Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Parenting When Life Throws You a Curveball w/Melinda Poling

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Parenting When Life Throws You a Curveball w/Melinda Poling · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-A education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm talking with Melinda Poling about parenting when life throws you a curveball.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Melinda is a ministry team leader in her church, an active apologetics coach, speaker, pastor's wife, author, and the mother of eight sons and one daughter and seven grandchildren.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Melinda is a regular guest on Five Minute Parenting, and her topic today piggybacks onto her last episode, number 116, where she shared the with me approach to parenting.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So be sure to check that one out as well.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Melinda, welcome back to the show.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: So the last time you were here, you shared about the power of the with me parenting strategy and the blessings you've encountered through that approach.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Today you're taking us down a different path.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to be sharing the, you know, the sometimes hard realities of parenting, or as you titled it, parenting when life throws you a curveball.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So please begin by sharing with our audience just what you mean by that.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, parenting when life throws you a curveball, sometimes life seems smooth and going, and sometimes it's just like, what in the world just happened?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And uh in Proverbs 14:1, it talks about how a wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that who I can be without Christ's help in my life.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I just am my today's encouragement is to help us to be in Christ, um, having him strengthen us no matter what's going on.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: So these are a few tips that these are things that that I've learned and I'm trying to press into still.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: But how do we build our homes and not tear them down during complicated or even traumatic times?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my recommendation is to slim down everything that you can, any anything external that isn't immediate to feeding the family and nurturing the family, um, your own soul.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, maybe those closest to you that are going through a similar trial.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna give some examples, stuff we may have talked about in past podcasts.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not quite sure.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: But um my dad had a stroke when he was age 54, and he was in a coma in the hospital for a full month.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: And it we we traveled there almost every day to see him because we really didn't know if he was gonna live or not.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and he did come out of that coma and he went to rehab and then he came to live with us, and that was uh an amazing time.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: He was not a Christian, we were praying regularly.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what does this look like?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Do we have the ability to do this?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like everything external to what we were currently doing had to go on hold just so we could focus on him.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: We I do remember having the kids pack their math and we would, as we would drive, we would have them do what they could.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but everything was just like slimmed down.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: So we do homeschool, and that that allowed us to do what we did at that time.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then when my stepdad several years later, the dad you know, he raised me from the time I was three.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: When he got cancer, they he and my mom lived like five hours south of us.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was it was a concerted effort to get down there and help care for him and to give my mom a little rest from the caregiving.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the Lord allowed us to do that.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And and so, but today's focus isn't so much doing that as much as how do we keep our own self afloat?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: How do we keep our family afloat?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: How do we keep relationships strong when we're going through anything that's chaotic?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um and one of those recommendations is actually my encouragement is to have a pattern that's sustainable even before life throws you a curveball.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: So in our household, because we had nine children, they're not all at home now.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: We're just down to three that are at home.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Six are married, and we've got grandkids here and on the way.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: But we had a pattern that we took an hour to rest in, I'd say the middle of the day, but for us it was like four to five o'clock.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Just everyone, you either read a book, you just find some quiet place in the house.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if I was the season I needed a nap, that's when I napped.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: If young ones needed a nap, that's when they would nap.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And even though the kids don't need naps anymore, we still call that quiet time.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So we schedule our day around that just so you know if if it's just kind of a pattern we've developed, but allows us when we get that 8 p.m.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: phone call that somebody's in the hospital, my husband's a pastor.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you're running to meet a need that you're you're refreshed.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: You're not just like running on fumes at every moment.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: That there you've you have these patterns, and if you have to skip them, you can, but they tend to uh refresh a person.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, for me, I find a lot of um strength in just going for a walk.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: There were when the kids were all really little, there was a particular time of the morning.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted everybody ready and by the door, and we'd get the baby in the stroller and the toddler, and one would hang on to the left side and one would hang on to the right, and we just walk.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And that was so refreshing.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the first five, 10 minutes, I just we're just gonna be quiet.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then I found maybe they wanted to talk, maybe they didn't, maybe they were just enjoying the quiet of the outdoors, but it just allowed us to get past the chaos of what it takes to get out the door.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but to this day, that's how I refresh.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: I go for an early morning walk and I talk with the Lord.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Very invigorating.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: I know everyone has a different form of exercise.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: I want to encourage you if you're going through a really stressful time, don't take yourself to the brink in the exercise world.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Do exercise, get your blood flowing, do something that's calming and refreshing.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, keep regular patterns of eating and sleeping.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to get jet legged because nothing makes you feel more off than your body rhythm being off.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you have the luxury to soak in an Epsom salts bath, I know that sounds so luxurious, but I have been through health issues to where if I just got a drop of milk, my body would hit a fever.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: It just did not operate well at all.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: And here I had all these kiddos at home.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so being able to just kind of try and live with enough order to where, in an you know, an urgent situation, I just say, excuse me, I I need to go take 15, 20 minutes to just go um either lay down or go get an Epsom salts bath.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like that, that's not daily activity with little ones, but it there are times that it you just you have to reset.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that that my body was demanding that at that time.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: So our kids have had to grow up with some understanding and and you know, um, I always want them to be safe.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be like, yeah, they could be burning the house down and I'm getting my best, you know, just putting older ones in charge of younger ones or planning it around a nap time or something like that, where your body may need maintenance.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it feels like there's times where our body needs maintenance or our kids' bodies may need maintenance, and it's easy to get all about the kids and making sure they're healthy and mom's completely at a fray.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I would interject, I don't mean to interrupt you here, but I also think that can be a per very powerful example to our kids, you know, about them taking care of themselves as they get older to creating these habits.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes it feels selfish, maybe in the moment, but it is setting a good example.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I believe you're that is true.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's fun to see the kids now, our adult sons taking good care of their health and their families and so on.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we've had a son with a memory issue, and uh, you know, he'd have dark circles under his eyes, or he couldn't remember basic things.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'd hand him the washcloths that go in the laundry room, it's his tour he does every day, a couple times a day, you know, taking things away.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd hand him to him and he'd get part way there and he'd come back, he'd say, What was I supposed to do?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Oh, honey, my heart would just break for him.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you you're okay.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And he had had a concussion, um, which played into that.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so just trying to figure out, okay, how do I care for this one that is, you know, the doctors were giving some help, but not really what was needed.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so we just cried out to the Lord, and and I didn't hear an audible voice, but the Lord brought a friend into my life who was a nurse and was studying brain pathways and healing.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And she was able to counsel me and diet and just different things that were it would be helpful for him for his body to just focus on the healing that it needed, you know, just severely cutting any screen time and limiting stimulus.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: And he's back, you know, he's he's still struggles some, but he's not in the same way that he was.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm really grateful for that.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So we face these trials and I'm just gonna list out some really basic things of like praying and reading your Bible, but sometimes when we're in a deep crisis, we it's hard to even feed ourselves.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so in that case, I want to encourage um maybe there's a podcast that really pours into your spirit, and they're unpacking those those truths for you.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: You want to surround yourself with those who are thriving in Jesus because they're gonna speak life when you need to hear life.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I love this verse that's in Job 16, 20 and 21.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: It says, My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God, and he contends with God on my behalf, on behalf of man, as a man pleads for his friend.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: So he's um kind of depending on some prayers of his friends.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't have the best of friends, as we learn in the book of Job, but um to to um surround ourselves with people who speak life is important in any season of life, but especially if we're in crisis.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then in First Thessalonians 5:18, it says, and all things give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And what that speaks to me is um that we want to give thanks whatever is coming our direction.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: We're giving thanks to the Lord, saying, I trust you have our good in mind and you haven't forgotten me.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I am praising you because that that's what God takes notice of, right?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: His everyday looking to eyes to and fro throughout the face of the whole earth to show himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to him.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: So in Psalm 9, 1, it says, I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just speaking with a friend who's going through a really, really difficult time.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I was trying to do a lot of listening and a lot of just um active listening.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And at a certain point, she mentioned, you know, how she would rather have her trial than other trials and she by comparison.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it should it was like she was she'd hit bottom and she was coming to the top, and she she was speaking truth in her heart about about her own tough circumstances.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like God, God is good.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: I I would rather have this trial than another trial and and the reasons why.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, she was able to do that because there's been patterns of giving thanks, patterns of reviewing God's goodness.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And anyway, the way I would like to close is by talking about maybe you're not in a chaotic tough season right now, um, but you're still faithfully tending your life choices, your time with God, you're being purposeful in your marriage, you're training your children well so they're ready for anything.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's so important because tough times do come and we want to be ready for them.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: We're soldiers of Christ, and we want to um we want to know, we want to have remember who we're looking to.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: He is good and he he he does good to his people, he does all things well.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, amen.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: God is good.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Melinda, thank you for sharing today.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's always a pleasure to have you on.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, before we close, is there anything else you'd like to share with listeners?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, tell us what's new in your life and the best place to find you online.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I do have a book for children ages eight to twelve um that's free on my website.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: You can find it at melindapoling.com.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's one L P O L I N G.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So melindapolling.com.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I send out a newsletter because I I recognize who I'm mostly writing to are moms.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I want to encourage people in their walk, like just with whatever the Lord's growing me, and that's what I write about once a month.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and you would get that newsletter if you sign up there.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: But in addition to the newsletter, you would get a book that's about a young, a 12-year-old boy who is asked to go help at his uncle's farm.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: And he's not told until he is nearly arrived at the farm that there's a floating fruit problem.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's helium farm, and he has to solve the mystery of why is the fruit floating before he can return for his championship game.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's not there's so much, so much going on in that book, um, constant swirls of uh activity and challenges and things that Blake needs to pray through and figure out, and his own life deepens in Christ as he looks beyond himself for the answers.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think you'll find a lot in that book that kids would enjoy.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, listeners, thank you for joining us.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to check the show notes for links to Melinda's website, follow her on social media too.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was just seeing something you posted the other day, Melinda.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're you really um have a heart for encouragement, and I appreciate that.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and yes, sign up for her newsletter, listeners, check out her book and resources, and be sure to like and subscribe to Five Minute Parenting so you never miss an episode.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, have a blessed week.