Latest / Life Rescue with Lisa Dwoskin / Let Them: The Hard Truth About Letting Go of Control & Expectations-Life Rescue Podcast
Transcript
- riverside edit 02 lisa — take 02 lisa dwoskin's stud: Hello everybody and welcome back to Life Rescue TV with Lisa. I am so grateful for all of you, thankful for all of you. And I just want to say I love all the comments, all the like, all the shares, all the messages and the texts I'm getting. Don't forget 754-222-4413. Let me know any questions you have, anything you want to talk about. Let me know how you're feeling, how you're doing, what you're going through, what you've been through. I want to hear from you. I love to hear your stories. I love to have new guests on my podcast. As long as you have something that you want to share with the people to make the world a better place, to rescue your life, mind, body, body, strength, and spirit. So let's all take a beautiful deep breath. Positive energy in, exhaling out any and negative energy, anything that is no longer serving your highest good. Okay, get rid of it. Like this says right over here. Let that shit go. Okay. And that's telling myself the same thing. Let it go. Let it go. So with that in mind, let it go. My podcast for today, my topic. Is let them let them letting go of control and expectations. So I want you all to know when I do a podcast, it when I do it by myself without a guest, it's always something that I'm going through in my life or I've been through that I want to share with all of you because I know that all of you are going through very similar things. The whole world is going through it. So as long as we all have a voice, we could share with each other, inspire each other, motivate each other, and make the world a better place. So my best friend, Sari, hi Sari. She recommended a book to me called Let Them. Okay. Let them by Mel Robbins. This book has slowly started to change my life. And will continue to do so because I'm only halfway through the book. And it's funny because I read the second half of the book and then went to the first part of the book. But I probably will read this book two to three times, maybe four. That's how good the book is. So it's all about letting them the name of the book, but then let me. So let them be who they are and let me. Be who I am. Let me take care of me. So let's jump right into it. This podcast is not going to be too long. So I just want to talk about why letting go is so hard to do. And my goodness, this one's for me. The need to control people's situations or outcome. Now I used to be more controlling than I am now. Thank God. And if my mom's watching this, she's laughing because my dad is quite a control freak. And I took after him. And I did want to control people. The older I got, the more I learned that I can't control my kids, my significant other, I can't control my friends. I had to let go of controlling people. And that was difficult, but I did a pretty good job with that. What I I'm still working on myself is letting control of the outcomes with people. Okay, so that's a whole nother thing. So the need to control people, situations, and outcomes, because I'm always wanting to control the outcome. I'm a Capricorn, very strong, independent woman who has my whole life plan, even since I was five years old. I wanted a daughter, I wanted a son, I wanted to run a business, I wanted to get married before thirty. Everything that I put out to the universe, I manifest because I create the intention, I ask, I believe, and I receive. And I know that that works because I've done it my whole life. The thing is, is sometimes when I'm trying so hard to control that situation or the outcome. with another person involved, which always is, whether it's work, children, spouse, whatever, it's always causing me heartache and trauma and drama and and it's me letting me try to do this. So now I'm learning how to let them, right? Okay, so why uncertainty makes us uncomfortable? wow. This one is totally for Lisa Duaskin right here. I do not like uncertainty. When I am in between point A and point B, that uncertain part drives me crazy. Now I know it drives a lot of you crazy as well, but I feel me especially I do not like uncertainty. I do go with the flow sometimes. I can be present in the moment. But if I don't know what's going on and you don't communicate with me, and I'm all up in my head trying to have the angel over here talking to me and the devil over here talking to me, it's hard. That uncertainty I do not like. So for me, it's very uncomfortable. Trying to make things happen the way we believe they should. Okay, the more I've gotten into prayer every day 'cause meditation I do every day, no matter what. Whether it's right here, putting my palms up like this, closing my eyes and breathing in. Holding my breath and exhaling out. Doing that three times morning, afternoon, and night. That's a meditation. I usually meditate every morning for five to ten minutes and then in yoga I meditate. I don't have a problem with meditating in prayers. I do say my prayers, but now I'm making it a disciplinary routine on my schedule to pray for. A while I pray with my hands to my heart, I pray with my hands to my third eye, and then I pray with my arms up, receiving from my higher power the universe. Then I bring it back to my heart, I close my eyes, I breathe in, I exhale out, and then I meditate. And when I meditate, I usually get answers from my higher power. So Really, it's important to try not to control the outcome or think that everything should be the way we want it to be. It's about divine timing, divine, your divine, your higher power, the universe. It's all about divine timing. Sometimes it's not when you want it, but when it's God wants it or whatever it is you believe in. Okay. Number two, why we try to control others. Expectations and relationships, family, friendships, wanting people to understand us to change or respond differently in situations, recognizing what is and isn't in our control. So now before I go back, before I go to number three, let's go back. Expectations in relationships, family and friendships. Okay, this is another one I'm working on right now with my relationship. My expectations are up here, and I realized when we were having issues that I have to let up controlling with the expectations because I'm always gonna be disappointed because no one Is going to give you every single thing that you expect if your expectations are up here. Okay. Expectations are good. Don't you know go down here to the ground. You should have expectations, but keep them realistic and keep in mind that you can only control you. You cannot control others. Let them let them be. Don't try to change them because you cannot control or change another person. And I am an empath, I'm a healer, I'm a life coach, I'm a trainer. I'm constantly helping others to better themselves with their mind, with their body, with their body, yes, and with their spirit, spiritual path. Although I can teach, I can educate, I can inspire, and I can motivate, but I cannot change a person if they don't want to change. And some people don't change, some people won't. And that's been another very hard thing for me to grasp the concept that not everybody is capable of changing. I mean I say that and I don't believe what I just said, so let me explain that a little bit different. I believe that everybody can change. I believe that. And I'm a very strong, disciplined go-getter, constantly consistent, never give up, no matter what, kind of person. Not everybody is like that, and that's okay. I don't expect everyone to be like that. Although What I do know is if the person doesn't want to change, nothing you do will help them to change. Okay. So just keep that in mind. I mean, you can help them, but you can't make it happen. They have to make it happen. They have to do the work. They have to want the change. They have to want it more than you want it for them. Okay. Number three, the power of let them. Okay, let them. I love this book. I want to sleep with this book and cuddle with it at night. That's how much I love it. And a big shout out to Mel Robbins. Wow. She's amazing. Her story is amazing. So the power of let them. Allowing people to make their own choices. You can help. You can implant little seeds. You can give them little ideas, motivations, inspiring them. But allow them to make their own choices. Nobody wants to be controlled. And the more you try to control a person, the less they're going to want to change. So let them make their own choices, accepting that everyone has their own perspective. Everyone has their own opinion. Everybody's different. We all don't think the same, act the same. We're all different personalities, different souls, so let them have their own perspective. Letting go without agreeing with or accepting everything. That's a big one. Just because I don't agree with the choice my significant other makes or my daughter makes or my son makes, it doesn't matter. I could disagree, but it's up to them. to make their own choices. So I have to let go. If they ask my opinion, I'll give it, but then I have to step back and let it go. And you know what? That's a big thing. Especially with my daughter, it's funny. She's like, I'm not asking your opinion, Mom. Cause I'm a major opinionated person. Cause I'm always educating and helping and teaching and inspiring and motivating. It's so hard for me to zip it, but My daughters helped me with that by telling me, Mom, when I'm upset and I'm talking to you and I'm telling you things, and my significant other has told me that too, Brian. Just listen. I don't need your opinion. I don't want a solution. I just want to be heard. Like we women just want to be heard. So I get it. And I'm working on it with this book, with the help of this book. Okay. Number four: the weight of expectations. Expecting others to love, communicate, or show up the way you do. That's a big one. I have had that in my marriage to my kids' dad. I used to be like Matt, Matt's his name. Why can't you be like my gay bestie? He's so awesome. And Matt would be like, because I'm not your gay bestie. I'm your husband. I'm different. I'm not gay. I'm straight. Not that that matters, but he was my gay bestie. He was like a girl, a diva. He still is. And Matt wasn't like him at all. So it would make me laugh now thinking about it because we have to let the people show up who they are. And if you don't like it, don't be with the person. But don't try to change who they are as a person because it's never gonna happen. Holding on to who we hope someone will become. wow. That's huge for me. Always looking at the potential of a person instead of who the person is now at this moment. Always hoping they're going to become something else, something greater. That goes with kids, that goes with spouses, that goes with friends, anything. But you can't be with a person with the hope of the potential that they're going to change, because what if they don't? So accept them for who they are. Accepting reality instead of fighting it. Yes. Accept reality. Very important. Grieving the gap between expectations and reality. That's very true. You have to let go of all those expectations and live in reality. You hear that, Lisa? Do you hear that, Lisa? That's what I gotta tell myself. Live in reality, not in the future, not in what you hope that everything's going to become. Live in the now, the present. Let them and let me. This is number five. Let them and let me. Let them be who they are. No matter what, no matter how you feel, let them be who they are. decide who I am, what I need, and what I want. So if you're letting the other person in your life be who they are, you need to live with yourself, is the way that they're being okay with what you want out of life. So when I say let them, you can let the person in your life be whoever they are. That doesn't mean you have to stay with them. But you have to let them be who they are. They want to change, let them change. If they don't, they don't. But you need to take care of you. So let them be and let me be who I am. Very important. Let me decide what I need, what I want. Boundaries, self-respect, personal responsibility. So recently I've been journaling a lot, a lot, and I'm really seeing things. that I thought I've worked on and I have worked on, but I still need more to work on. We are all on this journey of life, which is a roller coaster. I'm gonna say my mom's favorite word, a friggin roller coaster. Cause I don't like to drop the F bomb, especially on here, but in real life either. But I say friggin' a lot and it drives my mom crazy. But anyway, mom, if you're watching, hi, I freaking love you. So anyway, friggin, yes, I love that word. Take personal responsibility for yourself and do what you want to do for yourself. Boundaries, respect and personal responsibility for yourself. Let them be who they are. Let me decide what I need and want. Boundaries, self-respect, personal responsibility for yourself, and reclaim your own power. That is so important. That's another thing that I've been going through. I worry so much about everybody. We live here in a house with five people. I have a 21-year-old, a 20-year-old, an 11-year-old, Brian, myself, now a new dog who's Almost seven months, who's driving us all crazy, but he's the cutest thing. But I was so worried about what Brian's doing in his career, what my daughter's doing, what my son is doing, what the little one's doing, what's going on with the dog, that I gave up my power to take care of everybody else and worry about everybody else, and it's not their fault. It's my fault. So I reclaimed my power and I'm learning how to let them. And let me have a good, happy, joyful, fulfilled life. Okay, we got two more. Learning to let go. Big one learning to let go. What am I trying to control? Really, what am I trying to control? That's what I journal a lot about. What am I trying to control? I can't control anything that's out of here. Me. Me. Okay. I can't control everything and everyone. And it gets exhausting. So think about that question. What are you trying to control? That you need to let go of because it's not healthy for you. Is it actually within your control? Probably not. Because most of the things we want to control, we can't. So we have to let go, let God, and let me be who I want to be. Let them be who they want to be. What expectations do I need to release? So that is what I've been Really working on in my journal? What expectations do I need to release in order to let me be? I like all these rhymes, right? Let me let them let me be. Okay, what can I do for myself right now? What can I do for myself right now? So when I decided to start, I think it's about Eight weeks ago, two months ago, is to wake up every morning with the sunrise. Go for a walk at least 20 minutes. Not like a power walk working out, just a walk. Get your body moving. This is what I'm doing for myself. Then I watch the sun come up and I breathe in that positive energy from the sun and I release any negative energy. And then, like I told you, I sit down, I pray. And then I meditate and I listen to my higher powers, speak to me, God, the universe, spirit guides. And then I go back to my home and I sit down. I read positive affirmations for like five minutes. And then I journal. And let me tell you something, it's really changed my life. Little by little, it's not like you're gonna start this and you're poof, life is gonna be great and perfect. No, it's never gonna be perfect. It's always like this, a roller coaster. But it has made my life so much better. I start my day off so much more peacefully, happier, joyful. Those were the things that I was missing for a while. So what can you do for yourself right now that will help yourself let them be and let you be you? Okay, number seven, the last one. Find peace within yourself. This is the biggest thing in my life. Everyone asks me, how do you define happiness? I define happiness with peace, love, light, peace, peace. But I am gonna get that tattoo right here very soon. Peace, love, light. Peace. Defines happiness in my life because when I don't have peace, I ain't happy, things are not good. When I'm all over the place, chaos, anxiety, craziness, no, it doesn't bring happiness. Peace brings stillness, quiet, it also brings happiness, joyful laughter. You have to have peace within your life. And if you don't make a change, Because you have to fill yourself with peace. Okay. We cannot change everyone, but we can change how we respond to everyone. And if my kids were both sitting here, Blake and Ashley, they could definitely tell you that I have changed the way I respond. Thank goodness. Cause this A-type personality was very stressed out most of her life. And now that I'm older and wiser, I respond differently, more calm and with peace in my heart, in my soul, in my life. It helps me to respond better. Letting go is not giving up, it's choosing peace. So in my house of five, when I see the little one eating something bad. And my s son who's twenty whose room is a mess. I let them I let it go. If my daughter's upset about something, Brian, whatever it is, I'm I'm not perfect, like I said, it's a work in progress. I am letting it go more often and choosing peace instead of always trying to change the other person and be right. No, because that made me not peaceful it made me stressed out. I'm choosing Peace for myself. Okay. Releasing expectations while honoring our own needs. So important. Like I said, don't have your expectations up here, but don't have them down in the ground. Stay true to yourself. Do not let go of your own needs, but maybe release those higher expectations. Bring them down to maybe here, middle ground. But always be true to you. Returning to ourselves, our purpose, and our inner light. So I love to say this, and I'm gonna end on this one. You are the light, you are peace, you are love, you are enough. So remember that. Return to your purpose. What is your purpose? You are the light within you. And you are all that you need. And that is what I'm telling myself all the time. When my soulmate puppy died, my dog at 14, Bella, I said to my therapist, because I do have a therapist and I'm proud of it, because we all need a coach. Watch the last podcast. She said, Lisa, I said, What am I gonna do? Soulmate, I don't have my dog, my unconditional love. She said, You are your own light, and that's Joan Child. So go check her out. Do you hate the one you love? I did a podcast with her as well. And when she said that it hit hard. Okay, I got another dog, because there's nothing like having a dog, unconditional love, and I wanted one. But she was right. I found the light within myself. Now last Point, and I'm going to say goodbye. If you don't know what your purpose is in life, you can't go out and find it. Okay. It's not over there behind the couch, behind the door, behind the camera. No. You need to go within to realize and develop what your purpose is in this life. Because if you don't love yourself and you don't respect yourself, and if you don't feel worthy of yourself, then how are you going to know what your purpose is? Start journaling, start reading positive affirmations, telling yourself, you are love, you are peace, you are enough, and you are the light. And once you tell yourself that enough and you believe it, truly believe it, you will know what your purpose is in life. So namaste, everybody, breathe in. Peace, love, and light. Exhale out. Anything that no longer serves your highest purpose in life. Okay? Don't forget to call 754-222-222. 4413. Like, comment, and share on this podcast. Have a beautiful, beautiful, and blessed day. Namaste, everybody. And I will see you next week on Life Rescue with Lisa. Don't forget, life rescue is a movement, it's a way of life. And a lot more is coming soon from Life Rescue. Bye.