Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Monday Mini: Romanticizing Domestic Violence
Transcript
- 0:05Speaker 1: Hey, this is Andy and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
- 0:07Speaker 1: I've never told your prediction, I heard you.
- 0:18Speaker 2: And welcome to another Monday mini where I'm gonna start
- 0:21Speaker 2: with a content warning because I like to be sad anyway.
- 0:24Speaker 2: Content warning, we are talking about domestic of violence and
- 0:27Speaker 2: abuse and its patrol in media. We're also going to
- 0:30Speaker 2: talk about some celebrity beef. That's not content warning, but
- 0:36Speaker 2: just you know, to let you know because recently, the
- 0:40Speaker 2: movie adaptation of the book It Ends with Us has
- 0:43Speaker 2: been all over my social media pages, but not because
- 0:48Speaker 2: they're trying to advertise the movie to me or even
- 0:51Speaker 2: like give me a review of it, and I will
- 0:53Speaker 2: tell you I have never heard of this until now,
- 1:00Speaker 2: like I've not heard of the book. I have not
- 1:01Speaker 2: heard of any of this until recently. And it's mainly
- 1:05Speaker 2: because they have criticisms of the stars. So if you
- 1:08Speaker 2: don't know, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni are the two
- 1:12Speaker 2: that are starring in this movie that I know the
- 1:14Speaker 2: most of. I know Jenny Slat is somewhere up in here.
- 1:17Speaker 2: I don't quite know who is what. Like I'm again,
- 1:21Speaker 2: so I'm gonna go ahead with this right here. I
- 1:24Speaker 2: know nothing about this book nor about this movie. I
- 1:28Speaker 2: know some of the context, and I know a lot
- 1:30Speaker 2: of the drama that's happening around movie. But with that,
- 1:34Speaker 2: it did bring out a topic that we're constantly talking about.
- 1:38Speaker 2: I feel like all the time we've talked about it
- 1:41Speaker 2: with Twilight, and we'll end up talking about it when
- 1:43Speaker 2: we finish up Twilight that we still love, but how
- 1:47Speaker 2: media often profits and portrays domestic violence and how it's romanticized.
- 1:54Speaker 2: So I think we also need to remember that they
- 1:56Speaker 2: oftentimes talk about these really serious subjects with that out
- 2:00Speaker 2: understanding or giving an understanding of the full context or
- 2:04Speaker 2: even the consequences of using the subject as a plot
- 2:07Speaker 2: device or a plot line. And I think that's something
- 2:10Speaker 2: that we want to talk about. Again, this is not
- 2:12Speaker 2: a specific criticism about the book or the movie. I
- 2:16Speaker 2: have yet to see it. I probably will never see it.
- 2:18Speaker 2: I'll just I'm sure i'll get clips here and there
- 2:20Speaker 2: from people whatever, whatnot. If you've read the book, let
- 2:23Speaker 2: me know there's a lot of controversy behind that. There's
- 2:26Speaker 2: a lot of controversy behind Colleen Hoover, the author of
- 2:29Speaker 2: the book, and just Ady just for the gossip bit,
- 2:32Speaker 2: I'll tell you you ready for it. So apparently Blake Lively,
- 2:35Speaker 2: who is the producer, and then Justin Baldoni is in
- 2:40Speaker 2: it as well. She's a producer and she's a star.
- 2:43Speaker 2: He's also a star in it, but I think he
- 2:46Speaker 2: directed the movie version. And something has happened where everybody's
- 2:51Speaker 2: gossiping that they're either team Blake Lively or team Justin Baldoni,
- 2:56Speaker 2: and they're saying that Justin Baldoni is looking at this
- 2:58Speaker 2: movie as a domestic violence subject rather, and he's taking
- 3:04Speaker 2: it very seriously and making sure the way he approaches
- 3:07Speaker 2: it versus Blake Lively, who's coming in and seeing this
- 3:09Speaker 2: as a ya romantic movie rom com, if you will,
- 3:14Speaker 2: and so approaching it very differently, even to the fact
- 3:18Speaker 2: that in one interview that has been circulating pretty loudly,
- 3:24Speaker 2: the dude who's interviewing her says something along the lines of,
- 3:30Speaker 2: you know, I'm sure you know that you're going to
- 3:33Speaker 2: get a lot of fans coming up to you after
- 3:34Speaker 2: this movie and asking you questions or advice. What would
- 3:38Speaker 2: you say to those who have been in similar DV situations?
- 3:41Speaker 2: And her response was very odd and went to, like, oh,
- 3:44Speaker 2: you mean, like give him my address, given my phone number,
- 3:47Speaker 2: given my direct contact. Like she was really on the
- 3:50Speaker 2: defensive to the point that everybody was uncomfortable except for
- 3:53Speaker 2: her because they were like, ha, no, that was that
- 3:58Speaker 2: was a real question, what is happening. So there's been
- 4:02Speaker 2: so many criticisms to her, specifically saying you were not
- 4:06Speaker 2: handling this well. We know that you're not the arbiter
- 4:10Speaker 2: of the answers for domestic violence victims, but you know,
- 4:13Speaker 2: it's reasonable to believe that people are going to see
- 4:15Speaker 2: you and think that you are trying to portray something
- 4:19Speaker 2: that they may have gone through similar things that they've
- 4:21Speaker 2: gone through, or are going to ask you advice and
- 4:23Speaker 2: or you know, questions about this. And she followed up
- 4:26Speaker 2: afterwards with Instagram stories saying, you know, we want to
- 4:31Speaker 2: dedicate this to all the victims and whatever whatnot, and
- 4:33Speaker 2: they are so strong and we know that they are
- 4:35Speaker 2: and if you are a victim of domestic violence, called
- 4:39Speaker 2: this link whatever whatnot as where Justin Baldoni immediately has
- 4:43Speaker 2: been on the We want to make sure we portray
- 4:45Speaker 2: this correctly. Again, I might be on just one side
- 4:48Speaker 2: of TikTok, but this is what I've gathered. We want
- 4:51Speaker 2: you know that the women they know that who have
- 4:54Speaker 2: gone through this know that we were with them and
- 4:55Speaker 2: we want to stand for them. And all these things,
- 4:57Speaker 2: and like has had a link to who likes resources
- 5:01Speaker 2: for domestic violence victims and survivors. So all these things,
- 5:04Speaker 2: so all these drama, drama, drama, drama, which made me
- 5:08Speaker 2: wonder about this situation. And when the book initially published
- 5:13Speaker 2: there were back and forth. There was a skating review
- 5:17Speaker 2: for the book as well, and here is one from
- 5:21Speaker 2: Cosmo or Cosmopolitan. It says, hoovery and plot typically kicks
- 5:26Speaker 2: off with a relationship problem that drives the protagonist away
- 5:29Speaker 2: like an ugly love, and these are all books that
- 5:31Speaker 2: she's written. I believe. The boyfriend character then uses physical
- 5:34Speaker 2: abuse and manipulation to get his partner to stay see
- 5:37Speaker 2: November ninth the book. The main character very easily forgives
- 5:41Speaker 2: her partner for his dangerous transgressions without merit. The book
- 5:45Speaker 2: is just one example, and the boyfriend rarely, if ever
- 5:48Speaker 2: apologizes for his harm, like in It Ends with Us. Now.
- 5:52Speaker 2: You could easily argue that these books are fiction and
- 5:55Speaker 2: should be treated as such, but Colleen Hoover's books are
- 5:58Speaker 2: extremely popular and an impression on young women, Whover's primary
- 6:02Speaker 2: audience by casually portraying abuse as quote just how a
- 6:06Speaker 2: relationship is supposed to look. This is the main reason
- 6:09Speaker 2: it's worrying that It Ends with Us is getting a
- 6:11Speaker 2: film adaptation. Given this book's popularity, it doesn't come as
- 6:15Speaker 2: much of a surprise that Justin Baldoni he apparently was
- 6:19Speaker 2: the director of Five Feet Apart, and Blake Lively happily
- 6:22Speaker 2: joined the project. It Ends with Us follows the story
- 6:25Speaker 2: of Lily Bloom and her doomed relationship with Ryle Kincaid.
- 6:29Speaker 2: It traces a Lily's life from her childhood in an
- 6:31Speaker 2: abusive home, to adulthood in an abusive relationship, and her
- 6:35Speaker 2: eventual escape from this tragic cycle, with Blake being the
- 6:39Speaker 2: epitome of an it girl. You know the theaters will
- 6:42Speaker 2: be filled with teens. So this was before it was
- 6:45Speaker 2: actually filmed. In these comments, these new comments have kind
- 6:50Speaker 2: of done exactly what this article was afraid of. That
- 6:54Speaker 2: this is emphasized in a way. Now I will say
- 6:57Speaker 2: there were women who watched this movie and said, I
- 7:00Speaker 2: relate to this, this is my story and was very
- 7:03Speaker 2: very excited to see it, or I'm not excited but hopeful.
- 7:07Speaker 2: I guess that the message was being spread. But their
- 7:09Speaker 2: response was that Colleen Hoover and Blake Lively's response were
- 7:14Speaker 2: not good and did not give the seriousness that it
- 7:17Speaker 2: should have been attributed to. They really felt like they
- 7:20Speaker 2: dropped the ball in with how this could have been handled. Again,
- 7:24Speaker 2: that one interview that I watched with Blake Lively was
- 7:26Speaker 2: really odd that she got on the defensive instead of
- 7:29Speaker 2: talking about, well, these are you know, these are amazing women.
- 7:32Speaker 2: I don't know. I couldn't even be in their shoes honestly,
- 7:35Speaker 2: and I know it's a big honor that I can
- 7:37Speaker 2: portray this for them point blankly, even if you have
- 7:40Speaker 2: no experience whatsoever, and that that's all you really needed
- 7:43Speaker 2: to say, or even if you have, like you know,
- 7:45Speaker 2: soch a complicated subject. Playing this role was difficult, but
- 7:49Speaker 2: I hope I honored them that could be just like
- 7:52Speaker 2: they didn't even you know, she didn't even need to
- 7:54Speaker 2: give resourcesm or stuff, because let's be honest, actors are actors.
- 7:57Speaker 2: They're not necessarily someone who know exactly what's happening. They
- 8:01Speaker 2: don't understand the depth of their role. It's a job
- 8:04Speaker 2: get I get that but she's also an executive producer,
- 8:09Speaker 2: so it kind of is to like, you know, you
- 8:12Speaker 2: took on a big charge. This is your movie. You
- 8:14Speaker 2: need to understand. Just beyond that, it was successful. And
- 8:27Speaker 2: another part of the backlash to this was apparently Colleen
- 8:30Speaker 2: Hoover was going to do a coloring book based on
- 8:34Speaker 2: the story. And here's a quote from SLAT about that.
- 8:37Speaker 2: It says the negative response was swift and overwhelming for
- 8:40Speaker 2: obvious reasons. It ends with us is a book about
- 8:43Speaker 2: domestic violence. Hoover detractors who say she romanticizes abusers how
- 8:47Speaker 2: do a new weapon in their arsenal? How can Hoover
- 8:49Speaker 2: pretend she takes the subject matter seriously while creating QC
- 8:53Speaker 2: juvenile merchandise. Only twenty four hours after the coloring book's
- 8:57Speaker 2: publication was announced, it was canceled do to pushbacks from
- 9:01Speaker 2: both fans and critics. So here's another part to this.
- 9:05Speaker 2: Colleen Hoover does have experience with her mother being in
- 9:09Speaker 2: an abuse victim her father. I guess her father was
- 9:12Speaker 2: the abuser. Here's a little from her campus dot com.
- 9:16Speaker 2: The afterward of Hoover's book is also very important. Colleen
- 9:19Speaker 2: discloses in her afterward that she herself is a child
- 9:22Speaker 2: of an abusive relationship. The author's own personal story as
- 9:26Speaker 2: an extra layer and personal struggle to Ryle and Lily's story.
- 9:29Speaker 2: Hoover thinks and applauds her mom for leaving her dad
- 9:32Speaker 2: to ensure she grew up in a healthy, safe, non
- 9:34Speaker 2: abusive household. Hoover's mom ended her cycle of abuse to
- 9:38Speaker 2: ensure it didn't carry through into her daughter's life. This
- 9:41Speaker 2: is mirrored in Lily's story, and Colleen reminds us once
- 9:45Speaker 2: again of the complexities of domestic abuse. While Colleen Hoover's
- 9:49Speaker 2: own mother and her character Lily eventually do leave their abusers,
- 9:52Speaker 2: a lot of women do not. Many remain with their
- 9:55Speaker 2: abusers because they're not just abusers. They are their husband's
- 9:58Speaker 2: boyfriend's fathers. They are someone they love and who they
- 10:01Speaker 2: believe loves them. It is far more complicated than just leaving,
- 10:05Speaker 2: and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous. So I feel like
- 10:08Speaker 2: that article was specific to saying that this is this
- 10:12Speaker 2: is a question like is this book an actual romanticization
- 10:16Speaker 2: of abuse? So the way that the story, if I
- 10:22Speaker 2: had not known anything about the drama, the celebrity drama
- 10:27Speaker 2: if you will, to the point that like Baldoni has
- 10:30Speaker 2: hired a crisis pr crew apparently, Like I don't know,
- 10:33Speaker 2: these could be just rumors. I'm just really caught up
- 10:35Speaker 2: in celebrity gossip. I don't know why. But had I
- 10:37Speaker 2: not known that the advertisements that, because there are a
- 10:40Speaker 2: few that I have seen, would make me think this
- 10:43Speaker 2: is a funny, romantic comedy with maybe a splice of drama,
- 10:47Speaker 2: and you know, like not knowing what that drama is,
- 10:50Speaker 2: I will say I think like Ryan Reynolds, her husband
- 10:54Speaker 2: has come on to rewrite scenes, and the way they
- 10:58Speaker 2: come together to again ties the movie does make it
- 11:02Speaker 2: seem very lighthearted. At one point, there's another male actor
- 11:06Speaker 2: who gets along really well with Blake Lively and have
- 11:09Speaker 2: been a part of all of her publicity. Junk Is
- 11:12Speaker 2: like he's been a part of it. Like there was
- 11:13Speaker 2: a little quit where Ryan Reynolds gets to like interview
- 11:16Speaker 2: him and being like, oh, I see you're my wife's
- 11:18Speaker 2: love interests. But I also have you know, like being
- 11:20Speaker 2: quirky and silly and like almost like a crossover for
- 11:24Speaker 2: Wolverine Dead, pulling Wolverine with that movie. Like I've seen
- 11:28Speaker 2: a lot of that, but it turns out the stories
- 11:30Speaker 2: about fleeing domestic violence and I'm like, wow, I would
- 11:35Speaker 2: have never I would have never known what that was.
- 11:38Speaker 2: And that's really complicated because how triggering could that be
- 11:42Speaker 2: for so many who do not know anything about this? Again,
- 11:45Speaker 2: like I said, I'm one of the few that it not.
- 11:47Speaker 2: And then that complicated question, that conversation that we continue
- 11:51Speaker 2: to have about why it's okay to profit off of
- 11:57Speaker 2: these traumatic experience is without taking any responsibility in what
- 12:05Speaker 2: they produce. Again, like I am all about get your money,
- 12:10Speaker 2: take your story, do what you need to is for
- 12:13Speaker 2: you. You know you have that right. So I have no
- 12:15Speaker 2: problem with Colleen Hoover doing what she needs to do
- 12:18Speaker 2: through her own trauma. But you also need to be
- 12:22Speaker 2: aware when you make it big and you sell it
- 12:24Speaker 2: to audiences and ask audiences to accept this and fans
- 12:28Speaker 2: to accept this and to love this and take this
- 12:30Speaker 2: as something as a part of their heart, you know
- 12:32Speaker 2: what I mean, like to love it as much as
- 12:33Speaker 2: they do. You have to actually be responsible and helping
- 12:38Speaker 2: to create a safe space for those people. And that
- 12:43Speaker 2: goes with like executive producers who decided like, oh, I'm
- 12:45Speaker 2: gonna make a lot of money off this movie. Let's
- 12:48Speaker 2: do it this way, and you know, like as well
- 12:50Speaker 2: as the writers in this. Now again, I'm not saying
- 12:55Speaker 2: actors who have a job go in are necessarily responsible
- 13:00Speaker 2: for other people's trauma. That's not what I'm saying at all,
- 13:04Speaker 2: But I think there is that level of understanding that
- 13:07Speaker 2: if you're willing to take a personal story like this
- 13:12Speaker 2: that many that you think many will relate to, you
- 13:15Speaker 2: also have to be willing to see where that level
- 13:21Speaker 2: of trauma can take a person like this has nothing
- 13:24Speaker 2: to do with what people choosing to go see a movie.
- 13:26Speaker 2: That's their choice and just as much as their is
- 13:28Speaker 2: their choice to leave. Absolutely, but you can't be afraid
- 13:32Speaker 2: to be like, yeah, this may be taken out of context,
- 13:36Speaker 2: or this is a flourishment of what I saw, and
- 13:39Speaker 2: I don't agree that this is healthy necessarily blah blah
- 13:41Speaker 2: blahlah blah blah. As we've talked about with like Twilight again,
- 13:45Speaker 2: I come back to that because we're like, that is
- 13:46Speaker 2: a stalker, that dude. Like if we were comparing Twilight
- 13:50Speaker 2: to and I was actually to Cult Girls, which we
- 13:54Speaker 2: just read, it's similar the whole Like, oh, I know
- 13:57Speaker 2: you're just out of college, out of high school, but
- 13:59Speaker 2: I want to have you want to have sex with me?
- 14:00Speaker 2: We got to get married now. Like that that kind
- 14:03Speaker 2: of context is like it's not as romantic as you
- 14:05Speaker 2: think that is. Yeah, But again with all of that,
- 14:14Speaker 2: I feel like we have a responsibility to a certain
- 14:17Speaker 2: degree of at least having the conversation behind it, Like
- 14:21Speaker 2: you need to be able to have that conversation with
- 14:24Speaker 2: it in order to dispel the romanticism that is often
- 14:28Speaker 2: misleading to younger people.
- 14:30Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, it kind of It reminds me of our
- 14:35Speaker 1: when we talked about rape revenge movies and how important
- 14:38Speaker 1: it is if you're who's involved in filming that, who's
- 14:42Speaker 1: behind the camera, who's writing it, and even if you
- 14:45Speaker 1: know it's just having some person on set who's very
- 14:50Speaker 1: cognizant of you know, we need to be aware of
- 14:53Speaker 1: these things like that is really important because something like
- 14:57Speaker 1: that it can be incredibly devastating or triggering to someone
- 15:04Speaker 1: who's been through something like that. And I also think
- 15:09Speaker 1: it's just better it generally feels it's more like, Okay,
- 15:15Speaker 1: this is coming from a place of at least somebody knows,
- 15:19Speaker 1: somebody did some research or somebody is aware of the
- 15:23Speaker 1: impacts of this. It's one of the things I dislike
- 15:26Speaker 1: the most in media is when things are romanticized that
- 15:32Speaker 1: I'm like, this is actually we really really shouldn't be
- 15:37Speaker 1: romanticizing this. And I'll say, of course, I got to
- 15:40Speaker 1: bring it up from my fan fiction perspective. It used
- 15:44Speaker 1: to be a lot like that, and that still exists,
- 15:46Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, but it has shifted much more
- 15:49Speaker 1: where maybe that exists, but that guy is now the
- 15:51Speaker 1: bad guy instead of the like, oh, he's just troubled.
- 15:55Speaker 1: Now it's like he is bad. And I'm personally very
- 16:00Speaker 1: glad for this because it has always posed me like
- 16:04Speaker 1: why are we attracted to this?
- 16:08Speaker 2: He's the worst?
- 16:09Speaker 1: But it's not even like why are you attracted to this?
- 16:11Speaker 1: It's like why are we writing it? Like it is
- 16:14Speaker 1: right attractive?
- 16:16Speaker 2: Right? Yeah, it's been around. I was thinking my so
- 16:18Speaker 2: called live Jordan Katalano was the worst dude in the world,
- 16:23Speaker 2: and yet we all wanted him, and then he grew
- 16:25Speaker 2: up and we all grew up.
- 16:26Speaker 1: I was like, oh, never mind, that's the thing. But
- 16:30Speaker 1: that is the thing. When it's like a young adult, Yeah,
- 16:33Speaker 1: it's really tricky. You have to keep in mind.
- 16:35Speaker 2: Right and again, for those who loved this book or
- 16:38Speaker 2: are excited about this movie, I apologize. I get I
- 16:40Speaker 2: know nothing specifically about this book. I'm just going from
- 16:44Speaker 2: what I'm reading and from the drama that has encouraged
- 16:47Speaker 2: from this because apparently Justin Baldoni, people are like loving
- 16:51Speaker 2: him the fact that he has emphasized the importance of
- 16:55Speaker 2: intimacy coordinators, like he apparently brought up that up as
- 16:59Speaker 2: a part of the way they filmed it, and he
- 17:00Speaker 2: wanted people to know that, like as well as like
- 17:03Speaker 2: talking about and I'm not putting him in pencil. I
- 17:06Speaker 2: know nothing about Lively, y'all. Apparently all this stuff has
- 17:09Speaker 2: come out. I don't even know if I've ever seen
- 17:11Speaker 2: her in a movie, now that I think about it,
- 17:13Speaker 2: I don't think I've watched her in anything. I don't
- 17:15Speaker 2: think I've ever seen her in anything. That's how little
- 17:18Speaker 2: I know of her. I know she's apparently a great
- 17:20Speaker 2: mother and a wife and great friends with Taylor Swift.
- 17:24Speaker 2: So there you go. So no hate to that. I'm
- 17:28Speaker 2: just saying, like these articles and just in these subjects alone,
- 17:31Speaker 2: and this just happened to be the hot topic of today.
- 17:35Speaker 2: August fifteenth, twenty twenty four, which could change. But like,
- 17:39Speaker 2: it is interesting when we have these conversations about who
- 17:42Speaker 2: is the it couple and why, and then who were
- 17:45Speaker 2: celebrating who we're not, and then how it's being handled
- 17:47Speaker 2: after it's brought into public.
- 17:50Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, there's definitely a lot to think about an
- 17:55Speaker 1: unpack with this. You know, I've got a lot of
- 17:58Speaker 1: thoughts about this. Well, listeners, if you have any thoughts
- 18:03Speaker 1: about this, if you have thoughts about the book or
- 18:05Speaker 1: the movie or both, please let us know. You can
- 18:09Speaker 1: email us as Stuff Media mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
- 18:11Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast,
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- 18:23Speaker 1: Christina or executive dus to Maya and our contributor Joey.
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