Latest / DA CREW Podcast / 6/14/25-AAALAC- CHASING YOUR DREAM BOOKTOUR- CLEARING CHICAGO PUBLIC LIBRARY

Transcript

6/14/25-AAALAC- CHASING YOUR DREAM BOOKTOUR- CLEARING CHICAGO PUBLIC LIBRARY · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: All right, so you ready, I'm opening up.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: That's mm hm just worry really so far? Oh fine,
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: can you see me? See that's your last one, last
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: share said, I'll bless your suh. But hello, Hello, Hello,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: and welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. I am Angela.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I am the founder of aa LAC, which is the
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Afrive American autos American Campaign, and my whole thing is
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: to bring awareness to African American authors and literacy within
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: on African American community. The reason why I started aa
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: LAC was in my community in Anderson, South Carolina. There
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: was a need. It was a need for literature and
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: a need for our kids to be involved in reading
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: because we rank number physically and education and at that
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: particular time, we were fluctuating between number one and number
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: five and domestic bolence and that was something that was
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: totally unheard of, and I I was like, oh no,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: I need to do something about this. I need to
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: try to do what I can. And as a domestic
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: violence of buyer, that then kind of get home and
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: I said, we got to reach out to our to
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: our babies, and reach out to our community, and we
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: got to figure out something. So I became a published author,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: and I realized that there truly was a need for
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: representation within the our community because we didn't have a lot.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: You couldn't go into bookstores, you can't go into libraries
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: and find books that represented us and represented our children,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: and but we wanted our babies to be read. So
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I reached out to some authors on social media and
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: started a LAC and started going around and just trying
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: to bring authors together and just the community to be
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: the change that we can be and to introduce people
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: to different things. So that's why we're here today. We
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: have authors. We have one author, and we have an
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: amazing speaker that is doing amazing things in the community,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: and she's enlightening the community into great things, and she's
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: gonna be sharing the pointing to us today. But before
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: we start, y'all know, I always like to start with prayer.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: So we have Pastor heard us in the building today,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: so I want to bring him up and ask him
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: if you want to lead us in prayer. Oh that's
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: a great Palla God.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: I'm just gonna right down and say thank you for
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: this day, thank you for your grace, thank you for
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: your mercy, thank you for vision. Thank you, Father God
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: for what you're doing in this season and seasons to come.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Your words said not as fast as small beginnings. So
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: thank you Father God. No matter where we at.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Right now, in what season, may let us continue to
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: elevate on your words down or your word. Leaving your word,
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I'll elevate your word matterfest your word from what you're
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: doing right now.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: So thank you. Put over us here and over that's on.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: Let your spirit just run through from the north, southeast,
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: and the west, Famed God, even in this bemosing right now.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Finally, God, allow your spirit to shake something up within us.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: So we had come out and change, Father the God,
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: we can come out and inspired.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: We can leave here in a great way. So thank
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: you for the whole. Thank you for the motivation behind it,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: thank you for the encouragement behind it.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Because if people are not gonna make it, so we
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: stand on your word with believe in your word.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: For God, we need created and not so be clear
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: your word and confidence. We love you, Jesus Holy Name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Well,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: we're gonna be sharing today. We're gonna be sharing our journeys.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: We're gonna be sharing a little bit about why we
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: became authors, and we're just gonna be talking about how
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: we can continue to put it to the community. I'm
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: gonna bring the shape up because the Shade is one
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: of the authors that I connected with about five years ago.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: I read her about five years ago. She actually collaborated
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: in a couple of my projects, and we've been trying
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: to put this together for a while. I've been trying.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I've been trying to get to Chicago. I've been trying
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: to come for me. I said, you know what, the
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: opportunity presented itself. I said, I'm gonna go and I'm here.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: So yeah, it's just say let everybody know love everybody.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: My name is Chee Ruckman. I'm from Chicago. I think whatever,
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: But this part. I started writing when I was nineteen
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: leap up and I started, uh writing for try. I
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: started off with poetry and it was on the outlet
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: we need to deal with like my home like for
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: a while. And after I got like home into it
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: and kind of develop.
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: You know, with a skill and a life store.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: I got into elementary school and me and my friend
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: never look at these people, we like started writing like
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: real short stories like just don't know why, just like
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: writing two or three pages of the story, something that
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: just what was thinking about, and we would pass the
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: story of around. It was about having those We passed
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: the story around and everybody would add something to the
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: story like until we got like a decent side story.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: And at the end of the year, like the teacher,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: she entered it into like the context and you won
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: that context. I never lo anywhere. That got us like
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: really heavily into like writing and loving writing and enjoying
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: it and being like, uh voices for for those who
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: felt the like felt me, you know what I'm saying.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: Everybody couldn't always give their story.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Everybody didn't always It was like you had some people
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: just around you when you wanted to talk.
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: Up to show thinking like people talking about.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: You know how the things. And it was really important
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: for me and some of the people that I came
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: up with writing to be like, no, I'm not gonna
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: be quiet.
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: I'm telling cause we're not gonna be quiet. Why who
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: was that gonna tell?
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Who was that? Hoop?
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: It's not helping me. I don't feel like I'm not.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Exactly you know. So when it got to a point
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: where I was like live it out and it became
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: a positive outlet, you know, like opening different doors, meeting
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: different people, you know you guys and stuff like that.
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: It just became like this is who.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: You're supposed to become, you know, you know. And at
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: some point a time around like twenty twenty when we
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: COVID happened, terrible time right for everybody. I got into
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: like hare and last years I was thinking about like,
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: you know how how cold here and funny like stuck
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: in the house. Hell wasn't and you know a guy
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: could go out giving a health cut, you know how.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: It was like it was real crazy. So I got
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: into like selling hair like beauty products, selling the lashes,
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: getting into making my home hairsprays and white hair basks
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: and stuff like that under my brand Black Beauty Collection.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: And where Black Beauty Collection came from is my mother.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: She is black beauty. That was that came from and
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: she was just a beautiful person of beautile. So so
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: I just thought that named it after helpoud be a
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: great name and on that's where the name and had
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: my brand came from my mom handing mom. But I
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I thought to to have my target ardus as people
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: who just kind of just wanted to feel uplit wanted
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: to feel nice, one to feel pretty, you know. And
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: I just grew up and and and kept going and kept.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: Going and kept going and got a decent, decent SSS
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: while I.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: Worked for my brand and writing. Shit, I don't even
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: know where to start with the writing, because it's like
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: once I got into my writing, into the oh, like
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I own work on the time, you know, meeting new
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: people working. I've been literally working with her, like she said,
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: for about five years, and I reached out to her
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: to work with her because I saw something on my
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: own on my timeline on Facebook that she had shared
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: and it was one of those situations like, no, I
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: gotta be a party. That's how I felt immediate. I
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: gotta be a part of that. So I reached out
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: to another friend of mine sh that friend put me
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: in touch with her, and after that, it's like I've
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: worked with her, but I broke with that other friend. Honestly,
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I worked with her for I'm more than I work
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: with that other friend, and it's all up between you.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: She prays for me, I pray for her. She prays
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: for my baby that's in the hospital, baby in a
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: hearty in the high school now with heartfield. She prays
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: for my baby every day for me when my baby
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: just recently got sick.
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: For here, I can't have a text of talk with
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: what's going on.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: She need me praying in me Valdostaia And I feel
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: this situation now. I feel like it's important because you
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: need people around you that'll pray for you in times when.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: You not always be capable to do it for yourself.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: You know, it happens, you know, and we gotta fight
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: those carriages and stuff like that. But I feel good
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: to know that somebody like her on my team that
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: helps me, you know what I'm saying, that Price be
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: there group school and cheers me on I's in and
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: she's just a whole party, great person. I really appreciate her,
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: of course, But yeah, I I maybe she been in
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: the She's been in the hospital since I've been to
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: the ledst year, so she's been in almost a year.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: We waiting on a heart transplant for her, and she's
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: been on the hard transplanting this since I was thirty.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: The last year she smissed it. Set it's fun way,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: so she's that means she's commonly in the hospital. We
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: aren't able to take her home til she gets her part.
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: So we just spent a lot for a time at
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: the hospital.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: They have a charity house, though we spend a lot
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: tab into with my own house. If I could second
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: home now you know, I've been there for so long.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: But she had is what they call dilating party of
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: my app a in large car a car park. It's
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: like them to it. That's the sense, right that she
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: needs to be like this hours this, hours went to that.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: That's when we wake me pregnant. So I pray every
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: single day. One of these days the car will come
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: that are that will part. It's perfect. I need you
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: up in now, you know outlay every day. Yep, it's
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: gonna happen. And going to like the educational aspect of it,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: for like taking up a home and making sure that
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: she don't reject her heart and making sure we know
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: science and the symptoms of it. And no one want
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: to keep her away from the things that she can
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: no longer eat. The things that she eat, like medications
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: she can no longer take, like this will take a
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: life home to her. And she's only three and she
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: just made three in Jabri. But for everything that she's
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: gonna go through by it's starting so early in the life,
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: when she was only two, I didn't think that she
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: obviously she wouldn't remember it. You know, she got a
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: lot of stars and he and she got like a
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: real don started down her chest upon stars on her
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: arms and her pigs and stuff. And I know she
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: don't have ussions. I just I I just know she
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: gonna have questions. And I feel like telling her story,
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: writing her store her journey and her failure throughout the
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: home type thing would be like the best way to
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: help her understand exactly what happened to you know, the doctors,
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: those that took care of her, and the nurses that
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: took care of the like the people that prayed or
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: you know, and how the family dealt with the entire thing,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: because like her siblings, their subbing sister and her big
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: brother on here. But you know they had a harder
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: time seeing her like that. You know, it was it
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: was it was difficult for every very arty she's intivating
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: for the long time, you were like she was like
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: virtually pedalyzed. She couldn't move, they did, just couldn't live
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: a moved for a way. So when they got her
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: to a point where like we started physical therapy, speech therapy,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: and occupational therapy, she was like so far behind it
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: because she spent a lot of time being insubated and
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: not being able to talk, not being able to move,
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: stuck in bed for a long time, not able to eat.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: So they took a toll on the body. So when
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: we got her to the is with dempy, speech, DEMP
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: occupational therapy, she was really big had but it's like.
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: She has come so far, you know, she she come
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: along way.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: She talked really good. You know when she can get up.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: She got an energy, she got a strength she put off.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: She very social in the hospital when she takes her
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: little boss. It's not a hand that ain't wait being
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: at everybody know cash. She is everybody, Oh I know
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: when she hate cash, ain't cash. Ain't everybody from even
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: just business. Everybody knows who's my baby. And she's very social,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: very sweet, you know. So to see where she was
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: at one point in time and how good is she,
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: you know, how good she looks down even though we're
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: still waiting on her transplant. She isn't as dian as
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: she was at one point in time. She's not intivated anymore,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: you know, she can actually physically eat food now, you know,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: so there was a time when they just was giving
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: her food to a too.
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: They not doing they do it in case. But if
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: she can eat that.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Mouth, we just see your won't say so, she's coming
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: a long long way, and just seeing how good she's going.
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: Now, if.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: It makes us all happy, we are, especially when our kids,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: when all the two kids can kind of rest a
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: little bit easier because they know, like she'll be home soon,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Like that's all we all were. I just want to
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: take a home.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: And as long as they can see like she's doing good, she's.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: On the courage of coming home. I feel like they
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: knew good too, you know, they don't hit it down
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: respire by something. They can feel like, well, she got
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: so much going on with my baby sister, then if
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I just kind of follow into the background a little bit,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: she won't really have me to deal with. And as
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: a mother, that doesn't work, you know what I'm saying.
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: But as a child, a child doesn't understanding.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: But I'm thankful that they can talk to me and
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: they understand that they can always talk to me, and
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I can talk to them and they'll understand. You know.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: It is I thank God that I have a good
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: understanding with my children, because if I wasn't able to.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: Talk them through this, you know, I don't really know
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: like how we would be, because like it was.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Really really challenging, like being able to talk them out
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: a depression and talk them out like feel like if
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: my little sister not here, I don't even need them
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: so hard.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: That was hard.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't I'm already possibly on the verge
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: of and I don't even wanna say that, So I
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: definitely don't want to say that to me. Don't do
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: that to me. Let's get this together. Let's pray together,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: you know, if we gotta go to counsel together, talk
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: to somebody, you know, if you personally don't look at
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: yourself and talk, let's do it. Let's do what that
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: will take. But I can't have you feel like this.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: I can't let you feel like this because it's just
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: not fair, you know what I mean. I want you
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: to feel hurt. I want you to feel like like
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: I'm not on your side, like you don't have any
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: by or sad because with my baby first classic, I'm
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: not gonna love. I think I'm gonna dropped everything everything.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: I didn't I and I was just a mess. They
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: told me her heartless feeling.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: I felt like my heart was being ripped out of
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: my chest when they told me that, I'm not gonna lie.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: So when I'm gonna say I grab my kids from home,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: we feel to figure it out if we feel a
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: move out here. And that's just what it is. And
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: it was just one of those situations like I I
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: I try my best to kind of tame that because
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: having older kids, you know, they in school and stuff
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: like that, you have to think about like how they
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: gonna get to school, shape, how they gonna how they
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: gonna look just do certain things, you know. So I
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: had to really like sit down and analyze and really think,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Like this situation really really really put me on toes,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: really really put me on my toes. And I just
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: dealing with her heart feeling. She has what's called a
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Berlin and heart. Now it acts as her heart. It's
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: like it beats for her heart until she's able to
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: get a heart of her own. So it's like just
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: like the Kamela with twos that sticks out just.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: In from her.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Then it's like a big uh machine that just pumps
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: for her that access her heart til she's able to
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: get her hat herself. And that's what she's She's had
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: that since like November, and with what that she called
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: she had a left vent tricky.
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: Little sister bite her head bad. And once they changed that,
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: they put the.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Brother into her own. So she's been just maintaining with
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: that little way. But she's doing pretty good. And she's uh.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: I actually give a video with her the other.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: Day and she's just kind of high, just lad.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Up and stuff. But she's doing real good though. And
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: as far as like writing her book her, it's her journey,
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like like I was, I don't know
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: what it started out. I don't know what to be
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: in and so right now it's just a work in progress.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: I'm just like journaling her.
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: Days in the high school, as many days that she
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: may have us.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I'm just journaling all of.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: Her to him in the hospital in the school. So
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: she's she's been, she's been doing good.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: She's been doing there good. She's kind.
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: I'm sorry, tool.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah. Uh. The story Cash, it's called The Heart
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: she Needs, and I put some commentary in it. I've
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: put just generally writing in it, like.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: Just to tell like, uh, how many different like initially
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: how many.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: Different medications she would maybe fifteen twenty get this place that.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: She had a lot of medicines that she took.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: She had she got set in. She went through CESUS
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: for a while. She got like a real bad infection
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: from the hospital. Uh they got under control, but been
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: she went through CESUS and did a lot of an
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: aidotics for her situation because of the sexes and the
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: an the infection. So me.
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: Had her the.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: Doctors had her one maybe five or six different antibodiotics
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: just to kind of flush whatever it was out of her.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: They finally was able to kind of you know, smooth
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: it over, and eventually.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: She started doing good. She started getting better, and she
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: was gone. She was gone dealing with a lot and
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: then it's just like you know how they say when
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: your brains and pours, That's sort of what it felt like.
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: It was just like she her hot wasn't already feeling,
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: and it was just like then her lungs took it.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: End. She went on a machine called a emotion that
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: acted as like basically her lungs because she was having
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: issues with her lungs.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: They and had to uh, resuscitate her.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: At one point in time. So she went through my
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: mad you know, she she went through a lot, and
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: it was hard to watch. It was hard to to
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: just to kind of deal with what I I learned
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: that if I keep praying and I can give up
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: and just keep trying. And in my career with I
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: ask for certain things to be ready to receive those things,
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: you know, so her help started to look up A
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: long time. I was telling all real that like being
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: able to hold her like I hadn't, I haven't I
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: hadn't been able to hold up like get for a
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: bastic book of all time, because like I said, she
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: was study big, so we finally might have got the
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: infection now the first time. And she was cool, and
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: it asked me that I want to hold it on
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: your show, I said, in the chill, hold enough for
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: about an hour before I fell asleep, and they came
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: in and tackled me like arms and che and I
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: just laughed, but I knew what they meant, like so
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: she wouldn't fall in the chill while I was holding enough.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: But it was like so common, It was so so
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: common just to be able to hold her after so long,
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: you know, because I hadn't been able to and so
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: being able to just getting so had skin skin time
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: with her again. You know, it just felt greatful. It
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: was and of no great great thing to me. For
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: the doctors that she had. I'm sober, but doctor verses
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: because they do their best, you know. They they do
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: what they can to take care of her, like pubtical
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: needs in the house, like keeping un happy, bad things
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: like I don't know too many nurses. That's bad babies, mcdonals.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: I'm honestly, i don't know too many nurses. So I'm
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: gonna go back to McDonald's and y'all driven like she
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: deserves some mcdonosa and I'm going so she they doing
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: that as your mcnambals, like you just became a little
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to com people these things, you know,
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: like they also bother doing her seriously, like they don't.
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: They'll go and she have her own hot dogs that's upstairs.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: In the nurses unit that they cook for her, her
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: own little cheese that they go and grab for her
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: that they put in their invigerator and stuff. They don't
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: take it down to theirs to the captive. This is
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: for cash. You get cash name on it or label
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: on it, and it's specifically hers don't touch it.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: That's how they they can pay for her and I.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: The level of care that I have for them if
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: she words can't even explain it, you know, because they
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: treat her the love, They treat her kindness. You know,
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: like Sho's a three year rold, so you know they
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: three year roads go. But they they they little tantrums
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: and stuff like that, but it's like they completely unfazed,
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: like you know, they they they love on and I
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: appreciate that, like so so much because her being in
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: this situation is so long. I don't want to feel
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: like maybe they tired of you know what I'm saying,
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want them, or I don't want to feel
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: like have anxiety about how they may treat her. They
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: always treat it well. You know, like no matter what
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: time they ill go up thereble time I might have
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: got that I got up them to if she's up,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: she's chilling, she's up if somebody's in that chilling with
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: you know. And but that I appreciate them, you know,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: I appreciate the fact that they take care of her when.
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: I'm not physically in the hospital with them.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: To help out for like, and they could about calling
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: taking the direction from you all you want us to do?
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: What can we do this? And things like that, and
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: so they help out a great deal, and I'm so appreciate,
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: you know, of their hill and being able to like connect,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: you know, with some other moms. Like there's people there
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: who's been through similar situations, like I mean the Staton
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: who has been through similar situations that I've been through.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: And it's like I can like pretty much talk to
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: me understand, you know, and they can understand too, because
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: it's like they've been through something like what I've been through,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: you know. And or having the doctors that working and
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: looking after my baby looking after their baby. So I
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: trust not looking after my baby, so you can trust
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: me at yours.
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: I don't do that, you know.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: And so I trust him and I trust in God
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: first and force. I trust that he can give them
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: the tools that they need.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: To realp.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: And I wake up with it every day. I trust
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: in God first. I gotta trust in him because if
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: I don't, I might move with mind seriously. But if
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: I don't trust in God, I just might go work.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: So I gotta keep my faith there first I gotta
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: stay with faithful death first because he'll get me do this.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: He'll get my baby Budis, I'll get my kids. Though
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: we'll go the most part. He'll get hur through this.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: And if he can get hurt with this, I'm gonna
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: get do it off that. I'm can do it anyway.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I just need to see her people, you know what
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I mean. So I keep it closer to me. I
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: talk to God all the time, you know, like because
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: he keeps me saying, he keeps me, He keeps me
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: loving it, and he keeps me grounded, you know, and
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I feel like.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: Just a mess.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: You know. I could talk to him and I feel
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: like a mess, but not hitting a mess. You know.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: I ain't gonna be that bad anymore. But you know, this,
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: this journey up for cash, it's been one that I
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: can't say this.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: In no way easy.
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: It's like.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: Just to hear a doctor just come at you and
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: tell your heart feel she don't be too How does
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: that even work? People like.
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: Having a doctor have to step out of the room.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: Just to give you the opportunity to calm down so
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: you can kind of restate is staking again, Like I
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: don't mean Hartfield you're like the older person with a
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: heart feel you know, a young person my Marthel that
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: can kind of get turned around. It was like a
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: far brothers my MARTA's field. Hi. You know. So that
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: was a crazy change together that my brother's feeling, and
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: we gotta come back. We gotta come back from me too.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: We gotta figure how do we fix like do we
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: go into like the million history like you, it's somebody
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: in the family that the head.
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: They like, how do we get how do we get
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: to this?
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: And all?
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: That was another thing they might not always be able
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: to look within the family, a family solution.
• 32:47
  Speaker 4: They tested me, they tested the dad, they tested her,
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: They looked at my.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: For my my mom's history, my dad's history. They couldn't
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: find no cause but for her to have heart fit
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: none on my side or o dad's side. So it
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: got to a point where it was like we we
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: were trying so hard to figure out what caused it,
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: like like why how did it happen? And we wasn't
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: getting no answers, but you know, no resolution as to
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: how it began and how how would'all how y'all got there?
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: It was like once we couldn't figured that out I
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: was like, Okay, well, we don't know how it started,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: but we know what it is, we know what it's called.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: Do we know how to fix it?
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: We do know how to fix it.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, so let's just stop focusing on what caused it,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: because we're probably not gonna be able to figure that
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: part out. But what we can do is focused on
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: how to fix it. We got the cause, we know
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: what she needs. Can it be fixed? And once we
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: stopped worrying about what caused it, kept it working about
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: let's just get it fixed. It was like, uh, a
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: big weight dropped even off the doctors because they was
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: like kind of.
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: Someone trying to figure out, like, well, how did it start?
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Why is she sick? Like
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: what's going on? And once they couldn't figured it out,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: I got to a phot I wrote a sign on
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: the door, and I just we can't figure out what
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: what cost it? Don't ask again what call it? Because
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: we don't know. We can't figure it out. We know
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: what what it's called, and we know how it's fixed.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: What it's called. Let's just work up fixing. Okay, give
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: a name that she's fixing, because ain't no money, trying
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: to dig deep down back into because we're not getting omber.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Like they looked into my family's history, the mom when
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: I was first born, when I was having my children,
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: with my baby father, with Passion's dad, they was looking for,
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: you know, his family history and all that, and they
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: could not come up with anything. They was doing pytochondrial
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: DNA and stuff like that. I mean, I said, they
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: couldn't find nothing, But it was strange. It was like
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: maybe she got sick and like it just didn't pass through,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying at some point in time.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: But they couldn't figure out the costly So I didn't
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: want to focus anyfore on more coffic I just wanted
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: to fix it, that's all.
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: I just wanted to us to get past it.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: Because if we can get past it, if we can
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: work on getting her better, we could start working on
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: getting her home. Right. I just want to get her home.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: And when it came and they said, well she needs
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: some kind of transplant, okay, but how to get back
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: it got to a point where they needed to do
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: like an echo and a ct skin and back up
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: being sick and stuff like that, they wasn't able to
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: do that first and eventually after go about and was
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: able to do ct skin and the the echo to
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: see how big a cavy is, you know, in her
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: in her chest to see how big her they can get.
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: So they they they did that, they.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Knew that periodically, so they just did it recently. And
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: that's how they was able to tell me the size
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: of heart that she needs now because they did the
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: measurements to be able to uh to see how big
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: and over heart she can go and what number that'll
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: put her on the transplant looks. So we just rang
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: up they now need to give her her heart and
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: to keep healthy her from.
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: I think people.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Shared and I got a chance to look at that
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: view here and she yeah, it was amazing. She was saying,
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: but she say what's she was asking? I guess it
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: was the video. She was asking what was your name?
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: So I definitely got a chance to see her talking
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: and just communicating and that that was just amazing just
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: to show the power of God given or day. And
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: then you know what your friend mine, because we know
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: that God is the master physician, that he knows, he
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: sees all and he's able to togeather one thing I
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: stand on is prayer by the Him. Every day be
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: in prayer. I truly believe in prayer. And that's one
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: thing about me. I said, if I'm gonna be on
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: this year, I need me some praying people. I wanna
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: be around some people that's gonna be praying that. So
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: I need some praying friends. So when you came, definitely
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: you put you on the prayers and you'll definitely praying
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: for you. And I heard you say you was trying
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: to get that movie out. But yeah, she's right here,
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: she's she's she's mostly to you. She's right here. She published,
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: she she's line now has an amazing gift, So you
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: can't get to me. She's right here and heaven. So
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: those things that you can get to me that she said,
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: And that's one thing about me is I like to
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: bring people together that's in the area because even when
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: I'm gone, y'all still here, so y'all can connect. And yeah,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: because how I met her is one of the young
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: ladies that she help published. Talks about her publisher all
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: the time. So that's how I'm met her. And she
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: has an amazing gift and an amazing test. Definitely connect
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: with Okay, So y'all. This is what we do. This
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: is what we do. I believe and I'm believe in
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: the four seasons and the fourth season is connect, collaborate, create,
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: and community all about being in the community. So thank
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: you for how can people for those that are listening,
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: so then you how can they connected? On Facebook? My
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: name is Denise and I s E bab b a
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: E on Instagram. I am the Shade, not the author
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: dot writer and be an email The Shade underscore the
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: author underscore writer at gmail dot com is my email address,
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: so you can always contact me be an email, be
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: a Facebook, be an Instagram or on TikTok Little Black Beauty.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: Always you always contact me, eat eat the those platform
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: platform I'm always been. But thank you for sharing. Thank
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: you gottle share so a little bit about me. I'm
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna share a little bit because everybody always say
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: you an author, you got bos, but you never share,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: so that that's that's what happens. I'm always about sharing
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: everybody else. When God really dropped this in my experience,
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: it wasn't about me, but he allowed me the opportunity
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: to share a little bit of my journey as I
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: was going and connecting with people. So I now have
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: about one hundred and forty seven projects, literary projects, from books, anthologies, planners.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: I even have some children activity books. I even have
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: some children I even have some calendars in magazine. So
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: I just love to a lot of that that He's
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: placed on the inside of me and the experiences that
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: I've had. I only talk about experiences that I've been through.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: This is an outlet for me to share survivor of
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: domestic violence, of survivor of suicide Attelles. So I I
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: want people to be able to relate in people to
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: not have to go through the things that I went through.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: So share a bit to pieces of my journey and
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: every one of my books. People say, when you're gonna
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: write your Willmarle, when you gonna tell your whole story? Well,
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: if you pick up in one of my books, you
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: can find a little bit and peace on my journey
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: in all of my books. Because I believe that He
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: allows these opportunities in these outlets so that we can
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: impact other people's life. Because the Word said, we over
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: gotbody hearing and sharing their testimonies. So the only way
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: that somebody can come out of what they going through
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: we share how we came out and what we went through,
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: cause everything that we go through ain't always for us,
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: but it's for somebody that we're gonna come in contact with.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: But he gave us. He gave us the gift and
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: the challenge. So because he knew we could do. He
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: never see you, always say he will never put on you.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Then you can back, well, he already know what you're
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: gonna go through. He I already know before you even
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: go through it. Because guess what, when he said it
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: was done, everything was already done. He already knew who
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: was gonna be our parents before we was even conceive.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: He already knew what our name was. He knew everything
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: about us. So I'm grateful and I'm thankful for every journey.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: I don't count it lightly. And I thank him for
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: just polling this in my spirit to be able to
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: have a lac to be a voice, and to allow
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: other people to be a voice, because there's been a
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: lot of times when I didn't think I had a
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: voice or think I had an outlet to share that voice.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: So I just try to do that for other people.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the platform, grateful for
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: the out there, and I've been able to share through books. Again,
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: I don't broadcast it, but they have been in them
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: Amazon and most of the platforms. It's gonna come a
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: time when I am charged to promote my books and
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: to do all that, but right now, all about me
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: being able to do that for other octomists. So that's
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: what I do. That's a little bit about me. I
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: said I was gonna share a little bit about me,
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: So that's what I need, y'all the next voice. I'm
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: happy that I got a chance to read this young
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: lady and person. I think we've been knowing each other
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: for two years now. For two years now, we've been
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: communicating on social media and amazing testimony and such amazing period.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: I truly love her, but out my heart, I couldn't
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: wait to just hug seem like I've been knowing her
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: forever and and and that's the thing about God. When
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: he makes those divine connections, it will seem like you've
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: been knowing them forever, even when you haven't met them
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: and you haven't known them for a long time. But
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: I want you guys to just really tune in and listen,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: because I know she's gonna share something. It's gonna bless
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: you guys or whatever journey. I know it's gonna be
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: in the message on today. And I always mess up
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: for a night, you know, she tell me fifty times.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: I always mess up a name, but well, Ms. Kennedy, Hey, hey, y'all, skinny,
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: we've been We've been talking about this hook for a
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: whole month. A bunch of yeah, yes, yes, I love books, y'all.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: All right, y'all. For a first time, I want to say,
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to volunte so first, y'all, it's
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: so it's been so much. I didn't heard so much,
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: so much, Oh, I had to choose, like, oh my god, God,
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: I got something something in store for the family. Everything,
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: like just keep raying like you said, keep trusting my heart.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: So much stuff. Yeah, today I'm not gonna be known.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: I just want to say what God has for me
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: to say. Right before I speak, I want to tell
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: you what I've what I've been going through the last
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: maybe a few weeks. Anxiety, real band depression, real man,
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: I've been all over the place. I'm getting married, I
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: was planning. I'm getting married in August. I've had five
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: events this year, already. I've just been all over the
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: place and my mental have not been I have not
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: been in the right space mentally. And yesterday, and let
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: me tell ty y'all what God said. It's just this amazing, right.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: So I woke up and I was just sad. Just
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: said said, for no reasons. It don't have to be
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: a reason for you to be upset. You don't have
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: to be a reason for you to be under a
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: spiritual attack. You know, in the spiritual room, it's a
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: reason for for you. It don't have to be right.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: So I get up and I started listening to gospel music,
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: listening to the music, listen to music, and just God
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: starts speaking to me, and he told me that I'm
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: spending so much time and fear about dying or whatever,
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: anything anything but that her pet saying all down skin.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: So I'm spending you spending so much time thinking about
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: dying and you're not living right.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: You spend so.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Much time in sadness that you forget what I broke
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: you from. Right, and I have to think about being like,
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: oh wait a minute, he said, you supposed to be
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: praising me because you prayed for this right now, right,
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: So i'mwas gonna be having like a little story time, right.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: So he was telling me I should be praising him
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: for the season that I'm in right now. I shouldn't
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: be sad. I shouldn't be de praised because for one,
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: the life I'm living ain't even mad. I'm on Bible
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: time anyway, right, So I gotta it's something I gotta
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: do when I'm here before I leave. So I said,
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: oh wow. So I started feeling sad again, but not
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: said from what I was originally sad from. I started
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: being sad because I pray and ask God, I don't
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: want to be sad no more. Please take the saddest
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: away for me. I don't want to be depressed no more.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: Take this away from me. I just want a man
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: that loved me. I want to be able to talk
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: to my kids. I don't want to be cussing. I'm
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: tired of let HIV bother me because I have HIV.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: I pray to vote different, I prayed to talk different.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: I pray to be different years ago and in today's
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: season in my life, I am so different. And I
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: am sitting here saying why am I saying? And I said,
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: I told God that I'm gonna give you glory. I'm
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: gonna praise Him from yesterday all the days of my life.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: So before I see that, y'all want often to tell y'all,
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: I think we all should praise God and we all
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: live today.
• 47:46
  Speaker 5: It's so much going on.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: In all our lives. Message your sadness or it's gonna
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: be something something, We're all going through something in some
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: type of way. But God allowed us all wake up
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: this morning and be here, and because of that we
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: have purpose. We have purpose. Why y'all might not no
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: mass I might not of y'all, but if we woke
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: up this, we woke up today and you actually hear
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: me speak right now, God has purpose for your life.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna tell y'all, y'all a little story time
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: from how I went from pain to purpose and how
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: I went from my story to God's glory. And I'm
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: gonna share with y'all how only remaining of our our
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: lives here on earth what we need because this is
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: our story, that we that we that we that we live,
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: This is the story. Right. But when God gets the
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: glory out of it, when we're dead and gone, what
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: is we gonna be reminded by us for right, So
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: it's some things we need to do while we hear,
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: even in the midst of us going through the things
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: that we're going through while we here. Right.
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: So for me.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Twenty years ago, twenty years ago, I was diagnosed with HIV.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Twenty years ago, I was now that months pregnant almost
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: maybe's eight nows pregnant in a boss right. The person
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: I was with, he found out that he was positive
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: and they told me to get tested because I was pregnant.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: So at that time I had no purpose. Remember this
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: is the whole Neighbors about purpose.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: When you found your purpose, that's when you that's the
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: really to day you started living when you found out
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: what you hit to do, but what you get to create. Right.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: So I had no purpose. I just was here. I
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: was just doing the praise and stuff. Right. But in
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: the moment when I found out I was HIV positive,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: my life changed forever. I honestly say, I'm glad I
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: got HIV. People want you you glad you got CHAV.
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: I'm glad that I could that. I'm glad I have
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: HIV because me becoming HIV positive changed the direction of
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: my life. Right. So I went and got tested. They
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: said I was positive. After fat it out he was positive.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: And it's like I became numb. I didn't understand, like HIV.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: You know, we hear about it, right, but we don't
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: really know what it means for our life if it
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: became or something for us in a sa your name
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: and HIV in the centsen is not at all sacond
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: right right, You're here for other people but yourself. So
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: I said, wait a minute, Okay, can I still have kids?
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: Because I wanted to know if I could still have kids,
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: because that's what was important to me. I wanted a
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: lot of kids. And everybody in the room was like,
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: what maybe I don't like like chuckle a little bit
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: say they had never heard nobody say when they got
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: a diagnosis, could they have kids? Because I wanted to create, right,
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: that's what the Bible tells us, we're supposed to create.
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: I wanted to create.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: I want a bunch of kids, work if I wanted
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: all of that. But they told me that I still
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: have kids. And right now to this day, after that,
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: I had three kids. All of my kids are negative.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: But what I experienced, what I've experienced for maybe twelve
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: years after my die From time I was diagnosed to
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: twelve years, I went through being abused. I allowed the
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: person that gave me HIV to abuse me. And when
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: I say aloud, because I knew I was getting abused,
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: and I still say that right after I figured it out,
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: I still stay in them. Not only that I became
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: govern us right, I'll use my kids. I was so
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: sad sometimes I was hollering, scream at them. I was
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: staying on the record because I didn't understand. I didn't understand, Like,
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: how could you give somebody HIV and they mistreat them?
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: You already did the ultimate? You don't forgiving me this right?
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: So how could you go outside and don't come home?
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: How could you talk to me like this? You fat?
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: You ugly? You this you would never I used to
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: be right, right, So in the midst of me going
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: through all these challenges in this relationship, continue to have kids,
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: trying to live through. I tried to live through the
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: relationship and the kids. So if I got kids, I
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: got a husband, we all right, ain't nobody would see
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: me as the woman living with HIV. And I did
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: that for so long, but it was draining me. I
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: was loving what was killing me and I was not
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: doing what God called me to do. And I went
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: to see a counselor and she said, you know all
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: of them, you got all of the answers.
• 51:54
  Speaker 6: You really know.
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: It's a woman that side of you down to come out.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: She said, you need the right So I said, right
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: now me, I I didn't have an education. I did,
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: didn't finish school. Then I dropped out in ninth grade.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: I couldn't. I can read, but you know, like really reread.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: So I'm feeling slow, like, no, I can't be writing
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: a book. M H. So I started journally like she said,
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: I said, I'm gonna write. And immediately when I started
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: to write, I was not the same person when I wrote.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: And today I understand what that meant these years later,
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: but in that moment, I didn't understand how am I
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: writing this? But I'm not living this because I had
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: to become that woman that I was writing. Though I
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: just was not hurt, I wasn't able to be her.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: So I allowed. I allowed myself to go through all
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: these different things when I tried to kill myself because
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: I felt like I was not a good mother, because
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: how would you allow your kids to be a mused
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: How did you allow yourself to be abused? How would
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: you allow it? Was like it was I was the problem,
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: and I don't. I felt like I didn't gonna live
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: because for one, ain't nobody gonna love me? And I
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: got HIV show that's not gonna happen my kids don't.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: I don't deserve to have these kids because I'm not
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: strong enough to take them out this environment that's not goose.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: And I continue to be sad, depressed. Sometimes I wouldn't
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: get up. Sometimes I didn't want to work. I just
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: allow the word HIV to scare me because if I
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: break up with this person and I have to just
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: live with these kids, I'm gonna be the girl HIV.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: And I didn't want to be the girl with HIV.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to be Cha Trivia. But nobody would
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: let me be Schatrivia because every time everybody saw me,
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: they saw the girl with HIV. And literally, to be honest,
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: that's the same thing people see today when they see me. Oh,
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: she would girl with HIV. It's all with somebody HIV.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: I be wondering, what is somebody gonna see Sha Trivia.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: I am just shat trivia. Like when you saw many day,
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: you said, oh, Shatrivia, not the girl with HIV. But
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: it's hard for people to separate it, right, So sometimes
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: I try to get people to separate.
• 53:58
  Speaker 5: It, but it's hard.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: It's hard for them to sell. But what I learned
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: through this journey that I just took y'all own was
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: everything that I experienced, the abuse, the depression, the anxiety,
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: the trying to kill myself, all these different things that
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: I experienced. God told me one day, everything you're going
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: through is not for nothing. It's not for nothing. Your
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: story is gonna change lives all around the world. And
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: I'm wondering, like, how how could my story the girl
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: that don't have an education, the girl that's hip polity,
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: the girl that's fat, the girl that don't love herself,
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: the girl that don't know nothing. I don't know nothing
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: about the environment, and on being in an environment of
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: me and me? How God, how was that gonna happen?
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: Because I knew God, but I didn't know God. Right,
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: it's a difference. We all said. I I'm a believer,
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: I believe God, but I wasn't praying every day, I
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: wasn't fasted. I wasn't seeking him. I'll probably read here
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: and there, but when you really truly have a relationship
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: with God, you could tell by the way you live
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: your life. And I was not him like that. I
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: just was talking to God on the surface, right, And
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: I got tired of being tired of myself. And see
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: what you can't do. God will do for you when
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: you can't get yourself out of a situation and He
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: want you out of it, and He will get you
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: out of the situation. So a situation happened, and I
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: will have a choice to make. Is you either gonna
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: stay with him and be a prid of the wrath,
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: or you're gonna live the life I have for you.
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: And I chose to live the life that God has
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: for me. And in that moment, I said, I'm tad.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: I'm tired of running from It's I'm tad of running
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: from HIV, right, because I knew what God wanted me
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: to do, Because that's one thing God would tell you
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: what you do. It's just sometimes we be so cloudy
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: and it's so much going on within us that we
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: don't know if it's Him or if it's us or
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: with somebody else talking. So you really can't clearly here.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: So I knew that God wanted to be to be
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: free as a woman living with HIV. Mean to say
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: to Trivia, you are HIV positive and it's nothing wrong
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: with that. He wanted me to live in that truth.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: But I wouldn't do that because that then I had
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: to do something right, because when God show you something,
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: that thing, you better do something. And majority of the
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: time we don't want to do nothing, we don't wanna
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: make changes, right. So I knew I had to leave him.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: So I left him, moved out of state, and I
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: got real, said, it's this sad is a depression that
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: won for years. It says something new. I'm probably struggled
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: with today now, but I know how to control them right.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: And I got sad. I got to press all over
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: again because now I got these kids by myself. I've
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: never been a single moment. How do I how do
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: I raise kids? I'm like, I don't know how to
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: do this. So I started drinking, smoking, party and I
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: just doing all sorts of stuff. And God, I said, Okay,
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: what you gonna do? He said, it's time to become free.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, now it's time to come free. Like this.
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: You want to be like this, I'm in the worst
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: seeing right now. He said yes, So I said, okay,
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: real as is coming up. I'm gonna go on Facebook.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: You know I'm gonna say, ain't be possible if I
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: die die because at that time I wasn't who I
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: am today.
• 57:02
  Speaker 4: I slept with two people and they tell them I
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: was an HIV positive.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: But I went back and told him after I did it,
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: and I felt like I didn't want to be comfort.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to be free of that because I
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: was gonna expose that they was messing with me and
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: it just gonna be too much and I didn't want that. Right.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: I already told them my truth they forgave me, but
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: to say it publicly will be different because that means
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: now the people they've been wing, it's just too much.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: But like I said, when God tell you to do something,
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: you got to sacrifice for him. Sometimes it sacrifice. You
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: gotta be yourself. And I ain't saying sacrifice yourself saying
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: you're gonna die, But if that's what it means, you
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: gotta die to do what God wants you to do,
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: that's what you gotta be willing to do. And I
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: was willing to die that day because I wanted to
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: be free, because God told me it was time. And
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: I got on there and I said, what the real
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: age they mean to you? What the real age they
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: mean to you? What it means to me is I'm
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: a woman living with HIV and that day might life changed.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: It changed for it just crazy. I have been writing
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: for years. I had no books full of stuff. I
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: was young, Like you said, you've been drug issues. Anything
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: happens right now, it's right. They don't care what it is.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: I'm looking at the I'm looking at the moon. To day,
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: I'm looking at the stars. I write that d like
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: I literally wrote everything. And when I became free that day,
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: I said, I'm gonna give educated about HIV. I'm gonna
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: start a nonprofit. I'm gonna write a book. I'm gonna
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: give me a center. I'm gonna do this, this, this
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: God is gonna do it. And I stay here spaf
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: years lay in God that did all of it, but one,
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: all of it for want. I don't have a center
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: for people that's living on HIV. But I've got educated.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: I started a nonprofit, I started a publishing company. I
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: I I but but God though, right, I did all
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: of this. But that's my story. But God is getting
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: the glory out of my my, my my, and what
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: I did and what I did and what I would
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: continue to do. But how was I able to do
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: all that after going through all of that? And that's
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: the work that all of us have to do regardless
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: of that. Just my story only gave y'all a enough
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: a nibbt of you. Right. But I could have went
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: in depth about depression days. I could have in depth
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: about how he beat it. I could have went in
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: depth about cussing my kids out. I could have went
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: in depth about trying to kill myself lying Still I
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: could I could have went a devil is no point
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: right because we won't got enough time. But we could
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: get on a zoom and we can all share. That's
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: the thing about spaces like this. When you get into
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: spaces like this, you can't share all of them. But
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: that's when you connect with other people and you start
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: sharing visus and pieces more of your story that helps
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: the other person. But what I had to do was
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: after all the smoke and clear that God said, Okay,
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: now this is what I want you to do. Now
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: that you need to do this. I want you to
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: do this giving me visions of all these different things.
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, hold on. And the best problem I
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: love about speaking this as I continue to speak on
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: you know, I have I have them, but I literally
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: did not eat either. That's that's that's amazing. It's amazing.
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: I'm learning that my speaking is getting better. That this
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: has nothing to do with my speeches. That's the part
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: that I love about myself. And it's the thing about
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: why I say thisself develop yourself. You gotta learn yourself
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: so much that when you even giving a speech, you
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: gotta you gotta, you gotta say you know what, I'm
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: proud of you because in this moment right now, I'm
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: proud of myself because I used to didn't have confidences to.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: Speak out loud like this. So now I'm seeing.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: Myself growing once again. I thank God for that. It's
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: just got to get in and habit a thank you
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: God for things that small things. Right, But what I
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: had to do is God telling me to do all
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: these different things. So you can do all those different
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: things and have no power about the power that God
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: gives us, right, it's a power and an avointance that
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: comes when you come in a roomb, you can feel it,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: and when you get to speak it. That's the power
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: of God and God gives us that right. But you
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: some people come through and just be speaking and you
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: like it's God. Ain't with that. God ain't in that.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: And that's the part that I want to talk about.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: Before I see that. What I had to do was
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: I had to focus on three things to be able
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: to do what I've done for the last five years
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: and the remaining of my life. I have to keep
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: doing these things. I don't care if whoever passed away,
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: I got to get married this. If he dies, I
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: still gotta do this if I lose and I'm seeing lost,
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: because that's a fear of minds. You gotta learn your
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: fears too. These it's so many things I deal with.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: So even if all those things fail, it's stuck. I
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: have to do every day because when my when God
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: says tributed that day, when it's trivia, I don't care
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: what does happened. I gotta go and I gotta make
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: sure that when I leave this earth that when they
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: speak my name, God's name gonna be in the same sentence.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: That's important to me. So it's things I gotta do
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: every day. The first thing I gotta do and what
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: we gotta doing, what y'all gotta do is the first
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: thing is we got healed, right, we gotta heal. It's
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: nowhere around doing nothing for the Kingdom of God, and
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: you ain't hell you can do it well once again,
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: ain't gonna be effectives? Right? What's the point of ineffective ministry?
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: We got we amss you walking all of us on
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: my own ministry, your everybody your own ministry? How can
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: you walk around and you're here? Right? So I kept
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: asking God what you want me to say about him?
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: It's so many areas, it's so biggy. But the one
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: that he you can speak about what's forgiveness. Giveness too
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: is too old, right. You gotta forgive the people that
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: are did stuff to you, and you gotta forgive yourself
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: for allowing it right or even participation, because sometimes we
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: don't want to say we the reason why we was
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: going through that, right, So we gotta we have to
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: sit down.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 5: And this is.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: Continuously because once you here for one thing, what season
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: in your life is another season and another season. So
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: they gotta sit down with self and saying, you know
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: what my feelings is valid? What right or wrong your
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: feelings is valid? But now you gotta figure give those
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: what the body will say, Forgive those they know, not
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: what they do. Forgive them. We supposed to forgive what
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: seven times Saturday? You forgive them. Forgive yourself and the
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: next thing you you focus on continuously. It's self development,
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: developing yourself every day. This don't got nothing to do
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: with it, with nothing but you. How can we write
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: books if we're not developing ourselves? Right? That mean we're
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: gonna write once again and affect the books. Were gonna
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: write books and sell the story. But it's once again
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: no power behind it. But when you healing, you healing
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: and healing and healing, and we run and elevating. Now
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: in your book you can tell the story. And when
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: you're done with telling your story, and this is what
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: God does is and this is how I run me
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: out of this And that's important. It's important to be
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: able to share and then give them something to do
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: or show them how you got through it. So developing yourself.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: Everybody's somelf development is different. My self development. I can
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: watch or listen to YouTube videos all day. If I'm
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: working on, Like I said, anxiety. I do this anxiety
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: all day. Different people talk about in goody. I can
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: watch certain listen to sermons every day all day. I
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: can write a journal, read a book right now. Reading
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: the book The Answer to Your Anxiety, I read. That's
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: my self development, developing myself, figuring out why I'm sad.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 5: What I need to be better?
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: What do I need to help people? How can I
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: effectively help people? Well, I'm at in my life? What
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: do I need? What do I need to stop doing?
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: What areas do I need to grow in? Right? Developing myself.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: That's the second thing that all of us need to do.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: We need to heal self development. And the last thing
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: we need to do is we need to focus on
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: our relationship with God. That's not the third thing. That's
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: to be the first thing. But that's just the way
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: I wrote it. I read it like that, we need
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: to focus on our relationship with God. What do that
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: look life? It looked like that for all of us.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: You might like to you might pray every day, and
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: that's you and God, that's y'all, tame, y'all spend. But
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: for me it might not be praying, which I need
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: to do it, but me just reading the word of
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: God being God like that might be our thing. Yours
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: may be watching asserment, Yours may be something different. But
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: you got to figure out where you hear from God, understanding,
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: understanding yourself. To be honest, you can't do none of
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: those things. Really, you cannot do one of one of
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: those things I told you if you ain't in tune
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: with God. Because think about it. The Bible say God
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: knew us before the foundation of the world. He loves
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: foundation of the world. Nobody would say, you know every
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: year on our head. So honestly, we don't even know ourselves.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: Because when certain things happen in your life, people I
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 2: can't believe I said that.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 7: I can't believe I do that. But God knew you
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 7: was gonna do it before you did it. So the
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 7: more you get in tune with Him, he will show
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 7: you who you are. He will show you how to
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 7: write that, you will show me how to not be saying.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: You will show you. People show us these things, but
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: sometimes we be clouded by all of these different things.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: And what God's gonna be the same with us. It's
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: us right we write books, right, we write books. Other
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: people going through other things. But we have birth, death,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: day right and the in between all of us. So
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: what you're doing the in between is what's gonna live
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: on forever. And the things we're doing right now, it's
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: what's gonna get us to heaven or what's gonna get
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: us to heal, And it's certain things that we gotta
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: do to make them. And I truly believe that if
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: we can focus on those three things every day of
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: the rest of our life, developing ourselves, healing, forgiving, trust
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: in God, praying fast, connected with other people, and in
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: a few weeks, if we just do those things right,
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: that we can keep adding to those and add and
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 2: adding more things to do. But we just can't be
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: out and living, not and not doing. But the more
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: of the story is your story is your story. But
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: your story has to get God to glory. And the
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: way your story get God's the glory is you have
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: to be connected to Him. You have to be connected
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: with other people with God. You got to be connected
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: with people that can pray for you at five apartments
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: with fifteen other women. Now somebody's gonna fly from another
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: state all the way to another state just to come
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: and prayer to shake hands to you. We got to
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: connect with these type of people so that we could
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: become effective people. Right and not only that this book.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: Then that's about that for a second before go writing books.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: So when we write books and people read our books,
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: we's that's the way you empower other people. People be
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: sad the press that people going through so many different things,
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: and what you write can change somebody life. So that's
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: why I believe it's so important to work on yourself,
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: because I would hate if I wrote something and it
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: triggers somebody to be a worse person than they already is.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: I would hate that. That would hurt me if I
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: do that, because I read that I've done that. I'm
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: not in control of nobody else. But I just believe
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: that the more we worked on ourselves and we trust God,
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: I think we can we can write books that can
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: help people. Just one person, every book, one person, and
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: that person telling one person about the book. I truly
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: believe that we can change we can change the world.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: And the one thing that I'm gonna go on promise
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: listom they said the end of world has coming, right,
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 2: I was living in the last thing, living in the
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: last day was says cool. The Bible did say that,
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: but it wasn't really specific if you really think about it, right,
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: it really wasn't It really wasn't right. So that means
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: we have we have the ability to get together and
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: show people the power of God right and it's wrong.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: And everything we get here, we go and we share
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: and share and share. And that's more people understanding who
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 2: God is and what he can do. I believe the
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: more Christians and the more people that believe God that's happened,
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: that's how we can change. That's how we change the
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: work introducing people and to who God is, the Kingdom
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: of Heaven, the Kingdom of God. But we do that
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: by doing these things connected with other believes. I hope
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: that helps somebody.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: Girls.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: And then then then and I use my notes and
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: about them notes. I used to be one of them
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: people that had notes and have questions when I used
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: to do the podcast. But I'm telling you every time
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: I used to go do something, and he used to
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 2: take them over the period because it don't be a lot.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: But you don't put over the paper because he wants
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: to use you. He does because over there incident somewhere,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: I don't know I ain't no thing about the stuff.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: I ain't no theologian, and I don't walk all. I
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: just go by experience. I just share my experience and
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: somewhere over there, excellus, he said, and you just go,
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: he'll shut it up. And if you open your mouth,
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: he'll he'll he'll give you what you do the same.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: So that's what I do. I just show up and
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: allow him to do whatever he's gonna do. Just show up.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: That's all he wants us to do, is show up.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: He'll give you the book, he'll give you, he'll give
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: you everything he needs. All you like show. So I'm
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: breakful today. I'm grateful for everybody that decided to be
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: a part. It may feel, but guess what, I got
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 2: something to me too. I I truly was blessed by today.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: You know, I've been saying that I was coming to Chicago.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: I was gonna come, and I was gonna work with
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: this young lady. So it was meant for me to come.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 6: And God knows what we need, he knows what we
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 6: may not understand all the time, and and and and
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 6: when we fail ourselves, he's always said, because that's what
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 6: he said, he will know. He wasn't to say, so
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 6: I don't. I counted our joy to be in this.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: You know, I finally got to bake it to Chicago.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: I finally got to meet you in person. I finally
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: got to get my gub So I'm good. I thank
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: God for for the fellowship. You know, he always know
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: what we need and when we need it and how
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: we need it. So we have to understand that this
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 2: is just the beginning. This is just the beginning of
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: something break because he can do break things. You know
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: you want to do. Books connect you with another another opportunity,
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: another outlet. Now you've got another outlet that you can
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 2: in your life. That's right here, will meet you. So
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: you have to be kind to Georgia. You have to wait,
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: gonna meet down there in Georgia you can connect with
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: So God I always know when he we need. And
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: not only that. She's a prayer. Yeah, she's She's a believer,
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: a true believer. I thank her for always being willing
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 2: to share and to poor because she is truly poor,
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: and I thank God for her. Her testimony is amazing
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: because I'm telling you, I probably would have been mad
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: and read and all types of feeling. See you you're
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: a good one. You're a good one, and I thank
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: God for the testimony. I thank him for who you are.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: I truly do, I truly do well. I'm grateful today
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: and and and no you didn't share, because come on
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: back home, because there's people tuned in over there. I
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: want them to know how they can connect with you
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: and all of that and stuff. So share with them
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 2: that men, how we can connect with you first before
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: I y'all my social media happens. It wasn't always this
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: easy with the forgiveness. That's where I lived with the
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: first gill and forgive because it took me no time
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: to forgive him in years. And what made me forgive
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: him the most is because I took accountability for myself.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: I said, I laid down and head.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 4: I'ma takeing sex too, right.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: Regardless of what he did, what he knew, what he
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: decided for his own life duty, I don't know, but
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: me as a woman, I had to take responsibility and
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: say I've done that. I laid him and I have to.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 2: I could have told you something right and I didn't.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 7: And that helped me forgive him and forgive myself for
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 7: putting myself in a situation, and then I had to
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 7: I forgave that. Then I had to forgive for something else,
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 7: and something else and something else, and I started to
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 7: not learn that forgiveness is forever.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be forgiven forever. So it took me some time.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: I forgave for that right, but it's up stuff I
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 2: still ain't forgave him for So it's it's it's it's
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: uge to it. But I'm learning how to get ask
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: one thing so like into another.
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 7: And I put so much on myself that I can't
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 7: handle because at the end of the day, I still
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 7: have HIV and I could do amazing things for God,
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 7: amazing things too die.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: But I still struggle inside sometimes because the things that
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: happened to me. And as I continue to grow and
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 2: heal and see God, I just prayed y'all prayers for me,
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: and I continue to forgive him and forgive myself to
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: say that the only I like him today easy It
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: was not that Ezy our social help. We don have
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: his AGA's Trivia Kennedy on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok Unique
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: Presents one, So anything you can find me on anything
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: Unique Presents, that's that's my punch. Your pumps. And then
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 2: my nonprofit is Unique Purpose in at y'allpel dot dot com.
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 2: That's my website. If the family anywhere there, but really,
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 2: if you really want a family, family, so it's gonna
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: get married and my name changing. So if you try
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: to do if you try to put you on one
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 2: of those trying to put me in, you're gonna better
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 2: family because the name gonna be different. But that's where
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 2: your family at, y'all or you can be ch'at to me,
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: and she is a definitely definitely don't and she's excited
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 2: about that name change. One of the things you can
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: that name changed me.
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 8: And I want you guys, Shane, I want you to
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 8: come and share really and stuff so that they want
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 8: to donate to maybe cash.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: Give the information so that they can donate to maybe
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: cash MS. Because I have someone to go. They try
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: to go. So if they go to the cot and
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 2: they go to the C O B A dot or here,
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 2: how do they go her name up? Because I said
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: some people over there.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 4: If you go to the website, it's h T T
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 4: P s.
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: U colon and then the two forward slashes C O
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 2: T A dot O R G forward slash.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 5: C O T A M O r K A s
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 5: H s H E A R T word slash.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 2: And that's the website to donate for cash, is heard exact.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 2: And if they can't if if if they don't get it,
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: if they go under with your they on the coat
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: because it is it's for children or your transplant associated. Yeah,
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 2: what they can do is go on my Facebook page,
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: Denise D E and s E bab b a E.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 2: It's pinned to the top of my Facebook page, so
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 2: you can always spend the link right at the top
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 2: of my Facebook page because I pen so if you
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: go to the website and for some reason you're not
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: able to pull it up, go to my Facebook page
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 2: and it's pinned right at the top. I eat it
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 2: right at the top of my Facebook page. But yeah,
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: and y'all know, if y'all can't find it, y'all know,
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 2: y'all can always reach out to me and our y'all
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: st Yeah, and she she shared it a few times too,
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: so it's also on her page. And if uh, yeah,
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: she'll always walking through the tube. So it's it's it's
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: it's up there, it's up there. Well, I hope you
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: guys have been blessed those at a tune then, because
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: we get ready to go eat. I'm hungry and we're
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: getting ready to go eat. So that's it for y'all.
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: We're finish, finish our fellowship. We're gonna eat, and then
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: we're gonna say good bye, so by y'all.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 3: Okay, m hm