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5: Whitney's Ministry · The Infertile Diaries

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever walked through a season that shattered everything you thought you knew about God?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: The kind of suffering that forces you to wrestle with questions you never imagined asking, like is there a God?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Is he really good?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Can I still trust him if he doesn't heal me?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: In today's episode, I share how my darkest struggles became the birthplace of my ministry.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because in the middle of all that pain, I heard a sentence that changed my perspective profoundly.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready for it?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, here it is.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Your circumstances are not the lens through which you should view God.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: That simple, singular truth became the foundation for rebuilding my faith.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I had to tear down the version of God I had unknowingly built around my expectations and culture.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to learn to anchor my hope in who he actually is, not in whether my prayers were answered the way I wanted.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: My journey of faith didn't rescue me from suffering, it resurrected me in the middle of it.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I was able to shed the victim mentality that had taken root and forged a warrior spirit in its place.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: I stopped asking, why is this happening to me?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And started asking, who is God calling me to become through this?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: If you're barely keeping your head above water, if your faith is hanging on by a thread, and if you're desperate for a new way to see your pain and to suffer well, this episode is for you.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: We discuss all this and more.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Infertile Diaries.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: This isn't just a podcast.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: This is your place, and these are your stories.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: A place of heartbreak to hope.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: This is the Infertile Diaries Podcast.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: But bit by bit, through the study of scripture and with the help of godly individuals possessing sound doctrine like my pastor, I got to the other side of my faith.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: The one that's been tested, and I know to be true, I've lived it.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness, Whitney.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: That dicks me back.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I I just have to say this book is amazing, guys.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Whitney Henneman with Thank you.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: The Baron Cry and Infertility and Miscarriage Devotional.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: Whitney, this book is absolutely amazing and so deep in scripture.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Just please tell us like what was your aha moment into writing this?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a great question because it's funny.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel like I ever set out to write a book.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, as you know, kind of like kooky as it sounds, like it was truly of the Lord.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: I had Sela in stone.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so I um after I had Sela, I felt like I had been in the infertility world for so long that I like needed a break.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Did you ever feel that when you absolutely it was like once I had my babies, I was like, whoo, I need a minute, but then I felt like the Lord was just impressing all these things on my heart that He wanted me to share.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just so like it had to come out.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, whew, okay.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like I feel, and I felt like I had my ministry and my infertility support group that I had started, and I would meet with girls one-on-one, and there was just way too much to unpack, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like in a 20-minute coffee date, there's just too many layers, and it was almost like I wanted to share all of this stuff.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, all right, I feel like I told Lane, I was like, I'm gonna start a blog and I'm gonna start writing.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I started writing and I was like, whoa, this is more than a blog.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had no business writing a book.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I had a two-year-old and a one-year-old, and I would literally put them down and just write during nap time.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it was like 2019 when I was like, okay, like I'm writing a book.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: This is happening.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of different routes to writing a book.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like some people, you know, get picked up by publishers, you have an agent.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's very hard to do that.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And my goal wasn't ever to like, you know, make money, sell books in that, in that sense of the word.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like my goal in my heart was to like share all of these things that I had learned and that I had like worked out in my suffering.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I ended up doing kind of like a hybrid self-publishing and kind of like paid the money, put the down payment down.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, I'm in it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm writing it now.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Cause like I have to, right?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Put the skin in the game.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: You're in it.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Paid the money.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it took me about a year to write the book in total.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: But towards the end of um me getting to like the publishing part and like submitting the final.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Lindsay, I'm telling you, like the Lord would wake me up at 4 a.m.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I would just have just these things like flowing out of me, out of my heart, like the poem at the beginning of the book.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like it just, like I had to get it out.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it just felt so not of me.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was just the vessel that God used to just put all this on paper.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and that was my next question because this book is so rich of scripture.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: It is so insightful on how you use scripture in your journey and in your struggles that honestly it's so rich.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: You can apply this to so many different struggles in life.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't just say, yes, it's it's geared towards infertility, but I mean it's so rich, it's great for anyone to read.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: How did you, how did you, did you study these or you would just wake up?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Did you have how did you put it all into one book?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: Well in one year.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that there was certain like triggers throughout my time of infertility that really stuck with me.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like one in particular, one story that I'll tell is I was we were like in the thick of it.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like Lane was not doing well.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was infertile.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was at the beginning, kind of after I had my endometriosis surgery.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And one of we were with some of my parents' friends who were like godly people.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, he had suffered through cancer, so it wasn't like he was unknowing to suffering or all of that, all that that brings or entails.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: But he looked at me, he goes, Oh, honey, God will never give you more than you can handle.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I had like a visceral response to that.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was just this anger of like, no, like what?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and it was like that kind of stuff where it was like, what does that mean that God won't give you more than you can handle?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like we have this Americanized comfort culture version of Christianity where it's like, oh, God doesn't want you to suffer, right?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a verse, I think I like printed it out, but it's um 1 Corinthians 10, 13, and to what he was speaking to in particular, there's a verse that says, No temptation has overtaken you except what is uh common to mankind.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, like in the context of what Paul is talking to, he's talking about like the temptation to sin.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I feel like when you look through scripture, like there's nothing in scripture that says like God won't give you more than you can handle.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: If anything, like throughout scripture, we see like that people face circumstances that are way beyond what they can handle, right?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Right, absolutely.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, like, or you look at like a woman who is like trapped into like sex trafficking, like you're gonna tell her, oh, don't worry, God won't grab you more than you can handle.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, right, or like I'm obsessed with uh World War II.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I read World War II books all the time.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like what?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: God was like, oh, you you were able to handle the Holocaust, so I'm just gonna send you over there because I know you can handle it.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like, no, get out of here.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Get out of here.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: There's exceptions to that, yeah.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: For sure.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like there was just different parts of theology and Christianity that I had probably like unknowingly bought into.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: This like comfort culture Christianity, where it's like, oh, I do good things and God blesses me.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so when my suffering happened, and like it just kind of came out of nowhere where Lane all of a sudden went down real fast.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was not doing so well with not being able to be a mom.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just standing there, you know, I'm just praying to God endlessly, like, God, like help me, like meet me.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And like I felt like, and he, you know, he was there, but I felt like he was nowhere to be found.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that more than anything was terrifying to me because all of a sudden I was like, whoa, is there a God?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I believed God, like I thought I believed we had this like whole thing going, but then when you're in the pit of suffering, in the pit of despair, and you're trying to like grasp onto hope, you're like, okay, is there a God?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I came to the conclusion, yes, okay, there is a God.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, is God sovereign?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is he involved in our lives, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is he involved in our our stories?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so the more I read scripture, I was like, okay, yes, he is involved in our lives.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, you kind of come to, well, does God have the ability to change our circumstances?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then you're like, and if he doesn't change my circumstances, do I still think he's good?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so ultimately my conclusion was yes, that God is good.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I I listened to this profound sermon, and it just impacted me so greatly because he was saying that your circumstances are not the lens through which you should view God.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how I was viewing God, right?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: I love that in your book.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: That was my aha moment, right?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Of like at least my faith journey.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, God is good, he is unchanging all the time.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so, whether my circumstances are good or bad, have no direct correlation on God's proximity to me, his love for me.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that gave me a lot of comfort and really shifted my perspective in like rebuilding my faith from who I knew God to be from scripture and not what I, you know, thought him to be from this kind of like comfort culture, Christianity.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know what it reminds me of?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that song, Hallelujah, he tied me to the kitchen chair.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Just me basically stripped you down.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: You were so stripped down in your life between infertility, everything that was going on with Lane, jobs, everything.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: And and I someone once told me, like, you were a victim of the good life, like God's good, absolute life.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, you didn't know any suffering.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know and suffering slapped you right in the face.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: And and you had to make those decisions, and you had to ask yourself these questions to get to where you are, and all the work that you did you put into this book for others, which is so absolutely incredible.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's called The Bear and Cry, and it is an intro with a 21-day fast and prayer, correct?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So the Bear and Cry is a take off of Hannah's prayer in the Bible, okay, where she goes to the priest and she is just so overcome in her suffering that the priest is like, Why are you drunk?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like, why are you just kind of like so out of it, right?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, go home.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, I'm not drunk.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: I am just so overcome with anguish for wanting to have a child.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, Go in peace, and like, may the Lord grant of you what you've wished.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, that's where the barren cry comes from.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so Hannah's story is woven into mine.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then the 21-day fast is from a story in Daniel when he fasts in the Bible, and that is what you bring readers through the journey of this 21-day fast.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you did it, obviously.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: You between everything that you've learned, this is your documents.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: It is so rich with information again.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's like incredible.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um what did you learn after the 21 days?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I know you didn't get your baby right away, right?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, man, it just kind of kept getting worse for a little bit in that 21 day.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then at the end, like, what was your did you have clarity like describe to us at when she completed that?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: So kind of like I said before, I felt like I really struggled with wanting to feel like God was answering me or that he was close, or at least that I felt that he was involved and participating in my story.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I just I just felt such absence from God.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so there is a verse in the Bible and it's in Daniel, and I'll read it.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's Daniel 10, 12, and it says, Do not be afraid, Daniel.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was like, Listen, if God answered Daniel, maybe he'll answer me.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I do everything that Daniel did, the 21-day fast, if I set my heart and I pray to the Lord, then maybe God will answer me.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so the fast was tough because I thought that I was going to pray and God was going to give me answers.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of not how it went.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: The fast, you know, when we when it was all said and done, was more of God asking me to just relent and just release like everything that I was holding on to.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: My dream of motherhood, you know, like if Lane lived or died.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had to just release that.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I talk about it like in the Bible when Jacob wrestles with God and he experiences like uh he breaks his hip in submission.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's how I felt like the fast was for me.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was like, ooh, God's gonna answer me, he's gonna give me, you know, all the things that I'm asking for.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, nope.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: God's like, give it to me, give it all.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that was hard.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: God did answer me, and he gave me the name of a child.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: So every week I prayed for something different.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: The first week was I prayed for healing, and then the third week was that I prayed specifically for a child's name.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so he gave me the name of um a little boy, Matthias, and it ended up being my cousin who was pregnant at the time with a little boy.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: She told me the week after that that she was naming her little boy Matthias.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so she ended up with a brain tumor, and it was very tragic because they were wanting her to deliver so she could do chemo during the pregnancy.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: She during the pregnancy.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: But she was adamant that she was gonna wait, deliver him, you know, more full term than earlier on, so that he would have a chance at survival, and so she did.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, she ended up passing, and her little boy is so beautiful, but I feel like it was more like God was wanting me to enter their story and pray for them, yeah.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And just being like, release it, Whitney.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like you have to release your will, release your desires, and just trust me.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so after the fast was all said and done, it was maybe maybe two months later, and I was doing a Bethmore Bible study, and it was on James, and it was on the verse, um, consider it all joy when you go through trials of many kinds.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so Beth Moore in this video, because it was like a video Bible study, and I sit down and I'm doing week two, and it was kind of one of those where I was like at the end of my rope and I was kind of like almost ready, not to give up on God, because like I knew he was there, but I was just so exhausted.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: I was so exhausted about like praying and the fast, and I don't, I didn't feel like God really answered me in any specific way about wanting children or if I was gonna be able to have children or if he was gonna heal Lane.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I sit down for this video, and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And God was definitely speaking directly to me, and it was just all about it was literally our struggle that year of just anguish and joy and how they can coexist.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt so deeply that my anguish allowed me to see the joy of my salvation in Christ, and so she talked about that juxtaposition and kind of went through, and at the end of the video, she like looks into the camera and she was like, she was speaking metaphorically, right?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: But she's like, Don't give up before the baby is due, and it just like hit me.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, and I balled, and I just knew that that was God's answer.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, don't give up, your baby is coming, yeah.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so I didn't realize it until years later, but Sayla's name is mentioned in the video.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's why I in your book that was so cool, yeah.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: And did you name Selah after that?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: Was not no, this was totally separate.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: Totally separate.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so after Sayla was born, you then realized wow, so that gives me chills.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: I went to my counselor, and after I watched the video, and I was like, listen, like, I think the Lord is telling me that my James baby is coming because James means supplanter, it means to replace sorrow with joy.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so obviously, when Bethmore was kind of going through James and just our story was so kind of intricately woven into how she explained kind of that joy and anguish.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so my counselor was like, I don't know, maybe.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so it just kind of stuck with me.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that was maybe like in November, December before we did IVF.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so we did IVF, and I knew I was like, if we get pregnant, like James will be like in her name, or I didn't know it was a her, but that will be a part of you know the baby's name.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so Sela was random.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: It was like a friend from West Palm.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: She was actually a race car driver's wife, and they had a Sayla, and I just loved it.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, that's so beautiful.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew it was biblical, so I looked it up, and it means to pause and reflect.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: And when I saw the pause and reflect, I was like, oh yeah, for sure.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, that's so beautiful.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: But then yeah, after Sayla was born, I went back to watch that video, and I was like, and they talk about Sayla, the singing group.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, whoa, that is like her full name was in that video.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just it's it's funny because again, what you your plan was was to go through this 21-day fast that Daniel did.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: And you thought you were gonna have answers.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm definitely gonna have answers.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: I did everything he did.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: That wasn't God's plan.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: No, it wasn't God's plan, and he he brought you to do exactly what he had hoped.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I I can't imagine if you weren't stripped down to where you had it look into your faith at such a deep level, like what you know from writing from writing this book is incredible.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it is really very impressive.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um I want to pause real quick and go back because this wasn't your first ministry.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: Your first ministry was to reach out and Build a support group through online and through your church.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: Can you talk to us a little bit about that?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: So um when I had kind of shared my story, one of my, you know, darkest moments was that um when I had that implosion in the office after the IUI.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when I was like, okay, I think I need to see a counselor.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: I need to get therapy.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I gotta get some of this stuff out.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's when the counselor encouraged me to go serve someone.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I love the saying that when you're when your world is small, your problems seem big.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: But when your world is big, your problems seem small.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't even tell you how many times over the years that I've met with women and then I'm dealing with my own anxiety or whatever.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then I go to meet with them and I'm just like, wow, God, like, thank you for using me as a vessel.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because I barely showed up.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, okay, I can do this, you know.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: I met with this one woman, she was beautiful.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: She we have a lot of, we have a big Brazilian community in Orlando.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so she reached out to me through church.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: This wasn't too long ago.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so she sat down with me, and over coffee, she was kind of telling me in broken English a little bit.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: There was a little bit of a language barrier, but she was like, You think your story is bad?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like I read your book, and she's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, your story's tough.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, wait till you hear my story.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, whoa.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it just kind of made me like giggle inside a little bit.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it was her story, it was crazy.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: It was insane.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I think God always brings me back to, hey Whitney, your your problems are pretty small, you know?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: And like you gotta use whatever pain you've experienced to go help others.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: And truly, I don't feel like I'm offering, you know, this like deep spiritual wisdom necessarily.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's more just like sitting there and just listening as someone's crying.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you're so welcoming and you're so um there's a vibrance about you that kind of is healing, you know, just being in the same room.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's just your calling.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: It it you have a healing um talent in your whole personality.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I love that you do that.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I for me, I and you also have to be very extroverted to do that because I would have to like okay, I've I've done coffee with one woman this month.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: I am good to go.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're probably cranking them out.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, coffee tomorrow?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, can probably do 30 minutes, but I'll squeeze you in between football and um piano practice.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: I know, and you would do it.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and when you say that you get text messages like from your grant recipients, I feel so honored because a lot of times the girls are texting me before anybody knows, even sometimes before their husbands.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because they just need someone to share it with and just to be like, hey, don't tell anyone, obviously.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right, but like I had to get it out, you know, and it's just like how cool that I'm the one that I get to go through this journey with them and encourage them and make them feel seen and understood because I didn't have that, you know, and I know you were saying you didn't either.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I felt so alone when we were struggling.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there I mean, there wasn't much out there at all, and everybody's story is so different, and you don't want to talk about it.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: You're so thinking about it all the time, you don't really want to talk about it like to your family that's already worried about you, and or you just don't know what kind of response you're gonna get.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like that one girl I was telling you on a previous episode.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: The shoe was like, Oh, God will give you a child when like he feels like you're ready and you deserve it.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: That was unbelievable.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: I know, but it's kind of that like whole theology of like, oh, once I confess that sin that somehow is floating around, then I get rectified in that, God's gonna bless me again, you know.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's like that's not how it works.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyways, I I know it's like you know, you don't want to talk about it either because you have no clue what people are gonna say.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times it's just like oh, you know.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: But when you build that trust with someone and what you're doing, I think that's huge.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's an outlet that you're just like arm's reach.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: If if something bad happens, guess what?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't disappoint you, right?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: Which a lot of that is if you miscarry or it it turns out you the IVF failed.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: You feel disappo you feel like you're a disappointment to everyone.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, it didn't happen again.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: Totally, yeah, it's just the highs and lows and trying to say it's that then not say it.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: You kind of go dark for a little bit, right?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: So I I love what you're doing all in all.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm gonna ask you if you could say something to the Whitney going through that dark time.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: What would you what what is your one everlasting um comment you leave?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's two things.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Advice.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's two things.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing would be it's a video that Lane shares all the time.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: He's a manager, so he shares it with his team, and I love it.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's the Duke women's basketball coach, and they're talking, she's talking to the team.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just a phenomenal speech.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have to like send it to you.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: But she says, anything you want in life is on the other side of hard.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: And she says that you think as you go through life that it's gonna get easier.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, once I graduate college, it's gonna be easier, right?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: Once I get that job, then I'll like it'll be easier.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, as we know, because we're getting older, like life only gets harder.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so you just do hard better instead of like wanting life to get easier.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: You just get better at suffering well, right?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's one thing.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: I love Lane shares that video, and I love that.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, the other thing I would say is did you want to say something?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: I said, just please send it to me.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: I really want to see that that was motivating me.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's an amazing video.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: So true though.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, life doesn't get easier, it's just you do hard better.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: You got your babies, and then they turn you that you go through a sick phase with them, and then you're like, oh my gosh, this is really scary.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's always hard.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's always hard.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or you lose parents.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like we've lost parents in between babies too.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the other thing, the one thing that I would have wanted to hear, and this is what I always tell the girls when I leave them, is it won't be like this forever.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're gonna look back, and this is going to be a chapter in your book.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is not the end of your story.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I feel like I always I wanted to hear that so desperately because I felt like there was just this never-ending tunnel of darkness that I was in.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: There was this no proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, right?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're just crawling through the mud for years and you're just like, oh, it's never gonna get better.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: But it does.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: It does get better, like it's just a season.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: And as you get older, you realize that life is just a lot of seasons.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's highs and lows and everything in between.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're in the high, you're like, okay, I better enjoy it because it's gonna get hard again.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: But you do hard better, you you learn.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think as your faith is strengthened, right?
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a tree that the roots grow deep and like conditioning, yeah.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're conditioning yourself and finding the tools you need, like your faith, like your strong, strong faith.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: And and I feel like God did answer me so clearly and directly when I was struggling that I could never deny God now.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: I know God is there, I've seen him, I've seen him work in my life, and so you just have this strength and this assurance, and you forget at times, right?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: Stuff gets hard and you're like, oh no, am I gonna make it?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: But there's a story in the Bible, and it's the stones of Joshua, and it's when the Israelites, you know, they've been in the desert for 45 years, and they cross the Jordan on dry ground and they get to the other side, to the promised land, and they set up a monument of stones as a memorial to remember God's faithfulness.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just big been a big theme in our lives.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so we have so we have these stones of Joshua that we've piled up that we look back on and we remember and we say, like, God was faithful then, yeah, he'll be faithful now.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: I love that, and it's also engraved on her door, by the way.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Oh, this is cute.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: What does this mean?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: And she goes into this.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, that is so deep and so true.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember that story, but wow, if you take that and and you reflect it on your life with your hardships and each stone you've had to carry and put there, it's it's really interesting.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, I am gonna I'm gonna read you guys one more excerpt from Whitney's book.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's on day 21 and it's healing.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know the depths you've traveled to, the suffering you've endured, or the heartbreak you carry.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: For many of you reading this book, I probably cannot even begin to comprehend the losses you have suffered or the length in which you have been trudging through this valley.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_02: I know you're exhausted, but friend, there will come a day where your heartbreak will not be palatable with every breath that you take.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: One day, time will heal, wounds will mend, and scars will fade.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, Whitney, for sharing your ministries with us and for writing this book.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's so incredible.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: So if you know of anyone struggling, you can buy it on Amazon, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, anywhere books are sold.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's it's my ministry.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: So if you reach out, I'm happy to share copies.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, my intent was never to, you know, make money.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's just more sharing my testimony and helping those just kind of still in the thick of it.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_02: And we'll have the resources also um under the podcast notes.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_02: If you a link directly there, it's Varen Cry, and it is excellent.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: Bye, guys.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things we talked about was um how we all wait in life for things to get easier.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I just gotta get through this and then it'll be easier.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just gotta get through preseason and then it'll be okay.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've just got to get through my junior year high school, and then the classes are gonna get easier.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've just got to get to my spring, my senior year college, it's gonna be easier.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we do.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: We wait for stuff to get easier.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: It will never get easier.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: What happens is you handle hard better.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's what happens.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Most people think that it's going to get easier.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Life is gonna get easier, basketball is gonna get easier, school is gonna get easier, it never gets easier.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: What happens is you become someone that handles hard stuff better.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a mental shift that has to occur in each of your brains.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: It has to.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you go around waiting for stuff to get easier in life, it's never gonna happen.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then what happens?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's so hard, oh, I can't do it, oh it's I don't know when when is it gonna be easy for me?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's easy for other people.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's hard.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the second we see you handling stuff, handling hard better, what are we gonna do?
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna make it hard.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna make it hard.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're preparing for you for when you leave here, not just basketball and life.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you think life when you leave college is gonna be all of a sudden easy because you graduated and you got it in the three, it's not gonna get easy, it's gonna get harder.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: So make yourself a person that handles hard well, not someone that's waiting for the easy.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you have a meaningful person in life, it will never be easy.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Does it go ever easy for them to raise kids?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Any meaningful percent in life, if you want to be successful at it, it goes, it goes to the people that handle hard well.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the people that get themselves.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: People that wait around for easy, it's not the bus now.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're waiting for easy, easy bus to come around.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: Easy bus never comes around.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta handle hard.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so don't get discouraged through this time if it's hard.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get discouraged.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's supposed to be.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: And don't wait for it to be easy.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I just gotta get through the summer, and then it'll all of a sudden get easy in the fall.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: No, it won't.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: It won't get easy in the fall.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: So make yourself someone that handles hard well.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then whatever comes out of you, you're gonna be great.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be great, okay?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for joining us on today's podcast.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you have been impacted by this episode, there are two things you can do for us.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: First is leave a review on Spotify or Apple Music.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: And second, is to share this with a friend who is struggling.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: This helps us to spread our message of hope for others.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you would like to get in touch with Lindsay or myself, please message us on Instagram at Infertile Diaries Podcast.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Or you can go to our websites at Whitneyheneman.com, and everyone deserves a family grants.com.