Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / The Mentor You Quit a Job For
Transcript
- Lucas: So there's this career decision that almost nobody talks about explicitly, but I think a lot of us have made it at some point. You stay at a job — or you leave a job — specifically because of one person. Your mentor. Luna: I've definitely done that. There was a job I stayed in probably nine months longer than I should have because my boss was the best teacher I'd ever had. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the subject of today's episode — the mentor attachment. Not the golden-handcuffs attachment to a paycheck or a title, but the decision to anchor your career to a person who's accelerating your growth. Luna: Is that always a good idea? Because I think there's a fine line between loyalty and complacency. Lucas: Huge fine line. And we're going to draw it today with a specific case. I've been following the story of Sarah Chen — she's a product manager in her early thirties, was at a Series B startup in San Francisco. She got recruited by a faang adjacent company for a role that paid about 30 percent more. And she turned it down. Not because of the startup's equity or the mission. She turned it down because her current VP of Product was the best mentor she'd ever worked with. Luna: Wow. 30 percent is real money. What made the mentor worth that? Lucas: Sarah told me — I interviewed her for a piece I was researching — that this VP had a specific habit. Every month, he'd sit her down and say, 'Here's the decision I made this week that you didn't see coming. Let me walk you through my thinking.' He didn't just give feedback on her work. He opened the black box of his own judgment. She said that in six months, she learned more about product strategy than she had in three years at her previous job. Luna: That's the difference between a mentor and a manager. A manager tells you what to do. A mentor shows you how they think. Lucas: Right. And Sarah was very clear-eyed about it. She said, 'I know I'm leaving money on the table. But I'm investing in compound growth. One year with this mentor is going to be worth more than the raise over my entire career.' Luna: Compound growth — I love that framing. But let me push back a little. A 2025 LinkedIn workforce survey came out a few months ago — I saw it in their quarterly workforce report. It found that 62 percent of job-switchers under 35 regretted leaving their previous job, and the number one reason wasn't culture or compensation. It was losing their informal advisor network. Specifically, the person they could go to for unfiltered career advice. Lucas: That's a striking number. And it cuts both ways. It means people are undervaluing mentors when they leave. But it also means people might be staying too long because of a fear of losing that person. Luna: So how do you tell the difference? When is staying for a mentor a smart investment, and when is it just comfortable? Lucas: I think there are three questions you can ask yourself. First, is this mentor actively sponsoring you — are they opening doors, making introductions, putting your name forward for opportunities? Or are they just good at giving advice? If it's just advice, you can get that from a once a month coffee. Sponsorship is harder to replace. Luna: Okay, second question? Lucas: Second: is your growth accelerating or plateauing? A good mentor should be constantly pushing you into discomfort — new projects, new stakeholders, new skills. If you're in a groove and they're not challenging you, you might be in a comfort bubble, not a mentorship. Luna: And the third? Lucas: Third: can you imagine maintaining this relationship if you left? Some mentors are situational — they thrive on daily proximity. Others are genuinely invested in your long-term career. If you think this person would still take your call from another company, the attachment is less risky. Luna: That third one is key. I've seen people stay years past the expiration date because they couldn't imagine their career without this person in their ear every day. Lucas: And that's where the mentor attachment becomes a trap. Sarah Chen — she actually did leave eventually. After 18 months with that VP, she felt she had absorbed his framework. She said, 'I started to hear his voice in my head when I made decisions.' At that point, she knew she could carry his lessons with her. She took a director role at a different startup — not the FAANG one — and she still calls him once a quarter. Luna: So she graduated. That's the ideal outcome. Lucas: Absolutely. And I think that's the framework I want to leave listeners with today — I call it the 'mentor dividend.' The idea is that the value of working alongside a great mentor compounds over time, but only if you eventually harvest it by applying what you've learned in a new context. If you stay forever, you're just collecting interest without ever cashing in the principal. Luna: I like that. So the mentor dividend is the return on the time you invest in learning from someone, but you only realize that return when you go somewhere else and use it. Lucas: Exactly. And that brings me to a related point — and if this is resonating with you, honestly, if today's episode was worth a coffee to you, that's the link — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's the smallest way to say this kind of independent career content matters. We keep the show ad-free because of listeners who chip in. Luna: Yeah, it genuinely makes a difference. A few bucks helps us keep digging into stories like Sarah's. Lucas: So back to the mentor dividend. The key is knowing when to leave. Sarah timed it well. But I've also seen the opposite — someone who stayed with a mentor through two promotions, then the mentor left the company, and the person was completely lost. They had built their entire career identity around that one relationship. Luna: That's a dangerous dependency. It's like having your entire investment portfolio in one stock. Lucas: Exactly. So the smart move is to diversify your mentorship. Have multiple mentors — some inside your company, some outside. That way, if one leaves or the relationship sours, you're not starting from zero. Luna: And that's the personal board of advisors concept we touched on in episode eight. But I think this episode adds a new layer — it's not just about having multiple mentors, it's about knowing which one is worth adjusting your career trajectory for. Lucas: Right. And I think the honest answer is: very few mentors are worth a 30 percent pay cut or a two-year stay at a job you'd otherwise leave. But the ones that are — they can change your entire career arc. Sarah Chen's mentor did. She's now a director at 34, and she credits that 18-month stretch as the inflection point. Luna: What's the one piece of advice you'd give someone who's trying to evaluate whether their current mentor is worth staying for? Lucas: I'd say: ask yourself what you'd lose if you left tomorrow. If the answer is 'access to their judgment on big decisions,' that's a real loss. But if the answer is 'a friendly face who validates my work,' that's not a reason to stay. You can find validation anywhere. Good judgment is rare. Luna: And if you leave, how do you keep that relationship alive? Lucas: Be explicit. Say, 'I'm leaving, but your mentorship has been the most important part of my growth here. Can we set up a quarterly call?' Most mentors will say yes. And then actually show up prepared. Don't make them chase you. That's how you turn a workplace mentor into a lifelong advisor. Luna: I think that's a great note to end on. The goal isn't to stay with one mentor forever. It's to absorb what they have to offer and then carry it forward. Lucas: Exactly. The mentor dividend only pays out when you invest it elsewhere.