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Transcript

The Hope That Comes from Helping Others · The World Knowledge

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Well, good evening listeners. Thank you so much for coming
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: on and taking time to listen to Lamenta Vogue podcast,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: another episode for you. And today it's a special one
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: for me because my mom, she was a mom in
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  Speaker 1: her late 30s, early 40s because she struggled with infertility.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: So it took her 12 years to have me. And
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  Speaker 1: then shortly after me, she had my sister. Why didn't
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  Speaker 1: if someone does ask you like, why didn't you do
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  Speaker 1: the IVF route before adoption?
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  Speaker 2: It's a good, it's a valid question. And really my,
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  Speaker 2: my answer is that we're still trying. So I want to,
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  Speaker 2: I want to be a mom at the end of
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  Speaker 2: the day. I want to be a parent. And I
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  Speaker 2: believe that our adopted children, wherever they are right now,
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  Speaker 2: are my children. At the end of the day, they
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  Speaker 2: will be my children. They will be the children that
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  Speaker 2: I raise. We plan to adopt a sibling set that
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: they're a little bit older. So we're, you know, we're
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  Speaker 2: looking at around, you know, around four years old to
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  Speaker 2: eight years old in that range. And we're doing that
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  Speaker 2: because we realize like, I mean, there's a clock. There's
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  Speaker 2: a clock of when, you know, if we have a
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  Speaker 2: child right now biologically, I'm 29, my husband's turning 34.
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  Speaker 2: And it's, yes, a lot of people look at that as, oh,
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  Speaker 2: you're still so young. And I hear that all the time.
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  Speaker 2: But realistically, I wanted to have my first kid when
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  Speaker 2: I was 21. I got married when I was 19.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm way behind, right? It's not really behind, but
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  Speaker 2: that's what it feels like sometimes.
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  Speaker 1: And so.
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  Speaker 2: We're not doing IVF right now because we are still
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  Speaker 2: trying to have a biological child naturally. And the reason
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  Speaker 2: why is because we found out through getting a new
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  Speaker 2: doctor that it's not just me. My husband actually found
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  Speaker 2: some new things, a new thing that was wrong with
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  Speaker 2: his sperm. He has DNA refragmentation. And that was the
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  Speaker 2: reason for a lot of our miscarriages is because I'll
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  Speaker 2: get pregnant. Well, the embryo starts to create and then
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  Speaker 2: his side of the DNA disintegrates basically. And so then
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  Speaker 2: I miscarry. And it's not only him. I have PCOS
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  Speaker 2: or PMOS, you know, the different way of saying it now.
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  Speaker 2: And so there's two, it's both of us. And so
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  Speaker 2: he got that surgery in January. We just learned about it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I wish I would have known about it years ago,
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  Speaker 2: but I know about it now. So he got that
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  Speaker 2: surgery in January and it can take up to about
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  Speaker 2: a year for the sperm to be 100% better. And
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  Speaker 2: so we're going to keep trying naturally because I really
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  Speaker 2: want– I want my body– I don't want to force
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  Speaker 2: pregnancy on my body and then have complications. My mom
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  Speaker 2: had really complicated pregnancies. Anything that I can do to
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  Speaker 2: try and negate as many complications as possible, I.
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  Speaker 1: Would like to try.
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  Speaker 2: And so in my mind, it's like if I can
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  Speaker 2: prepare the house, if I can prepare my body– to
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  Speaker 2: be as healthy and as ready for the baby as possible,
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  Speaker 2: then I think going the more natural route makes more
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  Speaker 2: sense for me. But we did start the IVF process
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  Speaker 2: a few times and we backed out just because it
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  Speaker 2: didn't feel right. I'm not against IVF at all. If
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  Speaker 2: we get to a point where his sperm is not
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  Speaker 2: better or like the surgery didn't work or if we're
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  Speaker 2: still not conceiving probably for another year, naturally, then I'm
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  Speaker 2: 100% going to start going and looking into IVF again
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  Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I want to
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  Speaker 2: see my features and my husband's features like on a
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  Speaker 2: biological baby, of course, but that child will be the
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  Speaker 2: same as any adopted child we receive. And we've talked
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: about it even when we first got married. We knew
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  Speaker 2: that adoption was in our future. We both kind of
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  Speaker 2: felt that we're going to have more than just our
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  Speaker 2: biological children and our children will be more of more
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  Speaker 2: than just what's made up of us if that makes sense.
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  Speaker 1: Well I wanted to ask you because I think that's
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  Speaker 1: such a beautiful picture it's so interesting how you said
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  Speaker 1: forcing pregnancy upon your body when you really want to
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  Speaker 1: try as much as you can to see if your
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  Speaker 1: body can do it on its own before and I
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  Speaker 1: just I find that so like that's such a humble
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  Speaker 1: perspective I think because I think I think pregnancy can
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  Speaker 1: feel so like you're in control of it. And then
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  Speaker 1: the more people I've gotten to know and more recently
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  Speaker 1: with discussions with individuals having infertility issues, I'm like, you
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  Speaker 1: know what? I, pregnancy is not something that everyone's like,
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  Speaker 1: you don't actually have any idea what's going to happen.
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  Speaker 1: It's like completely like you can do the thing. Like,
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  Speaker 1: Most people can figure that out or that happens pretty good, right?
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  Speaker 1: But afterwards, you can't do anything. You can't even control
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  Speaker 1: what baby looks like or the baby may have Down syndrome.
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  Speaker 1: You can't control anything after that. It's completely out of
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  Speaker 1: your hands. And that is so interesting how a lot
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  Speaker 1: of times I think society and how we think about
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  Speaker 1: all these different options, which it's a gift that we
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  Speaker 1: have so many options, but sometimes we think, oh, we
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  Speaker 1: have so much control. And really in essence, it's such
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  Speaker 1: a gift. Like there is just nothing you can control
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  Speaker 1: about what's going to happen after you do all you can,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And that's just, it's crazy though,
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  Speaker 1: because I just always figured, you know, even with my
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  Speaker 1: mom's story, you know, I, It took me a while
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  Speaker 1: for that to hit, like, how amazing that was for her. But, like,
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  Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, yeah, you have sex, you
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  Speaker 1: have a baby. That happens. Like, boom. I was like, no, actually,
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  Speaker 1: maybe it doesn't. Exactly.
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  Speaker 2: You're like, wait a minute. And so then it's hard
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  Speaker 2: not to take that inside and make it internal, right? Oh,
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  Speaker 2: I'm the problem.
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  Speaker 1: What's wrong with me?
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  Speaker 2: No, nothing's wrong with you. It just means there's just things,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: there's science, there's literally– scientific reasons of why it's not happening.
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  Speaker 2: Infertility is a diagnosis, right? Even unexplained infertility is still
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  Speaker 2: a diagnosis.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And so it's, there's a reason why, like, let's figure
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  Speaker 2: it out. If you can make it happen naturally, then
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  Speaker 2: try it. I'm not, I mean, I am pro IVF
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  Speaker 2: all the way. I would, I think IVF is amazing.
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  Speaker 2: And I think it's amazing that we have that science.
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  Speaker 2: Same with ICSI. I think that's so cool that we
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  Speaker 2: can even do something like that. And I, I know
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  Speaker 2: a a plethora of people that have started their families
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  Speaker 2: successfully with IVF. And I love that that's a part
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  Speaker 2: of their story. And maybe it will be part of
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  Speaker 2: mine too. I don't know, but I just, I do
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  Speaker 2: feel going to some of the fertility clinics and talking
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  Speaker 2: to different doctors, IVF is pushed really hard. Especially when
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  Speaker 2: you've been dealing with it for nine years, like.
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  Speaker 1: Me, it's okay. Well, IVF is your next option. IVF, IVF.
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  Speaker 2: Well, IVF is extremely expensive, not covered by health insurance.
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  Speaker 2: And it is it's a really massive toll on your body.
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  Speaker 2: And if I can try to not put those hormones
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  Speaker 2: in and like try and do it naturally, let me
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  Speaker 2: just give me a little bit longer. Let me just
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  Speaker 2: try a little bit longer to see if I can
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  Speaker 2: do it. And if not, then absolutely. Let's bring the
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  Speaker 2: science in, you know.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I had a lot of those, too.
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  Speaker 2: I think that had a lot that helped my PCOS
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  Speaker 2: a ton.