Latest / Normally / Normally Podcast: Can You Really Have Career Success and Family Life? Parenting, Balance & Modern Challenges

Transcript

Normally Podcast: Can You Really Have Career Success and Family Life? Parenting, Balance & Modern Challenges · Normally

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys, you're a back.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: On normally show with normal wich takes for when these
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: gets weird.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: We were doing some ask us anything, and you.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Guys have been kind enough to contribute questions to us.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: So let's kick it off with whatever we got under
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: the hood here.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: We have a lot of good ones. Mary Catherine.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: We're going to start with what advice do you have
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: for young women who want to get married, have kids,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: be a pretty.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Involved mom without completely.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Throwing their career prospects away. I really feel like we
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: get this a lot, and I do think it's so
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: important to address because people are worried about this.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: They want both and they don't understand.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: They're told they can't have both by a lot of people,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: and they're looking to us to tell them that they
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: can have both. And I'm here to say you can.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: You absolutely can getting married, having kids, being an involved
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: mom should not mean you don't get to have a career,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: and anybody who tells you otherwise is lying to you.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Does it mean that you will, you know, one hundred percent,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: be at every single thing that you always want to
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: be at for both your career and your kids. No,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: you may have to miss a thing or two. But
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: getting most of it in both places is enough. And
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you you will make choices and
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: you will find the right balance and it's completely doable.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: What do you think, Yeah, I think the good news
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: is that, particularly post COVID, I always say that I
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: had a COVID era flexibility pre COVID that I created, Yeah,
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: for myself, and but part of that for both of us,
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: was being intentional about making choices and taking gigs that
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: allowed for the flexibility for me to be with my kids.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: That was the plan. That was why I chose to
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: follow this path. It's why I didn't choose, for instance,
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: to run and gun for my own primetime show or
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: something right, That was not the object. The object was
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: to be in my kids' lives and to be around
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: and available sometimes at odd hours where a nine to
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: five job wouldn't work for me. And as a result,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: there are opportunities I didn't take. There's money I didn't take.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: There's flexibility I took instead of money. There's healthcare situations
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: that had to be a little more patched together because
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: I was taking gigs that you take that. So that's
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: my experience in the Bombacare Mountain Market Woo. So there
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: are sacrifices, yes, but my eye was on the ball,
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: and the ball was I want to spend time with
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: my kids, so I think, and I'm not the most
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: intentional person in the world, you may have noticed, Carol,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: But on this front, I think I had in mind
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: that this is what's important to me, and this is
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: what's not as important to me. And knowing that and
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: being able to be confident and what's important to you,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: that's half the battle.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll also add I feel like there's a lot
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: of rigid thinking about being with your kids. So a
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: lot of people will say, you know, when you're with
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: your kids, don't even look at your phone. Well, no,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I pick up my kids from school, you know, at
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: three o'clock every day, and I'm still working, so I
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: do have to look at my phone. And I'm sorry,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: like I don't get to just just log off and be.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Completely with my kids. I pick them up every single day.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I have the conversations that you can only have on
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: the drive home from school, that they suddenly open up
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: and talk to you about stuff. I'm there, I'm present
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: as much as I can. I do avoid the phone,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: but look if I have. If I'm on a deadline
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: or if my editor is sending me something or whatever,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I am going to be on my phone a little bit,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: like give yourself a little grace and space to do
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: both things sometimes.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I try to model good behavior in that way,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: and I'm not always great at it. Yeah, but I
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: would say I there's rigidity from everyone in the online
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: conversation about this and in the discourse about this that
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I think crowds out how many more choices we have
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: exactly than we used to. My mother didn't have half
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: the choices I have available to her, and so or
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: the resources or just in like like having groceries delivered,
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: for instance, which is a more expensive way of doing it,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: but if you need it, you can do it. Like
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: there's all these things that she didn't have at her disposal,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: and I look back at her and I go, how
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: is she like running errands every Yeah? How is she
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: getting anything done?
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: And didn't have cell phones?
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm kind of amazed by all that she did
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: get done back then. And of course my dad was
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: similarly supportive as our husbands are, so that was a huge.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: That's another thing.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Marry the right person who will support you in your
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: decisions and be there for you and have you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: some shared responsibilities in the home. I've talked about this before.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: We are fairly heteronormative. If something breaks, if he has
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: to fix it, like right, I fold all the laundry.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Like we do kind of fall into the very typical
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: women in female and male roles. But we do both
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: have responsibilities and we both participate in parenting for example.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: That's something that we do together.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah. The other form of practical advice I would give
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: is if you do want to get married and have kids,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: be clear about that in your own mind and with
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: potential partners, and don't hang around for six years engaged
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: or living together or whatever the thing is. If you
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: want that to be your path, make it clear and
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: either what do they say, fish or cup bait?
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: That's right, pooper, get off the pot.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I said it the nice way.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: So that brings us to our next question, which actually
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: fits very well with the end of that. Where can
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: we hear mkh uncensored? I want to hear full potty mouth,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: but it ain't going to be on cable or podcasts apparently.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I can get pretty bad. I must can.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Yes, I've never heard. You're always like very non cursy,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: not in.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: My house, not in my house, And I don't think
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: I will do it publicly because it's it's bad for
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: and I should be a better, more polite Southern lady,
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: and I shouldn't.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: I see you as that polite Southern lady like our
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: friend Bethany Mendel, like she curses, she curses, you know,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: in her everyday life.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: You do not curse, you know her sometimes?
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Well, I again, I do, but not on air. And
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: if you really want to see it, you'll have to
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: catch me at a sports bar watching a dog's game.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, but the dogs have been winning, so I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: know you're not even cursing at the TV screen.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Come on, that's true. But if you were to find
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: me out of line in public, that's where it would be.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Can you too, please host a party? Women are desperate
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: for connections with like minded women, and all of your
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: listeners would become best friends.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: That's so fun.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I used to do that for my blog. I used
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: to have, like, you know, people who read me. We'd
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: have like parties and people did become friends and get
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: married and all kinds.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Of stuff through those meetups. I'd love to do that.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Actually I don't know where where would we do that.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: It couldn't be like in DC, right, I mean, you know,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: and I don't. I mean, I pitched South Florida, But
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I also just don't think it would be here either.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Where where would that be?
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Like I like the idea let's sprainstorm it a little bit.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Also a thing that I think, I think this uh,
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: this listener is correct that people are longing for connections.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that I should probably make
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: a New Year's resolution is that I'm not great at hosting.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a nervous hoster when it comes to
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: dinner parties or even just having people over casually. I
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: get nervous. I get insecure about what I'm offering and
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: is my cheese good enough?
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: I hear you, I hear you.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: And so I need to get better about that because
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I feel like I don't go to other people's houses
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: and get mad about what cheese they offer me, like
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: like if they're not judging me, they're my friends, like
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: they could come in, don't be fine. So I'm going
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: to try to get better about offering that part of connection.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: To other people as well.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I like that.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I'm look, I'm also a nervous hoster actually, and not
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: much of my house, but when I have to have parties,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: or like when I had book launch parties or my
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: kids barb butt mitzvahs, I'm always like people having fun.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I just can't tell. So that kind of stuff makes
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: me nervous. But yeah, you're right, there are friends they're
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: not going to care well.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: And the fact is, when you get a bunch of
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: cool people together, they have.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: Fun, right, It's so obvious.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And our friends are cool people and our listeners are
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: cool people.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I think, you know, we'll have to figure
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: out a way.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe it'll be around some other big event, maybe like
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: the next you know, GOP convention or something.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: I don't know, that doesn't sound that fun actually.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: But something something, some kind of big something. Maybe we'll
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: have a together normally listener party and you know that'll
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: be the that'll be what we do.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I like it all right.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Speaking of your cheese, actually, can you DM me the
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: pimento cheese recipe from Hurricane ninety three on Twitter?
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: Why do you.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Leave this poor listener hanging? I just don't understand the
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: pimento cheese. Mkay, the people want.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Should look, it's very simple. I just you know what
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I need to do. I need to text my dad
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: right now and be like, is this public? Can I
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: just make this public?
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: And I feel like you said this a year ago.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I know, but this is the problem with my my
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: brain dysfunction is that once I once those words come
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: out of my mouth, I will forget they came out
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: of my mouth and I will not follow up. But listen,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna write it down right now.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, mister hammer, can this be public.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: About the pimento cheese?
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: Okay?
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I mean really it's very simple. It's that's the thing
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: about all the fancy pimento cheeses. You all need all
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: that you just need like you just seed the cheese
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: and the mayonnaise and basically red pepper flakes and that's
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: that's that's about it, Folks's it?
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you know in the pimento obviously Hurricane
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: ninety three.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: I hope you're listening and there you have it.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: But I you know, we'll find out if I'm.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna work on this. I'm gonna work on this, all.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Right, So we do a serious one. Sure, no more
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: pimento here we go. Why do you think jd Vance
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: is in case capable of distancing himself from Groeper's or
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: even taking seriously anti semitism on the right. I have
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: been thinking about this a lot, and I really like Jdvance.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I liked him before he became vice president. I still
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: like him today. But he's whiffing on this, and he's
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: missing the opportunity to define himself as the kind of
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: man who won't stand for this kind of thing.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: And I get it.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I get that there's a lot of difficult angles to this.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: He's very close friends with Tucker Crelson. I have admitted
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: on here that I delayed saying anything about Tucker until
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: it got really bad because I like Tucker Crelson.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I liked him. I used to go on his show.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: We were friendly, we used to text, and so I
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: gave him the benefit of the doubt until it was
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: impossible to give him any more benefit of the doubt.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: And that's where J. D van t has to be.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: The time for this has long passed. There's no denying
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: what this is anymore, and I'd love to see J.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: D Vance take a stand. I think it would be
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: good for him. I think he thinks he would lose
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: number of followers or you know, people who would vote
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: for him. I'm not so sure. I think he would
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: gain people. I think people long for sanity and normalcy,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: and he could deliver that to them.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: Also, leadership is important. Yeah, you know, even if you
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: think there's a segment of people who will not come
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: with you right on these very sane, decent person sentiments, yep,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: you can help by leading.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: And He's in particular, is a very effective communicator who
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: has relationships with people who are listened to by younger
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: people on the Groper right or the Internet right, and
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: could actually influence how people come to their conclusions about this.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: So that's the thing that he should do. It's an
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: opportunity I think. Also on other fronts. You know, I
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: remember when the Signal Chat was publicized by Jeffrey Goldberg
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: at The Atlantic because he had been mistakenly added to
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: the signal chat. What struck me is just how hesitant JD.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Vance was about American force because even in the case
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: of American targets being hit and these you know, very
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: obviously places that we should have control over being hit
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: by Wouti's He was like, should we be up to this?
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: So there are things that concern me about his ideology
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: that I just don't agree with, and I don't I
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: think that Trump is more willing to make those calls
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: and would be concerned about him. And I think Left
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: and right welcome to the horseshoe when it comes to
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: young people. The establishments of both parties are trying to
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: figure out how they keep young people in and they
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: see the polling on young people turning against Israel to
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: some extent being a little more isolationist and in fact
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: sometimes openly anti Semitic, and they don't know how to
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: keep that under the tent without sort of winking at it.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: And to your point, Carol, I think that's not only
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: morally wrong, but probably tactically strategically wrong in the end,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: because the Normies outnumber these folks. That's it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: The Normi's out number them.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Concern, of course, is that that fringe wing will keep
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: growing and the Normies will be outnumbered.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: The thing about Israel, which is why I think that
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: leadership is important from someone who's a really good communicator.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: For sure, And the thing about Israel is that it's
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: not about Israel. It's really not like if you want
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: to cut you know, all funding to all you know,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: all foreign aids to all countries, go ahead, run on that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: Discuss that. Don't wink at it.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Don't like pretend you're talking about something else, like I actually,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I again, I don't.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: I think a lot of people.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Ascribe motives to JD. Vance that maybe he doesn't have.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: And I'm talking about the groypers see him as as
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: a fellow traveler, like oh, he's going to dump his wife,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: his Indian wife and marry you know, Charlie Kirk's widow.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Kind of insanity online. I know.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: But the thing is, until I hear it from him,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know what he stands for. And this whole
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: idea of like, oh, people are just attacking Tucker because
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: they want they hate JD's foreign policy. And my comment
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: to that is, is JD's foreign policy different than Donald
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Trump's foreign policy?
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: And if so, does.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: The president know that his vice president's foreign policy is
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: different than his own? I feel like this is an
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: important conversation to have. Why are we having it in
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: like whispers on the internet instead of out loud, you know,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: everywhere I'm going to continue to give JD the benefit
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: of the doubt, and I'm going to see where this goes.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't love how quiet he's been and
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: how muted his.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: Criticism has been.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: And I get that he doesn't want to get caught
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: in the trap that mainstream media does set for Republicans
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: to constantly be denouncing things.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I get that. I get it. You don't have
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: to be denouncing everything all the time.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: But this is becoming something that you may want to
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: denounce in in the near future.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Cry it out method for or against? If four at
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: what age?
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Oh this is this is very controvery last one.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, really, I don't know. All right, let's hear it.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: So I am after four kids. I have always been,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I think modified cry it out so I won't leave
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: them in perpetuity. Yeah, but I will do a timer
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: for a few minutes to see if my children starting
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: it about I want to say, like five ish months, Okay,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: can learn a little bit to put themselves to sleep,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: to self soothe a little bit. Right now. There are
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: some people on the other end of the spectrum who
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: think this is like just monstrous behavior. Really okay, yes,
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: and that my children like will not we'll have attachment
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: issues and all it. It's like, Okay, I don't know.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: I keep them in my room till they're four and
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: a half months old. I feel like we're pretty attached.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: They're attached.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: I feel like you're attached.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I do think I'm on the side that
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: thinks sleep hygiene, like decent sleep patterns and teaching them
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: are pretty good for both mom and baby, and particularly
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go insane during the first year
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: of my child's life because that doesn't make me a
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: great parent for anyone, right, So yeah, I do a
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: little bit of like co sleeping and bascinette in my
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: room for four or five months, and then I do
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: a modified version of teaching them to sleep on their own.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: So here's my question. Did you read any parenting books?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Not really. I read Expecting Better About Pregnancy because I
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: really appreciated Emily Ooster's approach to treating pregnant women like
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: adults who can make decisions based on rational risk analysis.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: And then after that I did on my third and
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: fourth kids have to brush up on sleep stuff, really,
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: and they were different kinds of kids, and I was
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: living it is.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: The kid that this different throws you off completely, lands
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: go out the window.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: And I think my force was probably my worst sleeper.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: But they've all been pretty decent, which is why I
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: have four kids name right and so on. The last
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: ones I did taking care of Babies program a little
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: bit to try to refresh my memory is a. She's
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: an Instagram influencer taking care of c r A babies,
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: and I find her to be responsible, middle of the
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: road maternal force who has a lot of experience and
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: just has practical tips for how you can get your
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: get your sanity back posts.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I only read Happiest Baby on the Block, and the
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: only thing I remember about it is start how you
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: want to go on, which is something that I live
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: by completely. Like I think a lot of people expect
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: their kids to change or they oh, Bill, garade of
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: this and I won't have to like do this anymore.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: I think you know, as.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: The great philosopher Jay Z said, you are who you
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: are player, and you could try to change, but that's
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: just the top player. You was who you was when
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you got here. You was who you was when you
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: got here, and I think my kids just stayed that way.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I don't think we ever did cry it out. We
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: the middle child is our only was our only bad sleeper,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: and maybe we'd pause before we'd go into the room.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I remember some other French parenting guide that I maybe
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: skimmed had a le pause thing where you just wait
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: a second and see if they calm down on their own.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe we did that, I don't remember ever, just like
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: letting them cry it out. I guess I just I
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: didn't read enough parenting books or enough parenting information. There
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: was not you know, was the era before Instagram, you know, influencing,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: So I didn't really have the guidelines of what I
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: was supposed to do, and we just we did our best,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I sound like such an old lady.
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: Wow, Like my god, there's really there really is something
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: to taking a beat right, just just like okay, like
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: not because I do think you'll drive yourself pretty crazy
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: if every single whimper which does happened, Like there have
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: been times in my parenting journey when I was anxious
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: and I had the baby right next to me, and
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: every single thing I was up and like oh.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: And I realized that that was not a healthy loop
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: for me to be in. And it wasn't help for
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: me or for the kid totally, and so I had
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: to kind of work myself out of that doing some
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: modified behaviors.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: So all right, I mean I like that question.
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I think that that's the kind of thing that you
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: just have to kind of figure out for yourself what
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: works best for your family. But I love that the
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: sharing of information, that's what parenting supposed to be, Like,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I saw a funny clip the other day that
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: was like Sam Altman the Chatah the open opening. I
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: was like, I don't know how anyone had a baby
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: before AI, And it's like, well, for a long time,
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: we've done that.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: Even before Google people had babies.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I heard. It's like welcome to natural selections. Sir, Like, yeah,
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: all right.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: We'll do one friend, Yeah, I talk to your friends
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: about it, for sure, we'll do one more question. Okay,
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: besides moving, what is your advice for normal, sane families
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: who are trying to raise kids in New York City? Oh,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: my gosh, besides moving. Besides moving. Look, I get moving
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: as hard and all of that, I really do. I
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: understand that it's not possible for some people, but it
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: has to be considered. Is what I would just say,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: maybe you don't. You can't move like to Florida or something,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: but maybe you move to Long Island. Maybe that's the
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: solution or the compromise that you make to keep a
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: sane childhood for your kids. If not, I would say,
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: find the enclaves in New York City that are more sane.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: My part of South Brooklyn, basically all of the neighborhoods
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: south of, like Park Slope, are barely sane and just
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: more normal, more places where you won't see the kind
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: of insanity that you'll see in what I largely consider
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: the trans plant neighborhoods of Northern Brooklyn.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I live in kind of a I'm
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: in the mid Atlantic, I'm near DC, but not in
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: it sort of medium level of issues with weirdness, certainly
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: in the school system, the public school system, and that's
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: what that's one of the things that's so sad about
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: the public school systems and the teachers' unions and all
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: the weirdos taking over is that you've stolen normal from
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: the Norman We could have had normal, We used to
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: have normal, and there's been a concerted effort to make
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: that not the norm. Anymore. So one of the things
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: I do is that most of the things we do
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: have a faith component, because I find that extracurricular activities
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: that are explicitly religious are what normy.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: Was in the nineties, so true accepting Judaism, well, and
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: this is the problem right in Christianity that works and
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: it does not work as well.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: You guys are looking, But yeah, I put my kids
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: and stuff that like feels very old school because it's
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: explicitly religious, but feels very old school. Feels kind of
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: like nineteen ninety five to two thousand and two.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: It so those were the glory days.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: So that's one of the ways. And I also we
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: make sure that not make sure, but we are surrounded
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: by a lot of military families as well, so that's
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: a much more yeah, normal demographic.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: I would say that find your people, find the people
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: who think like you. Even if you guys are well
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: out numbered, at least you'll have each other for sanity.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: At least you'll be able to look at each other
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: and say, this is crazy, right, what's going on is crazy?
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Like not sweeping up homeless encampments and letting them grow
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: and fester. That's crazy, right, Okay, good I just needed
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: a reality check that this wasn't a normal thing to do.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: That's the that's the want to raise your kids. If
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: you have to raise your kids somewhere that people largely
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: disagree with you, find the people that do agree with
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: you and form your own communit unity. And that's that's
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: really the only thing you can do. Move to Staten Island.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, they're kind of still normal.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, good luck you guys. It's not easy.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: You gotta make any these decisions. It's not easy.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: No, it's not easy. It's not easy.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: And I really feel for the people who can't make
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: a different decision.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: And I really really understand you, and I think about you.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I root for you.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: I want things to improve for you.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us on this very special ask us Anything.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: Episode of Normally Normally airs.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Tuesdays and Thursdays, and you can subscribe anywhere you get
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: your podcasts. Get in touch with us at normallythepod at
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Thanks for listening, and when things get weird,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: you act normally.