And
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when that relationship works the way it should, it can become something
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that lasts far beyond a single retirement. It
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can last through careers, retirements, marriages, divorces,
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children, grandchildren, inheritance, and through many
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generations. When you're choosing a financial advisor,
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remember what you're really choosing. Don't jump around from advisor
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to advisor unless you have a compelling reason to leave,
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and certainly you might. But you're not simply choosing someone to manage
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an account. You're choosing someone who may become part of your family's
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financial life. for decades, maybe even friends, huh?
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I am blessed and lucky to work in this kind of
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business and to have built relationships with people over
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decades. I've been to weddings, funerals, birthdays. I've
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sat around the table in some incredibly important meetings.
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And in many cases, I know more about my clients than just
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about anyone. And that is incredibly important for
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me to understand the context of how they make decisions. And we
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know our clients' children in most cases. And
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we understand not only what you own, but why you built it. So
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important. It's not supposed to be a short-term relationship. It's
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not a fling. It's a relationship built around your family's financial
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goals and financial life. And when it's done well, it can
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last for generations. I'm Bill Del Setti, and this is
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the Happiness in Retirement Podcast. Thanks for listening, and
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until next time, remember this, folks, don't just build wealth,
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build the knowledge, relationships, and values with a financial advisory
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team that can help the next generation, maybe even
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the one after that, use it well. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye.
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That's it for today's episode of the Happiness in Retirement Program
20:49
podcast. We hope you found some valuable insights to
20:52
help you create the retirement you deserve. If you enjoyed this
20:55
episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and
20:58
share it with someone who's planning for their future. For more tips and
21:02
resources, visit happinessinretirement.com or
21:05
the Del Sette Capital Management Facebook page. Until next
21:08
time, here's to a happy, healthy, and financially secure