Latest / The Leader Mentality / Thriving Through Setbacks: Self‑Awareness, Preparation, And Purpose

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Thriving Through Setbacks: Self‑Awareness, Preparation, And Purpose · The Leader Mentality

0:20
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Leader Mentality Show with Rob Clemens and we have this guy.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: Hey, Nick Di Stefano, that's me.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: I love that intro, man.
0:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, hey, Nick, uh, last week we had a great show.
0:33
SPEAKER_01: Uh we were talking a little bit about staying curious.
0:36
SPEAKER_01: Did we have a great show?
0:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, I thought it was a great show.
0:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, just being curious.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: Hey, listen, me and my mom thought it was a great show.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, you know what I mean?
0:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, remember how back in school it'd be like my mom says I'm handsome.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: And that's all that matters.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: That's all that matters, baby.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh not the little girl who rejected me for eighth grade uh dance.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: She's she's listening.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm over it now, though.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm over it, you know.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: No, but um, well, honestly, it was uh it was a great show because we're talking about keeping curiosity alive.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: But then we we broke into a little preview this week, which is resilience thriving through challenges.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: So so now I'm gonna speak to the people a little bit.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: If you're listening to the show today, uh my call to action to you is is who are you?
1:20
SPEAKER_01: What are you doing?
1:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, you probably are going through those periods where you're like, hey, occasionally I need to up my game.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: Occasionally, I've I've maybe had a bad run.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I haven't sold a job in a couple of weeks.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, maybe my team's lost a few uh games in a row.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I I lost that big contract that I thought I was about to get.
1:39
SPEAKER_01: And we would call these challenges.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: But here's the great news, Nick, everybody has them.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: You know, it we don't look at people's social media where they're posting all their triumphs.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: Look at the real world and you're gonna go through these peaks and valleys.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: And so this show today is for you.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: If you're listening and you're thinking, you know, how can I get over these challenges I'm I'm in right now?
1:58
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk about how you can thrive through those, maybe give you some tips for that.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and if you're going through one of those beautiful little parts in business or life where you're just everything's working for you, uh, hey, here's a little news flash.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: You probably will eventually run into a challenge here or there.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: It's like the roller coaster going up, right?
2:15
SPEAKER_00: It's the only matter of time before it comes down.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but but you know what?
2:20
SPEAKER_01: That's the beauty of life.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: I think it would get boring if we didn't have some challenges, don't you?
2:24
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, um, if you've ever had a fresh glass of orange juice in the morning and just enjoyed right, you know that that juice was worth the squeeze.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: But the reality is like and that orange went through some crap, like it got put through the ring.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: That's all of us in life.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: Like we, you know, it's just a matter of time of whatever that good thing is that we have, you had to go through something to get there.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: You if even if you didn't have to go through something to get there, you're probably going to.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: It's just like you said, it's a matter of time of when that challenge is gonna come up because listen, some days you, you know, the kids say it, but the struggle is real.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: It's it is, and some days, you know, you're driving the bus, and some days the bus is driving you.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, we could continue to use lots of different, you know, silly sayings, but the reality is everyone goes through struggle, and it's about how do we choose to be resilient, how do we use these skills that we talk about all the time, right?
3:19
SPEAKER_00: From curiosity to you know, being emotionally intelligent, uh leading yourself, all the things that you know, if you go back and listen to any of our episodes, they're gonna help you with whatever the challenges you're thinking about and going through right now.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: And and and I think that it's kind of interesting that you mentioned uh uh things like uh that there's these sayings, there's these expressions people use.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: And the thing is, is a lot of times we'll we'll say it's an overused expression, but if you go back to the core of what was being said in any expression, usually they're pretty good.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's real.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: Um and you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, right?
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, is it?
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely it is.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: I mean, hey, I might win something tomorrow, possibly.
3:55
SPEAKER_01: Or I've got what I've got today, and and maybe it's not quite as attractive, maybe, but it's good to have it.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: You know, but that's and that's also I think a little bit of resilience is that that ability to see like what you have.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: You know, that for me, if if I were to sit uh tell anyone to think about resilience and how you could improve it, the number one skill I think more individuals need to have is to practice self-awareness.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: Like if I want to be more resilient, I need to be self-aware.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: I need to know what I'm good at, I need to recognize where I've come from, where I'm going, what I struggle with, where I might need to make those improvements so that if I'm self-aware and I know, okay, this is something I'm just I'm not naturally good at.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I might not be as hard on myself and say, all right, it's okay to ask for help here.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: And that's part of resilience as well.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: But none of the overcoming the challenge happens if I don't even recognize that it is a challenge, that I'm struggling, right?
4:45
SPEAKER_00: That I'm not if I'm not humble enough to ask for help.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's all starting with self-awareness.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: And there's a million ways we can be more self-aware, but I think that's massive in resilience.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: So you tie in self-awareness back to resilience.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: I I dig that, and and and so I took it from a different standpoint.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: A lot of times, guys, when we're when we're planning these shows up, we don't sit here and talk about it for hours and hours how we're gonna point, counterpoint, but we have our natural takes on it.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: And what I think of is this, and and I'm gonna be real with you, you know, that people out there living with depression, yeah, people out there that have had a uh there's like permanent depression.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm no psychologist, so I'm not that's not my point, but there's people are going through like clinical depression, maybe you got some kind of a chemical disorder, and you have people going out here through a a stage of grief type of depression.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: Um but but something could have happened to you.
5:30
SPEAKER_01: Maybe, maybe you lost a job, maybe um, you know, like I said, your your company just took a big hit, whatever it happens to be, and so now you're going, what do we do now?
5:39
SPEAKER_01: Uh here's where the resilience comes in.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: And I believe that we're talking about major things right now, Nick, but but sometimes resilience comes in the form of you just feel like you're in a rut, man, and and you're going, where am I going next?
5:51
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: My thoughts are, and and believe me, sometimes I feel like when I'm talking, I'm talking to the crowd.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: Don't be like me because I'm I'm a very sensitive guy.
5:59
SPEAKER_01: Do as I say, not exactly.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, exactly.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: So it's easy for me to sit here and go, here's the answer, but it's tough when you're in the middle of it.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: Right, but but here's the thing.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: So I think that you always have to step back and you have to look at how far you've made it.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, the analogy for you, you got your race that we are we're we're gonna talk about when it's over.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: But the thing is about a race is if you got uh 20 miles into a 40 mile run, and we're using an extremity here, but you could look and go, man, I've got 20 more miles.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: I I I just can't do this.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm such a you know, I'm such a struggle, you know, I'm struggling, I'm not, I'm a failure, whatever.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: And I say to you, you know, sometimes you gotta look back and go, you have made it 20 miles.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't feel like it because you did it so organically.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: And if you made it those 20 miles, sometimes that's all you need to do to get your mindset back up.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: Well, I can do five more.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: And after that, five, I can do five more.
6:46
SPEAKER_01: And I believe sometimes you have to part of resilience is looking how far you've actually come.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: And I I agree a hundred percent.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: To me, that's being aware of, and it might be more than self, it's just it's awareness of the reality, it's awareness of, you know, what like you said, where you've come from.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, there's you know, people will say, Don't compare your chapter one to somebody else's finished book.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: If I compare my my chapter one to your finished book or my business to your business and go, oh god, I'm never gonna do this because I'm not here.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: What I'm really focusing on, and this is what this is a wonderful way of looking at it.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: There's an amazing book called The Gap in the Gain, right?
7:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm focused on the gap between where I am and where I want to be.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm focused on the gap between, you know, where I was and the fact that I'm no longer there anymore.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: Like maybe I've I've fallen off, right?
7:38
SPEAKER_00: My business isn't doing as well, and I'm thinking, God, I used to be here, I want to be there again, but I still am missing the fact that I'm and I'm not focused on the gain of like where have I come from?
7:49
SPEAKER_00: What have I learned?
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Where am I?
7:51
SPEAKER_00: Um the book's called The Gap in the Gain, and it's I think I think it's by Dr.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Benjamin Hardy.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: It's a yellow-covered book.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: I can see it on my shelf.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Um if I had it, I would hold it up and be like, this is it, right?
8:00
SPEAKER_00: And viewers, you can see next shelf by going to WWE.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh I don't think you have a shelf on there, but I do have book recognition.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, hey, that's all right.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: But no, it's it's I mean, it's so the question I would ask you is what do you do when you get in that moment where you feel like you're focused on the the gap and where you want to be instead of thinking about the gain of where you've come from and what you have learned.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: How do you how do you get out of that?
8:24
SPEAKER_01: Like how what would um well I I know this.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: It's like I I think we're we're ultimately, I love that you you said something a minute ago that I think you can ball into what we're talking about, and and you you you brought awareness into it, and then I brought into it the idea of of seeing how far you come, but there's there's the element that you just introduced that also is part of this, and it is don't be measuring yourself against other people who may be at different phases.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and the best example I can think of with that is I was listening to a uh Jordan Peterson, he was talking about his 12 rules for life, and he said he had a roommate at one point, or not not a he had uh a colleague who said you know he wasn't doing as well as his roommate, and then the way Peterson tells the story, he said his roommate was Elon Musk.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: So he's saying, like, yeah, I'm not doing as well as Elon Musk.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: If all we do is we compare ourselves to other people who may have started earlier, may have had a uh a little uh head start right off the jump, we're not doing ourselves any favor because sometimes we're we're setting ourselves for standards that that you know, maybe you will get there, maybe you won't, but that's not really a fair way to measure yourself.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: You need to measure yourself in where were you yesterday, where are you today, right?
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: And it's and ultimately it's it's that measuring against yourself.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: And I honestly I think it goes both ways, right?
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Comparison is the thief of joy.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: You know, many people say that and think think that way, and I couldn't agree more.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: I also think comparison happens when I often call it the crap Olympics, okay?
9:49
SPEAKER_00: Where it's like my crap is worse than yours, or like we're like, oh well, I don't have it that bad, so it's okay.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, like, why am I comparing what sucks for me or my experience to yours?
9:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh well, it's not that bad.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: That almost minimizes what I'm going through and makes it less um impactful to me.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh well, I didn't really learn that much from it because I didn't lose both my parents at the same time.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, like all right, cool.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, you can still deal with grief.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Your grief is your grief and mine is mine, and it doesn't have to be compared to each other.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing in business where, like, oh well, this this employee doesn't have it as bad as them, so like I'm gonna give them more empathy.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: They both need empathy, they both need understanding, they both need the experience of growth and development and someone to care for them.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, why am I looking at my pile of crap and your pile of crap?
10:35
SPEAKER_00: They're both crap.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, like instead of comparing them, like, let's figure out how do I use what I've been dealt for good, right?
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Like crap is fertilizer, right?
10:44
SPEAKER_00: Or it's something that I just flushed on the toilet and waste, right?
10:47
SPEAKER_00: Like whatever it is.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: So, how am I gonna use this?
10:50
SPEAKER_00: How am I gonna again it goes back to that curiosity piece from you know last show?
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, what what am I learning from this?
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, and and then finding purpose in the things that are happening.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, you you talk about the fact that sometimes in when we're having uh what we would call a challenge, when we're calling what we call a setback, but it's like, do I learn something that makes me stronger from that?
11:11
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
11:11
SPEAKER_01: So maybe in some cases you can actually, based on what you're saying, you can you can appreciate uh a challenge which leads you to ability to galvanize yourself to become stronger.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, because then you look at the challenges and you say, Look, how do I we're talking about resilience, thriving through challenges.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: And so some of it is look, I am running through a challenge and I'm gonna come up with a solution that's gonna make me stronger than I was before this challenge.
11:35
SPEAKER_01: And there's and there's nothing wrong with that.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: You talk about the scar on your hand, you know.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: They always say that that scar tissue grows back stronger than the original skin.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: So there is something to be said for that.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's almost like I think if we're thriving and not just like overcoming, right?
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Like I like to think about how do we conquer adversity, not just like get through it.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: It's one thing to survive adversity, but we're talking about thriving, which is, you know, oftentimes people say resilience is bouncing back.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: I would challenge people to think about not just bouncing back, but how do I bounce forward?
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay, right?
12:06
SPEAKER_00: What am I doing with this?
12:07
SPEAKER_00: How do I use it?
12:09
SPEAKER_00: Right?
12:10
SPEAKER_00: Another wonderful book, and it's based in stoic um philosophy, is the obstacle is the way.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Like the obstacle in front of me is the way forward.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm stop trying to go around the thing, stop trying to, you know, pretend it doesn't exist.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: It's and that's what I think a lot of folks don't do.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: Like we struggle with acceptance of like what this is, and rather than accept it, what everyone does is like, oh my god, you're not gonna believe what I'm going through.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: There's this crap.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: I just lost this contract, this thing happened.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: And we just sit there and we compare and we talk about it and we complain about it, and that's okay.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: Like it's natural to do that.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think you yeah, sometimes you gotta admit it.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but if you continue to do that and you don't accept it and say, how do I make this obstacle the way forward and use this for good?
12:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's if we can't do that, we can't move forward.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna get back to maybe where we were.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: I believe in that.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: You know, look, uh, leader mentality show.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: What what are we doing here?
13:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, apart, well, I don't know.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, of having a crisis.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't either.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: What are we even doing?
13:10
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, what but that was rhetorical.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but thank you for answering.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, no.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: What I'm saying with the leader.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: Leader mentality show isn't meant to be.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: I've I've sometimes said I'm the anti-motivational speaker.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by that is why does motivational uh speaking sometimes feel so fleeting?
13:27
SPEAKER_01: And it's because, you know, man, I'm pumped up, I'm pumped up, I'm pumped up.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: I hit the first challenge, and all of a sudden it's like right back to you know what, this is this stinks.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: I believe that we have to embrace the challenges.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: I believe we have to accept that we're gonna have setbacks.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and so therefore, you know, what is the coping mechanism?
13:44
SPEAKER_01: So when you tell me something like, you know, don't don't just wallow in it, and and I think you hit something, I believe when you get to a challenge, a setback, it's okay to fully internalize what it feels like.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Don't don't bury that junk way down.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: 100%.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: Internalize it.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: If you need to talk it out, find somebody you trust, somebody that you trust, somebody's not gonna hold this against you later and say, look, here's how I'm feeling about this, and and get some feedback, and you'll you'll get a chance to internalize it yourself just by talking it out with somebody, but don't dwell on it.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: The dwelling is gonna be that thing that'll hold you back, and five weeks from now, you're like, you know, if I had just gotten that shot, I believe that there's that the bounce forward thing that you're talking about.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: No, it's you know, you you said we have to embrace the challenge.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: It's funny.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about my race.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: One of the stickers that I've put up, City of Myrtle Beach is gonna yell at me if they know that I did this.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: So don't listen to this, City of Myrtle Beach.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: I have a sticker, one of my one of my keynotes I talk about is called Embrace the Suck.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: And I have a sticker, it's a bright, big white circle.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: It says Embrace the Suck because it's about embracing the fact that this is it's expected, it's okay to to struggle, to go through, right, the suck, so to speak, of like whatever this challenge is.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've slapped it up on one of the um the electrical boxes around the loop so that every time I run around that loop, I'm gonna see that thing and be like, it's okay to struggle.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I am not supposed to go through this and think, well, that was easy, cool.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: I ran for 24 hours, like, no big deal.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, I know it's going to struggle.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: But you know, when you talk about don't dwell on it and like don't hold it down in.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: So when I say embrace this suck, I often think about like giving someone a hug.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: If I gave you a hug, it would make you feel better.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: If I embraced the thing that I'm going through, I would feel better by accepting it and not pretending it's not a challenge for me.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: But if I gave you a hug and I never let go, you'd be like, what the heck is wrong with it?
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: It would be uncomfortable.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, things can't grow in closed hands.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: You have to open them up and let them go, but you can't just like let it just completely fall and pretend it doesn't exist.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: That's a good point.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think that I you I was actually gonna say that exact same thing.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Metaphorically, if somebody holds you, you know, hey, I'm I'm comforting you, and now we're never gonna let go, you never will get past it.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: So, so have that moment.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: Here, here's the best analogy for you sports fans out there.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: And uh sports fans will recognize this.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: They talk about the best cornerbacks.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: Uh, cornerback, for those who are not sports fans, uh, shout out to my wife.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: Uh look, a cornerback, yeah, right.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, go team.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: Uh uh no, uh a cornerback uh who is the person who defends the receiver in in NFL, they are the person who has to keep the other receiver from catching the ball.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: And they say the best cornerbacks have short memories in a sense of you know, you get burned on a play, you got to get back the next play and say, look, I'm gonna shut them down this play.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: And there's an interesting thing because I because there's a little nuance missed from there.
16:33
SPEAKER_01: You do have to remember it, what happened that led to that, but but don't dwell upon it.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: And because the guys who dwell upon it, now they're getting burned all game long.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: They can't even think past it, right?
16:43
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, but I I think that the best athletes and even the best leaders, they train for that.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, they're they are prepared for and you think about weightlifting, right?
16:52
SPEAKER_00: The people that are the strongest, they train to failure.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: Literally, like your muscles get stronger when you push them to the point where they fail.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: If you don't push to failure, then the next time the challenge comes up, if you try to lift a heavy weight, you're not gonna be able to do it.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: But it's it's the same thing for those cornerbacks, it's the same thing for us as leaders.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, we don't we don't think about preparing for resilience until the fit hits the shan.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Okay, like until the moment happens and we're like, oh crap.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Now it's damage control measure.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: What if we actually prepared our people and prepared ourselves for it in advance?
17:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, I I love the quote by Mike Tyson.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: He says, Everyone's got a plan until they can punch themselves.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: And I've said this many times, you know, I've said it on other podcasts.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: It's one of my favorite things to think about.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, why don't you just punch yourself in the face?
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: And that sounds weird, but the reality is like, what are you choosing to go through that's difficult?
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Like, what are you doing today that's uncomfortable?
17:45
SPEAKER_00: That it's not someone handing you the challenge, but maybe it's picking up the phone and doing an extra cold cold call.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's going one more lap around the the loop.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Maybe for my kids, it's you know, when they're 12 years old and they're like, I'm really uncomfortable talking on the phone.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, you're gonna pick up the phone and you're gonna call and make the reservation for dinner tonight.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: Like that's gonna push them, it's gonna challenge them.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: It's putting them in an adverse situation before the situation happens to them.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: And I think we all can think about that more often.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: I would challenge anyone listening.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's the last hard thing you chose to do?
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Not that happened to you.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: Right.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I'll I'll I'll just pick a pro tip out of what's going on, and and this is a pro tip for whomever is listening today.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh you you said it a minute ago, and I'm gonna I'm gonna emphasize it so it doesn't get lost.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh, my dad used to do this when he was preaching.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: He'd say, Well, let me stop right here.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you something that I really want to make sure you grasp.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: If you're out there listening, uh plan, have plans for your resilience.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: So, for example, uh the best corporations have heard of this, they have doomsday strategies.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: What do we do if this thing happens?
18:55
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it manifests itself in beautiful backup plans.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: So, for example, you're die you have a phone center and the phone lines go down.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: What do we do?
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Do we just, you know, if the phone lines go down, oops, I guess we're we're out luck for the day, or do you have a backup plan and what does that plan look like?
19:09
SPEAKER_01: And I believe that we should all have these threats to our business and we should be knowing what they are, and when we get to them, how are we gonna handle it?
19:17
SPEAKER_01: Have a resilience plan.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: And and don't just, you know, take it as like, oh, well, it's gonna come, so let's prepare for it or later, let's prepare for it right now.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: But and prepare for it and then also practice it.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right?
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, I think there's a big difference between between being prepared and being ready.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: Because even when you're prepared, I'm still not ready for the moment that the phone center goes down and nobody can get in in contact with it.
19:39
SPEAKER_00: Sure, no one's ready for it.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: It's not not fun, but if you're prepared and you've practiced it, right?
19:45
SPEAKER_00: So we say, all right, this is how what we do in a downtime situation.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: This is what I do when I have to have this difficult conversation.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I practice having it before I actually have to have the conversation with someone.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, right?
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Cold and calls, it's non stop.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: Every one of them is practice, it's putting ourselves through it, not just preparing for it, but also then actually practicing it.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Because it's one thing to say, I don't know, I'm I'm I'm ready to do this, and then you aren't actually ready until it happens, and then then you learn from it afterwards, which is again still part of resilience, like you know, but it doesn't it also doesn't have to be these major things.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: That's you know, if you talk about motivational speakers, you know, you could probably think of you know tons of them that are all about like I overcame this major, you know, setback in my life, but again, I don't have to do that to be resilient.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't have to have you know gone through like you know paralysis, I don't have to have anything like massive to say I'm resilient, it could be an everyday thing, like and I would challenge people do something today, tomorrow, the next day, like consistently changed.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, I I think that with with all these things you've said they're important, and you were talking about these pro tips.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: Uh, I have a general pro tip, and we've talked about it before, but I think it's specific when you're talking about resilience.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: I think it's another place that's good, and that is go back to if you have one, if you don't have one, you need to have one, but go back to your mission statement, your vision statement.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: Go back to uh maybe some of your goals that you set for your company and focus back on those because I believe that it's easy to get too far off center of those.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we're we're getting through these these times where all of a sudden things are hard and we're like, okay, now we're at a damage control motor.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Now we're in plan B of that mode that we go into.
21:29
SPEAKER_01: But what about saying, you know, what is our mission here?
21:32
SPEAKER_01: And the mission is this.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: And when you hear that mission, you go, yeah, that that's it.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: We we still gotta keep powering along.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, I think you're talking about coming home, being centered, remembering why you got started.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a lot easier and resilient, and it's easier to be resilient if you have reminders around you, right?
21:55
SPEAKER_00: The thing on the wall that shows me you know where we're going, right?
21:59
SPEAKER_00: The pictures of the Homes, right?
22:01
SPEAKER_00: You know, for myself, it's like I think about resilience oftentimes as be a little kinder to yourself, right?
22:08
SPEAKER_00: We think about resilience as like toughness and like overcoming and grit and mental fortitude, and it's like you could also just have a rough day, and if you just chose to be a little kinder to yourself and realize, like, okay, I've come pretty far.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: Am I where I want to be?
22:24
SPEAKER_00: No, but maybe if I chose to be a little kinder to myself, so like for myself, I have my tattoo on my my arm on my arm that says be kind.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: Like that's my my uh 10-year-old's handwriting, right?
22:34
SPEAKER_00: My kid who's you know on the autism spectrum, and I think about every day like how resilient he is, and he reminds me, it's you know, that's why I've started, you know, I've got my cup, it's got his handwriting that says be kind of different.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, little ways that you have things around you that make it easy to come back to those moments where I feel off base.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, the last thing I would just say, just about that, and as a tip to you and anyone listening, is that you know, find the ways to do that.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: There's an amazing um TED Talk.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: It's called Um Your Attitude First Aid Kit.
23:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I have one at my desk.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: It's uh like a little lunchbox, and it's got things that remind me of my why.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: It's got, you know, pictures of my wife and I, it's got, you know, um times that things that I've overcome.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: It's got a copy of my dad's eulogy in it.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: It's got things that like I know I've been through stuff in the past and I've overcome adversity and I can do this again.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: So when I have that moment of feeling defeated, like easily just like pull it out and open it up and look through there or a couple things and be like, you know what?
23:36
SPEAKER_00: I got this.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I think anyone could create something like that of a way that you just whether it's you know a bracelet or a book or something that just reminds you like, why are you doing this?
23:46
SPEAKER_00: And like it's okay to go through the hard times.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: You know what's interesting, and I think that's cool, and and I think that as you say that, I always I I like to counterpoint some things, not not refuting what you said, what you said is completely valid, but you know, for that person out there who you know, maybe they're they're finding their resilience through some other core personality trait.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: I thought about uh I read this this this thing about Michael Jordan one time, and Michael Jordan would famously find things that would motivate him, which motivation is part of resilience, and a part and he would look at people and he'd say, That's a tar.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: And this is interesting because it almost sounds like I'm I'm saying the counter of what we said before, but I think counters are important sometimes because I don't want people to think we're just like, here's the solution, now you're more resilient.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm congratulations.
24:33
SPEAKER_01: You listen to our show and now you're resilient.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: And we're done, right?
24:36
SPEAKER_01: No, no, but but in general, sometimes different people will find different ways to get through things.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: And Michael would take somebody that was a target, and we talked about not comparing yourself to others, and I don't think he was comparing himself, but he would look and say, Here's where that person is, and I want to be there, and I'm gonna do this.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: And that's good, and and and he was motivated to do it, right?
24:54
SPEAKER_00: But that that was he knew that about himself.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Yes, he had his own awareness to go back to even how we started.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: It's like he knew what he needed, and you need to figure that out for yourself, like you know, and there's there's so many resources out there, right?
25:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, and anyone reaches out to us, we can share books and you know, uh other ways to to learn about being more resilient, but you have to put it in the practice, you can't wait until you get punched in the mouth.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: Be ready for it, absolutely prepared for it.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Man, very cool stuff.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, you know, I think that's a good place for us to kind of wrap a bow on it for this time.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: And like, you know, Nick and I talked about this off the air.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: You could talk about resilience for hours and hours because there's so many opportunities to get resilience.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: But if you're out there and you're in your moment where you you feel like you need some resilience for yourself, or you're looking at somebody else that you know could use it, you know, ground yourself, find a way to go back to some of these things, but but always stay centered.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: I think that's the big key for today.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: It's it's like when you're getting those moments, don't get too low and also don't get too high.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: Resilience is about doing a sustainable path, and but get a little better today than you were yesterday, and that's nothing can be better than that.
26:00
SPEAKER_01: All right, well Nick, uh we're we're gonna be uh picking it up with the next show later.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you, uh, for those who are out there listening, our next show we're gonna be talking a little bit about mastering the art of active listening.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: Huh?
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: This should just be called dad jokes from now on.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: With Nick D Stefano, you know, that's not a good thing.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: No, no, I love your dad jokes, man.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: Never never change.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: No.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: But uh, but no, we do thank you guys for listening.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: Make sure to like and share us on your social media of of choice, and we thank you all for being such loyal listeners.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: And we'll see you all next time on the Leader Mentality Show or Rob Clemens and feature in Nick D.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: Stefano.