Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #81 Two Takes: A Mom & Daughter Tell-All About Surviving Junior Year

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#81 Two Takes: A Mom & Daughter Tell-All About Surviving Junior Year · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

College Is Fine Podcast (00:00) right listeners, I'm excited for today. This is something we've never done before. We have a parent of two high school students on who really has had a lot of fun, exciting career shifts in her life that has somehow, you know, is probably eating, sleeping, living, breathing college life, both at home and in her career. So. Ali, we'd love to hear a little bit more about you and we're really lucky. Her daughter has hopped on for a little bit, so. Ali Dorfman (00:26) Well, hi, and thank you so much for having me. My name is Allie Dorfman. And as you said, I'm a former TV producer. I spent most of my career at CBS News. I worked at the Today Show, ABC. I've kind of been everywhere. And storytelling is basically in my DNA. It's what I've done for so many years. That's what I love. And I have two daughters, and now in ninth and 11th grade. And when Emmy, my 11th grader, was starting high school, started to think about college, I knew it was around the corner, no pun intended. And I really started to look into it and I felt like there was not a place where I could find everything in one place. It just seemed like the whole college planning journey was very fragmented. So I came up with this idea to create the college and dorm corner. It's a one-stop shop for everything you need in college. You can find everything from a test prep tutor, college experts, summer planning experiences, everything you need. Then you get in all of the gifts and then the dorm decor. So really kind of this. College Is Fine Podcast (01:20) You Ali Dorfman (01:21) one-stop platform to help families and students in the college planning journey. College Is Fine Podcast (01:25) Well, amazing. I think I told you, Hallie, when we first met, it's definitely a resource I'll be using when my kids go to college. So maybe we could talk a little bit about what it's been like so far as a parent going through the college process. I'm just interested. mean, junior year is the year that I know for my patients is, it's like buckle up. Like things are getting serious. The train is left the station and emotions are running high. Sarah (01:48) Yeah. College Is Fine Podcast (01:52) What's the current climate over there in the Dorfman household? Ali Dorfman (01:55) Well, it's been a lot. First of all, just having a teenage daughter in and of itself is a lot, but then obviously thinking about college and the next chapter in Emmy's life is a big thing. So it's just a lot. I'll let Emmy explain more about everything from, you know, she does a lot of sports and test prep, and then all the keeping up with the grades and thinking about extracurriculars. It's sort of a lot, and we're trying to juggle it all and not be... too stressed out about it, but obviously there are stresses that come with it. There's conflicts between us, because I want to push at me, but I don't want to push too hard. So it's been an interesting dynamic, but thank God it's going really well so far. Sarah (02:28) Amen. What about you and me? Ali Dorfman (02:35) yeah, hi. Thank you for having me. I'm Emmy. I'm a junior and I'm pretty busy. like, I get very stressed out at times and like, it's hard to try and balance everything as my mom said, but I think that just like the most important thing is that you still like find time to like decompress. And like, I always remind myself, I'm like, I say like, every time I'm stressed out, like I always end up like being fine. Like you just need to tell yourself like, Like it won't take as much time to do all of your work and do everything as you think it will. You're making everything worse in your head, so you kind of just need to remember that it's not the end of the world. If you don't get a perfect score on or perfect grade on all of your tests, it's not. Everything is a small piece, so you just need to remember to balance everything. and not like hyperfixate on like one specific thing. Sarah (03:28) I love that idea of everything being a small piece because yeah, it's sort of like, you know, so many people have done this before. They all sort of, they survive, they get through it, you included. All right. So we're going to try something a little bit new here For the 10 extras in the room, we might have remembered a show called the New Newlywed Game, where we would kind of ask different couples a question, and they would have to answer and pull up their cards at the same time. So we're going to ask Allie and Emmy. We're going to put them to the test a little bit. We'll ask you the same question. Don't answer right away. We want you to form your question first, and then we'll allow you both to kind of answer in your own time. All right? So we're going to get a little bit of like mom said, daughter said perspectives here. So this first piece is on the kind of the letting go aspect of this. So on a scale from 0 to 10, how independent do you think the student should be when it comes to doing their college applications and choosing their top choice? So kind of form your answers. Let me know when you're ready. Ali Dorfman (04:26) Wait, is like 10 the most independent? Sarah (04:28) Thank you for asking, Yes, that's a great question. Ten is the most independent and one is the least independent. All right. Hold your, if you have your answer, kind of give us a thumbs up. I see Emmy's thinking. Okay. All right. Go ahead. ⁓ Six. both kind of in the middle there. Emmy, what makes yours a five? Ali Dorfman (04:33) Okay. Six. I was gonna say five. Like, I think that, like, obviously, like, I want, like, as much guidance as I can, but, like, I also want to be left alone at times and, like, not feel like I'm being pressured by, like, what other people think to, make up what I want. And, like, I like just doing, research on my own and, seeing things online, TikTok, Instagram, that help me, like, like, forge my own path, I guess. Sarah (05:09) Yeah, Allie, what about you? What made you? College Is Fine Podcast (05:10) Yeah. Ali Dorfman (05:10) No, I would say that you want to give your child independence, but there's also, you have to guide them a little bit because like, again, there's so many external forces and so many internal things going on with all the other stuff she said she's doing. So it's like the balance of independence with kind of helping them because there's just so much to navigate. Sarah (05:27) Yeah. All right. Good job. You guys were really, really close there. Good first round. College Is Fine Podcast (05:32) Okay, Looking back, when was the moment you realized, my gosh, college is actually happening? So give me a timestamp. Let me know when you're ready. Okay, Ali's ready. I he's ready. Sarah (05:45) I think that was more of a oi, less of a ruddy. ⁓ Ali Dorfman (05:43) Is she ready or rubbing her eyes? College Is Fine Podcast (05:47) She's like kindergarten. Ali Dorfman (05:49) I'd say like this past summer, like when I had to start like ACT prep and I realized that like even though like maybe I was like kind of satisfied with my grades in school, like this wasn't something that's like you could like, I don't know, it was just kind of like scary, like taking it with like a bunch of like other students from other schools, know, like you're like competing with everyone. College Is Fine Podcast (05:55) Okay. Right. Yeah. Things are good. Sarah (06:11) Hmm. Ali Dorfman (06:12) I'm gonna have to agree, I'm gonna agree with her. I was gonna say this summer, she went away for a few weeks and came back and it was like buckle down. And she was determined to take the ACT in September. So all of August, she was like, let me try to get through this. I don't have to worry about a junior year. She was not satisfied. we're still go, when I say, see, that's the thing too. I'm saying we're still going. She is still going, but therein lies the independence, codependence. So she's still going. We're probably. College Is Fine Podcast (06:19) Yeah. Mmm. Sarah (06:32) Yeah. College Is Fine Podcast (06:37) Right. Sarah (06:38) Mm-hmm. Ali Dorfman (06:40) gonna stop after the next round. But I think this summer when it was like kind of knowing that junior year was coming up and test prep and starting soccer season, was like college is coming and we gotta hunker down. Sarah (06:52) Yeah, you can see the big wave. All right, you guys are still really in sync. Very impressive so far. Let's see if you can stay in tune for this next one. ⁓ College Is Fine Podcast (06:53) Right. Ali Dorfman (07:01) Let's turn College Is Fine Podcast (07:01) yeah. Ali Dorfman (07:01) the camera off and see if we're still in sync. Sarah (07:03) All right, so how often do you think you should talk once you get to college? How frequently would you like to keep in communication and in what way? Like text versus FaceTime versus written letters, old school style. Ali Dorfman (07:17) not gonna agree on this one. Sarah (07:19) All right, everyone have their answer? Ali Dorfman (07:21) Yeah. Sarah (07:21) Alright. Ali Dorfman (07:22) You go first. At least once a day, probably more. Like talking or texting? Just communicating at some point, knowing that like, okay, you're fine. I think like texting, like yeah, that could be every day, but like calling or FaceTiming, like, I don't know. I don't like know how busy, probably like three times, four times a week. my God, I'm gonna be like stalking you. Life 360. Sarah (07:24) Okay. Mm-hmm. I'm sorry. All right. Yeah, I mean, we hear this a lot, right? We've had a few episodes on this where people have actually been in their junior year looking back and having to navigate a little bit of that. and this is, yeah, certainly sometimes we start to see, you know, parents or mom want to talk a lot and the college student is like, hey, I need some breathing room or here's what's going on in my life and I can't really share every single aspect of it. Yeah, but that life 360 question comes up, right? You know, it's like, all right. College Is Fine Podcast (07:48) Yes. Right, right. Ali Dorfman (08:11) disabled. Sarah (08:13) Yeah. It's a learning curve for sure for both sides. Like how do get used to the new normal? College Is Fine Podcast (08:14) Well, we've... Right. Okay. What family rule or expectation do you think should be retired once college starts? Ali Dorfman (08:26) Like for me or for like... College Is Fine Podcast (08:27) for you. Sarah (08:28) Yeah. Or you could give a family rule to mom if you want. Things like that. You know, We kind of have a couple. For example, like curfew. Things like that. Ali Dorfman (08:29) ⁓ Like, for example, like... College Is Fine Podcast (08:37) Privacy, know, like I think like sometimes parents have like a little bit more awareness of whether through technology or spending on bank accounts or health even health privacy. There's a lot of things I think Ali Dorfman (08:52) That's a hard one. Yeah, I feel like you're always parenting So it seems hard to relinquish to ask your child to relinquish something even though they go to college Yeah, like I would say like I still I wouldn't like mine like I'd still have my life through 60 on like if I need to like Venmo someone like I feel like I still like ask my dad for that like I don't think I'd like I don't I wouldn't want to like do too much on my own I don't know like And I'm gonna say nothing, I feel like just because you go to college. I feel like there's not nothing, like stuff would probably come up, I just can't think of it yet. Sarah (09:22) Well, do you think that mom should be able to tell you when to go to bed and when to be back in your dorm? Ali Dorfman (09:26) Like, I feel like the only time I like kind of have a strict curfew is if I'm like driving. Like if I'm driving, I have to be home by 11, but like, I don't know, sometimes I am out past when you're asleep. guess like, like usually like I have to text, like I have to text you like what I'm doing like every night. Like if I'm out, I'll say like I'm going here. If I'm getting in an Uber, I have to say I'm getting in an Uber. I don't know if I would. College Is Fine Podcast (09:45) Yeah. Ali Dorfman (09:50) necessarily have to do that once I'm in college. Like, I'm getting in an Uber with these people. Like, I don't think I would, like, highlight every specific detail of my night usually. Sarah (09:58) Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. College Is Fine Podcast (09:59) Right, that might. Ali Dorfman (09:59) I guess I agree with that, that it's like if she's out till like two in the morning in college, like first of all, I'm sleeping at like 10 o'clock at night, so I wouldn't see until the next morning. Anyway, now I wake up, I probably won't wake up as much in college, or hopefully I won't wake up as much in college, because that will be many sleepless nights. College Is Fine Podcast (10:04) Yeah. Yeah. Sarah (10:18) Maybe a little bit of out of sight, out of mind would a good thing. Ali Dorfman (10:20) ⁓ hi, maybe. Sarah (10:22) So what's the correct percentage of time spent thinking about things like college essays and the prep for the applications versus the fun stuff like dorm decorations and kind of the what has the best kind of sports scene or party scene at the school? Ali Dorfman (10:37) Okay, you go first. I would say like 70, 30 right now because she's a junior. So probably more of the essays, the college application. She's starting to think already about a common app essay topic and stuff like that. Obviously the dorm decorating, that's exciting. And through my business, obviously she follows me and knows that's the next step in the journey. But right now as a junior, it's more of the academic stuff. Although you brought up sports, that's super interesting too, because You know, you see Indiana, Miami, all these schools that could be on her list and you see them doing well in sports, is that having an influence on maybe where you want to go to school. So I think that, or you think about, you know, you're in Nashville, Vanderbilt, all of a sudden this year they had an amazing football team. So I would say the sports is part of like where she wants to go to school and then going to the games and the tailgates and what you're going to wear. So I would say still 70-30, but that other stuff plays a big part as well. Yeah, I was gonna say like 75-25, but I'm thinking like maybe I'd change it to like a little less like, like maybe more like 80-20 because like, I don't like, I don't know, I'm I'm like only thinking about just like getting into college. I haven't really thought about like after that and like, yeah, like sports is obviously really important to me. College Is Fine Podcast (11:49) Yeah. Sarah (11:52) Mm-hmm. Ali Dorfman (11:55) I go to a big high school, so like going to sports games is like my favorite part of high school. But like, I don't know, I don't think like dorm stuff and like fun stuff is like my priority right now. College Is Fine Podcast (12:06) has gotten there yet. ⁓ Sarah (12:08) Yeah, but I'm curious because mom had you giving you a little bit more percentage points. So Allie, why would you say 30 %? Like what part of that feels like you? Ali Dorfman (12:17) I thought maybe because she's always on TikTok and they're always looking at things and you're seeing all the influence. You see an Alex Earl, she went to Miami and things that she's posting. So I just assumed based on social media that maybe that was more in her brain, but it's interesting that she's more into the academic stuff, which I know, but the percentage is a little surprising to me. College Is Fine Podcast (12:30) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sarah (12:41) actually kind of like the idea that you gave her some more wiggle room to think about the fun stuff, right? At the end of the day, that's highly motivating to kind of be able to picture yourself where you are. I know you're just in the beginning of the process. I like that you also were saying, you know, okay, first of all, it's just about putting in the groundwork, kind of laying the brick, you know, levels to get to where I need to go. But in a way, this was kind of nice to see Mom giving you more space to have the excitement for it. Yeah. Ali Dorfman (13:05) Yeah. Because that's part of it too. Like I still like, best friends with my college friends and like, you know, we still travel and do things together. So I think that I want that obviously to be a big part of it as well. Sarah (13:16) Mm-hmm. College Is Fine Podcast (13:17) All right, okay, you're seven, eight months in, last question, okay? If you had like 15 seconds, I'm not gonna time you, to give advice to a family about to start the college process, what would you tell them? What's your one piece of advice? No. Ali Dorfman (13:32) just I would just use the cliche that it's a marathon not a sprint and you have to just really take it in stride pace yourself and know that it will all work out you have to just know your kid what works for them and just really you know be confident that it will all work out. College Is Fine Podcast (13:49) What about you, Emmy? Ali Dorfman (13:51) I'd say... Like, what you're doing, like make sure you're actually interested in this. Like, I feel like I say this to my sister, like don't like take classes that you're not interested in because you're not gonna like excel in them. Like, you're not gonna like make connections with the teachers in those classes. Like, it's just important to focus on what you're interested in and how you can like connect that to different aspects of your life. College Is Fine Podcast (14:13) Mm-hmm. I love that. Sarah (14:14) I love that. Okay. So from the wise expert, Emmy. Ali Dorfman (14:19) Maybe she has a future career working with you guys. College Is Fine Podcast (14:21) Yes, maybe. Sarah (14:21) I mean, seriously, yeah. mean, because in a way, even though you feel like you're new to the process, people who haven't gotten there yet are looking at you, kind of wondering what it feels like. So that's great advice. Ali Dorfman (14:31) Yeah. Yeah, another just like an example, I feel like I spent like, I spent like two years of high school taking like journalism. And like, I couldn't like, do like, well in it really, because like, you kind of had to like, dedicate if you wanted to do well, you had to like dedicate a lot of time outside of school to it. And like, I, like I play three sports. So like, it was hard for me to like dedicate all of my time to College Is Fine Podcast (14:33) Yeah. Ali Dorfman (14:55) like both things at once. So just like focusing on like what you care about the most kind of. I think it's also like FOMO, you like you see other people doing things and you feel like you have to do it too. And I think for Emi, like she came to the realization, like I'm a journalist, like I love it. So when she was like, and I was like, you'll write for the paper and you could interview people. She's like, but that's not my passion. Like just because you love it and you're good at it, I'm interested in other things. So I think it's also from a parent perspective. Sarah (15:00) Yeah, I love that. College Is Fine Podcast (15:04) Yeah. Ali Dorfman (15:24) letting your kid do what they can excel at and what they love, not necessarily what we are good at and what we love because everyone's different. And so I think that's part of it too, letting them do what they're passionate about. College Is Fine Podcast (15:25) Hmm. Sarah (15:36) Yeah, I love that. College Is Fine Podcast (15:37) Yeah, I love that. I'm glad, Emmy, you have like your own internal compass and that, Ali, you've let her kind of let go of things that maybe weren't a good fit for her. And we wish you all the Ali Dorfman (15:47) I'm still upset about it, but no kidding. I still wanted that editor of the school newspaper, but maybe in college she'll do that. College Is Fine Podcast (15:50) Ha ha ha. Sarah (15:55) Yeah, hint, College Is Fine Podcast (15:55) ⁓ Okay, well, we need to let this busy junior go get some work done on a snow day and hopefully some time to relax as well at some point. Thank you, Ami, for being on. We really appreciate it. Ali Dorfman (16:04) Yep. Yes. Thank you for having me.