Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / SPIRITUAL ROAD MAPS

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SPIRITUAL ROAD MAPS · The Karen Kenney Show

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Karen Kenney: It's the Karen Kenney Show. Hey, you guys!
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Welcome to the Karen Kenney Show. I'm wicked excited to be
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here with you today. And today we're gonna go on a little
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journey. So I'm gonna call this sucka spiritual roadmaps. I
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don't know if it's the best title. I just have to pull these
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things kind of out of my ass, and I know I always laugh
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because I'm sure marketing people out there would be like,
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you should pick better titles. You should search what your
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quote-unquote ideal client or avatars are searching, and then
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take those keywords and put them in the titles. And you guys, I
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just I can't. I'm just not. This is not how my brain works. I'm
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kind of sometimes a literal person. It's like I'm the kind
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of person that if I see a title that piques my curiosity, I'm
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gonna go check it out. So I'm not super fancy. I'm just like,
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okay, we're gonna call this spiritual roadmaps. So hopefully
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enough of you are gonna be curious enough to give this
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sucker a listen, and here we are, and I'm back. Okay, so
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speaking of a road map, back in 1998, I was still living in
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California, and for a wicked long time, most of the time that
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I lived in LA and Los Angeles, I did not have a car. So I either
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took the bus, or my friends would pick me up and give me a
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ride to work, or whatever, right? But if you can imagine
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taking the bus for like six years, over six years in in LA
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was like a trip. But I eventually was able to get a
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car. I got a trusty old Toyota, as usual. It's all I've ever
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owned. I had a Toyota Forerunner, by far my favorite
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vehicle I've ever owned, and I was at this point in 1998
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getting ready to move back east. So I had to get my ass from
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Burbank, California, to Concord, New Hampshire. Like that was the
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thing. So I had met somebody and had fallen in love, and I was
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moving. I was leaving California to come back east, and I was
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going to be living in New Hampshire for the first time
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ever. And so back in the day, it was like when you drove cross
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country. Like you got to remember, 1998, there weren't
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cell phones, like at least you know regular cell phones, and
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there was not. There was no GPS. There was none of that stuff, so
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we did everything you guys by Papa Maps, if you can believe
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it. We had to navigate by Paper Maps, and what was wicked cool
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is that AAA. Like if you went into a AAA office, you could get
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these wicked cool things called triptychs. Now double A men
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hands, if you guys have ever had and used a triptych? Okay, so I
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am currently I have been a member of AAA for 31 years. AAA
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for me is just like a little peace of mind in my back pocket.
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I just get to go like, if God forbid I break down traveling
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somewhere, I can just call those guys and somebody's going to
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come and they're gonna help, you know, fix my flat or put the put
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the thing on or tow my car or get me the safety, right? So I
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was a AAA member. I knew I was doing this wicked long trip, and
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I went to go see them, and so it was gonna be like something like
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202,962 miles. This is like 44 hours of driving, and the cool
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thing about triptychs back in the day is you would go in, and
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this is all going to make sense in how it applies to your life.
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So please, just stay curious, stay like buckle up, buckle up
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for safety. Stay with me here. It's all going to make sense in
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a minute. So you would go into the office, and a AAA travel
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agent would literally print out your starting point, so you
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would basically go to them and you'd say, "I'm here right now,
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and I want to get here. I want to go over here, right?
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And you'd go into their office, and they would print out these
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really cool little spiral-bound maps, and it would be a
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continuous map from where you are all the way across the
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country or wherever you were going, and they would either
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bind them either on the top or the side, and then the travel
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agent would literally sit with you and they would take a
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highlighter and they would highlight by hand. They would
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draw by hand right that highlight line from the route to
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your beginning address to your final destination address. It
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was wild, and it was specific directions that were mapped out
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mile by mile by mile just for you. It was like a custom
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itinerary. It was so cool, and then they would also put in like
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points of interest. They would put in rest stops sometimes
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where you could find places to eat or bathrooms or whatever. It
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was so cool, and they'd be like, "Hey, when you're passing
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through here, you might want to go see the Grand Canyon. Hey,
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when you're passing by here, this is where the world's
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largest ball of twine or whatever it is, right? And you
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would want to go see these specific points. So it was so
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cool, and I. I was just thinking about this recently, and I was
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thinking about how coaching and spiritual mentoring-being a life
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coach, being a spiritual mentor, being a guide, whatever we want
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to call that that particular job, which is part of what I do
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in life. Whether you're a yoga teacher, anybody who's really
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teaching and leading other peoples, but usually with
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coaches and mentees in particular, it's very very
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similar to personal triptychs. They are literally like to me.
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What I'm doing as a spiritual menta is helping to route,
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helping people to find their way on their own spiritual like
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journey, on their own spiritual roadmap, and that's what a good
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coach or a mentor does is we help you with your roadmap. So
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sometimes people will come to you, you know, and they'll and
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you'll be like, okay, so you know we can use different
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language for it. But let's say they're suffering. Let's say
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there's a problem or a situation situation or a a particular
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mindset or a particular belief or story. I always talk in
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stories-a story that they're telling themselves. And this is
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what it usually is. They'll say, "I'm here, and but they don't
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want to be there anymore for whatever reason. They're like,
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"I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm so sick of thinking
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this way. I'm so sick of picking the wrong people. I'm so tired
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of not writing the book or not getting it done, like whatever
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kind of coach you are, right? And they'll say, "Okay, how do
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you want to feel instead? Where do you want to be instead?
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What's the vision you have for yourself? What's the goal? Where
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do you want to be? And it's like, "I'm here. I'm holding up
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my hand right over here on the left, and it's like, and I want
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to be here. And there's a gap in between those places, and that
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gap is usually the spiritual roadmap. It's the personal
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development roadmap, right? It's like, okay, this is this is the
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journey, as they would say. Like so many, so many coaches of
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coaches, they'll say things to you like when you're first
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starting out, right? So you're a person. is on Suffer Island over
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here, and they want to be on like Happy Island over here, and
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you are the thing that gets them from point A to point B. And I'd
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always be like, no, no, no, no, no. Like even that language
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never resonated with me. I'm like, I'm not the thing that
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gets them from point A to point B. They're the thing that gets
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them from point A to point B. My job is I'm going to help you map
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it out. I'm going to hopefully give you some helpful tools and
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resources that you can use, like that map. Right? I might talk
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you through some of the tough parts, right? So that's what a
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good coach will do. They'll say, "Okay, this is where you are.
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You're anxious. You're this. You're that. Here are some
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tools, right, to help maybe regulate, right? And I, I'm, I'm
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very, I'm very.
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I always say, I, I think we've been sold this bill of goods
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that we have to have like a regulated nervous system all the
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time, which for me is like impossible. I think I talked
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about this last week. What I what I like to help people to do
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is to have a more resourceful nervous system, a more resilient
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nervous system, a nervous system that can respond to life, right?
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And yeah, sometimes you're going to feel really regulated and
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great, but a lot of times we're gonna we're gonna jump out of
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like our happy space, our nice calm regulated space because
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life happens and shit happens, and you get anxious or you get
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nervous, you get depressed, you get whatever. For me, a healthy
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nervous system a lot is one that can come back to that state, but
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it doesn't mean you just stay in it all the time, like blissful.
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That that to me is just not realistic. So what a good coach
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can do is say, okay, we're here. Here are some tools to help you
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do X, Y, and Z, right? To maybe bring you out of a you know like
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fight and flight, out of the fear state, back to a state
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where your prefrontal cortex can come back online, where your
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creative thinking and your problem solving can happen, and
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you can make a choice from a place of love, from a place of
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more calm and ease, so that you're not out of your mind when
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you're making decisions. Right, and here are some steps you can
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take. Here are some tools and some resources. Here are some
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books you can read. Here's what my lived experience has been. If
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any part of my story helps, right? Here's a part of it. Or
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tell me more about your story. Let's look at these patterns and
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these habits. Whatever you're getting, the gist of what I'm
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saying, right? So we can kind of map things out. We can give
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resources, and we can say, hey, if you're over here, right,
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point A, right, and you want to get to this other place, here
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are some things that you can do. Here are the things that you can
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follow. Whether you want to call them steps, whether you want to
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call them putting tools in the toolkit, what whatever it is,
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systems you want to put some systems in place. You want to
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build better habits. You want to change the identity. You want to
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rewire the subconscious. You want to you. Know put in
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whatever tools you're using, right? That's what a good coach
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can do. But what we cannot do, just like AAA, triple A was
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like, hey, you're taking this trip. Here's your little
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triptych. Here's some places where you might need to stop and
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rest, right? And that's what I always say that a good spiritual
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mentor or a good coach does is we will often say like hey
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here's some places where you might need to take a little nap
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here's where you might need to take a little rest it's almost
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like a sherpa who has traveled the mountain before you and has
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found some places has found some tools is like hey when you're
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packing your bag you might want to throw this in there, and hey,
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when you get wicked tired, you might want to rest. Or hey, this
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is going to be the point on the trip when you're probably going
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to want to give up. It's going to be like probably right before
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the good stuff is going to happen, and you're going to
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think like, oh, I can't do it. I can't change. It's not going to
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happen. Da da da da da. So we're very similar, right, to that AAA
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agent, like giving you a. I think of it as like a spiritual
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triptych. You know what I mean? It's like we're gonna try and
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help you to get from point A to point B. But the thing that we
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can't do, just like the AAA agent can't do, is get in the
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car with you and drive. We cannot do the driving for you.
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You know what I mean. And I think of it like this: It's
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like, yeah, you know, if you're somebody who does spiritual
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mentoring or coaching, you get coaching in person, right? Like
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I think about my friend Walter Norton Jr.
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who I'm actually wearing one of their shirts, the Institute of
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Performance and fitness, they're in North Reading, Massachusetts.
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So if you're trying to get stronger for your particular
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sport, or you're just an adult athlete and trying to like you
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know stay strong, keep muscle in your body, move, be
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cardiovascularly strong, stay healthy, have a better mindset,
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all that stuff, right? Yeah, you can go into the gym, and Walt is
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going to be in the gym with you, and he's going to be doing some
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demonstrations, and he's going to be showing you, hey, if you
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want to get from point A to point B, this is the shit you
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need to do. But what he's not going to do for you, he's not
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going to lift the weights for you. He's not going to eat the
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good breakfast for you. He's not going to be like in bed making
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with you, making sure you're getting enough rest, or that
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you're checking your shitty attitude at the door, or
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whatever. He can't do that for you, and I can't do that for you
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either. And neither can the people around you, whether it's
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a therapist or a coach or a mentor or a priest or your
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family members or whatever. We can accompany you. I always say
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I can accompany you. I might be able to take part of the ride
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with you. I can walk along beside you. I can maybe even
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hold your hand when things get tough. You know, you can call
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us. I always say you can call me. Like if you get a flat tire,
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you know, quote unquote flat tire, you can call me if you're
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at a rest stop and you're exhausted and you're like, I
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need a little guidance. You're feeling down in the dumps. You
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need a little pep talk. You need a little support. A little
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cheerleading. I'm, I'm, I'm your person. I can do that, but I
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cannot drive for you. I cannot. Jesus, take the wheel, right?
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Even Jesus, like we say, Jesus, take the wheel. Like we jokingly
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laugh, right? But like on this trip, you've got to take the
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wheel. And one of the things is is that I often will say to to
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people, you know, and whether that's whether that's in yoga,
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whether that's been in like helping people with writing or
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speaking, or you know, helping people with spiritual mentoring,
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coaching, whatever, et cetera, et cetera, in the nest,
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whatever. At some point, I have said to people, you know, again
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and again, I can't want this more than you do. It makes no
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sense for me to want the destination or the desired
13:58
outcome more than you do. You have got to want it, and what I
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have discovered over many, many, many years of doing this work,
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and I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating,
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is that so many people want change. They want the new
14:18
outcome. They want the new feeling. They want the new
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experience. They want to have more money. They want to have
14:24
more joy. They want to have better health. They want to have
14:28
deeper, intimate relationships. They want to have fill in the
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blank. I want. I want. I want. But a lot of times, what people
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don't want, they want change, but they don't want to change.
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And a lot of times, people think, "Well, if I read the
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book, reading a book is fucking amazing. Don't get me wrong, but
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what a lot of people tend to do when they go to work with
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coaches or they go to work with people is that they like to
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gather a ton of information. They're excellent, especially
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the super smart ones. The people who love to intellectualize,
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right? They don't like to feel too much. They like to think a
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lot, and they like to rationalize, and they like to
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intellectualize, and they like to talk it out. They like to
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talk about things. What a lot of times they don't like to do is
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feel things. And a lot of times, what all kinds of people, right?
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I call it an application of the theory problem. They have all
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the information. They apply. They they like they gather it.
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They got the books. They read the podcast. They signed up for
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the courses. They watched the videos. They journaled the
15:36
things down.
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What they haven't done is take action. They haven't gotten in
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the car, gotten the damn triptych, and actually applied
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that shit. You know, and that's the thing. One of the cool
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things about a Course in Miracles, no matter what people
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think about it, right? It's not a religion. It's it's like kind
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of think of it as like spiritual psychotherapy. But one of the
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things I always thought was so fascinating about a course in
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miracles over 35 years of being in relationship with this
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material is that in the beginning, the first half, the
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first section of the book is like the text, and this is like
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the the theological. It's like the the theoretical principles.
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It kind of lays out all these thoughts and ideas, but the
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middle of it is the workbook. There's 365 daily lessons, and
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the workbook is the practical application of the spiritual
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theories, right, that have been laid forth in the text. And so
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many people will say shit to me like, "Oh, I did a course in
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miracles, and I'm like, "Oh, did you? Did you? I'm like, "You
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might have read it, but did you apply it? Did you actually apply
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the daily workbook lessons to your life? Because you can't do
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this kind of work, Course and Miracles or otherwise. You
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cannot read all the books and listen to the podcast and do all
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this. In in if you apply it, change is probably going to
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happen. It more than likely, right? You, you, you. Maybe it
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won't get you to point B to your full destination, but it's going
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to get you like most of the way or part of the way. But you've
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got to be the one who takes the triptych, who takes the
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resources, who takes the information, and then does
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something with it. And I understand you guys. I
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understand we bump up against so much resistance. Some people
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might call it procrastination. Some people might call it fear.
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To me, resistance is fear. Like I totally get it. I have bumped
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up against so much resistance in my life, I I cannot tell you
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like double amen hands. I get it. I feel it. I've been there.
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Sometimes I still find myself there, and then I literally have
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to like I jokingly say I got to Goggins myself, right? I got to
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be like, doesn't matter that you don't feel like it right now.
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You made a commitment. You got to keep your word to yourself,
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or you got to keep your word to that person or whatever it is,
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but here's wicked good news, you guys. And the next, I don't know
18:05
if it's going to be the next episode or two episodes after
18:09
that. I'm having a guest on my show. It's rare, you guys know.
18:15
It's rare that I have guests on one, like a few times a year.
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This is a guest that was. I have this list of people I would love
18:22
to talk to and have on the show, and this is a fellow writer.
18:28
This is an author who I love, and he is what I would call one
18:33
of the the great. I don't even know if I. He is like to me when
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I think of resistance. He is the number one person that comes to
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mind, and helping people to break through resistance. I
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cannot wait. I cannot wait for you guys. Oh my God! I can't
18:50
wait. I can't wait to do the interview. Never mind. So I'm
18:54
wicked excited to talk to him. I'm I'm kind of like teasing,
18:57
like, oh, should I say who it is? Should I say who it is? Oh
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my God, you guys! I don't think I'm going to tell you just yet.
19:03
We'll see. But it's like buckle up for safety and stay tuned. So
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if you're somebody who who who bumps up against resistance,
19:12
whether it's in setting goals or taking action or doing the damn
19:16
thing or writing the book or starting the whatever it is, my
19:20
guest is going to be able to help you with that, so stay
19:22
tuned for that. But this is what I want to say, you guys. So
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often we have this idea, like I'm here and I'm stuck here, and
19:29
there is so much help out there. But you have got to, you know.
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There's that old Joe. I think it's Joe Lewis quote.
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I've talked about it before, and Joe Lewis says, you know, like I
19:41
can teach you. He's a boxer. He's a fighter, and he's like, I
19:45
can teach you all of like the moves. I can teach you the
19:48
punches. I can teach you all of that. And he's like, but I can't
19:51
make you a fighter. That has to come from inside of you. And
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it's true, you know. And I know, like for a lot of community. For
20:00
a lot of people, they don't feel resourced enough. They don't
20:04
feel like that they can, you know, that old kind of American
20:07
adage of like pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Well, some
20:11
people don't have straps and some people don't have boots.
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You know what I mean? So a lot of us do start in different
20:17
places with more privilege or more resources, more money, more
20:21
help, more support economically, you know, financially,
20:26
familialy, like your family. You have people around you who care
20:29
about you. Whatever, I get all that, but this is something
20:32
where, like, I really feel like this is why I said I've always
20:35
loved libraries because I think libraries even out the playing
20:39
field for poor kids, for underprivileged, for people who
20:43
maybe have not gotten an education, does not have the
20:47
resources or the know-how how to help themselves, and this is
20:50
why, to me, librarians are some of the greatest champions that
20:53
we have on the planet. But for those of you who are out there
20:57
and you are like trying to do the personal development work or
21:00
the spiritual work, and all the people who are quote unquote
21:04
doing the work. The work actually takes work, and like I
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said, you can hire all the people you want. You can go to
21:11
therapy all you want. You can get the coach. You can whatever.
21:15
You can hire the personal trainer, but the personal
21:17
trainer is not going to lift the weights for you. The coach is
21:21
not gonna do do the like you know I can't come to your house
21:26
and make you do the homework that you get or I can't make you
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apply the tool when you're being anxious you know and a lot of
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times we hold on to those old patterns we hold on to those old
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behaviors we hold on to those old ways of thinking. We hold on
21:43
to those old stories, and we refuse to give up the stories.
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Like I always say, we want to move from our story to our
21:50
glory. You know, we want to move from that old way of thinking
21:54
that limits us and keeps us stuck, so that we can move into
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the fullness, the wholeness, the truth. You know, that capital S
22:02
self that we really are, and whoever is helping you, whoever
22:07
is working with you, whoever is walking along beside you, cannot
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make you do it. They cannot make you want it. You have got to
22:15
want it, and you got to take your triptych and you got to
22:19
apply it. You got to get in the car. You got to start the car,
22:21
and you got to put your foot on the gas, you know. And like I
22:24
always say, like you know, I offer these things called hot to
22:27
hot days because not everybody, you know, wants to jump right
22:33
into like four months of one to one coaching, right? So that's
22:36
my program, the Nest. I mean, the Quest, right? So not
22:39
everybody wants to jump into that, but I do these things
22:42
called hot to hot days, where it's like I call it like having
22:46
a coach in your pocket for like one day. So you choose either
22:49
like three hours or six hours. It's like a half day, more than
22:52
a half day, where we just over the boxer app. It's like a voice
22:57
messaging app. We go back and forth. It's not like nonstop,
23:01
right? This you could take a break, take your dog for a walk,
23:03
take a shower, eat some snacks, whatever. You know, use the
23:06
bathroom, whatever. But we're there to like work out whatever
23:10
it is that's on your mind or on your heart.
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And you know how those days when you just need a good hat to
23:15
heart, you just need somebody to listen or to maybe help you look
23:19
at something from a different perspective or just get you know
23:22
somebody have somebody you trust to help you work through a
23:26
thing, and sometimes you don't even know exactly what the thing
23:30
is. You just know something's off, or something's wrong, or
23:32
you're in a funk or whatever. And so you know I do these
23:35
things called called hot to hot days, and that's the thing. It's
23:39
like somebody can walk along beside you, like even on a hot
23:42
to hot day, and be with you. I can be with you for part of the
23:46
way, but whatever I'm going to say to you, or whatever tools or
23:50
resources I might offer up, I can't make you use them. And I
23:55
think this is the thing that we often see. And unfortunately,
23:59
you know, we have a part of us. There's often a part of us that
24:03
maybe some people call it like the saboteur. It's like that
24:06
part of you that sabotages, but sometimes like that part of us
24:11
thinks that it's actually protecting us. It's like, well,
24:14
we can't do that because because what is maybe more healthy or
24:20
what is maybe more compassionate or kind, or what is more loving,
24:24
or maybe the thing is setting a boundary, even though it might
24:28
be you know again quote unquote better for us, it's unfamiliar.
24:33
Saying no to people, putting boundaries in place, going to
24:38
the gym, or starting to write that first paragraph, our first
24:42
sentence of your novel, or your book, or your memoir, or you
24:45
know, trying something new. You know, a lot of times for people,
24:50
the thing that would be safe, safety doesn't always feel safe
24:54
when it's unfamiliar to you. You know, it's like people all say,
24:59
like, "Oh, I want to." I want to be, you know, a part of
25:01
something, and then they get around other people who see them
25:04
and love them, and their just nervous system go freaks out.
25:06
It's like it doesn't know how to be around people who are saying
25:10
nice things or kind things or supportive things or you know
25:14
unshaming things, even though what we really need is an
25:17
unshaming witness. We're like, this is weird. What's their
25:20
agenda? What do they want? Right, like we have a trust
25:22
problem. So, I get it, I get it. But I just thought that this was
25:27
an interesting correlation of how, like you know, AAA, like
25:31
we'll say, like I'm gonna draw, I'm gonna highlight this sucker
25:34
for you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you. You want to get from
25:36
point A to point B. Here's how you do it, and I think that's
25:39
what good coaches and good mentors do as well. You have a
25:43
goal. You have a desired outcome. You have a
25:45
transformation that you're that you're hoping to get, and you've
25:49
got to be you've got to be really present and really active
25:54
and really willing and really curious. And look, you're gonna
25:58
feel like you took two steps forward, a step back. You're
26:02
gonna hit a wall. You might get discouraged, but the thing is,
26:05
is we gotta keep going. We gotta keep moving forward. We take
26:09
periods when we rest. Absolutely, that's the thing. I
26:13
always say you don't have to. You don't have like nobody can
26:17
do the work for you, but you do not. You do not have to do it
26:21
alone, and that's what we do in the Nest. The Nest is my
26:24
spiritual group and community, my coaching group and community,
26:29
where the Nesties we call them the Nesties, right? All get
26:32
together, and it's a great supported, supportive community.
26:35
Wicked nice people. I just adore them. I love them. And you guys,
26:39
in anything I talk about whether it's hot to hot days or the nest
26:42
or the quest or right club, like anything I do. Yoga classes,
26:46
Thai yoga, you know, body work, tayoga massage. You can find it
26:49
all on my website. Just go to karenkenney.com, and if you want
26:54
to get the podcast into your inbox every Thursday morning, or
26:58
you want to know what kind of shenanigans or workshops I have
27:00
going on.
27:02
We have a write club coming up this Saturday, august 15 in
27:07
Concord, New Hampshire at the 11th letter at the 11th letter
27:10
writing gallery. But all that stuff. If you want to get it
27:12
right into your inbox, just go to karenkenney.com/sign up, and
27:16
that's where you can find it. So you guys, I hope this was
27:20
helpful in some way. I'm just kind of like I like to sometimes
27:24
when I have a thought where I draw a parallel and I'm like, oh
27:27
my god, that makes me think of that. I wanted to share it with
27:30
you. And if you're somebody like I said who's looking for some
27:33
coaching or some mentoring, even if it's not with me, just make
27:36
sure you do your homework. Make sure you find out you know a
27:39
little bit more about who this person is. Maybe get a personal
27:42
referral or personal recommendation. I always love
27:46
when I get those. I always love when somebody that I know or
27:49
have worked with or love sends me somebody that they love into
27:53
my care, and then I pledge to do my best to try to be helpful.
27:57
But just just make sure like do your homework and find out so
28:00
you're not just giving your money away to a knucklehead or
28:03
somebody who's not really going to have you back. You know what
28:05
I mean? All right, you guys. Thank you for tuning in. Thank
28:07
you for being here. I hope you have a fantastic rest of your
28:10
week. Whenever you're listening to this, and wherever you go,
28:13
may you leave yourself and the animals and the other people and
28:18
the places and the environment better than how you first found
28:21
it. Wherever you go, may you and your presence and your love and
28:26
your attitude and your energy may be a blessing. Bye. Hey,
28:31
thanks so much for listening to the show. I really love spending
28:35
some time together. Now, if you dig the show or know someone
28:38
that could benefit from this episode, please share it with
28:41
them and help me to spread the good word and the love. And if
28:45
you want to be in the know about all of my upcoming shenanigans,
28:49
head on over to karenkenney.com/signup and join
28:54
my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye.