Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 41: Identity vs. Roles: Who Are You When No One Needs Anything From You?

Transcript

Episode 41: Identity vs. Roles: Who Are You When No One Needs Anything From You? · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  i'm Christina.
• 0:01
  And I'm t and this is the Pretty and Pink Again podcast where Motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:16
  Hi.
• 0:17
  Hi.
• 0:17
  How are you?
• 0:18
  Fresh off a Thanksgiving?
• 0:20
  Yeah.
• 0:21
  How was your weekend?
• 0:22
  I haven't seen you.
• 0:23
  I know.
• 0:23
  It was good.
• 0:24
  It was, we had a really nice like low key Thanksgiving with my side of the family.
• 0:30
  So it was the kids and I do my annual girls night the night before.
• 0:35
  I'm still.
• 0:36
  39 going out the night before Thanksgiving.
• 0:39
  Good for you.
• 0:39
  And I am loud and proud of it.
• 0:41
  Your mom doesn't scold you that you don't help her the night before, get ready for the Absolutely.
• 0:44
  She encourages me to go out because this has been, this is a tradition and Yeah, it's, I actually posted something about it because there's a lot of, like funny chatter about like staying in the night before Thanksgiving or the transition where you're like, I don't wanna go out anymore the night before Thanksgiving, but my girlfriends and I like, of course, we don't wanna go out either, but we make it a priority to go out because we're like, if we don't keep this tradition, it almost feels like a letdown.
• 1:11
  We're like, this is about us.
• 1:12
  It's bigger than us.
• 1:13
  So everybody comes home for the holiday.
• 1:15
  Yeah.
• 1:15
  We have like a small group and stays over.
• 1:16
  Yeah.
• 1:16
  We have a small group.
• 1:17
  We come home and we see each other for the night before Thanksgiving.
• 1:21
  We've been doing it for 20 years and so it's more I said this on Instagram, but it went from sneaking into bars to bar hopping all night to like getting in so late to being so hung over the next day to a dinner.
• 1:35
  And then now it's like we had a reservation at five 30.
• 1:39
  We were literally like, were you home late?
• 1:41
  We, no, I literally was home by nine.
• 1:43
  Like I was like, oh, so you were home.
• 1:44
  Really?
• 1:44
  Yeah.
• 1:44
  So we, yeah.
• 1:44
  So it's we have tailored it a little bit to fit our lifestyles to the early for dinner.
• 1:49
  We don't miss it.
• 1:50
  We don't miss it.
• 1:51
  But yeah.
• 1:52
  What about you?
• 1:53
  How was your Thanksgiving?
• 1:53
  You were away.
• 1:54
  It was good.
• 1:54
  Yeah.
• 1:55
  So we have a tradition now.
• 1:56
  We go away the week before Thanksgiving.
• 1:58
  Because Nick's office is closed Thursday, Friday.
• 2:01
  So he just has to take off a few days of work and we go away for the week.
• 2:05
  So we've been taking the kids away since we had kids that week.
• 2:08
  So we go, usually we go to The Bahamas.
• 2:10
  So we had a great week away.
• 2:12
  We had good weather, fun.
• 2:13
  It was fun to get away.
• 2:14
  I love the Baja Mar, like I think it's a great, it's where we met place.
• 2:17
  Yeah.
• 2:18
  I think it's a great place to take your family.
• 2:19
  It's so I know.
• 2:20
  It is.
• 2:20
  It's so great.
• 2:21
  I cannot wait to bring the kids back there.
• 2:22
  And I'm very well aware that there are other places to go to.
• 2:25
  I would appreciate recommendations, but I just love this one.
• 2:27
  It's such a quick flight.
• 2:29
  Yep.
• 2:29
  It's so easy.
• 2:30
  So we did that and then we flew.
• 2:33
  Into New Jersey.
• 2:35
  'cause my in-laws, that's where they live.
• 2:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 2:37
  And we went there for Thanksgiving Day and then woke up first thing the next morning, had to get home'cause Joseph was playing in a hockey tournament.
• 2:46
  MLO had a dance competition right back into the activities.
• 2:49
  My husband's best friend, like surprised 40th birthday party.
• 2:52
  Like we just, I'm, oh my gosh, I'm so grateful everybody's back at school this week.
• 2:57
  Yeah.
• 2:57
  Yeah.
• 2:57
  There was so much together time.
• 2:58
  I know, I know.
• 2:59
  And it was, you know what happened?
• 3:01
  It, we shoot these a little bit earlier in the week, so it's either usually Monday or Tuesday when we shoot these.
• 3:05
  Yes.
• 3:05
  And then these air on Thursday.
• 3:06
  But today I woke up and I was like, it's Cyber Monday.
• 3:09
  Still.
• 3:10
  Does it feel like it's been cyber week for I know.
• 3:14
  Two weeks, four months?
• 3:15
  Yeah, four months.
• 3:16
  Crazy.
• 3:16
  Did you get anything good?
• 3:17
  I did a little bit of shopping, but like nothing crazy.
• 3:20
  Some of the stuff that was on my list, I restocked on some stuff that I like.
• 3:24
  'cause sometimes, even just like my everyday things that I use, the were on sale.
• 3:28
  So it's oh, why not?
• 3:29
  So I grabbed a couple things that I needed restocks of and then did a little bit of shopping.
• 3:33
  But honestly, I feel like the sales are just, they go for, they're until Christmas, right?
• 3:38
  They go until the holidays.
• 3:39
  I feel like it's less pressure now.
• 3:41
  Of that, where it's like this Cyber Monday used to be so stressful and the whole weekend of Thanksgiving used to be like all about shopping.
• 3:48
  And I feel like it's a little bit less than that now, which is nice.
• 3:51
  Because it starts earlier.
• 3:52
  It goes later, which is fine.
• 3:53
  So it's not just like Black Friday, cyber Monday, small business Saturday.
• 3:57
  Exactly.
• 3:58
  Sunday question mark.
• 3:59
  Cyber Monday.
• 4:00
  Less Cyber Monday.
• 4:00
  Yeah.
• 4:01
  It feels a little bit more spread out.
• 4:03
  So less pressure on those actual days and you could probably just shop when you feel like it.
• 4:07
  Take the time to decompress after the weekend.
• 4:10
  And hopefully you did get yourself something though.
• 4:13
  If you had your eye on something, it's like the best when you can score a deal, but just you don't need that pressure anymore, no, I've just been buying for the kids.
• 4:20
  I was just trying to get everything on their list.
• 4:22
  Our elf came today, so the kids, I have not started that.
• 4:25
  Kids made their, the kids made their lists.
• 4:26
  Yep.
• 4:27
  And so the elf gets the list.
• 4:29
  The list, yeah.
• 4:29
  So they had the list out like ready to go for the elf.
• 4:33
  So I was like gazing at the list.
• 4:34
  And it is, Camille and Ava's list is similar to mine.
• 4:38
  Yeah, of course.
• 4:39
  I know.
• 4:39
  Like your girls drunk elephant what is the other Bumble or bubble something or other?
• 4:45
  Everything is just all the skincare, all the beauty, all the skincare, all the beauty.
• 4:49
  I know.
• 4:49
  But now they're back in school.
• 4:50
  So over Thanksgiving break, we were just, since we were off for the week, we were just popping up some older clips from some older episodes.
• 4:58
  And one of the clips that came up was from your friend Marissa Mead, and in part of that episode, she touched on a topic and it was about roles versus identity.
• 5:08
  And you had also sent me a clip on Instagram that was like, in that same Yeah.
• 5:12
  Coincidentally.
• 5:13
  Coincidentally.
• 5:13
  Yeah.
• 5:13
  We, this must have been on our mind.
• 5:15
  And I was like, oh, this is a really interesting topic.
• 5:18
  What is identity?
• 5:19
  What's roles?
• 5:19
  So we started to research what are the two things?
• 5:22
  And they're separate.
• 5:25
  Identity is internal roles are external, I think that your role still shape your identity.
• 5:32
  They still, they somewhat overlap or they woven cann together.
• 5:35
  So I just wanted to tease that out with motherhood, when you become a mother and you take on that role, it's an external, it's huge role.
• 5:42
  Yep.
• 5:43
  But it also is part of your identity.
• 5:45
  Even if you say no, it's the external role, I still think it's part of your identity.
• 5:50
  It 1000% ends up shaping your identity, even some.
• 5:53
  Jobs you are a content creator, that's your role, that's your job, that's external.
• 5:58
  However, it's still your identity because you're in such a unique position.
• 6:02
  And I think that sometimes they overlap and they can get a little messy that way, yes.
• 6:05
  Like it's definitely something that can get messy when things aren't defined right.
• 6:10
  And things start bleeding into one another.
• 6:12
  And we had also talked about, T and I are both 39, and we had talked about this almost like identity crisis and like midlife crisis, that sometimes you feel like looms, right?
• 6:25
  You would always hear that, oh, he's having an identity crisis, he's having a midlife crisis, and we are in that.
• 6:31
  Sweet spot, if you wanna call it that.
• 6:33
  And so I think some of this'cause we're in the middle.
• 6:36
  We're in the, we're in that middle phase.
• 6:38
  So it's that transformation stage.
• 6:41
  It's not the before.
• 6:42
  It's not the after.
• 6:43
  It's the middle.
• 6:44
  Yep.
• 6:44
  Yep.
• 6:44
  So what does that mean?
• 6:45
  What does it mean to be in the middle?
• 6:46
  I think that as you kind of age, and you're in this middle of life, right?
• 6:51
  And you've now taken on all of these roles throughout your life.
• 6:55
  Like for us, it's like we've taken on motherhood.
• 6:58
  You've been a wife, you've been in relationships, you have a job, you have friendships.
• 7:04
  And then, and you have now we're like the default person, right?
• 7:07
  That holds everything together.
• 7:09
  And I think sometimes what happens is like you wake up from that and you realize like you've gotten so good at performing in those roles that you're like, I don't even know who I am anymore.
• 7:21
  And so I think that for me, some of that shift happened.
• 7:25
  When I became a mom, and some of that was because of my job and becoming a mom and kind of it all happening at once.
• 7:32
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:33
  But I think that this happens too.
• 7:34
  I think that this could happen years into motherhood.
• 7:37
  It could happen like when your kids leave the house and all of a sudden you wake up and you're like, who am I?
• 7:44
  And just this role just got a little bit less right?
• 7:47
  Like maybe I'm not in demand day to day as much as I was because my kids no longer live in the house.
• 7:52
  But you hear of these things happening and I just think it's an interesting conversation.
• 7:56
  I do.
• 7:57
  To that point, we haven't reached that point yet, but I can so see that point happening a hundred percent.
• 8:02
  I am living in this world now where I'm raising my kids with other people and we're all like in passing circles.
• 8:09
  So we're doing similar activities.
• 8:11
  We're going to the Santa brunch, we're going to the same tournament, the same dance thing, the same birthday parties.
• 8:16
  We're all intermingling and raising our families together when when my kids go off and leave, and if I don't have other friendships that I didn't meet through roles, right?
• 8:27
  Then I'm left with my husband and us wondering like, all right, so now what do we do?
• 8:32
  Do we move to New York City into the one bedroom apartment that we always talked about?
• 8:35
  Do we stay here in this house with all of the kids are gone and all of our friends' kids are gone and they don't know what to do now, can you, I can see how that, I can hundred percent how that happens then.
• 8:45
  Yes.
• 8:46
  And I feel like for me, it feels far, but also time flies.
• 8:50
  And you are so in it.
• 8:52
  When you're in it.
• 8:53
  And I think everyone tells you and that's what everyone tells me.
• 8:55
  You're in it now.
• 8:56
  You're in it now.
• 8:57
  And then I think that what is starting to happen is you start coming up for air, right?
• 9:02
  And you're like, okay, so time is moving on.
• 9:04
  You're less in it every day.
• 9:06
  And then you come up and you're like, whoa.
• 9:08
  What just happened?
• 9:09
  You blinked and time went by, you blinked and your roles changed.
• 9:13
  And you don't know who you are, right?
• 9:15
  Or what you like, or what you wanna do, and so I think that can definitely spur this identity crisis, midlife crisis.
• 9:24
  I think that's a lot of the time where that comes from.
• 9:26
  And it shouldn't be looked at like a pathetic thing.
• 9:30
  I think it's real.
• 9:31
  And I think it's probably one of those things where if people.
• 9:34
  Maybe they don't even realize that they're in it.
• 9:36
  They don't even realize that they're having that's what it is.
• 9:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:38
  You know, Like that's what's actually going on.
• 9:41
  And I think it needs to be talked about.
• 9:43
  I think that the goal is your roles should be something that you enjoy doing.
• 9:49
  Because then you're gonna burn out.
• 9:50
  So you have to reevaluate very frequently what those roles are.
• 9:54
  You have to make space for that.
• 9:56
  And if your roles are a reflection of your identity, the two should be in sync.
• 9:59
  But I think that when the two are not in sync and you're playing all these external roles that don't even match up with your core identity, then that's, you're screwed.
• 10:07
  For sure.
• 10:08
  So to your point, you said you have to come up for air.
• 10:11
  If you've gotten to that point.
• 10:13
  It's almost too late for, yes.
• 10:15
  It has to be like a constant reevaluation, a constant looking at what you're doing.
• 10:20
  Maybe that's when it feels like it has to be so constant.
• 10:22
  Maybe that's when it feels like an identity crisis.
• 10:24
  Yes.
• 10:24
  Is when you haven't wait.
• 10:25
  You wait if it gets to that point.
• 10:27
  Yep.
• 10:27
  So I thought when you said this at the beginning, you said that like identity is an internal thing and your roles are external things.
• 10:34
  But I wanted to like also share a couple other break down comparison statements between the two because I think that I use them interchangeably and probably never realized that I did, but they are very different.
• 10:46
  So identity is your being and your roles are your doing.
• 10:51
  Okay.
• 10:52
  So roles are jobs then essentially.
• 10:55
  Yes.
• 10:55
  If you're saying you're doing yes.
• 10:56
  What are a couple examples of a role if you had to think of a few.
• 11:00
  It's an external, it's often temporary, it is visible to others.
• 11:07
  It's based on what people need from you and it changes as life changes.
• 11:12
  So back to that kind of being in a temporary thing, it could be temporary.
• 11:16
  So they're more performative to what you were saying earlier?
• 11:18
  Yes, they're more performative.
• 11:18
  Okay.
• 11:19
  So when you serve others.
• 11:21
  And identity is internal.
• 11:24
  It is stable over time.
• 11:26
  It's personal and quiet.
• 11:28
  It's shaped by your experiences and not assignments.
• 11:31
  And it's who you are when all of the titles fall away.
• 11:35
  So it's permanent.
• 11:37
  And roles shift with your seasons.
• 11:41
  Identity also asks you what you need, roles, ask what others need, and identity fills you and rolls often drain or demand from you.
• 11:51
  So it is interesting to think of the differences between the two.
• 11:55
  So do you feel like identity can change?
• 12:00
  I think it, it can probably evolve with experiences.
• 12:03
  So as time is going and as you have more life experiences, I do think that you can change and grow.
• 12:10
  I don't think that it's like a night and day difference though.
• 12:13
  I think that you are who you are and you normally gravitate towards what you like and I think that, yes, I do think that you can evolve and grow from that identity, so identity is the core.
• 12:26
  And it might shift.
• 12:27
  It might shift ever so slightly and come back in, but it's very stable.
• 12:31
  It's more stable roles and I think yes, roles are the things that are like spinning and changing constantly around you.
• 12:37
  Yes.
• 12:37
  And I think that, yes, I don't wanna ever say that like it's black and white.
• 12:40
  You are who you are.
• 12:42
  'cause I think that what this said that it's through experiences and I think as you experience things, experiences shape you.
• 12:50
  Sure.
• 12:50
  So I think that, yes, my identity has changed over.
• 12:55
  I would say probably the last 10 years, especially as I shifted, I feel like things for me really started changing.
• 13:03
  When I went through infertility.
• 13:04
  It was like the pandemic, infertility, and then motherhood.
• 13:07
  And I always think of it as it was like boom, boom, boom.
• 13:09
  Like it just a lot happened at once and I definitely shifted and evolved from all of those things happening and what it did to me.
• 13:19
  But I'm still who I am, so yes, I think that things can evolve and grow, but like I don't think that you really change who you are, right at your core.
• 13:29
  So at your core, your identity, who you are, not what you are, it's your values.
• 13:36
  Your inner voice, your preferences.
• 13:38
  Yeah.
• 13:38
  Your instincts, what matters to you.
• 13:41
  Those things I don't think have ever changed for me.
• 13:44
  My inner voice is loud.
• 13:45
  Yep.
• 13:46
  My instincts, yep.
• 13:47
  Those gut reactions that you have.
• 13:49
  Yep.
• 13:49
  Those have all been really stable.
• 13:51
  Yep.
• 13:51
  And with all the different roles that I've played, I think helped sharpen some of my for sure.
• 13:57
  Instincts, some of my roles, some of my values.
• 14:00
  I don't think that they've dolled them, I think that they've sharpened them.
• 14:04
  I think that the roles exhaust me and when I think of the roles, I think of jobs and work that are like very tiring.
• 14:12
  And it's funny because the roles are what everybody identifies me as.
• 14:16
  Yes.
• 14:17
  Not even, Not even the internal stuff, it's all the external stuff.
• 14:21
  Those are the things that people are attracted to you are interested in, those external Yep.
• 14:27
  Roles.
• 14:27
  I think that also symbolizes your relationship with your husband, your relationship with your friends, that's when you take it to the next level, right?
• 14:36
  Is when think when those roles are stripped away.
• 14:38
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:38
  And Marissa and I did talk about how we have mainly been in different, quote unquote life stages are entire 15 year friendship.
• 14:48
  It's almost been that long.
• 14:50
  And I was getting married, I've been a mom, she's been traveling the world so it's like we were never on the same.
• 14:58
  Role at the same time, minus being a content creator.
• 15:02
  And we were able to bond over that.
• 15:04
  Arguably, that could have even made the relationship even harder it could have, right?
• 15:07
  Because now you have competing roles.
• 15:09
  And so we had always prided ourselves, and we talked about this at length in that episode, about how when you love a person truly like you, love who they are, and you are able to strip away all of the roles that person plays and just look at them for their heart and their soul and who they are, that's when real true friendship forms, where it's just, it's such a deep relationship and with such a foundation under it.
• 15:38
  And I think a lot of the times we are connected to friendships, like you're saying, through the roles that you play.
• 15:44
  And hopefully when you're in a marriage or a longstanding partnership that you.
• 15:50
  Together because of the identity and not the roles that you play.
• 15:54
  But I think that's where it can get really tricky is when some of these roles are then stripped away.
• 15:59
  And this goes back to what we were talking about when your kids leave the house, right?
• 16:03
  And your mom and dad.
• 16:05
  And then all of a sudden now you're not really faced with that day to day all the time.
• 16:09
  And you look at your partner and you're like, who are you?
• 16:11
  Who am I?
• 16:12
  And this is why it's like another phase of life where you hear of people like falling out, right?
• 16:17
  Because you're like, this is now a different stage of life and you don't know who you are anymore.
• 16:22
  We are not there yet.
• 16:24
  I feel like currently the stage of life I'm in is, I feel like this like busy time of when you're in your thirties and your forties and my roles have.
• 16:33
  Multiplied like exponentially.
• 16:35
  And I have multiple kids, I have multiple tasks.
• 16:38
  I am the household manager.
• 16:40
  I'm the chauffeur, I'm the emotional regulator of the children.
• 16:42
  Sometimes my partner, I, I'm learning how to regulate my own emotions.
• 16:46
  Yes, I am, somebody's, coworker, I play multiple roles.
• 16:51
  So sometimes you lose your identity through these roles and how are you supposed to make nice connections with other people?
• 17:01
  If you don't have, because you're in this,'cause you're saying you're in this busy, we're in this busy season, but I'm not only in this busy season, someone else's, my peers are too.
• 17:09
  Yes.
• 17:09
  Yes.
• 17:09
  So you're trying to create and can make connections, genuine connections.
• 17:15
  With two women that are just busy that don't even know who their, what their identities are.
• 17:19
  So we're all in this together.
• 17:21
  Yep.
• 17:21
  So that also, I think is another layer of why, friendships can be hard too, because you can't, you have to be vulnerable and get back to the foundation of it all.
• 17:32
  Yes.
• 17:33
  It's tricky to do.
• 17:34
  So, Especially like you said in the like, crazy busy season that we're all in right now.
• 17:39
  It's it, and it takes a lot of work and it takes a lot of effort.
• 17:42
  And it takes you being comfortable with letting your walls down and opening yourself up a little bit more and roles can be very heavy too.
• 17:54
  There's a lot of because it's performance based, with some of them.
• 17:57
  Yeah.
• 17:57
  And they're performative, they feel very heavy.
• 18:00
  There's a lot of pressure, there's judgment, there's, it doesn't all feel like light.
• 18:05
  Yeah.
• 18:05
  But it could also be a kind of a crutch, right?
• 18:09
  Like you can hide behind the role that you're in.
• 18:12
  And so again, that could be like a whole other thing that gets a little bit tricky, I think that I did that, yeah.
• 18:18
  For a long time is I think I, I started being a, an influencer content creator.
• 18:24
  It was a blogger back then when I was 25.
• 18:27
  And so if I think of myself as a 25-year-old, I'm like just becoming an adult.
• 18:32
  I was on my own, Raja and I were living together.
• 18:34
  It was like our first, few years of real responsibilities and jobs and a house and all of these things and building our life together.
• 18:42
  And I started my blog and took on this role as an influencer.
• 18:49
  Blogger and I had a name for my blog.
• 18:52
  It was Oso Glam and it took over.
• 18:54
  You took, you were like, I almost felt so glam.
• 18:57
  Yeah.
• 18:57
  Like I almost felt like for a while it was like I had to have these pillars of my brand that I was building and what does Oso glam mean and how does that translate into who I am?
• 19:09
  And I remember thinking like at points, like this is back in the day, I think that as time went on, I was a little bit more comfortable with it, but it's is this something, oh, so glam would wear, is this something that I like?
• 19:22
  You know what I mean?
• 19:22
  Because it almost took over think she's like a third person in your relationship.
• 19:26
  Yeah.
• 19:26
  It was just like, and I know I, I recognized that was unhealthy and I also wasn't, it wasn't that it wasn't authentic to me, it was just that it was a part of who I was.
• 19:37
  And this was before content got so immersive where it's more acceptable for you to be yourself now.
• 19:44
  And but this was back in the day.
• 19:46
  And so if I think about that, how that shaped me as a mid 20 something, as I was trying to find myself as an adult, and I had this role that it wasn't my identity.
• 19:58
  It was a role that I So you created, so you're saying that, oh, Oso Glam was a role.
• 20:02
  It was a hundred percent.
• 20:04
  It was a role.
• 20:05
  And it wa it doesn't mean that it wasn't authentic.
• 20:07
  Just like of course you're a mom, you're a wife, it doesn't mean that it's not authentic.
• 20:11
  It just means that it was one part, one thing of that makes up who I am.
• 20:17
  But it was such a big, it was such a big presence, like a media presence.
• 20:22
  Yes.
• 20:22
  That it almost took over the identity.
• 20:24
  Yes.
• 20:24
  It started to don't, or it would infringe on it don't feel like now it would infringe on it.
• 20:28
  Now you are more Christina Tishi for sure.
• 20:32
  And also Glam truly is.
• 20:34
  A pillar of that.
• 20:35
  Yes.
• 20:35
  I wanna know, how did you transform I wanna even go through this.
• 20:41
  How did you start to reclaim some of that identity and still be everything you are?
• 20:46
  I feel like a lot of the transformation happened within the last five years, and I really feel like a lot of it took like being at rock bottom and almost having an identity crisis for me to start to really find myself again.
• 21:01
  A lot of those were outside factors and.
• 21:05
  Compiled all at once, but it took me almost having almost like a mental breakdown to be like, I don't know who I am.
• 21:13
  And it wasn't, it was like a cry for help.
• 21:15
  I don't know who I am and I need to know who I am.
• 21:17
  And so I needed to just pause.
• 21:20
  We talked about this pause, take a step back from a lot of things.
• 21:24
  Focus on only the roles that needed me, so like I needed to go into motherhood, like that's.
• 21:31
  Where I am right now.
• 21:32
  I can't worry about all these other things.
• 21:34
  I need to focus on my family.
• 21:36
  I need to focus on being a wife.
• 21:38
  I need to focus on being a mom, and I need to focus on myself.
• 21:41
  And I went MIA for a little bit, and then as I started resurfacing a little bit I did a lot of inner, I did a lot of inner work.
• 21:50
  I think a lot of journaling, a lot of I did a lot of gratitude things.
• 21:55
  I did therapy.
• 21:56
  I feel like I had to start speaking out loud and not in my head and talking about things.
• 22:03
  I had to talk about things from before motherhood, and I had to start ironing out, who that person was and what I liked about her.
• 22:10
  So you were, and what needed to come back into my life again.
• 22:13
  And so it wasn't, it's not like a light switch, it was like, it was a lot of work.
• 22:18
  It really was.
• 22:19
  So I guess for a listener who.
• 22:21
  Is in that same spot as you were five years ago.
• 22:24
  I know that there's pe.
• 22:24
  I know that there are people that are here because I feel like everybody is there.
• 22:27
  Yes.
• 22:27
  I think a good place to start is asking yourself, what do I like?
• 22:32
  Yeah.
• 22:33
  Because it sounds like you asked yourself, what do I like?
• 22:35
  Maybe you can't answer that right away.
• 22:36
  I couldn't, I take some time.
• 22:37
  Remember, that was also the scary part, was that I remember asking myself that question, I think it was from a therapy session, and it was like, who am I?
• 22:45
  What do I even like anymore?
• 22:46
  And I didn't know.
• 22:48
  Yeah.
• 22:48
  And I remember being like I asked you.
• 22:50
  Yes.
• 22:50
  You asked me and I still didn't know, but I Do you know now?
• 22:53
  Yes, So what do you like, tell me.
• 22:54
  I know I need to be out of my bubble.
• 22:57
  I know I need to be with people as much as I, I say that I am an introvert and sometimes I recharge in private, you need the energies of others.
• 23:05
  I need the energy.
• 23:06
  I need comradery.
• 23:07
  I need collaboration.
• 23:09
  I had set myself up to work alone and to run my own business, yes, there's team members, there's managers, there's assistants, people that help you with things.
• 23:20
  But I'm, you're a solo act.
• 23:21
  I'm a solo act.
• 23:22
  Yeah.
• 23:22
  And I realized that after a long time that I don't thrive with that.
• 23:26
  I like being with people.
• 23:27
  I like the creative energy of being around other people.
• 23:31
  And so I needed to bring some of that back into my life.
• 23:34
  I needed to spend time with some of my family.
• 23:36
  I needed to get back to, seeing shows listening to music that I like.
• 23:41
  So these are all the things that you like Yes.
• 23:42
  You like the presence of others.
• 23:43
  Yes.
• 23:44
  You like being around community, music, performance, performances like that.
• 23:49
  So you now look, you just named like 10 things.
• 23:51
  Yeah.
• 23:52
  But I like, yeah.
• 23:53
  All of the creative.
• 23:54
  Yeah.
• 23:54
  So that's all part of your identity.
• 23:56
  Yes.
• 23:56
  Those are, that are things that light me up that that have not changed.
• 24:00
  That have not changed.
• 24:01
  So those are things that you like.
• 24:02
  Yes.
• 24:03
  You have likes.
• 24:03
  Yes.
• 24:04
  Another one is what feels good to me?
• 24:06
  What drains me.
• 24:07
  What fills me.
• 24:08
  Those are important questions to ask yourself.
• 24:10
  Yeah.
• 24:10
  And I think most importantly is, what did you love before?
• 24:14
  Yep.
• 24:15
  Motherhood.
• 24:15
  Yep.
• 24:16
  Because you may not like the same things and that's okay too.
• 24:19
  That's okay too.
• 24:19
  And that's an exercise.
• 24:19
  But sometimes it's just good to quiz yourself.
• 24:22
  I used to love doing this with, I want, do I wanna revisit this?
• 24:25
  And you talked about that in another episode where you had said I liked playing soccer as a kid.
• 24:30
  I don't wanna play soccer now.
• 24:32
  But what did you like about that?
• 24:33
  You liked being on a team, you liked the competitiveness.
• 24:36
  Like you have to sometimes go back in time and it's almost an exercise.
• 24:40
  What did I like about that?
• 24:41
  And break it down and how can I then add that back into my life in a way that makes sense for me now.
• 24:47
  So it does take a lot of work.
• 24:48
  And it's unfortunately not something that anybody can do for you.
• 24:52
  I think that all of these statements that I just read off to you all start with I I and me, because so often do I say, oh, my kids would like this.
• 25:02
  Oh, my kids.
• 25:03
  Oh, the kids will love it.
• 25:04
  Oh, the kids.
• 25:05
  The kids, we will do this.
• 25:06
  The kids, we that.
• 25:07
  Yep.
• 25:07
  Oh, Nick and I will like that, blah, blah, blah.
• 25:08
  Sometimes I think it's great just to have a couple eye things.
• 25:12
  Yes.
• 25:12
  A couple of me things that are not external.
• 25:14
  They're for nobody else.
• 25:15
  They are just for yourself.
• 25:17
  They are not selfish.
• 25:17
  They are very important.
• 25:18
  Because if you can't answer the questions to these, you've lost your identity.
• 25:22
  Yes.
• 25:22
  Yes.
• 25:22
  And then how are you supposed to play a role to support others?
• 25:25
  No.
• 25:26
  You really can't.
• 25:26
  No.
• 25:27
  And I feel to that point, I felt like at that point, because I didn't really know who I was anymore.
• 25:33
  It's hard to be a wife.
• 25:34
  It's hard to be a mom.
• 25:36
  A roles.
• 25:36
  It's hard to be, it's hard to work because you're like, if I don't know who I am at my core, then.
• 25:42
  I those roles that you play yes, you can hide behind them, but I really didn't know what I was doing in any aspect of my life because I didn't really know who I was anymore.
• 25:53
  So I think that statement of just not knowing is the red flag.
• 25:58
  And hopefully, like you had said at the beginning you, you want to try to avoid that happening, and there, I'm sure there's ways to avoid that happening, but once you get to that point it's just a lot of internal work.
• 26:10
  So TI think that the next thing that I wanna ask you about is when roles become your identity.
• 26:18
  Like and when the outside world kind of rewards you only for the role, right?
• 26:23
  And I'm thinking of this in terms of you're home with the kids.
• 26:26
  So this is the role of a stay-at-home mom.
• 26:28
  This is the role of a stay-at-home mom.
• 26:29
  So stay-at-home mom.
• 26:31
  Rule could be like your job.
• 26:33
  Yes.
• 26:33
  And mom Yes.
• 26:34
  Is like your a huge role.
• 26:36
  And I think that mom is part of your identity.
• 26:38
  Oh, of course.
• 26:39
  It, mom, like I am everything.
• 26:41
  Yes.
• 26:41
  Like to my children, I'm, you have to be, you have to be just like my mom is still everything.
• 26:45
  Yep.
• 26:46
  To me.
• 26:46
  And I think that when you are put in this role of the caregiver, the chauffeur, the cook, the tutor, and everybody's saying oh, you're so involved with the kids.
• 26:57
  And you get praised for that.
• 26:58
  Oh, I don't know how you do it.
• 26:59
  You're juggling everything.
• 27:01
  And you get all of this external praise from the outside world about your job of being a mother, that really becomes who you are.
• 27:09
  And it's like you're saying it's performative.
• 27:12
  Yeah.
• 27:12
  It is a performance, even if I'm not doing it for the performance or the accolades, I'm doing it just to purely raise my children.
• 27:19
  It's become my job.
• 27:20
  But Right.
• 27:20
  They call it a stay at home mom.
• 27:22
  Yes.
• 27:22
  Because it needs a title.
• 27:24
  I feel like it's a very misunderstood rule, which might be why I am even having trouble.
• 27:30
  Speaking to it, because even though I play this role I still don't fully understand it.
• 27:35
  It's hard, honestly, because I do it because I, I have to, there's something that just takes over in you when you become a mother that you just have to care for other people.
• 27:46
  You have to keep them alive, and then you fall in love with them and you just pour your heart into it and then you start, reading books and having other things that maybe aren't necessarily your values mixed with.
• 27:58
  How you feel in your core because you're trying to do your best.
• 28:02
  So you have a lot of different.
• 28:04
  Mixes of things come together when you're raising kids, yes, I totally get that.
• 28:07
  Yep.
• 28:08
  And then also you're, then you're playing this societal role of, oh, okay, now you're a stay at home mom.
• 28:13
  Or you left your job and now you're, now you're doing this.
• 28:16
  Or, oh, you're just a mom, there's so many mixed messages and mixed emotions.
• 28:21
  With being a mom I feel like, again, I always say this when we like get into something where I'm like, I feel like a little bit of a chill in my body where I'm like, I feel like we could have an entire episode about this, because I freaking hate that.
• 28:36
  I hate making a stay at home mom feel less than, and I actually hate the battle.
• 28:42
  I feel like there is a silent battle of working moms versus stay at home moms.
• 28:46
  I don't think that it's like.
• 28:49
  A nasty battle, but I think that there's like a, who has it harder, like it's a comparison thing.
• 28:54
  But I think that it was my brief stint with it, it was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life.
• 29:03
  I applaud anybody who is home full-time with their kids.
• 29:07
  I think that it is the hardest job in the entire world.
• 29:10
  It is a 24 7 job, and there is no other comparison to it.
• 29:16
  There is no other comparison to that type of, on that honestness.
• 29:21
  I have such strong feelings about that because I could not do it right.
• 29:26
  And I, I consider that a weakness, I do, I consider it like I.
• 29:32
  Wanted to go back to work.
• 29:34
  I thought it was the hardest thing being home full-time.
• 29:38
  I needed something else outside of it and I wish I didn't, but don't you just think then, if women could just say, I do best with the structure of my job and working a little extra harder to pay for somebody to compliment the upbringing of my children.
• 29:59
  And then on the other side, the other women say, I actually don't strive in the office and strive, bringing in an income for my family.
• 30:07
  So instead I play a slightly more supportive role to my husband and I'm home raising the kids.
• 30:12
  'cause that's what I do best, right?
• 30:14
  I think if you just embrace what you do best.
• 30:17
  Yeah.
• 30:18
  It sounds so much better.
• 30:19
  But when you teeter on both sides, it sounds very like comp.
• 30:24
  I don't know.
• 30:24
  But I also think that some women are forced into the position of either staying home or going back to work.
• 30:30
  I guess there's, I'm talking more like a choice, like you and I, if you have a choice, you and I are talking from choices.
• 30:36
  From choices because we had a choice.
• 30:39
  Some women don't have a choice.
• 30:40
  But luckily you made the choice to go back to work.
• 30:44
  And you're also mothering very closely.
• 30:47
  Yes.
• 30:47
  It's a mix of both.
• 30:48
  It's a mix of both, but you have a little extra help in doing the tasks.
• 30:53
  That are involved in the running of the household, which fall under mom.
• 30:58
  Mom is almost like the CEO position.
• 31:01
  Yep.
• 31:02
  And the CEO of a company doesn't do the laundry.
• 31:05
  At the company, they have somebody that does the laundry.
• 31:08
  When you're the mom, you're the CEO of the house, but you do the laundry, everything you cook, you take care of the kids.
• 31:13
  Yep.
• 31:13
  When you look at it like that, it requires a lot of structure and there's a lot more that goes For sure.
• 31:20
  Into it.
• 31:20
  Yep.
• 31:21
  For sure.
• 31:21
  So yes.
• 31:22
  How could I not become that role?
• 31:25
  Because it's everything.
• 31:26
  It's everything.
• 31:27
  It's everything.
• 31:28
  And I think that's actually my point is that it's, for me, that was the hardest struggle.
• 31:34
  I didn't feel like I had another role outside of the role in my house because it's so much.
• 31:41
  And it also limits you if you want to.
• 31:45
  Expand or integrate other things and other roles to help remind you of your identity.
• 31:53
  Because your time is so limited, playing the role of a mother, it's hard to spark creativity, self-expression, your interests.
• 32:04
  Community building, all those other things.
• 32:06
  For sure.
• 32:06
  So did you feel, because you explained in, I think, your intro episode about yourself that you left your job and when your son was born.
• 32:19
  Yeah.
• 32:19
  So I didn't feel this.
• 32:21
  Then I was happy to stop working and I was happy to be a stay-at-home mom.
• 32:25
  Life was like super easy.
• 32:26
  Then I was 26, Nick was starting his job as a doctor.
• 32:29
  I wanted to be home.
• 32:30
  My like best friend was home with her kid.
• 32:32
  Like her and I were having the time of our lives.
• 32:34
  Yeah.
• 32:34
  It was more when we moved to this house and I had to assume the role of caring for.
• 32:40
  This house two kids.
• 32:42
  Nick was literally never home because he was always working and then professionally he was getting so many like attaboys with work.
• 32:49
  Like he was skyrocketing.
• 32:52
  And it wasn't that I was jealous of him, I was always so happy and proud of him.
• 32:57
  But it was like he took off and I was left in the dust.
• 33:01
  Like really struggling being a young mom with two kids and then managing the house and all the other things.
• 33:08
  And that's when I was like, ah.
• 33:09
  Yep.
• 33:10
  I can understand.
• 33:11
  Did.
• 33:11
  And that's when I had my like quarter life crisis.
• 33:14
  So I wanna ask you, so when did you first notice that people praised you more for what you do then who you are?
• 33:23
  Okay, that's a good question.
• 33:25
  So when I had the twins, I got a lot of praise.
• 33:28
  Yeah.
• 33:28
  For having twins.
• 33:29
  And you also had twins?
• 33:30
  Like third technically had twin.
• 33:32
  Twin.
• 33:32
  That was I twins.
• 33:32
  You went from two to fourth.
• 33:33
  I had a full, which sometimes when I think about that, yeah.
• 33:35
  I'm like, I, that, that is insane.
• 33:38
  So I had, all right, I'll talk about my twin story really quickly.
• 33:41
  'cause I feel like when people hear twin stories, they always hear bad twin stories.
• 33:45
  'cause there are so many bad twin stories.
• 33:48
  I luckily had a very healthy twin story.
• 33:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 33:51
  I carried two girls full term.
• 33:53
  And I was just so grateful that I had healthy babies, that it was so easy for me.
• 33:59
  Yeah.
• 33:59
  Because, yeah.
• 34:00
  Because I thought I was gonna deliver early.
• 34:02
  I thought I was gonna have all these things happen.
• 34:04
  I thought I was gonna have a C-section.
• 34:05
  I thought I was gonna have to have one vaginally, one C-section.
• 34:08
  I had two twin girls.
• 34:11
  Delivered vaginally and I was home two days later.
• 34:13
  Yeah, you, I know you, so I got off easy.
• 34:15
  So I was riding that high for mm-hmm.
• 34:18
  a long time.
• 34:18
  And I kept getting praised I can't believe you're doing this.
• 34:21
  How are you doing this?
• 34:22
  You are a mom of four.
• 34:23
  Oh my God, how are you doing this?
• 34:25
  And I like, didn't even want to hear it anymore.
• 34:27
  I was like, how am I doing this?
• 34:28
  Are you kidding me?
• 34:29
  I quite literally have no choice.
• 34:31
  I like, what?
• 34:33
  Yeah.
• 34:33
  How am I doing this off of like coffee and, yep.
• 34:37
  I don't even know what, like cortisol, like I, I have to, I have four kids that are staring at me like right when I delivered the twins.
• 34:45
  It was at 11:00 PM Nick had to work at 6:00 AM the next day.
• 34:49
  And I remember being like, don't you think we're cutting it a little close here?
• 34:53
  What if I don't just fire these babies out?
• 34:55
  Not everybody can fire babies out in 15 minutes.
• 34:59
  Just because I did that with the boys doesn't mean what?
• 35:03
  But anyways, so that's when I became truly like everybody around me was like, oh, she's the twin mom of four.
• 35:10
  Yeah.
• 35:10
  I was gonna say, I feel like you're the mom of four.
• 35:13
  I know we we know people.
• 35:15
  Luckily that other, most of my friends are also Yeah, you, I know.
• 35:18
  I was gonna say there's a handful of people that have four now I blend in, but I still think that it's the more kids, it's like a badge of honor.
• 35:25
  Like you're like, you're the mom of four.
• 35:27
  I feel like it's just.
• 35:30
  It's almost like that's a, I mean, role itself, it's part of itself.
• 35:33
  It's part of my, it's like a role within a role.
• 35:34
  Like you're mom of then you're now mom of four.
• 35:37
  And it is also part of my identity.
• 35:39
  Yeah.
• 35:39
  Being a twin mom, you and having four kids has become part, Did you ever see the movie movie Inside Out?
• 35:45
  No.
• 35:45
  No.
• 35:45
  No.
• 35:45
  Okay.
• 35:46
  So in the movie Inside Out, she, it's a really cute movie and it has, it's about.
• 35:51
  All of these different pieces of you, and it's envy, sad, happy, mad, and how there's not just like one piece of you, right?
• 35:58
  You like, there's like a panel of five people that control your emotions.
• 36:02
  Okay.
• 36:02
  There's also embarrassed, anxiety, all these other things.
• 36:05
  It's the cutest movie ever, but when things stick around for long enough, they end up entering your core of who you are, right?
• 36:14
  So I feel like this role of a twin mom and mom really just snuck its way into my identity.
• 36:20
  It got you.
• 36:20
  It got, yeah.
• 36:21
  And I, I can't get rid of it now.
• 36:22
  It's, it is who I am.
• 36:24
  Yeah.
• 36:24
  But that became everything that I was, so now I was like, Nick's wife, house manager, mom.
• 36:32
  And now I'm like okay, there's nothing left.
• 36:34
  There's nothing left here.
• 36:36
  And that is when it was imperative that I started to integrate.
• 36:41
  Other things.
• 36:42
  So it was more work for me.
• 36:43
  I had to do more work, but it was imperative at that moment that I started to do other things and I wasn't hiding behind them because they were enhancing my life and they were reminding me of who I was.
• 36:54
  And that was when I started to integrate some of more of the community based stuff.
• 36:59
  And other things that you needed.
• 37:01
  I was only identifying as the twin mom or the mom of four kids.
• 37:06
  And I was getting so much praise for it.
• 37:07
  It wasn't like it was a bad thing, but it was just all I would hear.
• 37:10
  Yeah.
• 37:11
  But it's, it overshadows a lot of, like I, or I don't know if that's the word, it just No, I think so.
• 37:15
  Yeah.
• 37:15
  It overshadows everything else.
• 37:18
  Yeah.
• 37:19
  I don't know how you And it is incredible.
• 37:21
  Incredible.
• 37:21
  I know how she does.
• 37:22
  And I'm not saying don't give compliments to people.
• 37:25
  It's not that.
• 37:25
  It's not that I'm not grateful that people recognize,'cause I was also being seen because people were recognizing like, holy shit, this looks hard.
• 37:32
  Yes.
• 37:33
  Guess.
• 37:33
  Yeah, it was.
• 37:34
  Yeah.
• 37:34
  It's like almost like it feels, if it's like a backhanded compliment, right?
• 37:38
  Or it's like where you feel like you're like, okay, yes, you're being recognized.
• 37:42
  Thank you.
• 37:43
  It is this is a lot.
• 37:45
  Or thank you for recognizing that this is a little bit different than how everybody experiences things.
• 37:50
  But, or sometimes people would say to me, which I'm sure everybody's had, had somebody say to this oh, your hands are full.
• 37:54
  Yes.
• 37:54
  It's looks like you have your hands full.
• 37:56
  Looks like you have your hands full.
• 37:57
  I'm like yeah why don't you lend one out?
• 38:00
  I know.
• 38:00
  I know.
• 38:01
  But I don't know.
• 38:02
  And then at that point too, I think I also.
• 38:06
  My role just became that I was a disaster and like my kids were gonna be late.
• 38:11
  We were gonna forget things.
• 38:13
  Like all these other negative roles came along with it too.
• 38:16
  And now I feel like I'm just trying to clean the mess up.
• 38:19
  It's interesting that you're saying that'cause you're saying like that the role sort of brand you Yeah.
• 38:24
  Which they do.
• 38:25
  And that's like another thing where again, this is, they're all external, it's an external thing.
• 38:30
  But it's crazy that those end up shaping you, right?
• 38:34
  Like it's shapes, maybe it's like almost like your own inner identity.
• 38:38
  Like the longer you're in something and doing something, like now you're saying that's how you identify.
• 38:43
  Like you've said oh, I'm unorganized, I'm a mess.
• 38:46
  All of these things.
• 38:47
  And it's but are you or are you just.
• 38:50
  You know what I mean?
• 38:51
  Yeah.
• 38:51
  Are you just playing that role?
• 38:51
  Are you just playing that role?
• 38:53
  Okay, so I'm gonna read off a couple things.
• 38:55
  Do you think that you are a leader?
• 38:57
  Was that a role that you play?
• 38:59
  I, yes.
• 38:59
  It definitely used to be.
• 39:01
  Used to be, yes.
• 39:02
  Yes.
• 39:02
  But you don't think you are anymore?
• 39:03
  I would say, again, that's something over the last five-ish years that I don't feel I feel, I find myself craving collaborative.
• 39:14
  Situations more than leader situations.
• 39:17
  I used to be, I was captain of everything that I've ever been on, like that was always a role that I loved, like leading and being in charge or like the point person of something.
• 39:26
  But as I've aged, I find myself just, I don't wanna, I don't want it to be all on me.
• 39:32
  So I think that's a good example Yeah.
• 39:34
  Of how roles change.
• 39:35
  Yes.
• 39:36
  And that how it's like a season.
• 39:38
  Yes.
• 39:38
  And it's not really the identity.
• 39:41
  Oh, you are?
• 39:41
  Yes.
• 39:42
  Yes.
• 39:43
  Or external you're like, maybe other people saw me as a leader, so I took that role on, here's another one.
• 39:50
  Okay.
• 39:50
  Were you the good girl when you were growing up?
• 39:53
  Yeah, I would.
• 39:54
  I would say I'm like the eldest daughter.
• 39:56
  I was never really like a troublemaker or anything, so I do think that I was like more of a rule follower for sure.
• 40:04
  What about you?
• 40:07
  Did I even need to, mom, do we even need to ask I that shocks me.
• 40:12
  But I really wasn't a bad girl.
• 40:14
  Yeah.
• 40:14
  But I certainly wasn't a good girl.
• 40:16
  Okay.
• 40:17
  No, that's I, okay.
• 40:18
  I think that checks I was a rule.
• 40:20
  I was a rule tester.
• 40:20
  Okay.
• 40:21
  Okay.
• 40:21
  I was a rule tester.
• 40:22
  Yeah.
• 40:22
  I was definitely like a rule follower.
• 40:24
  Also track like not, yeah.
• 40:26
  Like not doing things in line, makes me anxious.
• 40:29
  Okay.
• 40:29
  So those are two things that have stuck with us.
• 40:32
  Yes.
• 40:32
  Throughout our whole life.
• 40:33
  Yes.
• 40:33
  So don't you think then that.
• 40:34
  Then goes more to your identity?
• 40:36
  Yeah, probably.
• 40:37
  And less of just a temporary role.
• 40:39
  Yeah.
• 40:39
  I guess we can say as we were approaching the big four, oh, if they're still on brand, then that's probably who we are.
• 40:45
  When we were on vacation this last week, Ava is 46 and a half inches and all the rides are for 48 inches and everybody else in the family is 48 inches.
• 40:53
  So I was like, Ave, come over here.
• 40:54
  Let me put your hair in a top Knotch.
• 40:55
  Yeah, that'll give you two inches.
• 40:56
  Yeah, you can go on the ride with us.
• 40:58
  And Nick is shaking his head no.
• 40:59
  Me.
• 40:59
  Yeah, Nick's the one because he's the rule follower.
• 41:01
  He's me.
• 41:02
  Yeah.
• 41:02
  I'd be like no.
• 41:04
  And Ava was like, mom, I cannot lie.
• 41:06
  Are you kidding me?
• 41:07
  Dead mom wants me to lie.
• 41:08
  And I am like, fine.
• 41:09
  Then sit out.
• 41:10
  I don't know what to tell you.
• 41:11
  Yep.
• 41:11
  Bending the rules is still breaking the rules.
• 41:15
  Okay.
• 41:16
  So the next one is, yeah, were you rule follower?
• 41:18
  A rule negotiator?
• 41:19
  Yeah.
• 41:19
  No, I was a rule follower I think.
• 41:20
  I think.
• 41:20
  Okay.
• 41:21
  Are you the peacekeeper in your family?
• 41:24
  Yeah, I definitely think someone could go to me and I'm like a I'm like a see both sides type of person.
• 41:32
  Like I'm not so heated, I think you can sway me.
• 41:35
  Where like I can understand your point of view.
• 41:37
  I can understand someone else points of view.
• 41:39
  Yeah.
• 41:39
  Yeah.
• 41:39
  Sure.
• 41:39
  What about you?
• 41:41
  I feel like you're opinionated.
• 41:43
  I'm very opinionated.
• 41:44
  Yeah.
• 41:45
  But I think that I am a peacekeeper though.
• 41:47
  Yeah.
• 41:47
  Even, but not a peace like pleaser.
• 41:50
  But I do think that I have opinions on things and I might share of those.
• 41:55
  Yes.
• 41:55
  Yes.
• 41:56
  All here's another one.
• 41:57
  Were you the funny one, the cute one, or the smart one?
• 42:00
  If you had to be one?
• 42:02
  I was the, probably the cute one.
• 42:03
  The cute one.
• 42:04
  Yeah.
• 42:05
  I definitely wasn't like the smarty pants of the group.
• 42:09
  I was always, I always would say I was like more of the posh spice.
• 42:12
  I liked my outfits, like people would wanna copy my outfits.
• 42:15
  Like it, I feel like it really, and that's the influencer role was like always how I was, Yeah.
• 42:20
  So that's maybe still part of your identity then?
• 42:22
  Yeah.
• 42:23
  'cause it's still who you are today.
• 42:24
  Yeah.
• 42:24
  Yeah.
• 42:25
  Like I think people go to me and, they, that's what I'm, that's what I'm good for, what would you say for me, wait, what were the options?
• 42:33
  The funny one, the cute one or the smart one.
• 42:35
  I'm thinking of you like back in the day, I would say that you were probably the funny one.
• 42:38
  Yeah, I think I still am.
• 42:40
  Yeah.
• 42:40
  Like I think, yeah, I think I'm funny.
• 42:41
  You're okay.
• 42:43
  I think that because you're like the one that says it like you're like you say it.
• 42:47
  You don't think like you just say whatever you want.
• 42:50
  Oh yeah.
• 42:50
  My husband really loves when I do that.
• 42:53
  Why do you need the balance?
• 42:54
  You need the balance talk right now.
• 42:56
  It's funny.
• 42:58
  Funny because you sad You're the funny one.
• 42:59
  Yeah, but you're also the cute one too.
• 43:01
  I think I was always the funny one.
• 43:03
  Like the jokester.
• 43:04
  The jokester, yeah.
• 43:05
  I think, I always hide behind humor.
• 43:07
  Yeah.
• 43:08
  Okay.
• 43:09
  The overachiever or the under the radar kid.
• 43:14
  I would say overachiever because I was always like, involved in a lot of things.
• 43:19
  So again, not from like a book standpoint, like not from academics, but I was always involved in a lot of things and like I always wanted to be like front and center of those things.
• 43:29
  Okay.
• 43:30
  So it probably gave the perception that I was an overachiever.
• 43:33
  Okay.
• 43:34
  So what about now?
• 43:35
  Do you feel like that's still you?
• 43:36
  I do think that that's like, I have high expectations of myself.
• 43:40
  My expectations of myself are through the roof and a lot of my issues actually stem from when I don't hit those things.
• 43:48
  Okay.
• 43:49
  So were you always trying to earn your gold star?
• 43:51
  For sure.
• 43:52
  Like I would always want a gold star.
• 43:53
  What about you?
• 43:54
  No.
• 43:54
  I don't care about the Gold Star.
• 43:55
  Yeah.
• 43:56
  I love a Gold Star.
• 43:57
  I'd wear it.
• 43:57
  I'm happy without it.
• 43:58
  Yeah, I'm happy without it.
• 44:00
  I'd rather somebody else do the work.
• 44:02
  Yeah.
• 44:02
  And just go along with it.
• 44:03
  No, I love a recognition of something.
• 44:06
  Okay.
• 44:07
  Okay, so you, so I probably know the answer to this one.
• 44:10
  You feel like everything had to be perfect?
• 44:12
  A hundred percent.
• 44:13
  Yeah.
• 44:13
  And that also is, yeah, leads true for today.
• 44:16
  Okay, here's a good one.
• 44:18
  Did you hide parts of yourself to fit into your assigned role?
• 44:21
  For sure.
• 44:22
  I would.
• 44:23
  Especially, not so much when I was younger.
• 44:26
  Because I think when I was like in high school and college, I really knew who I was at that point.
• 44:32
  I, again, I think a lot of the roles that I played were part of my personality, so I just rode those, but comfortably like I danced.
• 44:41
  I was very comfortable with who I was when I was done with college.
• 44:44
  I ki and I felt like I went into the real world, I feel like that was when I struggled a little bit.
• 44:50
  And then when I started my blog, it was like another one of those moments where I like needed a creative outlet.
• 44:56
  I felt like I went from.
• 44:58
  Having a lot of fun, dancing, performing, doing all these things to working and working.
• 45:04
  Yes.
• 45:04
  I worked at a digital marketing agency, so it was a little bit creative, but it was a lot of like paper pushing, a lot of doing what the brands wanted.
• 45:12
  It wasn't cre, I didn't feel creatively fulfilled in any way.
• 45:15
  You weren't getting those?
• 45:16
  I wasn't getting that.
• 45:17
  I wasn't getting those hits at all.
• 45:19
  So when I started my blog, that was actually something I was craving.
• 45:22
  I wanted to do something creative and so it's just like that's, it's just interesting that's that was that evolution so that other part of you was hidden was hi, was hidden until revealed.
• 45:34
  And it was revealed through, but then it was also very it, then it then shaped me again.
• 45:41
  So it was like a push pull.
• 45:42
  And it happened just again recently?
• 45:44
  Yes.
• 45:44
  Through this podcast, through the podcast, which I always said, I feel like the podcast and my beginning start as like a content creator and influencer had they're so parallel and like the, where the needs were coming from.
• 45:57
  Like I needed this creative thing to fuel me and I needed to do something like outside of what I was doing.
• 46:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:04
  And that was exactly what the podcast was too.
• 46:06
  Yeah.
• 46:06
  And they were like, that far apart, but they the value of that felt the same.
• 46:10
  Yeah.
• 46:10
  Yeah.
• 46:11
  I like this little game.
• 46:12
  Yeah.
• 46:12
  I think this is fun.
• 46:13
  Fun.
• 46:13
  This is, wait, what was the, the question was did you hide parts of yourself to fit into your assigned role?
• 46:19
  Do you feel like you've hid parts of yourself to fit into an assigned role?
• 46:23
  No.
• 46:23
  No, I don't.
• 46:25
  I don't think I know how to hide parts of myself.
• 46:27
  I wish I was like that.
• 46:28
  I'm too dumb to do that.
• 46:33
  I wish so badly that I can hide parts of myself.
• 46:36
  I just can't, I don't, I don't know how to, I do not know how to hold back.
• 46:41
  I don't know if I, it's not that I, because it's not like I mask them on purpose.
• 46:45
  It's just that I don't necessarily reveal this.
• 46:48
  It's not, it's it's not that I like try to do something else or do or replace it with something else.
• 46:54
  I just am not like a.
• 46:56
  Everything on the table type of person.
• 46:58
  Hold your cards.
• 46:58
  I'm like an onion where I, yeah.
• 47:00
  Like I feel like you, you know who I am after you spend a good amount of time with me.
• 47:05
  Like you'll know all the things, but I'm not gonna reveal all the cards.
• 47:09
  You gotta work for it.
• 47:10
  You gotta work for it.
• 47:10
  You gotta work for it.
• 47:11
  If anybody has ever been in the presence of me and they're hiding something, I am relentless.
• 47:17
  Christina asked, I'm relentless.
• 47:19
  So many questions.
• 47:20
  Sometimes I'm like, I'm fine.
• 47:22
  Sometimes you don't.
• 47:23
  My friends don't tell me and I'm like, it is obvious.
• 47:26
  She knows.
• 47:26
  She'll call you afterwards.
• 47:27
  Can you just tell me so we can work through this?
• 47:32
  I know.
• 47:32
  You'll feel so much better.
• 47:35
  Get it out there.
• 47:36
  I know.
• 47:36
  I've always been like that though, that I know.
• 47:38
  And you're surrounded by a lot of onions.
• 47:40
  I always have had a sixth sense about me.
• 47:43
  Yeah.
• 47:43
  Like I just, I cannot help it.
• 47:45
  It is who I am.
• 47:45
  Yeah.
• 47:46
  And I'm surrounded by a bunch of onions.
• 47:47
  My husband still has his peel on, like I'm still working on him.
• 47:52
  I haven't teared up yet.
• 47:54
  I'm very strong, but I know, isn't it funny, like opposites do attract, they really do.
• 48:00
  You need, because if I was an onion too, there would be No, no, we would have no conversation.
• 48:05
  Conversation at all.
• 48:07
  So we need it.
• 48:08
  So at your core Yeah.
• 48:10
  You are an onion.
• 48:11
  I'm an onion.
• 48:12
  That's what we've learned here.
• 48:13
  So what am I dunno.
• 48:14
  What's the, what is the Youre a lumin onion.
• 48:21
  We're talking metaphorically.
• 48:24
  A grape.
• 48:25
  A grape.
• 48:26
  One layer.
• 48:27
  Okay.
• 48:28
  Nothing to peel.
• 48:31
  Wait, it gets better.
• 48:34
  A peach.
• 48:34
  Okay.
• 48:35
  Sweet.
• 48:36
  Straightforward, not confusing.
• 48:37
  Okay.
• 48:38
  I'm a peach.
• 48:39
  Okay.
• 48:39
  I love it.
• 48:40
  Okay.
• 48:41
  That's not me.
• 48:43
  Okay.
• 48:43
  I'm gonna be a grape.
• 48:44
  Okay.
• 48:44
  I was gonna say, I feel like the grape was just like very fitting, so I'm obsessed.
• 48:50
  Oh, I love it.
• 48:51
  Love it.
• 48:51
  Okay.
• 48:52
  That's great.
• 48:52
  All right.
• 48:53
  This is a good one.
• 48:54
  So the pits will have to tell us who they are.
• 48:57
  Are you a grape or an onion?
• 48:58
  I know.
• 48:58
  We wanna know, are you a grape or an onion?
• 48:59
  Who do you relate to more?
• 49:01
  And if you feel like the first couple questions that we asked you were too daunting what do you like?
• 49:07
  Who were you before you were a mother?
• 49:09
  Maybe start with these.
• 49:11
  Yes.
• 49:12
  Like just the'cause it's a little more fun.
• 49:13
  I know.
• 49:14
  And it might help remind you.
• 49:16
  Yep.
• 49:16
  And utilize that.
• 49:17
  You might be the same and you might have changed.
• 49:19
  Yep.
• 49:19
  We answered a lot of the same though.
• 49:21
  We did.
• 49:22
  I know.
• 49:22
  That's very interesting.
• 49:23
  So to that point, it's like your core doesn't lie.
• 49:28
  Alright, so let's go into our pink spotlight.
• 49:30
  Yeah, okay, so mine this week, I'll go first.
• 49:33
  'cause you said you weren't sure what yours was gonna be to you.
• 49:35
  I don't know what my pink spotlight is yet.
• 49:36
  Go ahead.
• 49:37
  You're gonna have to think of something on the fly.
• 49:38
  You tell me yours and I'll think of something.
• 49:40
  So we'll go back to the beginning of the episode where I shared that I was going out for like my kind of, it's like one of my bigger nights out of the year, right?
• 49:48
  And I said by bi by big night out I had a 5:30 PM dinner reservation.
• 49:53
  So I backstory is that I pack the kids up.
• 49:56
  And I take everybody down to my parents' house because we go out in my hometown and Raja has stayed behind.
• 50:04
  So we, I did this before I had kids.
• 50:06
  So like I would just go down to my parents the night before, stay over, go out.
• 50:09
  He would come down to Thanksgiving.
• 50:11
  'cause normally we do Thanksgiving, sometimes we would trade off, but most of the time we've done Thanksgiving with my family at my parents' house.
• 50:17
  Okay.
• 50:17
  So he's used to coming down separately the next day.
• 50:21
  So when we had kids.
• 50:24
  It became a little bit of a tradition for me to take the kids down.
• 50:27
  They stay at my parents overnight since they're gonna have to come anyway.
• 50:30
  And then he would have to get them down alone.
• 50:32
  And so it just I'll take them down, they'll stay with my parents, and then I'll come back and I'll spend the morning with them, and Raja will meet us the next day.
• 50:40
  So I pack up all the things.
• 50:42
  Now I'm grateful.
• 50:43
  My parents have a ton of stuff at their house, like they are stocked for the kids, but you still need all the things like, so I'm packing like the diapers and the sound machines and like all that stuff.
• 50:53
  So I am like going through my list like a crazy person.
• 50:57
  And then I'm like, I need to make sure I have an outfit for this night and then an outfit for tomorrow for Thanksgiving and all my things.
• 51:04
  And so I get to my parents' house.
• 51:05
  I'm unpacking all the kids stuff is going in the rooms.
• 51:08
  And then I go into my old bedroom and I'm unpacking my stuff and I forget my skincare and my makeup.
• 51:16
  Oh no.
• 51:16
  Nowhere to be found.
• 51:18
  Oh no.
• 51:18
  Are those things.
• 51:19
  So I'm like.
• 51:21
  No because I came down without a stitch of makeup on probably four mental breakdowns in the mix.
• 51:28
  So what did you do?
• 51:29
  So I call my husband and I'm like, he could bring it also the next day.
• 51:32
  The, yes he can be bring it the next day.
• 51:34
  But I was like, first of all, is it there?
• 51:36
  Am I losing my mind?
• 51:37
  Is it where I think it is?
• 51:38
  Yes.
• 51:39
  It's still on the vanity in the bathroom.
• 51:41
  So I'm like, fuck so mad.
• 51:43
  And I say to my mom, I go, mom, I forgot my makeup and my skincare like, can I borrow some stuff?
• 51:50
  Yeah.
• 51:50
  Can I have yours?
• 51:51
  And so I love my mother.
• 51:54
  I love you, mom.
• 51:55
  I love you.
• 51:56
  But I'm, I've been like a, considered a beauty influencer for, 15 years.
• 52:02
  And I know I've given her a lot of things.
• 52:05
  And none of those things were.
• 52:08
  What she was able to offer or to be found.
• 52:10
  And so she goes, oh, I have, she had a couple of Charlotte Tilbury products, none of which were face makeup.
• 52:16
  So I, I said, mom, she goes, oh, I don't wear foundation or concealer.
• 52:20
  I go, oh as I like covering up, like she sounds like 17 like breakouts on my chin.
• 52:26
  'cause I'm going through all this hormone stuff.
• 52:27
  I'm like Mom and my.
• 52:30
  Bags under my eyes are like dark blue.
• 52:32
  I'm like, mom, I need face makeup.
• 52:34
  So what I was gonna do was I was gonna go out and buy a bunch of face makeup and then just use, or like CVS use her?
• 52:39
  Yeah.
• 52:39
  Something like use her eyeshadow and mascara.
• 52:43
  And she did have a couple of the essentials, but I called my husband and then I start to panic per usual, which is on brand where then I'm like, you know what, Raja, I'll just drive home and get it.
• 52:53
  And he's oh yeah, you're gonna drive an hour back.
• 52:56
  Are you kidding me?
• 52:56
  You were seriously considering buying.
• 52:58
  Yeah, because of course I'm insane.
• 53:00
  So I was like, I'm gonna drive.
• 53:01
  He's like, there's gonna be traffic.
• 53:03
  Maybe I can meet you.
• 53:04
  And then he had the brilliant idea of using Uber.
• 53:07
  Package, I believe, or Uber Courier.
• 53:09
  You did not.
• 53:11
  You did not.
• 53:12
  We packaged, you used Uber Courier to get your makeup down there.
• 53:15
  Yeah.
• 53:15
  How much did that cost you?
• 53:16
  It was$60.
• 53:22
  Oh my gosh.
• 53:24
  Oh my God.
• 53:24
  You had to look amazing to go with your girlfriend's home.
• 53:27
  I was like, first of all, if this, what if you ran into somebody from town?
• 53:30
  I was like, I don't wanna go out.
• 53:31
  You had to look at best and not.
• 53:32
  I was like, no, I, this is the one night I was like, I get so excited about this night.
• 53:36
  It's one of my favorite nights of the year.
• 53:38
  I want my own makeup.
• 53:39
  And I feel like there's something to be said about just like having your own shit.
• 53:43
  And so I was like, I need my skincare and I need my makeup and it's gonna make me feel better.
• 53:48
  And you know what?
• 53:49
  It was damn worth every penny.
• 53:51
  Oh my God.
• 53:52
  Like it really was because I got it.
• 53:53
  I felt good.
• 53:54
  I got my makeup done.
• 53:56
  I got my face on in 10 minutes.
• 53:57
  I came down.
• 53:58
  My mom, my grandma were like, this was what the fuss was about.
• 54:02
  Everybody was there.
• 54:03
  I'm like, yes, your mom and your grandma.
• 54:05
  My mom thought I was a straight lunatic get, and it was like an hour.
• 54:08
  There was a little traffic, so it was sitting in traffic.
• 54:11
  I was able to watch it.
• 54:12
  I was stalking it.
• 54:12
  Uber Courier, I think it's called Uber Courier or Uber Package order food.
• 54:17
  Yes.
• 54:17
  It's essentially the same thing from a place that's not close by.
• 54:20
  Yeah.
• 54:20
  Can you do, can you use it in that way?
• 54:22
  I think so.
• 54:23
  But you need somebody who's on the other side, like my husband had to load the package in.
• 54:28
  You know what I mean?
• 54:28
  Like it had to be somebody that was like, oh, I see here you go, and then this is going to someone else.
• 54:33
  Oh, that's genius.
• 54:34
  It was my husband's idea.
• 54:35
  I cannot take credit for it, but if you're in a pinch, if she didn't come up with that, he would've been the uber carrier.
• 54:39
  Yeah.
• 54:39
  And my girlfriend actually said, oh, I've actually used that before.
• 54:42
  It was for a breast pump when she forgot it and needed it.
• 54:45
  And I was like that's a very valid reason for using this.
• 54:48
  This is a psychotic one.
• 54:49
  But same thing.
• 54:50
  I would've gone to CVS and I would've bought new makeup.
• 54:52
  No, I was like, for that price.
• 54:54
  By the time I buy like a couple of things.
• 54:56
  I'm like, I'd rather just have my own stuff.
• 54:58
  I'm a nutcase.
• 54:59
  I know, but I pulled my audience and most of them agreed with me.
• 55:04
  They thought that they were like, no, you do, you girl, like that'ss fine.
• 55:06
  The people spoke, they did.
• 55:08
  So you guys are all as ridiculous as me, but, and there you have it.
• 55:11
  And there I have it.
• 55:12
  And I had my makeup and I was.
• 55:14
  Happy and I had a great night.
• 55:15
  Oh my God.
• 55:15
  And I felt like myself and I was able to cover up all the zits on my face, so Oh my God.
• 55:19
  And now I will be restocking my mom with a bunch of, I'm gonna have an emergency kit and also be like, I don't know how you don't wear face makeup.
• 55:26
  She's 69.
• 55:27
  God bless you.
• 55:28
  I know.
• 55:28
  My mom doesn't really either.
• 55:30
  She wears mascara.
• 55:32
  Yeah.
• 55:32
  And she wears like a little bit of blush.
• 55:33
  Yeah, she wears a lipstick, but she doesn't do, and she wears like SPF.
• 55:37
  Yeah.
• 55:37
  I was like, she doesn't, I'm so confused.
• 55:39
  Do anything else on her face?
• 55:40
  Yeah, I was, I'm like, oh, maybe that's just the stage of life you're in, where you're just, you're feeling good.
• 55:46
  I'm like, I wake up and I look haggard.
• 55:48
  Like I need to put my face on.
• 55:51
  And especially without my skincare, I'm like, if I don't even have my skincare to make me look glowing.
• 55:56
  Forget it.
• 55:56
  I was like, I'm not going.
• 55:58
  I said that and I, my girlfriends were like, you're crazy.
• 56:00
  Of course.
• 56:00
  Just who cares?
• 56:01
  It's just us.
• 56:02
  I go, it's not about that.
• 56:03
  It's, you're not.
• 56:04
  I need to feel good going out.
• 56:06
  You're not disagreeing about your level of insanity.
• 56:09
  I know.
• 56:09
  I'm not.
• 56:09
  You are in full agreement with them about your level of craziness.
• 56:12
  However, you will not waver on that.
• 56:14
  No.
• 56:15
  You have Colleen Rothchild.
• 56:17
  Yes.
• 56:17
  I need it all.
• 56:17
  Skincare.
• 56:18
  Your 10 steps.
• 56:19
  Yep.
• 56:19
  Yep.
• 56:19
  You need it all.
• 56:20
  It's part I it your routine.
• 56:21
  I need it all.
• 56:22
  I'm sorry.
• 56:22
  It's your identity.
• 56:23
  It is my identity.
• 56:25
  So yes, I am that dedicated to my makeup and skincare routine.
• 56:30
  I will link everything I use because I just spent Jesus,$60 to send it along to me, so I like it that much.
• 56:36
  Oh my.
• 56:36
  Anyway, what's yours?
• 56:39
  Okay.
• 56:39
  I just thought of something.
• 56:40
  Okay, so we got into Dancing with the Stars this year.
• 56:43
  Me too.
• 56:44
  Me and the kids and Nick got really into dancing with.
• 56:46
  All right.
• 56:46
  Who's your favorite pro?
• 56:48
  Daniella.
• 56:49
  Oh, she's so cute.
• 56:51
  I I really always, and they always pair her with big men.
• 56:53
  Yes.
• 56:53
  Like big tall men.
• 56:54
  Yes.
• 56:54
  I always, I still love Whitney.
• 56:56
  Whitney was always my, I love Whitney.
• 56:58
  Oh yeah.
• 56:58
  She's super cute.
• 56:58
  But I, Daniella's choreography is I, it's insane.
• 57:02
  I sobbed with her and Dylan's.
• 57:04
  Freestyle.
• 57:05
  I sobbed.
• 57:06
  Oh, I know.
• 57:06
  That was incredible.
• 57:07
  So she's she's just something my, I've always liked Mark Ballas.
• 57:10
  Oh, I love Mark Ballas.
• 57:11
  He's got like a cool vibe.
• 57:13
  Like the tattoo.
• 57:13
  I would wanna be with Mark Ballas and long hair.
• 57:15
  And do follow him on Instagram?
• 57:16
  Yes.
• 57:16
  He and his wife like sing.
• 57:18
  Yes.
• 57:18
  He's just cool.
• 57:20
  So I think he's my favorite.
• 57:21
  He would be who I would want the, like I had to be paired with someone.
• 57:24
  It would be Mark.
• 57:25
  Same.
• 57:25
  But then there was like this whole social media uproar because who he was paired with Whitney.
• 57:29
  Whitney Lovet with Whitney.
• 57:30
  I didn't, I've never watched Secret Lives of Mormon wives, but apparently she was like the villain on that show.
• 57:34
  She's the villain.
• 57:35
  So people were not just not voting for them.
• 57:38
  People were voting everybody else for everyone else except them.
• 57:41
  So it was like they were trying to vote them off, like people are so smart.
• 57:45
  Ew.
• 57:46
  But anyways, I got really into Dancing with the Stars this year so good.
• 57:49
  And so did my kids.
• 57:50
  And they actually, my kids were really into Robert Irwin.
• 57:53
  They, that was like their favorite.
• 57:54
  Okay, so he was the one who won.
• 57:57
  Yep.
• 57:57
  But it was such a good.
• 58:00
  It was like, first of all, they said that there were more viewers than the friends finale.
• 58:06
  That's crazy.
• 58:07
  Insane.
• 58:07
  So it really did have a resurgence.
• 58:09
  I've been watching it since it was been on.
• 58:11
  'cause I love dancing.
• 58:12
  I haven't been like a loyal, like I don't watch every single season.
• 58:16
  Yeah.
• 58:16
  But the last couple seasons I've been into, and I feel like this season now, I'm like, when is it coming back?
• 58:21
  I cannot wait.
• 58:22
  They used, so I've been, I would say I've been a loyal watcher since the beginning.
• 58:25
  I think I started watching it when I was in college.
• 58:27
  And I would watch it.
• 58:28
  It did come out when we in college.
• 58:29
  Yeah.
• 58:29
  Because when I was in college and I was doing my clinicals, the older women would watch it, that I was like.
• 58:34
  Doing clinicals with.
• 58:35
  Yeah.
• 58:35
  So I would watch it.
• 58:36
  So I would have like something to talk with them about.
• 58:38
  It was so good.
• 58:38
  And then I got hooked.
• 58:39
  Hooked.
• 58:40
  So now I'm hooked.
• 58:41
  My kids are all hooked.
• 58:42
  I love it.
• 58:43
  Nick.
• 58:43
  Nick is by default hooked.
• 58:44
  Yeah.
• 58:44
  And now, yeah, because it's like it's over.
• 58:45
  And I don't have anything to watch on Tuesday.
• 58:47
  I know.
• 58:47
  It's so boring.
• 58:48
  I feel like now I'm like, what are we gonna do with ourselves?
• 58:51
  It's like actually said, but I think I wanna take Mila in January.
• 58:54
  Yes.
• 58:54
  The tours coming.
• 58:55
  We're gonna to Mohegan.
• 58:56
  We're gonna go.
• 58:56
  Really?
• 58:56
  Yes.
• 58:57
  Me and RA are gonna go No way.
• 58:58
  Way.
• 58:58
  Because we've gone before.
• 58:59
  It's not really, did you already get tickets?
• 59:00
  No, we didn't.
• 59:01
  But we'll get them together.
• 59:02
  Let's get them together.
• 59:03
  But I wanna take Camille because I think she would love it.
• 59:06
  It is.
• 59:06
  I don't know.
• 59:07
  I just, I loved the show.
• 59:08
  I thought it was such a, so good.
• 59:09
  And I love how they figure it out.
• 59:11
  Like people consume stuff like through TikTok and social media.
• 59:15
  So they've woven those two world together.
• 59:17
  And the songs now, it's the songs are from like, everything just seems very current.
• 59:21
  Like they, they kept up with the time.
• 59:22
  I mean The freestyle.
• 59:23
  Did you see Whitney's freestyle that she did with call her Daddy?
• 59:26
  Yes.
• 59:26
  Yes.
• 59:26
  Did you see that?
• 59:27
  Yes.
• 59:27
  Of that was, of course, I couldn't wait.
• 59:29
  I was like waiting for the episode 8:00 PM to come out eight.
• 59:31
  I was like, I can't wait to see this.
• 59:32
  Yeah.
• 59:32
  And it was phenomenal.
• 59:34
  Yeah.
• 59:34
  So that was my pink spotlight, dancing with the stars.
• 59:36
  Oh, I love it.
• 59:36
  And if you don't watch it, go back and watch it.
• 59:38
  It's so good.
• 59:39
  I wanna, like the music this season was so good.
• 59:41
  Everything was so good.
• 59:42
  And I love that.
• 59:42
  And I love that the pros have really become like, they are like, they're stars.
• 59:48
  They're celebrities, they're stars.
• 59:49
  Yeah.
• 59:49
  Like they are, they're who I watch it for.
• 59:51
  Yeah.
• 59:51
  Like it's just incredible.
• 59:53
  I know.
• 59:53
  And I follow all of them.
• 59:54
  And now my algorithm is like all of them just dancing all the time.
• 59:57
  And that's what I've been saying where I'm just like, ugh.
• 1:00:00
  Like I feel like I'm just missing that so much.
• 1:00:02
  Yeah.
• 1:00:02
  And it's so good.
• 1:00:03
  And I'm not a dancer, so I can't appreciate obviously like the technique or all the other things that you, I'm sure your trained eye is too, but it's I love it.
• 1:00:11
  It's great.
• 1:00:11
  I do too.
• 1:00:11
  That's a good one.
• 1:00:12
  Yeah.
• 1:00:12
  It's something fun to watch with the kids.
• 1:00:15
  And Nick and I just finished watching last night, all Her Fault.
• 1:00:19
  Okay.
• 1:00:19
  I That's on our list.
• 1:00:20
  I heard that, that's pretty stressful though.
• 1:00:22
  Do I need that anxiety in my life?
• 1:00:24
  No it, no, it's not.
• 1:00:26
  Okay.
• 1:00:26
  The plot is that like a child gets abducted, however, exactly.
• 1:00:30
  However, it's not.
• 1:00:32
  It's not that.
• 1:00:33
  Okay.
• 1:00:33
  And I'll say that.
• 1:00:33
  Okay.
• 1:00:33
  It's not that.
• 1:00:34
  And I'll say that.
• 1:00:34
  Okay.
• 1:00:34
  It's the plot.
• 1:00:35
  It is such a nail biter to the very last second of the last episode.
• 1:00:39
  Okay.
• 1:00:40
  It's really good.
• 1:00:41
  It is not one of those shows where like a child gets abducted and that's the show.
• 1:00:45
  Okay.
• 1:00:45
  There's so much, there's so much more to, its really good.
• 1:00:48
  And we just started watching.
• 1:00:49
  'cause the same thing like now that our Tuesdays, I'm like, sorry.
• 1:00:52
  What are we gonna watch?
• 1:00:53
  'cause Raj was into it too.
• 1:00:54
  He loved it.
• 1:00:54
  We started watching the be I think it's The Beast in me with Claire Danes.
• 1:00:57
  Or it's something like, Ooh, beast, something.
• 1:00:59
  Is that Netflix?
• 1:01:00
  It's on Netflix.
• 1:01:00
  Okay.
• 1:01:00
  Maybe we'll watch that next.
• 1:01:01
  We only watched the first episode and that was really good too.
• 1:01:04
  That's good.
• 1:01:04
  Yeah.
• 1:01:04
  All right.
• 1:01:04
  Maybe now we'll flip flop.
• 1:01:05
  Okay.
• 1:01:06
  And all righty.
• 1:01:08
  Yeah.
• 1:01:09
  That's it.
• 1:01:09
  And so we will be back with you guys next week.
• 1:01:11
  Have a good week.
• 1:01:12
  Bye bye.