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The Real Reason Abusive People Love To Trigger You! · The Mental Healness Podcast

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Why do those pesky, abusive, manipulative, toxic people like
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to see you reacting crazy? Why do they like to set you off
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and try to trigger you on purpose?
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That's the topic at hand today. Y'all we talking about?
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Why do narcissistic people love to get under your skin, get you
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to yell, scream, react, throw stuff at them, and then they act
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like they can they they pretend to be the victim.
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If you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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I'm a diagnosed narcissist. Welcome to another episode of
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these narcissists Go. Let's get it.
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My theme music is back. What's going on, Anna?
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What's up? What's up?
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What's up? What's up?
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Megan? Duchess, I'm here, I'm here.
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What's going on? Y'all triggering on purpose,
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setting you off. Setting.
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Look, look. Lightning the fuse and acting
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surprised when the dynamite goes off when the explosion happens.
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They that's what narcissistic people do, right?
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That's what abusive manipulators do.
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They love to set that damn fuse. They look, they, they flicking
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that magic boom. Oh my goodness, I didn't know
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that was going to blow up. I'm so shocked.
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Why, why the hell did they do that?
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Why do they do it? What's going on, Lauren?
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Why, oh why do they do this type of stuff?
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Why don't they just leave you be?
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Why don't they leave you be? What's going on inside the mind
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of a narcissist, y'all, when they're setting you off on
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purpose. I know, I know.
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It's crazy and how they do something like this.
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Like the why? A lot of narcissistic people
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just love to have evidence, right?
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Y'all know? Y'all know?
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If anything, y'all know a narcissist.
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There's nothing better to a narcissist than a good old smear
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campaign, right? They love to smear the hell out
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of you and what better way to start a smear campaign than to
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buy by than by having some type of evidence of you reacting or
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doing something out of character, right?
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What type of what better way to start a smear campaign then the
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actual actually have some evidence?
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So if I can go, you just say if I'm bored and I talking to Joey
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and I'm like, I'm bored with Joey today, you know what I'm
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going to do? I'm going to set her off.
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I'm going to keep I know she hates when I talk about her pet
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Guinea pig, so I'm going to I'm going to just focus on her
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Guinea pig. Hey, Joey, your Guinea pig is
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stupid. Hey, Joey, your Guinea pig hates
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you. Hey, Joey, you have the worst
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Guinea pig in the world. And then you just snap you like,
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stop talking to my damn Guinea pig.
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You start throwing stuff at me. I'm like, Oh my, now I got my
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phone. Oh, why are you throwing stuff
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at me? It's just a Guinea pig.
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I tried. All I tried to do was feed your
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Guinea pig and you're throwing stuff at me.
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Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
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Oh, my goodness. You see what I'm saying?
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Now, I got you and your little dog too, Toto.
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And your little dog too. One of my roommates does that.
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Yeah. They got you, don't they?
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They got you. Now, that's precisely why
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controlling those reactions is so important.
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Y'all hear me? I've been preaching that for
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years. And people.
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Look, the crazy thing about it is when I tell people
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controlling your reactions to the superpower, people get mad
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at me. Lee, how am I supposed to
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control my reactions when this, this is this?
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I'm like, look, you can either be mad at me.
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You look, you're not even controlling your reactions by
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getting angry at me. This is an example.
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I ain't did nothing to you. I ain't did nothing to you.
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You started telling me you mad at me.
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You're you're giving me a reaction.
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You can't even control it with me.
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I'm just trying to give you some advice.
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So I know damn well you're not going to control it with the
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person in your household or your boss or your roommate or your
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friend or your parent, whoever it is, right?
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You can't control it in my college section.
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Damn sure they can't control it in real life.
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So it's just like people get mad just like leave that.
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I'm like, look, you can either control those reactions or, or
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you can look like the bad guy. There's y'all know how many one
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on ones I've done with people after the my one on ones are
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resumed and stuff like that. You know how many ones were the
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ones I've done with people, The victims that have the charges on
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them, the victims of the abuse, the victims in the toxic
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relationship are the ones with the charges.
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The narcissist or abuser. Court them, court their reaction
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on camera and now they have charges.
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Now they have a protective order.
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You see what I'm saying? Now they look like the bad guy.
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Let me show you. Let me show you how.
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Let me show you how Angela treats me.
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This is what she did. This you see this right here.
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This is exactly what she does. This is this is this is what I
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deal with behind closed doors. Y'all don't know what I go
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through whole time. I'm the whole time.
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I'm the abuser. I'm the cheater, right?
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I'm the cheater. And yes, you're absolutely
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right. I didn't read what you're
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saying. But let's say when you are
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reactive, narcissist can control you easily.
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Yeah, whole time. I'm the user, I'm the abuser.
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I'm the liar, I'm the cheater. But guess who looked like it?
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You. You look like it because you
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couldn't control yourself. And I know it's tough.
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I'm not trying to make you, I'm not trying to make it seem like
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it's an easy thing to do. I know it's not easy to control
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yourself when you have an abuser that's poking, poking, poking,
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poking, poking you, right? I know it's not easy.
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I'm just saying it's necessary because they're trying to set
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you off. They want the evidence for the
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smear campaign, right? They want the evidence for the
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smear campaign. And you know, the goal of a
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smear campaign is to sometimes to be ordered to be the goal of
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a smear campaign can sometimes be in essence, in order for them
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to play the victim. I'd let you sit with it for a
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little bit, didn't it? To play the victim.
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They love it. They love to be the victim.
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And y'all, this reaction, whatever they got, whatever
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evidence they got, whatever ability they have to play the
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victim, they're going to use it to the end of time.
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They're never going to let it go.
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They are never going to let it go.
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They are absolutely or never going to let it go.
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They you can have a emotional reaction 15 years ago, but guess
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what? They bringing that thing up
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today. They using it today, they using
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it right now. It's present time and guess
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what, if you stop reacting like unapologetically me said they
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react that you going to get a bad reaction from them because
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they want their reaction so bad they they might get angry at you
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for not reacting. Imagine you just trying to chill
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and de escalate the situation, right?
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You're just trying to chill and de escalate the situation and
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they just screaming at you and throwing stuff at you.
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Now look, they yelling and screaming at you.
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You like, yeah, you look, you're Gray rocking.
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Amazing. Nice.
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That's cool. You're right.
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And they they start throwing stuff at you.
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They start hitting you. They start yelling and screaming
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at you because you're not reacting to them, right?
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You're not reacting to them. You know what I'm saying?
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You're not giving them a reaction.
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So they lose their damn minds, they lose it, they lose control.
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And that what goes on right there, they you, when you react,
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they, they love to play the victim, right?
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They love to play the victim. And another reason they do it,
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y'all, let's just say, and y'all are not going to like to hear
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this. Sometimes they just be bored.
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A bored abuser is a dangerous abuser, right?
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A bored narcissist is a dangerous narcissist.
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They get bored and just start doing stuff.
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They get bored and just start losing their damn minds.
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They get bored and start trying to hurt you or bring harm to
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you, right? You're just trying to chill and
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live your life right? You're just trying to chill and
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like they and they get bored of like I'm bored.
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All of a sudden they started arguing out of nowhere.
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You ever just been chilling one day and the old toxic ass party
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and just started arguing with you out of nowhere.
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You like, you just chilling. You like you, you chilling,
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enjoying your day, right? Like let's just say Lauren is
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chilling, enjoying her day. She's like la, la, la, la, la,
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la, la, la. We smiling for you know, I'm
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having a bad day. You go over there smiling.
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You like I'm just I'm just smiling.
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I see you smiling. What are you smiling for?
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You said how you he asked me. How about they going goddamn
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music, a horrible burst, you evil, and you're like, hey, I
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ain't oh, hold, hold up. I ain't even saying what what's
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what? Why you?
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Why you so angry? You know, you know, you like
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whoa, what the hell? Dang, what?
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I was just OK, I won't smile. Oh, now you're not going to
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smile because I told you. Now you're going to fake it.
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You can't win. You can't win laser like says
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you rocking the grey rock. Hey, I'm a grey rock
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professional. That's nice.
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Amazing. Yeah, you can't win.
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This is what they do to you out. Like seriously, this is exactly
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what you get a lot of abusive, manipulative, narcissistic
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people that they do. They do things just like this.
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They like to mess with you. They like to do the things like
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this because it sets the IT sets you off.
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It really does. It really sets you off and a lot
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of them, like I said, like to set you off on purpose.
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This is the thing about it. They love to set you off on
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purpose because when you get set off, you are not able to.
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Like they, like Angela said earlier, they can control you.
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They're absolutely able to control you.
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When you are set off, you can't control yourself.
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You can't do anything like that. They are absolutely in control.
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And narcissistic people, abusive people, love to be in control.
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They love to be in control. When you are angry, when you are
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losing, when you're losing your mind, and sometimes rightfully
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so, you have to, yeah, sometimes you have to.
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You have the right to be angry, but it's just when you are angry
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and it's out of control anger, even if it's righteous, they can
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make you look like the bad guy. You're going to start making
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decisions that you normally wouldn't make with a, with a
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calm, cool, collected mind. That's why I'm just saying when
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they're trying to set you off on purpose, that's why you got to
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do that type of stuff right there.
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That's why y'all just saw me earlier.
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Y'all saw me earlier. You, you got to learn y'all, You
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got to Gray, You got to learn how to Gray rock.
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You have to learn how to Gray rock.
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Lee, what's Gray rocking? Describe it.
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Go outside, pick up a rock in your front yard and describe it
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and what that rock look like, what that rock look like, what
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that Gray rock look like. It's boring.
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It's tough on the outside. Is it?
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Don't give you much of nothing, Lee.
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There's not much of nothing. There's not much of anything I
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can use to describe this is boring.
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It's Gray. It's hard.
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It's like a rock. Just like that's.
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There's not much that I can say about it.
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Exactly. When you're Gray rocking,
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there's not much that you need to say to them.
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You know what I'm saying? When you are Gray rocking,
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there's not much you have to say.
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They could be leveling the most evil.
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Like grey rocket is removing the energy, right?
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Grey rocket is removing the energy.
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You're not giving them any emotional energy, regardless of
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what they're saying to you. You know your mom was a whore,
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right? Yeah.
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Yeah, your dad, too. Your daddy paid your Mama $40
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and he hit it, and you were born.
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Yo. They were never in love.
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You know you're a bastard baby, right?
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Yeah, yeah, it's crazy. I'm a.
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She's very bastard. I'm a bastard child.
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Yeah. And you.
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And you. You ugly too.
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I'm the ugliest. And you out of shape.
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You fat. Yeah.
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I can leave them. I can lose a little bit.
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I hate you. Well, I love you now.
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I don't say I love you, but you know what I'm saying.
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He's taking it away. You're not giving them nothing.
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You're not giving them nothing. What'd you say?
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My mind is trying to do me like that.
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Now I know why. There you go power up, power up.
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I'm headed into that position next with my narc ex police and
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tips. I'm worried about the question
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to be stay calm, stay focused. You have the you have the truth
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on your side, but it just if you're in court with them, don't
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just look at them y'all, because if you're in court with a
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narcissist, don't just look at them because you look across the
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table. Look at look at look, look,
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look, look at them from the witness stand.
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You'll see those big bulging eyes, little big bulging eyes
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staring at you like this. And you would like they they'd
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be staring a hole in you just like this.
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And you be like the eyes going a different direction like a damn
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chameleon. When I going up here, When I
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going down here, they're just looking at you scowling.
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You know what I mean? Eye dancing around like it's
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loose. You know, you don't have to make
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eye contact with them. Yeah, I know some people will
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tell you to go into court and somebody, some people tell you
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to go into court and stare that bastard down.
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Stare them down. You don't have to.
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You don't have to. It doesn't make you any less of
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a survivor to not go in there and stare at them.
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It doesn't make you any less of a thriver and not going out
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there and stare at them. It doesn't just be prepared.
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They're going to lie. Take notes, take notes, stay
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cool, calm and collected because just like this, just like just
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like this live is about them trying to trigger you on
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purpose. Sometimes they go into depth
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positions and try to trigger you on purpose.
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You're going to hear some, you might hear some crazy ass stuff
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about yourself and they want you to react.
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They want you to lose your cool while they're talking because in
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front of a judge or mediator, whoever you're in front of,
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they're going to like, can you please come down?
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Let them speak. They let you speak now why you
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like you have to let them speak. They lying though.
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They lying. If you don't let them speak, I'm
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going to have to rule in their favor.
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I just can't let you do like right there.
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You know what I'm saying it just like that right there.
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Yeah. Don't you got to act like the
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narcissist or your abuser is Medusa.
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Like you got to act like that, Medusa.
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You cannot stay. You know how you stare at
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Medusa? You turn into stone.
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You don't want to turn into the stone.
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I like you. I like if you stare at them, you
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going to turn into stone, right? But that's what's going to
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happen. He going to turn the stone and
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lose your case 'cause they're going to mess with you.
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Or you look at them and they'll be like, they'll, they'll be
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mouthing to you. And you can be like, oh, my
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trauma. Oh, my beating heart.
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The trauma bond is kicking back up.
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I want to drop all the charges, Your Honor.
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What? Yes.
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They just stared at me across the courtroom and give me those
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longing loving eyes and they said I love you.
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Drop the charges please. No no no, that just says the
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narcissist I I dealt with always triggered me and pulled me up,
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pulled out the phone to re up so they can play the victim and say
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that you were abuser. Yep, that's exactly what that's,
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that's reactive abuse 101 right there.
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They love to make you look like the abuser and you will.
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Trust me. If you don't control those
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emotions, you don't control those reactions, you are going
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to look like the abuser. I promise you, you will.
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It'll be hard for you to explain yourself about how you're not
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the abuse. No, no, they did this before.
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I don't care what they did before.
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Look how you're acting. That's what people want.
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That's what your your friends and your family members, your
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friends, your family members. People are online and going to
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say I don't care what you what they did before.
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You should be acting like that. You like no, no, gotcha, gotcha.
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Go and get you. That's what happens to y'all.
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I got a few minutes for some questions, y'all.
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Then I got to hop off. I got AI, got a one-on-one zoom
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call. I got ready to hop on.
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I still do Zoom calls. I still do one on ones.
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Everything is at mentalillness.net.
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mentalillness.net for my one on ones, my zoom calls, everything,
16:04
y'all. Also, I just started my text
16:07
message call, my text messages sessions as well.
16:10
I have AI have sessions through text messages, through Telegram,
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right? I have Telegram clients where we
16:16
text, we text, do voice notes throughout the day, throughout
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the day, do telegrams throughout the day, voice notes, talking
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back and forth. Like just literally I do.
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I started that as well. So I do Zoom calls, I do
16:28
telegrams, I do phone calls as well.
16:31
Everything can be found at mentalillness.net.
16:35
Doo Doo Doo. I'll drop the link in there.
16:37
Mental hilders.net. How do you deal with a
16:41
narcissist and a smile child? So this is kind of new.
16:43
I feel like there's a lot more I need.
16:46
Need a lot more information. I can answer with that right
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there my dude. Made a wet floor mess in the
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bathroom this morning around said it was because I didn't.
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Oh Hell no, 'cause you didn't watch towels.
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What kind? That's that's called weapon.
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That's that's called weaponized incompetence right there.
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Y'all. That's, that's, that could be a
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version of weaponized incompetence.
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I don't, I'm a grown ass man and I don't know how to watch towels
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for myself. So I'm going to risk getting
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electrocuted and electrocuting you because you didn't watch
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towels. You have to pamper me.
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Get the hell out of here. Y'all to stop taking care of
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kids. Y'all stop, stop taking care of
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adults, right? Yes, it is life.
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These people don't respond to anything, logic or not.
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They're on a different planet. Unless they won't change.
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Yeah, you can't. There's nothing you can really
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do, right? I stared at him down when we
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accidentally ran into each other in the store.
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No emotions in my face, just staring.
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He crumbled, looked the way he said.
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He said hey between his teeth. Power up, power up.
17:36
I try to be Angel. I try to be also y'all New York
17:41
City, June 2nd. I'm coming to New York City for
17:43
my live Q&A event on June the second this year.
17:48
I'll be in New York City June the 2nd live and in person.
17:52
You can register for that at mentalillness.net/events.
17:57
mentalillness.net/events to go ahead and get registered for
17:59
that cause the seats are people are people are being up in New
18:02
York right now, registering right now.
18:04
So the seats are filling up pretty quickly in New York for
18:07
my, it's not a workshop. It really is AQ and A just like
18:10
I'm doing AQ and a right now. You ask a question, I give you
18:13
an answer right there. Your daddy paid your mommy $40.
18:17
Mars, there was a Yeah, you got. You got to look $40 back then.
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You got to adjust for inflation. You got to adjust for inflation
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right there. Yeah, my daddy might have paid
18:24
$40, but that's $100 in today's money.
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It's a cool. It's a cool $100 bill.
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My mom wasn't cheap. Mama wasn't cheap.
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Them cheeks were not cheap. No cheap cheeks.
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I got yelled at for not unlocking the door.
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The doors already unlocked. Oh, hell no.
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Hell no. What does one do when holding an
18:41
ARC accountable? Mine has been hemorrhaging money
18:43
on prostitutes. In their position I get to
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confront him. So just hit him with the truth
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right? You have to you in order to hold
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him accountable you have to have some type of leverage and the
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the truth. You have to have a way to make
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them uncomfortable and make them move.
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So if they have you have leverage and you have to,
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sometimes they exposing them could be enough.
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Honestly, you know, I should believe or feel like they're
19:03
never enough. Yeah, I think a lot of
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narcissistic people, they might not say that out loud, but I
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think most narcissists feel like they are.
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They are not enough and then no one else is enough for them.
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So it's both. It's kind of a double edged
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swords. I am not enough, but no one else
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is enough for me, if that makes sense, y'all.
19:18
But I do have to hop over here y'all to to my one-on-one call.
19:21
I got to get prepped really quick before I get on here.
19:24
Y'all say hit that subscribe button on YouTube.
19:26
If you haven't, drop a comment. This will be reposted so you can
19:28
watch it again on YouTube and whatnot.
19:30
Y'all hit that subscribe button. I'm thankful.
19:32
Thankful for y'all. I love y'all.
19:33
I'm grateful for every single one of y'all.
19:35
Just thank y'all for being here with me, right?
19:37
Thank y'all for being here and riding along this journey with
19:39
me. Y'all come to New York or do a
19:41
one-on-one, whatever case may be.
19:42
Y'all see y'all later y'all. Peace.