Latest / UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth / EP 41 - The Prison of Perfection

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EP 41 - The Prison of Perfection · UNMASKED with Wesley Farnsworth

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  There's a kind of prison that doesn't look like one at all.
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  It doesn't have bars, It doesn't have guards.
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  It doesn't have locked doors. From the outside, it looks
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  impressive. It looks responsible, It looks
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  admirable. But on the inside, it's
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  exhausting. It's the prison of perfection.
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  It's the pressure to always be OK, the need to have all the
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  right answers, the fear of letting people see you struggle,
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  the belief that growth means flawlessness and faith means
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  never falling apart. And the cruel irony is that the
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  very thing that we think makes us strong is often the thing
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  that's keeping us stuck. Today we're talking about
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  perfection. Not the kind that inspires
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  excellence, but the kind that suffocates honesty.
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  The kind that convinces us that we must perform instead of be
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  present. The kind that turns faith into
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  image management and healing into something that we postpone.
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  Welcome to Unmasked, the podcast where we take off the filters we
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  hide behind and step in the kind of honesty that leads to real
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  freedom. I'm your host, Wesley
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  Farnsworth. This is episode 2 of our
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  miniseries From Hiding to Helping.
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  And today we're talking about something that traps more people
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  than they realize the the prison, prison of perfection.
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  Last episode, we talked about the fear of being found out.
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  Today we're naming one of the biggest reasons that fear stays
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  alive, the belief that we have to keep it all together in order
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  to be accepted, trusted, or used by God.
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  Let's talk about how perfection becomes a cage, why does it feel
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  safer than honesty, and how God does His deepest work when we
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  finally stop performing. You see, perfection is sneaky
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  because it rarely announces itself as a problem.
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  It often shows up disguised as discipline, responsibility,
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  maturity, or spiritual commitment.
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  It sounds like wanting to do the right thing.
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  It feels like striving for excellence.
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  And on the surface, it looks like something God would
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  applaud. But freedom, when rooted in fear
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  instead of freedom, becomes something else entirely.
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  It becomes a mask when perfection takes hold.
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  You stop asking honest questions.
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  You stop admitting uncertainty, You stop sharing struggles until
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  they're already resolved. You stop letting people see the
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  process, and you only show them the outcome.
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  Slowly, subtly, your life turns into a highlight reel curated to
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  protect your reputation. And the dangerous thing about
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  that is this You can look spiritually healthy while being
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  emotionally exhausted. Perfectionism teaches us that
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  being valued requires being impressive, that being respected
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  requires being composed, that being trusted requires being
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  consistent without cracks. So we work harder, we try
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  longer, we pray quieter, and we struggle privately.
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  We learn how to manage perception instead of inviting
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  transformation. Many people don't realize this,
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  but perfectionism and hiding are deeply connected.
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  When you believe that you have to be flawless, honesty becomes
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  risky. Vulnerability feels
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  irresponsible. Admitting weakness feels like
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  failure. And so you don't just hide your
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  sin, you hide your humanity. You hide doubt.
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  You hide fear. You hide fatigue.
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  You hide disappointment, You hide grief, you hide confusion.
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  You do this not because you don't want help, but because you
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  believe that needing help disqualifies you.
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  And over time, that belief builds walls.
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  You may still serve, you may still lead, you still show up.
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  But inside, something begins to shrink.
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  The presence of perfection is built brick by brick with
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  expectations, some placed on us by others, but many are placed
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  on us by ourselves. Expectations that say you should
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  know better by now, You should be stronger by now, you
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  shouldn't still be struggling with this, You should not need
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  help at this stage of your faith.
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  Sound familiar? Those expectations don't come
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  from God, but they masquerade as spiritual maturity.
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  Scripture paints a very different picture.
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  The Apostle Paul, one of the most influential leaders in the
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  early church, openly admitted his weaknesses.
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  He didn't hide it. He didn't minimize it.
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  He didn't pretend that it didn't exist.
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  Instead, he talked about it openly and honestly and
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  repeatedly. He said that God's power is made
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  perfect not in strength, but in weakness.
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  That's not poetic language. That's a direct contradiction to
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  perfectionism. See, God does not wait for you
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  to be flawless before he works. He works in the middle of your
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  flaws. He doesn't need your
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  performance. He wants your surrender.
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  But perfectionism tells us the opposite.
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  It tells us that we need to clean ourselves up before coming
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  to God. It tells us that we need to fix
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  the mess before anyone else sees it.
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  It tells us that our value is tied to how well we manage our
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  image. And then you believe that
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  ministry. And when you believe that
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  ministry becomes exhausting. You feel pressure to represent
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  something instead of simply reflect God's grace.
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  You feel responsible not just for your behavior, but for
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  everyone's perception of your faith.
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  You begin to feel failure, not because it hurts, but because it
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  might expose you. And that fear keeps you from
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  being honest. Let me speak generally, but
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  truthfully at the same time from my own experience.
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  You see, there was a season where I knew exactly how to help
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  others. I had the right words to say.
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  I had the right encouragement. I had insight to share.
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  I had compassion. And yet there were parts of my
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  own life that I had kept hidden because I believed that
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  admitting struggle would undermine my credibility.
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  I didn't want to disappoint people who trusted me.
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  I didn't want to appear inconsistent.
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  I didn't want to give anyone a reason to doubt my faith or my
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  leadership. And so I kept pushing forward,
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  telling myself that once I got past the struggle, then I could
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  talk about it. But healing doesn't happen on
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  the other side of silence. It happens on the other side of
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  honesty. Perfectionism delays healing
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  because it insists that transformation must be tidy.
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  And transformation is not a tidy thing, because God does his best
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  work in the middle of the mess. He meets us while we're still
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  figuring things out. He uses people who are in
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  process, not people who pretend that they're finished.
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  Jesus didn't call perfect disciples, He called imperfect
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  people and transformed them over time.
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  He didn't wait for Peter to stop failing before trusting him with
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  responsibility. He didn't remove Thomas from the
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  group because he doubted. He didn't shame people into
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  growth. He invited them into
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  relationship. Perfectionism, on the other
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  hand, isolates. It keeps you from asking for
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  help because you think that you should already have it figured
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  out. It keeps you from community
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  because you're afraid of being exposed.
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  It keeps you from healing because you believe that healing
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  must come before honesty instead of after it.
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  And the result is often burnout. Burnout doesn't always come from
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  doing too much. Sometimes it comes from hiding
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  too much, From carrying the weight of being OK all the time,
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  from pretending that you're stronger than you are, from
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  believing your weakness is a liability instead of a doorway,
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  from saying you're fine when you're really not.
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  I encourage you to drop that 4 letter word from your
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  vocabulary. Stop saying you're fine.
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  Admit that you're struggling. Admit that you're not OK.
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  Take the mask off because eventually the prison of
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  perfection becomes uncomfortable enough that something has to
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  give. You're either numb to yourself,
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  you withdraw, you disengage, or you finally admit the truth.
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  And that moment, the moment that you realize that you can't keep
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  performing, is not failure. It's an invitation.
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  An invitation to freedom. It's God saying that you don't
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  have to live like this. Jesus tells us that God gives
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  grace to the humble. Humility isn't self hatred, it's
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  honesty. It's agreeing with reality.
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  It's saying I don't have it all together and I don't have to
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  pretend that I do. Grace flows where honesty
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  exists. Perfection blocks grace because
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  it insists on self-reliance. Humility invites grace because
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  it admits it. So the question becomes this.
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  What would happen if you stopped managing your image and started
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  telling the truth? What would happen if you allowed
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  people to see you in the process instead of only after the
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  breakthrough? What would happen if your faith
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  became something that you lived honestly instead of something
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  that you maintained carefully? You don't lose influence when
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  you admit weakness. You gain credibility.
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  You don't lose respect when you stop pretending.
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  You gain trust. You don't lose purpose when you
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  acknowledge struggle. You make room for God's power.
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  The prison of perfection tells you that your weakness
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  disqualifies you, but the gospel tells you that your weakness is
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  where God meets you. And the path out of that prison
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  isn't dramatic. It's simple.
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  It starts with a shift in posture.
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  Instead of asking, how do I look?
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  You ask, am I being honest? Instead of asking, what will
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  people think, you ask, what is God inviting me into?
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  Instead of asking, how do I maintain this image, you ask
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  where do I need grace? And that shift changes
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  everything. You don't have to confess
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  everything to everyone. That's not wisdom.
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  But you do have to stop pretending somewhere.
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  You do have to let somebody see the real you.
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  You do have to give God access to the parts that you've been
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  managing instead of surrendering.
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  Because perfection doesn't produce transformation, honesty
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  does. As we close today, I want to
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  invite you into a gentle but courageous practice this week.
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  Pay attention to where perfection shows up in your
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  life. Notice where you feel pressured
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  to perform, to have answers, to appear strong, to hide struggle.
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  And when you notice it, don't shame yourself, Just acknowledge
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  it. And then I want you to ask this
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  simple question. What would honesty look like
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  here? Maybe it's an honest prayer.
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  Maybe it's an honest conversation.
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  Maybe it's simply admitting to yourself that you're tired of
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  pretending you don't have to break out of the prison all at
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  once, you just have to unlock the door.
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  Next time, we're going to talk about what happens when honesty
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  starts to feel costly. When God doesn't just invite us
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  to stop hiding, but calls us to speak, to share, to step
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  forward, and to let our story serve someone else.
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  Our next episode is called The Call to Courage.
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  Until then, remember this. God is not asking you to be
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  perfect. He's asking you to be honest.
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  And the moment that you stop performing is often the moment
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  the real transformation begins. So take off the mask and start
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  living. God bless you.