Latest / The You Project / #1951 Tidbits & Titbits - Harps & Tiff

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#1951 Tidbits & Titbits - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I'll get a team. Welcome to another instorm on the show,
0:03
Speaker 1: Tiffany and cooks back. I don't know if you've ever
0:04
Speaker 1: heard of her. She's a pugilist, she's she's the hostess
0:09
Speaker 1: with the mostess. She is the she's the life force.
0:14
Speaker 1: She's the blood that courses through the typ veins but
0:19
Speaker 1: also more importantly on Planet Tiffy Roll with the Punches
0:23
Speaker 1: podcast veins. So she's here, I'm here. It's a Saturday.
0:28
Speaker 1: We thought we'd get together and if you had an
0:32
Speaker 1: idea you wanted to, what do you want to do?
0:35
Speaker 1: Unpack a few things.
0:36
Speaker 2: I thought we'd wheel the whiteboard lessons out, wheel the
0:41
Speaker 2: whiteboard out and drill down on some of these lessons
0:45
Speaker 2: you post.
0:46
Speaker 1: Let's do let's do that, shall we? It's do you know?
0:49
Speaker 1: It's been. It's been a lot of years. It's been.
0:51
Speaker 1: There's a lot of six thousands something whiteboards there.
0:56
Speaker 2: It's the whiteboard University. Now. It is more than just
1:00
Speaker 2: a lesson.
1:01
Speaker 1: It's little life tidbits. It's some of them are silly
1:05
Speaker 1: and some of them are insightful. Some of them are
1:07
Speaker 1: a bit deep and philosophical. Some of them cause a
1:10
Speaker 1: bit of angst with some of the readers. Some people
1:14
Speaker 1: feel compelled to send me I hate your gut, you're
1:17
Speaker 1: a fucking idiot kind of email. Thank you, Brian got
1:19
Speaker 1: all of those. You're welcome. Welcome.
1:23
Speaker 2: Do you know what it's like though, it's similar to
1:25
Speaker 2: it's they're a little bit like Buddhism, whereas they're very
1:29
Speaker 2: simple but very deep depending on the person on the
1:33
Speaker 2: other end of them readings.
1:35
Speaker 1: So it's so, I mean this whole thing of you know,
1:38
Speaker 1: sharing thoughts and ideas and messages and not not me necessarily,
1:42
Speaker 1: but everyone who does that. It's yeah, like with Buddhism,
1:46
Speaker 1: or like little things that are extracted from the Bible
1:49
Speaker 1: or the Koran or the bag of the Vita. If
1:53
Speaker 1: is that the yeah, you know, like they're just a
1:58
Speaker 1: little like in sites, the little lessons, they're little, you know, tidbits,
2:04
Speaker 1: cognitive and emotional or spiritual tidbits. But the funny thing,
2:08
Speaker 1: and you know this is that what resonates with one person,
2:11
Speaker 1: we'll definitely not And then.
2:12
Speaker 2: I always thought it was tit bits, I wrote, I.
2:17
Speaker 1: Think it's tidbits. I don't think it's titbits, but I
2:23
Speaker 1: will stand corrected if and we could call this episode
2:28
Speaker 1: titbits in brackets by tip You're welcome. Yeah, yeah, ha
2:36
Speaker 1: ha ah. That's a funny start. That's a funny start. Yeah.
2:43
Speaker 1: Oh that does make me laugh. All right, So here's
2:47
Speaker 1: what we're going to do. You're going to share something
2:49
Speaker 1: that I wrote. I don't know what's coming, by the way,
2:51
Speaker 1: and I'll share. Also, you share some thoughts and ideas,
2:54
Speaker 1: because like, some of the things that I write that
2:57
Speaker 1: I think are really profound, it's more than it's just
3:00
Speaker 1: really profound for me, and some things. You know, sometimes
3:05
Speaker 1: you'll get a response which is somewhat underwhelming considering the
3:10
Speaker 1: millions of people that look at my shit each month,
3:13
Speaker 1: and you're like, ah, but then I'll write something that's
3:17
Speaker 1: essentially hey, don't be a dick head, and it goes nuts.
3:21
Speaker 1: So there's that, you know, there's that intersection of oh,
3:25
Speaker 1: what's going to work? And you know, like on on
3:29
Speaker 1: social media and on the internet in general, it's like,
3:32
Speaker 1: don't make it too long, make make it catchy, you know,
3:35
Speaker 1: make you know, lots of razzle, dazzle, don't do it
3:37
Speaker 1: post anything longer than twenty seconds. And you know, the
3:41
Speaker 1: longer thing that I the longer than my posts are
3:45
Speaker 1: generally the worse.
3:45
Speaker 2: They go, what do you reckon? Do your number one's been.
3:51
Speaker 1: Theme?
3:52
Speaker 2: Yeah? Or your number one post? The number one thing?
3:55
Speaker 1: I mean I wrote, I literally have put up a post,
3:59
Speaker 1: which you know, and that's the thing. Some of the funny,
4:04
Speaker 1: like so this one got over two million. Of course,
4:07
Speaker 1: life's a shit show, and then it's awesome, and then
4:10
Speaker 1: you're sad and then happy, and then it's lunchtime. Your
4:15
Speaker 1: challenge is not to create a perfect life, but rather
4:17
Speaker 1: to thrive in the inevitable imperfection of it all. And
4:21
Speaker 1: that's kind of a nice intersection of oh, yeah, that's
4:24
Speaker 1: kind of cute, and you know, it's like it's this
4:27
Speaker 1: and that it's like, fuck, life is that? And then
4:30
Speaker 1: the next line and then it's lunchtime, people go, oh,
4:33
Speaker 1: that's kind of a bit amusing. But also the message
4:36
Speaker 1: is that life is all of that. Life is not
4:40
Speaker 1: fun quick, easy. You're painless. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's joyful,
4:45
Speaker 1: sometimes it's hysterical, sometimes it's painful, and like, really, what
4:51
Speaker 1: do we talk what is life? We're just really talking
4:54
Speaker 1: about the peaks and troughs of being a human and
4:57
Speaker 1: the experiences of being a human. So, and as you
5:00
Speaker 1: and I have said, even I think yesterday or the
5:03
Speaker 1: day before on a podcast, we were or some stage
5:06
Speaker 1: talking about you know, Socrates, who was around two and
5:09
Speaker 1: a half thousand years ago, was talking about self awareness.
5:13
Speaker 1: And in twenty twenty five, I'm doing a PhD in
5:16
Speaker 1: self awareness. It's like I've invented fucking nothing. There's nothing
5:21
Speaker 1: that I tell people that's new. I'm just a different
5:24
Speaker 1: bloke who does it a slightly different way. So, and
5:28
Speaker 1: I think that's the thing is it's like I, you know,
5:32
Speaker 1: people who put me on a pedestal, which is not many,
5:34
Speaker 1: just marm and Annie Marge. But like I always say,
5:39
Speaker 1: I'm not the wisdom, Like I'm just the conduit to
5:41
Speaker 1: the wisdom. I didn't invent any of these, you know,
5:44
Speaker 1: I might word it in a way that's a bit amusing,
5:47
Speaker 1: but that insight or that wisdom, or that expression of
5:51
Speaker 1: understanding of the human experience existed long before me. You know,
5:55
Speaker 1: self awareness having an awareness of who you are and
5:58
Speaker 1: how you are and why you are the way you are,
6:01
Speaker 1: which is my obsession. I didn't invent that. I just
6:05
Speaker 1: got bored on board the train that was already moving,
6:08
Speaker 1: you know, cognitive central you know, all right, hit me up.
6:13
Speaker 2: All right, first one at our call. We all want
6:17
Speaker 2: to be wanted, needed, valued, respected, understood, and loved. Problems
6:21
Speaker 2: arise when we seek those things from the wrong people.
6:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't think you go I don't know what
6:27
Speaker 1: I thought you'd go with, but I didn't think that. Yeah,
6:31
Speaker 1: that is interesting. I think sometimes in our effort to
6:33
Speaker 1: belong or to be loved, or to you know, have
6:36
Speaker 1: a person in our life, we will overlook or compromise
6:40
Speaker 1: on a lot of things that in the short term
6:45
Speaker 1: feels like love and connection and all of those things,
6:48
Speaker 1: but over the long term we find out, no, this
6:50
Speaker 1: is really just a form of self destruction because I'm
6:55
Speaker 1: not paying attention to the signs. I'm not the room
7:00
Speaker 1: and I'm letting a And it doesn't necessarily have to
7:04
Speaker 1: be a romance. It could be your boss, it could
7:06
Speaker 1: be a colleague, it could be your sister, it could
7:08
Speaker 1: be your mum, like it could be just any person
7:12
Speaker 1: that's in your life where you so much want to
7:15
Speaker 1: belong and have somebody that cares about you or you
7:20
Speaker 1: feel like cares about you, that you'll put up with
7:23
Speaker 1: a lot of shit that you know and I'm not
7:26
Speaker 1: talking about the regular peaks and troughs of relationships. I'm
7:29
Speaker 1: not talking about that. I'm talking about people who really
7:32
Speaker 1: are toxic. And that's you know, I think I think
7:37
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, it's nice to be nice, but
7:39
Speaker 1: it's not nice to be a doormat. It's good to
7:41
Speaker 1: be kind and empathetic and all of those things and
7:43
Speaker 1: to care about people, but you also need to have
7:48
Speaker 1: the ability to be able to say no, no, that's
7:51
Speaker 1: not okay. So that thing that you said not okay,
7:54
Speaker 1: that way that you treat me not okay. And I
7:58
Speaker 1: know this is complex because of the dynamics of relationships
8:02
Speaker 1: and DV and all of those things. So this is
8:04
Speaker 1: a very complicated area. But I think in general terms,
8:10
Speaker 1: you know, I'd rather two great friends than fifteen or
8:13
Speaker 1: twenty kind of alright, somewhat shit, you know, talk crap
8:18
Speaker 1: about you when you're not around friends.
8:21
Speaker 2: So with that, my question about that post is when
8:25
Speaker 2: for the readers, how often do you think that message
8:29
Speaker 2: is read and absorbed with the intended meaning and message
8:37
Speaker 2: for someone that's in it rather than someone that might
8:40
Speaker 2: be reflecting back.
8:42
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, I mean I think most people kind of
8:47
Speaker 1: get the message. I think sometimes people say to me
8:51
Speaker 1: stuff like oh yeah, Craig, great, yeah, brilliant, not that easy, champ,
8:58
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I completely agree. And by the way,
9:02
Speaker 1: where show me where I said this is easy? Show
9:06
Speaker 1: me where I said this is fun or painless or
9:08
Speaker 1: quick or convenient. Of course, it's fucking hard, Like this
9:13
Speaker 1: stuff is real hard and real horrible sometimes. And I
9:18
Speaker 1: think the first part of getting out of toxic relationships
9:21
Speaker 1: or situations or things which are not good for your
9:25
Speaker 1: mental or emotional health broadly speaking, is to be able
9:29
Speaker 1: to recognize it, acknowledge it. And then maybe you're not
9:33
Speaker 1: going to fix it, change it or turn it around instantly.
9:35
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a work in progress. But yeah, I think
9:40
Speaker 1: that the start of anything, like the start of any
9:42
Speaker 1: positive change that you want to make in life, whether
9:44
Speaker 1: it's get fit, get healthy, get out of a toxic relationship,
9:47
Speaker 1: stop spending money that you don't need to spend, Stop
9:51
Speaker 1: stop putting yourself in debt unnecessarily, you know, start a business,
9:57
Speaker 1: get a you know, get yourself in a different situation.
10:00
Speaker 1: All of those things. It starts with with us saying, look,
10:04
Speaker 1: I need to do this, I don't know how to
10:06
Speaker 1: do it. Yet I don't know when I'll do it.
10:08
Speaker 1: I'm scared, and I'm all of this stuff, and but
10:12
Speaker 1: all of that's all right, But but doing nothing is
10:16
Speaker 1: never the answer.
10:18
Speaker 2: Ready for the next one, I'm ready, Remember, one can
10:24
Speaker 2: see the look on your face. You look like gout
10:27
Speaker 2: gout at the start line.
10:30
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. He goes all right, doesn't he?
10:32
Speaker 2: He does.
10:33
Speaker 3: He makes me look like a fucking fungus at the
10:37
Speaker 3: bottom of a plant. Is full, is quick, He's quick.
10:46
Speaker 1: Hit me up, butter Cup.
10:48
Speaker 2: When I obsess about the past that I can't change
10:50
Speaker 2: and stress about the future that doesn't exist, yet, I
10:53
Speaker 2: miss out on the beauty of the present, the place
10:56
Speaker 2: I exist.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is this is one of those kind of
11:00
Speaker 1: toll Buddhist Eastern philosophy, you know, one of those very philosophical,
11:08
Speaker 1: spiritual kind of constructs. And so when we think about
11:13
Speaker 1: the past, like when we think about last Wednesday, when
11:17
Speaker 1: last Wednesday, when we were in the middle of last Wednesday,
11:20
Speaker 1: we were in the middle of what was then the present,
11:24
Speaker 1: like the present moment last Wednesday at twelve o'clock, whatever
11:29
Speaker 1: you were doing, whatever I was doing at midday at
11:31
Speaker 1: that moment in time for me, it was now. At
11:33
Speaker 1: that moment, it was now for you, and then when
11:36
Speaker 1: it was one o'clock, it was still now, and then
11:39
Speaker 1: when it was you know, yesterday at midday, it was
11:42
Speaker 1: still now. Like life is a series of now moments.
11:45
Speaker 1: You can never live live being a present tense verb.
11:50
Speaker 1: You can never live in the past. You can never
11:53
Speaker 1: change the past, you can never live in the future.
11:57
Speaker 1: When next Wednesday comes around, which we call the future,
12:01
Speaker 1: as we are today on Saturday afternoon. In the context
12:05
Speaker 1: of this moment, next Wednesday is the future. But we
12:09
Speaker 1: can't live in next Wednesday yet because we're in Saturday afternoon.
12:12
Speaker 1: So when Wednesday comes around, it's just another installment of now.
12:17
Speaker 1: Which is not to say that the past, what we
12:23
Speaker 1: now refer to as the past, can't affect us in
12:26
Speaker 1: the present. It can. People get a bit confused with this.
12:30
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that what happened in the past won't
12:33
Speaker 1: affect you. Of course it will, you know, trauma, anxiety,
12:37
Speaker 1: all of those experiences. We absolutely get it. And I'm
12:41
Speaker 1: not being disrespectful or thoughtless when I say, but there's
12:44
Speaker 1: nothing that happened that we can change. Can we change
12:51
Speaker 1: how that impacts us in the moment. Yes, can we
12:55
Speaker 1: change our dialogue around an experience with and of that thing,
13:00
Speaker 1: Yes we can with therapy of all different kinds. But
13:04
Speaker 1: the thing that happened happened, so and the thing that's
13:08
Speaker 1: going to happen next week is going to happen next week.
13:11
Speaker 1: And so it's not that we don't care about the
13:14
Speaker 1: past or the future. It's not that we shouldn't consider
13:16
Speaker 1: the past or learn from the past. It's not that
13:19
Speaker 1: we shouldn't think about the future or plan for the
13:23
Speaker 1: future based on what we now know. It's just that
13:28
Speaker 1: we can only ever be in the present moment. And
13:31
Speaker 1: that's why I have such a gratitude for like right now,
13:34
Speaker 1: three twenty seven on a Saturday, Like, I'm never going
13:37
Speaker 1: to have the twenty sixth of July twenty twenty five
13:42
Speaker 1: at three twenty seven ever again in my life. And
13:45
Speaker 1: I know this is deep and philosophical, and twenty percent
13:48
Speaker 1: of the listeners are like, go harps, this is fucking amazing,
13:50
Speaker 1: and eighty percent like sharp a fuck up, tell a
13:53
Speaker 1: dick joke, right, But I mean, this is my point.
13:58
Speaker 1: We are always aligned with the familiarity of time, you know,
14:04
Speaker 1: fourteen hundred and forty minutes in a day. You know,
14:06
Speaker 1: you and I have had lots of Saturdays, but we've
14:08
Speaker 1: never had this Saturday. And there'll come a day where
14:12
Speaker 1: it's your last day. It's your last day. And if
14:15
Speaker 1: someone said to you, tif today's your last day, but
14:20
Speaker 1: if you give me all the shit that you have,
14:22
Speaker 1: you can have ten more days, you'd go take my shit, right,
14:26
Speaker 1: Probably depending on that if you're in extreme agony or that,
14:29
Speaker 1: probably not. But you know what I'm saying. And so
14:33
Speaker 1: what's more important your things all your life? Well, it's
14:36
Speaker 1: a no brainer. What's more important how you look or
14:39
Speaker 1: your life? What's more important what people think you or
14:41
Speaker 1: your life? Right? Nonetheless, we are so obsessed with all
14:45
Speaker 1: of the things that ultimately only matter because we think
14:48
Speaker 1: they matter, and so my and when you think something matters,
14:54
Speaker 1: By the way, this is not judgmental, because I'm exactly
14:56
Speaker 1: the same. If I think connection and love and co
15:00
Speaker 1: passion and kindness and service really matter, then that's my experience.
15:06
Speaker 1: If I think what people think my motorbike collection really matters,
15:10
Speaker 1: then that's what really matters to me. Until something happens
15:15
Speaker 1: and I have a paradigm shift and I go, oh,
15:18
Speaker 1: this shit is pointless because what I really need is
15:22
Speaker 1: I need emotional and spiritual and social and intimate connection
15:27
Speaker 1: with people that love me and I love That's it.
15:31
Speaker 2: Well, what's your experience with how long it took or
15:36
Speaker 2: takes or how often it happens that you can take
15:39
Speaker 2: these moments of introspection and perspective, because I know I
15:45
Speaker 2: can experience them and have them, and they're like epiphanies
15:47
Speaker 2: and it's like, fuck, I'll put that on a bloody
15:49
Speaker 2: tile and put it out to the world. But how
15:53
Speaker 2: easy is it then for that to start integrating into
15:57
Speaker 2: just how you call it, equanimity alive? How you just
16:01
Speaker 2: show up in that moment often? How often do you
16:04
Speaker 2: stay there? And how often do you get pulled back?
16:08
Speaker 1: That was a great question because all of us have
16:13
Speaker 1: self interest, all of us have ego, all of us
16:16
Speaker 1: like comfort, all of us like convenience, all of these things,
16:20
Speaker 1: and me included, maybe me the most. It is to
16:28
Speaker 1: live in alignment with your values, to really not while
16:31
Speaker 1: people are looking, not while you know you're videoing your
16:34
Speaker 1: fucking self on Instagram to get some kind of you know, accolades,
16:39
Speaker 1: Oh look at me being humble and just helping people
16:42
Speaker 1: while I've got a fucking camera crew following me. That's
16:44
Speaker 1: not service, that's ego. Right Have I ever done well?
16:48
Speaker 1: Not that I've never done that, but have I ever
16:50
Speaker 1: done shit out of ego? While kind of thinking I was, yes,
16:53
Speaker 1: of course I have right. This is you know, personal development,
16:58
Speaker 1: real growth, real and deconstructing and reconstructing. Let's say you
17:04
Speaker 1: as a person. It's just fucking hard. It's not it's hard,
17:08
Speaker 1: and it's ongoing. But I think a great way to
17:12
Speaker 1: stay closer to that space that we're talking about. Tiffany
17:15
Speaker 1: and Cook is two. But do it, don't go And
17:21
Speaker 1: I mean you, I mean all of us, you me.
17:23
Speaker 1: I do it every day. I truly do it every
17:27
Speaker 1: well unless I forget, but I would say three hundred
17:30
Speaker 1: and sixty days of the year. I have little practice.
17:32
Speaker 1: And my practice is what are three things that I'm
17:34
Speaker 1: super grateful for? And I do it when I sit
17:37
Speaker 1: at the coffee table in the morning. And sometimes it's
17:42
Speaker 1: the same things. And sometimes it's that I can walk,
17:45
Speaker 1: Sometimes that Dad's alive. Sometimes it's that it's that the
17:50
Speaker 1: crabs alive. That you know, my mate died in the
17:54
Speaker 1: gym and now he's not dead. Like I'm saying, and
17:56
Speaker 1: it's like I'm going to his sixtieth birthday tonight. It
18:00
Speaker 1: was a very very big possibility. He wasn't going to
18:03
Speaker 1: have a fifty fifth birthday, lit alone a sixtieth. And
18:06
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful. And if you said to me or so,
18:09
Speaker 1: if God came down and went, hey, Craig, the crab
18:13
Speaker 1: can live for ten more years. But in or he's
18:16
Speaker 1: going to die tomorrow. But in order of for him
18:19
Speaker 1: to live ten more years, you've got to give me
18:21
Speaker 1: everything that you own. I'm like, take it, God, not
18:24
Speaker 1: a problem. I can get more shit. I can't get him.
18:27
Speaker 1: I can't get another hymn right, And people go, yeah,
18:30
Speaker 1: sure you would. I think you know me pretty well. Like,
18:34
Speaker 1: by the way, do I want to lose all my shit?
18:36
Speaker 1: Definitely not. I like my shit.
18:40
Speaker 2: Jackon, he'd let you at least keep one of the motorbikes,
18:43
Speaker 2: because God's a pretty good dude.
18:45
Speaker 1: But you know what, yeah, well yeah, I mean yeah.
18:49
Speaker 1: The thing is that it's just like self help personal growth.
18:52
Speaker 1: It's not glamorous. It's not it's like, you know, even
18:57
Speaker 1: whether or not you believe the Bible or but even
19:00
Speaker 1: you know, so jesus right hand man was Peter right,
19:06
Speaker 1: who allegedly was the first pope. Kind of well, one
19:10
Speaker 1: day Jesus was hanging out with some people and I
19:13
Speaker 1: think it was a soldier that approached him and tried
19:15
Speaker 1: to grab him. Peter, who was like top dog number
19:20
Speaker 1: one apostle, got his sword out and cut off old
19:23
Speaker 1: mate's ear. So you know, everyone's a work in progress.
19:29
Speaker 1: You know, it's like, yeah, of course he lost his
19:31
Speaker 1: shit and Jesus turned him in saith, don't lose thou
19:36
Speaker 1: shittest pete or something like that. I might have the
19:40
Speaker 1: scripture wrong, you know. There's another scripture that actually says
19:44
Speaker 1: don't add to the scriptures, which I just did. So
19:46
Speaker 1: I apologize God and everyone else. But yeah, I this
19:51
Speaker 1: and for me, like these little whiteboards or tiles as
19:55
Speaker 1: you call them, they're just a really a fun way
19:59
Speaker 1: to share thoughts ideas. But have you got another one?
20:01
Speaker 1: Are you ready to go? Yeah? I got to another
20:03
Speaker 1: one in the spot.
20:04
Speaker 2: I'm locked and loaded. Are you ready?
20:06
Speaker 1: I'm ready? Does?
20:07
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of people will see this
20:09
Speaker 2: one from you and be like, well, that's a bit
20:10
Speaker 2: of a red herring from Harts. Next time someone compliments.
20:14
Speaker 2: You don't dismiss it, don't put yourself down, don't point
20:17
Speaker 2: out the flaws, and don't turn positive into another moment
20:20
Speaker 2: of self loading. Instead, just say thanks.
20:24
Speaker 1: Well, we all do that, but as you quite rightly
20:27
Speaker 1: point out, I do that about me. I am a
20:30
Speaker 1: work in progress on this for me, it is And
20:34
Speaker 1: so are you kind of highlighting the fact that I
20:36
Speaker 1: put myself down a fair bit?
20:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.
20:41
Speaker 1: So yeah. I know I've got to work on this.
20:44
Speaker 1: I because and you and I said this on your
20:47
Speaker 1: podcast recently, and what I think I want people to
20:50
Speaker 1: know that when I say this, I'm not being disingenuous.
20:53
Speaker 1: When I say I don't think highly of me, it
20:56
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I think I'm a piece of shit, right,
21:00
Speaker 1: But I don't think I'm a genius. I don't think
21:02
Speaker 1: I'm a gift to the world. I don't think any
21:04
Speaker 1: of that shit, right. But I'm so grateful for where
21:08
Speaker 1: I am and what I have and what I get
21:10
Speaker 1: to do. And I probably need to do a deep
21:16
Speaker 1: dive on the origin story of that, like what is
21:19
Speaker 1: that about? But if somebody said to you, harps is awesome,
21:23
Speaker 1: and you told me that, I would like that, but
21:25
Speaker 1: if somebody says that to my face, I don't. It's
21:28
Speaker 1: not that I don't like it, I'm uncomfortable with it.
21:31
Speaker 1: So but yeah, I need to be better at that.
21:34
Speaker 1: I'm no good at that. I'm better than I used
21:36
Speaker 1: to be most times when someone like you can see
21:40
Speaker 1: when someone writes a really nice compliment, these days, I
21:44
Speaker 1: just say thank you and I put a little heart,
21:46
Speaker 1: you know, I don't try to talk them out of
21:49
Speaker 1: my awesomeness.
21:51
Speaker 2: What's your relationship with your feelings, as in, do you
21:56
Speaker 2: feel like they are an integral part of you and
22:00
Speaker 2: who you are? Because there's that separation of being reactive,
22:06
Speaker 2: like we have to have this relationship with how we
22:08
Speaker 2: feel and having an objective view on what's happening and
22:13
Speaker 2: why we feel a certain way. How do you manage that?
22:15
Speaker 1: Or yeah, okay, So so we have feelings but we're
22:22
Speaker 1: not feelings. We have thoughts but we're not thoughts. We
22:25
Speaker 1: have a body, but we're not a body, right, it's
22:27
Speaker 1: these are experiences and like, the funny thing is when
22:31
Speaker 1: it comes to emotions feelings, I can feel unworthy while
22:39
Speaker 1: knowing that's not true. Yeah, right, So there's the logical
22:46
Speaker 1: critical thinking brain, the awareness that will Craig, you've done
22:50
Speaker 1: this quite a few times and you've got a lot
22:52
Speaker 1: of You've got way more positive than negative feedback. You know,
22:55
Speaker 1: as a let's say, corporate speaker, you're you're all right,
23:00
Speaker 1: You're not terrible. But I could get up there and
23:03
Speaker 1: feel like not good enough on the day, or I
23:06
Speaker 1: just acknowledge those things for what they are, especially when
23:10
Speaker 1: it's that super self loathing stuff. But so it's not
23:15
Speaker 1: always the same response. I might be in a situation
23:18
Speaker 1: where I feel some low level fear or anxiety, and
23:22
Speaker 1: I think sometimes that's my subconscious mind that knows something
23:27
Speaker 1: that my prefrontal cortex hasn't become aware of yet, or
23:34
Speaker 1: whatever intuition, instinct, god, divine awareness, whatever you want to
23:41
Speaker 1: call it. I mean, yeah, I've had so many of
23:45
Speaker 1: those things in my life where it seems like psychobabb
23:50
Speaker 1: or bullshit. And especially someone who's literally studying the brain
23:53
Speaker 1: in the mind, I know it doesn't make sense in
23:58
Speaker 1: inverted commas sometimes, but it's like, well, you know, when
24:01
Speaker 1: we and we've said this, I've said this before, but
24:04
Speaker 1: when I say makes sense, then you go well to
24:07
Speaker 1: who you know, if you spoke to people two hundred
24:10
Speaker 1: years ago about the possibility of three hundred people being
24:13
Speaker 1: in a metal tube hurtling across the sky landing in
24:17
Speaker 1: another country. They would go, that's irrational, that's illogical, that
24:22
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. There's something wrong with you. We're going
24:25
Speaker 1: to burn you at the stake, right like, because that's
24:30
Speaker 1: completely in you know, eighteen twenty five, two hundred years ago,
24:35
Speaker 1: the idea, Oh, it's fucking ridiculous. It's impossible because you know,
24:40
Speaker 1: how much does that weigh? Are hundreds of tons? Well? No,
24:46
Speaker 1: you know, the idea of you being in one part
24:48
Speaker 1: of the world like you are right now, me being
24:50
Speaker 1: in another part of the world. We're looking at each
24:53
Speaker 1: other and talking to each other while not being physically
24:57
Speaker 1: near each other. Also, well that's illogical, you know. So yeah,
25:03
Speaker 1: I just think that there's so much more that we
25:08
Speaker 1: can tap into an access but our overthinking brain gets
25:15
Speaker 1: in the way. And I think also we not all
25:18
Speaker 1: the time, but I think quite often we confuse the
25:22
Speaker 1: rational brain with the fearful brain. You know, it's like, oh,
25:27
Speaker 1: this doesn't make sense to me, this scares me a bit,
25:29
Speaker 1: so it must be bullshit, and I need to criticize
25:33
Speaker 1: it versus I don't know if that's real. I don't know.
25:38
Speaker 1: It could be, it might not be. I don't know.
25:41
Speaker 1: Based on what I understand, which, let's be honest, is
25:45
Speaker 1: in an ocean of what there is to know. I
25:47
Speaker 1: have a fucking drop, right, you know, My knowledge is
25:51
Speaker 1: a drop of water in an ocean of what there
25:54
Speaker 1: is to know. But I'm looking through the lens of
25:57
Speaker 1: that drop of water. I'm the drop of water. I'm
26:00
Speaker 1: not the ocean. So of course I don't know nearly everything.
26:05
Speaker 2: It really highlights how hard it is to be human
26:09
Speaker 2: and to try and get better in this space, because
26:13
Speaker 2: you know, I ask you about feelings and how do
26:17
Speaker 2: we separate from those feelings that aren't true, that are
26:20
Speaker 2: in the way and get and make them not a
26:23
Speaker 2: part of our identity. They're kind of this separate thing
26:25
Speaker 2: to us. But then also on the other side, you
26:30
Speaker 2: talk about intuition and go, well, okay, so here's an experience.
26:34
Speaker 2: It's not great. You need to not you know, just
26:36
Speaker 2: that's not part of you. You need to put it
26:37
Speaker 2: over in a box and carry on and be okay.
26:41
Speaker 2: And then over here we've got intuition that's good for you.
26:44
Speaker 2: It's got no explanation, and this is a lesson for
26:47
Speaker 2: you in your world. Out you go and know the
26:49
Speaker 2: difference and live your life.
26:51
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, and I mean this is this is
26:53
Speaker 1: the ongoing you know. Not too many years ago, scientists
26:58
Speaker 1: were saying nobody could run a four minute it was
27:00
Speaker 1: physiologically impossible for a human to run that fast, right,
27:04
Speaker 1: And what's funny is when Roger Banister did that for
27:08
Speaker 1: the first time, I think it was in nine to
27:11
Speaker 1: fifty four. I could be wrong, but it was in
27:13
Speaker 1: the fifties, Like it was a widely held belief that
27:16
Speaker 1: it was physiologically impossible, and a lot of people ran
27:19
Speaker 1: like four zho one point one four minutes and half
27:23
Speaker 1: a second, Like there was a myriad of people who
27:26
Speaker 1: ran within two seconds, but nobody had ever done it.
27:31
Speaker 1: Now when he did it, and he ran I think
27:33
Speaker 1: like three point fifty nine to four within six months,
27:37
Speaker 1: like my mum and her friends from school did it,
27:40
Speaker 1: I mean it was like, you know, like something like
27:45
Speaker 1: ten people did it. Because all of a sudden, Mary
27:50
Speaker 1: was pretty quick over the first Mary is pretty quick
27:53
Speaker 1: over the first four but she could only do it
27:55
Speaker 1: with a shopping trolley. That was the that's why she
27:58
Speaker 1: didn't get the record, but insensible shoes. But what happened, well,
28:10
Speaker 1: of course, bodies didn't change, humans didn't get more potential.
28:15
Speaker 1: What happened was, all of a sudden, everybody knew that
28:18
Speaker 1: it was possible. Everybody knew, Oh, so now it's illogical,
28:24
Speaker 1: it's irrational, it's impossible, and boom, something happens. Then all
28:28
Speaker 1: of a sudden, everyone has evidence. Now, so the thing
28:31
Speaker 1: that was illogical and not possible last week, now we
28:35
Speaker 1: know it's possible. We know it's possible. And then all
28:39
Speaker 1: of a sudden, these other runners achieved the same thing.
28:42
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's I mean, the you know, the mind
28:46
Speaker 1: is incredible, but also what's beyond the mind, Like we
28:50
Speaker 1: don't and that's the thing we don't know, but it
28:52
Speaker 1: freaks It can freak humans out to go, oh, there's
28:56
Speaker 1: you know, because we like to think the mind is
28:59
Speaker 1: all there is in terms of comprehending the world and
29:02
Speaker 1: human behavior, and but I'm pretty positive that there's wisdom
29:07
Speaker 1: and insight and intelligence that definitely exists beyond fucking Fatty
29:13
Speaker 1: Harps's brain and mind. Let's do one quick one then.
29:18
Speaker 2: This one's titled The Saddest shit ever. Trying to get
29:21
Speaker 2: people to like you as the saddest shit ever. Live
29:25
Speaker 2: your values, invest your energy wisely, don't be a selfish coconut,
29:29
Speaker 2: and see who hangs around.
29:31
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm glad you changed that word there. Yeah. Look,
29:35
Speaker 1: I think like wanting to be needed and liked and
29:38
Speaker 1: valued and loved and to belong one hundred percent understandable
29:41
Speaker 1: and normal and healthy and human. I want that. I
29:45
Speaker 1: want that. You want that. Nobody wants to be alone
29:48
Speaker 1: or isolated or you know, unwelcome more. But I think
29:53
Speaker 1: you know there can when when the price to pay
29:56
Speaker 1: to belong to that person or that group or that whatever,
30:00
Speaker 1: that thought cult, that religious cult, when the price to
30:03
Speaker 1: pay is that you've got to essentially not be the
30:06
Speaker 1: true version of you, and you've got to align and
30:09
Speaker 1: you've got to think what they think and say what
30:11
Speaker 1: they say, and have their same values and language and behavior,
30:15
Speaker 1: and then you're actually losing yourself to become a version
30:19
Speaker 1: of them. And that is the saddest shit ever. It's like,
30:23
Speaker 1: I think it's not the best model, perhaps, but I
30:26
Speaker 1: think a pretty good model is what are the things
30:29
Speaker 1: that are really important to you, also known as your values,
30:33
Speaker 1: Identify your values, then try and build a life around that. Habits, behaviors, choices,
30:40
Speaker 1: lifestyle relationships, build an existence around those values, and you're
30:46
Speaker 1: probably going to be in a better place than the
30:48
Speaker 1: person who's always trying to be liked. You know, if
30:53
Speaker 1: we've got to go because I've got a meeting. But
30:55
Speaker 1: it's been great, Thanks so much.
30:58
Speaker 2: Thanks almost, doctor Harper.
31:00
Speaker 1: Let's talk soon, all right, Thanks