Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 326. The 12 Rules of Reality Transurfing Under Pressure

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326. The 12 Rules of Reality Transurfing Under Pressure · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie (2): Pressure enters the room, and suddenly one possibility looks like the only possibility.
• 0:06
  Kathie (2): One email means the deal is falling apart.
• 0:09
  Kathie (2): One difficult conversation means the relationship is over.
• 0:14
  Kathie (2): One mistake means you've ruined everything.
• 0:18
  Kathie (2): But did the situation change that much, or did pressure change what you could see?
• 0:24
  Kathie (2): That question is at the heart of how I use Reality Transurfing.
• 0:29
  Kathie (2): It has helped me notice when I'm giving too much power to a circumstance, getting pulled into someone else's urgency, or trying to force an outcome because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't.
• 0:44
  Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast.
• 0:47
  Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen.
• 0:48
  Kathie (2): I'm a private consultant, author, and a speaker.
• 0:52
  Kathie (2): I study human patterns under pressure and what happens to our thinking, our behavior, and our choices when the stakes feel high.
• 1:00
  Kathie (2): I bring that work into conversations with leaders, onto stages, and into the stories I share.
• 1:06
  Kathie (2): I've also studied Reality Transurfing for many years.
• 1:10
  Kathie (2): I keep finding new ways its ideas help me look at leadership, relationships, emotional regulation, and everyday life.
• 1:19
  Kathie (2): Heck, that's what this channel is all about.
• 1:22
  Kathie (2): We look at patterns that show up in real moments, ask what they might be telling us, and explore what becomes possible when we pause before we react.
• 1:33
  Kathie (2): If that sounds like a conversation you'd enjoy, subscribe to the channel.
• 1:37
  Kathie (2): I'd love to have you here for the next one.
• 1:40
  Kathie (2): And today, I want to talk through 12 rules of Reality Transurfing and show you how I see them through the lens of pressure.
• 1:50
  Kathie (2): Reality Transurfing comes from Vadim Zeland.
• 1:54
  Kathie (2): Some of its language may sound unusual if you're new to it.
• 1:57
  Kathie (2): You don't have to master every term today.
• 2:00
  Kathie (2): I'm gonna give you a way to recognize each idea in real life.
• 2:06
  Kathie (2): Let's start with the moment that email arrives.
• 2:08
  Kathie (2): Maybe you're a founder waiting to hear from a potential buyer.
• 2:12
  Kathie (2): You see a short message,"We need to talk about a concern that came up." Your stomach drops.
• 2:17
  Kathie (2): Within seconds, your mind has written the rest of the story.
• 2:21
  Kathie (2): They're backing out.
• 2:22
  Kathie (2): Your team will find out.
• 2:23
  Kathie (2): The whole deal is in trouble.
• 2:25
  Kathie (2): You know only one thing for certain: they wanna talk about a concern.
• 2:30
  Kathie (2): That gap between what happened and what you believe it means is where these rules become useful.
• 2:38
  Kathie (2): Rule number one: mental energy.
• 2:41
  Kathie (2): The first rule asks us to pay attention to where our mental energy goes.
• 2:46
  Kathie (2): If you spend the next hour rehearsing disaster, what happens?
• 2:51
  Kathie (2): You may stop listening.
• 2:52
  Kathie (2): You may send an email you wish you had waited to send.
• 2:55
  Kathie (2): You may walk into the conversation ready to defend yourself before you even know what the concern is.
• 3:01
  Kathie (2): Your thoughts matter because they shape what you notice and what you do next.
• 3:06
  Kathie (2): When I feel myself locking into one frightening outcome, I like to say there are infinite solutions to every problem and circumstance.
• 3:16
  Kathie (2): That does not tell me which solution will appear.
• 3:20
  Kathie (2): It reminds me that I may not have seen anything yet.
• 3:25
  Kathie (2): Rule number two, pendulums.
• 3:27
  Kathie (2): A pendulum in transurfing is something that pulls people into a shared pattern of attention and emotion.
• 3:34
  Kathie (2): Picture a meeting after a mistake.
• 3:37
  Kathie (2): One person is angry.
• 3:39
  Kathie (2): Another starts looking for someone to blame.
• 3:41
  Kathie (2): Soon the whole room is spinning around the mistake.
• 3:45
  Kathie (2): Everyone feels the pull to pick a side or prove they were right.
• 3:49
  Kathie (2): You can acknowledge the mistake without joining the spin.
• 3:53
  Kathie (2): That might sound like,"Let's find out what happens and what needs to be done." You're still in the room.
• 3:59
  Kathie (2): You're still responsible for your part.
• 4:01
  Kathie (2): You've simply noticed the pull before letting it decide how you behave.
• 4:07
  Kathie (2): I've written several articles on pendulums and Reality Transurfing, and I will have a link to that in the show notes and description below.
• 4:16
  Kathie (2): Now, rule number three, the wave of luck.
• 4:20
  Kathie (2): This rule invites us to notice what we take in and what we pass along.
• 4:25
  Kathie (2): Have you ever noticed a difficult message, assumed the worst, and carried that fear into every conversation for the rest of the day?
• 4:32
  Kathie (2): Yeah, me too.
• 4:35
  Kathie (2): But when that happens, you may become less open.
• 4:39
  Kathie (2): You may miss a useful idea because it doesn't fit the story you're already running in your mind.
• 4:45
  Kathie (2): The wave of luck is not a demand to smile when something hurts.
• 4:49
  Kathie (2): If you're disappointed, you can be disappointed.
• 4:51
  Kathie (2): If you're scared, you can admit you're scared, then you leave room for something else to happen.
• 4:58
  Kathie (2): Maybe the person calling about the deal has a question you can answer.
• 5:02
  Kathie (2): Maybe the conversation reveals a problem that is better addressed now.
• 5:08
  Kathie (2): You don't know yet.
• 5:09
  Kathie (2): Can you stay open long enough to find out?
• 5:13
  Kathie (2): Rule number four, excess potential.
• 5:16
  Kathie (2): This is one of the rules I return to most often.
• 5:19
  Kathie (2): Transurfing calls it excess potential.
• 5:23
  Kathie (2): I think of it as what happens when I make one outcome so important that I can hardly breathe around it.
• 5:30
  Kathie (2): The deal has to close.
• 5:32
  Kathie (2): The person has to understand me.
• 5:34
  Kathie (2): This presentation has to go perfectly.
• 5:37
  Kathie (2): Notice how much pressure those words create.
• 5:40
  Kathie (2): Reducing importance does not mean you stop caring.
• 5:43
  Kathie (2): It means you can care deeply without handing your peace, your judgment, and every possible next step to one result.
• 5:53
  Kathie (2): The founder can prepare carefully for the call and still say,"Let me hear the concern before I decide what it means." That is a very different way to enter the conversation.
• 6:04
  Kathie (2): Rule number five, induced transition.
• 6:07
  Kathie (2): Have you ever followed one frightening thought into five more?
• 6:11
  Kathie (2): You read bad news, then you read every opinion about it, then you start searching for signs that the same thing is happening to you.
• 6:18
  Kathie (2): An hour later, your world feels so much smaller.
• 6:23
  Kathie (2): Transurfing uses induced transition to describe that pull into a negative course of events.
• 6:31
  Kathie (2): What interests me most is the pattern I can observe.
• 6:34
  Kathie (2): Attention leads to more attention.
• 6:36
  Kathie (2): A story begins to shape the choices I make.
• 6:40
  Kathie (2): I can ask,"Is this information helping me respond, or am I feeding my fear?" I still need to know what matters.
• 6:48
  Kathie (2): I still need to face what is in front of me, but I can choose when to stop collecting reasons to panic and return to the actual decision.
• 6:57
  Kathie (2): And if you wanna spend a little more time with these ideas after this video, I've linked an article below.
• 7:02
  Kathie (2): It explores how I use Reality Transurfing in my work today, especially when pressure begins to shape what a person or a team can see.
• 7:13
  Kathie (2): Rule number six: the rustle of the morning stars.
• 7:17
  Kathie (2): This rule has a beautiful name.
• 7:20
  Kathie (2): It asks us to listen when something inside us feels off.
• 7:23
  Kathie (2): I want to handle this one with care because discomfort can mean different things.
• 7:28
  Kathie (2): Sometimes a path is wrong for us.
• 7:30
  Kathie (2): Sometimes a good path feels uncomfortable because it asks us to be brave.
• 7:36
  Kathie (2): One feeling alone may not tell the whole story.
• 7:39
  Kathie (2): So instead of treating discomfort as a final verdict, get curious about it.
• 7:45
  Kathie (2): Are you trying to talk yourself into an agreement because you're afraid to lose the opportunity?
• 7:51
  Kathie (2): Are you nervous because you care about doing the work well?
• 7:55
  Kathie (2): Those are different experiences.
• 7:57
  Kathie (2): Pause.
• 7:58
  Kathie (2): Listen.
• 8:00
  Kathie (2): Ask another question before you force yourself forward or walk away.
• 8:06
  Kathie (2): Rule number seven: moving with the current.
• 8:10
  Kathie (2): This rule asks what becomes possible when we stop pushing against every part of the process.
• 8:17
  Kathie (2): Imagine you're trying to open a door that won't move.
• 8:20
  Kathie (2): You push harder.
• 8:21
  Kathie (2): You put your shoulder into it.
• 8:23
  Kathie (2): Then someone points to the sign,"Pull." I have done a version of that in my life.
• 8:31
  Kathie (2): Maybe you have, too.
• 8:33
  Kathie (2): Moving with the current does not mean sitting still and hoping.
• 8:37
  Kathie (2): It means paying attention to what is actually happening.
• 8:41
  Kathie (2): What is opening?
• 8:42
  Kathie (2): What keeps requiring force?
• 8:44
  Kathie (2): What small step is available now?
• 8:47
  Kathie (2): In consulting, that may mean listening to the people in a company before deciding what the problem is.
• 8:53
  Kathie (2): The first explanation can sound convincing.
• 8:56
  Kathie (2): The real pattern may only appear when you stop pushing your first answer.
• 9:03
  Kathie (2): Rule number eight: intention.
• 9:05
  Kathie (2): Transurfing distinguishes between the effort we can direct and a broader intention that leaves room for the path to unfold.
• 9:14
  Kathie (2): Here is how I work with that idea.
• 9:17
  Kathie (2): I can choose my direction.
• 9:19
  Kathie (2): I can prepare.
• 9:20
  Kathie (2): I can make the call and do the work.
• 9:22
  Kathie (2): I don't need to control every person, response, or turn in the road to remain committed to that direction.
• 9:29
  Kathie (2): Think about the founder waiting for the conversation.
• 9:32
  Kathie (2): They can gather what they know and show up ready to listen.
• 9:35
  Kathie (2): They cannot script the other person's words.
• 9:39
  Kathie (2): Intention says,"This matters to me, and I will take my part seriously," and it leaves room to discover the next part.
• 9:47
  Kathie (2): Rule number nine, slides.
• 9:50
  Kathie (2): A slide is the picture you return to in your mind.
• 9:53
  Kathie (2): Under pressure, many of us have a slide already playing.
• 9:56
  Kathie (2): We see the failed meeting before we enter it.
• 9:59
  Kathie (2): We hear the rejection before the phone rings.
• 10:02
  Kathie (2): We picture ourselves stumbling over every word.
• 10:05
  Kathie (2): Transurfing invites us to create another slide, one that feels good and true to the direction we wanna move.
• 10:13
  Kathie (2): If you're preparing for a hard conversation, picture yourself present in it.
• 10:18
  Kathie (2): You're listening, you're speaking clearly, you handle a pause.
• 10:22
  Kathie (2): You can hear something unexpected and still choose your response.
• 10:26
  Kathie (2): You aren't promising yourself that the other person will agree.
• 10:29
  Kathie (2): You're giving your mind another scene to practice.
• 10:34
  Kathie (2): Rule number 10, visualization.
• 10:37
  Kathie (2): Slides help us spend time with a desired experience.
• 10:41
  Kathie (2): Visualization in this rule brings our attention to the process of getting there.
• 10:46
  Kathie (2): Suppose you wanna become a stronger speaker.
• 10:49
  Kathie (2): You could picture yourself receiving applause.
• 10:51
  Kathie (2): That may feel wonderful, and you could picture the current step, walking to the front of the room, taking a breath, saying your first sentence, and recovering if you lose your place.
• 11:03
  Kathie (2): Now you have something to do.
• 11:06
  Kathie (2): I speak on stages about what happens when pressure enters the room.
• 11:10
  Kathie (2): The moment after a stumble can reveal more than the stumble itself.
• 11:15
  Kathie (2): Can you pause, stay with yourself, and continue?
• 11:19
  Kathie (2): That is a pattern you can practice.
• 11:23
  Kathie (2): Rule number 11, frail.
• 11:25
  Kathie (2): In transurfing, frail points toward what is deeply your own.
• 11:30
  Kathie (2): The rule also speaks to being worthy of love.
• 11:34
  Kathie (2): Pressure can make us forget that.
• 11:36
  Kathie (2): We start looking around the room to find out who we need to be.
• 11:40
  Kathie (2): We change our words to sound impressive.
• 11:42
  Kathie (2): We agree to something that doesn't fit because we want to be chosen.
• 11:47
  Kathie (2): I think this rule gives us a question.
• 11:50
  Kathie (2): What would I recognize as mine if I stopped trying to earn my place?
• 11:55
  Kathie (2): You can learn from other people.
• 11:57
  Kathie (2): You can adjust and grow.
• 11:58
  Kathie (2): You can also notice when you've moved so far from yourself that you no longer know what you want to say.
• 12:06
  Kathie (2): Rule number 12, goals and doors.
• 12:09
  Kathie (2): This last rule asks us to look at both the goal and the path toward it.
• 12:15
  Kathie (2): Maybe you want to build a business.
• 12:17
  Kathie (2): That goal lights you up, but the only path you can imagine is one you dread, copying someone else's model, filling every hour, and performing a version of yourself that feels false.
• 12:28
  Kathie (2): Is that the only door?
• 12:30
  Kathie (2): Maybe there's another way to begin.
• 12:33
  Kathie (2): You could talk to people, share what you're learning, pay attention to what they need.
• 12:38
  Kathie (2): Let the work reveal its shape as you go.
• 12:41
  Kathie (2): A meaningful goal matters, so does the way you live while you're moving toward it.
• 12:47
  Kathie (2): What these rules have in common.
• 12:49
  Kathie (2): So let's go back to that founder and the email.
• 12:52
  Kathie (2): "We need to talk about a concern that came up." At first, it looks like one message and one terrible future.
• 12:59
  Kathie (2): Now there are more things to notice.
• 13:02
  Kathie (2): Is a pendulum of fear forming around the deal?
• 13:05
  Kathie (2): Has this one outcome become so important that no one can think clearly?
• 13:09
  Kathie (2): Is the founder responding to the email or to the disaster slide already playing in their mind?
• 13:16
  Kathie (2): The concern might be serious.
• 13:18
  Kathie (2): It deserves attention.
• 13:20
  Kathie (2): The founder can prepare and enter the call with courage, but they do not have to decide the whole story before the conversation begins.
• 13:29
  Kathie (2): That is what connects Reality Transurfing to human patterns under pressure for me.
• 13:34
  Kathie (2): When pressure hits, we may narrow our vision and react to a meaning we have assigned before we have all the information.
• 13:42
  Kathie (2): We can notice that pattern.
• 13:44
  Kathie (2): We can pause, and from that pause, we can choose our next step with more clarity.
• 13:50
  Kathie (2): I've studied these ideas for almost a decade, and I still practice them today.
• 13:56
  Kathie (2): Some days the pause comes quickly.
• 13:58
  Kathie (2): Other days I catch myself halfway down the road of a story I created.
• 14:02
  Kathie (2): I can notice where I am and choose again.
• 14:06
  Kathie (2): If one of these rules made you think,"Oh, I do that," tell me which one in the comments.
• 14:12
  Kathie (2): I'd love to know what stood out to you.
• 14:14
  Kathie (2): And if you're a leader facing a decision, a transition, or a pattern in your organization that you can feel but can't quite name, you're welcome to reach out.
• 14:23
  Kathie (2): My consulting work starts with a conversation about what you're seeing and what's happening under pressure.
• 14:31
  Kathie (2): You'll find a way to contact me in the description and show notes below.
• 14:36
  Kathie (2): The companion article is linked there too, along with my original guide to all 12 rules.
• 14:41
  Kathie (2): And if you want more conversations that bring together leadership, relationships, emotional regulation, Reality Transurfing, and the patterns we notice in everyday life, subscribe to the channel.
• 14:54
  Kathie (2): I hope to see you here.
• 14:56
  Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen.
• 14:58
  Kathie (2): Thank you for spending this time with me.
• 14:59
  Kathie (2): I trust you found it helpful, and I'll see you on the next episode of the Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast.