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Why Can't Men Express Their Feelings Without Being Shamed?! · The Breakfast Club

0:00
Speaker 1: Wanting everybody as J n V. Charlemagne to God, we
0:03
Speaker 1: ought to breakfast club.
0:05
Speaker 2: If you're just joining us with celebrating the twentieth anniversary
0:07
Speaker 2: of wilding Out.
0:08
Speaker 1: You could take your headphones off. Guys, you can take
0:10
Speaker 1: you headphones, take their headphones off. I'm sorry, I shouldn't
0:12
Speaker 1: tell you.
0:12
Speaker 3: That, something like we're like no head yeah, sorry, Yeah,
0:16
Speaker 3: that's our first day.
0:17
Speaker 2: But we're celebrating the twentieth anniversary of wilding Out and
0:20
Speaker 2: we have b some moaning Justina Valentine this morning.
0:23
Speaker 1: Yes, and we're asking eight hundred.
0:25
Speaker 2: Five eighty five five one? Can men show weakness? Can
0:28
Speaker 2: they show vulnerability? Can they be open and free with
0:32
Speaker 2: their feelings without looking like a suck up some time?
0:35
Speaker 3: M cand But is it worth it?
0:36
Speaker 4: It's probably not.
0:38
Speaker 3: It is worth it if you do it the right way.
0:40
Speaker 3: Talk to us.
0:41
Speaker 5: You can't do it. First of all, the Internet is
0:44
Speaker 5: never going to be a place where hundreds and thousands
0:47
Speaker 5: of people aren't going to attack somebody and have opinions.
0:49
Speaker 6: That's right.
0:50
Speaker 5: So at the end of the day, if I'm putting
0:51
Speaker 5: something on the Internet, I have to know that that's
0:53
Speaker 5: going to happen.
0:55
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you have to be fine with you. But
0:56
Speaker 4: I know one thing for sure, And do you think
0:57
Speaker 4: for certain my man better let me bust it open
0:59
Speaker 4: our break or whomever like he better not say nothing
1:02
Speaker 4: about forget.
1:04
Speaker 7: I mean, why do you why do y'all think a
1:09
Speaker 7: man should just be okay with that?
1:11
Speaker 3: I love you, You're my woman.
1:13
Speaker 7: If I've committed to you in that way, like say,
1:15
Speaker 7: like they were married, you know, we got children together.
1:18
Speaker 7: Why can't my feelings be hurt if I see you
1:20
Speaker 7: busting it open on anybody?
1:21
Speaker 4: I think it can be if she's not like in
1:24
Speaker 4: the entertainment space. But again, Kiki is an entertainer. She
1:28
Speaker 4: had eyes on her. This is why Usher picked her
1:31
Speaker 4: out of the crowd to dance with her, because she
1:32
Speaker 4: is who she is. So that's why I think she
1:34
Speaker 4: gets a free passage.
1:36
Speaker 1: She has a baby relationship, She didn't bang them.
1:39
Speaker 7: She just like what y'all do, That it's all entertainment
1:42
Speaker 7: thing is not a valid excuse.
1:44
Speaker 1: And guess what well then I need in.
1:47
Speaker 7: This industry, we used to take our we were told
1:49
Speaker 7: not to wear all wedding rings and then act like
1:51
Speaker 7: we weren't married back in the day, back and the yeah,
1:54
Speaker 7: don't you think that wouldn't hurt wife's feelings.
1:59
Speaker 5: Partner, if you really what's upset about that, That's something
2:02
Speaker 5: you should know about your partner before you get in
2:04
Speaker 5: front of usher.
2:05
Speaker 3: That's true, But I want.
2:06
Speaker 7: To take it out of the US and Kiki thing.
2:07
Speaker 7: I just want to say, man, we got so many
2:09
Speaker 7: men in therapy, so many men doing the work. But
2:11
Speaker 7: men always get so much flak for not expressing their emotions,
2:14
Speaker 7: not expressing their feelings. But when they do, they get
2:15
Speaker 7: called him to kill suckers and punks, and you know
2:18
Speaker 7: that he's not on her level. He's jealous of her successful.
2:21
Speaker 7: How about some men are just in love and trying
2:23
Speaker 7: to figure it.
2:24
Speaker 1: Out, they be jealous so too.
2:26
Speaker 4: Especially like No, I'm just saying like it could it
2:29
Speaker 4: could be, and it.
2:29
Speaker 1: Could be a little bit of both.
2:30
Speaker 4: It could be a little bit of jealousness and a
2:33
Speaker 4: little bit because you love.
2:34
Speaker 5: It, being a little jealous of me.
2:36
Speaker 3: Yeah, my feelings because you're buzzing it open on somebody else. See.
2:40
Speaker 2: But the thing is, if you guys had men and
2:42
Speaker 2: you broke up with your man and you put on
2:43
Speaker 2: Instagram or social media, I broke up with my man.
2:46
Speaker 2: I'm not feeling good, it's not right. Y'all wouldn't get
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Speaker 2: hateful comments. You would get a lot of people support.
2:51
Speaker 4: It's gonna be okay.
2:54
Speaker 1: Now if me and Charlamagne put on there. I just
2:56
Speaker 1: broke up with my man.
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Speaker 3: Man, and we know if double standards for everything.
3:02
Speaker 7: But when women express their emotions and feelings, we're told
3:05
Speaker 7: we should listen, regardless of where they expressed them.
3:08
Speaker 3: But when men do.
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Speaker 7: It, we suckers and we secure that's not right, man,
3:12
Speaker 7: and y'all gonna make it the way. Men aren' gonna
3:13
Speaker 7: want to ePRESS their emotions publicly, and that's dangerous because
3:15
Speaker 7: men expressing themselves publicly is how other.
3:17
Speaker 3: Men will learn how to publicly express their emotions.
3:20
Speaker 2: We even look at look my situation in my book.
3:22
Speaker 2: I wrote a book about me and my wife's relationship.
3:24
Speaker 2: We've been together twenty nine years, thirty years, and I
3:26
Speaker 2: talked about and early on I couldn't make an orgasm.
3:28
Speaker 3: I didn't know.
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Speaker 2: We were sixteen and fifteen. There were memes they made
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Speaker 2: fun of me, but it was me expressing how I was. Now,
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Speaker 2: if I was a very sensitive person, which I am,
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Speaker 2: I would be like when I write the next one,
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Speaker 2: I'm like, I ain't putting no one else out there
3:39
Speaker 2: because me trying to express myself open the door. Because
3:41
Speaker 2: there was so many men that showed the same way
3:44
Speaker 2: and it went through the same thing, but they were
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Speaker 2: scared to say.
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Speaker 7: That what he's trying to get sympathy right now. Nobody
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Speaker 7: shamed him because he expressed it, you know, his emotions
3:52
Speaker 7: shamed because he ain't know how to work the middle.
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Speaker 7: That's why it's a lot of guys for years what
4:00
Speaker 7: we were shaming you for.
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Speaker 1: But if you don't know, you can't fix it. You
4:03
Speaker 1: didn't know right exactly.
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Speaker 2: It was sixteen when when I was she was at
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Speaker 2: least taking it, she was at least facings.
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Speaker 1: Guess how it came out. It was sixteen. But I
4:11
Speaker 1: used to watch porn, so I thought sex was bang
4:13
Speaker 1: bang bang bang bang. Sure, but you had to learn.
4:15
Speaker 1: It was nobody to tell me or teach me.
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Speaker 2: So yes, I did it so people could learn and
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Speaker 2: have those conversations.
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Speaker 7: Everybody read that book was like, I've been making women orgas. Okay,
4:24
Speaker 7: you the one that ain't your making fun of me.
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Speaker 5: This year, so you ain't the only one that ain't
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Speaker 5: doing nothing in the bedroom I'm thirty three and had
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Speaker 5: my first organs.
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Speaker 7: Yeah, that's that's crazy, Like you weren't having sex with
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Speaker 7: one person for ten years?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I Yeah, she was.
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Speaker 1: Having an orgasm with my mouth, not with my penis.
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Speaker 1: That's the thing I was.
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Speaker 4: Gonna say, she really love you though, because she's still
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Speaker 4: by your side with no orgasms from sex and wanted
4:50
Speaker 4: to make you feel good like she was so she
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Speaker 4: you know, but that's really.
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Speaker 1: No, It's like she's she's a real right to speak up.
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Speaker 5: It's not the main its fault if you don't know,
5:01
Speaker 5: if you ain't telling them nothing to me, telling.
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Speaker 3: This lie about how he was making her do it
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Speaker 3: with his mouth?
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Speaker 1: Did she was on you? Bro says And the first
5:17
Speaker 1: thing I am not cling.
5:19
Speaker 7: I love the fact that you expressed your fieling have
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Speaker 7: nothing to do with woman all gathered years. That's what
5:29
Speaker 7: we're talking about. We're not talking about you expressing your
5:30
Speaker 7: feeling No, I'm not expressing not one time I said
5:34
Speaker 7: you wrong for expressing your feelings wrong, but not making
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Speaker 7: the difference.
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Speaker 4: The first time she actually really orgasm was She's like,
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Speaker 4: oh my gosh, babe, I've been lying for a decade
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Speaker 4: like did she bug out?
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Speaker 5: Like?
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Speaker 1: What was that?
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Speaker 3: Like? Right?
5:50
Speaker 1: It's in the book. Let me read the books. Period.
5:54
Speaker 7: All of the moral of the story is we got
5:55
Speaker 7: to stop shaming men for expressing themselves. The middle of
5:59
Speaker 7: the we made so much toxic behavior public. We have
6:02
Speaker 7: to make the positive healing behavior public too. And y'all
6:05
Speaker 7: gonna make it the way Minfield like it's not worthing
6:06
Speaker 7: to express himself because of how y'all react to.
6:08
Speaker 1: And I guess what more men step up?
6:10
Speaker 5: Like there should be more men on the internet really
6:12
Speaker 5: supporting this brother in this time. If that's what y'all believe.
6:15
Speaker 7: I do.
6:15
Speaker 3: We don't need did we get we get shamed for
6:17
Speaker 3: that against she's a mom. I don't care what outing
6:21
Speaker 3: she was me.
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Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't care about any of that. I care
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Speaker 7: about man. This man, if his feelings are hurt, he
6:26
Speaker 7: should be able to.
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Speaker 1: Express gentleman, lady, what's up, brother? What's your thoughts? Man?
6:32
Speaker 6: That's just how this world is.
6:33
Speaker 3: Man.
6:34
Speaker 6: They expect a man to shut up, be quiet, produce,
6:38
Speaker 6: don't have no feelings, don't show no hurt. I work
6:42
Speaker 6: in the criminal courts. Right now, there's the case a
6:45
Speaker 6: brother was losing custody of his child and let's just
6:49
Speaker 6: stay right now. You gotta do eighteen years in prisony
6:52
Speaker 6: because nobody would listen to him. Nobody expects, oh, why
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Speaker 6: is a man you want to see your child so much?
7:00
Speaker 3: But he ended up calling doing violence to the young lady.
7:04
Speaker 6: Exactly so Avenue. He was calling his friend every night crying. Ye,
7:13
Speaker 6: nobody else would listen to him. This man was in
7:16
Speaker 6: a lot of thames. He just wants you to shut up.
7:19
Speaker 6: Imagine seeing your woman on stage dressed like that.
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Speaker 3: I don't care about that.
7:24
Speaker 6: Something inappropriate. What's the man supposed to do? React after
7:28
Speaker 6: he told it to come out dress like that?
7:30
Speaker 2: He told me, I don't know, but this is what
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Speaker 2: I do.
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Speaker 4: This is also Keky Palmer, very famous, very talented entertainer.
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Speaker 4: She's not just you know, someone who went out that
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Speaker 4: night to go like get a freaking with guys like
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Speaker 4: she is who she is. I think we're forgetting that point.
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Speaker 3: That's a very for forgetting. Oh that's why.
7:51
Speaker 7: That's what he was expressing in that interview when he
7:53
Speaker 7: was saying how he always fucked. He had the need
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Speaker 7: to be perfect because she's Keky Palmer, and he felt
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Speaker 7: that she would always be perfect because she's so.
8:00
Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question.
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Speaker 4: All the allowances that men are afforded, who are famous,
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Speaker 4: who are are females not afforded.
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Speaker 1: Those the same allowances?
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Speaker 4: Because men that have, you know, a long list of
8:14
Speaker 4: options and are famous, I feel like they get away
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Speaker 4: with a lot more than just a normal do relationship.
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Speaker 1: They should. I don't think they should.
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Speaker 2: See the problem was was I don't necessarily think the
8:23
Speaker 2: problem was what happened.
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Speaker 1: I think it was this the phone, right, you think
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Speaker 1: about it.
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Speaker 2: Men go to a strip club, they get lap dances,
8:29
Speaker 2: nobody knows, nobody sees. But now imagine your men and
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Speaker 2: there's a video of your man getting a crazy lap
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Speaker 2: dance and.
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Speaker 1: You feel the trails.
8:38
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, when that fudge leaves a little line, you be.
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Speaker 3: Mad because you've been publicly embarrassed.
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Speaker 1: Correct.
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Speaker 5: Yes, So it's really not about it's really you don't
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Speaker 5: want people to know, because it's really you want to
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Speaker 5: do everything behind closed doors and you don't want the
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Speaker 5: internet to know.
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Speaker 3: I don't think.
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Speaker 7: I just think you shouldn't publicly embarrass your significant other.
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Speaker 7: I think that grow publicly.
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Speaker 5: But why is it not embarrassing if it's about behind
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Speaker 5: closed doors. But it's only embarrassing and people see it
9:02
Speaker 5: if it's truly who you are.
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Speaker 3: I think it's what do you mean when you say
9:05
Speaker 3: behind closed.
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Speaker 5: Like you said, if there's no cameras out and you
9:08
Speaker 5: could do it.
9:09
Speaker 3: Oh, but then y'all two can have a conversation working.
9:11
Speaker 1: It is easy to work.
9:12
Speaker 2: And it's like if you and your man getting an
9:13
Speaker 2: argument at home, it's different. But now if you're in public,
9:16
Speaker 2: it's a lot different because now people don't know what
9:18
Speaker 2: you're arguing about is pressing.
9:19
Speaker 1: Now you might feel a certain way.
9:20
Speaker 2: Things that you might have forgave him for at home,
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Speaker 2: you might not forgive him for if it's in the public.
9:25
Speaker 3: And that's what the young man was wrong for.
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Speaker 7: The young man was wrong for. She was wrong for
9:28
Speaker 7: publicly embarrassing him with us. He was wrong for publicly
9:31
Speaker 7: ambassing Arou on social media. They could have just had
9:32
Speaker 7: a conversation about could show at home and nobody would
9:35
Speaker 7: have been the.
9:35
Speaker 2: One's the sex and more calls eight hundred and five
9:37
Speaker 2: eight five one oh five to one Colin let us
9:40
Speaker 2: know what you think.
9:40
Speaker 3: It's the breakfast l in the morning express their feelings.
9:43
Speaker 1: Everybody's DJ Envy, Charlamagne the God. We are the Breakfast Club.
9:48
Speaker 2: You know, it's the twentieth anniversary or the twentieth season
9:50
Speaker 2: of wild'n Out, and we have Justina Valentine and b
9:53
Speaker 2: Simoni Bizard And if you're just joining us, we're talking
9:56
Speaker 2: about men being able to express their feelings. Is it
9:58
Speaker 2: why when a man exp is this feeling, he's a sucker,
10:01
Speaker 2: he's he's he's a whim. But when women do it this,
10:04
Speaker 2: they get so much support. And I know you're about
10:05
Speaker 2: to see something. He was about to say something justin.
10:07
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, did I not see the full clip?
10:10
Speaker 4: Because the clip I saw was not that crazy, That's
10:13
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. Like if she had been bent over
10:15
Speaker 4: and usher was pulling her hair and just like you know,
10:20
Speaker 4: slamming her, I'll be like, Okay, it was a little crazy,
10:22
Speaker 4: but the clip I saw was not crazy at all.
10:25
Speaker 2: Say this though, like, as a man, what you just
10:27
Speaker 2: said is probably what he saw in his mind.
10:29
Speaker 8: Right, that's what.
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Speaker 2: Your wife, your girl, your baby mother, that's what you've seen.
10:36
Speaker 2: You didn't just see little dance you see.
10:41
Speaker 1: That's what you said.
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Speaker 7: By the way, what's wrong with being insecure and what's
10:45
Speaker 7: wrong with me expressing that.
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Speaker 3: I'm insecure now?
10:47
Speaker 7: Because the insecurity is going to express whether I stay
10:49
Speaker 7: on just tell my my behavior, you're gonna tell about
10:51
Speaker 7: certain language. All I'm saying is you gotta let men
10:54
Speaker 7: be able to express these emotions because if you don't,
10:56
Speaker 7: they're gonna keep them pent up inside. And we've all
10:59
Speaker 7: seen what with what that leads to that do nothing
11:01
Speaker 7: but toxic masculine.
11:02
Speaker 5: My thing is express it. But then what is the solution? Like,
11:05
Speaker 5: if I'm insecure, we need to figure out how to get.
11:08
Speaker 3: Work on that. If I'm judge with each other?
11:10
Speaker 5: Right, But I think people just want to vent and
11:12
Speaker 5: express and then let's get to the root of it
11:14
Speaker 5: though we have to heal it and fix it.
11:16
Speaker 2: But the whole thing is in a lot of relationships
11:18
Speaker 2: people they argue to win, right, and not argue to
11:21
Speaker 2: be on the same side, Like there's no winner.
11:26
Speaker 1: If you win, I lose.
11:28
Speaker 3: It.
11:28
Speaker 1: Shouldn't be a winner or lose it, she'd be Let's
11:29
Speaker 1: resolve the.
11:30
Speaker 3: Situation and move on, simple as that.
11:32
Speaker 1: Well, we have Charlena on the phone. Are you named
11:36
Speaker 1: after Charlemagne?
11:37
Speaker 3: No?
11:37
Speaker 1: God, No, I'm just joking. I'm just joking, charlmona, what's
11:40
Speaker 1: your what'd you think? What's your thoughts?
11:42
Speaker 9: Okay, Well, I feel like her baby father was very
11:46
Speaker 9: insecure about the whole scenario. I mean, if anything, you
11:50
Speaker 9: should have been uplifted her and proud of his woman
11:53
Speaker 9: because carry herself. She's healthy, she's living, she had the baby.
12:00
Speaker 3: We missed.
12:00
Speaker 7: We missing the whole point of the conversation. The whole
12:02
Speaker 7: point of the conversation is should men be able to
12:05
Speaker 7: express their feelings publicly without being shamed?
12:09
Speaker 9: Express insecurity, that is his feelings.
12:13
Speaker 3: My god't even consider feelings anymore. That men can't be insecure.
12:22
Speaker 3: We don't. We can't reserve the right to be insecure.
12:25
Speaker 4: You know what, You can be insecure, but not at
12:29
Speaker 4: the expense of putting your woman down. So if he
12:33
Speaker 4: would have just said, my woman dancing with us or
12:35
Speaker 4: made me very insecure because of you know, legendary.
12:40
Speaker 3: But he was of the part on the internet.
12:45
Speaker 4: And like, and if she's really not cheating on him
12:48
Speaker 4: at all, which I don't think she is, it's like
12:50
Speaker 4: you also have to give her that grace, like, you
12:52
Speaker 4: know what, life she's living, she's coming home to you
12:55
Speaker 4: and she just.
12:55
Speaker 3: Had a baby.
12:56
Speaker 1: Looks damn good.
12:57
Speaker 3: Like what you hear, what y'all just said.
12:58
Speaker 7: And that's what I keep trying to trying to stress
13:01
Speaker 7: that is the conversation that should have been had. We
13:02
Speaker 7: know it was misplaced aggression. I know he didn't care
13:05
Speaker 7: about the mom thing in the outfit. We know his
13:07
Speaker 7: feelings was hurt. Why not teach that brother how to
13:09
Speaker 7: properly express his emotions.
13:11
Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying. The solution therapy, somebody a professional
13:14
Speaker 5: to talk to this that like, if you go to
13:17
Speaker 5: relationship counseling, y'all need to sit down whatever you know,
13:20
Speaker 5: but get to the solution.
13:22
Speaker 1: Don't just keep arguing tj yo.
13:25
Speaker 3: What's up? Brother?
13:26
Speaker 1: What's your thoughts?
13:27
Speaker 3: Man? Man?
13:28
Speaker 6: So my thought is to be able to express how
13:30
Speaker 6: you feel.
13:31
Speaker 8: I mean, you know, we say, you know mental health
13:33
Speaker 8: is awareness, but you can't even say if you don't
13:35
Speaker 8: like something straight up un you you're keeping all that
13:39
Speaker 8: fighted up as a man that you lash out on
13:42
Speaker 8: your kids, if you las shout on your wife, how
13:45
Speaker 8: that works? Like it just ain't healthy. Like I'm waiting
13:48
Speaker 8: a young time right now. He turned five minutes. One
13:50
Speaker 8: thing I'm always.
13:51
Speaker 6: Telling to hey, use your boy, if you if you don't.
13:54
Speaker 7: Like something saying that's right, because the reality is we're
13:57
Speaker 7: going to get there, meaning that if you use your
14:00
Speaker 7: even if you don't say what you really mean, work
14:02
Speaker 7: like you said, I want to get to the root.
14:04
Speaker 3: We're trying to do, get to the root to heal
14:06
Speaker 3: the problem.
14:06
Speaker 1: All right, Well, we got a moral of the story.
14:08
Speaker 3: Moral of the stories.
14:09
Speaker 7: Men should be able to express their emotions and feelings
14:11
Speaker 7: without being shamedful, simple as that.
14:14
Speaker 1: And women should be able to hold up.
14:16
Speaker 4: As long as there not really like a whole, as
14:19
Speaker 4: long as it's just innocent hoeing.
14:21
Speaker 1: It's a difference.
14:23
Speaker 4: First, if you're a relationship, it was innocent, it wasn't.
14:29
Speaker 5: You know.
14:29
Speaker 7: That's the kind of crazy thuff Man used to say
14:31
Speaker 7: today women, for you, it was just innocent hoing.
14:33
Speaker 9: I mean I was.
14:36
Speaker 1: I was gonna get right back, all right. Twenty twenty three,
14:39
Speaker 1: when we come back, we got your room report. We
14:41
Speaker 1: got to talk about Tiffany Hattish.
14:42
Speaker 2: If you're trying to shoot your shot at celebrities, well
14:45
Speaker 2: she's gonna give you some tips on how to do
14:46
Speaker 2: so we'll get to it.
14:47
Speaker 1: Nexus to the breakfast club, be eating