Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Moving From Hypervigilance to Trust | Transformation for the Enneagram Type Six with Gwen Sledge

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Moving From Hypervigilance to Trust | Transformation for the Enneagram Type Six with Gwen Sledge · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Sixes tend to have a very loud inner committee.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so that inner committee can get even louder when they're stuck in that victim mentality.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: The fear of making mistakes or being blamed is very real for the six.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: They tend to wait for the second shoe to fall, even when things are going well.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: More often than not, we're thinking about what is the worst that can happen when we can really grow by holding.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: What is the best that can happen to you?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: That it does not have to control me.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: God is bigger than the past, bigger than my fear.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: And my fear may be uncomfortable, but it is not going to be the undoing of me.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast, the Enneagram for Real Life.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Here is where you'll find conversations where faith meets story and strategy for lasting transformation.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, here to help you find wisdom and wholehearted rhythms for moments that matter most.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're learning your type or deepening your spiritual formation, these conversations will remind you that the Enneagram shines a light, but Christ is the transformation.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Over the last two weeks, we have been exploring the Enneagram 6.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: At first, we talked with Deanna Sudum.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: She gave us some of the highs and lows and all the details on the core longings.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then Samantha shared some of her wholehearted journey.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: And today you get to hear a little bit more about the wholehearted framework from the inside out.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Gwen Sledge is a wholehearted coach and an Enneagram Six herself.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: She spent decades as a nurse and that profession and has also, she's really lived out the six thing.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: She knows it inside and out.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm excited about how she can share the perspective of being the person that a lot of people count on when things maybe go wrong.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, Gwen, I'm so glad you're here.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so excited to learn more about your story and all about the six.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for having me, Amy.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm excited to be here.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to talk about a few roles that we play in our story or characters we often find in our story.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to talk about them as a victim, villain, hero guide.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if our friend is listening and they are new to some of that, or what do they mean about characters or the roles you played?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I did do a mini-series earlier this year that I'll link to that talks more about those different experiences and roles and characters, what it means to our story specifically.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: So you're going to give us some color to it of what it looks like for a six and even within your story.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: So right away, I want to hear more about what it looks like for an Enneagram six to be in the victim role.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Where do you see sixes get stuck, maybe in the victim mentality, or also struggling to even identify their role as a victim when they've been harmed?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: I think oftentimes we hear sixes say that they never really felt like they were able to relax, even as a child, that they've always felt like the responsible one.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so they may report that they felt that there were roles reversed as with a particular parent or someone that they trusted, or maybe that they had been let down in a world that they felt was already unsafe.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe felt like they should have been kept safe and weren't, something like that.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oftentimes that will be at the forefront of the sixes story.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: They often get stuck in that victim mentality when the fear of what is to come causes them to freeze and be unable to move forward with decision making.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: Sixes tend to have a very loud inner or inner committee.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: And so that inner committee can get even louder when they're stuck in that victim mentality.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so they're operating from a low low hum of anxiety all the time, anyway.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so as that, as they get stuck, scenariating and overthinking just really ramps up and they tend to get stuck there.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: The fear of making mistakes or being blamed is very real for the six.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: They tend to wait for the second shoe to fall.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: Even when things are going well, they are anticipating or feeling the responsibility to anticipate what might happen next and how to offset that.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: To mitigate that.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: And how there's a little bit of a hint of some Enneagram eight thoughts and all of that.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: But one of the big differentiators is something you mentioned, inner committee.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd like to compare that a minute to the inner critic because the six and one can definitely be mistyped.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: I have had plenty of people think they were one and really a six, and vice versa.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: So, in your words and your experience, both both as a coach, but also an Enneagram six, what are some of the differences when someone's considering, am I really a six or am I one?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or is both does both tell the story, which can be true sometimes too?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: I think we can see a lot of similarities there.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: And not sure how much you talked about the differences in the subtypes with the six, but the six can present very differently.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, the self-preservation can look like more like a two and the social like a one, and the uh one-to-one can look like an eight.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: So that one piece, I tend to fall in the social subtype.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I tend to show up like a one.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: And where I was able to really tease that out and discern the difference was the inner committee.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: I do not tend to have a one voice that is berating or telling me that I didn't do it well enough.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: The inner committee tends to be multiple voices saying, Have you thought of this?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: What if this?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: If this happens, what is your next move?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: It is like multiple voices that are trying, trying to protect and prevent for others.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's out of the sense of loyalty and responsibility, but it is yeah, the not the responsibility to make the world a better place, protect the world or protect your people, protect your patients.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then there is the a sense of not knowing who to trust, vacillating.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: And this is what where nurses can so often and sixes in general can get stuck, is they don't tend to trust themselves in their own decision making, but they also don't trust others.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so they're seeking that reliable authority that they can trust or trying to discern the and and they're often very discerning when they can quiet the inner committee.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: It is when they are letting the inner committee guide them that they really tend to get stuck in that victim role.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, that is really powerful.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: And you bringing in the role that a nurse or the unique struggle, a nurse, a medical professional, having to be thinking quick on their feet, making decisions, but also probably not the last decision maker and having a maybe even a lot of people, fellow peer nurses, but maybe you know, the doctor in charge or all the different elements that could be working in that situation.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so I love that you show that.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think that could bring some unlock for those who've been wondering what are the differences and what does that look like for me?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because I imagine that struggle between not trusting yourself and not really trusting others is big and might even lead to the protection that becomes control and manifests in the villain role.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us a little bit about what that looks like.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, this isn't the fun part, but it's real and it happens to us all.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Where the six, the villain, often looks like it can also often come out in the form of anger, it can come out in the form of resentment.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know, especially for nurses, it can sadly look like eating their young.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: And nurses are known for that, and that is certainly not something that is uh is only applicable to the six.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: But if a six is in that um the villain role, they tend to project their anxiety or their um cynicism, their fear onto others.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's almost like that, and it's it's subconsciously, you know, I don't think it's all, but it's almost like if I have to live in this world, you will too.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and such a fairly in their loyalty, yeah, in their loyalty, they show up, but they may make others miserable in the process by projecting that anxiety or that worst-case scenario onto others.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's this vacillation between wanting to lead well and wanting to do the right thing and show up and and be the loyal even leader for those coming up behind them.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: But sometimes in the victim role where they get lost in feeling like they've lost agency.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: When they move into the villain role, it becomes anger over having lost agency.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: So oftentimes it lands on others in that way, um, refusing help, refusing to relinquish control, not you know in uh precepting or teaching, not relinquishing control enough to let others learn.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it can also look in the victim role where they may really struggle with pre-shift anxiety and post-shift rumination of replaying and replaying.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: In that villain role, it can even look like detachment of sure just letting go of responsibility and relinquishing that to others, but then being resentful that they relinquished that.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's so interesting.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it's not benevolent detachment, it's acquiescence or just turning your back on perhaps even how you should respond or doing differently than what is appropriate in that moment.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I noticed you haven't used the word security, safety.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: You've used some anxiety, but fear.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Those other words tend to be used with sixes a lot, but can also characterize the six in a very stereotypical way.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me how that plays into things a little bit, that language or those words of safety and security and fear.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: And depending on that your subtype will determine what you do with that fear.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: It really can line up with fight, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: And right, uh, you know, that social six to feel secure will sometimes fawn.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: They gather the troops and they feel their safety in numbers.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: But the one-to-one or counterphobic six may fight.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I've heard it explained so well the differences between the eight and the counterphobic six is that underlying fear.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's always there and the desire for security, the desire to prevent and predict and prevent in order to protect, but also in order to keep from being blamed.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's important.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: So eight is much less likely to be bothered with the worry of blame.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that worry is another term that comes can come into play a lot for the six, that is rumination and worry as the what if.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: More often than not, we're thinking about what is the worst that can happen when we can really grow by holding what is the best that can happen too.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: And recognizing that most of the time it falls somewhere in the middle.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Beautifully said, Gwen.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: That is really good wisdom.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: I have a feeling that is a hero move right there, what you talked about, shifting from worst case to what are the possibilities?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: What could happen that is good?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: So the hero is exercising agency.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's pushing through some of these barriers that you've listed, worry and fear and the maybe the hypervigilance that comes into play, and obviously the anxiety.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me, what does it look like for the six or when they act in that hero role and step into the courage that is available to them?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's definitely a process.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Some of the things that you see, the maybe the outcomes when you see a six step into their hero role, is they're able to make decisions more confidently.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: They're able to trust their discernment, they're able to verbally process their anxiety, but they're able to discern who and when to process that.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oftentimes I find for myself and for the clients that I've spoken with that fixens discern through verbal processing, but they typically come to their decision on their own.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: They don't necessarily need input from others or others to tell them what to do, but they do need a safe place to process to be able to allow that discernment to surface.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so oftentimes that that's some of the outcomes.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: The process is much more complicated.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: It is not, it is doable, but it is not easy.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's so often where having that trusted person or having a guide can help.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: But for me, that process starts with settling the trustees.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot move into the role of the hero until I settle.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I call it coming back to center.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: And what that looks like is coming back to the truth, that as a Christ follower, I used to use the words when I would pray, Lord, I trust you, but I don't trust me.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: And while that sounded good and while that felt so true, I became increasingly convicted that it all really did come back to my lack of trust in him.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: That he I have to establish that he is trustworthy, and that it's such a need for the six, and I established that.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: And as a Christ follower, I can trust that he is the only one who's able to hold that, to hold that responsibility.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: When I can get that piece correct, then I'm able to pick up agency where I have agency.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm able to trust that he provides my discernment, that he's gifted me with discernment.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: So I can trust it.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: And even in the situations that I don't make the decision necessarily, that I maybe look back and wish I would have made, he's still able to turn this yet and still has my and so I'm able to take agency and affect change where it's possible to affect change, but also to recognize where my loyalties have gotten out of balance, where I have picked up responsibility that is not mine to carry.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe, you know, oftentimes the nurse will overwork, overcommit, say yes because they feel like a no is betrayal.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so they're able to step into the discernment to say, if I am doing that and I'm not caring for myself, that will affect others.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it will affect my patients, it will affect my family, and and it will affect my walk with the Lord.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so that process is has been long and arduous and continuous, you know.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's never a we won't arrive, but it has been been so insightful to be able to put language as a six, to be able to put language as to why I do these things once I understood the narrative of the six and the lies the six believes and just be the security that we're looking for oftentimes in the wrong places.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: I love what you highlighted there, a distinction of ultimately God is the only one to put our trust in.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And even when we can't trust ourselves, we can trust that our God is bigger than our mess ups, especially with the best of intentions.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of us confuse that, like gripping so hard, trying to do the right thing, the right step, whether it's starting a business or raising our kids.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, all the time, I'm I feel like I'm saying, if God can forgive murderers, I'm pretty sure He can forgive us, just trying to do the right thing.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you highlighted that.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: That is really beautiful, beautifully said.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I would piggyback the gift of story work and the reason why I continually invite the coaches of my collective.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And as wholehearted coaches, when you graduate, I commission everyone saying you don't ever finish the work.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: It we constantly go back to this.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: I am always doing that, checking in what role am I playing?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: What part of this is having a front stage, front and center stage right now?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: What is what is the narrative that's happening here?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: So the guide is this beautiful role that the any type steps into after they've done the work.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's this beautiful privilege you've had.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: I know as a mom and as a grandmom, but as a coach and as a nurse, you've worn the guide hat in many different roles.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not just one role, and it may not be an official title, but let us get a picture of when courage becomes a gift for others from sixes.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: What does that guide look like?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: It looks like holding space because we so often need someone to hold space for us to be able to process and discern.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: As a six, the challenge is not feeling responsible for the outcomes of the client.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's important.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's a continual journey as the guide, just as I said, as the nurse, teaching the newer nurses, allowing them to learn and grow and uh and come to their own conclusions while offering support.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it's holding space for other people to find their place in their story, to call out their strengths, but also gently maybe highlight areas of struggle or what you know, what their challenges help them get to the root of their challenges.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Challenges because it looks so different for not only for every Enneagram type, but for every person.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, our journey is so nuanced.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: And the thing that is that has been such a gift in coming to the reality that I'm not in control and that God is holding me in the palm of his hand, is that he's also holding my patience in the palm of his hand.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: He's holding my hands in the palm of his hand.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: I can relinquish that sense of that inflated sense of responsibility.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so as the guide, it is a joy to hold space and let him show up and do his work in the lives of each individual person that he entrusts to me, whether that be family, friends, clients, fellow nurses, whoever.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's good.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: I almost see as the six transferring what could look like white knuckling grip on somebody, whoever they're guiding, to this like hand, gentle hand on their shoulder, on their back, just walking alongside.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that difference, it makes the big shift of learning that you don't have to save or you don't have to be the hero for anyone else, just the hero for yourself and encourage them along the way.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: I would also like to acknowledge that for the nurse that's listening, that that feels like they have lost agency or like they are in a no-win situation.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, caregiving is is a high and hard calling.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, so many nurses are rightfully frustrated with the environment that they're thrust into or that they find themselves in, with whether it's short staffing or toxic work environments or even the rising violence toward healthcare workers, there are a lot of things that are outside of the role or the responsibility or the control of the nurse.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: So oftentimes it's holding space to help them discern where they can affect change.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's good.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: And what their next right step is in relationship to their environment.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, because that again, that's that can be different for every situation.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it takes a lot of discerning.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: One of the processes in the whole hearted journey is identifying the lies we believe.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that can come up many times, and ultimately it's identity work.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's getting clear on what you the narrative that has been floating in the back of your mind, subconsciously, typically, and sometimes inadvertently placed in our minds by life circumstances and the lens that we look through.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe give us some insight.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: What's a lie or two that a six might believe?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: And what would you speak as the truth statement to combat those?
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: As a woman is maybe unpacking some of the narratives or the lies that she's believed for a while.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think often for the six, it is the lie that it's all up to me.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's up to me to prevent and predict and protect the people again, not in the eight sense, but for that security.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: We don't have that kind of power, we don't have that kind of ability.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, uh it's it's taken humility and some some work around pride, but just speaking that truth back that it is not up to me.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: And he has been faithful from day one, even in the worst case scenarios.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: The worst case scenarios will come.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's reality, but he's still faithful, and so it's in those even if things does not play out the way I expect it to, or I would like for it to.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: You are faithful, you are still trustworthy.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so good.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_02: And one of my favorite truths is fear's not the boss of me.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: I love it, yes, because that's a lie that sixes are, you know, I've heard this statement that sixes are afraid of fear itself, and that makes me angry to even hear that.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: I bet, I bet, but it can be true, and so to counter that with that it does not have to control me.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: God is bigger than that, bigger than my fear, and my fear may be uncomfortable, but it is not going to be the undoing of me.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that'll preach, Glenn.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: That is so, so good.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to say also, sometimes we feel like we have to earn.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: We want to earn our security or our standing with God.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: And uh we don't, we don't.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: He is there and is, and we're not always guaranteed security.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but we don't have to earn our place and we can rely on him without having to work and strive, yeah.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: See striving and trust that he's got.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, receive that.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well said, thank you.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: I want to shift a little bit from the story work, which he beautifully outlined and gave really clear descriptions of what it looks like for an Ennegram six.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I love the touches about healthcare workers, caregivers, nurses.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to step into one of the questions from the community.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it was specifically about someone raising their hand saying, I'm a nurse and I recognize so much of the six in myself, the vigilance, the responsibility, maybe the hypervigilance really, and not feeling like I can hand things off.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: What advice do you have for her to just begin and to start this journey that we will both say we're not perfect, we haven't arrived, we're still learning, but I know that you have done some work to make this be where it's not your day-to-day reality.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: Vigilance can be a gift.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it can be a gift, whether whether you're a six or not, it's not necessarily a character flaw, but when it is overapplied or turned into hyper-vigilance, then it that's where we get out of balance.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so want to just acknowledge that we want vigilant nurses.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: We want nurses who are paying attention and who are advocating and even nurses that may be two steps ahead because they're prepared and they are going to take good care to make sure that they don't miss things.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: But when it becomes overapplied, then again, it leads to less than optimal health care.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: So so we don't want to, we we just want to recognize it, be able to name it, and then also just work on being able to do your best with what you're given and then walk away.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: Once that patient is that that shift is handed off, once that report is given and you've walked away, you have done your best.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_02: You want to walk away knowing that you've done your best.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: If you haven't, you should have.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_02: However, it's out of your control.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is, and it's it never beyond what you were accountable to do as your job in that shift, it was beyond your control anyway.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: They are in the hands of a father who loves them, and we do our best, and then we trust that we cannot know all of the things and we cannot predict or prevent all of the things.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: But and then also, I again, I swear by just having that trusted person that you can can process with, yeah.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: Not in we have to watch for HIPAA and things like that, but sure to be able to process so that you can leave that shift behind.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_02: For me, it was getting in my car and closing that shift out with some having some silence and listening for what he would say over my spirit, and then driving home and doing my best to leave that at the hospital.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_02: Not always easy, no, but it's said if I if I had been paid for every shift that I worked in my sleep, I would retire a rich woman because it's very hard to turn off.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: It is yeah, very hard to turn off, but we had to work toward that end.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that you mentioned that grounding practice of silence.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: That is so key for our head types, the five, six, seven in particular.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: That silence really does some supernatural work that is almost not doing.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: It is the most like being just being present to your body, being present to your mind, and letting everything else be hushed and just fall aside and being taking that centering time is really big.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you bring that up.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's very practical.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: As we shift a little bit in talking to the Enneagram six themselves, I want to speak to our friend who's listening who loves a six or knows a six with these last two questions.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: And the first one is what can those of us who love a six learn from their loyalty and courage specifically?
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: What is the attribute or role or character trait that they exhibit that we're like, we could use some more six in our life?
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: I would say showing up, showing up when it when it's hard, when you're afraid.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: I have a running shirt that says do it anyway.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: And it's good.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's in reference to exercise, but it works for me in times that I'm fearful and I don't want to put the next foot forward, but I have to do it anyway.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: And oftentimes the most rewarding things happen when we show up and do it anyway.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, the just the courage in the face of fear is something to be proud of and something that that we can step into and lean into.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: We can definitely learn that.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: Do it anyway.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think when I started learning about the six, and I do have a six wing, but those that that is their primary lens, how much on a regular basis requires courage from them?
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: Almost like the five constantly needing the energy, the six is constantly requiring courage, and that that can be draining, especially given a circumstance like being in the profession of as a nurse and other things that would demand that more from them.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's a big thing.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: And and in that light, for those of us, again, who maybe have a six in our home are married to an Enneagram six or just as a good friend, how can we show love to a six and just care and just demonstrate that I see you because that's really important.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: Please don't dismiss us.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, tell us, tell me more about that.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: I that word resonates deeply.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: As I said earlier, we do hold responsibility in what we choose to verbally process, and it does take maturity, but there are times that our vigilance is dismissed, yeah, because it and again it can be because we've oververbalized our fears, but oftentimes once we verbally state the worst case scenario or the concern, most of the time it loses its power.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so just holding space for us to state what could be so that we can walk it back.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: Sixes are very logical, and sometimes the worst case scenario thinking is illogical.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: But they are able to get back to that logic and use the evidence in front of them to say, okay, this could happen, but usually that's followed in their mind by how likely is that to happen?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, very unlikely.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I can table that and revisit it if it does happen, but to be dismissed or to yeah, to feel that our concerns are not, it's not not being heard, it's not being taken seriously.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: And there's such a heart of care behind that six's desire to prevent and protect and provide security for their people.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so it can really feel hurtful for that to be just to be dismissed.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, Gwen.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for offering that to us.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think that there's a lot of wisdom, and that would demonstrate so much love to hold that to, and maybe you're not agreeing, but there's a difference of agreeing than just validating and receiving, and like you said, not dismissing it right away, but allowing it to play out.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: And often what you refer to is you just need a place to process.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you can get that off your chest, then you'll probably arrive at a more logical conclusion anyway.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: So and oftentimes the people that are closest to me know they know to just ask clarifying questions, and that typically shows care, it shows that they hear and also that they're helping walk me back to the what the evidence speaks.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, that's good.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: Not having to convince you of anything or if your theory is way off or whatever, all the different things that come up.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Gwen, this is beautiful.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: I had no doubt when I reached out to you that you could share authentically and represent so beautifully the goodness of a six, but also real life for an Enneagram six and what that looks like to Lynn, look through that lens.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for giving that story.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: But also, I just a shout out for those who know a caregiver or a nurse.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: Send this episode to them.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_01: They will probably resonate even if they aren't an Enneagram 6, because this will be very relatable because Gwen just can understand and see them, and this can be a way that you can love them as well.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Gwen, for sharing, for offering your story.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to remind our friends that God is bigger than our fear and we don't have to scan the horizon alone.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you, Gwen.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: Joy.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much for joining me for the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with a friend.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: You can also visit simply wholehearted.com to take the free Enneagram quiz and also get your personalized podcast playlist specific for your Enneagram type.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, friend, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuck point.