Latest / Dear Chelsea / The Hunting Wives with Malin Akerman
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, it's Thursday. Hi Chelsea, It's Thursday and I'm
- 0:04Speaker 1: in Los Angeles.
- 0:05Speaker 2: I'm so happy to have you here.
- 0:07Speaker 3: Finally. I know Doug.
- 0:08Speaker 1: Has a mountain man here too. Now. I told Felix,
- 0:11Speaker 1: I was like, listen, you have to take into the
- 0:12Speaker 1: mountains every morning. So he picks him lap and he
- 0:15Speaker 1: takes him to Los Montaigne's. But it's so sad the dirt.
- 0:18Speaker 1: Like he sends me videos of Doug and it's just dirt,
- 0:21Speaker 1: white ray dirt. He went from Whistler where it's verdant
- 0:24Speaker 1: and green and beautiful.
- 0:25Speaker 3: Snowy and yeah, well it wasn't snowy.
- 0:28Speaker 1: Somewhere, but like you know, lakes and now there's pictures.
- 0:31Speaker 1: He sends me a video yesterday. I'm like, is that
- 0:33Speaker 1: a coyote? He's like, I'm like, is Doug. What does
- 0:35Speaker 1: Doug do when he see nothing?
- 0:38Speaker 3: That thing? He looks at him.
- 0:39Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god. So yeah, I'm like he's
- 0:44Speaker 1: living a different lifestyle for sure.
- 0:45Speaker 4: You know what, there are new smells here. He's you know,
- 0:48Speaker 4: having some variety to Yeah, love variety.
- 0:50Speaker 1: I mean, I guess we do love variety. I added
- 0:52Speaker 1: a new show to my West Hampton show. The first
- 0:54Speaker 1: one sold out, so I added a show August twenty first.
- 0:56Speaker 1: Now and twenty second, I will be in West Hampton performing,
- 1:00Speaker 1: and then I'm doing the I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe
- 1:02Speaker 1: Festival that's in September, and I am doing Napa Valley
- 1:08Speaker 1: and that's on October third. I'm doing Napa Valley some
- 1:10Speaker 1: big winery, so that's going to be beautiful.
- 1:12Speaker 5: Yes, And of course we had so much fun at
- 1:13Speaker 5: your Vegas show.
- 1:14Speaker 1: Vega, we gambled everyone.
- 1:17Speaker 3: We didn't.
- 1:18Speaker 1: You didn't win in the minute, but you won when
- 1:20Speaker 1: you went to the slots.
- 1:21Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 1:21Speaker 4: I went to the slots and I like put in
- 1:22Speaker 4: a twenty dollars bill and I won one hundred and
- 1:24Speaker 4: fifteen dollars.
- 1:25Speaker 1: I can see you winning at the slots, cap.
- 1:27Speaker 5: Yeah, I love a penny slot, like lady.
- 1:29Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 1:30Speaker 1: I would never waste my time at the slots because
- 1:32Speaker 1: that's just like I need more banks. But this weekend
- 1:34Speaker 1: I started betting bigger. I started betting like four or
- 1:36Speaker 1: five hundred dollars around yeah.
- 1:38Speaker 3: And it worked right hand.
- 1:39Speaker 1: And when it was working, so I left with three
- 1:41Speaker 1: hundred dollars more than I started.
- 1:42Speaker 5: I mean, you were brave betting, you were like thrown up.
- 1:45Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also supplied again. I supplied everybody with
- 1:47Speaker 1: their gambling money and they all lost.
- 1:50Speaker 3: Well no, not everybody lost. No.
- 1:52Speaker 1: I mean the bottom line is I never see that
- 1:54Speaker 1: money again. But if I walk away with it, it's
- 1:56Speaker 1: like I've given away money and I'm walking away with
- 1:59Speaker 1: more than I started within.
- 2:00Speaker 3: That's a win.
- 2:01Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a win for everybody. Everyone's happy.
- 2:03Speaker 4: And then also like people are gambling because there's just
- 2:05Speaker 4: like you.
- 2:05Speaker 1: Know, there's a fun energy around gambling.
- 2:08Speaker 5: Yeah.
- 2:09Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a really good time. It's really good.
- 2:11Speaker 1: I go to the same table every time after the show.
- 2:13Speaker 1: Doug was there. Doug was gambling because he's my meg king.
- 2:16Speaker 1: Well he's your lucky charm, he's my king. Yeah, No,
- 2:19Speaker 1: I win without him. He is definitely not my lucky charm.
- 2:21Speaker 1: He's definitely not. I'm staying with my friend Cat right now. Yeah,
- 2:24Speaker 1: and she has a little o balloompa dog. Yeah. I
- 2:27Speaker 1: don't know what kind it is, but it's a small
- 2:29Speaker 1: one is something like not fluffy short hair.
- 2:33Speaker 3: Okay, I don't know what that type is, but.
- 2:35Speaker 1: It's not it's not of interest to me, but Doug.
- 2:38Speaker 1: It's so funny when they play because Doug is obviously
- 2:40Speaker 1: like fourteen times the size of her, and he goes
- 2:43Speaker 1: to pick her up like with his teeth. Oh no,
- 2:45Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, that isn't a chew toy. No, like,
- 2:48Speaker 1: and he goes and gets it, like puts his mouth
- 2:50Speaker 1: around her, and I'm like no, no, and then he
- 2:53Speaker 1: looks at us like, oh, I'm sorry. Am I not
- 2:54Speaker 1: supposed to pick her up like this? It's like, no,
- 2:56Speaker 1: you're not her mother.
- 2:57Speaker 3: That's not a toy.
- 2:58Speaker 1: And yeah, I know, so poor little Luna, she's a
- 3:01Speaker 1: little Luna bear.
- 3:02Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 3:02Speaker 1: She's like, I'm like, he's rough stuff.
- 3:05Speaker 3: Thank god. He's not a rapist though.
- 3:06Speaker 6: You know.
- 3:07Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, not a humper.
- 3:08Speaker 3: We don't want to try to hump.
- 3:09Speaker 1: His friend Sally in Canada. But that was you know that,
- 3:12Speaker 1: that was okay because she's a friend of mine and
- 3:15Speaker 1: that dog is big and could defend herself. Yeah, you
- 3:17Speaker 1: know what I mean. And she was like, fuck you, Doug.
- 3:21Speaker 5: But he's like fix and everything, right, He just no,
- 3:24Speaker 5: I have.
- 3:24Speaker 3: A dog that's not fixed.
- 3:25Speaker 1: I mean, come on, hello, that's just one more thing
- 3:29Speaker 1: I can't.
- 3:29Speaker 3: Afford to deal with. Right, they just do it. Sometimes.
- 3:32Speaker 3: My friend Kat and.
- 3:32Speaker 1: I, Well, Cat's a good cook, so she's been cooking
- 3:34Speaker 1: for me because my house, of course is still.
- 3:36Speaker 2: Not No, of course not, of course, I house is.
- 3:39Speaker 1: Still not ready. Can you fucking believe it? I scheduled
- 3:43Speaker 1: my entire European tour and my entire European travels to
- 3:46Speaker 1: come home to a house home, and it's still not ready. Oh,
- 3:50Speaker 1: speaking of which, ICE, we have a lot of groups
- 3:53Speaker 1: to donate to that I am that I aggregated, so
- 3:57Speaker 1: let's add those, like different organizations you can donate to
- 4:00Speaker 1: for families being affected by ICE. You could donate to
- 4:02Speaker 1: attorneys that are defending these people, or you can donate
- 4:06Speaker 1: to organizations that are helping feed them and are helping
- 4:09Speaker 1: them legal fees, legal fees, and also to help them
- 4:12Speaker 1: financially while they're unable to go to work because they're
- 4:15Speaker 1: being stopped every single fucking day so that they don't
- 4:18Speaker 1: get separated from their families. So it's a good place.
- 4:20Speaker 1: There's like five or six donation spots that I found
- 4:23Speaker 1: out that are really good to donate to.
- 4:24Speaker 3: So let's do that.
- 4:25Speaker 4: Okay, If you want to donate to families who are
- 4:28Speaker 4: affected by ice and immigration issues. Here are a few
- 4:32Speaker 4: places that you can donate. So one place you can
- 4:34Speaker 4: support is the Immigrant Defender's Law Center and we'll put
- 4:38Speaker 4: a link in the bio. They're a next generation social
- 4:41Speaker 4: justice law firm that defends immigrant communities against injustices. Jail
- 4:45Speaker 4: Support LA. It's a grassroots collective dedicated to supporting anti
- 4:49Speaker 4: repression work in Los Angeles and they provide bill money
- 4:52Speaker 4: for protesters in downtown.
- 4:53Speaker 2: La Unjon del.
- 4:55Speaker 4: Barrio is an organization that defends Mexican and Latin American community.
- 5:00Speaker 4: They have been organizing a lot of protests and teach
- 5:02Speaker 4: people how to do patrols in the event of a raid.
- 5:05Speaker 4: CHARLA is the Coalition for Human Immigration Rights and empowers
- 5:09Speaker 4: immigrants to push policies that promote freedom of movement, full
- 5:12Speaker 4: human rights, vigorous civic action, and strengthens democracy. When Vesino
- 5:17Speaker 4: is an in person responder training being held on July
- 5:22Speaker 4: twenty fifth, and it's in Moore Park, California, So if
- 5:24Speaker 4: you want to attend that, we'll put a link in
- 5:26Speaker 4: the bio. Eight PHO five UNDOCU fund provides funds and
- 5:30Speaker 4: support for immigrants Mixed Techo supports organizes and empowers the
- 5:34Speaker 4: indigenous migrant communities in California's Central Coast, and these raids,
- 5:39Speaker 4: illegal and immigration raids continue to happen. So any support
- 5:43Speaker 4: that you guys can provide will be put to good use.
- 5:46Speaker 1: Okay, great, and we have a great guest today, an
- 5:49Speaker 1: old friend of mine who is in a new show.
- 5:51Speaker 1: And the new show is called Hunting Wives on Netflix.
- 5:54Speaker 1: It's not to be confused with hunting husbands or hunting
- 5:57Speaker 1: four husbands. It's hunting wives and figure that one out.
- 6:00Speaker 1: Please welcome Malin Ackerman. Hi, honey, Hi, how you doing.
- 6:05Speaker 1: I was just talking about my bunyan surgery. I'm getting
- 6:08Speaker 1: at July fifth, so much fun, so I know, I
- 6:10Speaker 1: can't wait.
- 6:11Speaker 3: I'm excited.
- 6:12Speaker 1: I'm actually excited. I'm excited for you a month off
- 6:14Speaker 1: and just lying around my house, you know what I mean.
- 6:17Speaker 3: Unfortunately, it won't even be a month like you'll be
- 6:19Speaker 3: up and if you want till, you can be up.
- 6:20Speaker 3: But otherwise, just milk it.
- 6:21Speaker 7: I milked it for as long as I could, even
- 6:23Speaker 7: though I could walk after a week.
- 6:25Speaker 3: And you could walk? Wow?
- 6:26Speaker 1: Did you do physical therapy after?
- 6:28Speaker 2: Yeah?
- 6:28Speaker 3: I did. I did with a with a trainer. And
- 6:31Speaker 3: a pee, you know what a physical therapist a pt.
- 6:34Speaker 3: But I was in a boot. Obviously I wasn't walking
- 6:36Speaker 3: without a boot. Not you're in a boot for a while.
- 6:39Speaker 3: But I think we went to Vegas two weeks after
- 6:41Speaker 3: my surgery because we'd already booked it, and I just
- 6:44Speaker 3: got one of those one of those little roly things
- 6:46Speaker 3: where you put your knee on it, and you like,
- 6:47Speaker 3: oh my god, what Vegas was intended for?
- 6:50Speaker 1: That in Disney World and when people roll around in
- 6:52Speaker 1: Disney World, Yeah, all you're missing is a drumstick, like
- 6:56Speaker 1: one of those giant turkey drumsticks. Okay, mallin. First of all,
- 6:59Speaker 1: when did I see you last? I saw you at
- 7:01Speaker 1: Guy's house, probably.
- 7:02Speaker 3: Right Guy's house. Yeah, it was probably three am in
- 7:04Speaker 3: the morning, dancing on the glasser. Yeah, he felt great.
- 7:08Speaker 1: I think I was looking for my purse for about
- 7:09Speaker 1: four hours at that party.
- 7:11Speaker 3: Did you ever find it?
- 7:12Speaker 1: I did?
- 7:13Speaker 3: It was amazing.
- 7:14Speaker 1: It's the story of my life. Some strange person just
- 7:16Speaker 1: came up to me, someone how I had never met.
- 7:19Speaker 1: Because I was going around the party asking people, I'm like,
- 7:21Speaker 1: do you have my assistants info? Because I might need
- 7:23Speaker 1: to get my driver and I'm alone, Like I came
- 7:26Speaker 1: with a bunch of people, but everybody had left and
- 7:28Speaker 1: I was still there. And then someone just walked right
- 7:31Speaker 1: up to me like some sort of heavenly angel instead
- 7:34Speaker 1: have you been looking for your purse? And I was like,
- 7:36Speaker 1: oh my god, who are you?
- 7:38Speaker 3: And do you know who that person is? You have
- 7:39Speaker 3: know I that it was just a lovely human being
- 7:41Speaker 3: that's Anaean in the world.
- 7:43Speaker 7: We like that.
- 7:45Speaker 3: It was a fun party.
- 7:46Speaker 1: It was It's always fun, right, although last year was
- 7:49Speaker 1: a little bit too my hectic, and I remember talking
- 7:51Speaker 1: to guy. I'm like, don't let anybody into that party,
- 7:53Speaker 1: like I'm not.
- 7:54Speaker 3: It gets nuts, but you kind of get lost, like
- 7:56Speaker 3: you get your little pockets of like I'm always on
- 7:59Speaker 3: the dance so I love to dance. So my husband
- 8:01Speaker 3: and I are the same, and so we're always on
- 8:02Speaker 3: the dance flore until our feet can't take it anymore,
- 8:05Speaker 3: and you feel like you find your little pockast and
- 8:06Speaker 3: all of a sudden you turn around. You're like, oh,
- 8:07Speaker 3: I'm doing the shuffle with Miles Teller and then you
- 8:09Speaker 3: turn around and and there's Chelsea falling over the table
- 8:12Speaker 3: and having the flast.
- 8:15Speaker 7: Exactly.
- 8:16Speaker 1: That's exactly the kind of impression I want to leave
- 8:18Speaker 1: people with. I remember the last time we were hanging out,
- 8:21Speaker 1: this was many, many years ago. You had just had
- 8:24Speaker 1: your kid. That's how long ago we've spent. It's since
- 8:27Speaker 1: we spent tive years ago. Yeah, so you were I
- 8:30Speaker 1: think I think you got divorced soon after that, and
- 8:33Speaker 1: then you met your husband.
- 8:35Speaker 3: Soon after that. My like the real life one. The
- 8:38Speaker 3: first one was like a trial run. And then number
- 8:40Speaker 3: two I met him when my son was three, and
- 8:43Speaker 3: so he's been in our life since then, which is awesome.
- 8:46Speaker 3: Nine years crazy.
- 8:47Speaker 1: I think that's crazy that you have a baby with
- 8:50Speaker 1: someone and then you've become a unexpectedly become a single mother.
- 8:54Speaker 3: That was a little bit of a surprise. You know,
- 8:57Speaker 3: life is you can never plan it, as we all know.
- 9:00Speaker 3: I'll try to do it, but it just it was
- 9:02Speaker 3: one of those things. And we're good now, like he's
- 9:05Speaker 3: in our life and it's and we're friends and all that,
- 9:08Speaker 3: but it was just when you have kids, you just
- 9:11Speaker 3: never know what that's going to be like, what it's
- 9:14Speaker 3: going to feel like. I know that so many people
- 9:17Speaker 3: have so many different reactions. Some people are like in
- 9:19Speaker 3: the movies where like everything's grand and beautiful, but for
- 9:22Speaker 3: the most part, it's fucking shocking. And you go through
- 9:25Speaker 3: a real emotional rollercoaster bringing a human being home and
- 9:30Speaker 3: you have to take care of it. So I think
- 9:33Speaker 3: for both of us it was just we We just
- 9:35Speaker 3: didn't prepare properly, and I think it really affected our relationship.
- 9:39Speaker 3: But who does prepare properly?
- 9:41Speaker 1: Like, I mean, it's not like so many people are
- 9:42Speaker 1: taking parenting classes before they have a baby, you know,
- 9:46Speaker 1: I know, And nine months is not enough time to
- 9:48Speaker 1: prepare for that kind of invasion.
- 9:50Speaker 3: No, And I wasn't even we weren't even preparing. I mean,
- 9:53Speaker 3: I was just living life the way it normally was.
- 9:56Speaker 3: And then a baby was born. Oh my god, geez,
- 9:59Speaker 3: this is I got to keep this thing alive and
- 10:02Speaker 3: try to keep my relationship sexy. I don't know how
- 10:04Speaker 3: do you do that. I haven't no idea, I haven't.
- 10:06Speaker 3: I failed at it. But number two is a good
- 10:10Speaker 3: is good. And we decided not to have another kid
- 10:13Speaker 3: together because I was like, you know, let's just keep
- 10:15Speaker 3: it sexy, and we've got a kid already and like,
- 10:18Speaker 3: let's have fun. And when he gets old, he's twelve.
- 10:21Speaker 3: Now you know, a few more years and he's out
- 10:22Speaker 3: of the house and we're going to travel the world
- 10:24Speaker 3: and we're still going to keep it sexy. So I know,
- 10:28Speaker 3: you know a little something about that. Because you decided
- 10:30Speaker 3: not to have children, you just kept spontaneous, spontaneity part
- 10:33Speaker 3: of your life, which is so much fun and I
- 10:34Speaker 3: miss it, do you.
- 10:36Speaker 1: Your sister introduced you to your husband, right, Yeah, she
- 10:39Speaker 1: did good memory.
- 10:40Speaker 3: She is now married to the guy who she's married
- 10:44Speaker 3: to your husband too. She's yeah, we live a polygamous life.
- 10:47Speaker 3: It's very cool, you know, a little sestuous. But her
- 10:52Speaker 3: husband is also a brit and so my husband and
- 10:54Speaker 3: her husband were at drama school together, so he would
- 10:56Speaker 3: come out for like pilot season why when there was
- 11:00Speaker 3: isolot season when that existed, And so I met him
- 11:02Speaker 3: a couple of times, and then we ended up sitting
- 11:04Speaker 3: at Hamburger Mary's beside each other for a dry queen
- 11:07Speaker 3: bingo night, and that's where we fell in love, as
- 11:09Speaker 3: you do, because we sat beside each other and I
- 11:12Speaker 3: just realized at that time, like I'd met him a
- 11:14Speaker 3: few times, but I was finally ready, I guess, and
- 11:16Speaker 3: he was just so you know that British charm and wit,
- 11:19Speaker 3: and he was funny and kind of cute, and so,
- 11:22Speaker 3: I mean, I still didn't think we were going to
- 11:23Speaker 3: get married. I just thought we'd have a fun little
- 11:25Speaker 3: affair because he's seven years younger than me. Oh oh,
- 11:28Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, it's great. And the nice thing
- 11:31Speaker 3: about younger men is that they adore you. He's like, wow,
- 11:34Speaker 3: you're my woman, and it feels you feel like a
- 11:36Speaker 3: woman around a younger man. I love it. I'm enjoying
- 11:39Speaker 3: this experience.
- 11:40Speaker 1: Yeah, I could see that I've ever dated for somebody
- 11:43Speaker 1: that was so much younger than me, more than like
- 11:45Speaker 1: a year or so. So I don't know, but I'm
- 11:47Speaker 1: assuming I'm going to get around to it because I'm
- 11:49Speaker 1: not getting any younger. Like I'm sure I'm going to
- 11:51Speaker 1: start dating.
- 11:52Speaker 3: I'll introduce you to a few young boys.
- 11:54Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'd like a little couple of flings,
- 11:56Speaker 1: especially with you know, the energy, sexual energy that younger men.
- 12:00Speaker 1: I'm more interested in math than having to deal with
- 12:02Speaker 1: you know, men my own age and their own issues.
- 12:06Speaker 1: Not not naming any names you dm me when I
- 12:09Speaker 1: was in Sweden or you were texting me or some
- 12:11Speaker 1: one of those things, because that's where you're you're from.
- 12:14Speaker 1: You're from Sweden, I am, but I originally I was
- 12:16Speaker 1: reading your bio and you also have permanent residency status
- 12:20Speaker 1: in Canada, So.
- 12:22Speaker 3: I did that one. I had to give up when
- 12:24Speaker 3: I moved out here. I had a permanent because I
- 12:26Speaker 3: was there for twenty two years. And when we first
- 12:28Speaker 3: moved to Canada, Sweden wouldn't allow dual citizenship. And then
- 12:31Speaker 3: when it was finally time for me to move America
- 12:33Speaker 3: to America, then I could get dual citizenship. But I
- 12:36Speaker 3: was going to America. So it's like, you know what,
- 12:37Speaker 3: I don't need a Canadian passport. I've got my Swedish passport.
- 12:40Speaker 3: Now I wish I had would have done it, But.
- 12:42Speaker 1: Because I was about to ask you, I'm like, wait,
- 12:44Speaker 1: I have a house in Canada and I don't have
- 12:45Speaker 1: permanent residence. Yeah I do in Whistler. I go. I
- 12:48Speaker 1: love your first ice ski in the wintertime, and I
- 12:52Speaker 1: love I love Canadians. You know, they're so civilized, Yeah,
- 12:55Speaker 1: so nice, so normal. It's a nice contrast to what
- 12:59Speaker 1: we deal with it. But a little bit yeah, yeah,
- 13:01Speaker 1: I was curious about learning. I mean, every all my
- 13:04Speaker 1: conversations lately are basically about how to naturalize another place.
- 13:10Speaker 1: How are you going to get to become a permanent
- 13:11Speaker 1: resident of another place? Back to Sweden. I have like
- 13:15Speaker 1: a few Swedish people in my life. And when I
- 13:18Speaker 1: was in Stockholm for my most recent I just came
- 13:20Speaker 1: from Europe. I was on this European tour. It looked amazing,
- 13:23Speaker 1: Thank you, It was amazing, and Stockholm was such a highlight.
- 13:26Speaker 1: It was so gorgeous out. We walked probably like fifteen
- 13:30Speaker 1: thousand steps that day. We walked and walked and walked
- 13:32Speaker 1: and walked, and it was like one of the first
- 13:35Speaker 1: days of you know what felt like summer. You know,
- 13:37Speaker 1: it was in May, but it felt like the first
- 13:39Speaker 1: and the whole place was pumping. And this was like
- 13:42Speaker 1: how it was when we kept like hopping through Europe.
- 13:44Speaker 1: We'd land and like the sun would be out and
- 13:46Speaker 1: we'd be in Copenhagen or Amsterdam or but Stockholm was
- 13:49Speaker 1: such a highlight. And I have a really good girlfriend
- 13:52Speaker 1: who lives in Whistler who is Swedish. And then I
- 13:55Speaker 1: have another friend that I spent like my twenties with
- 13:57Speaker 1: that was Swedish. And I have to say, Swedish women
- 14:00Speaker 1: are so much fucking fun. And I feel like Swedish
- 14:05Speaker 1: culture tell me if this is true, Like women don't
- 14:08Speaker 1: care about marriage in the same way that American women
- 14:13Speaker 1: care about marriage.
- 14:14Speaker 3: No, not at all. The whole thing of Like, I
- 14:17Speaker 3: don't know, there's that really weird thing where it's like
- 14:19Speaker 3: you have to spend half your yearly salary for the rank,
- 14:22Speaker 3: Like there's all these rules around things. Swedish women are
- 14:24Speaker 3: kind of like take it early. I think it's like
- 14:26Speaker 3: the Viking mentality we grew up on versus you know.
- 14:29Speaker 3: I guess America was built on, you know, religion, and
- 14:32Speaker 3: so it's a very separate It feels very logical in Sweden.
- 14:36Speaker 3: And I also feel like the women there, for whatever reason,
- 14:39Speaker 3: I don't know why or the history of it, but
- 14:41Speaker 3: the women in Sweden are the aggressors and they're very independent.
- 14:45Speaker 3: It feels very like it always feels like women have
- 14:48Speaker 3: always been an equal over there, and so you just
- 14:50Speaker 3: feel empowered, which is really interesting. And I don't know
- 14:54Speaker 3: the reason why, but I do feel like women are
- 14:57Speaker 3: just strong and takeway they want kind of thing, and
- 15:01Speaker 3: I love that about it, you know, and men tend
- 15:03Speaker 3: to follow suit and stand in line.
- 15:06Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder if it does have something to do
- 15:08Speaker 1: with the Vikings. I'm gonna have to read a book
- 15:10Speaker 1: about that.
- 15:10Speaker 3: I know, go to I should know my own culture
- 15:12Speaker 3: really and I wonder if.
- 15:14Speaker 1: It's all scale, like if it's all that area in
- 15:16Speaker 1: Scandinavian cultures too, where women, I mean obviously they're like
- 15:20Speaker 1: government wise and happy wise, like everybody seems a lot
- 15:23Speaker 1: happier in that part of the world, Scandinavia in general.
- 15:26Speaker 3: And when also when you get like a year mattornity
- 15:28Speaker 3: leave six months paternity like everything is it works like
- 15:32Speaker 3: everything You pay really high taxes in Stockholm, but they
- 15:36Speaker 3: go towards the things that you want them to go towards,
- 15:39Speaker 3: Like you can go to university for free in Sweden
- 15:41Speaker 3: and get a really brilliant education, you know, and that's
- 15:45Speaker 3: where our tax money goes to, which I would love
- 15:47Speaker 3: to see here, you know. Having a kid here, I'm like, wow,
- 15:50Speaker 3: it's expensive because he can't go to all the public schools.
- 15:53Speaker 3: We were lucky to put him in a charter school
- 15:55Speaker 3: for the first few years of his life, but now
- 15:57Speaker 3: we just switched him over and we're like, wow, it's crazy.
- 16:01Speaker 1: It's crazy that we have to pay for kindergarten. Well,
- 16:03Speaker 1: I don't have to for anything, but it's crazy that
- 16:05Speaker 1: parents have to pay for fucking kindergarten. I mean, I
- 16:07Speaker 1: live in a city that is absolutely ridiculous. Watching that
- 16:11Speaker 1: back race and watching people apply to kindergartens and preschools
- 16:15Speaker 1: is like, Honestly, when I.
- 16:17Speaker 3: Was pregnant, I had a friend of mine, a friend
- 16:20Speaker 3: of mine's mother, who was like, okay, listen, we need
- 16:22Speaker 3: a meeting. And I was like okay, and she comes
- 16:24Speaker 3: over to my place and she goes, listen, you got
- 16:26Speaker 3: to start looking into preschools. You got to start putting yourself.
- 16:28Speaker 3: I'm like, my kid isn't even born.
- 16:30Speaker 7: What do you mean.
- 16:30Speaker 3: She's like, oh, it's impossible. I'm gonna introduce you to
- 16:32Speaker 3: a woman who's gonna get you in. And I was like, okay.
- 16:34Speaker 3: I was really freaked out. I didn't know what the
- 16:36Speaker 3: fuck was going on. So this woman comes over and
- 16:39Speaker 3: she's like, Okay, I know everybody at every school. I'll
- 16:42Speaker 3: help you fill out all the forums. I'll help you.
- 16:43Speaker 3: I was like, I feel like I could fill out
- 16:45Speaker 3: a form myself. And she goes and it'll cost seven
- 16:48Speaker 3: thousand dollars. I just went I'm good. He'll go to
- 16:52Speaker 3: whatever preschool he goes to and it'll be fine. He'll
- 16:55Speaker 3: learn how to count to three and it'll be great.
- 16:57Speaker 3: But it was just there's this whole gamut here where
- 17:00Speaker 3: people scare you into thinking like if they don't get
- 17:02Speaker 3: into the right preschool, then you know they're just never
- 17:04Speaker 3: going to make it in life, which is nuts. It
- 17:08Speaker 3: really is coming from Canada where you're just like, you
- 17:10Speaker 3: just go to the schools that you go to.
- 17:12Speaker 1: You know, by the way, Canadian colleges are seven thousand
- 17:15Speaker 1: dollars for a whole entire year. So you could either
- 17:17Speaker 1: get a coach to get you into kindergarten in America,
- 17:20Speaker 1: or you could go to college for seven thousand dollars
- 17:22Speaker 1: a year. Your dealer's choice.
- 17:24Speaker 3: Yeah, dealer's choice. What are you going to choose?
- 17:26Speaker 1: I'm into that new Prime Minister of Canada though, Mark Carney.
- 17:29Speaker 1: I like his attitude all lost.
- 17:30Speaker 3: Yeah me too.
- 17:31Speaker 1: Speaking of taking what you want, Okay, let's talk about
- 17:33Speaker 1: Hunting Wives, because first of all, you are really getting
- 17:38Speaker 1: after it in the show.
- 17:39Speaker 3: Did you get to see it?
- 17:40Speaker 1: I saw three episodes. Yes, I watched it while I
- 17:42Speaker 1: was getting my roots done yesterday. Back I saw you
- 17:46Speaker 1: in full action, having lots of action with a variety
- 17:50Speaker 1: of different people, and yeah, I was like, wow, look
- 17:53Speaker 1: at you go.
- 17:55Speaker 3: Margot Banks, who is the character that I play as
- 17:57Speaker 3: you saw, is probably one of the favorite characters that
- 18:02Speaker 3: I've ever played. Talk about like living in her own
- 18:06Speaker 3: power right, just like taking whatever she wants. She is
- 18:10Speaker 3: master manipulator. She is Lady Macbeth behind the scenes, just
- 18:13Speaker 3: with her puppeteering. Super fun to play, you know. All
- 18:18Speaker 3: the cast was It's one of those dream scenarios where
- 18:21Speaker 3: everything kind of fell in place. I mean at first
- 18:23Speaker 3: when I read the script, I then gave it to
- 18:26Speaker 3: my husband and I was like, am I this person?
- 18:29Speaker 3: Can I do this?
- 18:30Speaker 6: Like?
- 18:30Speaker 3: Should I do this? Is this crazy? It is nuts?
- 18:33Speaker 3: And he read it and he went, oh my god,
- 18:35Speaker 3: are you kidding me this? You have to do this.
- 18:38Speaker 3: It's literally his fantasy is this whole show? But yeah,
- 18:41Speaker 3: she is. She is something to be reckoned with. But
- 18:45Speaker 3: the beauty of it, because you only set three episodes,
- 18:47Speaker 3: it gets there's so many twists and turns that are
- 18:50Speaker 3: coming your way. By the end, you can't even believe
- 18:52Speaker 3: where it's taken you. And that's what the fun part is.
- 18:55Speaker 3: About it is that.
- 18:56Speaker 1: Yeah, you can see that there's a lot happening, and yeah,
- 18:58Speaker 1: that's a lot that's going to happen. Oh, this is exciting.
- 19:01Speaker 2: This is AWESO coming out.
- 19:02Speaker 3: All eight episodes get dropped all at the same time
- 19:05Speaker 3: on July twenty first, So you know, okay, corn and
- 19:08Speaker 3: sit for eight hours straight and watch this crazy show.
- 19:12Speaker 7: Yeah.
- 19:12Speaker 1: So it's basically let's give a synopsis of the show.
- 19:15Speaker 1: It's basically this. Brittany's snow is also in the show,
- 19:18Speaker 1: and she basically moves I think from the East coast
- 19:21Speaker 1: to East Texas.
- 19:22Speaker 3: Is that right? That's right, small little made uptown in
- 19:24Speaker 3: East Texas where Margo Banks and her husband Jed Banks
- 19:27Speaker 3: are basically like the queen Bee and the soon to
- 19:30Speaker 3: be governor of this little town.
- 19:31Speaker 1: Who's played by Dermot mulrooney.
- 19:33Speaker 3: That's right, dream vote he's Oh my god, he's such
- 19:38Speaker 3: a nice suff here into chemistry together. I love that man.
- 19:41Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a great guy. And it's such a great
- 19:43Speaker 1: role for you. I like, I love seeing you in
- 19:46Speaker 1: a lead role and being this kind of master puppettier.
- 19:50Speaker 1: Like I love watching that and I love seeing you
- 19:52Speaker 1: shine in that way. So congratulations, thank you.
- 19:55Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so much fun. It really is, like if
- 19:57Speaker 3: you like Big Little Eyes and Yellowstone, it's like they
- 20:00Speaker 3: have a baby and this is it, you know, So
- 20:02Speaker 3: it's it's salacious and fun and sexy and wild. Do
- 20:06Speaker 3: you get how do you deal with having sex scenes
- 20:08Speaker 3: with different people?
- 20:10Speaker 1: Is that an issue?
- 20:11Speaker 3: Like?
- 20:11Speaker 1: What do you do to prepare for those?
- 20:14Speaker 3: Well, the thing is is that, you know, we have
- 20:15Speaker 3: intimacy coordinators nowadays, which is a saving grace. I love
- 20:20Speaker 3: it so much because you have this person who comes
- 20:23Speaker 3: to you know, if it's me and Brittany having a
- 20:25Speaker 3: scene together, she'll talk to us separately and say, all right,
- 20:28Speaker 3: what are you guys comfortable with? What do you want
- 20:29Speaker 3: to show? What do you not want to show?
- 20:30Speaker 7: What?
- 20:31Speaker 3: Like? What are we doing here? And then we come
- 20:33Speaker 3: in together and do rehearsals just like stunt choreography. She
- 20:36Speaker 3: actually used to our intimacy coordinator used to be a
- 20:39Speaker 3: stunt choreographer, which is awesome and she was the best.
- 20:42Speaker 3: And so it's like doing choreography. You get it all
- 20:45Speaker 3: settled and then you show your director and they sign
- 20:47Speaker 3: off on it. So when you go to set that day,
- 20:49Speaker 3: you know exactly what you're doing. There are no surprises,
- 20:52Speaker 3: nobody's doing anything different. We both feel comfortable with what
- 20:55Speaker 3: we're doing. And I want to say comfortable. It's still
- 20:57Speaker 3: not like whoo, this is going to be great. It's
- 21:00Speaker 3: still weird. You know, you're still there with the crew
- 21:04Speaker 3: and cameras. It's never what it looks like on screen.
- 21:08Speaker 3: Is it's never as intimate as we make it look.
- 21:12Speaker 3: But it's very respectful and it's very well organized and
- 21:17Speaker 3: directed and taken care of.
- 21:19Speaker 7: So you know.
- 21:20Speaker 1: I once did a movie like I don't remember what
- 21:22Speaker 1: it was even called, and I had to kiss this
- 21:24Speaker 1: guy and I was like, I can't. I cann't kiss him.
- 21:27Speaker 1: I was like, I can't kiss this person. And the
- 21:29Speaker 1: director's like, you just have to kiss him on the lips,
- 21:31Speaker 1: like it can be short, like it just has to
- 21:33Speaker 1: look like you're about like you're about to start making out.
- 21:35Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't, I can't do it, like I'm
- 21:36Speaker 1: not attracted to him. He's like, I know, but this
- 21:39Speaker 1: is not real life. You're acting, and I'm like, which
- 21:41Speaker 1: is why I'm not an actress. I'm like, I can't
- 21:43Speaker 1: make out with a man. And the whole time I
- 21:46Speaker 1: just wanted him to be yelling cut before he yelled
- 21:50Speaker 1: it like the whole time, I was like black. Yeah,
- 21:54Speaker 1: I had such a childish reaction to being to be
- 21:57Speaker 1: having to act in like a romantic setting where where
- 22:00Speaker 1: it wasn't really attracted him. So do you ever have
- 22:03Speaker 1: those types of feelings where you're like, I want this
- 22:07Speaker 1: to be over.
- 22:08Speaker 3: I think I've suppressed it so far down it's been
- 22:10Speaker 3: so long, doing it for so long that you just
- 22:14Speaker 3: pull up your bootstraps and go. But no, you know,
- 22:17Speaker 3: I gotta be honest, there hasn't been I haven't I've
- 22:19Speaker 3: I had one once, I gotta say. And this was
- 22:22Speaker 3: in the very beginning of my career, before I even
- 22:24Speaker 3: came out to Hollywood, and I had to do a
- 22:27Speaker 3: like a kiss with it guy. It was nothing like
- 22:29Speaker 3: it wasn't even a makeout thing, but he there was.
- 22:33Speaker 3: He was one of those like off camera just wasn't
- 22:35Speaker 3: a nice guy, like wasn't a great guy. So I
- 22:37Speaker 3: just didn't like him very much. And not only that,
- 22:40Speaker 3: but he decided to eat sidziki, which has tons of
- 22:43Speaker 3: garlic in it, right at lunch, right before our scene.
- 22:46Speaker 3: So not only did I not like him, he smelt
- 22:49Speaker 3: like garlic and I had to kiss him and I
- 22:51Speaker 3: was like, oh, everything about it. And that was very
- 22:53Speaker 3: early on in my career, so I didn't know how
- 22:55Speaker 3: to handle it. But yes, that was one moment where
- 22:57Speaker 3: I was like, no, please, just cold cut. But otherwise
- 23:00Speaker 3: it's it's I've had a beautiful experience and most of
- 23:05Speaker 3: the people that I've worked with, I've just really enjoyed,
- 23:07Speaker 3: and it's been you kind of when you're in that character.
- 23:11Speaker 3: You go into it and you feel like that character,
- 23:15Speaker 3: and of course once they call cut, you feel silly
- 23:17Speaker 3: and awkward and're like, hey, how's your wife? Everything good
- 23:20Speaker 3: at home? Great? It is a very strange thing. And
- 23:22Speaker 3: if you're not in the acting world and you don't
- 23:24Speaker 3: do it, I can understand people on the outside going wow,
- 23:27Speaker 3: how do you do that? But I guess you get
- 23:30Speaker 3: used to it. I guess you do it in character.
- 23:32Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I guess right, you would do it in character.
- 23:34Speaker 1: But do you feel a sense of like you must
- 23:36Speaker 1: feel a sense of responsibility to make the other actor,
- 23:39Speaker 1: whether it's a woman or a man or anything in between,
- 23:42Speaker 1: do you feel responsible for making the other person feel comfortable?
- 23:46Speaker 3: And I think both both parties, and that's been in
- 23:49Speaker 3: my experience ninety nine percent of the time is that
- 23:52Speaker 3: both parties, myself and the other party are just super
- 23:56Speaker 3: respectful and considerate. And you know, as soon as they
- 23:59Speaker 3: call cut it like hey, are you okay? Are you good?
- 24:01Speaker 3: You know, I have some scenes with George Ferrier in
- 24:04Speaker 3: this in this show, and he plays a nineteen year
- 24:07Speaker 3: old boy, but he's in his early twenties and we
- 24:10Speaker 3: have a relationship that's of a sexual nature. And of
- 24:13Speaker 3: course everything was treated just as it would with the
- 24:15Speaker 3: intimacy Cordy. It was beautiful, it was lovely, respectful. But
- 24:18Speaker 3: after every shot, I would be like I felt like
- 24:21Speaker 3: a mother. Tim was like, are you okay, yourn you
- 24:23Speaker 3: need some water? Do you need some Like can I
- 24:26Speaker 3: get you anything?
- 24:26Speaker 1: I'm sorry?
- 24:27Speaker 3: Or are you welcome? I don't know what to say
- 24:29Speaker 3: right now, but it was just really to say that,
- 24:33Speaker 3: like it's just been a lovely experience, and yes, you
- 24:37Speaker 3: I think everyone is super considerate in those situations.
- 24:41Speaker 1: There's a great shot of you pulling up on a
- 24:43Speaker 1: jet ski. First of all, your wardrobe is awesome because everybody, yeah,
- 24:47Speaker 1: I mean I get to comment on women's bodies, but
- 24:49Speaker 1: your body's just ridiculous, and your legs go off for
- 24:51Speaker 1: miles and miles and miles, and you should always just
- 24:53Speaker 1: be in a bathing suit because you should be showing
- 24:55Speaker 1: that body off. Fine, she pulls up on a jet
- 24:57Speaker 1: ski on this beach to pick up Brittany, and it's
- 25:00Speaker 1: so funny because it's just like, you know, you're on
- 25:03Speaker 1: the hut. Basically, it's like a Baywatch moment. Yeah, totally,
- 25:08Speaker 1: it's totally like a Baywatch moment. But yeah, I just
- 25:12Speaker 1: like seeing you kind of command a show. It's very
- 25:16Speaker 1: nice to see that.
- 25:17Speaker 3: I'm definitely enjoying it, and I have to say, you know,
- 25:21Speaker 3: you've earned that. Thank you. I feel like I've earned
- 25:24Speaker 3: it too. But I also feel like this character, I
- 25:27Speaker 3: love sitting in the power of what it is sometimes
- 25:32Speaker 3: to be female and what it is to use that
- 25:35Speaker 3: and weld that power. Not that I would ever use
- 25:37Speaker 3: it the way she does, but it's fun to play
- 25:39Speaker 3: that because you go, women really have this power, not
- 25:42Speaker 3: that it should be used in this way, but wow,
- 25:45Speaker 3: is it ever fun to exercise that in a role
- 25:47Speaker 3: And it is really just juicy And it was I
- 25:50Speaker 3: felt the same about my role in Billions, where she
- 25:53Speaker 3: was just this powerful character. And I love women in
- 25:57Speaker 3: power like that, whether they're using it for good or bad.
- 26:00Speaker 3: It's just fun to play.
- 26:01Speaker 1: It's also fun to examine that because men men can
- 26:05Speaker 1: be so powerful with almost no power, you know, like
- 26:08Speaker 1: they don't really have any real power necessarily, and they
- 26:11Speaker 1: present as they do just because of the nature of
- 26:14Speaker 1: society and you know, the way things have shaken out
- 26:17Speaker 1: thus far. But women really are the powerful ones, Like,
- 26:21Speaker 1: we have so much inside of us. So whenever there
- 26:23Speaker 1: are people that call into the podcast, which you'll experience shortly, like,
- 26:27Speaker 1: there's so many women who are unaware of the power
- 26:29Speaker 1: that lies within them.
- 26:31Speaker 3: And totally it's our job as.
- 26:33Speaker 1: Women who are more mature and have the wisdom and
- 26:37Speaker 1: experience to know that it's so important to inject women
- 26:40Speaker 1: with that vibe, you know, to make sure everyone knows
- 26:45Speaker 1: how powerful you are. Like I was with this I
- 26:48Speaker 1: was with this young couple of yesterday doing something and
- 26:51Speaker 1: we were filming something and they were just so traditional, right,
- 26:54Speaker 1: and they were like talking about getting married and they
- 26:57Speaker 1: were I was in their apartment in New York City
- 27:00Speaker 1: and they were so young, and they were both adorable
- 27:02Speaker 1: and sweet and kind of innocent, but they weren't even
- 27:06Speaker 1: thirty and she's just I just could tell, like, oh, this.
- 27:10Speaker 3: Girl really wants to marry this guy.
- 27:11Speaker 1: And he wants to marry and they think this is
- 27:13Speaker 1: it and you know it probably or may will be,
- 27:17Speaker 1: who knows. But also why why is it necessary to
- 27:21Speaker 1: you know? Especially I mean, you know that because you've
- 27:24Speaker 1: been through, you know, a first marriage. But I want
- 27:28Speaker 1: women to know, like life just keeps getting better and
- 27:31Speaker 1: better as you get older, and the more wisdom we acquire,
- 27:35Speaker 1: the sexier life becomes, and the more like possibilities, and like,
- 27:39Speaker 1: don't limit your possibilities for the world.
- 27:42Speaker 3: A hundred and that you know, Chelsea, that's why I
- 27:44Speaker 3: love you so much. And what you put out there
- 27:46Speaker 3: in the world in your comedy and your voice, you
- 27:50Speaker 3: just it shows women that you can. You can be vocal,
- 27:54Speaker 3: and you can be out there, and you can be confident,
- 27:57Speaker 3: and you can do whatever the fuck you want, like
- 27:59Speaker 3: skiing and and be key because we can. But I
- 28:02Speaker 3: just think that it is so important for women to
- 28:05Speaker 3: understand that our voices can and should be heard. And
- 28:08Speaker 3: it's okay, not every I had to go through a
- 28:11Speaker 3: lot of work of I was, I still am. It's
- 28:14Speaker 3: still in me a people pleaser, but I realized that
- 28:17Speaker 3: people pleasing is actually just a way to control other people.
- 28:21Speaker 3: So it's not a really nice thing. It's just I
- 28:23Speaker 3: need to control their emotions so that they don't make
- 28:26Speaker 3: me feel a certain way. So instead I had to
- 28:28Speaker 3: start learning how to say no and standing up for
- 28:30Speaker 3: myself and being okay with the fact that some people
- 28:32Speaker 3: might think that I'm a bitch, or some people might
- 28:35Speaker 3: think that whatever they want to think, but I have
- 28:38Speaker 3: to align myself with what's true to me and how
- 28:41Speaker 3: I feel. And the same goes with relationships. Like when
- 28:43Speaker 3: I met my husband, I was like, I'm not a
- 28:45Speaker 3: finished product yet. You know, I just went through divorce,
- 28:47Speaker 3: I just had a kid, Like, I don't really know
- 28:49Speaker 3: who I am right now. So who you're getting right
- 28:51Speaker 3: now is not who I'm going to be in ten
- 28:53Speaker 3: years from now. So if you want to enter into
- 28:55Speaker 3: this as a relationship, cool. It may or may not work,
- 28:59Speaker 3: but we can give it our best shot, and that's
- 29:01Speaker 3: fun and that's great. Now he happens to be the
- 29:04Speaker 3: best partner ever, which I didn't expect. I really thought
- 29:07Speaker 3: he was just going to be a little romp in
- 29:08Speaker 3: the sack and then he's going back to England. But
- 29:11Speaker 3: it didn't turn out that way. He stayed. But I
- 29:13Speaker 3: think it's really important and it's really hard, and it's
- 29:16Speaker 3: a really long journey. And I feel like I'm only
- 29:17Speaker 3: stepping into myself in my forties, you know, and who
- 29:20Speaker 3: I want to be and understanding myself and being confident
- 29:24Speaker 3: enough to take those steps to living more authentically to
- 29:28Speaker 3: who I am, and whoever doesn't want to be part
- 29:31Speaker 3: of that just isn't going to be in my life.
- 29:33Speaker 1: And that's okay, right, And that the stage of your
- 29:36Speaker 1: life that you're in when you meet somebody is not
- 29:38Speaker 1: a fixed state, Like you're not going to be that
- 29:41Speaker 1: way forever. None of us are. We'll always evolving or devolving.
- 29:45Speaker 1: Or sometimes you go through a rough patch and you
- 29:47Speaker 1: know you're not at your best, and that could happen
- 29:50Speaker 1: at any time in your life. Even when you feel
- 29:51Speaker 1: like you've gotten all figured out, then something can like
- 29:54Speaker 1: you know, kind of throw you and you're like, oh shit,
- 29:56Speaker 1: this isn't me operating on my A plus plus self.
- 29:59Speaker 1: But that's okay, Like to give yourself the grace that, Okay,
- 30:02Speaker 1: this is a rough patch, I'm going to get through it.
- 30:03Speaker 1: Because I've gotten through everything else that has come my
- 30:06Speaker 1: way in my life and this is just another something
- 30:09Speaker 1: I didn't expect. As you said when we started talking today,
- 30:12Speaker 1: that you can't really plan, you know, your life. So
- 30:14Speaker 1: when I see these young people planning their futures and
- 30:18Speaker 1: I've got to marry this by this age and i
- 30:20Speaker 1: want to have this many kids by this age, I'm like,
- 30:22Speaker 1: oh God, throw that all out the window. You can
- 30:24Speaker 1: have your kids, and you can have your husband, but
- 30:27Speaker 1: like it doesn't have to be at like these little
- 30:30Speaker 1: tent poles, like in order an arrangement, And I.
- 30:33Speaker 3: Feel like that sets you up for a disappointment instead
- 30:36Speaker 3: of just going, let's see what happens.
- 30:38Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
- 30:40Speaker 1: with Malin Ackerman.
- 30:45Speaker 3: And we're back with Mallin. What's your husband's name, Jack,
- 30:50Speaker 3: Jack Darley? Oh yeah, I love British guys, you know. Yeah,
- 30:54Speaker 3: Well we'll find you a young one, you know, I know, yes,
- 30:57Speaker 3: next up, put the word out.
- 30:58Speaker 7: I like that.
- 31:00Speaker 1: That's usually where I have most of my hookups, is London.
- 31:02Speaker 3: Yeah, because they're super fun and like just a blast,
- 31:05Speaker 3: you know.
- 31:06Speaker 1: Yeah.
- 31:07Speaker 3: I'll ask my husband if he has any good, real
- 31:09Speaker 3: good ones that are single.
- 31:10Speaker 1: Okay, please do, please do, Catherine, What do we have
- 31:14Speaker 1: in store for us?
- 31:15Speaker 4: Well, we can start with an easy one, so Jessica says,
- 31:19Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. I'm a twin sister, and my mom and
- 31:22Speaker 4: aunt are also twins. My mom is one of nine and.
- 31:24Speaker 2: Has six sisters.
- 31:26Speaker 4: All that to say, sisterhood is a huge value I
- 31:29Speaker 4: hold and has always been a major part of my
- 31:30Speaker 4: life due to work, which is a good thing and
- 31:33Speaker 4: an opportunity I'm related for. I'm going to be moving
- 31:35Speaker 4: to the West Coast from the East Coast, and my
- 31:37Speaker 4: big question is about my twin sister. She's had some
- 31:40Speaker 4: recent challenges in her life, and I'm so worried about
- 31:44Speaker 4: quote abandoning her or feeling like I'm moving on without
- 31:47Speaker 4: her across the country. She's also a badass and is
- 31:50Speaker 4: in no way in trouble like where she's reliant on me. However,
- 31:54Speaker 4: emotionally and with her.
- 31:55Speaker 2: Self confidence, she's in a rut right now.
- 31:57Speaker 4: I'm wondering if you have any tips and tricks on
- 31:59Speaker 4: how you keep in touch with your sisters that are
- 32:01Speaker 4: in different time zones than you, and also how to
- 32:04Speaker 4: help them grow and navigate the challenges they might be
- 32:06Speaker 4: facing while you aren't there physically. Finally, one last question
- 32:10Speaker 4: is whether you prioritize certain events to be there in
- 32:12Speaker 4: person with them versus those are okay with not being
- 32:15Speaker 4: physically there. For kind regards to Jess, well, how many
- 32:20Speaker 4: sisters do you have?
- 32:20Speaker 3: Balin, I have two half sisters and one half brother,
- 32:24Speaker 3: so and they're all over the place. I mean, we
- 32:26Speaker 3: grew up in different countries. They grew up in Sweden,
- 32:29Speaker 3: My brother and I grew up in Canada, and I
- 32:31Speaker 3: moved out here when I was twenty two, so I've
- 32:34Speaker 3: only experienced long distance relationships with my siblings. And if anything,
- 32:38Speaker 3: I think you cherish your time together even more when
- 32:42Speaker 3: you do see each other. And I think with all
- 32:44Speaker 3: the technology that we have nowadays, I mean, all of
- 32:46Speaker 3: my besties are somewhere in Costa Rica, some are in Canada,
- 32:50Speaker 3: some are in Sweden. We keep in touch all the time,
- 32:53Speaker 3: and when you get together it's like no time is past.
- 32:56Speaker 3: I think the people that you're closest to you work
- 32:58Speaker 3: it out. It works it self out. And yes, I
- 33:01Speaker 3: think you should go and be there for milestones and
- 33:04Speaker 3: big events and whatnot. And you know, make time for that.
- 33:07Speaker 3: But it sounds like this woman is saying, you know,
- 33:10Speaker 3: her sister's a badass and she's going to figure it out.
- 33:12Speaker 3: You can be there from a distance time zone totally.
- 33:14Speaker 3: It's just three hours difference. It's not that bad.
- 33:17Speaker 1: I don't feel like any sort of distance is prohibitive
- 33:19Speaker 1: to maintaining a relationship with somebody that you care about deeply,
- 33:23Speaker 1: especially your sisters. There's texting, there's face time, there's zooms.
- 33:26Speaker 1: You can like schedule calls. You can text and say
- 33:29Speaker 1: want to hop on the phone, you can FaceTime, you
- 33:31Speaker 1: can do all those totally, and just make sure that
- 33:34Speaker 1: your presence is known and available, that you're making yourself available.
- 33:37Speaker 1: I think that's the most important thing for any relationship
- 33:40Speaker 1: that you care about, is that you're you know when
- 33:42Speaker 1: when you hear from your sister, that you're your responsive,
- 33:45Speaker 1: that you get back to her in a nice fashion.
- 33:48Speaker 1: Not like I hate when this doesn't happen to me
- 33:50Speaker 1: and my sisters or siblings, but like, you know, if
- 33:53Speaker 1: someone texts you, you should text them back that day.
- 33:56Speaker 1: I'm really good on text. I'm less good on email,
- 33:58Speaker 1: you know, like I'm text is more immediate to me,
- 34:00Speaker 1: But there are some people who don't text back for
- 34:02Speaker 1: fucking four or five days, and I'm like, what what
- 34:04Speaker 1: kind of app do you?
- 34:04Speaker 6: Like?
- 34:05Speaker 1: How does that show up on your phone? But I think,
- 34:07Speaker 1: especially if you're worried about somebody, you just make sure
- 34:09Speaker 1: that your presence is understood for for the other person,
- 34:13Speaker 1: and make sure that you're checking in, going you know, hey,
- 34:16Speaker 1: what's up, and asking questions that lead somewhere rather than
- 34:19Speaker 1: going how are you? How's it going?
- 34:21Speaker 3: Yeah? What it like more specific like what did you
- 34:23Speaker 3: do today?
- 34:24Speaker 1: Who were you? You know, did you have a good weekend?
- 34:26Speaker 1: Would did you do anything fun?
- 34:28Speaker 6: Like?
- 34:28Speaker 1: I don't know. Just like try to engage in a
- 34:30Speaker 1: way that requires a response, so you can kind of
- 34:33Speaker 1: measure how your sister is doing rather than just checking
- 34:37Speaker 1: in in a kind of banal way.
- 34:39Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, open ended questions that let her kind of
- 34:42Speaker 3: figure it out on her own, but you're there holding
- 34:45Speaker 3: the space. I think is really important. Yeah.
- 34:47Speaker 4: Something that's helpful for me too is like having a
- 34:50Speaker 4: regular call. So it's like my mom every Friday, we
- 34:53Speaker 4: know what time we're talking, and like sometimes it has
- 34:55Speaker 4: to move by a day or we skip a week
- 34:57Speaker 4: or whatever, but having that.
- 34:58Speaker 2: Time on the calend just so we know, like it.
- 35:01Speaker 2: It makes it a lot more regular than.
- 35:03Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good idea.
- 35:04Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it really depends on your personality type,
- 35:06Speaker 1: Like I would never stick to something like that, but
- 35:08Speaker 1: I think that's if you're if you are organized in
- 35:12Speaker 1: your sisters organize, then that's great.
- 35:14Speaker 3: Yeah, it's nice to have something to look forward to
- 35:16Speaker 3: as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
- 35:18Speaker 1: Especially you can also put it on you like I'm
- 35:21Speaker 1: moving away, I'm going to miss you, you know, like,
- 35:23Speaker 1: don't make it about checking in on her. You make
- 35:25Speaker 1: it presented as like I hate being this far away
- 35:27Speaker 1: from you, or I need to make sure we have
- 35:30Speaker 1: a check in for my sanity.
- 35:31Speaker 3: Yeah. And I don't know if you guys ever did
- 35:33Speaker 3: this during COVID, but like you do the zooms where
- 35:36Speaker 3: you like happy hour zooms and you bring grab your
- 35:39Speaker 3: cocktail and you sit and have happy hour together. You
- 35:41Speaker 3: can do that from before. You can do so many
- 35:42Speaker 3: things with technology nowadays.
- 35:43Speaker 1: Those are the only kind of zooms I had, Even
- 35:45Speaker 1: if the other people on the zooms weren't having happy hour,
- 35:48Speaker 1: even if it was a work call, I was drinking.
- 35:50Speaker 1: Was like okay, yeah, I'm like everyone's whoom, and that
- 35:53Speaker 1: means everyone needs to start drinking.
- 35:56Speaker 7: Well.
- 35:56Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Lucy.
- 35:59Speaker 4: She says, Dear Chelsea, I've recently become close friends with someone,
- 36:03Speaker 4: and while our friendship sparked quickly, I'm now questioning if
- 36:07Speaker 4: we're truly compatible or if I'm just being a hater.
- 36:10Speaker 4: She's fiery, outspoken, and unapologetically flashy, think bold, designer fits
- 36:15Speaker 4: and luxury everything. I, on the other hand, lean more
- 36:19Speaker 4: toward quiet, luxury and a calmer energy. We share a
- 36:22Speaker 4: meaningful bond. We both grew up in fairly turbulent homes
- 36:25Speaker 4: and we've both worked hard to break out of that,
- 36:27Speaker 4: so there's a sisterhood there.
- 36:29Speaker 2: But sometimes I find her behavior grating.
- 36:32Speaker 4: There's a subtle superiority vibe that creeps in, and it
- 36:35Speaker 4: stirs something competitive in me that I don't love. I
- 36:38Speaker 4: pride myself on being grounded and accepting, but this dynamic
- 36:41Speaker 4: has me questioning whether I'm being too judgmental or if
- 36:44Speaker 4: deep down we're just not besty material long term. So
- 36:47Speaker 4: my question is, how do you tell the difference between
- 36:50Speaker 4: being incompatible and being insecure? Is it okay to love
- 36:53Speaker 4: someone but not like all of them? Respectfully, Lucy.
- 36:57Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean this is a hard lesson to
- 37:00Speaker 1: learn for me, I know, because I want everyone to
- 37:03Speaker 1: be like one hundred percent of the things I like.
- 37:06Speaker 1: I don't like the negatives, But that doesn't happen in life.
- 37:09Speaker 1: Like everyone's gonna have the thing that greats. You're on
- 37:11Speaker 1: your nerves when you spend too much time with somebody
- 37:13Speaker 1: or enough time with somebody, and you don't have to
- 37:16Speaker 1: like diagnose the relationship to best the best friend that
- 37:21Speaker 1: you'll ever have in your life, Like a friendship is
- 37:23Speaker 1: give and take the fact that she's so much different
- 37:25Speaker 1: than you is a good thing, Like that's exciting, Like
- 37:29Speaker 1: that's a good way for you to be less narrow minded.
- 37:33Speaker 1: You know, if we just become friends with people who
- 37:35Speaker 1: are like us, then we're not really learning that much
- 37:38Speaker 1: and we're not we're actually being very judgmental. So I
- 37:42Speaker 1: think it's always a good exercise to be friends with
- 37:44Speaker 1: people that kind of take you out of your comfort zone.
- 37:47Speaker 1: And then when you are feeling judgmental, something I do
- 37:49Speaker 1: is like, why do I feel judgmental?
- 37:51Speaker 3: Right now?
- 37:51Speaker 1: What is it about this behavior that is making me
- 37:53Speaker 1: act like this? Because I don't want to be judgmental.
- 37:56Speaker 1: I want to be open minded, you know, or if
- 37:58Speaker 1: somebody's grating on my nerves, that's usually something about yourself
- 38:02Speaker 1: rather than something about the other person, because you shouldn't
- 38:05Speaker 1: somebody shouldn't annoy you that much that you're friends with,
- 38:08Speaker 1: Like you don't need to spend that much time with
- 38:10Speaker 1: them if they're kind of annoying that does that add
- 38:13Speaker 1: up to you totally?
- 38:15Speaker 3: Totally?
- 38:15Speaker 7: I yeah, I think it's it's definitely this difficulty right
- 38:19Speaker 7: of like, it's a harsh world. Being human, it's very difficult.
- 38:24Speaker 7: So I'm I'm super receptive and open to the fact
- 38:28Speaker 7: that we have so many different ways of going through
- 38:30Speaker 7: life and it's such a layered experience. Yeah, it's obviously insecurity.
- 38:36Speaker 7: Is there a little incompatibility in the sense of maybe
- 38:42Speaker 7: we don't need to be super close? Is this a
- 38:44Speaker 7: loose acquaintance? Do you have these people in your life?
- 38:49Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I think so.
- 38:51Speaker 3: Absolutely. I think, you know, I read a book that
- 38:54Speaker 3: John Cleese and his therapist wrote. I studying psychology in school.
- 38:58Speaker 3: I thought that was gonna be my path and I
- 39:00Speaker 3: remember it so vividly because what I loved about it
- 39:02Speaker 3: was in relationships any relationship, romantic or friendship. You get
- 39:07Speaker 3: attracted to people that have these you know, you have
- 39:10Speaker 3: these sliding doors that are you know, the mosquito net
- 39:13Speaker 3: doors right and behind those doors are things about yourself
- 39:17Speaker 3: that you haven't shared or that are maybe subconscious or
- 39:21Speaker 3: like the DNA and the fiber of who you are,
- 39:23Speaker 3: and the other person has the same thing. And you
- 39:25Speaker 3: get attracted to somebody because of the things that are
- 39:28Speaker 3: behind those doors, and then when they start to come out,
- 39:31Speaker 3: it's because you're meant to share those things and learn
- 39:34Speaker 3: from them and grow from them. And growth can be uncomfortable.
- 39:37Speaker 3: So this can might be one of those situations where
- 39:40Speaker 3: there's stuff that's getting stirred up from behind those doors
- 39:44Speaker 3: for you and it's uncomfortable. But maybe you've met this
- 39:46Speaker 3: person's that you have to face those things and look
- 39:48Speaker 3: at them. And like Chelsea said, like why am I
- 39:51Speaker 3: feeling this way? And what about vocalizing it and saying hey,
- 39:53Speaker 3: you know sometimes when you do this it makes me
- 39:56Speaker 3: feel like this is the onus is on me right
- 39:57Speaker 3: now and I'm just trying to figure myself out. Yeah,
- 40:00Speaker 3: but I just wanted to let you know, maybe we
- 40:01Speaker 3: could have a conversation about it. Maybe I don't know,
- 40:04Speaker 3: you know, what's in it for you to lose? Really,
- 40:08Speaker 3: I did that with my husband when I first met him,
- 40:10Speaker 3: and I was like, this is how I'm feeling. These
- 40:13Speaker 3: are the things that I'm afraid of, and these I'm
- 40:15Speaker 3: going to tell you a few things. And if you
- 40:16Speaker 3: leave and walk away because you think that's terrible, then
- 40:19Speaker 3: leave and walk away. And I guess I'm going to
- 40:21Speaker 3: have to take that. But I need to be honest
- 40:22Speaker 3: now and start speaking from an honest place. So if
- 40:26Speaker 3: you're feeling uncomfortable in situations or she does something that
- 40:28Speaker 3: feels weird, address it in a diplomatic, beautiful way that
- 40:32Speaker 3: opens a conversation.
- 40:33Speaker 1: Maybe what's an example of something that she does that
- 40:36Speaker 1: gives you kind of like cringe feelings?
- 40:39Speaker 7: Uh yeah, yeah, I was thinking about this. There's definitely
- 40:42Speaker 7: this this social media element to it, all right. Because
- 40:47Speaker 7: it was just a physical experience of us hanging out,
- 40:50Speaker 7: it's more subdued. But on social media, I think I
- 40:54Speaker 7: just have like this status signaling fatigue. And you know,
- 40:59Speaker 7: in this day and of influencers, of course, it's usually
- 41:02Speaker 7: more like indirect and they're trying to it's a little
- 41:04Speaker 7: more modest, humble, you know whatever, And so I kind
- 41:08Speaker 7: of am like, okay, go you for my friend because
- 41:11Speaker 7: she's a little more just like direct, like this is
- 41:13Speaker 7: how it is. I'm excited about. This also rubs me
- 41:16Speaker 7: the wrong way, but I think it's a general fatigue though.
- 41:20Speaker 7: But I will give one example. So they recently got
- 41:25Speaker 7: a little a little boat, and in the post, she's
- 41:30Speaker 7: steering the boat with big old ring left. Uh but
- 41:37Speaker 7: I know, I know she's right handed. You know, I'm like,
- 41:39Speaker 7: are you steering that boat with your left hand? Right right?
- 41:44Speaker 7: You know, just silly little things like that where it's
- 41:48Speaker 7: it's not as so it's a massive deal. It just
- 41:50Speaker 7: puts me off a little bit.
- 41:53Speaker 1: I think that's a fair thing to say, Yeah, don't
- 41:56Speaker 1: you ball in, and like, yeah, I think that is
- 41:58Speaker 1: because that is kind of not true. Is she's presenting
- 42:02Speaker 1: something that's you know, and it's very showy. And while
- 42:05Speaker 1: you can accept that as a part of her personality
- 42:07Speaker 1: that she's showy, like you have to understand that's who
- 42:10Speaker 1: she is, but there is something about like presenting something
- 42:13Speaker 1: that's not true. But I mean I wouldn't pick that
- 42:15Speaker 1: example because it can be that's pretty like granular. You
- 42:19Speaker 1: can say to someone it makes me uncomfortable how showy
- 42:22Speaker 1: you can be. You can say that, go that's me,
- 42:25Speaker 1: that's me personally. I don't want to prohibit your behavior,
- 42:28Speaker 1: but it just doesn't make me feel It makes me
- 42:29Speaker 1: feel weird, like it's hard for me to watch a
- 42:32Speaker 1: little bit like that. That can come up organically at
- 42:35Speaker 1: some point. But you also don't have to label exactly
- 42:38Speaker 1: what type of friend this person is to you, Like
- 42:41Speaker 1: when you said like, is this a loose associate or
- 42:43Speaker 1: is this my best friend? You are like kind of
- 42:46Speaker 1: declaring what something is while it's happening, and then you're
- 42:49Speaker 1: like missing the whole moment anyway, And I've been there.
- 42:52Speaker 1: I understand what that is. You're like, oh, how much
- 42:55Speaker 1: of this person can I take? And that's up for
- 42:58Speaker 1: you to decide, But you and also have more fun
- 43:01Speaker 1: within the moment and be like, oh my god, this
- 43:03Speaker 1: is fun to hang out with a person. I would
- 43:05Speaker 1: never act like this. I have a lot of friends
- 43:08Speaker 1: that that I'm like, oh my god, I would never
- 43:10Speaker 1: act like that, and I half of my friends think
- 43:13Speaker 1: that about me. So I think that that's like a
- 43:16Speaker 1: good reminder, you know what I mean, Because I'm sure
- 43:19Speaker 1: there's things that you do that probably maybe rub her
- 43:22Speaker 1: the wrong way, or and she's able to look beyond them,
- 43:24Speaker 1: or maybe there isn't anything that you do that rubs
- 43:26Speaker 1: her the wrong way. But like I would just pick
- 43:28Speaker 1: and choose your moments. And also it's an interesting experiment
- 43:31Speaker 1: to find out when you get annoyed with someone and
- 43:35Speaker 1: when somebody starts to grate on your nerves. It's very
- 43:38Speaker 1: it's like a nice introspective opportunity to find out what
- 43:43Speaker 1: it is that is bothering you about that person? What
- 43:46Speaker 1: why does this bother me? Like what's underneath that? Yeah?
- 43:50Speaker 7: No, And I appreciate that so much. I I guess
- 43:52Speaker 7: that is like ultimately what I'm trying to articulate. I
- 43:55Speaker 7: feel like I'm fairly accepting. But this has thrown a
- 43:59Speaker 7: space in the works a little bit. But you're You're
- 44:02Speaker 7: totally right. And I think as we get older, too,
- 44:05Speaker 7: like I'm getting to a phase of life where it's
- 44:08Speaker 7: harder to make friends. It's a little more difficult.
- 44:10Speaker 1: Have you thought about taking up hunting? Mollin can coach
- 44:13Speaker 1: you on how to hunt on her new show Hunting Wife.
- 44:17Speaker 3: I can hunt fake wild boar if you want, we
- 44:21Speaker 3: can go hunting together, you know, with blanks. It's going
- 44:24Speaker 3: to be super fun. But I do make a me
- 44:25Speaker 3: and Mark arita, so you know, okay, I do think
- 44:29Speaker 3: you go and enjoy the flash and the luxury, dip
- 44:32Speaker 3: in and dip out as much as you want then
- 44:34Speaker 3: and that's it, and then you'll see you over time
- 44:36Speaker 3: if you need to shave the fat and you're like, no,
- 44:38Speaker 3: not a good friend. Maybe a great friend, but very different,
- 44:41Speaker 3: and just limit the time.
- 44:43Speaker 2: Get very acquainted with that mute button on Instagram.
- 44:46Speaker 4: Like there are people I love in real life and
- 44:48Speaker 4: I cannot tolerate their social media presence.
- 44:50Speaker 2: And that's okay, it's a different thing.
- 44:52Speaker 1: But it's also like, if someone is also filming the
- 44:55Speaker 1: whole time you're with them, you have every right to go,
- 44:57Speaker 1: can you please? Like cool it? Like, let's not but
- 45:00Speaker 1: we're not, you know, I'm here to spend time with you.
- 45:02Speaker 1: Like that's totally justifiable. I don't if somebody's constantly filming
- 45:06Speaker 1: you or you know, wanting to film themselves that then
- 45:08Speaker 1: they're not being present at all. So that that is
- 45:10Speaker 1: something you can say, and that's not being judgy, that's
- 45:13Speaker 1: being wanting real time, Plus, you don't know how many
- 45:15Speaker 1: people you're going to meet through this woman. She sounds
- 45:17Speaker 1: like very social and she'll probably introduce you to a
- 45:20Speaker 1: lot more people who probably feel the same way about
- 45:22Speaker 1: her that you do.
- 45:24Speaker 3: So then you have people.
- 45:26Speaker 1: Then you can really start talking about her with some
- 45:28Speaker 1: other friends. So you have got to look forward to
- 45:32Speaker 1: so many bonuses. Yeah, it sounds like fun, Lucy, just
- 45:36Speaker 1: don't put so much pressure on it, Like it's not
- 45:38Speaker 1: a romantic relationship, and we shouldn't be putting so much
- 45:41Speaker 1: pressure on our relationships. Tess, have fun and clock yourself
- 45:45Speaker 1: when you're being judgmental.
- 45:46Speaker 3: Take it in. I appreciate that.
- 45:49Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, thanks Lucy, thank you, take your look.
- 45:53Speaker 1: Bye.
- 45:55Speaker 3: Well.
- 45:55Speaker 2: Our next question comes from stu Uh.
- 45:58Speaker 4: He's thirty two and says Dear Chelsea, straight white male
- 46:03Speaker 4: father and lover of the podcast, writing in, obviously.
- 46:06Speaker 1: Dright man is listening to this podcast. We should get
- 46:09Speaker 1: a support group for straight men who listened to this podcast,
- 46:12Speaker 1: because there's I've only got to be like less than ten.
- 46:15Speaker 3: Right, a celebration for this.
- 46:19Speaker 1: Love it.
- 46:20Speaker 4: So, he says, I've been meaning to reach out for
- 46:23Speaker 4: a while now, and I'm glad I finally am my partner.
- 46:26Speaker 2: Hannah was featured in one of your episodes about a
- 46:28Speaker 2: year ago.
- 46:29Speaker 4: Everything is amazing between us, and she's not the subject
- 46:32Speaker 4: of my plea for advice. I have an almost five
- 46:35Speaker 4: year old son with my ex, who I dated on
- 46:37Speaker 4: and off for about seven years prior to meeting my
- 46:39Speaker 4: current partner.
- 46:40Speaker 2: I left for good about three years ago.
- 46:42Speaker 4: It was a tumultuous relationship between us from the beginning,
- 46:46Speaker 4: and with the help of my friends, I was finally
- 46:48Speaker 4: able to break the cycle. I had four separate apartments
- 46:51Speaker 4: during our various breaks and broke all of the leases
- 46:54Speaker 4: to move back in with her, each time into a.
- 46:56Speaker 2: House that I built for her.
- 46:57Speaker 4: Regardless, things are better than ever at the moment moment,
- 47:00Speaker 4: but she still needs to be in my life. With
- 47:02Speaker 4: lawyers and multiple mediations, we were able to come to
- 47:06Speaker 4: a somewhat copasthetic parenting agreement. However, the reality is anything
- 47:10Speaker 4: but pleasant. My dilemma is basically, how do I shift
- 47:13Speaker 4: my perspective for the next eighteen years to probably the
- 47:16Speaker 4: rest of my life of having to deal with this
- 47:18Speaker 4: person who's caused me so much trauma and deep, deep pain.
- 47:21Speaker 4: How do I co parent with someone who's unable to
- 47:23Speaker 4: communicate rationally, a person who exhibits all the classic narcissistic qualities,
- 47:28Speaker 4: we can barely communicate. So the court suggested a parenting
- 47:31Speaker 4: app and that's what we rely on.
- 47:33Speaker 2: Currently.
- 47:34Speaker 4: Being face to face is extremely challenging, as she consistently
- 47:37Speaker 4: initiates volatle arguments in front of our young son, regardless
- 47:40Speaker 4: of what I say or do. I feel that I'm
- 47:42Speaker 4: doing the work on myself to be able to move
- 47:44Speaker 4: past this and create a future of my dreams with
- 47:46Speaker 4: my current partner. But what happens when you're bound to
- 47:49Speaker 4: a person like this for the rest of your life?
- 47:51Speaker 2: In a nutshell?
- 47:52Speaker 4: How do I stay sane and create healthy boundaries for
- 47:54Speaker 4: myself for the foreseeable future and beyond in a seemingly
- 47:57Speaker 4: impossible situation?
- 47:59Speaker 3: Best?
- 47:59Speaker 1: Stu Hi, Stu Hi, Hi, This is our special guest,
- 48:04Speaker 1: Malin Ackerman. Hi.
- 48:06Speaker 3: How you doing good?
- 48:08Speaker 6: Nice to meet you.
- 48:08Speaker 3: Nice to meet you too. You have some co parenting experience, Yeah,
- 48:15Speaker 3: My husband and I we were together eleven years. We
- 48:18Speaker 3: separated when my son was four months old and only
- 48:21Speaker 3: spoke through lauryas it was a similar kind of thing.
- 48:24Speaker 3: I understand narcissistic people more than anyone you would know,
- 48:28Speaker 3: but it's definitely they are. A narcissist is impossible to
- 48:32Speaker 3: negotiate with. It's like negotiating with a terrorist. So there's
- 48:35Speaker 3: you're just never going to just don't ever hope that
- 48:39Speaker 3: this person is going to come around to anything. But
- 48:42Speaker 3: you can absolutely shape your own life the way you
- 48:44Speaker 3: want to. It sounds like you're already on the path
- 48:46Speaker 3: for that, where you're taking really good care of yourself
- 48:49Speaker 3: and you're doing your own self work and you've got
- 48:51Speaker 3: a supportive partner. It sounds like you, guys, can be
- 48:53Speaker 3: a loving home for your son. There's going to be
- 48:56Speaker 3: bumps in the road, and you're never going to be
- 48:58Speaker 3: able to protect your son from the world or life,
- 49:01Speaker 3: or her or whatever she wants to be saying or doing.
- 49:03Speaker 3: But as he grows up, my son is now twelve
- 49:05Speaker 3: years old, the questions start to come and they see things.
- 49:08Speaker 3: They're very smart and they're very bright, and they take
- 49:11Speaker 3: things in and they understand what's happening. But unfortunately, I
- 49:17Speaker 3: wish I knew about this parenting app where you could
- 49:19Speaker 3: just go on an app and decide everything. That sounds amazing.
- 49:21Speaker 3: I think stick to that and have as little amount
- 49:24Speaker 3: of contact with her as possible, and just do the
- 49:27Speaker 3: kind of drop off and hand off of your son
- 49:29Speaker 3: and just be there for him, really and for your partner.
- 49:32Speaker 3: Just take care of yourselves. But there's not much you
- 49:34Speaker 3: can do when you're dealing with a narcissist. And maybe
- 49:37Speaker 3: over time it'll start to dissipate, the anger might start
- 49:41Speaker 3: to dissipate, and the you know, ferocity. But it sounds
- 49:45Speaker 3: like you're on the right path at least. I don't know, Chelsea,
- 49:47Speaker 3: what do you have to say.
- 49:49Speaker 1: I have some experience with this too, surprisingly, dealing with
- 49:52Speaker 1: someone who behaves in that way, who creates tons of
- 49:54Speaker 1: chaos and then takes absolutely no accountability for it, and
- 49:57Speaker 1: they have children and you know, in my life, and
- 50:01Speaker 1: so I totally understand what you're saying. And I think
- 50:05Speaker 1: what I would say is there's so much dignity in
- 50:09Speaker 1: not getting down with that behavior, Like, there's so much
- 50:14Speaker 1: dignity in remaining separate and never bad mouthing that person
- 50:18Speaker 1: and never not to your child anyway. Obviously, you can
- 50:21Speaker 1: go off on her all you want to your friends
- 50:23Speaker 1: and family, and you need to, you know, but the
- 50:26Speaker 1: app is amazing. I didn't know there was something like that,
- 50:29Speaker 1: But I think there's so much dignity in not getting
- 50:32Speaker 1: into the muck of it and mired in it with
- 50:34Speaker 1: your child that once you have like a few years,
- 50:39Speaker 1: and I'm not saying that you have, but I think
- 50:41Speaker 1: that in it of itself is an honorable thing and
- 50:44Speaker 1: an honorable way to react with somebody who's unstable and
- 50:49Speaker 1: narcissistic and creates chaos wherever they go. And it's kind
- 50:54Speaker 1: of like you're setting an example for your kid to
- 50:57Speaker 1: see what the calm is and where the storm is
- 51:00Speaker 1: right And so if you're always reliable and you're always
- 51:03Speaker 1: dependable and you're always calm, because a storm can't fight
- 51:07Speaker 1: by itself, it just fizzles out. So as long as
- 51:10Speaker 1: you're keep the engagement to the bear bear bear bear minimum,
- 51:15Speaker 1: she's gonna find somebody else to argue and fight with,
- 51:18Speaker 1: and you know, hopefully that will occupy her time as
- 51:20Speaker 1: soon as she like loses the energy that she gets
- 51:23Speaker 1: from you. And I'm sure you've already done most of this,
- 51:26Speaker 1: but I would say, like just continuing through it in
- 51:30Speaker 1: a dignified way and holding your son's mental health in
- 51:35Speaker 1: such a high place like that's more important than anything
- 51:39Speaker 1: is to know and exemplify the kind of behavior that
- 51:42Speaker 1: you want him to attach to rather than to that behavior,
- 51:46Speaker 1: you know, so that there's a contrast and he can see, oh,
- 51:49Speaker 1: this person's stable, this person's reliable, this person does what
- 51:52Speaker 1: they say, this person is dependable, and then there's this.
- 51:55Speaker 1: So he's going to figure it out because everyone does.
- 51:59Speaker 1: But it's definitely not your job to paint the picture
- 52:02Speaker 1: for him. It's your job to just show him what
- 52:04Speaker 1: the opposite of that looks like.
- 52:06Speaker 6: Yeah, and that's kind of the only thing that's kept
- 52:08Speaker 6: me sane in this whole thing, honestly, is just anchoring
- 52:11Speaker 6: down and really doing that myself. I thought she would
- 52:14Speaker 6: change when I started dating her, and clearly, you know,
- 52:16Speaker 6: that was my bad, and I've learned to not and
- 52:19Speaker 6: I don't see it happening in the time of the future.
- 52:21Speaker 6: But one of the main kind of issues that we're
- 52:23Speaker 6: having at the moment is that obviously he's in a
- 52:26Speaker 6: lot of school in summer camps now and everything, and
- 52:30Speaker 6: she's kind of been bad mouthing me to all the
- 52:32Speaker 6: other parents and the teachers and more or less putting
- 52:35Speaker 6: everything on me, which I you know, if she wants
- 52:39Speaker 6: to do that, Go ahead, have fun. It's clear when
- 52:41Speaker 6: you meet me in person that that is not who
- 52:43Speaker 6: I am. But I just you know, it paints a
- 52:46Speaker 6: bad creature of me, and people look at me differently
- 52:48Speaker 6: when I come to pick up my son, and you know,
- 52:50Speaker 6: they treat me differently, And how should I deal with that?
- 52:54Speaker 6: Because that is not fun?
- 52:55Speaker 3: But that's on them. I mean, that's crazy to me
- 52:58Speaker 3: that people but will just take one side of the story,
- 53:02Speaker 3: you know what I mean? I feel like that, then
- 53:03Speaker 3: who are these people? Do really care what they think?
- 53:06Speaker 3: Do you really care? That's a great point, like there
- 53:09Speaker 3: are two sides to every story, and if they're not
- 53:10Speaker 3: willing to hear both sides, then begone with them. You
- 53:13Speaker 3: don't need them yet.
- 53:14Speaker 1: But also I would argue they don't even need to
- 53:17Speaker 1: hear your side because there's one person's tinting tales and
- 53:20Speaker 1: then there's you that's acting normal and going to pick
- 53:22Speaker 1: up your son and being polite and pleasant and engaging
- 53:25Speaker 1: to whomever you can. You don't have to go and
- 53:27Speaker 1: convince them that you're the good guy. They're going to
- 53:30Speaker 1: figure it out too. Everybody, the person I'm talking about,
- 53:33Speaker 1: everybody knows that this person's off their rocker. Everybody knows.
- 53:37Speaker 1: I didn't have to tell anybody. Most people figured it
- 53:41Speaker 1: out on their own. So that's another song and dance
- 53:43Speaker 1: that you can just eliminate, Like you don't have to
- 53:46Speaker 1: participate in that. All you have to do is be
- 53:48Speaker 1: a great dad to your kid. It doesn't matter what
- 53:50Speaker 1: these people think of you in the moment. They're all
- 53:52Speaker 1: going to figure the same shit out too. And for
- 53:55Speaker 1: the other people that want to glom onto the drama
- 53:57Speaker 1: of the story, there are people that create drama wherever
- 53:59Speaker 1: they go, and people get tired of it. People don't
- 54:02Speaker 1: want to be involved in other people's drama endlessly. It
- 54:05Speaker 1: sounds fun in the beginning sometimes, but it doesn't go
- 54:07Speaker 1: on like that. So I would say it's the same
- 54:10Speaker 1: advice I would give you with regard to dealing with
- 54:12Speaker 1: her directly, and like, just act in a dignified way,
- 54:15Speaker 1: like you are dignified, you're doing the right thing, and
- 54:18Speaker 1: just be consistent about all of your behavior. And then
- 54:21Speaker 1: then it's just the writings on the wall. It's just
- 54:24Speaker 1: obvious to everybody, and it doesn't necessarily happen when you
- 54:27Speaker 1: want to. I know you want to, like defend yourself,
- 54:29Speaker 1: but don't. There's nothing to defend.
- 54:32Speaker 6: It has to crash and burn. In my opinion, that's
- 54:34Speaker 6: the only inevidible outcome is that eventually it's just gonna
- 54:37Speaker 6: She's gonna do this until you're the many friends left
- 54:39Speaker 6: or people obviously see.
- 54:41Speaker 1: It, Toluly, She'll go through a million friends, that's what
- 54:43Speaker 1: she'll do. She'll go through a million people.
- 54:45Speaker 3: Narcissists burn their bridges wherever they go, and it just happens.
- 54:49Speaker 3: And if you're like Chelsea, saying's best advice just be
- 54:51Speaker 3: consistent and be dignified and people will see it over time.
- 54:55Speaker 3: That's it.
- 54:56Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's no needs and reason to bad mouth
- 54:58Speaker 1: her to anybody, even if you become friends with any
- 55:00Speaker 1: of those parents, like all you have to you just
- 55:03Speaker 1: have to give the look like I don't want to
- 55:04Speaker 1: go there. I'm not interested in participating in that kind
- 55:07Speaker 1: of conversation, you know what I mean, be above it
- 55:10Speaker 1: because that is respectable behavior. And when people see that,
- 55:13Speaker 1: they're like, oh, okay, there's the normal one.
- 55:15Speaker 6: Yeah, and it sets us more a part too exact
- 55:17Speaker 6: exactly what you so.
- 55:18Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's kind of like taking that attitude with
- 55:21Speaker 1: you in every for the big stuff and the small stuff.
- 55:23Speaker 1: You know, you just have to have that attitude. And
- 55:26Speaker 1: like it's like every morning you have to meditate for
- 55:27Speaker 1: twenty minutes, like I will not react to her today,
- 55:30Speaker 1: I will not get involved in this drama today and
- 55:33Speaker 1: do that, and before you know it, then that becomes
- 55:35Speaker 1: your your your second skin. And I mean, you sound
- 55:38Speaker 1: like you have your shit together anyway, and you've done
- 55:41Speaker 1: the hardest stuff is behind you. But I can understand
- 55:44Speaker 1: how challenging it would be to think of leading this life.
- 55:47Speaker 1: I mean, she's gonna start terrorizing another man at some
- 55:49Speaker 1: point anyway, So.
- 55:51Speaker 6: You know, I've been through a few, so let's hope
- 55:52Speaker 6: one sticks.
- 55:53Speaker 1: See, Yeah, you go, but thanks for calling in. And
- 55:57Speaker 1: we're so excited to have a straight male caller. I
- 55:59Speaker 1: can't tell you. It'll happen more for sure up here. Okay,
- 56:05Speaker 1: we'll take care, Jerius.
- 56:07Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Bye bye bye. That was sweet.
- 56:11Speaker 1: I know there's so many See there are such good
- 56:14Speaker 1: guys out there, and that's sweet. Yeah, And you know
- 56:17Speaker 1: those people like that though, that are so crazy. You know,
- 56:19Speaker 1: you talk about narcissis and then everything comes up on
- 56:22Speaker 1: your phone and it's like a narcissist will do this.
- 56:24Speaker 1: A narcissist will do this a narcissist. And somebody said
- 56:27Speaker 1: to me, I was with this guy I dated. I
- 56:30Speaker 1: was in Barcelona and when I did this European tour,
- 56:32Speaker 1: and he was we were talking about narcissist and we
- 56:34Speaker 1: went to dinner before and he's an old ex and
- 56:37Speaker 1: he was like, I'm reading this. I was working with
- 56:38Speaker 1: a psycholiatrist and he has this philosophy that you know,
- 56:41Speaker 1: every child is a narcissist. Every child is a narcissist
- 56:44Speaker 1: because they have to learn how to get attention, and
- 56:46Speaker 1: they have to smile, and they have to be funny,
- 56:48Speaker 1: or they have to create drama. They have to get attention.
- 56:50Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't think that's the right depiction.
- 56:54Speaker 1: And I go, not every child is a narciss He goes, no,
- 56:56Speaker 1: every person is a narcissist. And I was like, that's
- 56:58Speaker 1: not true either. That's just simply not true. And he's like, well,
- 57:01Speaker 1: you're a narcissist. And I said, I don't have a
- 57:03Speaker 1: problem with you calling me a narcissist because I don't
- 57:05Speaker 1: struggle with that identity, Like I'm not worried about me
- 57:08Speaker 1: being a narcissist, So you can call me that, and
- 57:10Speaker 1: if you think that that's okay. My opinion of me
- 57:13Speaker 1: is more important than anyone else's anyway. But like a narcissist,
- 57:17Speaker 1: if you call a narcissist a narcissist, they will argue
- 57:21Speaker 1: with you about it until the fucking sun goes down,
- 57:26Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And they and and they
- 57:27Speaker 1: get they get mired in details that have nothing to
- 57:30Speaker 1: do with the actual basis of the argument or the conversation.
- 57:35Speaker 1: They will talk about the color of the sky and
- 57:37Speaker 1: disagree with this, and then we'll focus on this, like
- 57:40Speaker 1: a Narcissists are so toxic to be around, and they
- 57:43Speaker 1: exhaust everyone around them and they will never say they're
- 57:48Speaker 1: sorry about any of their behavior.
- 57:50Speaker 3: Yeah, ever, absolutely, they'll justify it till the cows come home.
- 57:54Speaker 3: It's incredible and it's sad, I'm telling you. It's like
- 57:56Speaker 3: it's like talking to it's like trying to negotiate with terrorists,
- 57:59Speaker 3: like it's we're never going to win this fight, so.
- 58:02Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, And the and the only piece that
- 58:05Speaker 1: you get is when you stop communicating with that person.
- 58:08Speaker 4: Yeah, well, stop trying to change them, and like stop
- 58:11Speaker 4: trying to have those fights. When you start picking no battles,
- 58:13Speaker 4: it's like, oh okay.
- 58:15Speaker 2: It's like such a relief.
- 58:16Speaker 7: Yeah.
- 58:16Speaker 1: Then they have to go elsewhere for their drama and
- 58:19Speaker 1: you can they can't find it there, So like it's
- 58:22Speaker 1: it's just always better. And and you know, obviously, when
- 58:24Speaker 1: you share a child with somebody, it's not that easy
- 58:26Speaker 1: to just walk away from somebody and not communicate with them.
- 58:29Speaker 1: But this parenting app sounds fucking awesome. I'd like to
- 58:31Speaker 1: have an app good, Yeah, to handle a lot of
- 58:33Speaker 1: my relationships.
- 58:34Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, it would be great. Okay, Well, we'll
- 58:40Speaker 3: be right back with Malon Akerman.
- 58:45Speaker 1: How we're back to wrap things up with Malon Ackerman
- 58:48Speaker 1: where Okay, we're very excited her show to be used
- 58:50Speaker 1: on July twenty first.
- 58:51Speaker 3: Is that the date July twenty first on Netflix?
- 58:53Speaker 1: Yes, it on Netflix. It's called So this is even
- 58:55Speaker 1: a better outcome than you've started with. I think ending
- 58:58Speaker 1: up on Netflix.
- 59:00Speaker 3: Is I think so? Yeah. I mean I think a
- 59:02Speaker 3: lot more people have Netflix, and so it's kind of
- 59:05Speaker 3: the og of all the streamers. So it's great. I'm
- 59:08Speaker 3: very excited. I'm very excited for the world to see
- 59:11Speaker 3: this show. I'm also nervous, and you know, there's lots
- 59:14Speaker 3: of feelings around it, but ultimately, I just think that
- 59:17Speaker 3: it's a really fun show. I think people are gonna
- 59:19Speaker 3: love it. I think it's going to be a big hit.
- 59:21Speaker 3: Oh thanks, I hope so so yes, it's called Hunting Wives.
- 59:24Speaker 3: Everybody premieres July twenty first on Netflix.
- 59:27Speaker 1: Thank you, Mallin. I hope I see you soon. I'm
- 59:29Speaker 1: going to tell you when I'm in La this summer.
- 59:31Speaker 3: Are you?
- 59:32Speaker 1: Are you based in La?
- 59:33Speaker 3: Now? I'm based in La, but of course I'm we're
- 59:36Speaker 3: going way with summer. But we go to Europe for
- 59:37Speaker 3: the summer. We go to Sweden and England and visit
- 59:40Speaker 3: family and stuff like that, so we'll be gone for
- 59:41Speaker 3: a bit of it. All right.
- 59:43Speaker 1: Well, we'll figure out a time to hook up at
- 59:44Speaker 1: some point.
- 59:45Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be awesome. It's so nice to chat
- 59:48Speaker 3: with you.
- 59:49Speaker 1: Congrats on everything.
- 59:50Speaker 3: Thanks any thank you? All right, nice talking to you both.
- 59:54Speaker 1: Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates
- 59:57Speaker 1: for this year. Summertime time is coming and I will
- 1:00:03Speaker 1: be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on
- 1:00:07Speaker 1: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November
- 1:00:12Speaker 1: one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
- 1:00:16Speaker 1: Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
- 1:00:20Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
- 1:00:23Speaker 1: thank you.
- 1:00:25Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
- 1:00:26Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
- 1:00:30Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
- 1:00:33Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea pod.
- 1:00:35Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and
- 1:00:36Speaker 4: Engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be
- 1:00:40Speaker 4: sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com