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Surviving The Narcissist's Guilt Trip · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What's going on, beautiful people?
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So how do you survive the narcissist guilt trip?
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When a narcissistic toxic person tries to make you feel bad about
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holding them accountable or tries to make you feel bad about
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wanting to relieve, wanting to leave a relationship that is no
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longer serving you, how do you survive that?
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That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
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Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you the inside look at
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the mind of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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of The Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
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Y'all know I love the intro. I love it, I love it, I love it
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again, y'all, we're transitioning to the mental
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illness podcast here pretty soon.
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The episodes about narcissists will still continue.
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I'm just interviewing people across all spectrums of the
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mental health dynamic gal. But get in the car, folks.
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Get in the car and Pat, we're going on a guilt trip.
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That's what that's what most narcissistic people will do to
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you. They will take you on a guilt
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trip. They will take you on a ride.
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They want you to feel bad about the things holding them
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accountable for the things that they do to you now.
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Yeah. How crazy is this?
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Does that sound? They want to hold you.
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They want to make you feel bad for holding them accountable for
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things that they did to you. Make that make sense.
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Does that make sense to y'all? Does that make sense to y'all
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how somebody could try to make you feel bad for something that
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they did? Like, let's just say you want to
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leave a toxic relationship with an Arcis is right.
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Like they've cheated on you. They've done the most horrible
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things in the world to you. They put you through hell,
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right? They put you through hell and
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back and then took you to hell again.
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They put you through hell, pulled you back up and put you
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back through hell again. They pulled you back up, right?
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That's what they do. And then you finally decide to
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just be like, I'm leaving, I'm out.
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And they then they try to make you feel bad about you know
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what? You know what?
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Lisa Lisa, Lisa Lisa latte. You know what?
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You really going to leave me? Wow, You going to abandon your
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family? You going to leave me for a
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little cheating? You going to leave me for crack
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for for clapping some cheeks on the side?
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I didn't even give them a round. I didn't even give them a round
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of applause. I gave them a solo hand clap, A1
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hand clap. It just bare.
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It barely made any sound. And you going to leave me for
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that? And I'm the bad guy at the
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everybody else in my life has left me.
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You going to leave me too? You going to leave me just like
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my other girlfriend did, My wife did, my 7 ex wives, my 14 ex
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girlfriends? You going to leave me just like?
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Are you just like everybody else?
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You told me that you was different and I believed you.
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I trusted you and you going to do me like this?
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Is it working? And the scene?
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I know, yeah, I know, I know. I know that that sounds
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ridiculous, but that's how it goes.
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Sometimes it really does What's going on, what's going on.
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But that's how it goes without. For real.
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They try to make you feel bad about the things that they do.
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You want to leave after I've done something horrible to you,
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you should leave, right? But they got to make you feel
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bad about leaving. So how do you survive that,
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right? How do you survive that?
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First off, you need to realize that it's not your guilt.
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I call this false guilt or projected guilt.
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It's not really yours. It's theirs.
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It's their guilt. It's them feeling.
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Look, they know that they've done you wrong and they feel bad
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about it. So they put it on to you, right?
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They put it on to you. They project their guilt on to
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you. That's what they do.
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They'll put it. They'll put it directly on to
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you and make you feel bad about holding them accountable for
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what they did. Yeah.
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Ain't that crazy? Isn't that insane?
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Just think about how insane. Yeah, just think about how
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insane that is right there of how they put it on to you to
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feel this way, to go through this type of stuff with them,
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Right? Yes.
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This is like, like Joey said, this is life.
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This is absolutely life, you know?
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But this is what you have to deal with.
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It's not your guilt. Release it.
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Take that guilty pigeon and release it into the wild.
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It's them projecting their feelings onto you.
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It's false guilt. It's like a it's like a trap
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door. It's like an easy exit.
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It's them putting their bad feelings, their bad juju on to
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you. It's not your fault.
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It's not anything that you've done wrong.
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Yeah. How they explain this to me
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right here? How the hell is holding them
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accountable? You doing something wrong to
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them? You see what I'm saying?
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How how is that? How is you holding them
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accountable? You doing something wrong?
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Unless they're just so emotionally immature or
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delusional to think that it's your fault.
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Like you and you. Like what?
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I I did What? Yeah.
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Who said that Lady or less. You're absolutely right that
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false guilt is hurtful because it feels real, doesn't it?
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I know. Like Lee, you say it.
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You. Lee, you said it's false.
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But if you're real. Yeah.
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It's supposed to feel real. That's why it hurts, right?
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That's why it hurts. That's why it sucks, because it
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feels real. It's supposed to feel real.
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It's supposed to make you question everything that's going
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on and what not, right? And sometimes it's not just
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about cheating and stuff like that.
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Sometimes, just like Saeed Ahmad said, my narc father uses
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religion to guilt me. Absolutely.
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And it doesn't have to be 1 specific religion.
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They can all they can use all different types of religions
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against you, all of them, all of it, right?
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All different types of religions can be used to make you feel
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bad. You know what you going to lead?
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You going to abandon your father.
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You know what the Bible says? You know what the Quran says
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about disrespectful little bastards like you.
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I know the word bastard ain't in the Quran.
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I know it's not in the Bible, but I put it there because you
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little bastard, it need to be there and they need to rewrite
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the Bible. It is to include little bastards
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like you, you little bastard, you know what I'm saying?
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This is what they do. They will use religion to make
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you feel guilty. Again, that's not your guilt,
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that's manipulative. That's projected guilt.
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Again, that's religious manipulation.
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That's religious abuse. That's spiritual abuse right
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there. This is the type of things that
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they will do to make you feel bad.
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You know, they really, they really want to make you feel bad
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and that's what, and they will keep doing this type of stuff
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over and over and over again because it works.
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If, if one guilt trip works, if it continuously works, why would
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they stop doing something that works?
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You know what I mean? Why would they stop doing
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something that works for them? Why would they stop doing that?
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You got to ask yourself that question.
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Well, Lee, why? Why don't they stop doing it?
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Because they feel like it works, right?
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They they feel like it works. And this is absolutely true.
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Like Angela said, narcissists use guilt to make sure that you
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will stay with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Truer words have never been spoken.
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Or have they? But seriously, they absolutely
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will make you feel guilty in order to keep you there with
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them. Because it works, doesn't it?
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It absolutely works. It keep.
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This type of stuff consistently happens when you deal with
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narcissistic people. They want you to feel bad.
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And the more the better. The worse you feel about
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leaving, The more you will. The worse you feel about
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leaving, the more you tend to stay.
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Wow. You really going to leave me
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after you know my my husband cheated on me.
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You know I cheat. My husband left me for cheating
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on him. He didn't give me a second
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chance. You going to leave me to you
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just like him? Guilt works.
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What's going on? Rhyme.
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Guilt works. What's going on, Michael?
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Guilt works, it does. Every Muslim uses Quran, every
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Muslim woman says no marriage is perfect.
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Guys like themselves. There you go.
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Guilt absolutely does work. God bless you as well.
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God bless you. Guilt works, it does.
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They'll make you like sometimes y'all.
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They'll make you feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with
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them. Like y'all.
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They can have the dirtiest private area ever.
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They can have bumps, bruises, hickeys everywhere, right?
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They got bumps, bruises, hickeys, a a tattoo of the other
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person's name down there, Dirty, stinking, and make you feel bad
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about not wanting to sleep with them, right?
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How do you survive that? Don't do it.
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Yeah, just 'cause they're trying to make you feel bad doesn't
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mean you have to feel bad. I know it's easier said than
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done. Take a breath.
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If they all bumped up and stinking, you don't want to put
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that anywhere around your own private area or in your mouth.
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Don't be crazy as hell. Don't be crazy.
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Put a bumpy put a bumpy Willie anywhere near your yourself or
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bumpy, bumpy bumpy private area. Sting in private.
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I don't put that anywhere near your face.
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You doing? Don't let them flip back while
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you want to. You want to sleep with me?
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You must be sleeping somebody else then.
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Yeah, I got bumps. Yeah, I got hickeys.
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Yeah, I got scars and warts. I got a wart.
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Wow, you're so perfect, right? You're so perfect.
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You got a perfect mind. I can't help.
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I got warts. Ain't that crazy?
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Ain't that crazy? Darcy used the Bible as an
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excuse for eternal forget. They absolutely will try bumps,
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bruises and infections. Oh, it's just nasty.
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And try to make you feel bad about bad about not wanting to
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do it. Come on, now.
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Come on, Come on, man. Even if they good looking and
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smell good, still don't know? Yeah, even.
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Yeah. Especially if they try to make
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you feel bad about it. If they're trying to make you
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feel bad, you don't have to do it.
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Because guess what? If you do something because they
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made you feel bad, you're going to feel bad after you do it.
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Understand that as well. That's how you survive it.
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Understand that you're going to feel bad even after you do it.
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You're not going to feel better. You're not going to feel better
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after they. You didn't put put a bumpy Willy
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in your mouth here. You're not going to feel bad
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about that. I probably yeah, you're not
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going to feel better. I'm just keep it hot and ready
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with you. You're not going to feel better.
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You're going to feel worse. You're going to want to go get a
11:21
Plan B or tetanus shot or syphilis shot or whatever you
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want. You you going to want to get
11:27
some meds or some prep. What you got that prep you're
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going to get some prep for it right?
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You're going to want to do so. You're going to feel bad about
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doing it later on. You're going to feel bad about
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staying. You don't feel bad about
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sleeping with them. You're going to feel bad about
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letting them drive your car. You're going to feel bad about
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giving them money. Just understand you're going to
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feel bad even if you do it. They're trying to make you feel
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bad for not doing it, but understand they're going to make
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you feel bad even if you do it. It's in.
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Is that y'all y'all hear Thano, what Thano said I am inevitable.
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You're going to feel bad. It is inevitable.
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Snap. They're going.
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You're going to feel bad about it.
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Regardless of how it goes, you're going to feel bad.
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That's the type of stuff that's going to happen.
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Yes, Alex Brie said yes. Felt bad before it even worse
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after, because you gave into it. You gave in and did something.
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You were coerced into doing something that you didn't want
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to do. You didn't want to give up the
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cheeks. They coerced you.
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You gave up the cheeks and now you feel bad about giving up the
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cheeks. You see what I'm saying?
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They made you feel bad about, not about not wanting to eat the
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booty like groceries. And then you ate the booty like
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groceries. And now you feel bad for doing
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it. You know you shouldn't have did
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it. You know you shouldn't.
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You knew you know you shouldn't have did it.
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But now you feel bad. You know you.
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You know you shouldn't have done it, but now you feel bad for
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doing it. Stop.
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I'm sorry. Yeah, stop.
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Yeah. I've been joking too much.
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I've been joking, Adam. I'm good.
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I'm good. Yeah, I've been joking too much.
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I am surprised by the consistency of their lives.
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The guilt trip never ends. You finally give in after the
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hundred time delusion. Yep.
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And then if you give in after the hundred time, they're going
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to do it 101 time, right? 101st times, 100 and 101
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Dalmatians, right? It's always the Peach.
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Yeah, it's always the cheeks. Yeah, yeah.
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I'll be cranking myself up sometime.
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I I don't even know what I'm going to say sometimes.
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Y'all it just, yeah, it just be coming out.
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I just let it flow. Whatever come, whatever comes to
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my mind, I just let it flow and it comes out and I just feel
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it's just, I feel OK after I say it, right?
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They have no morals. So the crazy thing about it is I
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think a lot of narcissists have morals for other people.
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I'll say it like that. They have morals for other
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people. They have morals overall, in
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general, but they don't just, you know, I, I'm a morally sound
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person. I don't believe in cheating.
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They'll cheat on you, but they'll hold you to account if
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they think that you're cheating on them.
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They have morals. They just don't.
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The morals don't apply to them. You see what I'm saying?
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The morals don't apply to me. You see that's what's going on.
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My narc hits his lip. It looks like he smelled his
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like this. I bet it does.
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Nick, what does it mean when a narc doesn't mention your name
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as a victim after a smear? We kind of, I'm kind of confused
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by the question when they don't mention your name as a victim.
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I'm, I'm kind of confused by the question.
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Heidi said. I'm not living in guilt anymore,
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but I did for four years. Now I feel a lot better 'cause I
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used to think I used I 'cause I 'cause I think the set boundary
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for myself think what's best for myself.
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There you go. Good job for you right there.
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Good job. Good job.
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Absolutely true that they have double standards.
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Yeah. The is the truth you are saying
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out loud and they some can't handle it.
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Yeah, I'll be. Yeah, sometimes.
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Sometimes I spit a little bit, right.
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I do spit a little bit sometimes, right?
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Oh my God. I had a guy who was cheating say
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that exact same thing. He believes cheating is wrong,
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but cheats the most. Yeah, because they had they they
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had that they're morally bankrupt.
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They will absolutely try to hold you to account for cheating or
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think they think you cheating on them, but they will absolutely
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won't do it. Right there.
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You see what I'm saying? That's the way it goes right
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there. That's literally how it goes.
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Would a rich narc marry a strong woman but let her control his
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phone and everything he can and can't do?
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Even after two years, he still love bombs.
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How can this even be? If he lets her control him, who
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let? So he married somebody else?
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Rich narc marry a strong woman. I mean, sometimes they will.
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So they smeared you? The smear collapse.
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All of a sudden, the narcissist avoids the name of the.
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Yeah, Yeah, I couldn't see that. They.
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The. The shame will make them avoid
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it. Yeah, I would say the shame
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would make them avoid. I can see that happening.
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Yeah, but anyways, y'all let me hop off this thing.
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I got to hop off this thing really, really quick.
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The podcast is on and popping. My courses and support groups
16:11
are available at mentalillness.net.
16:13
My support group is available at mentalillness.net.
16:16
We go live every single Sunday afternoon, every single Sunday
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evening in the support group on Zoom.
16:22
It's a private Zoom. Joy's a member.
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Joy can tell you we have great lives every single Sunday in a
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support group. The mental healers is own and
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poppin. You can find it at
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mentalillness.net. Mental illness.net for all
16:35
things Lee hammock into the code mothers or fathers for 50% off
16:40
everything on there. Y'all show me your Willy.
16:45
Somebody said look, show me your Willy.
16:47
It was a kind of crazy request Later see even Joey said it's a
16:51
very good support group. So yay.
16:54
Anyway y'all let me help out this thing I'm out.
16:58
Peace. How big is itching?