Latest / The D.L. Hughley Show / DLHS Hour 3 | Comedian George Wallace Returns to DLHS Crew

Transcript

DLHS Hour 3 | Comedian George Wallace Returns to DLHS Crew · The D.L. Hughley Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: How you doing, Andy B? What's happening today?
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: I'm awesome. I'm awesome. I'm here.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Do you ever hear from people that hear about the
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: stuff you've done on the show?
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Do they ever remind you or do they ever hear
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: the stuff we say?
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, stay here. Make sure the goal is accomplished.
• 0:21
  Speaker 4: I may get a text.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I may get a text. Why do you think a
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: mama always changes sheets? Oh, sweet. And a lock on
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: the bedroom door. My aunt promised. She promised never to
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: tell my mom what she hears on the show.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, really?
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: She did? Okay, well, that's just one drink of Thanksgiving
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: from anything. That's all it is.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: For real.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to the DL Hughley Show.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: We're back with four really tough questions for George Wallace.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Let's see if we can handle it. For the hard way.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: For the hard way. That's all right right off the bat.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: That's all right. That's all right. Speaking of sexy and nasty.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Have you ever been accused of a Me Too incident? Oh, yeah,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: because my school teacher, she's 79 years old.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: They just had some kind of anniversary. But she accused
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: me of touching her and she wants to know, can
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: I come back and do it again? Yeah.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: You were talking about Seinfeld.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: What's the most expensive thing you've ever stolen from his house?
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Listen, that's my best friend for 42 years.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: I don't have to spill nothing.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I take it. I take it. He got it. Y'all,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I got it.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: He got it.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: Y'all, I got it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I wish everybody had a friend like Jerry Seinfeld.
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: Me too. Me too. Exactly.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: These broke-ass friends do not do it for you.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And people don't loan people money anymore either.
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: Why?
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I'm changing my name to George. I ain't got no money.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: I lost five friends this year, not by death, by
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: them not paying me back my money.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: People don't want, Jasmine, you owe me the money. I don't.
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: Okay, then you're my friend. Good.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I won't borrow any either. Don't ever. Don't borrow money
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: from Jasmine either. She's exactly the same way. I'm going
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: to chase you down. Well, no, I'll pay you back.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I've been blessed.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: I'm the most blessed person in the world. Out of
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: all the work I've done, I've never filled out an
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: application or turned in a resume.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Exactly. You were too busy fondling the teacher to learn
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: how to write.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: 79.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: There's something wrong with you. How old were you when
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: your mind just got up and walked away from you?
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: There's something wrong with it.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: All right. What is your favorite Your Mama joke?
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: My favorite Your Mama joke is that you tell your
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: mama they caught that rapist so she can stop sleeping
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: naked at night with the window open.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: That's my favorite.
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: The really smart joke I know about Your Mama is
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: she works down in Disney World.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: They call her Space Mountain. She's a good ride.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: Space Mountain?
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Space Mountain. She's a good ride.
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: But the line.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: So listen, you're the king of Vegas.
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: Quick question, though.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Do you still get pulled over by the cops?
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: A cop put me over the other day right here
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: in L.A., and I told the cop I thought I
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: was driving cautiously. I was trying to keep a safe
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: distance in front of the cars behind me.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: What? That was on my head, but I got it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: See, that's me. I will do some jokes sometimes to
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: make you think. Yeah, that would make me think.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: But no, I got jokes. I talk about anything, whatever
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: you want to talk about.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I just love going to work because I just lie, lie, lie.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: You could be the president of the United States of America.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: I could be the president just like that. There's something
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: wrong with y'all too, buddy, but you know that.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I love it. It is now time to give a
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: deserving someone the Shoe Booty of the Week Award.
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: Now, it's time for the Shoe Booty of the Week Award.
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: Katie Sharon Zachariah. As an American political commentator for Newsmax,
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: Zachariah became Deputy Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs for the
• 3:53
  Speaker 5: Department of Homeland Security in February 2026. You want to
• 4:00
  Speaker 5: be the it girl, but you ain't got it.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: So why is the new MAGA Barbie this week's recipient
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: of the shoe booty of the week award?
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: She's the devil.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: She gets the shoe booty because just like a lawyer,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: she's all cap.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: What do you mean?
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Donald the Dictator Todd's brand new secretary, Laya Zachariah, had
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: her first and last briefing dressed like a flight attendant
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: on Spirit Airlines.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: She ain't going to that damn party. Let's all do it.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: I don't care a.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Damn what you say. 14 minutes, three questions, and other
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: than looking and sounding like an AI Magabot, The entire
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: thing was spent aggressively kissing the Burger King's gravy tunnel. Oh,
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: that's nasty. It was less a briefing and more like
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: a bad impression of Caroline Levitt. Then, reporters asked a
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: simple question. Where did you pass the bar exam? She's
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: been introducing herself as a lawyer for years. Y'all!
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I object.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: She goes, when I move to China, can we say
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: all cap? Okay, two big issues. Number one, nobody can
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: find any record of her passing the bar in any
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: state in America.
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: Damn.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I can't see. Number two, China does not let non-Chinese
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: people take their bar exam. Oh, hell no. So, either
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: she completely forgot you have to be Chinese to take
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: the Chinese bar, she drank at a bar in a
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Chinese restaurant, or she just invented an entire legal career
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: somewhere over the Pacific. She was on the job for
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: less than a week. You ain't got no job. She
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: was supposed to be the new press secretary, but she
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: looked more like a depress secretary. And that's why the
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: shoe booty of the week.
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: Award goes to Katie Zachariah.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Now here's a swift kick in the ass.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Now it's time for what you need to know with
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: the one and only Sybil Wilkes.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: It's Sybil Wilkes with what we need to know. In
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: Southern California, homicides across Los Angeles dropped to near historic lows. Yet,
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: black residents account for 35% of the victims, despite representing
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: just 8% of that city's population. Florida Democratic Socialist Senate
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: candidate Angie Nixon is facing sharp bipartisan backlash after declining
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: to directly classify Cuba as a dictatorship in a televised interview.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Though she later clarified she believes Cuban-Americans who describe that
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: government as oppressive. In federal law enforcement, 43-year-old Akinade Rahim.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: is in custody in Atlanta following extradition from Africa, charged
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: with orchestrating a massive $ 100 million tax refund fraud ring.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: And on the hardwood, the Charlotte Hornets announced they will
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: officially retire former point guard Muggsy Bogues' number one jersey
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: on February 11th, honoring the 5'3 franchise icon.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I'm Sybil Wilkes.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: Be informed.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Be empowered.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Sybil. Skip, did she pay?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, we fully funded. And loaded for bear, baby. She
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: gave us a 20% tip, too.
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: Oh, man, come on now.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Take that.