Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 63. I got SCAMMED…can you relate? Bouncing back from Marriage Betrayal

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63. I got SCAMMED…can you relate? Bouncing back from Marriage Betrayal · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Hi love, this is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: We're cozy in for the conversations you've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Hi love, wow, I have a story for you today about how the other week, I got scammed Big time and I'm gonna bring you inside all of the hot little details.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: But one of the things that stood out to me as I was walking the path because the process of being scammed took a couple of hours and as it was happening, and especially once I figured it out and I was putting all the pieces together and connecting the dots and processing it afterwards, I was like holy shit, this is how so many women who are getting divorced feel.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Like I don't understand.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: The person who I'm divorcing is not the person I married.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I got faked out, I got scammed, I got taken for a ride because there was not integrity, my ex was not in integrity and I got the wool pulled over my eyes right.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Have you ever felt that way, like they didn't come through with what they promised.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: You know so many folks who talk about, but we took vows, we took vows right.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: And I think those feelings that I was feeling when I got scammed and making sense of it, was about this how did I not see this coming?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Feeling grossly taken advantage of, feeling like such an idiot, like I was so embarrassed.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: In the hours afterwards, days afterwards, I even said to my husband like I cannot talk about this with other people for a while because I am so triggered about it.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: And this was just about getting scammed and some money and some time and some feelings or whatever, right, this isn't years and years as years of being in relationship with someone.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to tell you the story of how I got scammed the other week and, if nothing else, like, don't fall for the scam.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Right, this is a public service announcement you need to know.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: But the other piece that we're really going to unpack in this episode today is how, from a law of attraction perspective, love, I was a vibrational match for getting scammed, and if you just slammed on the brakes or said, screw that, don, I'm turning this podcast episode off.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I was not a vibrational match for being treated like shit from my husband.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I just want you to hang in there with me, because it's really only when we can really see ourselves clearly that we can unhook and shift and rise.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: And so, ugh, did I know in those moments after I got scammed that I was a vibrational match for getting scammed?
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, I did.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: And did I even fully understand the extent to which, until I sat down and mapped out this episode for you?
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: No, but guess what?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Now I do, and now I am that much more aligned today than I was those weeks ago.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: And that's how it works, loves when we heal, when we rise, when we move our vibrations to the next level, and that's when we attract more and more and more good stuff.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Now, the trick about raising your vibration when you're going through one of your shittiest life experiences is it takes a lot of intention and a lot of energy and a lot of honesty with oneself, and that sucks when you're already feeling like crap about yourself.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: So I want you to know, at the front of this episode, you are pure magic.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Just because I got scammed and I was a vibrational match for getting scammed is not a reflection about who I am.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: What it's a reflection of was how grounded or not grounded I was in a moment in time in my life.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: What it is a reflection of is how I have a hard time managing anxiety during certain triggers Right, that's.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: It's about some skill sets, right?
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: What it is a reflection of is how difficult it is for me to embody my belief system when I'm in kind of a fight or flight state.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Right, I know you have a belief system, love, I have a belief system.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: It's faith-based.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: You know that.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You know on an intellectual level that you are meant to have good things, that source energy, god, whatever you call it right, is looking out for you and intends for you to be blessed and abundant.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: But when the chips are down and we're feeling it and we're like in the trenches, how good are we at really feeling in touch with that?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: And you know, for most of us it's a mixed bag, right?
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: So on the day that I got scammed, I'm gonna walk you through how it became like, just how I was ripe to get scammed, right?
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: But that's the key is what you are experiencing the fact that you are a vibrational match for divorce.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Love.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It is not about how magical you are.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: It's not about what abundance is coming to you or that you deserved to get divorced or that you quote, quote had it coming.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It's not about punishment.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: It's about becoming self-aware of where we're not doing a good job of feeling good, and when we're consistently not feeling good, we attract shit that doesn't feel good.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: And you know, sometimes that can be hard to wrap our minds around, like you're telling me, don, that all the bad things that happen in life are because I had it coming or because I, you know, drew it to me.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Like, sometimes bad things just happen in life.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I hear you, but it's like, you know, my daughter asks me to tune her ukulele and she brings me her ukulele and I go to my phone and I open the little website I use, right, and it asks to use my.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: It asks to use the microphone.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like staring right at what's the word.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: It's this microphone.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I have to use the microphone on my phone and it tells me where that note is vibrating, right?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Is it flat, is it sharp, is it on key, is it not right?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: And it tells me if I need to go higher or lower or whatever.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Right, if we had a device like that, oh, this would be bad ass.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Can somebody invent this, please?
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: It's coming, I guarantee you it's coming, if we had a device where we could go around and measure our vibrations, each of our vibrations, to know if we are attracting beautiful things or not.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: For most of us it would be a mixed bag, depending on the subject that we were measuring right.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: And so there are many things in life love, where your heart is open and you are joyous and happy, joyous and free, and you are locked and loaded vibrationally, and for many of us that's the case.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: And then there are these handful of subjects where, if you've put your attention on them, your vibration drops to shit.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: That's like my curse word of the day, isn't it?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: And the thing is is that when we don't get intentional about managing our vibration in those moments, then we keep drawing the negative things.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying, right?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: So it's about getting improving our skill set on raising our vibration so that we can keep welcoming abundant things into our lives.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Now let's go back to let's let's get to the juicy stuff.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: The story, right.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: There was my little sermon before the, before the story.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: So what happened?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: All right, we got to rewind back like six weeks.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, I get a jury summons in the mail.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: All right, first things first.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: The idea of jury duty actually really excites me.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I think it would be so cool to sit on a jury.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I love sitting with people and understanding how they think and what motivates them, and and I love balancing logic with you know it.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Just it's super interesting to me and I think it would be really cool.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you what I don't love about jury duty is that I am self-employed, and if I'm in jury duty I'm not at work, and if I'm not at work, like I don't go to the grocery store that week, that's a little dramatic, right.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: But that and look, even the narrative that I'm telling you is, you know, if I have to go to jury duty, like scarcity, scarcity, scarcity, okay.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: So I get a jury summons and I immediately throw a temper tantrum because somebody is telling me to do something that I don't get a say about and I'm not okay with it because it activates scarcity around me not going to work where I haven't planned for it, right, cause it was right around the corner.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: So I call the office and I'm going to explain to them and I'm going to get out of it.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Like shortly they'll understand like this is, this is my situation and I can't do.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: There is no exemption for being self-employed.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: That's not a thing, although I feel like you know, but anyways.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: So already I'm feeling like this is not fair.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: So, vibrationally, I'd be so curious to see where it is on the scale.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: But this isn't fair.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Something is happening to me.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: So now, where is my belief system about?
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Everything is always working out for me that my higher power has things in hand, that I am blessed, that I am cared for, that everything is on purpose, right?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Nope, that was not activated in this subject At that moment.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: It was not fair and and I was anticipating something bad happening, not something very good happening.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: So the lovely woman on the phone and I she offers me many dates to reschedule jury duty, which made me feel slightly better about it, because then I felt more in control.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Right Cause, vibrationally, where am I when somebody tells me to do something I don't want to do?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I get annoyed, I get angry, I get impatient, I get right Like vibrationally low.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, but she lets me reschedule.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for her assistance.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I reschedule it.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: We send in the.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I do all the paperwork.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I take all the notes on the backs of the papers about who I spoke to, what time I spoke to.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was thorough, okay.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So fast forward.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I get my new rescheduled jury date in the mail.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I have a calendar.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Now I can plan recording, because p s jury duties on Monday and I record podcasts on Monday, right.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: So now I can plan to make sure that I've recorded an extra podcast episode so that I don't get behind on all the details, right?
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: So now it's the Friday before I'm going on vacation, and it's about three something in the afternoon and I get a voicemail from a fairly local phone number.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: And that's interesting because, you know, I just moved here a couple of years ago, and so my phone doesn't ring from this area code, like a whole lot, you know, like you know spam and whatnot, anyways.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: And so I was like very curious, it wasn't my kid's school, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't anybody I had programmed into my phone.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: So like it was weird, right.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: So I checked my voicemail and it's a law enforcement officer saying that there is a warrant for my arrest because I did not attend jury duty when I was scheduled.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: So what happens?
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: My heart starts racing, I'm angry.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: So I'm scared and I'm angry.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: There's a warrant for my arrest which activates my good girl programming right, because I'm a good girl.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: And now I feel like somebody thinks I'm a bad girl and that for me this thing like I feel like I'm going to get in trouble, right, that's.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Now we can see where that is still got its little tendrils in in little spaces, right.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: But also I'm pissed because I know I handled this and so why don't you know I?
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Why don't you know I'm a good girl?
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Why don't you know I'm a good girl?
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: And now I got to jump through hoops to get it undone, right?
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: So I call my husband and I'm like okay, law enforcement called blah, blah, blah.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I'm nervous, all the things.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: He's like no big deal, just handle it, okay.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Now, somewhere in there I had a fleeting thought I should verify that this phone number is a law enforcement phone number, but I didn't because I was already triggered and I started going too fast.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Now there are other stories I've told you of being triggered and where I've gone too fast.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Remember, I told you a story, like a month or two ago, about getting into a fight with my ride or die because I got triggered and I practiced.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I even gave myself permission to go a little fast there because I was going to say all the hard things that normally I might swallow or bypass, right.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: So, but I'm getting a message from the universe that I need to slow down when I get triggered, right, I need to get even more intentional about taking good care of myself.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: So I didn't Google the number to make sure that it was actually law enforcement.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: When I called back and I got in touch and they said that there was an active warrant for my arrest and it was because I didn't do something correct, I actually got a tone you know the tone and I was like let me pause you right there, sir, that tone and he didn't like that.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Now, this is a scammer, right, he was really good.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: But he said excuse me, ma'am, I'm an officer of the court and you do not get to pause me.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And I start explaining the story and he's like ma'am, I am simply trying to help you.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Aha, now we could take a whole side rail here, which was happening for me as it was happening, about how this whole experience I had with law enforcement says a lot about how much we trust or don't trust law enforcement, or trust or don't trust government, or how safe we feel or how protected we feel about the quote unquote system and whether or not it's working for or against us.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: But if that's going to activate a bunch of negativity, let's not do that.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: But you know, a lot of what he said just tapped right into that good girl programming stuff right.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And he basically, at every turn, anything I had to say, he had the perfect response for why I couldn't hang up the phone, why I couldn't put him on mute, why I had to handle this right then and there and ultimately, why I had to go buy a bunch of gift cards for the total of $1,500 to get my bond, whatever happens right, and then go before the judge and blah, blah, blah.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: And that if I didn't, I was going to end up arrested and in jail for potentially up to 72 hours.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Now, the timing of this was uncanny because I happened to be leaving for vacation that weekend and if I was arrested, like it was going to, I was going to miss my boat.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: That was going to be very bad.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: So at some point on the phone with him, I just burst into tears and I started talking about how I felt, like I was on the verge of a panic attack, and so nowhere in there did I slow down enough to Google whether or not this was a scam, to figure out whether or not.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Now, funny story is that my husband and I both actually been arrested before.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: That's fun, keep coming back.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: And so and my husband got arrested for completely against, very similar to what this would have been right for a false, like a paperwork error.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: And so for him it just like dovetailed right into his narrative about oh yes, paperwork errors happen sometimes, and sometimes that leads to a warrant, and so this wasn't very alarming for him either.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Now, at the very end of the story, meaning it didn't alert him that this was a scam at first.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Now, at the very end of the story, my husband and I, right before we're going to virtually turn over these gift card bouts.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Now, you're listening to the story and you're like Don, you're an idiot, like this just sounds like a scam, right.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: But I was, so my heart was racing loves and I just wasn't thinking clearly.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And by the end of the story, as we're getting ready to turn these, virtually turn over these gift cards to this guy and I didn't even have a badge number, right, my husband and I look at each other and we both like it clicked for us both at the same time, and so I never actually lost any money, friends, so like thank God for that right.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: But let's look back at when I first got the jury summons, I felt angry and entitled and in scarcity, and then, when I got the phone call, I was already primed for that primed for scarcity and anger and then, rather than pausing to get grounded, rather than pausing to pray I was already primed for that to breathe, to trust that everything is going to work out the way it's meant to.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I blundered ahead from a triggered state.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Now, none of us is perfect.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: The goal is not to never get triggered.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't do anything wrong, but it's so valuable to be able to see how I was a vibrational match for a scammer, because what's a scammer looking for?
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: A scammer is looking for someone who they can manipulate and they can take advantage of so that they can get the outcome that they want.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Now, I'm not calling your ex a scammer.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: There are a handful of you who have exes who are absolutely scammers, right Intentionally taking advantage of you or hurting you for their own personal power.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: There are many of us, though, who have experienced not to this extreme that I'm describing somebody who's really intentionally moving outside of the law and their goal is to hurt and to harm for their own well-being right.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: But there are many of us who were married and are now divorced and we were vibrational matches for not sustainable relationships.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: When I was married, I was not skilled at relationships.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I was not skilled at conflict resolution.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I was not skilled at asking for help from professionals.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I was not skilled at admitting when I was wrong.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I was not skilled at being soft.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: Now, those were my major issues.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Right, I had a lot of unprocessed trauma, and that's just me checking my own inventory.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: But if you took the little scanner, doodad, that works like the tuner right, the ukulele tuner and you scanned my vibration on relationships, relationship skills, conflict resolution, self-esteem, right, those vibrationally I was going to be far lower in those spaces when I was dating, when I was marrying and when I was struggling in the marriage, right, and so vibrationally I became a match for relationship breakdown.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Now, are there things I can point to that my ex did, that contributed to that relationship breakdown?
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't serve me at all to focus on taking their inventory for my outcome, because what's most important next is to know what do you want in your future?
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: You may not want to get remarried again.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: You may not even have a future relationship on your plate, but I think most people at some point would prefer to be in a loving, committed relationship.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: And if at some point in your life love you want to be in a loving, committed relationship, then you've got to figure out how to become a vibrational match for loving, committed relationships, and that's going to mean a lot of different things that are going to happen slowly over time.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Right when we live life, we have experiences like getting scammed and connecting the dots and saying, oh, next time I really need to practice this skill before I move forward, because now I'm that much more self-aware, right?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: So when it came to relationship skills, I had to really learn how to stay loving and kind and cool and collected in an argument.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I had to learn how to say wow, I did not do a good job of that, I'm really sorry.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I had to learn when to let things go and when things really needed to be unpacked.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I had to learn when I needed to ask for help from a therapist or a coach or whomever, because it was outside of my skill set.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I had to learn so many things to be able to have the healthy, functioning marriage I have today, and I had to also get really good at knowing myself well and believing in myself enough to know my worth and to not feel insecure all the time.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And to not, you know, because a loving, secure relationship vibrationally means being able to have a loving, secure relationship with myself first, because if I don't have a loving, secure relationship with myself first, then again back to oh well, dawn, let's measure where you are in the scale of security, let's measure where you are in the scale of self-acceptance, let's measure where you are in the scale of open-heartedness.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Right Now, again, those things are going to be different on different subjects, because there are some places where I still get insecure, like when I got that journey summons.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: It said I couldn't go to work on the day I needed to go to work, I got insecure.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Oh no, what if I get behind with seeing my patients?
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: What if I get behind with recording podcasts?
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: What if I?
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: If I feel I felt out of control, right?
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: So when I feel not in control, I still vibrationally become a bit insecure.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, great.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: That's the next thing for me to work on, right.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: So so what I want you to hear from today is these things happen to all of us, and they happen to all of us because life is a series of learnings.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: We were never meant to come and get it all right, and I know you took vows love and I know that you meant those vows when you made them, but the thing is is that we change and we grow and we learn and we integrate and we internalize things, and we don't have to stay the same from then to now.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: And he didn't have to stay the same from then to now.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Right, we have to make space for our humanity and we have to make space for the gray area, and when painful things happen in our lives, it's not because I was a bad girl or because you were a bad girl or he was a bad boy, right, it's because that is the journey of life.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: The journey of life living, learning, growing and figuring out how to have a fun, amazing, feel good about ourselves and about each other time, even while we're doing those things, right.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: So so now we're back to the story where, okay, it's the day I got scammed and um, and now I have all these gift cards that I can't use anywhere.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I'm so annoyed and I'm so embarrassed and I feel like such an idiot, because anybody watching this show would be like look by you.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Actually, when I retell the story, people say like, holy crap, this camera was really good.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Um, but but I, but they never actually got any money, right.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: And so I'm like okay, what am I going to do with these gift cards?
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: And so far, I'd like to tell you I've done, really I've.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I've decided to take that pain and to turn it into power, right, and so, first things first, we went inside the store and we bought a handful of household things, right, this stuff?
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: We'd like some art supplies for my kid and like new pruning shears, for you know, when I get, when I buy flowers for myself or when my husband buys flowers for me, because I love having fresh cut flowers, I also love having plants.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: We have a lot, a lot, a lot of plants around here, but you know we need pruning shears for all these things.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: I love nature and all that.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: So new pruning shears, art supplies, new water bottles, I don't know.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Just a handful of things, right?
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: My daughter used the art supplies that we bought that day.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: She has used them nonstop for the last two weeks.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: And when we went on our family vacation she made little art things for all of our wait staff, our servers, all the like.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: She gifted people beautiful pieces of art with the art supplies I bought her.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: On the gift cards that the scammer right Like kick that whole domino thing.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: That happened right.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: So right there, boom, some beautiful things happened.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Next thing I just intuitively there was somebody who works for our family here and there and just intuitively, this person's face came into my mind and said, okay, you're going to give this person one of these gift cards.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And so when I saw them this week, that's what I did.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: And this person was like Don, you have no idea, I don't know how you knew, but like you have no idea.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: And then producer Joy you may not know this, but she founded a charity once upon a time and she is an amazing, magical unicorn and that charity is having an event this later this summer and needed some things donated.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: And she asked me and I absolutely hear please take these rates.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: So turning this pain into power and doing good with something that started as a negative vibration and making the absolute most out of it and not even just finding acceptance with it, right, but turning it into things to be grateful for and I know that me being scammed about jury duty does not.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: It pales in comparison to the path that you're working right now, but I want you to see the steps in it so that you can take this pain and you can take your power back.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: You can see where you're vibrationally attracting pain and you can look at creative ways to flip it into power, love, because that is how you bring good things to you faster and not end up.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: You know, many of us got stuck in a post-divorce phase for years and and yes, healing from a divorce does take in layers, it does take years, right, but there are many women who I've spoken to over the years and not just women many people I've spoken to over the years who get stuck in specific stages of divorce, healing for years at a time, stuck in scarcity, stuck in resentment, stuck in fear about the future or feeling like good things just aren't coming to them.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: And so I want you to hear how, once you realize what you're a vibrational match for, you now have way more clarity to shift what you're a vibrational match for Now.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that you have to work your tail off to suddenly.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: There are plenty of things in life I could point out a handful of them to you today that I know I am not high vibe about.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I don't sit in persevering on those things intentionally.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: I intentionally tried to get off those subjects because when we perseverate on the things we're negative about, we are now embodying that low vibration thing that increases how much negative shit we're attracting to us, right.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: So when I feel myself dropping into a topic and there are plenty of them that I am negative about I often work to change the subject in my mind, body, to go do something that feels better and then trust that it is my intention to heal that thing.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: It is my intention to transmute that thing, that negative, into a positive.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: But it's gonna come as a result of a process along the way and me sitting and focusing on it right then and there isn't gonna do it right.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: So I trust that, ah, I'm gonna go to a yoga class and something's gonna shift.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna take the perfect homeopathic remedy and something's gonna shift.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the chiropractor and all of a sudden later that day because I, you know, something out of alignment came to alignment, something's gonna shift mentally.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to church or I'm gonna go to a coach.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to things and I'm gonna be blessed with aha moments, insights, awarenesses, healings of the heart, bits and bobs of self-acceptance and acceptance for others, because the more I accept myself, the more I accept you and all the other people.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: And as these things come, those subjects will shift over time.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: But don't focus on them, love.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Don't call your girlfriend and talk over and over and over again about what an asshole your ex is.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Don't do it.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Don't sit in your journal and write over and over and over again about all the ways that you've been hurt by the infidelity I you know.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Fun fact, in the post-divorced road map, the 21-day immersive journaling experience, I actually put bonus prompts in there for people who specifically have experienced infidelity and some of the prompts in there are to write a drama-free, no-villain narrative of the story.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Do you know how hard that is for women?
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I can't do it, don.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: I don't understand it.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: I won't do it.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: It's not fair.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to do it.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: He's an asshole, I hear you.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: But that whole thing, that whole victim mindset that we get stuck in.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: It keeps you, keeps you stuck.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: So, yes, we have to process the depths of our grief, we have to get it out, but we want to do that in very intentional spaces.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: We want to go to an EMDR session and do that.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: We want to go to a Reiki healing session and do that.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: We want to go to a grief group and get it out.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: But then in the day-to-day moments we want to focus on the good stuff.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: We want to turn that pain into power.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: We want to make gratitude list after gratitude list after gratitude list until it becomes second nature.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: We want to focus on being grounded.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: We want to focus on having the right mirror messages so that when you have those messages on your mirror and then you get triggered, those things come the good, the skills come second nature.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Right, and you better be darn sure, the next time I get a phone call from Law Enforcement on a Verifier, the next time, right, I'm gonna verify.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: And then we want to be really careful that we don't let these experiences of getting scammed or hoodwinked or taken advantage of, or somebody hurting us, poison us.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: You know, a few days later, while I was on vacation, we were in the Bahamas and I ended up on a beach that was not owned by the resort or the cruise line or whatever and those are my favorite beaches, by the way, the ones that are just raw right of that natural space and they're not super manicured and super all the things, anyways.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: So I'm on the beach and this Bahamian individual says, hey, and it's after we had done the thing.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: We rented the wave runners.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: We had this amazing experience, right.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: And this Bahamian gentleman said, hey, I got this casino chip as a tip the other day, and it was a hundred dollar chip.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: And he said and I, by law, I'm not allowed to go turn this in.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Would you do it for me?
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: And I immediately felt my hackles go up Is this man scamming me?
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: And his supervisor came over and I was like you don't want me to be like what I just got scammed this week and I don't.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: And his supervisor said you're not asking her for anything, right?
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: And he was like no, no, no, no, I just you know.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: And they explained it.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: And he said I'm just asking you to do me this favor.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: And I was like I would love to do you this favor, right, but I could feel how, because I had been taken advantage of.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: My guard was up a little bit right, and that's the thing is, I didn't want to keep that going and I could feel it when it happened and I knew to catch it and and my husband was like a little annoyed with me for having said yes, because it meant taking.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: We took about an hour out of our brief vacation time that day to go do this thing for this gentleman.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: But I knew that in me doing it it was part of me healing that thing that had felt taken advantage of to do this good deed for this man.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: It made me feel good about this thing that I had experienced.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: And so when I explained that to my husband, you know he was like I got it, let's, you know, let's go do the thing.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: So that was one of the ways I made sure that my heart didn't get hard around getting scammed.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: Also, you know, the fact that I said to my husband I don't want to talk about this for a few days probably served me too, because I didn't go tell all my friends, I didn't talk about it until we got back from vacation with anyone other than my husband, and so because I didn't rehearse the story with people, can you believe what happened to me?
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: Because when we rehearse the negative story in that way, it keeps that vibration, that low vibration, going, which is the same vibration, if you notice, I felt when I got the jury summons.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: Can you believe what is happening to?
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: They're asking me to do this thing.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Can you believe it?
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: It's not fair, right.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: So I know it doesn't feel fair.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Love what you're going through.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: It doesn't feel fair, but everything we experience in life good, bad, and I indifferent is because we are a vibrational match for it.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but it feels way more powerful for me to take these experiences and turn them into personal power and acts of love towards myself and towards others.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: Peace, dear.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Divorce Diary is a podcast by my Coach John.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: You can find more at mycoachjohncom.